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The first time when Jungkook hears the story behind the tattoo on people's ankles, he's barely six.
His mother sits him on a chair, the sharp whiff of coffee and sweet aroma of dumplings filling the kitchen and soothing the small boy as she settles on a seat before him and gestures at the tattoo on Jungkook's skin. Her smile is sweet and patient as she tries to explain to her precious son about how love works in their world and Jungkook listens, wide eyes watching her attentively.
Soon, Jungkook learns that everyone is born with a tattoo on their left ankle and grows up with it and there isn't a way to wipe the ink off the skin. He learns that each person has their own signature tattoo and each shape and splash of colours is one of a kind.
She goes on and on about how if he falls in love with someone, a part of his skin accepts their ankle tattoo into their own. In short, if someone falls in love with Jungkook, they'd obtain the tattoo on Jungkook's ankle.
His own mother has the same tattoo of his father embedded on her wrist, while his father carries her tattoo on his neck, inked right on the spot where it pulses with life.
The first thing little Jungkook thinks of when he hears it, is that it's a beautiful thing.
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If Jungkook used to think the 'If I fall in love with you I will carry your ankle tattoo on my skin' is a beautiful thing, he definitely changed his mind as time passed.
He's twenty three now, and now he only associates tattoos with disaster.
The first time when reality sinks in, it's just one of their usual Saturday nights.
Somehow they end up in the living room with lights off and a horror movie on TV, and Jungkook can't be more happy. He loves horror movies and loves it even more when he watches them with his hyungs-their different reactions are hilarious to watch.
Currently he's sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and his back against the couch and Seokjin and Namjoon sit next to him, the oldest clutching at Jungkook's arm like a lifeline. His face is blanched as he yelps at another jumpscare, burying his head in Jungkook's shoulder.
Jungkook's lips twitch in amusement at his hyung as he reaches a hand to card his fingers through Seokjin's hair, trying to soothe him. It's hilarious and endearing at the same time, and Jungkook's chest feels warm as he looks down at the older man.
And just then, Seokjin decides to lift his head off his shoulder and meet his gaze, his expression nervous. Jungkook's heart skips a beat.
It's not like it's the first time he locked eyes with Seokjin, but everytime he does so it's still enough to trap his breath in his chest.
"Hey." Jungkook mutters, fighting back a fit of laughter and Seokjin catches the look on his face, slapping his arm and glaring playfully at the younger.
" Not a word." He pauses to catch his breath, and Jungkook's grin broadens. Seokjin gives him a look, crossing his arms over his chest.
"It's not my fault that you and Yoongi ah are psychos." Jungkook snorts. "We're not psychos, hyung. We just don't scream our head off when a literal clown chews a guy's head off his body." Seokjin stares back at him with the most horrified expression he can muster, and Jungkook is having a hard time keeping a straight face.
"That's exactly what I meant! Who doesn't scream when a clown starts to munch on people!?"
"People who like horror movies, hyung. Psychos are the one who do the chewing thing. We just watch and cackle at the movie's stupidity." Seokjin looks as if Jungkook suddenly grew a second head on his shoulders, eyes as wide as saucers.
"Are you even real?"
"We are, hyung. Now can we go back to the movie?" Yoongi deadpans from behind Seokjin, his head resting on Taehyung's shoulder and his pout making him look like an angry kitten.
Seokjin opens his mouth to utter a snarky remark but words seem to be failing him as he closes it and turns his attention back to the TV, shaking his head.
"Stop grinning." He mutters to Jungkook, though his words hold no bite. "I'm not grinning." Says Jungkook, grinning from ear to ear. Seokjin is still not amused, lifting a brow in response.
"Really? I might not have a 148 IQ like our nerd over there, but I'm smart enough to know when your dumb ass is grinning."
"Hey!" Namjoon pouts, but Seokjin seems to be content with ignoring him. "That was a compliment , Joon ah." The blond huffs, not convinced with the older singer's words.
"You were being sarcastic. That doesn't make it a complimen-" His words are lost in between a shrill scream that tears the air from the TV screen, and Yoongi snickers when Hoseok screams along at the sudden sound and buries his head in Jimin's shoulder.
It doesn't take long for Seokjin to throw his arms around Jungkook's waist, eyes swimming with fear as he sits as close to Jungkook as he can. He stays close to the point where he's almost hiding behind the latter, trembling slightly when he hears the sound of munching and tearing flesh.
Jungkook sighs, turning slightly to gain access to the older singer's head and starts patting him.
How in the world is it possible to be endeared even by someone screaming bloody murder at the TV screen and trying to bury themself back in the couch?
"There, there, Hyung. I promise I won't let the creepy clown munch your pretty face off." Jungkook says with a blank face, which doesn't last long because the words he just processed the words he said to the other man and yeah this is probably what gay panic feels like.
Fuck. Did I actually call Seokjin pretty? Did I just say that to his face?! Was it too much?
Jungkook never wanted the ground to open up and swallow him so badly in his life.
And then Seokjin just has to chuckle and look up at him with that smile and yeah, Jungkook is a goner.
"You will?" Jungkook blinks back at this gorgeous boy in his arms, and he knows he is willing to fight Pennywise with his bare hands if it means that Seokjin would be ok.
He just wonders why Seokjin sounds a bit too surprised with his words.
"Yup. Without a doubt." And Seokjin smiles at his words, even if they sound so lame to Jungkook's ears and yeah, he's totally a goner.
"My hero." Seokjin laughs, though that doesn't kill the fond glint in his eyes, the gentle smile on his lips.
Jungkook tries not to look at that, though. He's afraid if he do that, he'd do something as stupid as kissing that smile off Seokjin's face.
His left shoulder feels warm, and the buzzing sensation on his skin is enough for him to clamp up. Seokjin's eyes are questioning when Jungkook lifts himself from his place on the ground, desperately hoping he won't trip over his own feet as he mutters an excuse and sprints to the bathroom.
Jungkook has no idea how he ended up in the bathroom, he just knows that he managed to slam the door shut and lock it before he completely flips out.
