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‘Tick tock’ ‘Tick tock’
Scott couldn’t remember how long he’d been starring at the wall clock for. He had a rough idea since the sun had started rising and he went to bed just before midnight. The light was filling his room with a mixture of yellow and red rays piercing through the gaps in his curtains. He sighed and rolled over, though it did little to ease his discomfort. Eventually he gave up on the prospect of sleeping and got out of bed, quietly making his way out of his room.
Scott looked at every door he walked past. He Heard Virgil snoring. John was spending a few days down on Earth, but he still heard EOS activated in his room. He heard Gordon groan softly and the movement of sheets. He got to youngest Tracy’s door and opened it slightly, checking on Alan. For someone who was so loud during the day, Scott could never tell if Alan was asleep or awake with how quite his room was during the nights. As always though, he was there sound asleep. Scott would have smiled if he didn’t feel so distant. Finally, he heard a more distant snore that was not coming from Virgil’s room but his fathers. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he still got caught off guard when hearing quiet snoring from his fathers’ room, even though he had heard it for almost a year now.
Once he had the knowledge that everyone was safe and sound, he thought his mind would start to let up, unfortunately for him it didn’t. Scott sighed quietly as he left the house, walking down to the beach of Tracy Island. Sunrises were always something that Scott never truly admired, he much preferred looking at the moon. But even now he was captivated by the different coloured rays bouncing off the ocean’s surface almost as if they were surfing the farthest waves Scott could see. It was peaceful, tranquil and damn it he couldn’t bring himself to feel at ease! He rubbed his eyes as he began to walk along the coast, away from home, away from what might be causing this.
Scott walked for most of the morning, surprised that he didn’t get a message from his watch asking for a call out. He wondered if John went back to Thunderbird Five. He wondered if everyone was okay. It was strange to Scott, wanting to know if everyone was okay yet he didn’t want to be around anyone himself. He stopped in his tracks. Was it himself that was actually at fault here? What if he was smothering them too much like they joked about? What if they no longer saw it as a joke but a hinderance? His mind went to a dark alternative. What if, he was just in the way? He could leave right now, disappear without a trace. No one would know, would anyone even care? Scott concluded no one would after all, he was just in the way. A hinderance to his family now nothing more. There was something dangerously calming at this thought of supposed realisation. Calming to the point that when he saw a cliff edge looking over an outstanding waterfall, he thought not of the scenery but of how easy it would be to fall and vanish. Fly one last time, to feel the wind hit his face, the roar of the air past his ears.
These thoughts continued for a while. Thoughts that anyone in their right mind would be repelled by. But to Scott, they felt like the only thing taking the weight off well, everything. Maybe now was the time to leave his brothers to it. Maybe it was time for Scott Tracy to have his last flight, a final voyage. To free his brothers from him and enjoy their lives.
“You know if you wanted to avoid Grandmas cookies for today you didn’t have to travel to the other side of the island,” Scott quickly put a name to the voice, Virgil. Why was he here? He should be at home, joking with his family about Grandmas poor cooking, watching their dad eat one with a pained smile on his face. Scott would have smiled at the thought if he wasn’t too focused on sheer drop below him, “You also didn’t have to ignore most of John’s pings either. You know how he worries,”
John’s pings? So, his watch had been going off. Scott couldn’t recall hearing the iconic sound. It was probably drowned out by the roaring inside his own head. “Sorry. Didn’t realise…” Scott finally said, his voice trailing off near the end, still looking down at the sheer drop.
He must have said something wrong since he heard Virgil starting to walk towards him. “The others are probably waiting for you back at home,” Scott’s mind thought up a quick excuse to make Virgil stay away. He couldn’t let his brother come this close to the edge, this close to flying like he felt because deep down Scott knew, he knew this was wrong, but he couldn’t stop these thoughts swimming through his mind.
