Chapter Text
(Monday, PM)
(4:07) oMG gus, meet me @ the movies they are having a star wars marathon!!
(4:07) dont worry about work. for now just remember: ur mom is sick and so is ur cat.
(4:08) ur cats name is pickles. mrs pickles specifically
(4:09) You have the wrong number, and you’re interfering with police work. Stop texting me. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:09) carlton lassiter? gus if ur going to do a bit u rly need to work on ur name selection. dont be such a sour lemon. and police work? what kind of backstory did you create? grumpy and boring. c-
(4:10) I am the Head Detective of the Santa Barbara police department, and if you don’t stop texting, I will personally have your number traced and arrest you for hindering a police investigation. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:11) wow buddy. i was wrong ur bit is actually not bad bumps u up to a b- a whole letter grade, it is dragging on a bit though. hurry up and get here dont forget the cuatro quesos dos fritos.
(4:12) This is not a “bit”. I am Head Detective Carlton Lassiter, and I am in the middle of a stake out. I would stop texting you entirely if I wasn’t unsure that you would continue texting under some delusion that I am your friend or someone who even wants to text you. Stop texting me. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:14) wow, harsh carly. my apologies det.
(4:16) It’s Carlton. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:16) i thought I was hindering a police investigation ? question: do I still get put in handcuffs if ur the one who keeps this conversation going? bcuz my skin bruises easily
(4:17) No-I was just. Nevermind. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:17) alrite but now ur interrupting my movie.
(4:25) so how is that stake out coming along?
~*~
(4:27) There’s no one here. The Chief said we can leave.
(4:29) Carlton, we can leave. Let’s go get something to eat, we’ve been out here since noon.
(4:31) I’ll leave without you.
(4:35) … I’m leaving.
(4:37) Why aren’t you texting me back? You always text back right away. Usually you’re scary punctual.
(4:37) Wow, Chatty Cathy. What are you, my mother? —Carlton Lassiter
(4:38) Ouch. Are you okay? I thought you’d be happy we could finally leave??
(4:40) … Are you texting and driving? —Carlton Lassiter
(4:41) No. Don’t change the subject. What is up with you?
(4:41) Nothing is up with me. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:42) We’re both detectives here. Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or are you going to keep trying to avoid this until I cite all the ways that I can tell something is up?
(4:42) That was a rhetorical question, Carlton.
(4:44) I was texting somebody. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:44) You were texting somebody.
(4:45) Yes, O’Hara, I was texting somebody. It’s a form of social media all the criminals are into nowadays. And I text more people than just you, you know. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:45) Wow, defensive. Carlton, are you sure you’re okay?
(4:46) I’m fine. Are you headed over here? —Carlton Lassiter
(4:47) Yeah, I’m just doing a quick perimeter check. Be there in two minutes.
(4:47) … who are you texting, btw?
(4:48) Mind your own busi—he just texted back. This is getting ridiculous. I have to go, O’Hara. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:52) He?
~*~
(4:25) I’d be able to pay better attention to the stake out if you stopped texting me. —Carlton Lassiter.
(4:26) but I had stopped txtn u for lyk two whole mins carly. ur the one who txtd me again. you started this.
(4:27) It’s Carlton. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:27) And I did not start this. You know what? I don’t have time to argue with you. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:29) believe me i no ur name is Carlton, u have it as a signature. and really? a txt signature?? that is so two yrs ago. at least have a cool signature lyk senor pantalones de fuego.
(4:29) get it? because ur a liar. u are at a stake out carly u have nothing but time.
(4:32) r u going to ignore me now? as head det arent u a lil more mature than that?
(4:35) My partner just texted me. The stake out is over. Not that it’s your business, random stranger. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:36) c u say “random” but we have been txtn for almost 30 mins. carly u cant deny our connection any longer.
(4:36) and my name is Shawn btw
(4:38) I can say that, if I “know you”, you are officially one of the most annoying people I have ever met, and I’d like to terminate our acquaintance. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:40) u say that but u dont mean it (; gus is here now. also the offer to come c the star wars movies still stands carly
(4:42) Asking you to call me by my name won’t work will it? — Carlton Lassiter
(4:42) How do you have a friend who puts up with this? —Carlton Lassiter
(4:43) ouch carly u r rly going for the heart arent u?? and ignoring my winky emoticon :(
(4:44) The heart? I doubt the opinion of a stranger is affecting your “heart”. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:45) i happen to have a soft spot for grumpy and rude det who treat me w/ disdain. u and my dad would get along famously
(4:45) That sounded like an insult. —Carlton Lassiter
(4:46) it was. and don’t take this as an insult but take off ur signature grandpa. ur takin me back to the stone age.
(4:47) Grandpa? I’m only thirty five. It probably seems like ages to you, considering you act like a twelve year old.
(4:47) (Are you happy? I took off the signature).
(4:48) i am only five or so yrs younger than u. except i no how to have fun while ur a grumpy det on a stake out
(4:49) (and yes thank u that signature was hurting my sensibilities)
(4:50) Five years younger? I’d guess twenty considering the way you text. And the stake out’s over remember?
(4:50) What sensibilities? I can’t. Why am I still texting you? You’re ridiculous. Goodbye, Shawn.
(4:51) if the stake out’s over come watch star wars. gus bought enough popcorn to make even a grumpy det lyk u feel better.
(4:52) u called me shawn. not a “random” stranger anymore c?
(4:54) i have very delicate sensibilities which are getting hurt rite now :(
(5:02) bye carlton.