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It had been about a week since Oswald had killed Isabella. Oswald had kept his promise giving Edward time and space. They had continued on as Mayor and Chief of Staff. Things almost seemed normal, almost.
Oswald and Edward were sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. They hadn’t said much most of the evening. Edward could tell though that Oswald seemed distracted. Oswald sighed as he finished off his second glass of wine.
Edward knew he would regret this because it would probably be more of the same, but he really couldn’t deal with Oswald’s brooding. “Something on your mind?” Edward asked. Oswald turned to look at him the fire reflected in his eyes.
Oswald leaned into Edward and placed his hand over Edward’s heart. “You make it hard to breathe. It's as if I'm suffocating and when you're next to me I can feel your heartbeat through my skin. It makes me sad to think this could all be for nothing. I wish there was a way, a way for you to see inside of me. I've never felt this way about anyone or anything.” Oswald said. Oswald’s heart was beating wildly in his chest.
Edward bowed his head and sighed. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. He was still working on processing Isabella’s death. He was also trying to cope with his new reality of being Oswald’s whatever.
“Tell me what do I have to do to make you happy? What do I have to do to make you understand? What do I have to do to make you want me? And, if I can't make you want me what do I have to do?” Oswald asked. He’s been doing his best to give Edward the time and space that he needed. Patience wasn’t his strong suit though.
Edward would give Oswald a little credit. Other than work they spent most of their time apart at home. He made it a habit to avoid Oswald when he could. They even had their meals separately. Why would he want to spend time with someone who had acted so selfishly?
“I know exactly what you're thinking, but I swear this time I will not let you down. I'm not as selfish as I used to be. That was a part of me that never made me proud. Right now I think I would try anything, anything at all to keep you satisfied.” Oswald said. He only wanted to make Edward happy. He knew that Edward probably didn’t believe that, but it was true. He wanted to lavish Edward with his affection.
Edward found it hard to believe that someone like Oswald could ever change. He could never forgive Oswald for what he’d done to Isabella. In Edward’s opinion, Oswald was delusional if he thought that he could ever love somebody like him.
“God I hope you see what losing you would do to me. All I want is one more chance, tell me...What do I have to do to make you happy? What do I have to do to make you understand? What do I have to do to make you want me?” Oswald pleaded. The very thought of Edward with that pathetic librarian was nearly enough to drive him mad with jealousy.
Edward wished Oswald could understand how he felt about things. He supposed tonight was going to be as good as any to get everything out in the open. He would just let Oswald finish his a little outburst.
“And, if I can't make you want me just tell me, tell me what do I have to do to make you want me? What do I have to do to make you understand? What do I have to do to make you love me? If I can't make you love me just tell me, what do I have to do...to forget about you.” Oswald said. Oswald wasn’t sure what he would do if Edward couldn’t return his love. He wasn’t sure there would be enough alcohol to drown his sorrows.
Edward reached out and placed a hand on Oswald’s cheek. “I know your life is empty and you hate to face this world alone. So you're searching for an angel, someone who can make you whole,” he said. Oswald was always so ready to latch on to anyone who showed him a little bit of kindness.
Oswald leaned in closer to Edward. He was willing to listen to anything the other man had to say. He wanted to be able to make things work between them.
“I can not save you, I can't even save myself. So just save yourself.” Edward told Oswald. He just wished that Oswald could just let him go. Ed ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. A relationship between them just wouldn’t work.
“Edward please.” Oswald pleaded. His poor heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest right now. He knew though that he would gladly let Edward tear it out and trample it into the ground over and over again.
“I know that you've been damaged. Your soul has suffered such abuse, but I am not your savior I am just as fucked as you.” Edward said. Oswald had a bad habit of putting people on pedestals like Jim Gordon and his own self. When that person can’t live up to Oswald’s expectations or didn’t fit his narrative it usually didn’t bode well.
Oswald stood up letting Ed’s hand drop away. He grabbed the wine bottle from the mantle and poured himself another glass. He joined Edward back on the couch bringing the wine bottle with him.
“I can not save you, I can't even save myself. So just save yourself.” Edward told Oswald. He believed that Oswald would be better off if he gave up on his silly notion of love. The kind of love Oswald was looking for didn’t exist.
“I’m sorry Edward, truly I am.” Oswald apologized. He wasn’t sure what else he could do. He had done what he did and he couldn’t undo it. He frowned and finished off his glass wine.
“Please don't take pity on me. Please don't take pity on me. Please don't take pity on me. Please don't take pity on me.” Edward said. He didn’t need or want Oswald’s apology. He didn’t need anything from Oswald. He only wanted Isabella back. How could Oswald not understand that?
“I don’t pity you, Edward. I know there isn’t anything I can do that will make things right in your eyes.” Oswald said. Oswald really did only want to make Edward happy even if he didn’t believe it.
“You can not save me, you can't even save yourself,” Edward spoke. There wasn’t anything that could be done. He wished Oswald was dead instead of Isabella. He was trapped though. He had agreed to stay with Oswald. Things were complicated he wasn’t sure what Oswald would do if he tried to leave.
Oswald was pretty sure that Edward hated him. He wasn’t sure what to do. Why would Ed agree to be with him if he hated him? The only thing he can do is hope that Edward would come to love him.
Edward could see the still hopeful look in Oswald’s eyes. “I can not save you, I can't even save myself. Save yourself, so just save yourself,” he said. Edward had hope, too hope that Oswald would give up. He didn’t find it very likely though. Ed excused himself so he could retire to his room leaving Oswald alone in the sitting room.