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Ricky began to notice Nini’s spark fading a few weeks ago. At first, he chalked it up to stress about college admission decisions coming out soon, but after they started hearing back from schools, he just saw it fade more. His normally joyful and spunky girlfriend was still that to people on the outside, but he could see past the facade she was putting up.
He asked her about it casually one day as he drove her home from school, but she brushed him off, attributing it to being tired after staying up late working on homework for the last several nights. He let it slide, hoping that homecoming coming up at the end of the week would bring some light back to her eyes.
Nini surprised everyone, most of all herself, by winning Homecoming Queen that Friday night. For that moment, Ricky saw the sparkle return to her eyes as he cheered her on from the snack table alongside Kourtney, Gina, Red, and the rest of their friends. She was wearing a stunning emerald green & gold dress that spun around her perfectly when she twirled on the dance floor.
Jake Sanders won king and that wasn’t a surprise to anyone; he was the football quarterback and resident heartbreaker at East High. A ping of jealousy bubbled in Ricky’s stomach for a brief second, but disappeared when she ran straight for him after being crowned. He peppered her face with kisses as he congratulated her, their friends gushing over her new title simultaneously.
It was when she was talking to the girls that he saw her face fall. He followed her eyes and saw a group of EHS cheerleaders whispering to each other while looking at Nini. It was painfully obvious they were talking about her, more than likely whining about how she won queen while one of them didn’t. Or maybe they were complaining about Nini getting to dance with Jake and how they wish it was them. Probably both, though.
He moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her shoulder. She turned her head to look up at him and gave him the softest smile, doing her best to hide the hurt that had returned to her eyes.
“Wanna get out of here?” He asked, jerking his head towards the door.
She nodded and turned to face their friends. “Hey guys, I think Ricky and I are gonna head out. See you tomorrow?”
A chorus of “see you later!” and “yes!” sounded from the group. The couple went to collect their things from the coat check station before heading out to Ricky’s car. Once they climbed in, he started it, but didn’t make a move to leave the school parking lot.
Nini looked over at him knowing what was about to come out of his mouth and decided to beat him to the punch. “You don’t even have to say anything. I’m alright. Those girls think their worth lies in a plastic crown and they are just jealous.”
Ricky reached for her hand, bringing it up to his mouth for a quick peck. “Baby, I know you. Something else is wrong, it has been for weeks.” He watched her head drop and her other hand start to fidget. “Nini, talk to me.” He says gently.
She took a deep breath and looked at him, letting tears fall from her eyes. He wanted nothing more than to wipe them away, but he also wanted her to know that it was okay to cry in front of him. He squeezed her hand three times, their silent way of saying “I love you”, but also as encouragement to share what was going on in her mind.
“My moms are fighting, and it’s bad.” She said with a sob, Ricky’s heart breaking as she spoke. “It is a constant bicker between them, and most of the time it’s about my future. Momma D wants to move wherever I end up going to school, Momma C doesn’t even want to talk about it, says she wants to stay here and that they need to let me ‘fly on my own’ as she calls it.” She said using air quotation marks. “That’s only one argument too, they’ve been having problems for months. There’s a whole laundry list of conflict points they’ve taken to their therapist, who is definitely not helping.”
Ricky reached over to wipe her tears, not being able to help himself any longer. “Neens, why haven’t you talked to me about this stuff? You know me of all people would understand.”
“I guess I just didn’t want to burden you with even more parental drama?” She questions herself. “Like that you were still working through your parents divorce being finalized and I didn’t want to make it any harder on you.”
He leaned over and pressed his lips to her temple, then rested his forehead against hers as he whispered, “You or anything going on with you are never a burden to me.”
They ended up driving to the cliff overlooking downtown Salt Lake, turning on Nini’s love songs playlist and dancing until their feet could barely hold them up any longer. When he dropped her back off at home, he could see pain and dread in her eyes. “Call me if you want to escape, I’ll be here in 6 minutes.” He said kissing her shoulder and then her lips. She nodded, whispered a meek “I love you”, and got out of his car.
//
Monday came sooner than any high schooler would ever want it to. Ricky was now shutting his locker, preparing to head to after school rehearsal for the fall musical. The majority of East High students had already left, the lingering few a part of clubs that had meetings or sports teams that had practice. On his walk to the bomb shelter, Ricky passed a group of cheerleaders that were huddled over a phone, likely gossiping about something someone posted online.
When he got to the bomb shelter, the rest of the theatre kids were already there and running lines. He smiled at Nini when he caught her eye, but decided not to interrupt her and Ashlyn as they practiced. Nini smiled back, but it wasn’t one that reached her eyes. They were putting on Grease, she was Sandy and he was Danny, and they were three weeks out from opening night. Tech week was next week, and the stress of everything was starting to creep in.
Nini had told him at the beginning of the semester that this had to be the best performance she had ever given, “because you never knew what drama school or music program representatives would be in the audience”. She had committed herself to being off book by the start of the second week of rehearsals, was doing extra voice lessons with her vocal coach, and had a standing appointment with Carlos every Wednesday after rehearsal to drill choreography. The pressure she was putting on herself was next level, but she never let up. She especially never let anyone see the effect it was starting to have on her.