His breathing is laboured as he claws at his shoulder, the skin feeling raw underneath his fingers. Jungkook's hands shake as he reaches for the hem of his shirt and takes it off, turning his back to the mirror and craning his neck to take a look.
His breath hitches in his throat, a strangled gasp escaping his lips.
Horror movies never scared him, but if this would be an actual scene in a horror movie, Jungkook would've been shaking in his imaginary boots already.
"W-What?" Jungkook's not sure how long he stands there in the bathroom, his pale reflection staring back at him. His fingers keep tracing the lines on his skin, the newly formed tattoo that made its space in there.
Jungkook knows this one pretty well, the lines curving and jutting into rough shapes to form a sun. The same design he used to trace his finger over Seokjin's ankle, when the older sat next to him and rested his legs on Jungkook's lap.
He remembers how he used to admire it so much, because it just looks so real on Seokjin's skin and he loves it. What he loves more about it is that from different angles, it could shift from a sun to another shape.
Jungkook always thought the tattoo keeps shifting and turning because sometimes when he looks at the ink on Seokjin's ankle, it's a lotus.
Perhaps it's because the star Seokjin carries on his ankle is something between both-the hues of light surrounding his sun are soft lines instead of the usual jagged lines surrounding the sun in children's drawings. The tattoo is something unique, in it's own way, and Jungkook loves it.
But the world always seems to mess up the things Jungkook deems as beautiful, just because this goddamn universe is a fucked up place.
The beautiful star looks so dreadful on his own skin. It looks like a wilted flower, a lone, fizzled out star up in the sky.
It's beautiful, and it makes fear cloud over his thoughts because he's screwed .
A knock against the door makes him jump in surprise. "Kookie, are you ok?" Taehyung's voice is muffled from the other side of the door and Jungkook tries hard to steel himself, taking deep breaths.
He has to hide this. Forever, if he has to. Jungkook isn't stupid-ever since he developed a crush for his hyung, he knew he'd never have a chance with Kim Seokjin of all people.
"I'm fine!" There's a pause and a shuffle, "Are you sure?" Jungkook puts his shirt on as quick as he can, and reaches for the doorknob.
A concerned looking Taehyung greets him when he opens the door, and he just pulls on his shit eating grin in hopes of distracting the older from the mid life crisis he's facing right now.
"Yup." He finally says and Taehyung shakes his head, his boxy grin back on his face. Jungkook heaves an internal sigh, relieved that the man believed him.
And as they walk back to the living room Jungkook wonders, what the hell did I do to deserve this?
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Jungkook tries to act normal after that, trying his hardest to keep his new tattoo from prying eyes.
It's hard to keep it to himself, and try not to avoid Seokjin at the same time. But Jungkook still manages, somehow. He has no idea how, though.
Jungkook tried everything to wipe away the ink on the paper of his skin but he knows deep down that just like his ankle tattoo, he'll have to live with that for the rest of his life.
He covers it with makeup the moment he wakes up, always fidgeting with his collar to make sure no one would be able to catch the tiniest glimpse of his covered up tattoo. The nagging sense of anxiety never leaves him, and Jungkook's sure he's been a little bit too tense these days with the thought of his housemates figuring him out.
As if him acting all tense all of sudden isn't suspicious. Jungkook's sure all of them figured that something's up, yet let him be for now. He's sure if the tense act goes on for a few more days, Seokjin will call him out.
He knows that the stress is getting to him when he steps in the bathroom to cover the tattoo, and spots scratch marks covering it and the space around it. Jungkook later realizes he scratches at the ink in his sleep, in vain hope of making it disappear. Jungkook scratches and scratches, and the tattoo stubbornly stays intact.
He stays in his room when he opens his eyes that morning, because he has his doubt about his ability to face today.
Everyone is out today, leaving only him and Seokjin in the house. And Jungkook's heart is a little bit too weak to deal with that right now because dammit, it hasn't been even a week since he realized he's been in love with Seokjin.
Jungkook's resolve crumbles easily enough, when Seokjin barges in his room and drags him to the living room and demands to have a disney marathon with him.
And this is exactly how Jungkook ends up standing up on the couch, singing along with Shakira's Try Everything just because he can't say no to Seokjin.
At least he has good taste in movies, which might as well make up for the internal crisis Jungkook's going through.
" I keep on making those new mistakes ," Jungkook belts out the lyrics he knows by heart now, trying hard and failing to stop the grin that dangles from his lips and curves them upwards. A voice harmonizes with his own, tugging at his heart strings because he knows the owner of that alluring voice is crooning out the words right next to him.
" I keep on making them everyday ," And just then, Jungkook notices that he's the only one singing right now. " Those new mistakes ." He murmurs the last words in a low tone, confused as he turns to see if there's something wrong with his hyung.
Seokjin just stares back at him in stunned silence, eyes searching his face with a strange expression adorning his beautiful features. Jungkook blinks, trying hard not to feel too self conscious underneath his hyung's piercing gaze.
It's almost like his soul is exposed bare to the olders eyes, every single secret he harbors in his chest coming undone.
Jungkook can't say it's a good feeling. Especially since one of those secrets he holds close to his heart, can potentially ruin the friendship between them and their friendship is too precious to him to let it fall apart just because of his selfish thoughts.
It's like flowers blooming in his heart, vines wrapping around it and squeezing until it hurts. And just like that, Jungkook's heart feels too small and big in his ribcage at the same time and he's trying to stop the flowers from carving lines in his chest.
"Hyung?" Jungkook manages to ask, running a nervous hair through his hair. He's been too lazy to do anything to his hair when he woke up today, leaving it in messy locks of short, dark hair.
"Is there something on my face…?" Seokjin blinks, as if snapped out of a trance and Jungkook is starting to think that he's been sleep deprived to the point where he thinks he caught a hint of red crawling up his hyung's cheeks. There's a fire in his eyes that's yet to die down.
"Sorry, Kook ah. It's just that," When Seokjin makes eye contact with him once again, the flame in his eyes are gone and his signature smirk is back. Jungkook wants to ask, but he knows better that he won't get an answer.
