Chapter Text
I sing songs that I never write
'Cause they are gone by the morning light
"You can't complain constantly about feeling lonely if you don't do anything to actually change that," Yachi said, matter-of-factly.
The bar wasn’t busy, but the few crossed conversations and the loud music made enough noise to fill the room.
Yamaguchi sighed. He already knew that, yet he couldn’t make himself change the way he acted. He had been wanting a relationship with someone, or at least to have something with someone, for a long time. He’d never had any romantic or sexual experience before and, even though no one was putting pressure on him, he felt as if everyone was moving forward except for him.
“It’s just, I don’t know, Yachi, I really have no idea how to flirt, and even if I tried, I would feel as if I was forcing it way too much. I want things to come naturally,” explained Yamaguchi.
“Have you ever had any crush?” asked Hinata. He was sitting next to Kageyama and right in front of Yamaguchi.
“Of course,” Yamaguchi said. “But not many”.
He thought about the first person he remembered liking, how he gave her some daisies he found in his old primary school playground, and how she blushed a little and thanked him, yet she never actually spoke to him again. He wasn’t really hurt because he only had liked her because she was pretty. They were only like 11 years old, so no one could blame him. Then he thought about his second big crush, and his first male crush, back when he was 16. He never tried anything because he was his only friend back then, and a very straight one. In the end, they drifted apart when college started because he moved to another country while Yamaguchi stayed home. He’d had some other small crushes through the years, too, but those two had been the only proper ones. It was difficult for him to like someone to the point of wanting to know them. Or more precisely, to the point of wanting them to know him.
“Then you just need to find a crush, right?” Kageyama said while putting his hand over Hinata's and slightly interlocking their fingers. His gesture was on point with his words, but it was obvious that he did it completely absentmindedly.
“Easy for you to say,” Yamaguchi answered. “You’ve been dating Hinata for almost 4 years. First crush, first boyfriend and you guys are still together. Not the best example”.
“But it’s actually true. I mean, if you want to have something with someone, you first need to be interested in someone” thoughtfully established Yachi before taking a sip from her drink.
“Yes! Yamaguchi, let’s find you a crush!” Hinata yelled, which made Kageyama hit him in the arm for being so loud.
“And how are you even going to do that. It’s not like I’m suddenly going to start liking someone. And even less so right here right now. I mean, no ofense, but we lower the average age here and we’re almost 20,” Yamaguchi reminded them.
They loved that bar. It was in the student’s neighbourhood. The actual dorms were rather expensive without a scholarship of some kind, so most students preferred to rent a room temporarily in the neighbourhood where the university was located. The furthest flats were just a 10-minute walk from campus, so it made up for it. That bar was just two buildings away from Hinata and Kageyama’s flat and, even if most of the costumers were above 30, the atmosphere was nice, and the staff was kind and chill.
“Duh, social media was invented for something," Hinata started, grabbing his phone from his pocket. "Kageyama and I know people from the volleyball club. You already met some of the guys that one time you came to pick us up after practice. Most of them are around our age, so we sometimes hang out when we're done and they’re super cool guys! And some of them I think would be considered good looking too. Sorry I can’t introduce you to any girls too, though. I only know Yachi here and her girlfriend.”
“That’s fine…” Yamaguchi said reluctantly, realizing what was about to happen.
“Apparently, people use Instagram to hit on others. It might work,” Kageyama added, looking at Hinata’s phone while he was immersed in his search.
“Hinata actually knows people besides us. Shocking,” Yachi said, playfully.
“Haha, so funny. Anyway, what do you think about this guy?” Hinata handed his phone to Yamaguchi.
The guy in the picture had kind of messy black hair, but it was short enough for it to look good. He was holding a mug with both his hands. Even if he was not looking at the camera, you could kind of see a pair of odd blue eyes. He didn’t really have any kind of expression in his face, but you could tell he was comfortable. The photo looked quite domestic and was cute, which made him think that maybe he was not the best option. He may already have someone, quite likely the one who took the picture.
