Chapter Text

Once upon a time -- before the Epilogues, before Sgrub, before the Vast Glub, back when the world was young, in a timeline where FLARPing was still a thing on Alternia -- there was a catgirl who, sympathetically if perhaps a bit foolishly, felt that games should be fair.

AC: :33 < raaawwwr!
AC: :33 < its so unfair!!!
CT: D --> No it isn't
AC: :33 < yes it is!!!
CT: D --> No it isn't
AC: :33 < yes!
CT: D --> No
AC: X33 < YES
CT: D --> Don't raise your voice with me, Nepeta
AC: :33 < raaar were just typing, whats the big deal!
CT: D --> It behooves you to comport yourself in a more appropriate manner
AC: :33 < grrr! whatEFurrr
CT: D --> You'll stop this tantrum at once
AC: :33 < *ac flops in a heap on the floor and sulks quietly to herself*
CT: D --> That isn't much better but I suppose it will have to do for now
AC: :33 < i dont s33 how anyone can think this is fair!
AC: :33 < why should that mean marquise and neophyte always get all the treasure, litfurally every time!
AC: :33 < they always win, because they always start out with the best gear and all the expurrience from all the other times they won
AC: :33 < and now theyre going and taxing all the other players!
AC: :33 < why would anyone even want to play with them anymore?!
CT: D --> I can see how that might frustrate you
CT: D --> But you're reasoning from a flawed premise
CT: D --> That the game is, or could ever in principle be, unfair
AC: :33 < *acs fanged mouth hangs agape in amazement*
AC: :33 < *she prepurrs herself to make the obvious inquiry*
CT: D --> I'll wait
AC: :33 < ...
AC: :33 < ...
AC: :33 < ...
AC: :33 < how could it not even in *purrinciple* be unfair?!
CT: D --> Remember that this "Marquise" must be far more e%alted on the hemospectrum than the other players
CT: D --> It stands to reason that her performance should be superior in all measurable ways
CT: D --> Although I don't know why she would waste her time with such a frivolous pursuit and in such base company
CT: D --> Which is why I have always forbidden you to do the same
AC: :33 < *ac sticks her paws over her ears and yowls loudly and continually so she cant hear such stupid nonsense!*
CT: D --> It isn't nonsense
CT: D --> It is the fundamental organizing principle of our society
CT: D --> As difficult as it evidently is for you to a%ept
AC: :33 < lame!
AC: :33 < lame lame lame lame laaaaame!
CT: D --> No it isn't
AC: :33 < it totally is!!!
CT: D --> It's not either
AC: :33 < well, if the game isnt fair to begin with, maybe someone should *make* it fair!
AC: :33 < and maybe the best way to do that
AC: :33 < is to play it better!
CT: D --> Wait, what
CT: D --> Nepeta, what are you suggesting
CT: D --> Did I not just forbid you from playing with those 100nati%
CT: D --> Again
AC: :33 < theyre not lunatics, theyre my friends!
AC: :33 < and ive never really wanted to play that lousy violent super competitive game anyway
CT: D --> Then don't
AC: :33 < but if the marquise wont share the treasure, someone will just have to take it from her, and give it back to everyone else!
CT: D --> Are you suggesting that the natural b100d order should be subverted
CT: D --> That sort of talk will get you culled, Nepeta
CT: D --> And I won't stand for it in this chat
AC: :33 < come on, its not like that person
AC: :33 < (*"whoever they might be", ac adds innocently*)
AC: :33 < would be stealing from the empress herself!
CT: D --> This is a terrible and dangerous idea
CT: D --> As your moirail, I must di%ourage you from it in the STRONGEST possible terms
AC: :33 < i thought you were going to *furrbid* me from doing it?!
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> I di%ourage and also forbid you at the same time
CT: D --> I prohibit, pro%ribe, and interdict you from doing anything even ob%urely related to this or along these lines
CT: D --> There is a 100% chance that you are not going to do it
CT: D --> And that's final
AC: X33 < DAMMIT equius, its just a game, whats the big deal!
CT: D --> What did I say about raised voices
CT: D --> And also, the use of such vulgar language
CT: D --> You will never speak to me that way again
AC: X33 < RAWRARARARRRRR I CANT EVEN WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, BYE
CT: D --> Yes you can, and you will

arsenicCatnip [AC] blocked centaursTesticle [CT]

Oh wow. Now that she'd done it, blocking her moirail over an argument about a role-playing game felt really petty. In the heat of the moment, it had been either that, or ram her claws through the display of her husktop. Nepeta was glad that she didn't have to hatch a new computing device -- that was the main way she kept in touch with her friends, none of whom lived closer than about a three-hour ride from her hive. But on balance, she still felt guilty for cutting Equius off and ignoring his pale concern for her.

Or did she? Flipping the conversation over and over again in her think pan, Nepeta couldn't figure out what part of what she had said was wrong. Even if she didn't want to keep fighting with Equius, she had to admit that his case for highblood superiority boiled down to "because it's always been that way, and also I said so." He was the only one of her friends who actually seemed to take the hemospectrum seriously. What player could naturally be that much better than Aradia, Tavros, or the other FLARP regulars she knew? Maybe Equius cared about her, but that didn't prevent him from being wrong, or from being a colossal jerk about things like this.

Besides, Equius rarely left his hive, so he wouldn't have seen all the things Nepeta had seen on her hunting trips through the forest: battered and dejected players, their faces and bodies splotchy with dark rust or bronze bruises, their weapons broken and their belt pouches limp, empty of gil. He wouldn't have heard their hushed, oblique references to the overpowered, underhanded tactics of "the Marquise" and her increasing penchant for exacting tribute after multiple losses within the game. And yet he claimed to know more about how the real world operated, while sitting in his living room, than Nepeta did by going out into the real world every day! She knew the real world was often mean. So why keep being mean in the games when that was sometimes the only break you or others got from the real-world meanness?

The Neophyte was supposed to be a great legislacerator, right? Why didn't she do anything about it? Didn't she supposedly care about justice? Or did justice mean something weird and different to her?

Nepeta was so mad she could hiss and spit. Which sometimes she did, when Equius wasn't around to lecture her. She spent a good fifteen minutes sharpening her claws on the post just outside the mouth of her cave, growling menacingly at nobody in particular. In the end, she couldn't allow herself to take it out on anything minding its own business in the nearby forest; it wasn't their fault the Marquise bullied everyone, not their fault the Neophyte turned a blind eye to it, not their fault Equius had his nugbone so far up his --

Language, Nepeta, she could hear him admonish her from inside her own head. Ffffff...lipping flappity flap. Flarp? Flarp. He even thought that was a dirty word though. Stupid Equius.

Something in Nepeta's chest kept flexing and tensing to leap, desperate to transfer its energy into forward motion. She had impulsively said someone ought to Make Them Pay (It All Back), and it seemed as though nobody else was going to do that. Not only did that still seem true, it increasingly seemed that that someone ought to be her.

Maybe she could beat them at their own game after all. Who could tell her about how to do this, how to make it happen?

Hmm.

Chapter Text

arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AC: :33 < *ac knocks gingerly on the door of someone she doesnt visit too often, wondering if she happens to be up at this hour of the morning...*
AA: it s0 happens she is!
AA: this is a surprise nepeta!
AA: what can i d0 f0r y0u
AC: :33 < ...
AA: 0h!
AA: *aa asks as she 0pens the d00r and invites ac inside*
AC: :33 < *ac is delighted to accept the invitation and walks inside aas beautiful hive!*
AA: haha well
AA: its a livable hive anyway th0ugh n0t the neatest
AA: *aa sweeps up s0me 0f the sharper dice littering the fl00r s0 ac d0esnt step 0n any 0f them and hurt her feet*
AA: *and puts the ruleb00ks back 0n the shelf where they bel0ng*
AC: :33 < *ac lends a paw!*
AC: :33 < ...
AC: :33 < *virtually*
AA: 0k
AA: yeah i sh0uldve d0ne all that earlier t0day
AA: *aa says*
AA: been w0rking 0n this scenari0 all day
AA: wasnt expecting any visit0rs
AC: :33 < *ac appurreciates the open expanse of floor all the more!*
AC: :33 < *because she finds herself pacing nervously wondering how to ask the thing she is about to ask*
AA: *aa raises 0ne questi0ning eyebr0w w0ndering what ac needs that c0uld be this embarrassing 0r inc0nvenient t0 ask f0r help with*
AC: :33 < *ac assures aa that she isnt asking fur help this time!*
AC: :33 < *rather, she is offuring!*
AA: ?!
AA: *aa is f0rced t0 raise the 0ther eyebr0w*
AC: :33 < i mean, uh!
AC: :33 < *ac means*
AC: :33 < *uh*
AA: *aa waits patiently f0r ac t0 make her 0ffer*
AC: :33 < ok so
AC: :33 < you know how i, like, never play flarp with you guys?
AA: yeah?
AC: :33 < i kind want to play flarp with you all now?
AC: :33 < no, i really want to play flarp with you all now!
AA: i th0ught y0u just werent int0 it th0ugh
AA: and really thats 0k
AA: didnt y0u say flarp is t00 vi0lent f0r y0u?
AC: :33 < aradia, this is gonna sound kind of weird
AC: :33 < but ive s33n the signs of that violence around my part of the furrest
AC: :33 < and i k33p hearing other trolls talk about how this marquise character is basically being mean and... taxing them?
AC: :33 < like, as part of the game?
AC: :33 < it s33ms really unfair!
AC: :33 < how come her teammate doesn't do anything about it?
AA: 0h d0nt get me started
AA: team sc0urge has just g0tten way t00 high and mighty
AA: vriska basically d0es anything she thinks she can get away with
AA: in 0r 0ut 0f the game
AC: :33 < wait, you know her?
AA: yeah i kn0w both her and terezi
AA: were all technically friends but theyre really starting t0 piss me 0ff
AC: :33 < right?
AC: :33 < so if youre usually on the other team, i thought id just...
AC: :33 < join your team?
AC: :33 < and fight on the side of justice!
AC: :33 < i mean actual justice, not weird neophyte style justice
AA: haha w0w this really is kind 0f unexpected
AA: but y0ure in luck
AA: if y0u really want t0 play we have a vacancy 0n team charge
AA: it turns 0ut im cl0uding f0r team sc0urge next sessi0n
AA: and y0u just gave me 0ne hell 0f an idea
AC: :33 < i did?
AA: theyve been s0 successful lately they cant fit all their ill g0tten gains in their usual hide0ut anym0re
AA: the scene i have in mind is a caravan raid
AA: well see if they can defend all that treasure on the m0ve!
AC: :33 < haha, yeah!
AC: :33 < thats exactly the kind of thing i had in mind!
AC: :33 < we can grab all their stolen treasure and give it back!
AA: hahaha thats awes0me
AA: r0b from the rich and give t0 the p00r
AC: :33 < yeah!
AA: ill want s0me 0f the p0werful artifacts for our team 0f c0urse
AA: but n0 reas0n we cant spread the wealth ar0und
AA: d0 y0u have a plan yet?
AC: :33 < uhhh
AC: :33 < not really?
AC: :33 < i thought id sort of make that up as i went along!
AA: tell y0u what
AA: why d0nt y0u g0 talk t0 tavr0s
AA: he can help y0u r0ll up a character, and maybe talk tactics
AC: :33 < awesome!
AC: :33 < ok, id better go take care of that then!
AA: im g0ing to finish the details 0f this enc0unter
AA: i cant wait t0 see vriskas face when you sh0w up th0ugh

