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There was nothing Sana hated more than thunderstorms. For as long as she could remember, she simply could not stand them. She had never truly found the words to describe why she hated thunderstorms so much, she couldn’t even pinpoint when the fear began, but she didn’t care to find an answer. Thunderstorms were already debilitating. She didn’t need to punish herself any more by finding out why.
The forecast was crystal clear. A thunderstorm was due in the early hours of the morning in Seoul, likely to last around 30 mins, and so, Sana spent the day doing what she always does; avoiding the ball of dread swelling in the pit of her stomach. No matter what she did, it always consumed her day. The more she pushed out the intrusive thoughts, the more they seemed to loom over her every move. But, there was one single alleviator, and that was the fact that her and Momo had a procedure for days like this, and they both knew how to play their roles perfectly.
In the years that Sana and Momo had known each other, they had developed a routine that didn’t need to be spoken of to be known, and, by now, it had simply become a fact of life for the both of them. Their relationship was always a push and pull, but that’s not to say they don’t know when to drop it. If Sana needs to be comforted, Momo would stop at nothing until she is. The routine was simply that; offering comfort. It didn’t need to be complex, it just worked when it was Momo.
So, keeping to that routine, Sana asked if she could stay the night at Momo’s place, and was given the same answer she always received.
But now it was nearing 4am, and she couldn’t sleep.
Sana had noted that clouds had been massing for a while now, rain had just begun to fall, and she could hear the winds picking up outside. It would be any second now that the first crack of light would break through, and every muscle in Sana’s body would tense up even more than what seemed humanly possible, waiting for the sound she dreaded.
When Sana was younger, she would sneak into her parents’ room and lie between them, waiting to be engulfed by reassuring arms telling her everything was okay and that this would pass soon enough. It was a simple act, but washed away any and all worry. Even if she would still flinch the next time thunder rumbled, it was always a little less than the last. But she didn’t have that anymore. Right now, the most she could do was stare at her girlfriend’s ceiling and endure the wait. Sana had stayed the night at Momo’s more than she could count, but it was times like these where she could only feel like a burden.
For years, Sana has turned to Momo when she knows a storm is on the horizon, and though Momo will always assure her it doesn’t trouble her one bit, Sana can’t help but feel a pang of guilt whenever she seeks out Momo in these situations. Still, Sana will always find it incredibly endearing. Even before they were dating, Momo would insist on Sana sleeping in her bed so as to give Sana the comfort she needed. Their thunderstorm routine was so uniquely theirs, even if Momo falling asleep first seemed to be a fundamental part of that routine.
But now, Sana had become completely alone with her thoughts, waiting for the worst of the storm to begin. Her head was becoming lighter and lighter with the thought of what was to come and, searching for anything else to fill her mind, Sana started to fixate on the sound of Momo’s soft snores next to her. She had fallen asleep curled up, facing Sana, with one arm slightly outstretched towards her, millimetres away from Sana. For a second, she forgets about the impending bolt of lightning that will light up the room and she focuses on Momo - just Momo.
Sana had always admired the way Momo’s hair falls across her face when she’s lying down, and the way her lips part slightly when she sleeps. In fact, whenever Momo slept, Sana would often gaze at Momo’s moles, admiring the constellations they formed on her body. Even if Momo felt the need to cover some of them, Sana always felt like they had been mapped out perfectly.
It wasn’t long before Sana’s train of thought was interrupted. The silent flash of light she was waiting for had now illuminated the room. Instantaneously, her entire body flinched, her eyes pressed shut and her breathing started to become shallow and erratic. She knew what came next. On cue, the first sound of thunder erupted. Her breathing hitched and, instinctually, she reached for Momo’s hand, gripping it like it was the last thing she would ever get the chance to hold. Only until the covers started to shift did Sana realise what she had done, and swiftly pulled her hand away, cursing herself for acting so impulsively so soon.
“Sorry,” was the only word Sana could muster in a voice smaller than she expected, beginning to sit up, now using her hands to rub and cover her face.
“Don’t be. Sorry I fell asleep - again.”
Sana couldn’t see Momo, but could practically hear the sheepish smile being drawn on her lips as she spoke, her voice hoarse with sleep.
There was a beat of silence while Momo mirrored Sana and sat up adjacent to her, before another jolt of lightning lit the room. Sana recoiled and squeezed her eyes shut. She threw her hand in the rough direction of the girl next to her, and managed to grab her arm. Momo succeeded in extracting Sana’s hand from the death grip it had on her arm, and interlinked their fingers so their hands rested between them.
