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Valtteri groaned as he woke up to the sound of his baby crying. He slowly sat up and looked down at his husband. Kimi was asleep. Nothing new there. A lot of people had joked with Valtteri that he would be on night duty as the older Finn could sleep through anything which was currently proving true. He carefully made his way out of the bed and walked tiredly in the direction of his son’s nursery. He and Kimi had decided during the pregnancy that their baby wouldn’t sleep in the same room as them. It was a hard decision to make but they had to set the boundaries early on. Valtteri finally made it into his son’s room and almost winced at the loud crying. He slowly and gently picked up his son, soothing him as he continued to cry out. Valtteri rocked the baby in his arms as he tried to find out what it was his son was after. Baby Matteo was nearly a month old so both Kimi and Valtteri were getting used to how to recognise their son’s needs. The early wake up calls didn’t help but Valtteri was sure that his son was hungry.
“Come on, baby. Let’s get you some milk.” He murmured.
The baby continued to cry but seemed to lower in volume as his father had now worked out what he needed. Valtteri carried Matteo down the stairs to the kitchen and carefully placed him in the Moses basket which had been left there last night before Matteo had fallen asleep. The baby wailed as he left his father’s arms and Valtteri shushed him gently as he moved around the room, preparing the milk for his son. Eventually, the Finn placed the bottle of milk on the kitchen table and picked Matteo up gently then settled down in the chair. He carefully cradled his son in his arms with his head raised and grabbed the bottle, rubbing the teat along Matteo’s bottom lip. He sighed in relief as Matteo latched on and quietly drank his milk. The baby moved around restlessly when Valtteri pulled the bottle away every so often so he could have a breather but settled down when he was allowed to drink again. When the bottle was finished, Valtteri shifted his son so he could burp him, hindsight meant he remembered to put a towel on his shoulder in case Matteo threw the milk up. Thankfully, the baby didn’t cause a mess. Valtteri smiled as the baby looked up at him and he leaned down to kiss his forehead. They sat together as Valtteri waited for Matteo to fall asleep. The minute that Matteo struggled to keep his eyes open, Valtteri was back on his feet and swiftly headed to his son’s room. Matteo was sleeping when Valtteri slowly placed him back into his crib. The Finn let out a deep sigh when his son moved around, not happy to be apart from his father.
“Shh, just sleep, baby. Papa loves you, Matteo. You’re safe here.” Valtteri whispered, comfortingly.
He ran a hand over his son’s head as he spoke quietly to him, reassuring him that he was alright. Slowly but surely, Matteo fell into a deep sleep and Valtteri carefully lifted his hand away and ran it over his face instead as he quietly left the room and headed back to bed. It was of no surprise that when he settled down on the mattress, Kimi turned around in his sleep and cuddled into his husband. Valtteri let a small smile appear on his face as he sighed and followed his husband and son into the land of nod.
The cycle kept on recurring for Valtteri. Every night like clockwork, he was the one getting up to feed Matteo and it wasn’t just every night, it was every couple of hours in the night. A few weeks went past and Valtteri was exhausted but he refused to tell Kimi. He didn’t want to worry him, he could handle it. Kimi, however, wasn’t stupid. He was beginning to notice his husband’s bloodshot and red eyes. He was aware that his husband did the nightshift with their son and had assumed that if Valtteri needed any help then he would ask for it. It got to the point where Kimi knew he had to say something. Valtteri clearly wasn’t sleeping at night. According to Valtteri, Matteo would often wake up around five in the morning and the Finn would just stay awake, lounging in the living room which is where Kimi would find them in the morning. It wasn’t just that. Valtteri started to take naps during the day and even during meal times, he struggled to stay awake. Kimi, thankfully, wasn’t racing anymore and because Valtteri was taking time off to recover from the birth, he was close at home to see that his husband was struggling. He needed to put an end to it. He knew he had to take action when he offered to take over from Valtteri and make dinner.
“I don’t need your help, Kimi! I can do it myself!” Valtteri snapped.
Kimi didn’t argue and instead sat and cuddled Matteo who had started to sniffle when Valtteri snapped. The Finn couldn’t look at his husband or son but Kimi was sure that he felt guilty over the outburst and was probably running out of patience.
That night Valtteri threw the covers off of him dramatically as his son’s cries filtered into the room. Tears of exhaustion filled his eyes as he quickly blinked them away. As he slowly made his way out of the room, he was oblivious to the eyes that followed him. He found himself pacing around the room with his son in his arms. He knew that Matteo couldn’t be hungry because he had already been up to feed him and this was the second time in the night or early morning rather that Matteo had woken up crying. The Finn was at his wits end. His son’s nappy was clean. He couldn’t think of anything else that was wrong. He turned abruptly when he heard his son’s bedroom door opened and relaxed slightly when Kimi came into the room. The older man said nothing as he held out his arms and cooed at his son when Valtteri placed him into his warm arms. His husband seemed to deflate when Matteo stopped crying but carried on fidgeting in Kimi’s arms.
“I’ve been up every night with him and you’re the one who gets him to sleep!” Valtteri sobbed.
Kimi rocked Matteo in his arms as his son let out a little wail at his father’s cry. He looked at him sympathetically.
“Kulta, you’re exhausted. You need to relax, he’s most relaxed when we are. You’re stressed because you’re tired. It’s giving him that same energy.” Kimi explained.
Valtteri ran a hand over his face as he let tears fall. Kimi walked over, still rocking Matteo in his arms.
“You’re tired, Valtteri. Why didn’t you tell me you were struggling?” Asked Kimi, gently.
Valtteri sniffed as he looked down at his son.
“I thought I could handle it.” He mumbled.
Kimi sighed. He then lifted Matteo so he could place him back into Valtteri arms. The Finn stepped back, anxiously refusing to hold his son as he didn’t want to upset him. His husband rolled his eyes.
“Just relax. He just wants to be held.” He murmured.
Valtteri looked down at his son then looked back up at Kimi. He held out his arms and let out a breath when Matteo was placed into them. The baby let out a little noise at the movement but settled down when Valtteri ran a hand over his back. Kimi smiled and carefully wrapped his arms around Valtteri.
“Let me help you, you’re our superman but even heroes need to learn to ask for help. We can manage together.” Kimi insisted.
Valtteri leaned back into his husband and nodded. Matteo fell asleep in the arms of his papa, safe and warm. Valtteri leaned down and kissed his son’s forehead.
“We’ll be alright, won’t we?” Valtteri asked, quietly.
Kimi tightened his grip.
“We’ll be just fine.”