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To Kuroo, Kenma has always been, well, just Kenma.
Kenma is pretty much the only source of stability in Kuroo’s chaotic life. Kuroo’s family is messed up on every level. There’s nothing stable about it, nothing that a psychologist would claim is beneficial for a child’s development. Kuroo thinks that’s probably why he latched onto Kenma back in primary school and has yet to let Kenma out of his clutches. He’s the anchor in Kuroo’s turbulent sea of a life. He’s pretty sure Kenma doesn’t actually know this, because his best friend is the type to underestimate his importance in every area. But it’s the truth. Kenma remains more important to him than anyone else in the world, even after nearly ten years of friendship.
However, the problem is that sometimes Kuroo forgets where he ends and where Kenma begins. This leads to situations like right now, where some girl from Kenma’s class is standing in front of me, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear and fluttering her eyelashes like some heroine from a romantic movie, then saying, “Um, you’re childhood friends with Kozume-kun from Class 3, right? Do… do you know if Kozume-kun is dating anyone?”
Kuroo’s brain immediately malfunctions.
Kozume-kun, he thinks with wide eyes, and then, dating anyone? Kenma? Dating anyone? Huh? Is it possible? Somehow, his brain knows the two phrases separately, but he’s never thought of them in connection before. Kenma. Dating someone. Suddenly the anchor he’s been clinging to cracks just the slightest bit.
“Uh,” Kuroo stutters, eyes wide. Come on, dude. Get it together. This might be the least cool thing you’ve ever done. And what, because she asked if Kenma’s dating anyone? This is an easy answer! “Uh, no,” he gets out. “Kenma’s… he’s not dating anyone.”
“Ah, that’s wonderful to hear,” the girl says, beaming at him. “He’s cute in kind of a loner way, don’t you think? Anyways, do you think he’d be… interested? In dating someone?”
Would Kenma be interested in dating someone? A girl? Kenma has never once in his life hinted at any interest in dating, much less any specific people, but maybe it’s just because he doesn’t want to tell Kuroo? Shit, are there things in Kenma’s life that he doesn’t want to tell Kuroo about? Maybe he is dating someone and hasn’t told Kuroo! Anything’s possible, given that there’s this huge part of Kenma’s life, maybe, or huge part of Kenma’s life at some point that Kuroo knows absolutely nothing about! He knows about Kuroo's preferences, about how Kuroo likes long hair, about who his favorite members of girl groups are, but what does Kuroo know about what Kenma prefers?
“Uh, I’m not sure,” Kuroo makes himself say. It's weird just to stand here with a blank expression on his face. “He doesn’t really talk about that kind of thing, so I don’t think so, but I guess I could ask for you.”
“You’d do that for me?” Her eyes light up. “Thank you so much, Kuroo-senpai! Oh, my name’s Saitou Sachiko, by the way!”
Is she good enough for Kenma? Kuroo eyes her. She’s cute, he guesses, short and bubbly with a big smile. But Kenma’s so… well, not bubbly. If she was like that all the time, he’s pretty sure Kenma would grow tired of it quickly, given what he'd said about not wanting to be on the same team as Shrimpy. Not to mention she’d probably tire of Kenma too: of Kenma’s tendency to want to stay indoors, to get sick of social interaction after mere hours of hanging out with someone. Kuroo doesn’t get tired of these things about Kenma, but Kuroo’s had ten years to get used to all of Kenma’s idiosyncrasies.
He swallows and nods. “Sure thing,” he says, plastering his brightest smile on his face so that she doesn’t find this whole interaction odd, though he’s sure he’s not really fooling her. At this point, he’s not even really fooling himself.
And, he decides on the walk home that day, he’s not going to ask Kenma.
In the long run, what would it benefit? Sachiko clearly isn’t Kenma’s type. And even if she were, she’d probably move on from Kenma one day, leaving Kenma in the dust! Kuroo doesn’t think he could handle seeing Kenma get his heart broken by someone. He wants more than anything for Kenma to be happy.