"I've never seen someone sing along with disney songs like that ." Seokjin's teasing him, he knows that. Then why the hell does his cheeks feel so hot out of sudden?
"Hey, Shakira sounds pretty good in this one! I couldn't just sit there and not sing with that!" Jungkook protests weakly and the latter snorts, ruffling his hair affectionately. They don't talk afterwards, their attention captured back by the TV screen as Judy convinces Nick to work with her on her case to find a missing person.
"You know, I was thinking," Seokjin leans back, beaming at this point as he holds the younger's gaze. "You were most likely a siren in your previous life." Once again the heat on his cheeks is there to greet him, and Jungkook has to bite back a groan of frustration.
"Hyung!" He groans(so much for fighting back a groan), hiding his face in his hands as Seokjin's windshield wiper laughter fills the room and as much as it's endearing, Jungkook is too embarrassed to care about that.
Jungkook tugs at his collar, and turns his head to the side in a faint attempt to avoid Seokjin's gaze. He tries to forget that he's been harboring a lot of secrets, especially from the man sitting next to him. And just like that, his mood sours.
Namjoon keeps reminding him that no matter how close the bond between the seven of them is, each and everyone of them has at least one secret they rather keep to themself. Jungkook knows that, his hyung practically drilled that into his mind but yet again he feels strange, keeping the crucial details to himself.
Jungkook doesn't mention why he started to wear T-Shirts that exposed less of his broad shoulders. Of course, when talking about a simple article of clothing you might think it's really not a big deal. But it is, to Jungkook at least.
Jimin's the first who suspects that something's off, because Jungkook doesn't mind the large shirts that reveal just a bit of his shoulders. Others start to catch up too, one by one, but none of them ask why.
The only person who happens to know the reason for the change of his choice in clothing would be Taehyung, who caught Jungkook off guard by bursting through his door.
Let's just say the moment Jungkook was getting ready for bed and took his shirt off, Taehyung just had to barge in.
And catch Jungkook shirtless. With his tattoo exposed for the whole goddamn world to see.
So in some way, Jungkook didn't just willingly tell him about his secret, but changed his mind after Taehyung found him out. He might not look like it, but Taehyung is pretty good at keeping secrets.
If he wants to keep a secret, that is.
Jungkook remembers the look on his face, the understanding expression that takes place on his features as his eyes trace the shapes that seem to glide on the exposed skin of his left shoulder.
It's beautiful, in every way. Jungkook loves the way black dances across his skin, shifting and turning to shape into a tiny sun that shines brightly through the smudges of pitch black.
The origin of this tattoo isn't the same as the ink on his knuckles, yet it's a solid proof of his intense feelings towards someone he holds dear in his heart, swirling and pooling until it's too much to handle.
This tattoo is the same one etched on the skin of Seokjin's ankle, snugged fit against his bones.
Jungkook is definitely not in love with Kim Seokjin. Nope. Nadda.
And his heart is definitely not threatening to crack its way out of his ribcage when he tentatively curls up into Seokjin's side, resting his head against his shoulder just because Seokjin has unnaturally broad shoulders and he loves them. It sure as hell doesn't skip a beat when Seokjin seems to lean into him, resting his chin on Jungkook's hair.
He dozes off, the last thoughts going through his mind is how he loves Seokjin and his broad shoulders and his windshield wiper laugh and his warm, kind eyes that feel a little bit too much like home.
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Call him dramatic but the moment Jungkook opened his eyes, he just knows something is...not right about today.
Yeah, even Jungkook cringes at the thought but turns out, he's actually right. There's something really really not right with today.
To be more specific, something's off with Seokjin and it's taking Jungkook everything not to walk up to him and hug him tight until the dullness goes away. Seeing his hyung with his light killed off like this, it hurts even more than his own bad head days.
He knows he's not the only one who noticed, Jungkook can tell by the occasional glances his hyungs throw at the oldest from time to time. Namjoon attempts to talk to him at some point, gently reminding him that he's there if Seokjin's willing to talk but all the other does is to give a thin smile and shake his head.
They just decide to go on with their schedules after that- everyone knows that Seokjin will reach out to them when he needs it the most. And no matter how much Jungkook tries to remind himself that, his mind stays with his hyung through the rest of the day.
With every pirouette, every sharp inhale of breath, Seokjin is the only thing occupying his mind. Jungkook turns sharply on his heels, shoes clicking against the floor as he flows through the moves he's been trying to perfect for a week.
Jungkook makes a beeline to the bathroom to take a quick shower after his tight training schedule, trying to wash away the sweat and the worry. When he steps out in a large hoodie and sweats and a towel draped over his shoulders, he doesn't feel disgusting with the smell of sweat on his body.
The concern still lingers on his mind.
Jungkook tries to keep his head blank as he searches the cupboards for some instant ramen, a satisfied humm escaping his lips when he picks up a cup.
Soon he's sprawled on the couch, watching some drama on TV as he quietly eats his ramen. It's not uncommon for the living room to be this quiet-everyone has retreated to their rooms to take a well deserved rest. Basically, Jungkook is the only one who's a little bit too worried to go back to his room and pretend everything's ok.
And perhaps he's not the only one with a little too much on his mind.
His ears pick up a distant sound of a door opening, followed by the padding of bare feet against the tiled floor. The footsteps keep getting closer and closer until the couch dips under the additional weight. Jungkook finally turns to look, putting his bowl on the coffee table.
Seokjin looks exhausted, his skin paler than usual and it brings out the dark circles under his eyes. Jungkook's heart throbs in his chest as he fights back the urge to reach out and push his hair out of his face.
"Is everything alright, hyung?" Seokjin just stares at him for a while with the same unreadable expression on his face, and just the moment Jungkook assumes he's getting silence as an answer-
-Seokjin slumps down against him, letting his head rest against Jungkook's shoulder. Jungkook freezes for a mere second, before his features smoothen out.
Oh.
He's tentative at first when he starts to card his fingers through Seokjin's soft hair, unsure about how his hyung feels about physical contact right now. When Seokjin takes a shaky breath and melts at his touch, all his doubt flickers away.
