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“Leon.”
Helena looked up at him, hand resting on the handle of the door she had just opened. Her hair was a mess, the tips still stuck under the oversized sweater, which she must have put on in a hurry.
“What are you doing here?”, she asked, squirming a little under his gaze. She was only wearing shorts along with pink, fluffy socks. Comfort clothes.
Leon held up the bottle of whiskey he had brought, waving at her with it.
“I’m here to apologize. If you’ll let me.” He could feel the corner of his mouth twitch into an awkward grin for a second. He hadn’t really thought this through, but looking at Helena like this… He evidently wasn’t the only one struggling with their last mission. And there was something he needed to deliver.
Helena smiled softly.
“Why would you apologize?”, she stepped back, making room for him to enter. “But if it’ll get you to share that bottle with me, I’ll be glad to let you.”
First step successful. Alcohol usually worked. He was just glad he had read Helena’s tastes right. She had seemed like a whiskey woman to him.
Leon stepped inside and looked around the studio apartment. It was roughly L shaped, the kitchen to his right, dining and living room just in front of him. The part that was branching off to his left he guessed Helena used as a bedroom. She used a lot of warm colours for her apartment, browns and reds for highlights, everything related to sitting seemed so comfortable, it was a place Leon could immediately relax in.
Though it was minimalistic in its furnishings, the place was a little messy. Empty pizza boxes, tissues strewn near the couch, but Leon wasn’t one to judge. He could relate.
With a quick movement of her hand she pulled out the hair still stuck under her sweater, brushing through it a few times to give it some resemblance of order. She then gestured for Leon to sit down as she walked over to a cabinet to get out two glasses.
She sat down on her couch to Leon’s left, placing the glasses on the coffee table in front of her. Leon poured the whiskey, the silence between them not awkward, as he might have expected. He supposed once you fight alongside someone, overcome something as traumatic as they had, you get to know a person for who they really are. And what Leon had learned made him trust Helena. Perhaps more than if he had known her for years under normal circumstances.
That’s how he knew he could rely on her. Always.
That’s why he felt so guilty.
“I’m sorry”, he finally said, after taking a sip of the whiskey. A pleasant warmth spread in his stomach, strangely mixed with his guilt.
“Again… why would you apologize?”
Helena sat cross legged on the couch, frowning. There were little bunnies on her socks.
“For just leaving you like that…”, Leon stared at his glass. “To go back here on your own. Report on your own. It was, well, a shitty thing to do.”
“Just don’t Leon I-”, she stopped herself, running her hand through her hair once more. “I could tell you were… that you needed time.”
“I shouldn’t though”, he looked up at her again. She was struggling, too. “I have been doing this for years and I didn’t lose… not like you…”
“Maybe that’s why. Maybe after all this years you reached your breaking point.”
Leon couldn’t believe this. Couldn’t accept it, because what else did he have? He just had to learn to deal better.
“Besides you lost someone too”, Helena interrupted his thoughts. Her glass was almost empty, as was his, and he refilled them. “It was my fault he died. I should be the one to apologize. I am sorry, you have to know that! I panicked, he had my sister… and I-”
“Simmons forced you”, Leon interrupted. “I don’t blame you.”
Helena gripped her glass tighter. The expression on her face was painful to watch but he could understand. Helplessness. Guilt. Regret.
“But still, I… I failed this country. And I failed my sister.”
“It’s not your fault”, Leon heard himself echo Sasha’s words. “It was out of your control. If you want to blame someone, blame Simmons.”
“Oh I blame him all right…” She took another sip. “But I can’t help but feel there should have been something I could have done. I always protected Deborah…”
“I know how you feel. I really do.”
They looked at each other for a while. That gaze told him everything, they both understood.
“How about”, Leon started. “You stop apologizing, and I’ll do the same?”
He held out his glass. Helena hesitated for a while before clinking them together.
“Deal.” They grinned at each other after taking another sip. Leon was starting to feel a little tipsy. He really wasn’t used to alcohol anymore. “How many strings did you have to pull for not getting me arrested?”
“Oh that was mostly Hunnigan… And well, I just called in a favor or two.”
“Thank you. Really. I don’t know how you can just forgive me like that… even help me.”
“It’s purely out of the goodness of my heart.”
Helena chuckled. It was good that she still could.
Leon took a deep breath. There was still something he needed to do.
“I have something for you. I think Ada left it but… I didn’t manage to give it to you before I, well, ran…”
He pulled out a piece of paper from the inside pocket of his jacket. It was dirty, dried blood was over it, and it was almost falling apart.
“It’s from your sister.”
Helena just stared at him, tears started to well up in her eyes. She looked so… sad, and Leon hated himself for doing this. But it wouldn’t be right not to give it to her. At least that little bit of her sister she should remember.
She held out her shaking hand, taking the note from Leon, before placing her glass onto the table and starting to read it.
Leon knew it by heart. He had read it to find out what it was, and felt guilty after it, it was so personal. But the words were now branded into his mind.
To my dear sister Helena,
I’m sorry I was never the good sister I should have been, even though you loved me unconditionally.
I’m sorry for everything. They injected me with something. It’s making me forget things, who I am. Who you are even. I don’t want that. Please know that I’ve always loved you, too. I don’t want to leave you hope you find someone to love you don’t want to forget love you
“Deborah had been losing herself to the virus”, Leon said. “But she fought it, we saw that. And she was still trying to protect you.”
Helena looked up at him, her hands shaking even more. Tears were now freely flowing down her cheeks and she barely had enough strength to place the note onto the table. It was already fragile and she probably did not want it to break.
What had Helena said back in the catacombs?
No more tears. Not until I avenge your death.
She had done that. And now it was time to mourn her.
Leon quickly changed seats, sitting down next to Helena and wrapping his arms around her. Sobs were shaking her body but this… this was good. She was dealing, something Leon couldn’t bring himself to do.
He started to rub her back, remembering how good it had felt when Sasha had done it to him. He had done so much for Leon, had helped him through his own troubles, and he wanted to be that person for Helena now. She had no one else who knew what it was like.
He waited for her to calm down, he would give her all the time she would need.
When her breathing returned to normal she pushed herself away from him, a small smile on her face.
“Thank you”, she said.
“Not a problem. That’s what partners… friends are for.”
“I like the sound of that.”