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AC: :33 < *ac pounces through the open window of ats hive and bowls him nug over nubs!*
AC: :33 < *shes so excited to get to be on his team!*
AT: uHHH, WAIT,,, wHAT,
AT: wHAT TEAM, fOR WHAT,
AC: :33 < i just asked aradia if i could flarp with you guys
AC: :33 < and she said to come ask you about character building!
AT: hOLD ON A SECOND,
AT: tHIS IS THE GAME, tHAT YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER PLAY,
AT: bECAUSE, aND I QUOTE, oR AT LEAST PARAPHRASE,
AT: tHAT IT WAS, "sUPER MEAN",
AT: aND ALSO, yOUR MOIRAIL WOULD TIE YOUR TAIL TO A TREE,
AC: :33 < oh yeah, that
AC: :33 < *ac flops listlessly on the floor next to at and avoids his gaze*
AC: :33 < lets just say that, uh
AC: :33 < what my meowrail doesnt know wont hurt him
AT: bUT, iT MIGHT HURT YOU,
AT: dOES HE ACTUALLY NOT KNOW,
AC: :33 < we mmmmiiiiight have
AC: :33 < had a disagr33ment about it
AT: uH, tHAT DOESN'T, rEALLY SOUND sO GREAT,
AC: :33 < anyway he was wrong and totally refused to admit it, like he always does, so im kind of on vacation from him right now!
AC: :33 < i dont really f33l like talking about it, im still really mad
AC: :33 < *ac sits up and starts washing herself nonchalantly*
AT: wELL, wHATEVER,
AT: wE COULD DEFINITELY, uSE SOME MORE PLAYERS ON TEAM CHARGE,
AT: sO ARADIA SAID, tO HELP YOU WITH A CHARACTER,
AC: :33 < she sure did!
AT: yOU MEAN, yOU AREN'T JUST GOING TO BE AC,
AC: :33 < no! ac is my mild-mannered secret identity
AC: :33 < i want my flarp character to be a bold, swashbuckling defender of the weak and downtrodden!
AC: :33 < someone who robs from the highbloods, and gives to the lowbloods!
AT: oH WOW,
AT: tHAT SOUNDS, uH, kIND OF SUBVERSIVE,
AC: :33 < aw come on, youre starting to sound like him too!
AT: iRRESPECTING OF THAT APPARENT RESEMBLANCE,
AT: yOU STILL MIGHT NOT WANT TO SAY THAT TOO LOUDLY,
AT: aT LEAST NOT, wHERE THE DRONES CAN PICK IT UP, iN THEIR SURVEILLANCE,,,
AC: :33 < *sigh*
AC: :33 < FIIINE, ill k33p it down fur now
AT: (nOT THAT I DISAGREE, wITH THE SENTIMENT,)
AT: (bUT, i DON'T WANT YOU TO BE BLOWN UP OVER IT,)
AC: :33 < anyway, it looks like the marquise is just terrorizing the whole neighborhood and nobody else is going to stop her!
AT: oH, uH, yEAH, tHAT,
AT: sHE'S NOT REALLY ALL THAT BAD,
AT: i MEAN, wHAT'S A FEW GIL COMPARED TO, yOU KNOW, yOUR LIFE,
AC: X33 < NO THATS NOT WHAT YOURE SUPPOSED TO SAY TAVROS!
AT: hUH, iSN'T IT,
AC: :33 < no it isnt! this is what makes me really mad!
AT: bECAUSE IF YOU PLAY THIS GAME FOR MORE THAN HALF A CAMPAIGN,
AT: tHAT'S KIND OF WHAT, yOU GET USED TO SAYING TO TEAM SCOURGE,
AT: aLTHOUGH, tO BE HONEST, i'M FEELING PRETTY BITTER ABOUT THAT,
AC: :33 < s33, this is exactly the argument i got into with equius!
AC: :33 < people dont even act like its fair, they act like expecting it to be fair is unreasonable! and thats dumb!
AC: ;33 < except aradia, she s33ms to get it
AC: :33 < and you do too, sort of
AC: :33 < if we all band together, maybe we can beat them at their own game!
AT: iIIIII'M,,, nOT ENTIRELY SURE, tHAT THAT'S POSSIBLE,
AC: :33 < nonsense! youre just saying that because nobodys done it yet!
AT: yOU'RE NOT SERIOUSLY GOING, tO JUST MARCH UP TO VRISKA,
AT: tHE ONE WITH THE HIGHEST LEVEL CHARACTER, iN THE WHOLE GAME,
AT: aND JUST DEMAND, tHAT SHE GIVE EVERYTHING BACK,
AC: :33 < well
AC: :33 < why not?
AC: :33 < although, i wouldnt n33d to make a character fur that would i
AT: lOOK, i TRIED THAT ALREADY,
AT: aND I GOT A BUNCH OF BRUISES FOR IT, aND LIKE, aLL MY GIL TAKEN AWAY,
AC: :33 < ok well, as much as id like to just march up to vriska, even i have to admit it isnt necessarily going to be that easy
AC: :33 < well purrobably have to be stealthy! sneak up on them!
AC: :33 < maybe shoot them with arrows! and then go in fur the kill!
AT: wELL, i GUESS, tHAT MAKES A LITTLE MORE SENSE,
AT: bUT YOU'LL START OFF LOW LEVEL, sO YOU'D BETTER BE CAREFUL,
AC: :33 < come on, im no scaredy-cat!
AT: yOU'LL WANT A CLASS WITH BOW PROFICIENCY THEN,
AT: aND A LITTLE STEALTH, aND A LITTLE PANACHE,
AT: mAYBE A DIVINE URCHIN, oR A FREE MUSKETEER,
AT: oR WAIT, aCTUALLY,
AT: tHIS CHARACTER KIND OF SOUNDS, lIKE A PETARD'S WORST NIGHTMARE,
AC: :33 < great, lets get going!
AT: rIGHT, oK,
AT: tHE FIRST THING yOU'LL NEED TO DO, iS ROLL THESE,
AC: :33 < no, wait! first i n33d a name
AC: :33 < and it n33ds to be really awesome and worthy of someone whos definitely going to defend the weak and downtrodden
AC: :33 < but also kind of mysterious!
AC: :33 < a bright hoofbeast, a caped avenger out of a cave painting!
AT: hOW ABOUT, uH,
AT: "zORBO",
AT: oR MAYBE, "fLATMAN", oR, "tHE PURPLE ARROW",
AC: :33 < no, those really dont have the ring of st33l in them
AC: :33 < also, she n33ds to be a hero of the common people, not royalty
AT: oH, wELL, hOW ABOUT,
AT: "rOBBIN' HOOD",
AC: :33 < no, that sounds like a bad gangsters name!
AC: :33 < but yeah, my character would purrobably wear a hood to hide their face so theyre hard to identify
AC: :33 < like, a cowl?
AC: :33 < what about "catelyn cowl"?...
AC: :33 < its mysterious, and elegant, and it makes a cat pun!!!
AC: :33 < its purrfect, i love it!
AT: oK, iT LOOKS LIKE, yOU DIDN'T REALLY NEED MY HELP WITH THAT ONE,
AC: :33 < no you were really helpful! thanks so much!
AC: :33 < next thing i n33d is a back story
AC: :33 < and then a costume!
AT: aCTUALLY, yOU NEED TO ROLL THESE DICE, tO FILL OUT YOUR STATS,
AC: :33 < oh
AC: :33 < cant i just, uh, do that part later?
AT: wELL, uH, i GUESS, yOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT RIGHT NOW,
AT: bUT SOMETIME TODAY, iF YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY WITH US TOMORROW,
AC: :33 < tomorrow?!
AC: :33 < i n33d my costume right now then!
AT: yEAH, yOU'RE CUTTING IT KIND OF FINE,
AT: sO, iF YOU WANT, i CAN JUST ROLL UP A LOW LEVEL PETARD HOISTER,
AT: aND MESSAGE YOU WITH THE CHARACTER SHEET,
AT: wHILE YOU GO TALK WITH KANAYA, aBOUT YOUR COSTUME,
AC: :33 < kanaya?
AC: :33 < whos kanaya?
AT: sHE'S THE ONE, wHO'S IN CHARGE OF COSTUMES,
AT: sHE'S ALSO PRETTY NICE, i DON'T THINK SHE'LL REALLY MIND,
AT: hER HANDLE IS grimAuxilatrix [GA],
AC: :33 < yay! thanks tavros!
AC: :33 < s33 you soon!

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AC: :33 < uh
AC: :33 < hi?
AC: :33 < is this kanaya?
GA: This Is Kanaya Yes
GA: I Believe You Have Me At A Disadvantage
AC: :33 < what? how?
GA: I Mean I Dont Think Weve Met Until Just Now
AC: :33 < oh! hi! im nepeta!
GA: Pleased To Meet You Nepeta
GA: While I Would Love To Chat Im A Bit Busy At The Moment
GA: Maybe You Can Come Back Later In The Week And Tell Me To What I Owe The Satisfaction Of Our New Acquaintance
AC: :33 < well, uh, im planning on joining team charge fur the flarp thats going on tomorrow night?
GA: Wow
GA: If Thats Your Intention Then You Really Are Cutting It Quite Fine
AC: :33 < yeah, haha, thats what tavros said!
AC: :33 < he sent me to you to talk about costumes?
GA: Seriously
AC: :33 < ...yeah?
AC: :33 < aradia sent me to him to roll up a character?
GA: Seriously Then
GA: I Have Three Other Outfits To Finish For Team Charge Before Then
GA: I Dont Know How Im Going To Squeeze Yours In As Well
GA: Sometimes I Wonder Whether Either Tavros Or Aradia Are Capable Of Planning Their Way Out Of A Cellulose Mealsack
AC: :33 < omg im so sorry! i didnt know i was screwing everything up!
AC: :33 < i can just, maybe ill wait till next time?
AC: 33: < aw im so disappointed
GA: No It Isnt Your Fault
GA: And Its Not Exactly Fair Of Me To Penalize You For Signing Up To The Team At An Inconvenient Time
GA: Ill Figure It Out Somehow
AC: :33 < aaaaaaahhh! thats so nice of you thank you!
AC: :33 < *ac wreathes herself sinuously around gas ankles and purrs in gratitude*
GA: Uh
GA: Do You Perhaps Have Some Prior Experience With Roleplaying
AC: :33 < wait, oh no, was that weird?
AC: :33 < i just furgot weve only known each other fur like two minutes
GA: Never Mind Its Fine
GA: Is This The Character Youll Be Playing Then
AC: :33 < no no no! thats just fur my regular everyday roleplay
AC: :33 < my characters name is catelyn cowl
AC: :33 < shes a hero of the people who robs from rich highbloods and gives the spoils to poor lowbloods!
GA: I Begin To Understand Why Aradia Wanted You On The Team
GA: Can You Tell Me Any More About Catelyn
AC: :33 < oh! well
AC: :33 < shes about... my height, and built like me
GA: Yes I Think That Seems Self Evident Given The Circumstances
AC: :33 < shes a furrest bandit, so shell be wearing gr33n, to blend in
AC: :33 < shell n33d a cloak with a broad cowl that covers her face
GA: Will You Be Wearing Any Armor
AC: :33 < purrobably only light leather armor!
AC: :33 < shell n33d to be quick on her f33t
GA: So Maybe A Jerkin Plus Boots And Gloves
GA: Perhaps Bracers If She Is An Archer
GA: I Believe All Classes Can Use These
AC: :33 < yeah that sounds purrfect!
GA: All Right
GA: Youre In Luck Since Thats Basically What The Rest Of Team Charge Is Wearing Already
GA: I Was Quite Worried I Would Have To Make A Last Minute Fabric Run
AC: :33 < whew! im glad it isnt too much trouble after all!
GA: When Can You Make It Over For A Fitting
AC: :33 < uhhh
AC: :33 < a what?
GA: So I Can Measure You And Make You Clothes That Fit Well
AC: :33 < oh! sure! whens good fur you?
GA: I Normally Work During The Daytime
GA: Heres Where My Hive Is
GA: https://maps.buggle.alt/grimAuxiliatrix/index.php?pinnedLocation=Hive
AC: :33 < ...
AC: :33 < oh wow thats... really far away!
AC: :33 < and its in the middle of the desert!
GA: Im Sorry Nepeta But I Dont Think Ill Have Time To Come To You
GA: Can You Give Me At Least Some Idea Of Your Size Relative To Other Trolls
AC: :33 < uhhhhh.
AC: :33 < i think im purretty small? as small goes
GA: Relative To Tavros Or Aradia Specifically Lets Say
AC: :33 < oh yeah! im about the same size as tavros
GA: Okay How About This
GA: Ill Make Another Tavros Sized Set Of Leathers And A Green Cloak
GA: Ill Leave The Joints Mostly Open And Connect Everything With Laces
GA: Besides Being A Defensible Fashion Choice It Means You Can Adjust Them To Suit Yourself On The Spot
GA: The Chemise Is Pretty Loose Already And The Leggings Are Bias Cut So Theyll Stretch
GA: If You Have Your Own Boots And Gloves I Would Really Prefer You Used Those Since I Wont Be Able To Measure You For Them
AC: :33 < yeah no purroblem, i have both already!
GA: What A Relief
GA: Okay This May Actually Be Possible To Complete In An Afternoon
GA: Ill Drop The Finished Product Off With Aradia Since She Lives Near Me
GA: She Can Bring Them For You To The Event
AC: :33 < oh! that sounds great!
AC: :33 < but arent you coming yourself? whos your character?
GA: Oh Certainly Not
GA: I Dont Play Flarp Id Have To Stay Up All Night
GA: I Just Do The Teams Tailoring As A Favor To Aradia
GA: One She Is Becoming Increasingly Hard Pressed To Repay In Full
GA: And In Increasingly Fanciful Media Of Exchange
AC: :33 < wow! uh! thank you!
AC: :33 < its really kind of you to do all this work fur us!
AC: :33 < im going to turn in now, the sun rose a while ago
GA: Happy To Help
GA: Good Morning Nepeta
GA: And Good Luck As Catelyn In The Evening
AC: :33 < thanks again! bye!

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

Chapter Text

It was a crisp autumn evening when Nepeta awoke, with the setting sun pooling like honey in the mouth of her cave. She tossed and turned for a good ten minutes before setting aside the aspiration for further sleep; her heart and mind were racing too fast to lie back down.

So instead, she tossed off her bedfurs and stretched the whole of herself in her best longcat arch before rolling over, upwards, and out the door, still wearing the clothes she slept in. Pounce caught up with her in a pawful of bounds, and Nepeta jumped straight onto her back, barely breaking stride. It would be a good half an hour's ride to the battlefield -- plenty of time to come up with a backstory.

It actually took closer to an hour, including all the rest breaks under the trees. But by the time the full moon had picked up where the sun left off, and Nepeta had sorted out how Catelyn sat (on her knees), slept (on her side, curled between tree roots), and took her tea (no sugar, unlike herself!), Pounce was cresting the final hill and looking between the trees out onto the broad open plain below.

This was the place, surely?

Where was the rest of the team?

For a minute, Nepeta was really worried -- that she'd somehow gone to the wrong coordinates, that she was going to miss the battle. At last her frantic eyes stilled and settled upon the one vaguely troll-like figure, sticking out like a scrappy sapling amongst the thorny growth at the forest's edge. Two branch-like horns sticking out from the figure's head helped her recognize it: this was Tavros, who she hadn't seen in a sweep at least!

She had plenty of cover and runway to stalk, gather, and pounce on him in real life just as she'd done in the chat. This time he was not only surprised, but genuinely terrified at first. The two rolled end over end through piles of crunchy leaves and more than a few uncomfortable briar patches before coming to rest.

Shaking the leaves from his hair, Tavros looked back up into the moonlit grin of the catgirl pinning him to the earth, and groaned in recognition.

NEPETA: :33 < tavros!!!
TAVROS: oH, wHEW, iT'S JUST YOU,
NEPETA: :33 < hi! its totally me!
NEPETA: :33 < youve gotten taller! and harder to pounce on!
TAVROS: i'M GLAD TO SEE YOU, i WAS STARTING TO WORRY,
TAVROS: bUT LIKE, cOULD YOU GIVE ME, a LITTLE MORE WARNING NEXT TIME,
NEPETA: :33 < oh! uh
NEPETA: :33 < yeah sorry
NEPETA: :33 < i guess i got carried away!
TAVROS: eH, iT'S OKAY,
TAVROS: iF I HAD HEARD YOU, tHAT PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN,
TAVROS: a GREAT START, fOR A STEALTH PLAYER,
NEPETA: :33 < haha i guess so!
NEPETA: :33 < *ac bows her head bashfully as she accepts the complim-*
NEPETA: :33 < wait, no, hold on!
NEPETA: :33 < i have to get into my other character!
TAVROS: yEAH, aND NONE TOO SOON,
TAVROS: yOUR GEAR IS, uH, bACK UP THAT WAY,

And with that, Tavros started his dreary, long-suffering trudge back up the slope. Nepeta followed in her turn, vibrating with anticipation.

The gear was much as Kanaya had described. The bows needed to be strung, which was no mean feat; Tavros wrestled for a good five minutes with a great longbow half again as tall as he was, before Nepeta eventually took pity on him and gave him a hand with it. Tavros returned the hand with interest in navigating the complicated laces and buckles on Nepeta's armor. At last she pinned the soft green cloak into place with a elegant brooch resembling a bow and arrow, and stood transformed -- no longer arsenicCatnip, but a mysterious hero of twilight.

The handful of other FLARPers who had straggled onto the scene by then seemed at first not to notice her, and then to notice her all at once when Tavros introduced her. How would Catelyn react? Not with a shy wave, as Nepeta would do, but with a firm handshake and steady smile. Was she doing it right? She wasn't sure -- everyone seemed so quiet, and awed, and had this faraway glimmer in their faces as they drank in the whole of her. Was that what she expected?