Jungkook isn't good with words the way Namjoon is and they all know it, but if his words would've comforted Seokjin he would give it a try. And he knows that's the least of things he would do for Kim Seokjin.
But it seems all Seokjin needed today would be a shoulder to lean on, and Jungkook gladly gives him that.
Even if his shoulders aren't as broad as the older's.
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Taehyung catches him the other day, and Jungkook is a little too busy munching on cereal to run away from what's most likely coming up. Well, you could say that's barely one of the reasons Jungkook hasn't gotten up and bolted to another country yet.
His second reason for boldly staying in his seat and 'casually' chewing his cereal is that if he makes any noise, Yoongi might actually kick his ass for waking him up.
It's barely five in the morning and the sun is not even up yet, so to say it's weird to see Taehyung awake at this hour is an understatement. He usually likes to sleep in when he has a day off, so seeing Kim Taehyung up at four AM in the morning is a sight to see.
And Jungkook has some ideas why the man is awake right now. Taehyung probably heard all the commotion and knowing Jungkook's secret, he came here to check on him.
Jungkook keeps his eyes down on his bowl as Taehyung pulls back the chair at the opposite side of him and plops down, and he doesn't really need to look up to feel the intense gaze on him.
"Are you gonna keep stirring your soggy cereal forever?" Jungkook pauses, and yeah, his cereal has turned soggy from him being too deep in thought to eat it properly. With a sigh, he drops his spoon in the bowl and meets Taehyung's awaiting gaze.
"What do you want, hyung?" He asks, too tired to run away from this. He barely slept the last few days, so his patience is non-existent by now. Jungkook wants to lay down and sleep forever, but his mind never allows him to do so.
"I want you to stop moping and actually tell him, Kookie." Taehyung says with an exasperated air to his tone and Jungkook groans, pushing his bowl back to bang his head against the table.
"Do you want me to get rejected and make us disband or something?" Jungkook grumbles, voice muffled against the wooden table. There's a soft sigh, and a hand reaches up to pat his head.
"Kook, there's no way you'd make us disband just because you're feeling things."
"That's easy for you to say, Tae. Yoongi loves you back." Jungkook mumbles numbly, lifting his head to look at his older friend. Taehyung's expression softens, as he brushes a lock out of Jungkook's face.
"You don't think Jin hyung would...feel the same?" Jungkook shakes his head, fights back the urge to snort at the stupid question. For him, this question is as stupid as asking if puppies can talk.
"No way, hyung. This isn't some stupid romance fiction. This is reality." He mutters, glaring down at the bowl of soggy nightmare he created. Jungkook almost wishes they weren't so soggy now, because that way he'd at least have something to munch on while he's stressed and pissed at the universe.
He should clean that up, he knows. But his mind is a little too busy acting like an angsty teenager to walk with him.
Taehyung is silent, and when the silence stretches on for too long it turns strange. He looks up, and Taehyung is wearing that done expression where he's most likely a hair width away from jumping off a cliff.
"Why are you making that face?" Jungkook asks, and for some reason the older looks even more done when he does so.
"Oh I don't know. Maybe because I found people who are dumber than me and Yoongi hyung." Jungkook blinks, nothing makes sense right now.
What is that supposed to mean?
"Uh," Jungkook says intelligibly, "I don't get it." Taehyung stares at him, a frustrated sigh escaping his throat as he sags in his seat.
"Of course you don't." He stands up suddenly, and he has never looked so hesitant before. It's as if the older wants to tell him something, but some barrier holds the words back on his tongue.
Taehyung shakes his head, slapping Jungkook on the shoulder on his way out.
"Make sure to get some sleep, by the way. You look like shit." And as Taehyung leaves him alone in the dark, Jungkook can't stop thinking about what the latter wanted to tell him.
Maybe it's something important, but it's not Taehyung's place to tell. That's the only thing Jungkook's sleep deprived mind manages to come up with.
For now.
----------
If Jungkook thought he's doing a really good job at hiding the problem that formed on the canvas of his skin, the universe would be hell bent on making him think again.
He's fine. He still hangs around the guys he grew to call his second family, tries his best to perfect the choreography they've started working on and hits the notes at vocal practice.
Jungkook likes to think that no one else has an inkling of what's going on with him. Pun not intended because that's Seokjin's job.
This world just loves messing with him and at this point, Jungkook isn't even that surprised.
Because of course when things are going well, Jungkook has to get sick. Jungkook , who has a fairly decent immune system compared to his other friends.
Yup. This world is most likely a big, fat joke.
And as Jungkook curls into himself as humanly as possible and sniffles for the gazillionth time, he's now more than certain that he's been born into a joke.
At first Jungkook felt fine. It was just a sniffle here, a cough there- nothing he couldn't handle. Jungkook's been through worse.
Unfortunately for him, Jungkook isn't even given the chance to contemplate his life choices before the door opens and clicks shut softly behind his intruder. He turns to look, and his pout wavers if just the slightest bit when he sees Seokjin at the doorway.
Is this how he's going to die?
"How are you feeling?" Seokjin whispers as he walks over the younger man, the side of bed dipping down under the man's weight as he reaches over and lets his palm rest against Jungkook's forehead. Jungkook can only sigh in response, leaning into the touch and closing his eyes at how nice and cold Seokjin's fingers feel against his forehead.
Which is, pretty much a surprise because Seokjin is a walking and talking furnace and there's no way he of all people would have cold hands.
"Like I've been hit by a truck. Twice." Jungkook mumbles under his breath, which emits a snort from the oldest but doesn't cease the worry in his eyes.
"I've brought you your medicine, JK. Maybe then you'd think you've been hit by a truck only once, hm?" Jungkook scoffs, though he still pushes himself up on his elbows to lean back against his bed's headboard.
"No way." He has to say before he accepts the pills Seokjin hands over to him and washes them down with a glass of water. A bitter taste lingers in his tongue afterwards, but Jungkook is keen on ignoring it.
