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If you had asked Wei Wuxian thirteen years ago if he would have a family of his own, he would've laughed in your face, waving the thought off with his hand. He was the black sheep of the cultivation world, the scapegoat for everything that went wrong, reviled by everyone. Nobody could want him. Nobody would dare put their reputation on the line or sully their hands with him.
Sitting amongst the barren land of the Burial Mounds where the wind rattled with the screams of the dead, he was reminded of the family he had lost: his adopted parents, who's blood bathed the floors of Lotus Pier as it all turned to soot and ashes; his shidi, who he had sworn to serve, who he broke his promise to serve. His shijie who missed him dearly, a new life growing in her.
He imagined her beauty, hair drawn up in intricate braids, a soft smile on her red lips. He envisioned her rubbing her belly, gesturing for him to come and feel the baby kick. He could see her clear as day, beckoning him forward with purple robes hanging daintily over her swollen abdomen. Her smile is bright and welcoming, a sun rising over the valley. He reached out with his unoccupied hand and his touch met empty air, the vision of her abruptly vanishing. He felt his heart tighten and ache with grief. He had lost his family through his choices, choices he had to make, but it hurt nonetheless. He had to control those feelings so the resentful energy wouldn't crawl in his veins and swallow him whole.
He was in control.
He had to always be in control.
The weight of a child in his arms brought Wei Wuxian back to reality, shallow breaths puffing against the back of his neck as tiny hands pulled him closer for warmth. He rocked the child back and forth, shielding the tiny body in his arms from the cold while humming a familiar tune, one that was gentle and flowing, almost lulling both of them to sleep. The tune was familiar, gentle and flowing, almost soothing both of them to sleep. It was a song that told of stolen liquor and endless youth, one that was composed in a dark cave surrounded by pain.
A-Yuan had been having troubles sleeping since arriving at the Burial Mounds. The resentful energy mixed with his existing trauma, poisoning his dreams. When he would wake up screaming, often calling out for his parents, he'd only want the arms of Wei Wuxian to drift back to sleep. He'd taken a liking to Wei Wuxian, wanting to follow him around everywhere and cling to his leg. He laughed and played despite their situation, begging We Wuxian to bury him in loose soil again and again to grow siblings.
During the day he was a happy child.
But at night, when the darkness felt like a suffocating fog, the suffering creeped in.
Wei Wuxian gently brushed the hair away from A-Yuan’s sleeping face. This was not a place for a child; this was a place of death, of misery and suffering. But he had to, if it meant that he could keep the Wens safe, keep A-Yuan safe, he would build homes out of the dead, bringing life back into an empty land. He had to.
He would attempt the impossible - do the impossible - to keep them safe.
Watching the child’s bright smile and devoted eyes, Wei Wuxian wanted nothing more than to tuck him away in a happy place where the horrors of the world would never touch him. He, himself, had already seen too much.
A warmth grew in his chest whenever he saw a bright smile grace A-Yuan's face. The child was something meaningful to him, a purpose, a comfort. He was a reminder that he was not alone, and he filled the ache that was left behind when his life was ripped out from underneath him. He knew A-Yuan was his new family; he needed to protect him at all cost.
Something about that kept him going, kept him convinced this was the right decision.
This was the right thing to do.
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He died.
He died and his soul was adrift for years, his body having cracked and shattered into resentful energy, dissipating quickly with the wind.
There was no passage of time, no thoughts, just a big, black gaping hole that swallowed every consciousness that entered it.
Then, he heard it.
Breaking through the wall of suppression was a faint sound of a guqin, its notes high and piercing, almost as if it was a call to awaken. He recognized that song… didn’t he?
It was the song of inquiry.
It sounded desperate, a blast of spiritual energy pouring into it, reaching as far back into death as it could and grasping for something buried in the abyss.
Wei Wuxian's soul responded, trying to reach through the suffocating darkness to the tendrils of light. He fell short and the window suddenly closed, the light being swallowed up again. His chance slipped away.
It repeated like that, over and over. Someone was looking for him, just out of his reach.
Who was it?
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The other half of his family he didn't find until much later. He was blind, oh so blind. He didn't think anyone could love such a fucked up person as himself, that he was even worthy of anyone's love.
Lan Zhan was looking for him.
Lan Zhan was waiting.
Lan Zhan wanted nothing more than to be his.
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"Lan Zhan, check these out!"
He was browsing a modest shop in a busy street, looking at tiny wooden rabbit figurines. "Aren't they cute?" He gestured with his finger to the row strewn about on the cracked, wooden table of the shop. They were always picking up little knick-knacks on nighthunts, little mementos of the places they had been and of the people they had helped. Such seemingly frivolous objects truly meant a great deal to the couple.