“He is really pretty, I guess, but not really my type. He also seems way too serious,” Yamaguchi explained, rubbing the back of his head guiltily.
“He’s Akaashi! He looks serious, but he’s actually really nice!” Hinata told them, taking his phone back from Yamaguchi. Kageyama nodded in agreement.
“But Hinata, isn’t he already interested in someone?” Yachi asked. Yamaguchi high-fived himself.
“Hinata is as dense as a rock,” Kageyama smirked looking at his boyfriend, which made Hinata look back and stick out his tongue.
“It's like the pot calling the kettle black” Yamaguchi deadpanned . They were definitely perfect for each other.
“Stop bullying me, oh my God. Anyways, how about this one” Hinata put his phone on the table so all of them could see the next guy. “He’s Kuroo. He seems nice and will tell you so, but that’s a lie. He likes to annoy everyone except Kenma. He only teases him. But anyway, he’s really good at volleyball and always gives good advice to everyone. Also, he doesn’t look like it, but he’s really smart.”
“You’re not selling him very well,” Yamaguchi laughed . He looked at the picture. This time it was a selfie. He had long and messy hair, kind of spiked up. He wore a smirk on his face and his brown eyes were so light they almost looked yellow.
“Okay, way too handsome for me, I’d feel intimidated. He also looks pretty straightforward and I have no idea how to deal with that,” Yamaguchi admitted.
“You’re actually being picky,” Yachi teased .
“I’m the worst, I know,” Yamaguchi leaned on the back of the chair and looked at the ceiling.
“I was joking, Yama, you should be picky, you deserve to” Yachi put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “And we’re just showing you people. A little bit like looking at a catalogue which is kind objectifying, but physical attraction is also part of relationships. It’s not the most important thing but, of course, the first thing you see from someone it’s the outside, and then you fall in love with the inside, so you have to take it into account. Anyways, I’m going to shut up now, I’m going off topic. Thing is, you’re just looking at pictures from acquaintances and trying to see if someone interests you, so no pressure.”
“And this one?” Hinata showed once more his phone, ignoring their conversation and Yachi’s rambling.
“Not him,” Kageyama muttered.
Yamaguchi looked at the feed. The guy didn’t have many pictures of him, most of them were animals and cityscapes, but he did have one in which you could almost see him. It was an aesthetically taken mirror picture. He was sitting at the edge of the bed, holding his phone. He had short curly blond hair and he wore black framed glasses. He was in a completely white room. Walls, blankets, everything was white. The caption was: “Attention, I have been murdered”. That made Yamaguchi chuckle inside and couldn’t help an obvious smile on the outside.
“I guess he’s cute?” Yamaguchi said, a bit ashamed.
“Oh my God, you’re blushing!!” Yachi shrieked, which only made Yamaguchi’s blush intensify. He felt heat even at the tip of his ears.
“Yamaguchi, go for him!” Yachi encouraged excited. Sometimes she acted just like Hinata.
“Yachi, lower your voice! And what do you even want me to do?” Yamaguchi asked, stuttering a little.
“Don’t go for him, he’s an asshole,” Kageyama said angrily. His resting face was angrier than usual.
“Kageyama, that’s not true,” Hinata pouted, somewhat offended.
“But he insults us most of the time,” Kageyama stated.
“He doesn’t insult us, he calls us dumb, which we both kind of are, by the way," Hinata recognised, getting a small blush that matched Yamaguchi's big one.
“You two do have one shared braincell,” Yamaguchi remarked, winning offended looks from both of them and a loud laugh from Yachi.
“Okay, he’s perfect, I’m rooting for you,” Kageyama said, and all of them laughed except for Yamaguchi, who was still trying to hide his face in his hands.
“Okay, now let’s proceed with the plan. You have to follow him,” Yachi said, answering the question Yamaguchi asked before.
“No way, I’m not doing that.”
“If you don’t follow him, this was for nothing,” Hinata said, looking at him accusingly.
“You really expected me to follow him, knowing I’m one of the shyest people you know. And you, Yachi, of all people, are the main one insisting,” Yamaguchi tried to make her feel a little bit guilty so he could avoid it, but his tomato look wasn’t helping.