He's sure if he focuses just a bit more on that bitter taste of medicine, he might actually have to take a trip to the bathroom before he hurls the small bite of dinner he had a few hours ago.
Jungkook shivers, the cold finding its way through his bones and resting there as if it always belonged there. He clutches at the blanket draped over his shivering frame, pulling it up to his chin in a vain attempt to warm himself up.
It's so, so cold.
"Kookie?" Jungkook looks up, surprised to see Seokjin hasn't left his side yet. It's pretty late now, a few minutes past midnight, and Jungkook thought the older man would leave him after he gave him his medicine.
It makes Jungkook's stomach knot uncomfortably, guilt clawing at his chest.
Seokjin might be the oldest of them, but he doesn't have to feel obligated to take care of their dumbass maknae who just had to get himself sick and become a dead weight.
And no matter how much Jungkook keeps thinking that, his mind keeps begging, desperate for Seokjin to stay with him. His brain is more fragile and his emotions are a jumbled mess and Jungkook also wants the man to leave him alone before his fever induced tongue runs on its own and confesses his undying love to him.
"Hyung?" A word, and Jungkook really wants to hit himself. Opening his mouth in such a situation is like setting off a bomb, because it's as dangerous as that.
"Yes, bun?"
"Is…" Jungkook licks his lips, struggling to regain his control over words. Seokjin's eyes are intently focused on him, patiently waiting for Jungkook to finish what he's saying.
What was he trying to say again?
"'s something wrong?" He finally settles on asking and Seokjin looks taken aback by his question. He properly didn't expect this.
The next moment Seokjin is crouching over him, gently pushing his hair out of his eyes. He does it so carefully and tenderly as if dealing with something valuable, something...precious. Jungkook trembles at the thought and from the corner of his mind, a weak voice has to remind him not to get his hopes up.
Jungkook's a little bit too sick and out of his mind to heed that warning, though.
"Why would you think something's wrong, JK?" His voice is soft as he asks, as if Jungkook' asleep and Seokjin has to keep his tone down to not disturb his slumber. Jungkook hums as Seokjin keeps running his hand through his hair, even if it probably feels disgusting and sweaty under the other man's fingers.
"Dunno. You just-" Jungkook coughed into his elbow, "Look so worried." He slurs out and Seokjin huffs, exasperated and worried and fond at the same time.
"Of course I'm worried, you dumbass. You're sick !" Jungkook pouts. "It's not that bad." He mutters, and gets an unamused stare in response. Seokjin barely lifts a brow, and Jungkook's pout intensifies.
"'M serious." Seokjin snorts, Jungkook's sure he'd have laughed if he hadn't glared at him.
"You're not serious, Kook ah. You're sick." He almost wants to throw himself off a cliff as Seokjin wheezes and laughs at his own...ingenious remark.
It goes on like this, throwing snarky remarks here and there, none of them willing to give up. At some point Seokjin throws his head back and laughs, and Jungkook has to look away to hide the blush blooming on his face.
The clock keeps ticking but Seokjin stays, refusing to leave his side even when it's past midnight and they all have to wake up tomorrow.
That night, when Jungkook jolts awake by a fever dream and his breath caged in his lungs, Seokjin is there to lull him back to sleep.
"It's ok, Kook ah. You're ok." Seokjin's soft voice whispers in the dark comfort of his room and Jungkook almost tears up at the horrid images still lingering in his mind, Seokjin's soothing tone and his warm fingers threading through his matted down hair.
"Why do you do this?" He murmurs, voice cracking at the end and he has no idea if his eyes sting from exhaustion or tears. Jungkook's thrown logic out of the window by this point, he just wants to know. He needs to know.
"I thought it's pretty obvious, Jungkook ah. You're important to me." Seokjin answers softly, and Jungkook wants to cry.
He licks his dry lips instead, and turns his attention to the direction where he thinks the older man is crouched over him. If he's sniffling, he can just blame it on the sickness, and his room is too dark for Seokjin to see the wet tracks on his face.
"Not the way you're important to me, hyung." Jungkook says before he can stop himself, hates it how his voice is still quivering and vulnerable.
The room goes silent and Jungkook can practically hear the question lingering in Seokjin's head. But he never asks, shushes the maknae instead with a tender hand on his cheek. Doesn't question his damp cheeks either.
"Sleep, Kookie." Jungkook takes a deep breath.
"Will you be there in the morning?"
"Yes. I promise." There's not even the smallest hint of sarcasm or anything that implies he won't keep his words so Jungkook eases back on his bed, trying to keep his eyes shut.
When he wakes up in the morning with birds chirping from the distance and sunlight streaming through the curtains Seokjin is still there, snoring on a chair with his head leaning against the wall.
To Jungkook, that's the most endearing scene he ever witnessed through his whole life.
---------
Jungkook's chopping tomatoes when he realizes he's had enough.
It's been almost a year since his startling discovery and Jungkook has never stopped worrying over how to keep his secret hidden.
He's tired, so tired of fearing the consequences of his secret being revealed. Jungkook's tired of being afraid. He wants things back to how they were before, where he didn't have to choose his words so carefully when he had to open his damn mouth.
Jungkook has to say it. He has to try, even if he knows his chance of being rejected is so high. He has to confess, and accept the consequences after that.
He's been deep in thought for too long, his hands moving on auto pilot and it takes him a while to register Seokjin's voice.
"Can you please put the knife down before you chop your fingers off?" Jungkook snaps out of his stupor, only to look down and see blood dripping from a cut on his index finger. He blinks, turns to meet a blank faced Seokjin.
A sane part of his mind reminds him they were busy making dinner together since Jungkook offered to give Seokjin a hand. And he just had to zone out and chop his limbs off.
"Uh...Oops?" Jungkook grins sheepishly, which emits a soft sigh from the older man as he pinches the bridge of his nose.
"Come on. We're patching you up." He doesn't even have time to protest as Seokjin drags him to the bathroom and the next moment he's watching quietly as Seokjin rummages through the cupboards, the voices catching up to him from the dark corner of his mind.
Burden. You're being nothing but a burden.