Three hours later when the last scene of the show was finally blocked and choreographed, they called it quits for the night. Ricky picked up his bag from the chair he tossed it in earlier and pulled his phone out. He scrolled through the messages from his dad about dinner as he walked over to Nini who also had her head buried in her phone.
“Hey babe, dad told me I’m on my own for dinner tonight. Do you want to-- Nini, what’s wrong?” He asked her, interrupting himself when she turned to face him with tears welling up in her eyes. She shook her head as they began to fall and he dropped his backpack and rushed to embrace her. Burying her head in his chest, her sobs shook her body.
“I need to get out of here.” She managed to choke out. Knowing something had to be seriously wrong for her to be this upset, he ushered her out of the auditorium and out to his car.
“Neens, what is going on?” He asked, rubbing her back as he opened the car door for her. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and handed it to him. He looked at her confused but typed in her passcode, her phone opening to her latest instagram post from homecoming.
Scrolling down to the comments, he saw the usernames of the cheerleaders he saw huddled together earlier that afternoon next to comments that were less than kind. He also saw another notification for a new comment on one of her songs. When he clicked on it, his heart broke even more.
“Oh, baby.” He said sympathetically as anger towards the people leaving hateful comments began to boil deep inside him. He engulfed her in his arms once again, rested his cheek on top of her head, and held her for a few minutes as she cried. He wanted to say that it was alright, to do what he could to console her, But his own tears got in the way, and they both knew that it wasn’t okay.
Bullying of any kind was never okay.
//
They went through the ramen house’s drive through on the way to his house, picking up dinner to go but knew the likelihood of them actually eating it was slim. Sitting down in the living room in front of TV trays of food, Ricky leaned over to pull her in his lap. She curled into his chest, her tear stained cheeks pressed into his neck.
“Nini, you are beautiful and kind and loving and talented beyond belief. And what those girls commented cuts deep, but it is a reflection of their character and not of you. What they said was not true and I know it, our friends know it, your moms know it, hell the whole world knows it.” Ricky stated confidently, Nini nodding into his chest.
“I know that.” She whispered.
“I don’t want you to push your feelings to the side anymore and put up a front that everything is okay. You can sweep things under the rug to make it look pretty, but that doesn't mean it’s a clean house. No one’s house is spotless and no one expects for others to be, you know?” He continued on.
The two stayed on the couch the rest of the night talking about what Nini’s plan to deal with the mean girls was, how she was doing with the tension in her moms’ relationship, and how she could relieve some stress from the musical.
At the end of the night, Nini was definitely in a better place than before they got to Ricky’s house, but he couldn’t help but see the dullness in her eyes get darker and darker. He knew he needed to communicate what he was trying to say in another way.
So after he dropped her off at her house, he went straight for his journal and his guitar, knowing that the language they knew the best would be the best way for her to hear what he was trying to tell her.
//
The next morning, Ricky woke up early, got ready, and went to Nini’s favorite cafe downtown to get her a cranberry orange scone and an oat milk latte for breakfast. Driving back across town, he pulled into her driveway and let himself in the door, knowing that Dana and Carol had already left for work. He knocked on her bedroom door before kicking it open with his foot, his hands carrying their breakfast and his guitar.
“Ricky, you’re early! What are you doing?” She exclaimed, jumping in surprise. She was seated at her vanity finishing up her makeup, still in her PJs from the night before. He set his guitar down at her feet before putting their breakfast in front of her.
“I thought it would be fun to have breakfast together before school.” He smiled, kissing her cheek good morning.
“So you went all the way to Bakers? And why do you have your guitar?” She quizzed him while opening up the bag containing their pastries.
Ricky looked back at his guitar, suddenly questioning if this was a good idea or not. “I uh, may have written you a song.” He smiled sheepishly. Nini turned around from her vanity and looked at him with the widest eyes.
“Oh, really?”
He pulled out his guitar, knowing that if he stalled any longer this would all be counterproductive. “Yeah, so, here we go.” He takes a deep breath and begins to strum.
“Hey homecoming queen,” He began to sing.
One of Nini’s favorite things in the world, is the message of a song. Sometimes, it can be so silly, but most of the time, it’s a deep and personal story that the songwriter bravely chooses to share with others. Another one of her favorite things is her boyfriend’s voice.
So she loses herself in his voice and the lyrics, not even realizing the tears that begin to stream down her face.
“Where do you hide?” He strummed the last chord, holding the note for as long as his voice allowed him to before a tiny brunette slammed into his guitar and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Thank you.” She whispered, her tears falling harder now and starting to land on his shirt.
He took off his guitar and leaned it against her bed, freeing his arms to wrap around her waist. “Did it click?” He asked carefully. She nodded fervently, knowing that he understood she was as okay as she possibly could be given what was going on in her world.
She knew that it was okay to let people in and see the messiest parts of herself. She knew that Ricky would always be there for her, just like she is always there for him. She knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, even if she couldn’t see it sometimes.
“You made me cry!” She playfully said, laughing through her tears.
“And see, the sky’s not falling!” He said, kissing the top of her head.