“C’mon, Yama, it’s just pressing a button. And it’s Instagram! If he didn’t want to be followed, he wouldn’t have an account, right?” Yachi was not stepping back, and Hinata and Kageyama were backing her up nodding at her words.
“Well, that’s true, but…”
“Shut up, just do it. That’d be doing something,” Yachi handed Yamaguchi his phone. He had no idea when had she taken it from his pocket, but it made him kind of wary about his safety.
It was a dead end, so he just took it and opened Instagram. Hinata spelled the username so he could write it and he pressed the search button.
“Oh God, I can’t do it, he has a private account!” Yamaguchi locked his phone faster than ever and threw it on the table, holding his head with his hands.
“Yamaguchiiiiiii” Hinata squealed.
“If you don’t follow him Hinata’s going to scream louder. He’s capable and he has no shame,” Kageyama threatened. For not liking the guy, he was actually being just as persistent as his other two friends, which made Yamaguchi doubt his intentions, but too many things were going on in his head to even bother to think about that.
“C’mon!!” Yachi cheered.
Yamaguchi had three pairs of eyes on him. He felt pressured, and not only because of his friends. He felt the pressure of years running from intimacy and from possibilities, all the complaints he made without doing absolutely nothing. He felt all the bitterness of his half-chosen solitude and decided that he was tired of knowing how to be alone. Now he wanted to learn how to share his life, to let someone in, and for that, he had to do something.
So he took his phone, unlocked it and sent a following request to “Tsukishima Kei”.
“I think I’m going to have a heart attack,” Yamaguchi said as soon as que locked back his phone, trembling a little.
“Didn’t know you were such a drama queen,” Yachi laughed.
“Shut up. Why did I even agree, why did I do that. I have to undo it. Can I undo it without him noticing? I can’t, can I? Oh my God, I’m going to die.” Yamaguchi was regretting all his life choices.
“You did it because you actually know that you need to do something other than complain,” Yachi told him, rubbing his knee for comfort.
“You always make good points” Hinata said, smiling big.
“She’s really smart,” Kageyama agreed. “Also, sorry to interrupt, but we should ask for the bill. Hinata and I have to wake up early because we have an exam on the afternoon, and we have to train in the morning.”
“No problem, we can meet again another day” Yachi answered, smiling.
They payed their orders and got up from the table, packing up their bags and coats, and getting ready to face the cold of the night. They went outside, Yachi linking her arm with Yamaguchi's, and Kageyama holding Hinata’s hand. They both shared a look that made Yamaguchi’s heart shrink a little. Yachi noticed his friend’s reaction and tightened the grip of their linked arms. Yamaguchi felt himself blush at how obvious he’d been, but luckily, none of the other guys noticed.
"Well, as you guys know, I'm going in the opposite direction, so see you," Yamaguchi said, smiling and waving goodbye right before turning around to walk away. The other three yelled their farewell, disturbing completely the silence that overflowed the almost empty street.
He didn’t bother to put on earphones because that would mean looking at his phone to put some music and he was definitely not going to do that. His heart was still pounding fast after following the guy, so he was avoiding his notifications even more than he normally did.
It was late at night and his coat did little to protect him from the cold. The night sky was clear and a couple of stars were visible thanks to the new moon. He would love to go somewhere far from the city so he could see them even better. The good thing was that at least, regardless of the place, he would always be able to see the moon. He loved how it bathed the darkest corners in silver light, making everything look prettier. It had nothing to envy to the stars. He could almost forget about the shiver of winter.
As soon as he got to his flat, he closed the door, careful not to wake up any of his flatmates. He left the coat on the rack and went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He had leftovers from lunch, so he heated some in the microwave and went to his room with his dinner. He closed the door, locked it and sat on his desk. He left the plate on the table and took his phone to check it before starting to eat, completely forgetting the events that took place half an hour ago. He had some notifications that he had been ignoring the whole day, but he was not expecting a new one suddenly appearing on his lockscreen.
tsukishimakei started following you.