“Actually, we are all out trying to look for you. We would have found you sooner, but EOS was out of commission for a bit,” Virgil replied. Scott noticed his voice was right behind him. If he took one step back, he would step on Virgil’s toes for sure. Even that short distance felt like miles for him and he couldn’t understand why. Why did his own brother feel so far away?
“Why?” Scott asked.
“Why?” Scott heard his younger brother, confusion in his tone. “Well she was running some diagnostics last night and they were still running throughout the day. John said something about all the data being corrupted if she stopped so- “
“No, I mean…why come and find me?” Scott interrupted.
“Because…we were worried about you Scott,”
“You weren’t worried. I’m a hinderance to you all,” after Scott spoke, he felt the entire world around him go quiet. No more deafening sounds in his head, but the pain was still there, like the wound had finally stopped being prized open and was now out for all to see. He tensed slightly when he felt Virgil’s hand on his shoulder. Now he felt Virgil was too close instead of miles away, but Scott couldn’t find it in himself to shrug that hand away, it was only thing keeping him from taking that last step forward, to fly one last time.
“Come away from the edge Scott,” Scott heard Virgil say softly, a tone he often rarely uses, if at all.
“I could do it Virg. I could fly one last time and you wouldn’t have to put up with me anymore. You wouldn’t have me constantly looking over you guys to make sure you’re okay. You guys would be fine without me, you’d be better off without me. All I need to do-,” Scott gasped at Virgil practically bear hugged him from behind. He couldn’t fly now, not with Virgil holding on to him like this, he couldn’t risk Virgil flying with him. He was so close! “Virgil let go! I can do it! I can fl-!”
“You’d fall!” Scott heard his brother shout, desperation in his voice. “You wouldn’t fly Scott, you’d fall! You’d fall out of our lives forever!” he felt Virgil’s grip only tighten, “We need you Scott. More than that, we want you to be around. You’re our big brother, we all look up to you Scott. Every single one of us. You’ve never been a hindrance. You were a reason why we stayed together through the hardest times, you’re the reason why we try our best at everything we do because you’re family. We all love you. Me, John, Gordon, Alan and dad,”
The names rang through his head, like a church bell being hit repeatedly. The names of the people Scott believed he was letting down. The names of the people he loved with every fibre of his being. If he left now, would they still be safe? Scott still believed that he was better off leaving them.
“Why won’t you let go Virgil,” Scott heard his own voice stutter, he let his head fall noticing his hands shaking.
“Because this world is better off with you in it Scott. If you don’t believe in yourself, then believe in me. Listen to me and take what I say in. I want you here and I know for a fact every other member of the family does too. So come back home Scott, come back to your family. Stay on the ground with us,” Virgil said softly.
Emotions suddenly flooded back into the forefront of Scott’s mind. He felt a stab to his stomach and let out a sob before his legs suddenly felt like jelly. Scott guessed his brother felt the difference in his stance because he was being pulled back a short distance before falling softly to the ground. He couldn’t move not because he wanted too, but because Virgil still had one arm wrapped around Scott’s waist and one on his head, holding it to his brother’s chest.
“I’m sorry Virgil, I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I don’t-,” he couldn’t even think of words that would make up for what he just tried to do. “I don’t want to leave you guys. I’m sorry Virgil,”
Scott heard Virgil shush him softly. “It’s okay big brother, you can’t take the weight of your world and everyone else’s worlds in the family. Let us take some of the burden too, we can handle it together, as a family. Just don’t hide it from us. We’ll never give up on you Scott. You’re family,”
Scott let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding, he looked forward to the waterfall, finally seeing how beautiful the sight was. “I’ll…I’ll try Virgil,”
“Remember you don’t have to do it alone. We’ll get through this as a family,”
Scott nodded slightly. He knew this wouldn’t be over quickly, but he was going to try. It might not be easy but right now, but with Virgil still holding onto him, he was glad that he didn’t take flight one final time. He could always fly in Thunderbird One tomorrow with his family.