The room became illuminated once again and the sound that followed was nothing like either of them had ever heard. This time it wasn’t just a clap of thunder; it was an applause. It wasn’t that this particular crash of thunder lasted minutes on end, but when one ended, two more seemed to begin. Some thunder would distantly grumble for what felt like eternities, while others would jeer and crack in brief outbursts to be followed by the next snap. Sana didn’t quite remember when she had flung her hands toward her ears, but by now her head felt like it was being crushed. She couldn’t stand it, and it didn’t seem like it was ever going to end.
Momo moved so she was facing Sana now, wrapping one arm around Sana’s waist and another cradling her head against the crook of her neck. It had become a habit for her to hold Sana like this. It was virtually instinctual for both of them, and had become the go-to position when Sana was particularly stressed. Sana had often thought perhaps they had both been sculpted to fit like a key in a lock, because there was a level of comfort she found in Momo’s arms that was unachievable elsewhere. Though now, it seemed less effective. She only began to tremble more with each and every crack of light bursting into the room, and now, the hem of Momo’s shirt was starting to dampen while sounds of thunder continued to detonate outside.
Most people assumed that Momo was absolutely clueless when it came to physical affection with Sana, and, to be fair, she can understand why. She certainly had a tendency to reject Sana purely to rile her up (for reasons she would never admit), but that didn’t mean Momo was hopeless. Years of knowing someone means you know their ticks. Each person has their own unique unspoken language, and Momo knew Sana’s fluently.
She repeated words of reassurance like a chant, but the words themselves were barely audible. Though, it didn’t quite matter what Momo was saying, Sana just needed to hear her voice. She knew it was silly and irrational to have to be reminded that someone’s presence wasn't fleeting, and they would still be there from one moment to the next, but, that doesn’t mean she didn’t worry about it, and Momo seemed to be aware of this without ever being told.
Nimble fingers began to make their way through Sana’s hair, trailing steadily from the scalp, to the ends, to be repeated again, and again, and again. Sana’s shoulders seemed to relax, her eyes were no longer clamped shut, and her breathing showed some resemblance of regularity. Light still managed to flash through her eyelids, and the grating sounds of thunder still made her muscles clench, but it was never for long. Sana began to slowly move her hands down from her ears, letting them listen to the unmuffled soundscape of Momo’s room for the first time in what felt like hours. The thunder may have been louder, and the sound of rain tapping on the window was more apparent but now Sana could hear Momo, properly, speaking incantations of reassurance in hushed Japanese. To be honest, it didn’t take long for Sana to stop listening. She was now starting to focus on the rise and fall of Momo’s chest, and matching her own breathing to the rhythm already set.
Thunder didn’t cease just because Sana wanted it to, it continued to erupt, but Momo made every clatter a little less dissonant. For the first time since the storm had begun, Sana didn’t feel completely incapacitated and so, it was only natural that Sana’s arms would drift around Momo’s waist, her body melting into the older’s. Her breath would still catch, and she would still tremor, but she knew she was safe.
Neither of them knew how long they had been sat like this. Momo had continued to stroke Sana’s hair so much it had faded into the background and when she stopped, it felt like something was missing. It was only then that it dawned on Sana: there was no more thunder. Momo dropped her hands, smoothing her thumbs over Sana’s skin. The silence Sana had been holding out for had finally arrived. Momo was the first to break it.
“Are you okay?”
Sana couldn’t bring herself to respond just yet, she just lightly nodded into Momo’s shoulder. Though, that seemed to send the message as a sigh of relief escaped Momo’s lips. Then, another pause.
“I’m proud of you,” was what Momo said in the aftermath of every storm, followed by a soft kiss to Sana’s forehead. It was as if Momo had been following the same script for years, but it was never the same. She may have been saying the same words, in the same context, but they were never disingenuous.
Sana stayed there for a moment, arms wrapped around Momo still, just focusing on the emptiness of the room. Rain continued to drizzle, and occasionally you would hear leaves rattled by winds below, but in Momo’s bedroom, it was just the sounds of synchronised breathing.
Silently, she pulled away from Momo and actually laid down, comfortably, for the first time that night. Momo swiftly followed, both their faces resting on pillows, inches away from each other.
“I love you,” was the only thing Sana felt was appropriate to say.
“I know.”
It was safe to say Momo did not expect Sana to lightly kick her shins under the bed sheet, causing the both of them to giggle.
“I’m serious,” Sana whined, turning to face the other side of the room.
Momo scooted closer, molding her front to Sana’s back. She wrapped her arms around her waist and pressed her face to the back of Sana’s shoulder. Sana could feel Momo smile against the fabric of her shirt.
“I love you too.”