The last piece of gear was an odd one, and a bit unsettling. Tavros led Nepeta towards a ledge near the top of the slope where a fat purple grub sprawled out, lazily laying a string of round white eggs. The nearest of these hatched into a fluttering apparition with leathery wings that settled on Nepeta's wrist and promptly, without leave, bit her finger. Nepeta yelped and startled, but her alarm turned quickly back to curiosity as an array of shimmering statistics sprang from the night air, orbiting her head.

Nepeta was still staring at this baffling display of text, and only just recognizing the contents of her character sheet, when she felt something leaving a slimy trail just on the rim of her ear. She yelped again and scrabbled at the unseen thing, now burrowing into her ear canal -- ugh -- then jumped even higher when it started talking to her oh my god

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

GC: GR33T1NGS 4ND S4LUT4T1ONS, C4T3LYN!
GC: 1'M T3R3Z1 PYROP3 4ND 1'LL B3 CLOUD1NG FOR T34M CH4RG3 TON1GHT
AC: :33 < oh!
AC: :33 < uh
AC: :33 < hi!
AC: :33 < nice to m33t you!
AC: :33 < but what are you doing in my ear?
GC: CONV3N13NT H4NDS-FR33 CONN3CT1ON, TH4T'S 4LL
GC: YOU KNOW HOW TH1S 1S SUPPOS3D TO GO, R1GHT?
AC: :33 < i think so!
AC: :33 < youre the one that describes the world, right?
AC: :33 < and throws challenges at us?
GC: YOU'V3 GOT 1T
GC: 4ND HOLY SH1T, DO YOU H4V3 4 CH4LL3NG3 4H34D OF YOU

The rustling of leaves in the breeze distracted Nepeta just as she was totally going to listen to Terezi explain what was probably an awful lot of important detail about the system. Near the crest of the ridge a willowy figure, with flowing black hair and curling horns close to the side of her head, sat astride an elegant black hoofbeast, its flanks gleaming in the moonlight. Unlike the other Charge members, she bore no weapon, and the cascade of burgundy skirts spilling over the sides of her saddle would have made it difficult for her to fight on foot. She stared into the far distance at the approaching future, silent as a stone.

Nepeta knew it was, at least in theory, rude to stare. But it must have been at least a few minutes before Terezi's voice jolted her back to the present moment.

GC: 4NY QU3ST1ONS, C4T3LYN?
AC: :33 < actually
AC: :33 < who's that lady on the hoofbeast?
GC: TH4T'S 4R4D14!
GC: SH3 NORM4LLY PL4YS 4S T34M CH4RG3'S L34D3R, M41D M4R4LYN
GC: BUT SH3'S CLOUD1NG FOR T34M SCOURG3 TON1GHT, SO SH3'S NOT 1N TH3 B4TTL3
AC: :33 < oh!
AC: :33 < wow
AC: :33 < she looks amazing!
AC: :33 < i didnt recognize her at first
AC: :33 < but shouldnt she be back at her terminal?
GC: SH3'S DO1NG 1T 4LL FROM H3R P4LMHUSK
GC: 4NYW4Y, L3T'S G3T ST4RT3D
GC: T34M SCOURG3 1S 4LMOST H3R3, SO PR3P4R3 YOURS3LF!

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

adiosToreador [AT] opened memo aboard TEAM CHARGE.

AT: oKAY, hERE'S THE DEAL,
AT: tEAM SCOURGE WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE,
AT: aND OUR JOB, iS TO RAID THEIR CARAVAN,
AT: wHICH IS FULL OF GIL, aND SOME OTHER COOL MAGIC STUFF,
AT: tHAT THEY'LL BE TRANSPORTING THROUGH THIS AREA,

arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo.

AC: :33 D --> i have a question
AT: sURE, gO FOR IT NEPETA, i MEAN CATELYN,
AC: :33 D --> why are they taking a caravan full of valuable stuff through this open area where we can just attack them like this?
AT: tHAT'S AN EXCELLENT QUESTION CATELYN,
AT: aND THE ANSWER IS, wHO CARES,
AT: yOU KNOW WE CAN'T PASS UP THE CHANCE,
AC: :33 D --> what if its a trap though?
AT: uH, wELL, i GUESS THAT'S POSSIBLE,
AT: mAYBE EVEN LIKELY, sINCE WE'RE DEALING WITH TEAM SCOURGE,
AT: sO OUR GOAL IS, tO GRAB AS MUCH OF THEIR CACHE AS WE CAN,
AT: bEFORE GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THERE,
AC: :33 D --> and then share it, right?
AT: uHHH, wITH WHO,
AC: :33 D --> you know, share the loot with the other players?
AC: :33 D --> the ones who couldnt join us tonight?
AT: oH, yEAH,
AT: nATURALLY, oF COURSE,
AT: tHE REST OF THE TEAM, sHOULDN'T MISS OUT,
AC: >:33 D --> its not just team charge that had stuff stolen though right
AT: wELLLLL,
AC: >:33 D --> we wont be heroes if we dont, just regular bandits!
AC: >:33 D --> which wont be any better than team scourge!
AC: >:33 D --> besides, wouldnt it be way more fun that way?

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.

GC: DON'T FORG3T TH4T 1'M 4 M3MB3R OF T34M SCOURG3 TOO, C4T3LYN
GC: 4ND TH4T 1 COULD TOT4LLY R34D 4LL TH4T >:[
AC: >:33 D --> what? augh!
AC: >:33 D --> how is it fair for you to listen in on us?!
GC: B3C4US3 YOU'LL H4V3 TO T3LL M3 YOUR PL4N 4NYW4Y WH3N YOU T4K3 4CT1ONS, DUMB4SS!
AT: dON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT TOO MUCH,
AT: tEREZI'S COOL, aND SHE CAN'T HOLD IT AGAINST US AS A CLOUDER, i THINK,
GC: N4H, TH4T WOULD B3 TOT4LLY 4G41NST TH3 RUL3S 1N MY CURR3NT ROL3
GC: 1 C4N'T T3LL VR1SK4 4BOUT YOUR PL4NS WH1L3 1'M CLOUD1NG 31TH3R
GC: BUT W4TCH OUT N3XT T1M3 1'M PL4Y1NG 1N P3RSON >;]
AT: aNYWAY, hOW ABOUT, wE FIGURE ALL THAT OUT LATER, aFTER WE WIN,
GC: H3H3H3H3, Y34H, YOU SHOULDN'T G3T 4H34D OF YOURS3LV3S H3R3
AC: >:33 D --> i think its impurrtant to get the goal straight before we start
AT: oKAY, fINE, wHATEVER,
AT: wE'LL SET ASIDE, aT LEAST HALF THE GIL,
AT: fOR A GENERAL SCOURGE AMNESTY FUND, tHAT ANYONE CAN ACCESS,
AC: >:33 D --> thats more like it!
AC: >:33 D --> NOW lets come up with a plan

adiosToreador [AT] attached file "tOPSECRETPLAN,JPG" to memo.

AT: aLRIGHT, sO, cHECK OUT MY SWEET MAP,
AT: tHE ROAD IS HERE, aND THE CARAVAN IS COMING DOWN THIS WAY,
AT: tHAT'S SLIGHTLY OUT OF RANGE OF OUR BOWS, fROM THE FOREST,
AT: sO, i SUGGEST WE CHOP A FEW BRANCHES DOWN, aND CARRY THEM WITH US,
AT: tHAT'S WHY IT'S GOOD, tHAT WE HAVE SOME EXTRA PLAYERS TONIGHT,
AC: >:33 D --> tavros, theyre not "extra"!
AC: >:33 D --> everyone counts here!
AT: cOME ON, tHAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT,
AC: >:33 D --> well it sure sounded like it!
AC: >:33 D --> giving cover is super important, and dangerous!
AT: oKAY, oKAY, jEEEEEEEEZ,
AT: aLL I MEANT WAS, wE HAVE MORE THAN THE USUAL NUMBER OF PLAYERS,
AT: sO SOME CAN PROVIDE COVER, wHILE OTHERS SHOOT,
AC: :33 D --> also, wont a moving forest look kind of suspicious?
AT: wELL, mAYBE,
AT: bUT BY THE TIME THEY FIGURE THAT OUT, tHEY'LL HAVE WORSE PROBLEMS,
AT: tHEY'LL PROBABLY CIRCLE AROUND THE LOOT,
AC: :33 D --> what if they rush us instead? on open ground?
AT: tHEN WE FALL BACK, tO THE TREES,
AT: aND IF THEY DO THAT, tHEN,
AT: yOU TRY TO SNEAK UP BEHIND, aND GRAB THE LOOT,
AC: :33 D --> it doesnt sound like were very prepurred for this!
AT: wELL, tHEY'LL BE OUTNUMBERED, sO THAT'LL HELP,
AT: aND ALSO,
AT: oH SHIT, hERE THEY COME,

adiosToreador [AT] closed memo.

Nothing that night went according to plan.

Chapter Text

As expected, the caravan was heavily defended. Some troll-sized armored ground troops carrying pikes and shields marched in double file on either side of the buggies. Scattered among these lumbered a half-dozen monstrous giants, twice a troll's height, armed with clubs and clad in enormous plates of iron. Shadowy winged beasts, of indistinct shape and unknown capabilities, circled langourously in the airspace above.

Nepeta shivered in the cool night air, and tightened her grip on her bow. Although the arrows were virtual game constructs, the tension in the bow's draw was reassuringly physical.

The first volley of virtual arrows sent over the branches went mostly astray, and served only to alert the opposing army to the danger. As Nepeta had feared, the enemy's response was to send three of the giants straight towards the forest to clear it, while the Team Scourge pikemen gathered and formed a line of battle behind them. A few valiant archers provided covering fire while the rest of Team Charge ran for the safety of the trees.

Something teased at Nepeta's mind like a loose strand of yarn. Why were there so few pikemen actually near the caravan?

AC: :33 D --> catelyn is going to sneak behind the ogre lines and s33 whats actually going on back there
GC: 4ND L34V3 TH3 R3ST OF YOUR T34M TO TH3 G14NTS' M3RCY?
AC: :33 D --> thats purretty bad, but i have to trust tavros there!
AC: :33 D --> theyll have the furrest and hedges for cover
AC: :33 D --> something f33ls weird and i n33d to check it out
GC: YOU R34LLY DON'T H4V3 MUCH COV3R H3R3, THOUGH
GC: YOU'LL B3 ROLL1NG ST34LTH 4T 4 P3N4LTY
AC: :33 D --> well, theres a battle on
AC: :33 D --> and they purrobably arent expecting anyone to flank them, since theyre watching the tr33s

The moon guttered like a wet torch as a dense patch of cloud passed in front of it.

AC: :33 D --> ok now is the time!
AC: :33 D --> catelyn rides like the wind in a wide circle behind enemy lines, upon her fearless mount
AC: :33 D --> uh
AC: :33 D --> leonardo da veni vidi vici
GC: TH4T'S 4N 4W3SOM3 N4M3 FOR 4 G14NT PURRB34ST
GC: OH, 4ND YOU S3R1OUSLY W4NT P3OPL3 TO 1GNOR3 H1M TOO?
AC: :33 D --> of course! hes fast and his f33t are naturally silent
GC: *roll*
GC: OOH, GOOD ROLL
GC: WH1L3 3V3RYON3 3LS3'S 3Y3S 4DJUST, YOU SL1P 1NTO THE COV3R OF N1GHT 4ND M4K3 YOUR W4Y UNS33N B3H1ND 3N3MY L1N3S
GC: YOU'D B3TT3R HURRY, THOUGH, TH1S CLOUD COV3R WON'T L4ST LONG

While arrows flew behind them, Pounce carried Nepeta swiftly across the field, towards the waiting caravan. A few chain-mailed stragglers leaned sullenly on their pikes, guarding the wagons at best nominally, while they regarded the pomp and pageantry of far-off battle.

GC: YOU'R3 D3F1N1T3LY CLOS3 3NOUGH FOR THOS3 DORKS TO S33 YOU NOW
AC: :33 D --> but they dont look like theyre paying much attention!
AC: :33 D --> look at them, theyre just standing around chewing their cuds
GC: F41R 3NOUGH
GC: W3LL, WH4T DO YOU DO FROM H3R3?
AC: :33 D --> catelyn carefully dips the head of an arrow in oil
AC: :33 D --> then, as quickly and surely as possible
AC: :33 D --> she lights it and sets the nearest wagon on fire!
GC: H4H4H4, 1'D L1K3 TO S33 YOU TRY TH4T W1THOUT TH3M NOT1C1NG
GC: *roll*
GC: OK, TWO OF TH3M NOT1C3 TH3 TORCHL1GHT 4ND ST4RT M4RCH1NG YOUR W4Y
GC: *roll*
GC: BUT YOUR 4RROW FL13S TRU3
GC: *roll*
GC: 4ND TH3 W4GON GO3S UP 1N FL4M3S!
GC: N1C3 JOB, C4T3LYN, BURN1NG TH3 TR34SUR3
AC: :33 D --> she knows what shes doing!

A hue and cry went up as the guards flailed around and searched in vain for water to douse the flames.

