Archive of Our Own

Jungkook doesn’t remember a time in his life when he wasn’t in love with Jimin. He feels like he will never love anyone as much as he loves him, and that’s perfectly fine with him. He doesn’t intend to look for anyone else anyways. Jimin chose his heart to reside in and it will always be his, until the end of time.

He was 14 when he decided to confess his feelings to the older. He did it in their subdivision’s playground as he was waiting to catch Jimin from the bottom of the slide. It was already dark, his hyung’s face barely illuminated by the light post nearby. He simply said he liked him as the other boy slid down from it and into his arms. 

Jimin didn’t say anything, but Jungkook knows how he feels just by the way he stared at him. They walked home that day with their pinkies intertwined, telling each other about their days. If Jungkook stole a light kiss on Jimin’s cheek before entering his house, no one has to know. It will be one of the numerous secrets that he and the older will have to share.

Jungkook just turned 15 when Jimin finally kissed him on the lips. It was after his birthday dinner, they were in his room, watching some anime. Jimin’s been busy with schoolworks, he’s about to graduate from high school soon, but he still freed the whole weekend just to spend time with Jungkook. The younger was content with the warmth Jimin’s body exudes beside him, by the mere fact that he’s there with him.

Suddenly, Jimin held his cheek and moved it so that Jungkook was looking at him.

“Can I kiss you?” Jungkook blinked once. Twice. He gulped and nodded because he doesn’t trust his own voice to not crack if he talks out loud.

Jimin gave him a peck, nothing too extreme, just a close-mouthed kiss. But he still thinks it’s the best thing that ever happened to him. He used to always fantasize about his first kiss, not the kiss itself but the person he dreams of doing it. It has always been Jimin. Everything Jimin does makes his heart feel like it’s about to jump out of his ribcage, and their first kiss is nothing short of magical. So he went in more, for a lot more kisses until everything else was forgotten and he only got Jimin in his mind.

Jimin got into one of the universities in Busan with no problem, the boy balanced his time with academics, dance, and his boyfriend. Two more years and Jungkook’s going to join Jimin in the same university to major in either photography or film-making. The younger can’t wait to graduate and spend more time with Jimin. He’s been studying hard and joining different clubs so that his college application form will look good. He can’t wait until he and Jimin can finally walk around their college campus holding hands, walking the other to their classes like they used to.

Today, Jungkook is alone in their house, his parents on a trip to Jeju and his brother in Seoul, studying for college. Jimin rang the doorbell once and the younger sprinted to the door, quickly letting his boyfriend in. His hyung blushed as Jungkook peppered his face with kisses, showing how much he missed the older.

“Jungkook, stop. Close the door before anyone sees us here.” Jimin giggles. Jungkook hugged the older and kicked the door shut then walked towards the living room with his boyfriend still trapped within his arms. He finally let go after making Jimin sit on one of their couches and walked to their kitchen to serve him some cookies and juice. As soon as he put both things on the table, he quickly sat on the couch and lifted Jimin up to make him sit on his lap.

“Aigoo, did my little baby miss me this much? I saw you yesterday didn’t I? What a clingy baby,” Jimin coos as he squished Jungkook’s face and gave him a peck on the lips. The younger loved the attention and tried to steal another kiss but Jimin quickly dodged and put his attention to the cookies on the table. 

“Yah hyung! Not fair! I deserve more kisses for getting an A on my math test yesterday,” Jungkook buried his face on Jimin’s neck, sniffing the older. It seems that he showered before leaving the house because he can still smell Jimin’s favorite body wash. He wants to eat him up.

“Oh you did amazing baby, which is why I will reward you later.” Jimin’s voice was laced with something malicious and Jungkook almost chokes on air. He quickly pinched his boyfriend’s waist and got some giggles in return. He felt his cheeks heat up, arousal slowly taking over his body. Fuck it, why does he have to be a hormonal teenager? Jimin was probably just saying that he will make out with him later but his mind is going haywire because of the endless possibilities.

Jimin finished munching on cookies and turned around, now he adjusted himself to face the younger while sitting on his lap. Jungkook got surprised with the quick turn of events that he blushed even harder. Jimin looped his arms around his nape and stared at him with mirth in his eyes. He’s so fucking beautiful. Jungkook thinks.

“So, what does my little bun want as a reward? Hmm? What do you want hyung to do? Come on, spit it out baby.” Jimin sweetly asked his boyfriend with a smirk on his lips, making Jungkook’s arousal heighten. The younger gripped Jimin’s waist even tighter and went in for a kiss, much rougher than the one they shared earlier. Jimin quickly kissed back, eliciting even more reaction from Jungkook. They kissed, and kissed, and kissed until Jimin ended up lying on the couch with Jungkook on top, their shirts long gone.