"It's just a cut, hyung. I could patch it up myself." Jungkook whispers, wringing his fingers together nervously before recoiling in pain as he touches his wound. Seokjin throws him a glare, and that's enough to shut Jungkook up.
"Keep rinsing your finger under the cold water." He says simply, and returns to his search for the first aid kit.
The cut isn't even that deep, but Jungkook still has to keep rinsing it with the tap water since it won't stop bleeding.
Seokjin stays quiet, and just when Jungkook's about to ask him what's wrong, he closes a cabinet and turns to the younger. He's carrying the white first aid kit in his hands as he closes the tap water and beckons Jungkook closer.
Jungkook winces as the other man dabbs at his cut with a cotton, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he struggles to keep a blank face. This wound seems to be a little bit worse than what it looks like, and that's exactly why Jungkook will not say it out loud to Seokjin.
"So," Seokjin speaks up, though he keeps his gaze down on the wound he's tending to.
"Are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding me these days?" Jungkook winces, because of course Seokjin noticed. Why wouldn't he? He's way sharper than he looks like it.
The familiar stab of guilt greets him once more, and Jungkook isn't emotionally strong enough to push it back again. He watches as Seokjin wraps a bandage around his finger, contemplating the answer he's going to give to him.
Isn't this exactly what Jungkook wants? To get this weight off his chest?
Yes, his mind answers. His heart is a little too scared to say yes. One part of him is scared of where this conversation will take them, their relationship, their career.
Seokjin doesn't say anything as he drags himself out of the blackhole of his dark thoughts, patiently waiting for his answer. He didn't even sound mad when he asked Jungkook that earth shaking question, all Jungkook spotted in his tone was concern, and hurt.
And trust me when I say, Jungkook would rather have Seokjin to be mad at him than to be the reason for that tone of hurt.
"I'm sorry." He mumbles, nervously picking at the bandage wrapped around his left index. Seokjin covers his hand with his before he can take it off, his expression gentle. Jungkook's heart skips a beat.
"I don't want you to apologize. I just want to know why, JK." Jungkook swallows, but the bile stays in his throat. Here it comes.
This is the moment of truth. Jungkook steels himself.
"I…" Jungkook runs a shaky hand through his hair and takes a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. The truth might not be so pretty for Seokjin, but he deserves to know.
"I need to tell you something." Seokjin's eyes are encouraging, warm and kind and Jungkook takes it in, trying to embed it into his mind because there's no way Seokjin would look at him like this after all of that is over.
"I avoided you because I needed some time to myself...to figure things out." Seokjin observes his features for a moment, his lingering gaze stops right on his eyes. Whatever he's seen in there, is something that seems to make him both relieved and sad.
Jungkook wonders what he's seen in his eyes to make such an expression. And maybe he's a bit too intent on figuring out the look on Seokjin's face and that might be the reason his words catch him off guard and shakes him to the core.
"I saw your tattoo." It's as if someone dumped icy water on Jungkook. He tries to open his mouth, say something in response or make sure Seokjin isn't talking about that tattoo on his shoulder but all his mind does is to automatically go into panic mode.
"Which-which one are you talking about?" Jungkook somehow musters the words out without garbling all of it together like a newly infected zombie, his heart beating so loudly in his chest that he's sure Seokjin can hear it. It's a dumb question because the only tattooes he has on his body are the ones on his knuckles and the one on his shoulder.
And since his first tattoo is on his fucking knuckles, Seokjin most likely hasn't just discovered them, but Jungkook is dumb enough to assume that-hope it'd be that case.
Seokjin averts his gaze, and Jungkook doesn't need a verbal response to know. He's exposed.
He's fucked.
"Oh," Escapes his mouth like a sharp inhale, and Jungkook's not sure if he's breathing anymore because last time he checked his heart was still up in his throat.
He doesn't need to know but four words is enough to shatter someone's world completely, piece by piece, brick by brick. Four words is enough to destroy, to break. To tear apart the colourful strings people attach to each other and make the same damn people who used to take a bullet for you to turn and shoot that exact bullet in your heart.
Words can do way worse than a gun or a knife can do to you. Bullets and blades leave scars, but words can break you apart and make you whole at the same time.
Jungkook believes-those four words- are the last nail in the coffin of their friendship. This is how he loses one of the most important people in his life and all Jungkook can do is stare blankly at the tiled floor, Where did he go wrong?
Just like a flickering flame coming back to life, the memory returns to his tired, sleep deprived mind. The morning after the night Seokjin stayed with him, when he was so sick he couldn't sit up in bed more than a few seconds.
Embarrassingly enough when he wanted to change his sweaty shirt, Seokjin had to help him through the process, but Jungkook's mind was so hazy and he didn't remember the ink on his shoulder.
...He didn't remember that when he'd take his shirt off-
-Seokjin would see it.
The walls feel like they're pressing against him, stealing his breath and he can't breath and the room is too small and has no oxygen to offer his wilted lungs-Jungkook needs to get out of here.
The weight is off his shoulders. He's free of that, and now he has to bear the weight of losing someone he genuinely loves and maybe for Seokjin and his own sake, Jungkook will have to learn to get a grip and move on.
He doesn't even realize his breathing is getting uneven and ragged when hands grip at his shoulders, gentle enough to not hurt him but with enough force to keep him upright. And Jungkook, in fact, is fully aware that if Seokjin lifts his hands off his shoulders he'll crumble to pieces on the bathroom floor.
"Hey, shh. It's ok." Jungkook let's out a strangled gasp, and the warm, warm hands never seem hesitant in holding on to him. He can't help but think, albeit bitterly, this would be pretty comforting if he wasn't having a semi panic attack in the bathroom of all places.
Can this get anymore pathetic?
"Breathe with me Jungkook. Breathe." Jungkook forces himself to look up at the older man, and he keeps instructing him to breath with that soft voice and patient smile and concerned eyes.
Jungkook still has no idea why the man wouldn't just leave him to die in his misery.