GC: NOW YOU'V3 DON3 1T
AC: :33 D --> sure, but while theyre dealing with that
AC: :33 D --> catelyn rides further down the wagon train and starts searching the wagon at the other end!
GC: TH1S 1S PR3TTY D4NG3ROUS, YOU KNOW
GC: TH3 F1R3L1GHT W1LL M4K3 1T 34S13R TO S33 YOU
GC: TH3Y KNOW YOU'R3 H3R3 NOW 4ND W1LL B3 LOOK1NG FOR YOU
AC: :33 D --> not while they think their treasure is burning they wont!
AC: :33 D --> whats in this other wagon?
GC: TH3 W4GON 1S MOSTLY JUST FULL OF STR4W
GC: *roll*
GC: BUT DOWN 4T TH3 BOTTOM, YOU D1SCOVER 4 SM4LL CH3ST
AC: :33 D --> is it locked?
GC: 1NCRED1BLY, NO
AC: :33 D --> cool! catelyn just opens it then
GC: 1T CONT41NS 4 F41RLY ORD1N4RY ST4T1ON3RY K1T
GC: 4 FOUNT41N P3N, H4LF 4 DOZ3N QU1LL P3NS, 4N 1NKW3LL, 4 P41NTBRUSH
GC: 4ND 4 SM4LL P3NKNIF3
GC: 4LL MONOGRAMM3D "MSM"
AC: :33 D --> catelyn stashes it in her pack and makes a run for it!
AC: :33 D --> on leonardo, of course
AC: :33 D --> after she sets this wagon on fire too!
GC: *roll*
GC: OH FUCK
AC: :33 D --> what?
GC: LOOKS L1K3 YOU GOT TH3 4TT3NT1ON OF TH3 M4RQU1S3 H3RS3LF

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

AG: And just where the hell do you think you're going with that?
AC: :33 D --> back behind my teams lines, obviously!
AG: Really? You're petty enough to steal my personal st8tionery kit and set fire to my caravan while your friends are getting pounded into a fine paste?
AC: :33 D --> i bet its the most valuable thing in the whole wagon train
AC: :33 D --> admit it, you set these empty wagons up as bait for us!
AG: With pride!
AG: It's the only thing that's worth admitting anything with.
AG: Now that that's settled, hand over the damn st8tionery.
AC: :33 D --> ill fight you for it, march33se hindpang!
AG: Seriously? Are we doing this, Catnip Yowl?
AG: All right, have it your way.
AG: Game fucking ON.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

GC: H4H4H4, 1'M G1V1NG YOU SOM3 TR4SH T4LK BONUS3S FOR SUR3, C4T3LYN
GC: BUT SH3'S JUST DR4WN 4 N4STY-LOOK1NG CUTL4SS 4ND 1S 4BOUT TO STR1K3
GC: WH4T DO YOU DO?
AC: :33 D --> cant catelyn just shoot her?
GC: SH3'S W4Y TOO CLOS3!
GC: YOU'LL N3V3R G3T TH3 SHOT OFF, 1 DON'T C4R3 WH4T YOU ROLL
AC: :33 D --> and she doesnt have a knife or anything in her boot?
GC: 1T'S NOT ON YOUR CH4R4CT3R SH33T, SO, NO
AC: :33 D --> catelyn throws the inkwell in the marquise's face!
GC: *roll*
GC: 4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!!!
GC: HOLY FUCK1NG SH1T, C4T3LYN
GC: 1 C4NNOT *FUCK1NG* B3L13V3 TH1S
AC: :33 D --> hahaha, does the marquise have ink all over her now?
GC: TH3 M4RQU1S3 N4RROWLY DODG3S TH3 *M3D4LT3RN14N F1R3*
GC: WH1CH S3TS TH3 H3M OF H3R CO4T, 4ND 4 W1D3 4R34 OF N34RBY L4WN, 4BL4Z3
GC: SH3'S OFF B4L4NC3 4ND TRY1NG TO PUT OUT TH3 ST1CKY FL4M1NG SUBST4NC3 B3FOR3 SH3'S R34LLY B4DLY BURNT
AC: :33 D --> oh my god?
AC: :33 D --> while she's distracted, catelyn stabs her with the pen!
GC: YOU'V3 GOT TH3 1N1T14T1V3, C4T3LYN
GC: BUT YOU DON'T H4V3 SWORD PROF1C13NCY, SO
AC: :33 D --> wait, what sword?
GC: *roll*
GC: *roll*
GC: *roll*
GC: WH1L3 TH3 M4RQU1S3 1S D1STR4CT3D, YOU M4N4G3 TO SCOR3 4 H1T ON H3R, GR4Z1NG H3R SHOULD3R W1TH TH3 *R4P13R OF R1CH3L13U*
GC: SH3'S 3V3N MORE SURPR1S3D NOW, BUT BL33D1NG, 4ND HOPP1NG M4D
AC: :33 D --> what the actual ?!?!?!
AC: :33 D --> ok, these pens are way more than they s33med at first
AC: :33 D --> catelyn stuffs the rapier back in the box, jumps on leonardo and rides as fast as she can back towards the main battle!

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

AG: Hey, Catnip!
AG: You set enough things on fire 8ack here?
AG: Well, two can play at that game!
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

As Nepeta raced with Pounce back towards the line of battle at breakneck pace, the meaning of the Marquise's words, still ringing in her ears, dawned on her with all the heat and fury of an Alternian afternoon. The brush and briars on the slope behind Team Charge had been set ablaze, and the flames were spreading rapidly towards the forest, making it useless as cover for archers. Her companions had been hemmed in and forced to fight hand-to-hand on open ground. The fire would most likely stop when it hit the river (far from Nepeta's home), but this was small comfort as certain defeat loomed.

If she could only get these weapons to Aradia -- no, to Tavros! -- and demonstrate them for the team!

Weaving, dodging, dancing -- a flaming branch here, a pike blow there, so-called friendly fire in the shape of an arrow from yonder -- Nepeta made her way back, back, back. More than a few Scourge pikemen fell with arrows in their backs. The giants were the biggest trouble; although the Charge troops were handling as best they could the great flaming brands that they once had thought to use for cover, they were simply being overpowered by their much larger enemies.

A cheer went up when Nepeta drew the paintbrush from the stationery kit, and promptly stabbed one of the giants in the back of the knee with it. The thing came to its knees with a CRASH, now no more than a match for the Team Charge members harassing it. Tavros looked on with wonder, astonishment, and no small degree of jealousy as the wounded giant was subdued. The other two giants on the front lines met similar fates.

No sooner had Nepeta finished her jousting passes and tossed the LANCE-A-LOT to Tavros, however, than she found herself mysteriously losing contact with Pounce's back. A sharp pain in both her shoulders followed as razor-sharp talons pierced her leather jerkin. The stationery kit fell from her open pack, spilling its precious, tide-turning contents onto the muddy ground below.

Kicking, hissing, yowling, spitting, and still firing well-aimed arrows as she went, Nepeta was dragged by the sky-terror back towards Team Scourge territory. Tavros and his compatriots watched in disbelief as the awful beast climbed higher and higher with its cargo, a blot against the dull orange of the flame-lit clouds still trespassing across the face of the moon.

The last face Nepeta could make out, before the trolls became nothing more than ants to her, was Aradia's.

Chapter Text

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: You can see me, right.
AG: Tell me what is wrong with this fucking picture!
GC: VR1SK4, DO YOU R34LLY W4NT M3 TO B3 P3D4NT1C 4BOUT YOUR PHR4S1NG
GC: OR DO YOU W4NT M3 TO 4NSW3R TH3 QU3ST1ON YOU'R3 4CTU4LLY 4SK1NG
GC: 1 C4N DO 31TH3R ON3, 1'M 34SY
AG: Aaaaaaaaugh!!!!!!!!
AG: Never mind! Just, AUGH.
AG: How did this even happen, Pyrope!
GC: 3XPLO1T4T1ON OF OBJ3CT-W34PON DU4L1TY, MOSTLY
AG: I don't give a shit a8out the proxim8 cause, I mean the ultim8 cause!!!!!!!!
GC: W3LL, VR1SKA, TH3 SHORT V3RS1ON 1S
GC: 1T S33MS YOU GOT OV3RCONF1D3NT 4BOUT TH3 C4MP41GN 4G41N
GC: 4ND F41L3D TO PL4N FOR TH3 POSS1B1L1TY TH4T 4 P3T4RD-HO1ST3R WOULD
GC: YOU KNOW
GC: HO1ST YOUR P3T4RD
AG: My petard has 8een on full Serket lockdown the entire damn time!
AG: How could a literal noo8 possi8ly have hoisted that shit?!
GC: 1'M GOING TO GO 34T SOM3 D3L1C1OUS CH4LK WH1L3 YOU B1TCH 4BOUT TH4T
GC: W3 C4N DO 4 PROP3R D3BR13F 4NYT1M3 YOU'R3 R34DY
AG: Okay, okay, fine! God!
AG: O8viously I didn't want to put anything really valua8le in any of the open wagons.
AG: At most, a few ill-gotten gains, to act as chump 88.
AG: What I wasn't expecting was for them to have that ass8uckler start 8urning the caravan that she should have thought held treasure.
AG: Or for her to find any of the high-level gear.
AG: Or, having found it, to recognize what it was.
AG: And then arm their remaining troops with it.
AG: How the 8CTU8L F8CK did the R8PIER OF F8CKING R8CH8LIEU end up in my ST8TION8RY K8T, anyway?!?!?!?!
GC: MUST H4V3 F4LL3N OUT OF YOUR SYLL4D3X OR SOM3TH1NG
AG: Oh, give me a 8r8k! When was the last time that happened?!
GC: 4NYW4Y, G1V3 C4T3LYN SOM3 FUCK1NG CR3D1T 4LR34DY
GC: 1T W4S 4 LONG SHOT, 4ND 1 W4S 1MPR3SS3D TH4T SH3 PULL3D 1T OFF!
GC: 4ND HON3STLY, YOU GOT K1ND OF GR33DY YOURS3LF
GC: YOU'D H4V3 DON3 B3TT3R C1RCL1NG TH3 W4GONS 1NTO D3F3NS1V3 POS1T1ON
AG: Defend against these losers, though? You must 8e kidding me!
AG: You know what the 8est defense is? A good offense!
GC: S33, TH4T R1GHT TH3R3? TH4T'S WH4T H4PP3N3D
AG: Stop 8eing right, you lousy goddamn perceptive strategist!
GC: W3LL, LOOK ON TH3 BR1GHT S1D3
GC: YOU LOST SOM3 V4LU4BL3 G34R
GC: BUT YOU CAUGHT TH31R N3W ST4R PL4Y3R!
AG: Haha, so I did!
AG: And you know what I'm gonna do with her?
AG: I'm gonna feed her to my lusus!!!!!!!!
AG: No passing go, no collecting 200 8oondollars!
AG: That girl's new name is Lunch!
GC: VR1SK4!!!
GC: DON'T DO 1T
AG: Give me one good reason why not!
GC: W3LL
GC: YOU F1N4LLY H4V3 4 N3M3S1S 4G41N!
GC: W4SN'T TH4T B4TTL3 4 F4NT4ST1C CH4LL3NG3?
GC: M4YB3 3V3N 4 L1TTL3... P1TCH3D?
AG: Oh, do NOT try to fix me up with a noo8 FLARPer in ANY quadrant.
AG: I've got enough history and drama just with Tavros, without getting any more Team Charge mem8ers involved here.
AG: I'm telling you, Lunch is her middle name now. Catelyn Lunch Cowl.
GC: TH3N HOW 4BOUT SOM3 MOR3 PR4CT1C4L CONS1D3R4T1ONS?
GC: C4T3LYN COWL H4S B3COM3 TH3 T4LK OF TH3 TOWN
GC: 4N OV3RN1GHT S3NS4T1ON, TH3 LOWBLOODS' F4VOR1T3
GC: 1F YOU JUST TOSS H3R 1NTO TH3 P1T, SH3'LL B3COM3 4 M4RTYR, 4 SYMBOL
GC: YOU SHOULDN'T UND3R3STIM4T3 HOW MUCH OF OUR CURR3NT DOM1N4NT POS1T1ON W3 OW3 TO SH33R 1NT1M1D4T1ON
GC: YOU H4V3 TO PUBL1CLY D1SCR3D1T H3R B3FOR3 YOU D1SPOS3 OF H3R
AG: Oh, really.
GC: L34V3 H3R TO M3
GC: 1'LL PUT H3R ON TR14L FOR B4ND1TRY, M4K3 1T 4 SP3CT4CL3
GC: SH3'LL MOST L1K3LY 1NCR1M1N4T3 H3RS3LF ON TH3 SPOT
GC: W1TH R3B3LL1OUS T4LK OF ROBB1NG TH3 H1GHBLOODS, 4ND G1V1NG TH3 PROC33DS TO TH3 LOWBLOODS
GC: H3R D3M1S3 W1LL B3 4LL BUT 4SSUR3D
AG: Come on, do you seriously 8elieve any of that hemospectrum 8ullshit?
AG: I'm not 8etter than everyone else 8ecause my goddamn 8lood is 8lue.
AG: I'm 8etter than everyone else 8ecause I'm Marquise Spinneret Mindfang.
GC: 1T DO3SN'T M4TT3R WH4T 1 B3L13V3 H3R3
GC: 1'M JUST 4N 1NSTRUM3NT OF BL1ND JUST1C3, 4R3N'T 1?
AG: ...
AG: ...
AG: ...
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
AG: Terezi, you're magnificent.
AG: I can't imagine partnering with anyone else in this 8usiness.
GC: SO W3'R3 4GR33D?
AG: Sure! Go nuts.
AG: 8ut don't forget.
AG: Next time, I'm the one clouding.
AG: So don't get any funny ideas.
AG: I can tell you're already waaaaaaaay too attached to her.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

apocalypseArisen [AA] started trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AA: s0
AA: tavr0s
AA: im n0t really sure h0w best t0 describe what happened tonight
AA: d0 y0u want to have a sh0t at it
AT: uH,
AT: tO BE HONEST, nOT REALLY,
AA: try t0 sum it up
AA: the g00d parts versi0n
AT: wELL,
AT: iT TURNS OUT MY BRILLANT PLAN, aCTUALLY SUCKED,
AT: lIKE, a PHYSICAL BLACK HOLE, sUCKING BRILLIANCE FROM EVERYWHERE,
AT: i GOT OUR WHOLE ARMY TRAPPED, aBOUT TO BE SQUASHED LIKE BUGS,
AA: i said the g00d parts versi0n tavr0s
AT: aNYWAY, i GUESS THAT WAS OKAY,
AT: bECAUSE, nEPETA WAS FUCKING AWESOME,
AT: eVEN THOUGH, sHE'D NEVER FLARPED BEFORE,
AT: sHE STOLE SOME BADASS WEAPONS, fROM VRISKA'S PERSONAL STASH,
AT: aND TOOK OUT SOMETHING LIKE, hALF OF TEAM SCOURGE'S ARMY, bY HERSELF,
AA: amazing what 0ne g00d petard h0ister can acc0mplish
AA: and then?
AT: rIGHT, tHIS WAS THE BEST PART, eXCEPT NOT, aT ALL,
AT: sHE GOT CARRIED AWAY, bY SOME WINGED SKYTERROR,
AT: aND NOW SHE'S PROBABLY, wHO EVEN KNOWS WHERE,
AA: actually i kn0w where she is
AT: oH,
AT: rEALLY,
AA: i was team sc0urges cl0uder remember?

apocalypseArisen [AA] sent adiosToreador [AT] the file "SO8USTED.txt"