He always loved kissing Jimin. The older is always passionate with his kisses, never holding back. His kisses makes him feel loved and worshipped, like he’s the most beautiful thing in the world. He’s just so in love with Jimin and everything he does. He was kissing his neck when Jimin’s hands went from Jungkook’s waist to his hips, slowly tugging on his shorts. Jungkook froze. 

“Babe? Oh my god I’m so sorry, I was just carried away. We won’t do anything past kissing if you don’t want to.”

WHAT DOES HE MEAN? I WANTED THIS EVER SINCE I KNEW HOW DICK’S WORKED. Jungkook screamed inside his head. Thankfully he didn’t say it out loud because that would be really weird but he lifted his head up to look at Jimin.

“I’m sorry I was just surprised. But i want it, I just don’t think this is the best place to do it you know? I really don’t want to, uh, stain anything that the rest of my family uses.” Realization dawns on Jimin’s face and he laughed a little. Anxiety gone within seconds.

“Okay baby, why don’t we clean up here and go to your room huh?” Jimin caressed Jungkook’s cheek. What the fuck his lips looks so red and plump. I did that. Jungkook boasted inside his head.

“Y-yeah I’ll just put these in the sink, you can go ahead.” Jungkook replied, picking up the empty plate and glass, not bothering to wear his shirt again. Jimin just smiled at him and picked up both of their shirts, going to the direction of the stairs.

“Come quickly baby, I don’t want my boner to die.” Jungkook almost walked straight into a wall.

It was past midnight, Jimin was lying beside Jungkook, using his arm as a pillow. They both feel so happy for spending the night together. A little tired but not sleepy at all. Jungkook can’t stop kissing Jimin’s hair, if he could he would just freeze this moment and keep it in a picture frame.

“Kookie?”

“Yes baby?”

“What do you think of Seoul?”

“Seoul?”

“Yes bun, can you imagine yourself in Seoul?”

“Well, I’ve only been to Seoul twice. It feels like everyone’s so busy there, always having places to go to and people to meet everyday. But it’s beautiful, the buildings are beautiful. I can’t imagine myself living there though.”

“Why?”

“I just feel more content here. With you and with everyone else.”

He was met with silence.

“How about you baby, can you imagine yourself living there?”

“I can. In fact I want to live there someday.”

Oh.

“Wow, this is new.”

“Not really, I just never told you because I know how much you love your life here. But sometimes baby, I just feel like I can be more if I step out of Busan. If I seized more opportunities outside of my comfort zone. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love it here. My family is here, my friends are here, you’re here. But I’m not sure if I was meant to be here.”

Oh.

“Baby are you trying to break up with me?”

Jimin hit his chest while laughing.

“I would never. I just wanted to let you know. I always tell you what’s on my mind, and this is one of those thoughts that have been constantly bugging me. I just needed to let it out, but I’m here to stay baby. With you.”

Jungkook lets the topic go, but somehow he doesn’t believe Jimin.

Nothing but loud cheers and applause can be heard inside the theater. Jungkook’s heart soars with pride as Jimin takes a bow onstage, face red with exhaustion and endless praise from the audience. Jungkook held the bouquet of flowers tighter, slowly making his way to the side of the stage. Jimin was now taking a bow with the rest of his dance team, the other dancers entered the stage after his boyfriend’s ending solo.

They were doing a group hug by the time Jungkook got near the stage, he put out his phone and filmed Jimin as he hugs and shakes the hands of his teammates. He was looking for someone in the audience, Jungkook waved his other hand holding the flowers and Jimin made eye contact with him. He quickly bid goodbye to the other dancers and went to Jungkook, the way his expression lit up as he got nearer was filmed on camera which made the younger even happier.

“Baby, I’m so proud of you! You were ethereal onstage, Jihyunie and I filmed the whole thing!” He exclaimed as he handed the flowers to the older. Jungkook stopped the video and opened his arms for a hug, which Jimin gladly took. He kissed the side of his face and whispered endless praises to the tiny dancer.

“I couldn’t see you in the audience, the lights were too blinding but it’s better that way since you would’ve made me really nervous. Thank you for this baby, it’s so pretty.” Jimin said, talking about the flowers. He gave Jungkook a peck on the cheek and smiled so hard. Ah he’s really the most beautiful man on earth. Jungkook thinks.

Jimin was talking to Jungkook about how he accidentally ripped one of his stage outfits while dancing when a guy in a white shirt and slacks approached them. Jungkook quickly tapped Jimin’s lower back to get his attention.

“Excuse me, you’re Park Jimin, right?” The guy inquired, he doesn’t look much older than Jimin.