"That's it, JK. That's it. You're doing amazing." Seokjin whispers softly, his hands still on Jungkook's shoulder. And as the younger sighs, reminding himself to breathe, all he can do is hang his head when the guilt comes back, tenfold this time.
They're both breathing heavily when Jungkook is himself once again and Seokjin's eyes never leave his sight, brimming with worry.
"Is it ok to hold you, Jungkookie?" He nods quickly, desperate for physical comfort. It's selfish to ask him that, but jungkook is still recovering from the shock and he might need this-especially since he's getting rejected soon.
"I'm sorry." He practically whimpers at this point, voice still shaky from his panic session a few minutes ago. Jungkook can already feel drained, and all he wants to do is to curl up in a dark place to never come out.
He half expects Seokjin to push him away, to glare at him and tell him that yes, he should be sorry.
Seokjin doesn't do any of that. He just stays there, holding Jungkook against his chest protectively as if trying to protect him from an invisible demon.
"Don't be." His voice is soft when he speaks up, lacking any malice and Jungkook almost starts crying at the tenderness still lacing his tone.
"Don't ever be sorry for feeling things, Jungkookie." Jungkook can't help the laugh that bubbles out of his throat, even if it mostly sounds like a sob to his own ears. And Seokjin must have noticed it too, his grip tightening on Jungkook.
There's a pause, a hesitant step, something Jungkook thought he'd never see from Kim Seokjin of all people. Seokjin always knows what he's doing, yet this time, there seems to be a red line he fears to cross.
"Come on." He says after a while, still sounding so unsure that Jungkook wants to stop him and ask, but he knows he won't get an answer. Not yet.
"...I have to show you something." He tenses, gripping tightly at Seokjin hands and he throws him a reassuring smile over his shoulder when he sees the look on Jungkook's face, even if his smile looks a bit weaker.
Soon, Jungkook is standing awkwardly in the middle of Seokjin's room as the oldest closes the door and turns to face him. Jungkook wants to day something, anything to save him from the awkward staring session-Seokjin beats him to it.
"First of all," He pokes at Jungkook's chest, who yelps and scrambles back with heated cheeks. God, why does he blush so easily?
"I never thought we'd have this conversation from the first place." Jungkook swallows, "Jin hyung-" Seokjin lifts a hand and he catches the message quickly, clamping up instead.
"I'm not finished." Seokjin takes a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. He looks so nervous, Jungkook just wants to reach out and comfort him the way he did over his stupid breakdown in the bathroom.
His fingers twitch uselessly in his side, instead.
"And I thought now that we're talking about this, I'm not gonna say it in the fucking bathroom." Great. Seokjin brought him here because he didn't want to reject him in the bathroom of all places. He's probably biting his lip a bit too hard, he can almost taste copper in his mouth.
Jungkook holds his breath, waiting patiently for the rejection but it doesn't come. He waits and waits and all Seokjin does is to reach for the bracelet wrapped around his right wrist.
"...Look." Seokjin lifts his wrist for him to see, holding the thick bracelet with his other hand and all Jungkook can do is stare and stare and stare.
This is either a perfect illusion or Jungkook is having another fever dream. Nice one, universe, can I wake up now?
Jungkook doesn't wake up.
Why can't I wake up?
And he stares and stares at the tattoo on Seokjin's pale skin, cursing at the world's cruelty as he begs his mind to bring him back to reality.
Jungkook knows this tattoo so well. He's been born with it- he remembers it since the day he got to know himself.
The tattoo on Jungkook's ankle is simple and cute and he cherishes it with his whole heart since the concept is just his favorite. He loves it where black bleeds into his skin, forming a simple lock.
His mom always tells him every tattoo somehow resembles the character of its owner, and Jungkook believes it wholeheartedly.
Jungkook has a lock because of his reserved personality. A lock he refuses to let anyone unlock to see the mystery behind the metal, keeping it all locked up sounds a way better idea.
Hoseok has tiny stars, and Jungkook can see why. He already carries the whole milky way in his veins, stardust in his eyes.
Jimin carries a diamond, and he's as valuable and strong as one too. Maybe even more, because diamonds are coals who endured pressure and turned into diamonds. Jimin was always a diamond, just that no one discovered him yet.
There's an anchor on Yoongi's ankle, and he's as grounding as one. Aside from Namjoon. He's as calm and reasonable as the waves his anchor greeted on its way down, though he can be also stormy if desired.
Namjoon has music notes, just like the way his heart always seems to sing. Jungkook sees it in the way he pours it into their songs, the glint in his eyes when they're in the studio.
Taehyung's skin is embedded with a dreamcatcher. Just like how the real ones drive away the nightmares and attract sweet dreams, Taehyung brims with positive energy that seems to be just enough to soften the atmosphere.
Everyone already assumes Seokjin has the moon carved on his skin since he even wrote a song about it, the only people who know it's the exact opposite are those who Seokjin felt comfortable enough to share it with.
People might see Kim Seokjin as the moon, but Jungkook knows this man will always be his sun. To him he's the sun to his deep blue sky, where Jungkook cherishes the vibrant star in different shades of blue and turquoise and indigo and keeps him there-as long as he'd be willing to stay.
Without Seokjin, Jungkook is just a pitch black sky but if his sun would want to leave him for all of this, Jungkook would let him. He knows he would.
He'll do anything for his sun to shine bright, afterall.
"Jungkookie?" Jungkook looks up and for some reason, all the doubt in his mind fizzles out the moment he sees the earnest glint in Seokjin's eyes.
Maybe, just maybe, he can make Seokjin happy by just staying.
This gesture, the revelation of his tattoo is somehow more than a confession. Jungkook sees the lock on Seokjin's skin, his finger tracing over it in fear of it being fake. But it's real and even if a part of his mind still doubts, Jungkook is enamoured enough to be bold and surge forward, pulling him into a kiss.
Seokjin makes a surprised noise from the back of his throat, hands hovering in the air in shock and he's stiff as a rock and just the moment Jungkook's about to pull away, to apologize…
Seokjin is wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. His lips are soft against his as he kisses back, and Jungkook's stomach unfurls its knots to melt into a warm puddle. His heart is so, so warm.
