Work Text:
Today was supposed to be a working day for you but your boss insisted that you take a day off.
And before anything else, you decided to give your boyfriend a visit in the studio. You took your things with you and left your apartment and went down and hailed a cab. You told the driver the address and you guys left your street to go to where you are headed.
The car ride was silent as you clutched your purse close to you. The only faint sound of the radio was keeping the silence away. While looking out the car window, you watch people continuing with their lives and just enjoying the company of the people around them. Until you feel the cab coming to a halt by the traffic light, you see a young couple by the side road walking hand in hand while talking. Ypu could really tell they were in love. You can’t help but feel slightly jealous.
How you wish you and Seungcheol were still like that.
Things with him weren’t as smooth as before anymore. The both of you had a lot on your hands; he was working, you were too, and so it leads to being so worked up with your own lives that you forget that you two are in a relationship.
It’s either he gets home and you’re still stuck with work, or he’ll be the one stuck with work and you going home to the emptiness of your home. You can’t even remember the last time you had dinner together. Its like the spark you once had was slowly dimming and dimming and you’re scared that maybe one day the light will go out.
But somehow you think, maybe you guys are just going through a rough patch, and maybe some point in your relationship, things will go back to where they were.
Or so you thought.
The cab stopped in front of the familiar building. You paid the fare and thanked him then you got out. While you were walking towards the entrance, you see Seungkwan with two cups of coffee in his hands. You shoot him a smile and he waves at you.
“Hey!” He smiled brightly. “Didn’t know you’re visiting today?”
He engulfs you in a hug and you held him tightly. “I decided to go in as a surprise but you got me.”
“You don’t have work today?” He asks as he lets go of you.
“No. That’s why I came.” You released him from the hug and the both of you started walking towards inside the building.
You were listening to him talk about things that has happened to them from the past few days, including the antics that Soonyoung did that sent the whole group dying from laughter again. You missed spending time with them, you wished that you could just be with your friends again especially at those times because you were so happy. But your time with Seungcheol wasn’t the only thing that has been sacrificed and you actually hated the fact that you rarely see the other members, too.
“I have to attend practice now. Seungcheol’s with Jihoon now, working on the tracks..” Seungkwan said sadly, pointing at the door to their practice room. “Join us for dinner!”
And of course, you smiled, giving him the answer that he expects. “Alright.”
And Seungkwan waved you goodbye, and disappeared behind the door to their practice room. When he did, you walked down the familiar hallway by yourself that leads to the studio.
When you finally get near it, you noticed that the door was open, and you then catch a glimpse of Jihoon and Seungcheol but their backs were turned against the door. You were about to get inside the studio but you stopped yourself when you hear about what they were talking about.
“It’s just..” Seungcheol’s words were cut off, as if he was having a hard time on saying what he wants to say. “Too complicated now.”
“Its not working out?” Jihoon asks and Seungcheol buries his face on his hands.
“We rarely see each other now. Its been going on for almost a year now, and I’m still not used to it. I sometimes forget that I have a girlfriend.” He says which broke your heart.
“Hey..” Jihoon says softly. “Don’t you think this is unfair for her? I mean, I know she did not want to have less time with you, too.” He replies.
For now you knew you should stop listening. But you just wanted to hear everything instead; you wanted to know everything he was feeling or what Seungcheol was planning.
"The past few days, I had things going on my head and I needed someone to share it with. She's the only one who I can rely on, but I feel like.." He stopped again and took a deep breath before continuing. "Like I am no longer important."
"Hey, don't say that."
"I think its better if we give each other space." He says in a low voice, yet still audible.
"You already have space, what are you even trying to say? You're just pushing her away." Jihoon says.
"I don't know." He replies shortly.
You were so frozen in your place, you couldn't move a muscle. Everything went silent, the only thing you can hear is your heart breaking over this. You thought things were okay with you guys rarely seeing each other yet, you still had to pay the price. But in this case, the price was your relationship with him.
Now you started to think, was it really that bad? Was things really not working anymore?
You snapped back to reality and you saw him in front of you. It was Seungcheol, hair messy, eyes were a bit swollen that you could tell that he was crying.
You wiped away your tears and slowly stepped back, until you turned the other way and started walking, wanting to get out. Your head was spinning, everything was so messy that you couldn't breathe.
"Don't go." He said in the softest voice as he ran after you, hugging you from behind and you could hear him crying.
You fell limp into his grip, you were broken. You couldn't feel anything but the sadness in your heart. You thought that if this day ever come, you'll be able to face it bravely. But you guess it's true that once you're faced with the situation, things aren't really going to run smoothly as you've planned. The both of you sunk to the floor, crying your eyes out without talking. He just buried his face on the crook of your neck while you feel the warm tears stream down to your neck.
Until finally, you had the courage to talk.
"If you don't want me to go, why did you say those words?" You asked, your voice cracking. "Were you messing with me?"
"No." He whispers.
"Then what?"
"I don't know."
You sigh, gently facing him. "Tell me the truth, Seungcheol! I just want to know. I deserve to know."
He was silent until he started to talk.
"Honestly," He started. "I don't know where we're headed anymore. I miss you, I miss us, I miss the way things were but.."
You grinned lightly but out of bitterness. "We're headed nowhere, huh?"
He hugged you so tight, the both of you were still crying as he rocked back and forth.
"Its a dead end for us now, Cheol." You say softly as you feel him shook his head. "Let's end it."
And for another couple minutes, for the last time, you held him in your arms. You took in his presence that was so long since you last felt. It felt right and wrong at the same time. You realized that things weren't just working for the both of you. And right now, letting go is the most plausible decision to make.
"If you ever ask, I want to tell you that I love you, I loved you." You whisper to him. "Everyday of our time together, not once that I never loved you."
"Is it possible that fate leads us back together, you'll consider it?" He asks while your hand was on his.
"I'll never stop choosing you, Seungcheol." You answered, voice breaking. "So if the map lead me back to you, I'll choose you without hesitations."
You released yourselves from the hug, your hand still in his while gently caressing it. He tucked your hair behind your ear, leans in and gave you a last kiss goodbye. Something you'll surely miss. You kissed him back, cupping the both of his cheeks and when you slowly parted, your foreheads were still touching.
"Take care of yourself." He says.
"Eat your vegetables okay?" You say and he laughs lightly. When you parted, you stood up and you were still facing him.
"You've made your space in my heart, my Cheol." You pointed at your chest. "I'll forever have you here, I'll forever love you."
He gave you a smile and he kisses your forehead and you decided to leave.
For good.