“Um, yes. How may I help you? Sir-”

“Jung Hoseok, but you can just call me Hoseok.”

“Oh, Hoseok-ssi, how can I help you?”

“Well, I’m currently a student in Seoul National University, majoring in dance. Your university invited some of our dance team members to this recital and our university agreed, as a way to mingle with other dancers. I would like to congratulate you for a successful show.”

“Thank you so much, welcome to our campus. I hope you enjoyed our performances.” Jimin smiled at the stranger.

“Yeah, I really did. As a matter of fact, I liked your performance the best.” Hoseok returned the smile as Jimin blushed from the praise. Jungkook smiled a little, he’s so proud of his boyfriend.

“Oh thank you Hoseok-ssi, I really appreciate your compliment.”

“You’re welcome, you deserve it so much. Anyways to be honest, that wasn’t the main reason why I approached you.”

Jungkook looked up at Jimin, a little puzzled. Jungkook gave him the same look back.

“Uh, what do you mean?”

“Well, we were also here to assess the skills of your dance team members, to look for possible students to recruit for our team.” Jungkook held Jimin’s hand and squeezed it. “And I’m here to bring you the good news that you can possibly get a scholarship in SNU if you come to our auditions and show our superiors what we just witnessed onstage today! We were really impressed with your performance Jimin-ssi, and we would love to have you in our team if you would permit us.”

“I-I’ll be studying in Seoul? If I get a scholarship?”

“Of course,” Hoseok laughs “That is if you chose to switch universities.”

Jungkook held Jimin’s hand even tighter.

“That’s-- that’s really amazing Hoseok-ssi! But I can’t really give you an answer right now, I still need to let my family know about this.”

“Of course, that’s understandable. Which is why I’m giving you my number, I hope you get in touch soon. We will be holding our auditions two months from now and it would really be amazing if I can see you there.” Hoseok typed his number on Jimin’s phone while Jimin looked at him in awe.

“Thank you so much for this opportunity Hoseok-ssi.”

“Don’t mention it, I can’t let the opportunity pass of having a phenomenal dancer like you to train alongside our team. I really hope that you get in touch soon. Anyways I need to get going now, thank you so much for your time!” Hoseok bid goodbye to the couple and rejoined four other people by the front seats. Jimin still cannot process what just happened and Jungkook feels the same.

“Kookie, can you please pinch me?” Jungkook is an obedient boy so he actually pinched Jimin whose face scrunched up with pain.

“OH MY GOD IT IS REAL! AN SNU STUDENT REALLY APPROACHED ME TO AUDITION FOR THEIR DANCE TEAM! OH MY GOD KOOKIE!” Jimin was jumping around, he looked so happy. Something tells Jungkook that he should be jumping with Jimin too but he can’t do anything but smile fondly at him, his heart a little bit heavy but it’s happy all the same.

“Yes baby, you did that! You left a lot of people in awe and now you have a great opportunity. I’m so proud of you!” Jungkook hugged Jimin and picked him up, Jimin hugged him tighter, repeatedly saying I love you to his ear. He’s really happy for Jimin, the boy works so hard and he deserves everything.

“I need to tell my parents about this Kookie! They will be thrilled!”

Jimin pulled Jungkook’s hand, guiding him through the crowd and out of the theater where his brother was waiting. Jimin’s parents had an important business to attend to but they’ll be back in time for dinner, he will tell his family about the good news on the dinner table, with Jungkook by his side.

Jungkook is not a selfish person. He knows he is not. His parents raised him to be mindful of other people and their needs, to not be greedy and to not make decisions without consideration for others. But sometimes he just wants to be selfish. This is one of those times.

Dinner went well with the Park’s and Jimin told him to stay the night since he doesn’t have classes the next day anyway. They just finished making love, already used to pleasuring each other quietly. Jungkook just finished cleaning Jimin up, the boy close to falling asleep.

Jimin’s parents were thrilled about the news just like how Jimin predicted. They said that they will support Jimin whatever his decision might be. They even went as far as saying that their son just needs to say the word and they will already contact some of their friends there to look for a good apartment nearby the campus. Jungkook felt like crying.

“What’ll happen once you move to Seoul hyung? What about Jungkookie?” Jihyun asked the older what Jungkook was too afraid to ask. He gripped his chopsticks tightly. Jimin quickly stopped chewing and looked at Jungkook.

“What do you mean? Jungkookie will be here, finishing high school. And once he graduates, he will apply for college, wherever he wants to study. Right Kookie?” Jimin smiled softly, putting his hand on Jungkook’s thighs. Jungkook just nodded in return and tried to avoid Jihyun’s pointed look at him. The dinner continued on without any unnecessary attention on Jungkook.