AA: but actually i didnt need to be
AA: they sent this ann0uncement t0 all the public flarp b0ards
AA: saying that catelyn c0wl is t0 g0 0n trial f0r banditry and rebelli0n
AA: the pr0secut0r will seek the usual penalty
AA: which is 0f c0urse death
AT: oH, oF COURSE IT IS,
AT: tHANKS A LOT TEREZI, rEAL COOL,
AA: i agree
AA: i think its bullshit and im pissed at terezi ab0ut it
AA: but t0 be fair t0 her
AA: im n0t sure redglare is in a p0siti0n t0 d0 anything else
AA: i actually think shes trying t0 give catelyn a fighting chance
AA: after all
AA: vriska c0uld have just killed her
AA: 0r
AA: y0u kn0w
AA: w0rse
AT: oH MY GOD,
AT: i DON'T EVEN, wANT TO THINK ABOUT IT,
AA: neither d0 i
AA: which is why we have to save her
AT: eXCUSE ME,
AT: wHILE I DON'T REALLY,,, dISAGREE, iN PRINCIPLE,
AT: dO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA, hOW EXACTLY WE'RE GOING TO DO IT IN PRACTICE,
AA: well
AA: its g0ing to be a cl0se thing
AA: we rec0vered the items catelyn st0le for us
AA: and salvaged s0me m0re fr0m the sm0king ruins 0f the sc0urge caravan
AA: but we t00k a l0t of casualties in the battle
AA: we may not have en0ugh higher level team members t0 m0unt a fr0ntal assault 0n team sc0urge
AT: oKAY, sO,
AT: sOUNDS LIKE, wE'RE NOT REALLY ANY BETTER OFF,
AA: i want t0 try
AA: we have t0 try!
AA: weve both kn0wn nepeta f0r a really l0ng time
AA: shes 0ne 0f 0ur best friends even th0ugh shes never played with us bef0re
AA: and as s00n as she d0es
AA: she c0mmits to c0mpletely changing the balance 0f p0wer in flarp
AA: and then she actually d0es it in her first game
AA: i d0nt kn0w when this will ever happen again
AA: we cant just think ab0ut 0urselves here
AA: we cant even just think 0f her
AA: we have t0 think 0f every0ne
AT: ,,,
AA: can y0u d0 me a fav0r tavr0s
AT: uH, i GUESS,
AT: wHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO,
AA: i want y0u t0 cl0ud f0r the trial scenari0
AT: wAIT, wHAT SCENARIO,
AA: d0nt y0u get it?
AA: the trial is happening within flarp
AA: so the trial itself will be a flarp event
AA: and thats when well have t0 strike
AT: uH, iT SOUNDS DANGEROUS,
AT: eSPECIALLY IF, wE GET PUT ON TRIAL TOO,
AA: were already 0n trial all the time
AA: t0 be a l0wbl00d 0n alternia is t0 be on trial all the time
AA: and right n0w flarp isnt really any different
AA: but it c0uld be
AT: oH MAN, nOT YOU TOO ARADIA,
AA: i want y0u t0 cl0ud s0 i can j0in the campaign pers0nally
AA: as maid maralyn
AA: i think thats the 0nly way it can be successful
AT: bUT IF REDGLARE, iS RUNNING THE TRIAL, iN CHARACTER,
AT: tHAT PUTS ME UP AGAINST VRISKA,
AA: thats true
AA: d0 y0u think y0u can handle her in a cl0ud 0ff?
AT: wELL, i GUESS,
AT: i'M GOING TO HAVE TO,
AT: i JUST HOPE, i DON'T LET EVERYONE DOWN, lIKE I DID LAST NIGHT,
AA: thanks tavr0s
AA: y0u w0nt
AA: y0ull d0 fine
AA: well get catelyn back
AA: and nepeta with her

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

Chapter Text

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CT: D --> Who are you
CT: D --> And what have you done with Nepeta
GA: Oh God What
GA: I Might Ask You The Same With A Handle Like That
CT: D --> I don't have to e%plain my handle to you
CT: D --> And even if I did, what would be wrong with it
CT: D --> It evokes virility and STRENGTH, noble traits I wear with pride
CT: D --> The e%cellence in my veins, condensed into five short syllables
GA: Um
GA: Right
GA: I Doubt It Will Be Productive To Argue With You About Any Of That
GA: How Did You Get My Trollian Handle
CT: D --> Let me e100cidate
CT: D --> You are the most recent troll in Nepeta's on-screen history
CT: D --> And therefore the last one I know her to have talked to
CT: D --> She's closed the windows though, so I have no a%ess to the content of your conversation
CT: D --> Which only makes my suspicions STRONGER
GA: It May Not Surprise You To Know The Feeling Is Mutual
GA: You Still Havent Told Me Why I Should Trust You In Any Case
GA: Particularly If You Trust Nepeta So Little As To Investigate Her Online Interactions With Friends Other Than Yourself
GA: If Indeed You Are Her Friend
CT: D --> I am a%ually her moirail
CT: D --> It is my responsibility to see to it, among other things
CT: D --> That she avoids unnecessary risks
CT: D --> Forswears 100rid or e%cessive forms of violence
CT: D --> And eschews l00se and corrupting lowb100d inf100ences
GA: Such As Myself I Assume You Mean
CT: D --> Well, if your te%t color refle% your b100d color, as it should, then you are at least of a higher station than her
CT: D --> I'm not sure what legitimate business she would have talking to anyone from the brooding caves
CT: D --> But although I could hope to place her in better society overall, I have no immediate obje%ion to her talking to you
GA: For The Record CT
GA: This Particular Thread Of Conversation Is Not Exactly Encouraging Me To Help you Find Her
CT: D --> Is it not
CT: D --> I don't see why it matters
CT: D --> You are duty bound to assist me in locating her and ensuring her safety
CT: D --> And I command you to do so immediately
GA: What If Thats Not Possible
GA: Due To A Sudden Case Of Me Not Really Feeling Like It
CT: D --> Then
CT: D --> Uh
CT: D --> I will have to resort to e%traordinary measures
GA: Such As
CT: D --> E%cuse me
CT: D --> I need a towel

centaursTesticle [CT] is idle!

GA: Do You Really Think Continuing To Insult Me Is The Most Effective Way To Extract Information From Me
GA: You Know What Dont Answer That
GA: Im Beginning To Think Nepeta Will Be Better Off If I Simply Block You

centaursTesticle [CT] is no longer idle!

CT: D --> I can assure you, that won't be the case
CT: D --> Indeed, although I despise yielding points such as this one
CT: D --> I'm afraid you are correct
CT: D --> With no further information to go on, and time of the essence
CT: D --> The stru%ure of the situation renders me unable to compel your participation in the right and proper way
CT: D --> I must therefore ask if you will
CT: D --> Please
CT: D --> Help me
CT: D --> To locate Nepeta and ensure her safety
GA: Just When I Thought This Conversation Couldnt Possibly Get Weirder
GA: I Actually Think This Is Too Strange For You To Have Made Up
GA: Are You Not A Member Of Team Charge Then
CT: D --> What
CT: D --> What are you talking about
GA: The Local Flarp Team Led By Aradia Megido
CT: D --> Flarp
CT: D --> Oh my god
CT: D --> Is that really what she's done
GA: Well
GA: As A Matter Of Fact It Is
GA: They Would Have Had A Skirmish With Team Scourge Today
CT: D --> Oh for fetlock's sake
CT: D --> She was threatening to do this before
CT: D --> She really could be in great danger
GA: I Guess Its Possible By The Nature Of The Game
GA: But I Find It Unlikely
GA: Nepeta Would Have Been In The Company Of Experienced Players
GA: Who Should Be Able To Provide Her With Both Training And Assistance
CT: D --> Who's responsible for this
CT: D --> I demand to know who your conta% are
GA: Either Aradia Or Tavros Will Be Clouding Tomorrow
GA: Meaning You Should Really Ask Them What The Deal Is
CT: D --> How do I reach them
GA: Tavros Is Trollable As adiosToreador [AT]
GA: I Suggest That Y^C

centaursTesticle [CT] blocked grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

CT: D --> You'll tell me where Nepeta is
CT: D --> And if she's safe I might consider not feeding your steaming carcass to the barkbeasts in the woods near her hive
AT: oH MY GOD,
AT: yOU'RE NOT, hER MOIRAIL ARE YOU,
AT: tHE ONE SHE HAD A FIGHT WITH EARLIER,
CT: D --> We did not have a fight
CT: D --> That implies equal participation from both parties
CT: D --> Rather, I set her some reasonable restri%ions for her benefit
CT: D --> And, instead of following them as she should have
CT: D --> She threw a tantrum and left
CT: D --> To play that Flarp game, according to grimAuxiliatrix
CT: D --> With the likes of you detestable riffraff
CT: D --> How she can fun%ion at all in polite society after such e%cursions is beyond me
AT: uH, i DOUBT IT WOULD BE,
AT: pRODUCTIVE, tO ARGUE WITH YOU, aBOUT ANY OF THAT,
AT: iT WOULD PROBABLY, jUST GET ME BEAT UP AGAIN,
CT: D --> We are well past the "beating up" stage
CT: D --> And headed rapidly towards the "beating into a fine paste" stage
CT: D --> After I ascertain your location and identity, you larva
CT: D --> I e%pect you to di%uss her location with me immediately
AT: lOOK, wE'VE GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL,
AT: wE'RE ALL GOING TO RESCUE HER TOMORROW,
CT: D --> Re%ue her
CT: D --> Do you
CT: D --> Do you mean to say
CT: D --> Nepeta has gotten herself captured by a hostile force
AT: sHE'S IN TEAM SCOURGE'S DUNGEON,
AT: tHEY'VE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY'RE GOING, tO EXECUTE HER AT SUNSET,
AT: bUT, lIKE, iT'S A GAME,
AT: sO SHE'LL PROBABLY BE FINE, i THINK,
CT: D --> She'll probably be
CT: D --> No, this is ridiculous
CT: D --> Who e%actly is the leader of this Team %ourge
AT: tHE TERROR OF THE HIGH SEAS, mARQUISE SPINNERET MINDFANG,
CT: D --> Her a%ual name
AT: oH, rIGHT, uH,
AT: vRISKA SERKET,
CT: D --> Then I won't let you waste any more of my time

centaursTesticle [CT] blocked adiosToreador [AT]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

CT: D --> Vriska, I don't know what you think you're doing
AG: Oh, come on, Equius.
AG: You know I've got waaaaaaaay too many irons in the fire right now for you to act like I should just know which one you mean.
AG: It's not like I can, I don't know, read your mind or anything!
AG: May8e you could 8e a little more specific?
CT: D --> I never understood what you got out of this role-playing nonsense
CT: D --> E%cept perhaps to sate an unseemly, if san%ioned, thirst for veritable oceans of the lowest available b100d
CT: D --> Not that you couldn't find more worthy opponents if you could be troubled to 100k for them
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
AG: Hey, it's not myyyyyyyy fault the other players are a 8unch of chumpy chump chumps who can't keep up with me!
CT: D --> Usually I've been content to stay out of your tawdry amusements
CT: D --> But this time you've overe%tended
CT: D --> Lay one claw on her and I'll make you regret it
AG: "Her," huh? Wow, that sure narrows it down!
CT: D --> My moirail, obviously
AG: Wait, who?
CT: D --> Nepeta
AG: Huh?
AG: Ohhhhhhhh!
AG: Are you talking a8out this "Catelyn Cowl" upstart from Team Charge?
AG: God, she was such a pain in the ass! You wouldn't 8elieve how many of our forces she took out.
AG: You're saying she's your moirail?
AG: I didn't even know you were pale for anyone, horse 8oy!
CT: D --> Then you confirm you're holding her
CT: D --> In whatever dank oubliette you keep your victims in
CT: D --> I hope you realize I'd still forbid her to associate with you
CT: D --> Even outside this ridiculous beggar's sport
AG: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
AG: Let's 8oth 8e reasona8le here. Catelyn's got spirit, for sure!
AG: 8ut you can't seriously suggest I let her just... get away with the damage she did to my caravan?
AG: The damage that would do to my reput8ion would surely outweigh it.
CT: D --> From someone who is well-practiced in getting away with things
CT: D --> I find this assessment astonishingly self-serving
AG: Says the troll used to having everyone else serve him.
AG: Like a dude on 8utler Island. Wherever that is.
AG: Face it, no8ody else is going to serve me half as well as I can!
CT: Perhaps Nepeta needs to be taught a lesson for her recklessness
CT: But that's my job, not yours
AG: I don't know, Equius! Is it?
AG: Or is that the sound of another proud high8lood going soft on me?
AG: On this point, I'd say I trust you a8out as far as Tavros can throw you.
CT: D --> Stop this stalling and let her go, Vriska
CT: D --> Or else
AG: Or else what?
AG: Damn, may8e you'll come up with a consequence or something!
CT: D --> Or else
CT: D --> I'll
CT: D --> Well
CT: D --> You can be certain there will be consequences
AG: Oh no, what will Equius do? Sweat on me?
CT: D --> Do you honestly intend to e%ecute her
CT: D --> For getting the better of you in a a wiggler's game
CT: D --> One for which the stakes would ordinarily be incredibly low
AG: You clearly haven't played this game 8efore, have you.
AG: The stakes go as high as you're willing to 8et!
AG: It really isn't for wigglers, 8ut she decided to play it anyway!
AG: She knew damn well what she was doing when she got into this.
AG: And don't worry! We'll give her a fair trial 8eforehand!
CT: D --> A trial
CT: D --> Are you serious
CT: D --> With you presiding
AG: Nope! I get Terezi to take care of the legal shit for me.
AG: That way I know the outcome will 8e 8oth fair and favora8le!
CT: D --> You e%ecrable e%cuse for a 100py 100n

