Chapter Text
Michael stood with his back against his locker, his friends surrounding him in a circle. He didn't really notice them as all he could concentrate on was breathing. In. Out. In. Out. The crowd bustling down the corridor was overwhelming even though his friends created a barrier of defence. Everything seemed to be closing in, tightening his throat and making his heart beat faster. He felt his hands start to sweat and his thoughts turn to sinister ones.
“Gotta take a leak.” He excused himself and walked quickly to the nearest bathroom, attempting not to run there. He could feel Ray and Geoff's eyes boring into the back of his head with concern. They thought that Michael had seemed much more nervous and on edge recently and he always seemed to be going to the bathroom which they were sure was not the result of a weak bladder. They turned back to the rest of the group, looking at each other, both asking the same question through furrowed eyebrows.
Michael found his way to the bathroom in 37 seconds (he counted) and checked to see if any of the stalls were occupied. Nobody. Thank god, he thought, still struggling to breathe. He could feel the tears well up in his eyes as he opened a stall door, locked it and sat on the toilet seat. He needed to stop crying at school. What would it do to his image? He was supposed to be Michael Jones, the confident, loud-mouthed, terrifying bear that people either feared or loved. How would they react if they saw him now? Sweat dripping form his forehead and tears falling from his nose to the dirty floor. He sniffed loudly and tried to conceal a threatening sob which just resulted in weird noises and more tears.
Just as he was counting to 100 to slow down his breathing (he reached 42), the bathroom door creaked open. Michael sat paralysed but his breathing was too heavy for anyone to ignore. The other male spoke with a heavily accented and gentle voice.
“Sorry, um excuse me. Are you okay? I saw you rush in here a few minutes ago, and you seemed flustered. I just wanted to check that you were all right,” he trailed off.
“Leave me alone.” Michael said, attempting to sound aggressive but it just ended up sounding sad and distant.
“Well I can't do that now. You sound upset. I'm Gavin Free by the way. I just moved here, started today actually. It seems pretty top here. Who are you?”
“Michael Jones,” he grumbled.
“It's nice to meet you. I would shake your hand but there seems to be a door in the way.” Michael could hear Gavin's infectious smile in his voice, as if he were incredibly proud of the joke he just made.
Michael's breathing had slowed but he was still sweating and could still feel tears glistening his eyes.
“Why are you talking to me?” He didn't mean for it to sound so rude but it seemed like the best delivery option.
Honestly, Michael was scared of anyone finding out about his torment in the bathroom but talking to Gavin right now seemed so easy. No, Michael thought. He couldn't trust that easily again.
“Like I said, I saw you walking pretty quickly and you seemed upset. I just wanted to help... I don't like seeing people sad.” A childish manner entered Gavin's voice. “Are you gonna come out of there at all? I'm not trying to push you or anything! I just..” he trailed off, unsure of what he really wanted.
Michael stood slowly, feeling his legs almost give way but he kept his balance and wiped the tears away from his face before unlocking the door. He opened it slightly and peered through a small crack he created. He saw the British boy he had been talking to and was happily surprised to see that he was scrawny and didn't appear to be much of a threat. However, instead of someone Michael could square up to, Gavin seemed very attractive and almost compelling. His large nose was slightly distracting but it worked well on his face while his unkempt hair looked like he'd literally just woken up and judging by his 5 o'clock shadow, he probably had. He looked a mess but an intentional, adorable mess.
Michael stepped out of the stall and stood facing Gavin. They stared at each other for what seemed to be the longest time ever; just taking each other in. Michael saw himself in the mirror behind Gavin and barely recognised himself. His red curls were stuck to his head and his face shined from every direction. Finally, he broke the silence.
“Sorry, I don't usually look like this.” Michael looked down at his feet as Gavin suddenly realised he was in real life and snapped out of his trance. He took a step towards Michael, considering the fact that they were basically standing on opposite sides of the bathroom. Michael didn't flinch but felt the pressure build as Gavin moved closer.