But he feels kind of bad about it - moreso for lying by omission to Kenma than for lying to Sachiko - so he decides he’ll keep his eye out. Maybe someone will show up that’s worthy of Kenma. But maybe he needs to recruit some help first to figure out what qualities exactly would make someone worthy of Kenma.
.
“Hey, Yamamoto,” Kuroo says in his commanding captain’s voice the next day at practice. “I need to talk to you.”
Yamamoto looks at him with big eyes. For someone who talks such a big talk, he thinks, Yamamoto seems like a tame little kitten when he gets scolded. “Did I… do something wrong?”
“Nah, nothing like that,” Kuroo reassures him quickly. “It’s not anything volleyball related.”
“Okay, sure,” Yamamoto says. “What’s goin’ on?”
Kuroo does not know how to approach this kind of a subject. So, instead of saying anything remotely intelligent, he blurts out, “Have you ever thought about dating Kenma?”
“Dating Kenma?!” Yamamoto exclaims, clearly not having expected this to come out of Kuroo's mouth, and Kuroo nearly facepalms at his own idiocy. “Uh, no! No, not at all, of course not. God, why? Were you gonna kill me or somethin’ if I said yes?!”
“No!” Kuroo replies. Well, that hadn’t been what he’d meant to say - not in the least. Shit. “No, of course not. I didn’t mean to ask that, actually. I meant it more as… have you ever thought about Kenma dating?”
“Like, have I ever considered the possibility that Kenma might date someone? Yeah, I have, but it’s not somethin’ I really care to think about, ya know?”
“Okay, well… who do you think the type of person that he might date? Or the type of person that'd make him happy?”
Yamamoto stares at him. “Uh, Kuroo-san, sorry for the disrespect or whatever, but why the hell are you askin’ me this?”
Kuroo sighs. He figures that the only thing left to do now is tell the truth - blunt honesty or whatever. “This girl in Kenma's class is apparently interested in Kenma. She came up to me yesterday and asked me if he was interested in dating anyone, and I realized I don’t have any clue. He doesn’t talk to me about that kinda thing, y’know? But I mean, she didn’t seem like his type anyways, so now I’m wondering, like, who would be his type? Who’s… good enough for Kenma?”
Yamamoto exhales. Kuroo thinks he sees something like amusement in Yamamoto’s eyes, but no - that can’t be right. “I don’t think this is somethin’ I can tell you.”
Kuroo's eyebrows furrow together. “Huh? Why not?”
“Just think about it yourself, Kuroo-san. Ask yourself, who, of all the people you know, is good enough for Kenma to you?”
Hmph. Well, if Yamamoto’s gonna be like that, he’ll earn himself ten extra laps next practice, he thinks to himself as Yamamoto walks away.
.
Still, he finds himself asking himself that very question that night.
Who’s good enough for Kenma? Well, probably not Sachiko, because chances are she couldn’t understand Kenma the right way. Neither would a good portion of the population, honestly. Lev would drive Kenma crazy. Yamamoto’s too loud and obnoxious, plus he hadn’t seemed fond of the option anyways. Fukunaga? Fukunaga could probably handle Kenma well, but hadn’t he mentioned something about some girl that he’d been seeing? Same for Kai, Kai's had a girlfriend for years now. Yaku is an asshole sometimes and that puts him out of the running automatically. But what about Shrimpy? No, Kuroo puts that thought out of the running immediately. Shrimpy seems interested in everyone and everything, not specifically Kenma, and Kuroo wants someone for Kenma that thinks that the sun rises and sets on Kenma’s shoulders.
Is there… someone like that? Could there be anyone who thinks even better of Kenma than Kuroo himself does?
Well. Shit.
There is only one person Kuroo is aware of that loves Kenma fully and intensely, every part of Kenma, because there is only one person that knows Kenma fully and intensely. And that person is Kuroo himself.
Kuroo buries his face in his pillow and lets out a tiny scream.
No one can be good enough for Kenma for Kuroo because he wants to be that person that is good enough for Kenma. No one could ever be good enough for Kenma in Kuroo’s opinion, because Kuroo is hopelessly, disgustingly in love with Kenma himself.