He caressed Jimin’s face, the older smiling with his eyes closed. He kissed him on the cheek and got up, but Jimin reached for his arm, pulling him back.

“Where do you think you’re going babe? Come cuddle you boyfriend, I feel sore.” He pouted. 

“I’ll be quick love, I just need to drink water downstairs. Do you need anything?”

“No, just you.” Jungkook coos. Jimin is always needy after sex and he loves it, he’s gonna miss this.

“And you have me. I’ll be quick, baby.” He replied and got off the bed, leaving the room to get some water. He’s thankful that he wore some shirt and boxers because there in the kitchen was Jihyun.

“Hey hyunie, why are you still up?” He asks as he opens the refrigerator to get some water.

“I’m binge watching this one show but I ran out of junk food so I had to go down here. I’m not going to ask why you’re still up, I don’t wanna know.” Jungkook laughs.

“Yeah you really don’t.”

“Jungkook.”

“Hmm?”

“Do you want hyung to leave?” Jungkook looks up and finds Jihyun looking at him intently.

“It’s a great opportunity, I wouldn’t want him to waste it.”

“Yeah but that’s not the answer to my question.”

“As long as he’s happy.”

“Still doesn’t answer my question.”

“You know I never want to be far away from your brother. We’ve always been together since we were young. You know how he’s always been a part of my daily life Heck, you found out about my feelings for him even before I did. I’m pretty sure you know how I feel about this Hyun.”

“And when do you plan to tell him about it? Seoul is pretty far Jungkook, and you still got another year left before graduation.”

“It’s not on the other side of the world, we’ll manage. I’ll miss him all the time but I don’t want to get in the way of his dreams, Jihyun. I love him so much but I don’t want to be selfish.” Jihyun nods.

“Will you follow him after you graduate?” There it is. That question.

“I don’t know Jihyun, I really don’t.” He looked down and fiddled with his hands. Jihyun approached him and patted his back.

“Jungkookie, you’re my best friend too. I care about you and hyungie so please talk to him soon okay? This is a big change for the both of you and I don’t want you to hurt each other.”

“I know. Thank you Hyunie, I’ll go ahead. Good night.” He quickly left the kitchen and went back upstairs. Jimin was already sound asleep when he came back, but that didn’t stop him from snaking his arms around the older and holding him close. He tried to calm himself down but he found himself tearing up. It’s going to be okay, he still has Jimin, it’ll be okay.

“I DID IT! KOOKIE I GOT IN!” Jimin screamed over the phone. Jungkook was studying for his finals so they couldn’t hang out yet. He also wasn’t able to accompany his boyfriend to his auditions earlier that week but he promised to make it up to him after his finals. And now the results are out, Jimin received an email from SNU confirming his scholarship grant for the rest of his college years.

“My baby, I knew you would get it! You’re amazing Jimin, I can’t wait to take you out after finals week.” Jungkook tried his best to put excitement to his voice.

“Thank you, Kookie! Anyways I’m gonna text you later, Sungwoon and the others are going to treat me out this afternoon. I love you, good luck with reviewing, baby.”

“I love you too baby, enjoy the rest of your day.” The call ended and Jungkook hid his face behind his hands. Jimin is leaving him soon and he can’t do anything about it. He cried himself to sleep that night after texting Jimin how happy and proud of him he is.

“Kookie baby, are you listening to me?” Jungkook was broken from his trance.

“I’m sorry I zoned out. What were you saying again Minie?”

“I was asking if I should stay in an apartment near campus or live in the dorms. Which do you think is a better choice?” Jimin looks up at him while munching on his burger. Jungkook made good on his promise of taking the older out, and now they’re in their favorite burger joint. Jimin’s been talking his ear off the whole day but he doesn’t mind, he loves listening to the older talk.

“Well I think it’s more convenient to stay in the dorms but if you don’t want a roommate then you should just get an apartment.”

“Hmm, yeah… I think I should get an apartment instead, so we can have it all to ourselves when you visit me.” Jimin wiggles his eyebrows. This guy.

“Who said I’m going to visit you?” Jimin’s face falls.

“What do you mean? I hate you! Won’t you miss me? You have to give me a surprise visit at least once Kookie!” He whines.

“Aigoo you baby! Of course I will visit you, but you should visit Busan too! I need to have my favorite person back in my favorite place.”

“You’re only saying that this is your favorite place because you’ve never been anywhere else Kookie, once you visit other places especially Seoul, you might just want to move there too for college.” Jimin states meaningfully.

“You know how much I value my comfort Jiminie, I don’t think I can keep up with the fast pace of life there.”

