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Sometimes he dares to wonder how he ends up in situations like this, only to end up slapping himself because really, he knows he dragged himself into an uncomfortable and not-so nicely surprising life, and he was mostly the only one to blame for his position. However, it was easier to blame the other part, of course. Chuuya should’ve known better by now, and never take seriously a word that comes out of the brunet’s mouth.
He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose with one of his gloved hands.
“Really you shitty dumbfuck, what the fuck?” The redheaded repeats, his tone wandering between threatening and tired.
When he got out of bed this morning, he didn’t think he would end up at the Armed Detective Agency with a copy of his birth certificate—not really a birth certificate but a certificate of his existence, courtesy of the bitch in glasses—and the document that endorses his marriage thinking that there might be problems due to his position in the Port Mafia, just to find that there is indeed a problem with one of the forms of his spouse’s insurance. And it has nothing to do with his job or his lack of evidence of humanity.
“Did he really write that?” Atsushi asks, and Chuuya contains himself on kicking the kid, but only because he’s aware that said kid is just that—an innocent kid that still believes in his mentor.
“Well, this is Chibi’s fault for never showing me his birth certificate!” Chuuya’s next victim whines while throwing his arms in the air. “I would’ve never thought his name wasn’t ‘ Small Petit Mafia the Second ’”
Chuuya just glares at his husband, trying to not snap his neck right there.
“We can submit an application to change it, don’t worry, Nakahara-san!” The man out of the weird siblings says with an apologetic smile.
“I wonder why you didn’t double-check the files before Dazai submitted them, though.” Yosano says, and Chuuya is sure he would’ve snapped at her if she wasn’t such a good drink partner.
“I made a mistake that you bet your ass I won’t make again.” He answers slowly, making sure to spit out the poison directly at the waste of bandages in front of him. “You just had one job.”
“Which I must admit I pulled off inconveniently.” Dazai grins playfully, his body playing with his chair turning it slowly as he speaks. “Am I the greatest husband of all times or what?”
That’s what sends Chuuya towards the end, just so his hand is gripping his husband’s neck tightly.
Kunikida chokes when Dazai dares to moan out loud. In the middle of the office. With the youngest members there. He wonders if he made it alive when Chuuya dragged him outside with a force he knows only the blue-eyed man is capable of.
It never crossed anyone’s mind that marrying Dazai was probably the only good decision that Chuuya has ever taken in his whole life until now, and that he wanted everything to be as perfect as it could be. However, even if their documents were wrong and he was on the verge of becoming a widower, he was happy.
Dazai made him happy.