“Don't worry, I think you look all right. Maybe a bit sweaty though.” Gavin reached into a stall, pulled off some tissue and handed it to Michael. With his arm outstretched, Michael noticed his beautiful arms and the way his perfect blue veins showed on his skin. He hesitantly took the tissue and wiped his forehead and under his eyes, hoping to wipe away the dark circles too but unsurprisingly failing. He was just so tired all the time. He messed up his hair so that it looked as if it hadn't been glued to his face a few seconds ago.He reached into his bag, grabbed his beanie and shoved it onto his head. Much better, he thought.
“Thanks.” He couldn't look into Gavin's eyes for fear of embarrassment but he meant his words sincerely.
“No problem boi. So why are you in here anyway? Did something happen? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.” Gavin spoke incredibly quickly while asking too many questions and he knew it but Michael ended up laughing. He couldn't quite believe that he went from crying his eyes out, panicking about every little thing, and here he was now, laughing with a totally random (adorable) guy.
“I don't really know. I can't deal with big crowds I guess and it just freaked me out. It doesn't usually happen.” That was a lie but he didn't want to worry Gavin.
He wasn't sure why he was opening up like this, but it seemed so easy here with Gavin Free. Like you were standing on top of the world with euphoria. But Michael also knew that this would be a bad idea in the long run. He couldn't really trust Gavin, could he? He'd only just met the guy! What if he told the entire school that he saw Michael 'Mogar' Jones crying in the bathroom. No way could he let that happen.
“I get like too sometimes, but maybe not to the extent that you do. But hey, don't worry about it, they're just people out there.”
Michael could feel his thoughts turn sinister and think of all the bad things that could happen. Things that were probably unlikely to happen but there was always that 'what if'. He couldn't bare to think of himself as the joke of the school, especially allowing that to be spread by the new British guy.
Michael stared at Gavin, apologising to him through their glances. He didn't want to get angry at Gavin (especially since he hadn't done anything) but he couldn't risk it either. He couldn't risk opening up and getting shut down.
“Yeah..” Michael trailed off. “Look, can you just leave me alone now?” He tried to stay calm but he could feel the aggression rising in his throat.
“I thought we were getting along.”
“Well you thought wrong. Get out of my face.” Michael spoke louder this time as he took a step toward Gavin.
“I was just trying to help..” Gavin lost his voice toward the end of his sentence.
“Get out!” Michael got incredibly close to shouting.
“But Mich-”
“GO!” This time the scream came, and with it came angry tears.
Gavin turned incredibly quickly and rushed out of the door, almost hitting his nose on it as he pushed it open.
Michael spun quickly into the stall and started crying once again until the bell for 1st period went.
***
Lunch came around and Michael was happy to be seeing his friends after the bathroom incident. His classes had bored him to the point of no return so it was going to be nice to just chat and be able to stop thinking so much.
Michael walked into the cafeteria, grabbed a tray, some food and walked round the edge of the room to where he and his friends usually sat. Turning the corner, he noticed Geoff, Ray, Jack, Ryan and someone else. Michael literally stood in shock, unsure of what to do. He tried to step backwards to go eat his lunch in the library but Ray saw him and waved him over. Dammit.
Michael walked towards the table and sat down. Everybody greeted him.
“Hey Michael,” Ray started, “this is Gavin. He's just started today but he's actually kind of cool.”
“Cool as dicks,” Geoff spat, reinforcing Ray's point.
“Yeah, and he loves video games too. Anyway, he should be telling you this, not me.” Ray turned to Gavin, letting him continue but Gavin just looked at his tray, shooting a sideways glance at Michael.
“Okay...” Jack said, confused. “Well now we've all been introduced, let's stop acting like morons and discuss Destiny.”
“It's alright,” Ray automatically replied, “not great but mediocre.”
Everyone began to chat about anything they could think. They discussed video games, movies, parties, relationships and video games. However, all Michael and Gavin could do was look at each other. They both tried to join in the conversation but always ended up seeing the other looking at them. The glances weren't full of malice or hatred, but loss and longing. They had known each other for 10 minutes but they both knew that they had lost what could have been an amazing friendship.