“Life here is pretty fast-paced too, baby.”

“I’m staying here, Jimin.” He said with finality. He sees Jimin's face falling again, it makes his heart hurt.

“Kookie, we promised to go to the same university didn’t we?”

“Yes, that was when you were enrolled in a university HERE in Busan.”

“I don’t get why you don’t want to try it with me in Seoul.”

“I don’t get why you keep on insisting that it’s better there when I have always been content here Jiminie, we were doing okay here.”

“I don’t wanna do ‘okay’ Kook, I wanna do amazing. I want to be the best I can be and I can’t do that if I feel caged here.”

“Caged by what? By who? By me? No one’s stopping you Jimin, never did I make you feel bad for your decision to move to Seoul. I have always been supportive even though it’s difficult to see you go.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, baby. I just feel like I’ll do better out there. I’m just sad that you can’t follow me there after a year. That’s all I’m asking for, Jungkook.”

“Well, you’re asking for too much, Jimin. I can’t move out of Busan just because you’re not here anymore.”

“I know, I’m sorry for making it sound like your life should revolve around me. I’ll just miss you, that’s all. But we can make it right? You and I?” Jimin reached for his hand and caressed it softly.

“We can, I hope we can.” He held the older’s hand, squeezing it to reassure him. They didn’t talk about Seoul again for the rest of their day together.

Today is the day. 

Jungkook is about to send Jimin off to Seoul, he will accompany him to the train station. All of Jimin’s things will be delivered by a moving truck to his apartment later that day. They slept together last night, just cuddled up to each other. Jungkook didn’t want to let go even in the morning so they showered together. If he cried a little while in the shower, no one has to know.

Now they’re waiting for Jimin’s train, thirty more minutes before it arrives. The Park’s are gonna visit him the next day so they decided to let Jungkook send off Jimin alone. Jungkook wasn’t the only one who can’t seem to let go because the older is currently clinging to him, all up in his personal space.

“Kookie, you’ve been quiet since this morning. Are you hungry?” Jimin asked softly. Jungkook was playing with his fingers, he’s gonna miss holding his hand.

“Not really, I just don’t have a lot of things to say.”

“The train’s arriving in fifteen minutes, baby.”

“Please stop counting down, it makes me feel like you’re so eager to leave me.”

“We talked about this Kookie, I will keep in touch so often that you won’t even feel my absence.”

“We both know that’s a lie.”

“Shhh, just go with it, we need to fool ourselves that we won’t die without each other.”

That made Jungkook laugh. He just wants to keep the older in his pocket and never let him out. He’s going to miss him so much. Fifteen minutes passed by quickly, soon enough they heard the train approaching. Jimin looked up at him, eyes watery with unshed tears.

“Jungkookie, we’ll keep in touch yeah? Just contact me whenever baby I’ll do my best to answer  you every time. I love you, okay? Always remember that.”

Jungkook knows this is not the last time that they will see each other but it feels like a final goodbye. He didn’t say anything and kissed Jimin, then held him as tightly as he could. He doesn’t care if they look stupid right now with how they don’t want to let go of each other. Finally, the train stopped and Jungkook handed Jimin his bag.

“Please say something, Kookie. Your boyfriend’s about to leave.” Jimin pouted.

“Stay safe baby, I love you. Text me when you get there okay?” Jungkook said as he wipes the older’s tears, he’s such a crybaby. He kissed and hugged him one more time before he let go of Jimin, for the time being. He stayed in the station for longer than necessary, staring at the space on the bench where Jimin used to be.

On that day, Jimin broke a promise to him. The promise of staying by his side. If Jungkook knew that this was only the first of the many promises Jimin will break, he should have cried less than he did.

My Kookie <3

2:32 AM

Jiminie, I know you’re probably asleep by now but I really miss you. I know I haven’t been speaking a lot when we’re together and I deeply regret doing that because now I can’t even talk to you personally whenever I want to. 

Let me be honest, I didn’t want to see you leave. We both know I feel this way but I never told you directly. It’s just hard for me to let go of someone constant in my life, even though you won’t be gone permanently. 

I was looking forward to us being in the same campus again, doing things college couples do, but now we can’t do that anymore. But then again, I love you too much to be completely sad about it. There might be things that we won’t be able to do anymore but I’m really happy to see you grow and spread your wings even wider. 

I’m just really sad right now, but this will pass. I love you Jimin. Not a lot of things are constant in this world but my feelings, they’re here to stay. Please take care of yourself okay? Don’t feel too pressured about responding to me all the time, we still have separate lives and I understand that. Stay healthy and don’t burn yourself out. I hope that you enjoy your first day in SNU. Fighting baby!