"Mn." Lan Wangji's face was glowing softly from the lanterns, cheekbones highlighted. His face showed signs of age, the area around the corner of each eye crinkling with fine lines when he smiled through them. Nevertheless, he was beautiful. Wei Wuxian was sure he wasn't born of this earth, that he must be some otherworldly creature gracing the world with his presence. Wei Wuxian felt that he did not deserve him - did not deserve Lan Wangji's love and unwavering devotion.
However, the faint smile on Lan Wangji's face, edges of his mouth slightly upturned with a warm glow in his eyes, made him want to kiss his husband right there in public surrounded by all the patrons, scattered about, looking at brightly colored shops. He wanted to show everyone his family; he wanted to show them how happy he finally was, to shout to the gods in rejoice for what he had gained, but, instead, settled for picking out a figurine to buy with his husband, their fingers laced together under their sleeves.
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Lan Sizhui joined them the next day, at the inn, after Wei Wuxian crawled out of bed and was dressed by Lan Wangji, still in a haze of sleep.
Bright and early he stood at their door, forehead ribbon straight with his robes and hair immaculate too. His son, his little A-Yuan, had grown into a handsome man, one that was raised by his dear husband.
He was smart, kind, gentle, patient, and loving. He was raised well, having good virtue and everything Wei Wuxian hoped he would be. Guilt sparked in his chest at the thought of how he wasn't there to raise him. He was forever grateful for Lan Wangji for doing so in his stead.
The day started like any other day, another case, another client. The three of them stood in front of the client discussing the details of the case.
"We will be sure to help you the best we can, Zhanglao," Lan Sizhui said with a deep bow, tone gentle. He was truly the pinnacle of a young gentleman. He knew pride swelled in Lan Wangji's chest every time he saw how exemplary he was compared to the other Lan disciples.
The case was straightforward, another typical occurrence of grave robbers enraging the dead and causing havoc to the locals, this time specifically a local winery. Wei Wuxian's head was still slow from sleep and he tried his best to stifle a yawn threatening to emerge. Waking up at such an hour could count as torture, but he wouldn't miss it for anything when his two most favorite people in the world were present. Most cultivators would turn a blindeye from such an easy and mundane case, but not him and his husband.
Wherever someone needed help they were always there.
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Meeting back at the gates of the town upon a successful close to the case, Wei Wuxian called Lan Sizhui over from packing his stuff onto the back of Lil'Apple. Lil'Apple's tail swished in annoyance at the extended period of standing, stamping her hoof as if wanting to go and shifting her weight from side to side.
When Lan Sizhui approached, Wei Wuxian reached out to put both hands atop his shoulders. Lan Wangji briefly peered up from his own task, eyes softening at the exchange.
Without warning, Wei Wuxian reached over and pecked Lan Sizhui on the top of his head at the seam of his hairline, ruffling his hair with his hand. Such affections were frowned upon for parents and adult children in the Cloud Recesses, ceasing when adulthood is reached, but Wei Wuxian always indulged in the affection he could not give Lan Sizhui growing up.Lan Wangji never objected either, often watching with a soft look in his eye at the rare moments.
"Dad," he spoke softly, the name he called Wei Wuxian. "Father" was reserved for Lan Wangji, both said in secret between the three of them.
"You did good today, kid," Wei Wuxian said with a bright smile, raising his hand up to ruffle his hair again. Lan Sizhui reached up in vain to stop him, causing Wei Wuxian to respond in kind with an amused chuckle.
They headed back to Gusu to complete their report of the case, Wei Wuxian sitting atop Lil'Apple, who begrudgingly moved only when Lan Wangji took the reins. She snorted softly in protest, but allowed herself to be lead along - as long as a promise of juicy apples was there!
"Our little one has grown into a big one," Wei Wuxian chuckled under his breath.
Lan Wangji pretended to be none the wiser to Wei Wuxian’s mumbling. His ears blushed red, hoping that it was hidden enough from Wei Wuxian's gaze. A small smile still graced his mouth.
Wei Wuxian remembered when he had uttered similar words, fantasizing about what could be. He reached into his robe and felt the outline of the wooden rabbit figurine they had purchased earlier and smiled.
Their A-Yuan was no longer a little one, having grown into a fine young man. It didn't matter though. His family was complete. He had longed for what seemed like eons to have this He had wasted too much time, but he knew now to savor what he had, to cling to it with his whole being and never take it for granted again - the lulling sway of Lil'Apple walking beneath him, his husband dutifully holding the reins, and his grown child chattering by his side, enthralled with the case they just solved. He sighed in contentment.
This was home.
This was his family.