Chapter Text
Pentagram City, arguably one of the most sought out areas in terms of control, a constant whirlwind of discord and insanity. Many sinners choose to profit from the chaos, be it from trapping injured fighters in some form of debt, or recording the daily happenings for entertainment. It’s far from what is considered ordinary for screams of terror, as well as all sorts of fire and destruction to fill the streets.
One thing however, was quite out of the ordinary. Normally by noon, at the least, a certain airship would be soaring through the sky, led by an overzealous Victorian demon, ranting about how he’d someday rule Hell. As completely ridiculous as the idea sounded, he knew in his serpentine heart that he would one day accomplish his goal; after all, he quite literally had all the time in the world. And yet, despite his ever-growing determination, the snake was nowhere to be found.
Instead of wrecking his daily dose of ego-fueled havoc, the wannabe overlord was in his dedicated ‘super cool evil plan planning room’ slamming his head against the wall.
“Come on, boss!” the voice of an Eggboi cut in, like nails on a chalkboard to him, “it can’t be that hard, surely you had plenty of girls when you were alive.”
The snake eyed his minion, momentarily stopping the repetitive motion his head was in. A moment passed before the snake cried out,
“Number 93!”
Another egg lackey made his way into the room, tripping over his own feet every few seconds. Again the serpent allowed a moment to pass before making a sudden movement, grabbing Number 93 and hurling him with all of his might directly at the other egg. Both of their faces flipped from their natural expressions to a look resembling “Not this again”, before colliding and shattering.
“Doess anyone elsse have sssomething helpful to say? No? Then shut your mouthss! ” The eggs were fairly used to this behaviour by now, because despite their master being multiple centuries in age, his maturity was more on par with that of a grade schooler.
“Could I offer some advice, boss?” The snake turned toward the owner of the voice, Eggboi number 42, definitely one of the less useless eggbois, in his opinion.
“ Ssuuure. Go ahead, if you think it’ss ssooo eassy!” Pentious said to his minion.
“According to Internet Explorer, when she was alive, guys would just ask them to go on a date.” the egg replied smugly.
“I’m aware of that you blunderbussss! The quesstion is how! ” The snake screamed to his egg minion, “I mean, it’ss not as though she has a fan that I can read, or a family I can show off to, asside from that wretched radio demon of coursse, but either way, I have no clue how to court a girl from her time.'' Pentious was mildly embarrassed due to the brief moment of vulnerability shown to his Eggbois. It actually could have been portrayed as a sweet moment if a regular trouble maker, Number 69 (noice) hadn’t opened his sarcastic mouth, “But I thought you were “Totally hip and cool”!” The shy look on the serpent quickly morphed into a glare before reaching out for the nearest tool and chucking it right between the Eggboi’s eyes.
“ Ahem,” Number 42 cleared his throat, once again catching his master's attention, “according to Internet Explorer, men from her time would literally walk up and ask the girl.”
“That’sss completely ridiculousss - to do such a thing to lady Niffty would be an inssult to her honor.” All of the eggbois in the room groaned at their headstrong master, simultaneously realizing that they would likely be there for a while. “Perhapsss I could make all of you construct a grand art piece in her image for all to see.” The snake appeared to be happy with the plan and immediately began slithering towards his desk to begin plotting before being interrupted once again,
“Um, boss?” Number 42 questioned, “do you think there’s a place that would be safe enough to keep standing? Or a place safe enough for us to even build it?”
“Are you quessstioning me, Number 42? You should know by now that my planss always work out. Beessidesss, very few would dare to dessstroy a monument consstructed for the ssake of…” Sir Pentious began, only to be brought back to the reality of where he was. “Blazes you’re right, damn it! I sssuposse being in literal Hell does ruin that idea.” With a sigh, the snake made his way back to the wall he was previously standing in front of, readying himself to begin the motion of hitting his head against the wall…again. Most of the Eggbois were considering letting him be, but then Number 21 spoke up,
“Well, what are some things that she likes?” The serpent momentarily paused, his forehead bruise just waiting to happen, and thought about the answer to himself. Surprisingly, despite practically stalking her, he didn’t really know all that much about her; mainly her former life, or her interests. Her sweet and adorable nature is what drew him to Niffty, and over the short amount of time he’s known of her his infatuation had only grown, but nearly every time he watched her she was doing some form of housework. Cleaning, cooking etc, and because of this reason he really didn't know what she enjoyed.
“Huzzah,” the snake cried out with a growing smile, “The reassson I lack a clear underssstanding of her hobbiesss, is due to her never being able to expresss them!”
“So you’re gonna ask her what she likes Boss?” Number 42 asked with hope filling in his eyes.
“What? Heavensss no! I never sssee her in her leisssure time, ssimply becausssse she hasss no leissure time,” Pentious began, “sssso, I’ll have you sssimpletonsss do all of her work for her! Yes! I am a geniusss!” Everyone, aside for Sir Pentious in that moment, groaned in pure frustration. A few, namely Number 42, seriously considered taking his master’s place banging his head against the poor wall.
“Uh Boss?” Number 21 started carefully, as to not trigger the short-tempered demon.
“What now? Thisss plan iss flawlesss! You’re jusst too lazy to clean that blasted Hotel, aren’t you?” The snake retorted.
“Um, well, doesn’t she like cleaning? I don’t really think taking that away from her will help.” Number 21 said, while bracing himself for some sort of impact.
“I-but-AAARRRGG! WELL I CAN”T JUSST GIVE HER A BROOM!!! I GIVE UP! IF I CAN”T THINK OF A SSSINGLE WAY TO SHOW MY INTERESST IN LADY NIFFTY, THAN I SSUPOSSE I DON’T DESSSERVE HER!!” Sir Pentious roared. A moment of silence passed in the room. And then another. It was clear that Pentious was holding back tears, but not one Eggboi dared to step towards him. That is, until Number 42.
“Hey it’s okay Boss, I happen to think you’re swell! We’ll keep trying, I know we can come up with something!” He said, while giving him a hug. Normally such an action would warrant, at the very least, a good whack, but Pentious decided to maybe, just this once, let it go. It was a rare moment of vulnerability shown by the snake, and he even smiled to his minion before becoming entangled in a giant egg-snake group hug.
“Once thiss iss over you will all be my breakfasst…” The snake said with his eyes closed, gripping his Eggbois as tightly as he could without breaking them, only for all of them to reply with a snarky,
“We know.”