Jimin was absolutely fucked.

He was supposed to come home to Busan this weekend for Jungkook’s birthday and their anniversary but he has to get his dance routine perfect for his performance next week. He didn’t expect that both important events would coincide with his hell week but there he is, going crazy.

“Jimin, I think you should tell Jungkook ahead of time that you can’t make it.” Hoseok suggested from beside him as they’re taking a break from dance practice.

“He would be crushed, I haven’t visited Busan for more than weeks now, I can’t miss both his birthday and our anniversary celebration.”

“Wouldn’t it hurt him more if you let him expect for your arrival just for you to cancel a day before? I’m sure he would understand.”

“I can make it work, I’ll just stay late for practice for the rest of the week so I can free my weekend for him.”

“Jimin, this is a midterms performance, a huge chunk of your grades. You should have your full attention on your rehearsals. Remember what I told you? Talent is nothing without hard work and focus. And you’re losing focus right now.”

“But, Jungkook…”

“If he really loves you, he will understand.”

And Jungkook did. He always understands. Even if Jimin wasn’t able to come home for the next few weeks. Even if Jimin rarely facetimes him anymore. Even if Jimin didn’t let Jungkook visit him when HIS birthday came because “I’m too busy baby I won’t be able to entertain you and show you around Seoul, I’ll just celebrate with you after everything’s done okay?”. Jungkook understands Jimin because he knew what he signed up for, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t break his heart every time.

Months passed and soon enough, Jungkook’s graduation was just around the corner. Jimin is surviving his first year in SNU so far and they’re both doing okay. Separately. As a couple? Not so much.

See, this is what Jungkook feared when Jimin told him that he’s going to move out of Busan. Whenever Jimin sets his eye on something, he tends to forget everything else. Jungkook used to be not just “everything else” but now he feels like he has no place in Jimin’s life anymore. He’s been pushed down the list of Jimin’s priorities and it really hurt seeing that happen because he used to be one of the top. 

It’s a few days before his graduation and Jimin is coming home to Busan. They plan to have a nice dinner with his family and a day at the beach with just the two of them. Jungkook already got accepted into Jimin's old university so he’s all set for college. He knows he will be busier than before and he would have less time for his hobbies and other interests.

“Jungkook?” His mother was standing outside his room, peeking in. 

“Yes, mom?”

“Will Jimin be here for your graduation?”

“Yes, why did you ask?”

“Oh,” his mother breathed what seems to be a sigh of relief, “I’m sorry, I just thought that the two of you already broke up.” 

Jungkook frowned.

“Why did you think that?”

“It’s just you rarely talk about him anymore, so I figured that maybe there was something wrong. I just didn’t want to pry but I’m glad that you’re still staying strong despite the distance.”

“Oh. The only reason why I rarely talk about him is because I don’t have any stories to tell anymore. To be honest, I don’t know what’s going on in his life now, mom. What if we already broke up and I just didn’t know it?” He fiddled with his fingers. His mom entered the room and sat beside him on his bed.

“Son, I’m sure Jimin isn’t doing it on purpose--”

“I know that, mom.”

“No, listen to me. I know that you’re thinking he’s been distant because he doesn’t want you anymore but that’s not the case, okay? College is tough and it can make you feel a lot of things. Jimin is majoring in dance which puts so much pressure in him because it eats a lot of his time and energy, his mentors are probably harsh with their comments and it takes a toll on him too. The both of you are growing up and figuring out what you want to do in your lives and that’s normal. He might be distancing himself from you because he doesn’t wanna burden you with his problems or he just doesn’t have the energy to juggle everything. I don’t know for certain what’s going on with him but I know he is a nice boy and he will tell you directly if he’s breaking up with you. Please let him figure this out, Kookie. Just understand him some more.”

“But what about me, mom? How do I know when to stop understanding and start asking why? I’ve always been supportive of him, but I need reassurance too. We’re a couple, he’s supposed to open up to me about things that bother him. He used to do that all the time.”

“That is something that the two of you have to talk about. I’m not invalidating your feelings, Kookie, I hope it didn’t come off that way. I just wanted to put things into perspective, okay? Talk to him about how you feel.” His mom caressed his back and walked out of his room, leaving Jungkook alone with his thoughts.

His graduation ceremony went well, with both his and Jimin’s family in attendance. They made him and Jihyun take tons of photos, some of it featuring Jimin. Jimin looks amazing as always, he’s glowing and Jungkook couldn’t take his eyes away from him. They might have been separated for most of this year but he can’t help but gravitate towards the older, just like old times.

“Jungkookie, are you ready for our beach trip tomorrow?” Jimin beams at him, slowly taking his hand in his.

