Work Text:
Baek Juho.
How could I be so foolish to lose you?
But above all, how could I have been foolish not to see your feelings? Not seeing how you behaved, how much you cared about me, or how jealous you were when you saw me with my boyfriend, I only realized when I lost you.
I only realized how much better you were than him when you weren't on my side anymore.
I was so worried about my own pain and suffering that I didn't think about you.
You haven't even said goodbye.
Do you hate me that much?
We have been friends for so long, maybe I didn't want to lose you, so I was blind to your feelings, but forgive me, I know we will never be like before, we were such good friends, we had fun, laughed, we used to spend the night talking about life.
But I fucked up.
I took our friendship and threw it in the trash.
It was a cold night, I had just read my ex's message breaking up with me, you were there, as always, you hugged me when I cried, you comforted me when you thought I needed it, but above all it was there, we drank, no truth is I drank, more than i should, I was angry.
I wanted to avenge myself.
So I kissed you.
Thinking it was going to hurt him.
But I ended up hurting you.
And that was my biggest mistake.
The next day you disappeared, leaving only a letter beside my bed, a letter apologizing for loving me, saying that you could no longer be pretending beside me, that you would move.
I remember how I ran, how I ran to your home.
But you were already gone.
It's been 2 years now and I'm here, watching you smile at someone else.
My eyes are full of tears and I can't understand why.
Maybe because I lost you.
Maybe because I feel guilty.
But I see that I hurt you, now you're happy Juho.
I've never seen you smile so much.
I miss you, but I lost you.
This silly letter may be something I will never send, but I needed to write.
I needed to let you go.
I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you.
Bye,
Youngkyun.