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“we are both tired of each other now, aren’t we?” he says, burying his face on his palms as he sits at the corner of the bed.
sunwoo, who is resting his back at the headboard of the bed, looks at him from his place. he gazes at the back figure of the older, frustration evident from the heaviness of chanhee’s sigh.
“until when should we do this?” he continues when sunwoo doesn’t answer. his voice is shaking and he doesn’t dare to cover it.
sunwoo doesn’t know what went wrong, or when it even started.
maybe it started when they got busier and talked to each other less and less everyday. maybe it started when sunwoo don’t tease chanhee as he used to anymore. maybe it started when chanhee don’t cuddle with sunwoo as often like before. maybe it started when chanhee slowly realized that he feels happier when he’s with younghoon. maybe it started when sunwoo chose changmin as the person he thinks is his soulmate right in front of chanhee. maybe it started when they felt the spark and excitement they used to feel fade bit by bit.
maybe it all started when both of them were slowly falling out of love, without even realizing it.
“should we hold on a bit more longer?” chanhee whispers as his voice cracks, tears filling up his eyes. he doesn’t want to let go. he has never loved someone as much as he loves sunwoo and the thought of breaking up with him never even crossed his mind.
sunwoo’s love is incomparable from his past relationships. it is different and distinct. it is being kissed by a soft breeze during a bad day. it is seeing a rainbow after a heavy rain. it is a warm cup of cocoa on a winter night. it is all of the good things.
“if you want to go, you can go,” the younger finally speaks, eyes glistening. he tries to look up to stop the tears from falling down, but he fails miserably when a single tear fell from his left eye, followed by the right one, and then they continued to flow until sunwoo had no control over them anymore.
his hands find their way on his hair and he pulls them hard, trying to convert the unimaginable pain he’s feeling inside into a physical one but to no avail, the pain stays, continuously pricking his heart with a thousand of needles.
chanhee looks over his shoulder and sees the younger. he hurriedly goes to him and removes sunwoo’s hands away from his head as he pulls him in for a gentle embrace. sunwoo hugs him even tighter.
sunwoo hopes chanhee would refuse, he hopes chanhee would stay with him despite having to go through these. he feels very selfish, but he still isn’t ready to let him go. not yet. maybe not ever.
sunwoo can feel it too. the inevitable change between the two of them. but he knows he can overcome those things because other stuff may be blurry, but one thing is and will always be clear. his love for chanhee.
“i’ll stay a bit more longer,“ chanhee manages to say in between his sobs. he pulls out from the hug and cups sunwoo’s face while he just cries harder, “we’ll be fine, alright? we’ll be fine, everything’s gonna be okay,” he mutters with so much resoluteness in his voice and places a soft kiss on sunwoo’s forehead. they stayed like that for a few seconds, both eyes closed, appreciating the intimacy of the moment, not knowing whether this will be the last one, or is just one of more to come.
sunwoo pulls chanhee in for a hug once more and places his head at the crook of chanhee’s neck.
chanhee feels the younger nod his head on his neck, he feels his skin be damp due to sunwoo’s tears.
chanhee isn’t sure if he’s making the right decision, he knows him leaving the relationship isn’t a far fetched thought. but he stays, he wants to make it work again, besides, love isn’t just about the good things. sometimes sunwoo’s love is having your sweat drip down all over due to the humidity during a nice day. sometimes it is just another heavy rain right after a heavy rain. sometimes it is not having cocoa, nor anything to make one feel warm on a winter night.
love will be enough to keep them going.
“i love you,” chanhee hears sunwoo let out. the older’s breathe hitches, as he closes his eyes and hugs him deeper when he realized that those three holy words didn’t make him feel the way he used to feel.
chanhee didn’t say it back. will love really be enough?