“Of course, hyung. You?”

“It’s what I’ve been looking forward to for the past month! I can’t wait to show off my hard-earned muscles.” The older playfully winked at him before giggling. Jungkook smiled at him, he’s just so fond of his boyfriend.

“Yah you lovebirds, can you move faster? I want to eat already!” Jihyun nagged which earned him a slap on the back of his neck from Jimin.

“Stop ruining our moment, we haven’t seen each other in weeks, let me have some quality time with my boyfriend.” Jungkook’s heart soars with happiness because Jimin addressed him as his boyfriend, bare minimum, yes, but it reassured him a lot. They’re still okay.

“Jungkookie you look like an idiot you know? Stop smiling at hyung that way, it makes me wanna barf.” Jihyun ran off before Jimin had the chance to hit him again. Jungkook just laughed at the brothers. He just tightened his hold on Jimin and caught up with the rest of their family.

Jimin is currently driving them to one of their  beaches growing up, as they get nearer, the smell of the sea gets more intense. He was holding Jimin’s other hand as he drove and they’re both in a great mood. They have the whole day to themselves, they even decided to stay until it gets dark so they can stargaze. Hopefully, Jungkook gets the courage to talk to Jimin about their relationship as the day goes by.

When they arrived, they found a good spot to put their big umbrella and food right away. Jimin’s mom prepared a lot of food for them so all they need to do is enjoy their day together. Once everything is settled, they got rid of their shirts and put sunblock on each other’s backs.

“Wah hyung! You definitely gained more muscles now, you’ve been working out a lot.” Jungkook says, blatantly staring at Jimin’s body as the older enjoys the attention.

“Dancing helped a lot in toning my body, all the routines and choreographies we had to do almost broke my back but I did fine. And excuse me? You’re the one to talk? Look at your biceps, I feel like you could choke me with those.” Jimin exclaimed.

“I mean, if you’re into that hyung, I won’t judge.” Jungkook replied suggestively. Jimin blushed and hit his arm, not passing up from the opportunity to squeeze his muscles a little.

They decided to swim around first before eating, the both of them trying to race each other to the shore. After a few hours, Jungkook’s stomach rumbled so they decided to take a break so they could eat lunch. It’s too hot to swim anyways. While they were enjoying their food, Jungkook decided that it’s the perfect time to open up the topic about their relationship.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Wow it’s been a while since you called me baby…”

“It’s because it’s weird to call you baby now.” Jungkook’s heart skipped a beat. What?

“Why?”

“You’re even bigger than me now, it looks pathetic when I try to baby you.”

“That didn’t seem to bother you before.”

“It doesn’t really bother me a lot, I’m just playing with you Kookie! Anyways, what did you wanna ask?” Jimin says as he takes a bite of an egg roll.

“How have you been this past year, hyung?”

Jimin looked at him like he’s grown two heads.

“I’ve been fine, Kookie. I always tell you that, don’t I?”

“Yeah but you don’t always tell the truth, hyung.”

“Yah, what’s that supposed to mean?”

Jungkook sighs.

“Hyung, it’s just that… I feel like you didn’t only become distant physically, this past year felt like you also distanced yourself emotionally from me. And I don’t get it because I’m your boyfriend, and another thing, I’m your best friend before I became your boyfriend. I’m sorry but I feel like I don’t know what’s going on with you anymore.” 

Jimin put down his chopsticks and looked at Jungkook intently. He just listened but he didn’t reply, so Jungkook kept talking.

“I know that your second year in college being in a different university really required a lot of time, energy, and effort from you. I understood how you had to prioritize your academics and dance, I don’t blame you for it. But I just feel like after you left Busan, you didn’t leave me something to work with. It’s like I was left scrambling in the dark trying to figure out how to make us work without being a burden to you.”

“Jungkook..”

“Jimin hyung, you know I never demanded anything from you. I don’t wanna mention anything that happened in the past but I did my best to understand you even when you broke several of your promises. But it’s so hard when I get nothing but “I’m fine”, “I’m doing okay”, “I’m alright” from you when I know that you’re not. The last time you opened up to me was when I took you out after you received your acceptance letter from SNU. After that I feel like we’re in this constant state of pretense that we’re both doing fine and we never talked about anything at all.”

Jimin bowed his head down, still not having the right words to say.

“We used to tell each other everything, hyung. Even if we know we might argue over it at some point, we’ve always been honest about our thoughts and feelings. We lost that in our relationship, and it worries me. I’m sorry for dumping this all into you right now but I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time now.” Jungkook’s voice became tinier. He heard Jimin sigh, and he’s nervous. He’s nervous with what he’s about to say.