centaursTesticle [CT] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CT: D --> And so it has come to this
GC: D4R3 1 4SK WH4T 3X4CTLY TH1S 1S TH4T 1T H4S COM3 TO?
CT: D --> I have been e%c100ded from the 100p until now
CT: D --> But I understand, from various sources
CT: D --> That you're to put a troll on trial tomorrow
CT: D --> For getting the upper hand in a
CT: D --> Role-playing game
GC: OH
GC: YOU MUST M34N C4T3LYN COWL
CT: D --> I believe so, yes
CT: D --> Or at least, I've heard that name before
GC: 1'D B3 SURPR1S3D 1F YOU H4DN'T 4T TH1S PO1NT
GC: SH3 R34LLY W4S 4N 3NORMOUS P41N 1N TH3 4SS!
CT: D --> G100teus
GC: BUT TH3 M4RQU1S3 3V3NTU4LLY TOOK H3R DOWN N3V3RTH3L3SS
GC: 4ND TOMORROW SH3'LL F4C3 JUST1C3 FOR H3R CR1M3S
CT: D --> But are her a%ions seriously crimes
GC: OH, UNDOUBT3DLY, W1TH1N TH3 G4M3 WORLD
GC: 4ND SO MY CH4R4CT3R, N3OPHYT3 R3DGL4R3, W1LL PROS3CUT3 H3R FOR B4ND1TRY!
CT: D --> Within the game world
CT: D --> Which is not a%ually the same as this world
CT: D --> But is instead a pale imitation
GC: H4H4H4H4, OH, 1F ONLY
GC: YOU'V3 4LW4YS G1V3N US SH1T FOR
CT: D --> E%cretions
GC: YOU'V3 G1V3N US *SH1T* FOR W4ST1NG T1M3 PL4Y1NG W1GGL3R'S G4M3S
GC: BUT FL4RP 1S 4 L1TTL3 3DG13R TH4N TH4T, YOU KNOW
GC: P4RT OF TH3 FUN 1S TH4T YOUR CH4R4CT3R'S ST4TS 4R3 T13D TO YOUR OWN R34L-L1F3 4TTR1BUT3S
GC: 4ND TH4T CUTS BOTH W4YS!
GC: R34L-L1F3 PROW3SS C4N G1V3 YOUR CH4R4CT3R BONUS3S 1N TH3 G4M3
GC: OTH3RW1S3 TH3R3'S NO W4Y SUCH 4 LOW-L3V3L CH4R4CT3R, 3V3N 4 P3T4RD HO1ST3R, COULD H4V3 G1V3N TH3 M4RQU1S3 H3RS3LF 4 RUN FOR H3R DOUBLOONS
GC: BUT P3R1LS TO YOUR CH4R4CT3R C4N 4LSO B3COM3 P3R1LS TO YOUR P3RSON
GC: TH4T'S WHY TH3Y C4LL 1T "3XTR3M3" ROL3-PL4Y1NG!
CT: D --> I see
CT: D --> So, 100k
CT: D --> If, uh, this Catelyn dies in the game
CT: D --> Then, according to the system, she may also die in real life
GC: 1T'S POSS1BL3!
GC: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 HOW TH1S W1LL PL4Y OUT, R34LLY
CT: D --> That's
CT: D --> Flipping funambulistic flapjacks
CT: D --> That's really very entirely suboptimal
GC: OH?
GC: 1 W4SN'T 4W4R3 YOU H4D 4 HORS3 1N TH3 R4C3, 3QU1US
GC: DO YOU KNOW TH1S C4TELYN?
CT: D --> Unless I'm completely wrong
CT: D --> Which of course I never am
CT: D --> Her a%ual name is Nepeta, and she's my moirail
CT: D --> As inconvenient as it is, and however far afoul she may have run of other trolls who outrank and outgun her
CT: D --> It is therefore my duty to protect her in any way possible
GC: W3LL, TH4T'S H1L4R1OUS 4ND 4WFUL
GC: YOUR 4LL3G3DLY LOFTY ST4TUS WON'T 4CTU4LLY H3LP YOU H3R3
GC: S1NC3 TH3 FL4RP JUST1C3 SYST3M SH4DOWS 4LT3RN1A'S, BUT 1S OTH3RW1S3 NOT SUBJ3CT TO 1T!
GC: NO 4MOUNT OF GROV3LL1NG ON YOUR PART W1LL S3CUR3 H3R CL3M3NCY
CT: D --> I refuse to grovel to any troll
CT: D --> Especially those beneath my own station
CT: D --> I command, and if resisted, I conquer
GC: >:[
CT: D --> Though, when necessary, I can also e%hort
CT: D --> Perhaps an e%change of 100t can be e%ecuted, to 100sen and 100bricate the e%culpatory mechani% of justice
GC: H4H4H4H4, 1'D T4K3 OFF3NS3 4T TH3 1MPL1C4T1ON TH4T 1 COULD BE BR1B3D
GC: 1F YOU W3R3N'T SO TR4NSP4R3NTLY TRY1NG TO QU1RK M3 1NTO SUBM1SS1ON
CT: D --> Be that as it may
CT: D --> If you are conducting the trial, you have inf100ence in this situation
GC: OH, *1'M* NOT CONDUCT1NG 4NYTH1NG!
GC: 1T'S *R3DGL4R3* WHO'S CONDUCT1NG C4T3LYN'S TR14L
CT: D --> This distin%ion is obstructive pedantry
CT: D --> Which I must insist that you desist immediately
GC: H4RDLY
GC: 1M4G1N3 1F TH3 TWO JUST1C3 SYST3MS W3R3 CONN3CT3D 1N 4NY W4Y?
GC: 1T WOULD ONLY 3NCOUR4G3 PL4Y3RS TO 4CT OUT TH31R P3RSON4L V3ND3TT4S W1TH1N TH3 G4M3 WORLD
GC: OR, WORS3, TR1GG3R R34L 4LT3RN14N L4WSU1TS FOR UNF4VOR4BL3 OUTCOM3S W1TH1N TH3 G4M3!
GC: NO, 1T WOULD 4LL B3 4 HORR1BL3 M3SS, 4ND R1P3 FOR 4BUS3
CT: D --> Is that why Vriska pretended not to know who I was talking about
CT: D --> When I confronted her about this earlier
GC: Y34H, PROB4BLY
GC: 1T'S 4 M4JOR PO1NT OF SPORTSTROLLSH1P 4MONGST FL4RP3RS
GC: OF COURSE, SH3 M1GHT 4LSO H4V3 JUST B33N FUCK1NG W1TH YOU
CT: D --> Messing with me
GC: YOU FUCK1NG H34RD ME TH3 F1RST T1M3, YOU G14NT PRUD3
CT: D --> What would you have me do then, Terezi
CT: D --> You can't e%pect me to sit here idly by while Nepeta hangs
CT: D --> Or worse
CT: D --> I won't allow it
GC: YOU H4V3 3X4CTLY ON3 R3COURS3
GC: 1F YOU R34LLY W4NT TO DO SOM3TH1NG, YOU'LL H4V3 TO PL4Y YOURS3LF
CT: D --> What
CT: D --> That's preposterous
CT: D --> You dare to suggest that I play a game like
CT: D --> Like this
GC: 4ND JUST WH4T 1S TH1S G4M3 L1K3, 3QU1US?
CT: D --> I
CT: D --> It's like
CT: D --> Fiddlesticks, never mind
CT: D --> How do I play
GC: W3LL, 1 4SSUM3, 1F YOU W4NT TO TRY TO R3SCU3 C4T3LYN
GC: TH4T YOU WON'T WANT TO S1GN UP FOR T34M SCOURG3
GC: YOU'LL MOST L1K3LY W4NT TO JO1N C4T3LYN'S T34M, T34M CH4RG3
CT: D --> Very well
CT: D --> And who is the leader of Team Charge
GC: ON3 OF MY F4VOR1T3 FL4RP FR13NDS, 4R4D1A M3G1DO
GC: SH3 PL4YS 4S TH3 M41D M4R4LYN
GC: 4ND H3R H4NDL3 1S apocalypseArisen [AA]
CT: D --> E%cellent
CT: D --> I'll go straight away and
CT: D --> Wait
CT: D --> Hold on
CT: D --> Is she a
CT: D --> I'm looking in Nepeta's contacts
CT: D --> Where on the hemospectrum does this Aradia sit
GC: SH3 S1TS F1RMLY 4ND CONF1D3NTLY 4T TH3 RUSTMOST 3ND
CT: D --> Oh this is
CT: D --> So completely
CT: D --> And utterly subversive
CT: D --> To e%tort me into affiliating myself
CT: D --> With these common rubes and red trash
CT: D --> The mere intimation of such 100bricious crassness
CT: D --> Is causing me to perspire heavily
GC: LOOK, 1'M GO1NG TO DO YOU 4 F4VOR 4ND PR3T3ND FOR TH3 T1M3 B31NG TH4T 3V3RYTH1NG YOU JUST S41D 4BOUT MY FR13ND W4S FL4TT3R1NG
GC: SO DO YOU W4NT TO S4V3 YOUR MO1R41L OR NOT, HORS3 BUTT?
CT: D --> Do I ever
CT: D --> But I'm going to require
CT: D --> Several fresh towels before I can proceed

centaursTesticle [CT] blocked gallowsCalibrator [GC]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CT: D --> Is this
CT: D --> Aradia Megido
CT: D --> The leader of Team Charge
AA: uh
AA: yes
AA: wh0 is this?
CT: D --> This is Equius, Lord Zahhak
CT: D --> I require entry into the world of Flarp
CT: D --> And I intend to e%propriate your team for a mission of vital importance
AA: uh
AA: 0k?
AA: thats kind 0f a funny way t0 put it
AA: but its c00l y0u can j0in 0ur team if y0u want
AA: theres g0ing t0 be a big raid 0n t0m0rr0w s0 this is g00d timing
CT: D --> You seem to misunderstand
CT: D --> The raid you have currently scheduled is of no importance
CT: D --> Ordinarily the rest of your wiggler's play would lack a similar degree of consequence
CT: D --> Understand, it's only for my moirail's sake that I will deign to lead you all into battle tomorrow
AA: uhhh
AA: l00k, equius, i d0nt kn0w wh0 y0u are 0r what y0ur deal is
AA: but i guarantee y0u, 0ur missi0n is life 0r death
CT: D --> As is mine
CT: D --> Given whose life it is, weighed against yours, I must have an army
AA: 0h f0r sufferers sake
AA: where d0 i even start with this bullshit
AA: weve been up all night and all day making plans t0 rescue 0ur friend
AA: wh0 believes in, and is fighting t0 make, a fairer w0rld f0r every0ne
AA: even if its technically an imaginary fairer w0rld
AA: she was captured in battle yesterday by a crew 0f c0cky entitled highbl00ds with 0verp0wered gear
AA: and theyre h0lding her in s0me spiteful dunge0n unt0uched by the m00n
AA: her character t0 be publicly shamed and put t0 an untimely death
AA: and wh0 kn0ws what the player herself will suffer
AA: and n0w here y0u c0me al0ng
AA: yet an0ther entitled highbl00d
AA: claiming that y0ur l0usy m0irail
AA: wh0 has pr0bably never had t0 lift a finger 0r believe in anything they f0ught f0r in their stupid centuries l0ng life
AA: "must have an army"
AA: well they can just get in fucking line
AA: were g0ing t0 save catelyn c0wl first
AA: and y0u can either grab a b0w and fight with us
AA: 0r y0u can suck my g0ddamned bulge
AA: i d0nt even care anym0re its entirely up t0 y0u

centaursTesticle [CT] is idle!

AA: ...
AA: ...
AA: ...
AA: hey l0rd bluegl0bes
AA: are y0u d0ne deciding yet
AA: im n0t made 0f time here
AA: i have a battle t0 win

centaursTesticle [CT] is no longer idle!

CT: D --> My apologies
CT: D --> For keeping you waiting
CT: D --> I had become drenched in sweat
CT: D --> And quickly ran out of clean towels
AA: uh, gr0ss?
AA: why did y0u need t0 share that inf0rmati0n
CT: D --> This is all
CT: D --> Not so much gross
CT: D --> As abso100tely disgusting
CT: D --> Not to say dramatically ironic
CT: D --> That my moirail has fallen in with a pack of wild lowb100ds
CT: D --> Who are heading to e%tricate her without me
AA: wait
CT: D --> From a fantasy world to which I have no other access
AA: y0ur m0irail is catelyn?!
CT: D --> And the only way for me to come to her assistance
CT: D --> Is to serve
CT: D --> Under a rustb100d captain
CT: D --> How cruel and perverse
CT: D --> Perverted, even
AA: l00k uh
AA: if y0u want t0 save catelyn t00 then cant y0u just j0in 0ur team?
AA: like, give y0ur n0bility c0mplex a rest f0r tw0 sec0nds
CT: D --> No, you don't understand
CT: D --> I see that that's
CT: D --> E%actly what I must do
CT: D --> I have no meaningful alternative
CT: D --> What a decadent opportunity
AA: what
CT: D --> I command you to let me join your team
CT: D --> Until our mutual objective is achieved
CT: D --> I must insist that you permit me to serve you
CT: D --> As Aurthour, a native of Butler Island, serves me
CT: D --> In every way, no matter how l00d or licentious
CT: D --> Especially if it involves a bow
AA: uhhh
AA: h0w exactly are y0u planning 0n using that b0w?
AA: the same way the rest 0f us are?
CT: D --> Oh, to shoot things, of course
AA: ...
AA: g00d?
AA: i think we're 0n the same page?
CT: D --> But I will require the STRONGEST possible bow
CT: D --> So that it doesn't break
AA: well lets see what weve g0t in the back r00m
CT: D --> Archery is the noblest of passions
CT: D --> To shoot a bow at all is one of my deepest desires
CT: D --> But to shoot it as a rank and file soldier in a company of lowb100d archers is
CT: D --> So gloriously
CT: D --> Debauched
AA: dear l0rd equius mcbluepants
AA: thanks s0 much f0r signing up t0 team rescue catelyn
AA: as y0ur leader, my first 0rder is f0r y0u t0 please st0p talking
AA: except t0 ackn0wledge my further c0mmands
CT: D --> Yes, of course
CT: D --> At once, ma'am
AA: and my sec0nd 0ne is t0 get y0urself t0 the battlefield by sunset
AA: ask tavr0s f0r the c00rdinates, hell sh0w y0u
AA: he can get y0u y0ur gear as well
CT: D --> Most e%cellent
CT: D --> Thank you, ma'am
AA: n0 need t0 thank me
AA: just sh0w up and help us win
AA: if y0u really must talk ab0ut h0w g00d it was f0r y0u, talk t0 tavr0s
AA: that will be all for n0w

apocalypseArisen [AA] blocked centaursTesticle [CT]

Chapter Text

The sun took its time setting. Terezi watched its bloodshot, malevolent disk sink beneath the horizon, like the watchful eye of a hungry behemoth. She begrudged it every minute it spent doing so. The things she was called to do next were better done with no celestial witnesses.

At the vanishing point, the sun's baleful glare could just barely be returned by the sensitive eyes of a nocturnal race. In fey moods such as this, Terezi would stare the red sun down, until the space behind her blinks became entirely filled with the afterimage of an equally angry green sun. It might not be great for her vision in the long run, but the ritual was for her the supreme act of defiance -- an assertion of equality between herself, a flawed and limited being, and the godlike gasball that threatened them with blindness and death every passing day.

As the last sliver of sunlight winked out, Terezi sighed and turned towards the FLARP town square, where two of the Scourge guards dragged a hooded prisoner, still struggling against her bonds, inexorably towards the scaffold. The square was still only sparsely peppered with spectators. Many of them probably refused to brave even the remnants of daylight, but beyond that, Terezi wasn't sure how to interpret the lax attendance. Was it a condemnation?