They're both panting when they pull away and Jungkook can't help but stare at the other with awe, Seokjin looks as dazed as he feels as he tries to catch his breath.
Jungkook's talking after that, and he most likely sounds breathless since he didn't give himself the chance to catch his breath. He can't do that now. He needs to make sure.
"Do you-" He licks his lips and just now he's realizing they're still in each other's embrace, Seokjin's hands rubbing soothing shapeless patterns on his back.
"Are you sure you want this?" He asks, and Seokjin's eyes seem to soften at the hesitance lacing his tone. There's a fond glint in them when he looks at Jungkook, before he leans in and plants a quick kiss against his nose.
"I have your literal birthmark on my wrist, isn't that enough proof for you?" Jungkook laughs as he lifts a hand to cup his face, leaning into Seokjin's touch.
His heart is full as he watches the love of his life, the same man who loves him back. None of them seem to be able to take their eyes off each other, content to stay like that forever. They'd do it if they could.
But then Namjoon screams from somewhere outside of Seokjin's room, making the two jump out of their skin.
"IS THE FUCKING STOVE ON FIRE?!" Seokjin's eyes widen in realization, a string of curses leaving his lips as he sprints to the door and almost rips it open on his way to the kitchen. Jungkook rushes after him, tripping over his own feet twice before they make it to the kitchen.
Smoke surrounds the room as the other members fill in the living room, confusion written all over their faces.
"Um, what's going on?" Hoseok asks as Namjoon emerges from in between the smoke, seemingly barely keeping his cool. He somehow managed to put out the fire and already opened the window for the smoke to clear out of the kitchen.
"Nothing. Someone other than me almost set the whole kitchen on fire." Namjoon gives Seokjin and Jungkook a pointed look and the oldest shrugs, while Jungkook offers a shit eating grin.
"We needed a new stove anyway." Seokjin grinns, and Yoongi face palms.
"That's a new record." Taehyung snorts, covering his mouth with his hands to stifle a laugh when Jungkook elbows him in the ribs and throws him a glare.
"So are we eating takeouts?" Jimin asks, smiling innocently when Namjoon gives him an exasperated glare. Yoongi squints at them, before lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.
"I mean, our dinner's been burnt to a crisp so I guess we have no choice." Jungkook mutters, fidgeting with his earring.
"I'm not awake enough for this." Yoongi grumbles as he turns around, walking to his room with a pout on his face.
As everyone starts to turn back to whatever they're doing, Jungkook grabs Taehyung and pulls him aside.
"I'll be back." He says quickly to Seokjin, who gives him a curious look before turning his attention to the band leader.
"So," Taehyung leans back against the wall, raising a curious brow at the other. "What's up?" Jungkook wrings his hands together, a shy smile finding its way to his lips and Taehyung's smile seems to turn more fond than playful when he sees the genuinity of his smile.
"I think I kinda kissed Jin hyung." Jungkook whispers as he remembers the softness of Seokjin's lips against his, the warmth of his embrace as he held him close. Taehyung blinks as he tries to process the words, features breaking into his signature boxy grin.
"I fucking knew it!" He says with so much excitement as if he's the one who got to kiss the love of his life, and Jungkook can't help but join him in his excitement.
"I would've never thought he'd feel the same but-" Jungkook pauses to take a breath. "He's got my tattoo. On his wrist." Taehyung's jaw drops. "His wrist? How the hell didn't any of us notice?" Jungkook shrugs.
"He can be pretty sneaky if he wants to, I guess." Taehyung shakes his head. "Nevermind. I'm just glad you guys are happy now." He doesn't even have to point it out loud, Jungkook can see the happiness written all over his face.
"Go now. I don't want to keep you lovebirds apart any longer." Jungkook wrapps his best friend into a warm hug, who responds with a tight squeeze and a giggle. "You're the best, hyung."
"I know." Jungkook pulls away with a broad grin, and turns to look for the love of his life. He finds him sprawled on the couch, browsing through the TV channels with a content smile on his lips.
"Hey." Seokjin looks up quickly and when his eyes find him, his smile carries a fond tilt. "Hey yourself." Jungkook plops on the couch next to him, just like their disney marathon a few weeks ago. And Seokjin wraps his arm around him just like that, pressing his lips against the top of his head before reverting his attention back to the TV screen.
"So," Seokjin speaks up after a while and Jungkook leans back enough to meet his gaze. "Did you know that if the person you love, loves you back…" He rolls back his sleeve once again, and Jungkook gasps when he spots the thin silver lines in between the dark ink of that lock.
"Your tattoo turns silver?" Jungkook huffs out a laugh, his thumb brushing against the silver between black. "I thought I'd only see these stuff in the anime you love to watch."
"So this is the silver linings of my life?" Seokjin nuzzles his nose into Jungkook's hair, his breath brushing against his shoulder and Jungkook giggles as he holds on to him.
"You're so cheesy, hyung."
"Nope. This is where you say 'you're my silver lining, hyung' and make it even cheesier because we don't have enough cheesy in our lives already." Jungkook rolls his eyes fondly, lifting himself up until their faces are inches apart.
"You're my Silver lining, hyung." He says, though his tone is more fond than sarcastic and Seokjin knows it-Jungkook can tell by the blush adorning his beautiful face.
"Jungkook ah." His voice quivers a bit as he pulls Jungkook closer and he smiles, burrowing his face in Seokjin's shoulder. "You're my silver lining too."
About the silver linings, Jungkooks knows he can't be sarcastic about it even if he wants to.
Kim Seokjin is his silver lining when he looks up and sees pitch black, his warmth when he feels nothing but the cold.
He's always been one of the strands of silver making his day, something so precious to Jungkook, Something he tries to cherish everyday.
Seokjin's always been his silver lining, Jungkook was just too afraid to look up at the pitch black sky to see it.
All that matters is that he can see it now.
As he nestles deeper against Seokjin's chest and breathes him in, he makes a silent promise. He promises to never let go.
And unbeknownst to him, Seokjin makes the same promise too.