It’s a shocking realization. And Kuroo decides he probably has to do something about it, because otherwise it’s going to keep building up inside of him until he explodes in the worst way possible. But of course the way he chooses to do it is the most roundabout way possible.
The next day after practice, while they’re walking home together, Kuroo says, “Uh, Kenma. Can I ask you something?”
Kenma gives a non-committal hum. “I guess so. If it's not something weird.”
“Are you… interested in anyone? Like… do you want to date anyone?”
Kenma stops. He lowers his game a little bit so he can look at Kuroo, his eyes clearly scanning Kuroo’s face, trying to figure out the motivation behind Kuroo’s question. Kuroo gulps and hopes that Kenma won’t be able to see right through him. Finally, Kenma says, “I guess.”
“You guess?!” Kuroo asks. “What’s that mean?”
“Kuro,” Kenma says, “if there’s something on your mind, just say it already.”
Kuroo sighs and inhales. “Fine. This girl in your class - Saitou Sachiko - she came to me and asked if I thought you’d be interested in dating anyone, because she’s interested in you.”
“That’s not true. People like that aren’t really interested in me.”
“It is true, I swear to God! I was there!” Kuroo glances over at Kenma, his gaze serious. “So, would you be interested in dating her?”
Kenma’s silent for a moment, as if contemplating, and Kuroo’s breath catches in his throat. Then he shakes his head. “No. I don’t think our personality types would match. And I don’t really know her that well.”
“Hmmm,” Kuroo says. “Well, what about someone other than her? What if it was someone you knew pretty well?”
“Please just say whatever you’re hinting at.”
Kuroo inhales deeply. You can do this, you can do this. “What if it were… me?”
“You,” Kenma repeats, his eyes narrowing. “You… like me?”
“Love,” Kuroo corrects. “I mean, I think. I realized yesterday when I was thinking about the whole Sachiko thing that I don’t want anyone else to date you. Not Sachiko, not Fukunaga, not Shrimpy. Because… I want to be the person you’re with.”
“Oh,” Kenma says with an exhale. He glances up at Kuroo, something unreadable in his eyes. Kuroo feels like he’s going to be sick. Shit, had he just messed up their friendship completely? Was this it? Would he have to quit the team to avoid Kenma now? Would he have to transfer schools? Fucking shit, he should’ve never opened his big mouth, he could've just pined for Kenma forever and it would've been fine -
Kenma stops walking altogether, and Kuroo does the same, feeling his heart hammering in his chest. And then Kenma steps towards him. Kuroo’s eyes widen. “Uh, so, um, what’s your answer?”
“I’ll let this speak for itself,” Kenma mumbles, and then he leans up and presses his lips to Kuroo’s, and Kuroo’s head explodes on the spot.
Yes, he confirms to himself as Kenma's soft lips move against his, yes, he’s very much in love with Kenma, and yes, he doesn’t want Kenma to do this with anyone else ever. He pulls Kenma closer and cradles his face. As he kisses Kenma, he feels his lips turn up into a genuinely joyous smile, a smile he can't hold back for the life of you. His chest feels light and airy. God, this is exactly what he'd always wanted and yet somehow never realized till yesterday. What a dumbass.
Once he pulls back, he strokes Kenma’s cheek lightly. “I love you,” he says. “Don’t date that girl in your class.”
“I said I wasn’t going to,” Kenma says, rolling his eyes. “I don’t think I’m… interested in girls, anyways.”
“Guys only?”
“More like, one specific guy,” Kenma says. “But don’t - “
“Only me?! Holy shit, I’m so honored -”
“Get a big head.”
“Ha, too late,” Kuroo says blissfully. Still, he kisses Kenma’s forehead gently and lets his smile grow even bigger.
He’s going to do his best to be the guy who’s good enough for Kenma. That way he'll never have to worry about finding anyone else who's good enough to Kenma.
He wraps his arms around Kenma and holds on tight.