“Jungkook, I only did that to protect our relationship. I feel like if I say anything that’s thought-provoking or anything that might spark up any arguments between us, we’ll end up breaking up. I was so scared to leave you here, you know. I mean, yes, I loved the fact that I’m finally widening my horizons by moving to Seoul but it still saddens me that I had to leave someone I love behind. We’ve never been separated before so I was careful with what I say to you because I can’t just leave my apartment and run to your house to talk to you personally.” Jimin starts.

“I was in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by unfamiliar people. I needed to start over again and adjust to my new environment, without you. All these years, you’ve always been some kind of security blanket to me, your presence made me feel safe, but you weren’t there. So I thought to myself that I needed to man up and learn to do things without having to depend on you all the time. Without thinking that I can always run to you when I fuck things up.”

“And that’s what I did, I focused on building myself up without depending on anyone else. I’m sorry Jungkookie, but I don’t regret doing that. For the first time I felt like I could stand by myself and I loved that feeling. I just didn’t realize that in the process of doing that, I was hurting you. I’m sorry that I didn’t open up about my struggles to you, I just didn’t want to risk anything when it comes to our relationship.” Jimin looked up at Jungkook.

“But didn’t you realize that by protecting our relationship you’ve been knocking down its foundation? We didn’t have anything to talk about anymore, hyung. You were so far away from me and I couldn’t reach you in any way. Even now, I still can’t reach you.” Jimin started tearing up, so did Jungkook.

 “I’m so sorry Jungkook. I really am. I was just too afraid that I’ve been too attached and dependent on you that I wouldn’t enjoy my life there but it turns out that I detached myself too much that I don’t know how to work this out anymore.”

“Work what out?”

“Work us out.” Jungkook closed his eyes and a fresh set of tears rushed out. His chest hurts, his head hurts, everything hurts.

“So what do we do now, hyung? I’m going to college soon, and you’ll come back to Seoul. What do we do once that happens? Scratch that, what do we do now that this is happening?” Jungkook wiped his tears, he’s thankful that not a lot of people are in their area so they won’t judge them. Actually it doesn’t matter, his relationship is crumbling, he couldn’t care less about people wondering why the fuck are two grown men crying in a public place.

“Jungkook, I don’t know. I didn’t expect you’ll talk to me about this.”

“Did you expect me to just keep pretending that everything’s okay just so we can say that we’re still together?” Jimin looked up at him, his eyes red from crying.

“Do you think that we should break up, Kookie? Before this destroys even our friendship?”

Jungkook blinked once. Twice. Thrice. He kept blinking and the tears kept running. What does he want? He didn’t think that  their conversation would lead to this but he can’t just back out and tell the older to just forget about everything.

“Hyung, do you still love me?”

“I do. I love you a lot.” Jimin responded in a heartbeat.

“Then hold on to that love, as long as you can. Because I will hold on to mine. But for now, I think we need to let each other go first.”

“Jungkook…”

“I see that you’re trying to find your identity and place in this world, hyung. And soon I will also go and look for mine. We got a lot of love for each other but I don’t want that to hinder whatever expectations we had for ourselves as individuals. We’ve been in love since we were young and I don’t think that will change. So let’s love each other hyung, but not the same way we’ve been doing these past years.”

“I love you, Jungkook. And I’m proud of the man you’ve become, you’re so mature, even more mature than me. Thank you for staying with me even though it hurt you. Thank you for always understanding me.” Jimin held Jungkook’s hand.

“I love you too, hyung. When the time comes, we will find our way back to each other, right?” Jimin smiled at him, and for the first time the storms inside his chest calmed down. He’s okay. They’re okay.

Years passed and both Jimin and Jungkook became successful in their chosen careers. Jimin became a world-renowned dancer and Jungkook became one of the most sought after filmmakers in the industry. They supported each other in every way they can, cheering for one another in every milestone they achieved.

Through all these years, they served as each other’s rock, just like when they were younger. It seemed like the break-up didn’t weaken their bond, instead it made their friendship stronger. Today, Jungkook helps Jimin celebrate one of the milestones in his life yet again. 

As Jimin says his vows, Jungkook can’t help but tear up while looking at the man Jimin became. He might not be the one who Jimin spends the rest of his life with, but he’s glad he got to be a big part of it. Maybe their story didn’t have a happy ending, but it’s still worthy of being told.

I care for you still and I will, forever

That was my part of the deal

Jungkook doesn’t remember a time in his life when he wasn’t in love with Jimin. He feels like he will never love anyone as much as he loves him, and that’s perfectly fine with him. He doesn’t intend to look for anyone else anyways. Jimin chose his heart to reside in and it will always be his, until the end of time.