The prisoner reached the scaffold, and Terezi reached out to remove the hood. The fire in the eyes of this nigh-erstwhile Catelyn Cowl was murderous, hardly more hospitable than the sun's. It was complemented by the olive flush in her neck and the spreading bruises on her cheeks -- had the Marquise interrogated her? To what end but vengeance? Everything of any importance was already known to both Marquise and Neophyte.

A shame, really. Terezi was starting to grow weary of the Marquise's relentless pursuit of advantage. While victory had much to commend it, one didn't weave a tapestry using only gold thread, or cerulean, or even teal. The resulting cloth had too bland an appearance and too uniform a texture; it might be sought out by merchants of poor taste, but could never impress a dedicated weaver. This Catelyn was a bright green thread, and was likely a warp thread, which if cut too short would mar and ravel the weaving.

Sometimes such weaving was a delicate business. This very trial was a gamble, Terezi's attempt to split the difference between alienating one or the other of her two longest-standing friends in this world. The first, a proud and demanding ally, was watching the proceedings now from the safety and impunity of cloud mode. The second, a steadfast and determined opponent, would surely be on her way at any minute. Surely. Terezi couldn't see, or even imagine, any future in which she wouldn't be.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AT: gREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS, rEDGLARE,
AT: i'LL BE CLOUDING TONIGHT, bLAH BLAH BLAH,
AT: dO I HAVE TO READ THIS, mAN I REALLY HATE YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW,
GC: GOOD 3V3N1NG, T4VROS!
GC: 1'M SO PL34S3D YOU COULD JOIN US 1N TH1S C4P4C1TY TON1GHT
AT: wELL HONESTLY, tHAT MAKES ONE OF US,
AT: i'M ONLY CLOUDING THIS, bECAUSE ARADIA ASKED ME TO,
GC: SO 1 G4TH3R3D
AT: i DON'T KNOW, wHAT I'LL DO,
AT: iF WE FUCK THIS UP, aND YOU END UP KILLING NEPETA,
AT: i'M PROBABLY GOING TO QUIT FLARP IF THAT HAPPENS,
GC: 4LL YOU H4V3 TO DO 1S NOT FUCK 1T UP, TH3N!
AT: oH, rIGHT, eASY FOR YOU TO SAY,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

Nepeta, was it? A pretty name. So gentle. It might sound like falling rain, on a world where rain wasn't acid. Ne-pe-ta.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] opened public memo on board RAINBOW RUMPUS COURTBLOCK TIME.

GC: C1T1Z3NS OF FL4RP!
GC: 1 ST4ND B3FOR3 YOU TOD4Y TO BR1NG CH4RG3S 1N OUR COMMON JUST1C3 SYST3M 4G41NST TH1S NOTOR1OUS B4ND1T, C4T3LYN COWL
GC: WHO D1D W1LLFULLY, UNL4WFULLY 4ND W1TH SUBST4NT14L SCH4D3NFR3UD3 4FOR3THOUGHT L34D 4 COORD1N4T3D 4SS4ULT UPON T34M SCOURG3'S INT3R-C4MP41GN CONVOY, TH3N P4SS1NG THROUGH N3UTR4L T3RR1TORY
GC: W1TH 1NT3NT TO SUBV3RT TH3 GOV3RN4NC3 OF SCOURG3 T3RR1TORY
GC: HOW DO YOU PL34D?

arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo.

AC: >:33 < what the hell terezi!
AC: >:33 < i thought you were really cool at first!
AC: >:33 < are you going to litfurally kill me over this stupid game?!
GC: (ST4Y 1N CH4R4CT3R, N3P3T4)
GC: (TH3 TR14L WON'T GO W3LL FOR YOU 1F YOU DON'T)
AC: X33 < oh come ON!
AC: X33 < it was one thing for you to keep me in that pawful dungeon all night for the sake of "authenticity"
AC: X33 < but this stopped being fun a LONG time ago!

Scattered murmurs rippled through the gathering audience, which was by this point no longer so sparse. The remnants of the sun's bloody rays filtered through the thick atmosphere, giving a ghoulish cast to every gaunt attendee. The moon still slept, and the stars blinked faintly from behind a thin layer of high cloud.

arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo.

AG: Hey, Lunch!
AG: If you don't feel like doing this in character, that's fine with me!
AG: We can always just skip ahead to the crunchy part!

adiosToreador [AT] responded to memo.

AT: oH GOD, nO, tIME OUT,
AT: i'M FLAGGING THIS, vRISKA, aS TERRIBLE BEHAVIOR,
AG: Tavros, as Team Charge clouder I am completely within my rights to remove Catelyn from the game if she refuses to play by the rules.
AT: fIRST OF ALL, hER NAME IS NEPETA,
AG: Not right now it isn't!
AT: sECONDLY, i DON'T SEE WHY, yOU SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE,
AT: wHO GETS TO SAY, wHERE EXACTLY SHE'S REMOVED TO,
AG: Well, it'll 8e your turn to decide when you're clouding for Team Charge.
AT: bUT, wE ALL KNOW, wE'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN, iF WE LET YOU DO THAT,
AG: Them's the 8r8ks!
AT: tHIRDLY, tEREZI'S CHARGES, aRE COMPLETELY BOGUS,
AT: tECHNICALLY, i LED THAT ASSAULT,
AT: aLSO, wHAT'S THIS, aBOUT NEUTRAL TERRITORY,
AG: Didn't you get the map? I can send you another copy!
AG: Also, you don't get to make these arguments on Catelyn's 8ehalf!
AG: That's her job, in character, and you're running so far afoul of all the clouding rules right now. Allllllll of them!
AC: X33 < well, you SUCK as a clouder, vriska!
AC: X33 < terezi was actually telling a cool adventure story during the battle the other night!
AC: X33 < but YOU just s33m to be mad that i stole your fancy gear, and now you want to get back at me by f33ding me to some lousy spider!!!
AT: tHAT'S A GOOD POINT NEPETA,
AT: vRISKA, cLOUDERS DON'T GET TO BRING PERSONAL VENDETTAS INTO FLARP,
AG: Sounds to me like you're the one making this personal!
AG: I'm just trying to let Tere-- uh, Redglare get her justice on here!
AT: yOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME, wHAT I AM OR AM NOT MAKING PERSONAL,
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! Let the record show he said it first!!!!!!!!
GC: ORD3R 1N THE COURTBLOCK!!! ORD3R, 1 S4Y!!!
GC: CLOUD3RS, YOU 4R3 M4K1NG 4 MOCK3RY OF TH3S3 PROC33D1NGS
GC: C4T3LYN, ST4Y 1N CH4R4CT3R OR YOU'LL B3 FORC1BLY R3MOV3D TO 4 PL4C3 MUCH L3SS HOSP1T4BL3 TH4N TH1S SC4FFOLD
GC: ...
GC: ...
GC: ...
GC: DO 1 G3T TO CONT1NU3 NOW?
GC: 4LL FUCK1NG R1GHT TH3N
GC: C4T3LYN, YOU ST1LL H4V3 NOT 3NT3R3D 4 FORM4L PL34

The murmurs had swelled to a buzz during the opening arguments. The spaces between bodies in the crowd were now beginning to close up.

AC: :33 < do i have to?!
GC: Y3S, YOU H4V3 TO
GC: 4ND YOU H4V3 TO DO 1T 1N CH4R4CT3R
GC: 1 W1LL NOT 4DM1T 4NY OUT-OF-CH4R4CT3R ST4T3M3NTS 4S T3ST1MONY!
AC: :33 < what do you mean by a plea
GC: 1N TH1S C4S3, 31TH3R GU1LTY OR GU1LTY
AC: :33 < but theyre the same thing!
GC: W3LL, 1T'S ON3 OR TH3 OTH3R
AC: :33 < its not actually a real choice though
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N? YOU H4V3 TWO P3RF3CTLY GOOD 4LT3RN4T1V3S!
GC: OF COURS3, 1F YOU C4N'T DEC1D3, 1 COULD JUST FL1P 4 CO1N FOR YOU >:]

An expectant hush fell over the crowd, which could now be properly called a crowd. The prisoner, whatever you wanted to call her, drew herself up straight as she could, and proceeded to deliver an impassioned oration.

AC: >:33 D --> not guilty!
AC: >:33 D --> i dont f33l even the slightest bit guilty for what ive done
AC: >:33 D --> its one thing to fight battles and win by your own powers
AC: >:33 D --> but its just so not fair for the marquise to k33p taxing players after theyve lost
AC: >:33 D --> by whose authority does she do that?
AC: >:33 D --> and how is anyone supposed to have a fighting chance if they lose their stuff for dumb reasons?
AC: >:33 D --> the players who lose k33p losing, and the players who win k33p winning, forever!
AC: >:33 D --> i went out there and fought for everyone who didnt get the chance to fight themselves
AC: >:33 D --> and i hope theyd do the same for me!
AC: >:33 D --> in conclusion
AC: >:33 D --> if you k33p hoarding all the stuff and never give anyone else a chance to play for real
AC: >:33 D --> well
AC: >:33 D --> you should expect to be pounced upon!

With this, Catelyn squared her shoulders and snorted in disgust.

AC: >:33 D --> i rest my case

A great roar went up from the crowd -- cheers from the lowbloods, catcalls from the highbloods, a few rotten vegetables thrown up onto the scaffold. Pockets of unrest began to simmer as it became clear that not everyone agreed with their neighbors about the impending judgment.

GC: TH3 3V1D3NC3 B3FOR3 TH3 COURT 1S 1NCONTROV3RT1BL3
GC: TH3 D3F3ND4NT H4S NOT ONLY CONF3SS3D TO H3R CR1M3S, BUT H4S M4D3 1T CL34R SH3 F33LS NO R3MORS3, 4ND H4S M4D3 4DD1T1ON4L SUBV3RS1V3 ST4T3M3NTS
GC: 1 THUS H4V3 NO CHO1C3 BUT TO F1ND TH3 D3F3ND4NT GU1LTY
GC: 4ND TO S3NT3NC3 H3R TO D34TH BY H4NG1NG

The crowd's cheers turned to jeers and boos. More objects were thrown, missing the Neophyte more narrowly than before. Things were looking Ugly.

The masked executioners on the scaffold shuffled their weight nervously from side to side, their shifty looks canvassing the scene for the path of least resistance: their employer, the Neophyte? their unseen clouder, whom they knew to be the Marquise in her other coat? the beginnings of an angry mob, out for blood of almost any color?

GC: H4NGTROLLS, 1F YOU WOULD
AG: Holy shit! That speech was hilarious!
AT: wHAT THE FUCK, yOU GUYS,
AT: i CAN'T BELIEVE, yOU'RE ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH WITH THIS,
AC: >:33 D --> hey! dont i even get any last words?!
GC: YOU JUST SA1D TH3M, OUTL4W

The hasty, at best approximate calculations in the executioner's narrow minds seemed to suggest that whatever the mob might do to them, the retribution of the Neophyte and the Marquise would be far worse. With mirrored shrugs, they grabbed Catelyn by either shoulder, then placed the noose around her neck and pulled it tight. They put the knot at the side at first, but after a stern glare and a twirling hand gesture from the Neophyte, pulled it around to the back.

The drums began to roll.

The Neophyte slid her slender sword from its sheath, and faced the executioners.

GC: ON MY COUNT OF THR33
GC: 4H3M
GC: ON3
GC: TWO

An arrow corkscrewed wildly through the air from some unseen location, embedding itself into the scaffold at the Neophyte's feet.

GC: ...?!

centaursTesticle [CT] responded to memo.

CT: dd --> This ends now

The entire crowd fell silent once again, each of them suddenly becoming incredibly interested in the contents of their palmhusks.

AC: :33 < equius!
AC: :33 < what happened?
CT: dd --> What
AC: :33 < your bow quirk?
CT: dd --> Oh
CT: dd --> It broke again
CT: dd --> But that's not important
AG: Waiwaiwaiwaiwaiwaiwaiwait.
AG: Hang the FUCK on here.
AG: Where'd YOU come from, 8lueglo8es?
AG: Only players allowed on the field!
CT: dd --> I'm playing Little Equius of Team Charge
CT: dd --> You neglected to read me the opening %ript
AG: YOU C8ME OUT OF N8WHERE J8ST N8W!!!!!!!!
CT: dd --> No I didn't
AG: Yes you did!
CT: dd --> Did not
AG: You totally did! You were nowhere on the roster!
CT: dd --> That's your problem, not mine
AT: lOOK, tHIS IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE,
AT: eQUIUS TOTALLY JOINED OUR TEAM, a WHOLE TWO HOURS AGO,
AG: That's not even far enough in advance to generate flapstractions!
AG: There's NO WAY it's far enough in advance to join a campaign!
GC: 4CTU4LLY, TH3R3'S NOTH1NG SP3C1F1C 1N TH3 RUL3BOOK 4BOUT TH4T
AG: There doesn't NEED to 8e! It's just common fucking sense!
CT: dd --> Flipping
AG: Excuse me?!?!?!?!
CT: dd --> Common flipping sense
AG: Oh my FUCKING GOD!
AG: I seriously forgot how goddamn tedious it was to argue such 8ullshit points of language with you!
CT: dd --> Speaking with the decorum appropriate to your caste is also your problem
CT: dd --> That is to say, it appears to be a problem with you
AG: Okay, this is str8 up garbage here.
AG: As the Team Charge clouder, I officially declare Lord Horse8ritches out of scope for purposes of this scenario!
AT: yOU CAN'T DO THAT,
AT: yOU DON'T GET TO TELL US WHO'S ON OUR TEAM,
AG: The hell I can't!!!!!!!!
AG: Now, Neophyte, don't you have a hanging to get on with?
GC: UH

Whatever the Neophyte was about to say in reply was lost in the sudden whistle and slap of a long whip wrapping itself around the gibbet. A mysterious figure in flowing garb, who had until that moment been secreted away from a high window, swung down onto the scaffold, planting her boot squarely in the face of one of the hangtrolls as she did so.

apocalypseArisen [AA] responded to memo.

AA: s0rry im late
AA: g0t stuck in traffic
AA: luckily i made up the time
GC: YOU GONN4 G1V3 H3R 4NY DR4M4T1C 3NTR4NC3 BONUS3S, VR1SK4?
AG: NO!!!!!!!!

The other hangtroll, in a panic, promptly pulled the lever to the trap door, dumping Catelyn Cowl unceremoniously onto the ground beneath the scaffold. Above her head, the hangman's rope dangled uselessly, having been severed by a clean stroke of Maid Maralyn's thrown knife a scant moment before.

It was in witnessing this perfect moment that the spectators absolutely lost their collective shit.

GC: H3Y GU4RDS
GC: YOU M1GHT W4NT TO G3T H3R >;]

The few guards who had been standing by at the back of the scaffold fell quickly to the arrows of Team Charge archers covering Maralyn's and Catelyn's escape into the boiling crowd.

AG: Nope! Nope nope nope!!!
AG: You aren't escaping that easily, Maralyn!
AA: wanna bet
AG: This isn't really the kind of thing you want to 8et against me on!
AA: all i have t0 d0 is av0id the 0gres y0ure ab0ut t0 call 0ut 0n us
AG: Oh, really? How do you know it's ogres, huh?
AA: its always 0gres vriska
AA: y0u l0ve th0se fucking things

As if on cue, another four of Team Scourge's signature Enemies (Large Edition) appeared at the exit to the plaza. The flow of spectators parted around the giant figures, staying well out of range of their massive clubs.

Tiny, skinny, deadly-to-normal-sized-opponents Maralyn, with her whip in one hand and Catelyn's hand in her other, faced off against the lumbering foes, showing no sign of backing down despite the threat of being pummelled to a pulp.

That is, until one of the ogres went down, its legs entangled in a bowstring, and began to take a pummelling of its own.

CT: @ --> You're free to make your e%odus
CT: @ --> My STRENGTH will let me easily handle these 100sers
AG: H8W 8RE Y8U ST8LL PL8YING?!?!?!?!
CT: @ --> You never e%punged me from the registry
AG: You were never on there in the first place!
CT: @ --> Are we really having this di%ussion again
CT: @ --> My lack of e%plicit status is not prec100ding me from doing e%treme amounts of damage to these enemies
AG: You're at, like, 1/8th damage due to 8eing literally, figur8ively, and in all relevant ways nonexistent!
CT: @ --> That's une%pected, but not disastrous
CT: @ --> Since one of my teammates has the RAPIER OF RICHE100
AG: WH8T?!

Another ogre's legs went out from under it, the tendons in its knee severed. Always the back of the knee with these things! The one place they should've thought to armor. Oh well!

The others were too slow on the uptake. In a few quick strides and a graceful vault, Maid Maralyn was galloping away into the night on her black charger, with Catelyn seated behind her.

AA: and n0w f0r 0ur dramatic exit
AC: :33 D --> RAAAWWWRRR!!! :33 :33 :33

The clouders took a moment to give their assessments.

AG: 88888888UUUGGGHHH!!!!!!!!
AT: aHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, sUCK IT VRISKA,
AT: sUUUUUUUUCK,
AT: iIIIIIIIT!!!

And so.

With the entire square in disarray.

The forces of public order thwarted.

The cobblestones slick with virtual ogre blood

And the occasion an unequivocal loss for Team Scourge.

Terezi stared into the distance at her escaping friends, and smiled.

GC: ...
GC: ...
GC: ...
GC: W3LL PL4Y3D, M4R4LYN 4ND C4T3LYN
GC: B3L13V3 M3, I'LL G3T YOU BOTH N3XT T1M3
GC: BUT JUST B3TW33N US
GC: 1'M PL34S3D TH4T TH3R3 W1LL B3 4 N3XT T1M3 1N WH1CH TO G3T YOU >;]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] closed memo.

Chapter Text

Maid Maralyn's hoofbeast had made good time, passing like a shade through the valley of night after clearing the edge of town. The ogres were now miles in the past. A murder of pernicious skyterrors had still given chase far beyond the toy town's borders, but the winged monstrosities had short attention spans and mediocre senses of smell to spite their keen eyesight. They lost interest shortly after their prey disappeared between the still-smoldering trees left over from the last battle. If Team Scourge wanted to catch them next time, they'd need to splurge on smarter, longer-range minions.

Now, having ridden into the unburnt part of the old-growth forest, Aradia and Nepeta were both very glad to take a few breaths of what passed for fresh air on this planet. Shaded from aerial spying by the broad, greedy leaves of the old-growth forest, and with their way illuminated from below by the local bioluminescence, they were safe for the moment from the worst of the predators. (There were, of course, still the occasional drop-cholerbear or strutcrushing noodlebeast, but those were easy to spot and dispatch. After all, Aradia still had Maralyn's whip, and Nepeta still had her claw gloves.)

ARADIA: well
ARADIA: we might as well relax n0w
ARADIA: if we havent l0st them by this p0int we arent g0ing t0

Only then did it occur to Nepeta that she had been clinging to Aradia's bony ribs for dear life throughout the ride. At the speed they were going, she could afford to ease up a little. She loosened her arms a little, settling into a more comfortable embrace and resting her weary head on Aradia's shoulder.

NEPETA: :33 < whew!
NEPETA: :33 < yeah i think were purretty safe this deep in the furrest
ARADIA: hehe 0h nepeta
NEPETA: :33 < what!
ARADIA: y0u still d0 y0ur cat puns even in pers0n
NEPETA: :33 < duh of course i do silly!
NEPETA: :33 < *ac will never furget the purrst of her pawful jokes no matter what catpuns*
ARADIA: d0nt ever change

The constant eerie drone of the dire jiminys in the trees was broken only by the soft crunch of hoofs as their faithful mount ambled in peace over the forest floor.

ARADIA: s0 hey
ARADIA: s0rry y0u had t0 g0 thr0ugh all that
ARADIA: that was way crazier than i expected f0r y0ur first campaign
ARADIA: th0ught wed be in and 0ut like bandits
ARADIA: and after it t00k s0 l0ng t0 get y0u t0 play with us
ARADIA: i h0nestly w0uldnt blame y0u if y0u never wanted t0 flarp again
NEPETA: :33 < wait what?
NEPETA: :33 < i cant do that now!
ARADIA: cant y0u?
NEPETA: :33 < well i mean i guess i could
NEPETA: :33 < vriska was really mean!
NEPETA: :33 < and i thought i could trust terezi but now im not so sure?
ARADIA: haha yeah th0se are c0mm0n reacti0ns t0 b0th vriska and terezi
NEPETA: :33 < but like...
NEPETA: :33 < did you s33 the crowds reaction to catelyns plea sp33ch?
NEPETA: :33 < there are a lot of people who dont s33m to think a fairer game would be silly or childish!
NEPETA: :33 < i could make a real diffurence!
NEPETA: :33 < in ways i never used to think about before!
NEPETA: :33 < maybe next time the caravan will have actual gil in it?
NEPETA: :33 < maybe therell be even more magic weapons?
NEPETA: :33 < maybe we can spread the wealth and build a bigger team?
NEPETA: :33 < maybe... terezi will cloud again!
ARADIA: hahahaha!
ARADIA: yeah im sure shell d0 it again next time
ARADIA: everyb0dy has m0re fun when terezi is 0ur cl0uder
ARADIA: even vriska
NEPETA: :33 < really?
ARADIA: maybe especially vriska actually
ARADIA: she d0esnt like setting a scene quite as much as making 0ne
NEPETA: :33 < hahahaha!
ARADIA: s0 y0ure still in then
NEPETA: :33 < yeah!
NEPETA: :33 < and im not that worried about the danger?
NEPETA: :33 < the furrest is dangerous too in its own way
NEPETA: :33 < and if i get in trouble again i know youll try to help me!
ARADIA: absolutely

Nepeta could barely suppress the urge to purr in satisfaction. Wait. What was she doing suppressing it again? There was no need.

ARADIA: all right catelyn
ARADIA: what next
ARADIA: whats the plan
NEPETA: :33 < who me?
ARADIA: yes y0u!
NEPETA: :33 < but arent you the leader maid maralyn?
ARADIA: y0u might say we have a flat structure here in team charge
ARADIA: im the highest level and pr0bably the m0st pr0active
ARADIA: s0 im 0ut in fr0nt 0n a l0t 0f these raids
ARADIA: but y0u sh0wed s0me real leadership 0ut there in the field
ARADIA: and y0u l0ve the st0ries as much as the stats
ARADIA: im curi0us ab0ut what y0ure thinking
NEPETA: :33 < oh! well!
NEPETA: :33 < i think we should build our team base here in the furrest!
NEPETA: :33 < its warm and cozy and theres enough room for everyone
ARADIA: haha 0h my g0d
ARADIA: thats the m0st nepeta pr0p0sal ever
NEPETA: :33 < but its not just that
NEPETA: :33 < the furrest is safe and easily defended
NEPETA: :33 < its going to be hard fur them to roust us out
NEPETA: :33 < and they cant just burn the whole thing down
ARADIA: terezi w0uldnt
ARADIA: but vriska might try
ARADIA: f0rtunately there are tw0 0f them
NEPETA: :33 < haha right!
NEPETA: :33 < so we can all live a life of ease in the furrest
NEPETA: :33 < and pounce upon the rich and snooty when it suits us
NEPETA: :33 < and have all kinds of adventures!
ARADIA: that s0unds awes0me
NEPETA: :33 < doesnt it though?
ARADIA: wait
ARADIA: be quiet f0r a sec0nd

Nepeta perked up her ears and listened hard. In the faint distance she could hear a rolling crash of something trampling the undergrowth, and the echoing crash of the occasional tree falling. Whatever was coming, it was both big and strong.

NEPETA: :33 < uh oh
NEPETA: :33 < are they still tailing us, even meow?!
ARADIA: l00ks like they might be
ARADIA: we d0nt really kn0w th0ugh
ARADIA: better get y0ur b0w 0ut just in case

The rushing crash grew steadily in volume. The bioluminescence flickered ominously. Nepeta didn't know what good her virtual FLARP arrows would do if the peril was real. Aradia stared stoically through the trees, her very real whip at the ready.

Louder it grew -- louder, louder, drowning out even their fears, until a lurching shape rounded the corner and

TAVROS: oH THANK FUCK, tHEY DIDN'T GET YOU,
EQUIUS: D --> Thank heavens
TAVROS: yEAH, wHATEVER,

turned out to be just Tavros, riding on Equius's shoulders, LANCE-A-LOT at the ready.

ARADIA: tavr0s what the heck are y0u d0ing
TAVROS: wE DECIDED, iT WAS FASTER LIKE THIS,
TAVROS: aND ALSO, wE COULD JUST STAB ANYONE WHO GOT IN OUR WAY,
EQUIUS: D --> Obviously I am STRONG enough to carry 100 of him
EQUIUS: D --> But it also somehow seemed
EQUIUS: D --> Thematically appropriate
ARADIA: 0k g00d thinking y0u tw0
TAVROS: sO, oKAY, nOW WHAT,
NEPETA: :33 < we were just chatting about that!
EQUIUS: D --> What happens now is
EQUIUS: D --> Nepeta stops being Catelyn Cowl and goes home to her hive
EQUIUS: D --> Where she will be safe from the depredations of psychotic role players who have put a price on her head
EQUIUS: D --> And you two will leave her the fuck alone
EQUIUS: D --> Argh, I mean the hell
EQUIUS: D --> Heck alone
EQUIUS: D --> Pardon my language

An awkward hush descended over the group. Tavros looked at his feet. Aradia stared in disbelief, Equius's words blowing on the rekindling embers of her anger.

TAVROS: uH,
ARADIA: !!!

But it was Nepeta -- or rather Catelyn -- who ultimately answered him.

NEPETA: >:33 D --> thats not exactly what i was thinking
NEPETA: >:33 D --> in fact its the opposite of what i was thinking
EQUIUS: D --> Nepeta, you can't be serious
EQUIUS: D --> 100k how I have debased myself for you
NEPETA: >:33 D --> i actually think itd be good for you, little equius!
NEPETA: >:33 D --> maybe you can get out of that stuffy old castle for a while and have some adventures of your own!
TAVROS: (wHERE'D YOU COME UP WITH, "lITTLE EQUIUS",)
ARADIA: (it was supp0sed t0 be ir0nic)
ARADIA: (but then he g0t really attached t0 it)
ARADIA: (ill tell y0u m0re later... maybe)
EQUIUS: D --> No, Nepeta, this has to stop
EQUIUS: D --> I'm putting my hoof down
EQUIUS: D --> I can't allow you into that much danger again
EQUIUS: D --> And in such unsavory company
NEPETA: >:33 D --> whoever might you be referring to?
NEPETA: >:33 D --> *catelyn asks her moirail, rhetorically*
NEPETA: >:33 D --> are you talking about sancho bonanza and maid maralyn?
NEPETA: >:33 D --> who i might add
NEPETA: >:33 D --> are sworn to purrotect me?
NEPETA: >:33 D --> and came to save me the minute i got captured?!
NEPETA: >:33 D --> and even brought you with them to help, even though you were a huge jerk to them the whole time?!
EQUIUS: D --> Well
NEPETA: >:33 D --> how many trolls of any blood color would do that for me?
NEPETA: >:33 D --> you want me to be safe, equius?
NEPETA: >:33 D --> ill be way safer if you join our party!
EQUIUS: D --> Uh
TAVROS: dUDE, sHE KIND OF HAS A POINT,
TAVROS: iF VRISKA REALLY HAS IT IN FOR HER,
TAVROS: sHE'S NOT GOING TO STOP AT THE FLARP BOUNDARIES,
TAVROS: nEPETA WILL BE SAFER, iF WE CAN ALL KEEP HANGING OUT,
EQUIUS: D --> But
ARADIA: als0
ARADIA: admit it
ARADIA: y0u g0t a kick 0ut 0f beating up th0se 0gres
ARADIA: didnt y0u l0rd h0rsebritches

The trio all looked expectantly at Equius. Even the dire jiminys had stopped their creaking.

EQUIUS: D --> ...
EQUIUS: D --> Fffff
EQUIUS: D --> Fffffffff
EQUIUS: D --> Fffffffffffffff
EQUIUS: D --> Fffffffffffffffffffffffiddlesticks
EQUIUS: D --> Very well
EQUIUS: D --> I'm so far degraded now, there's hardly any point resisting
NEPETA: X33 < YAAAAAY!!!
TAVROS: i HATE TO SAY IT, bUT,
TAVROS: yOU'VE MADE THE RIGHT DECISION SIR,
ARADIA: and my latest 0rder f0r y0u is t0 lead next weeks raid
EQUIUS: D --> You
EQUIUS: D --> Ordering me to
EQUIUS: D --> Lead a raid
ARADIA: why n0t?
EQUIUS: D --> That's
EQUIUS: D --> So
EQUIUS: D --> Hhhhhh
EQUIUS: D --> With almost unbearable pleasure, ma'am

And that's how Catelyn Cowl's Band of Blithe Brigands came to be.