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Living with Derek is not how Stiles thought it would be. Well, Derek changed. Stiles also changed. That part is pretty obvious. Don’t get him wrong, change is not a bad thing and it’s been five years since they saw each other. It’d be weird if things don’t change. Plus, Derek is a good roommate. He even waters Stiles’ plants every day (and Stiles has a lot of plants).
The thing is… the thing is, Derek seems a bit distant, and Stiles doesn’t mean physically because his apartment is narrow as hell. Their body parts always touch one way or another because of how cramped it is. Derek often stares blankly at the television, staring distantly at the thing that’s not there. Sometimes the tv is not even turned on.
One thing that does not change is Derek’s cooking. Derek can cook. Stiles knows that since that summer break in high school that he got stuck with Derek after Scott got a girlfriend. Derek cooked for his pack and Stiles, and it was fantastic. Stiles always prepared food for his dad since young but it still could not compare to Derek’s cooking at all.
Stiles likes Derek’s cooking. He likes Derek’s grumpy face. He likes it when Derek sighed heavily as if Stiles was annoying but he still came to Stiles every time he had trouble, when he was sad or when he was lonely. Stiles misses that. Stiles misses them. He did not feel like getting mad at Derek for not appearing in front of him sooner. Stiles himself wasn’t stable enough for many years after things had gone to shit at Beacon Hills…after his dad passed, so Stiles didn’t have the heart to get mad at Derek for not strong enough to come to him on time.
And what does ‘on time’ mean anyway?
Stiles knew things are changing after Derek died and got back to life, but one thing that he doesn’t want it to change is Derek’s humanity. Stiles doesn’t want Derek to think that he is broken. He is not. So what if his heart is not beating anymore? Stiles’ heart can do both of their works. It beats too much and too fast for one person anyway (Don’t talk science facts with him though—it’s just meant to be rhetorical).
So…Operation: Getting Derek’s Life Back Together So They Can Be Together.
6 AM
Stiles wakes up at six per usual. He walks down to the living room where Derek currently is. The guy is staring blankly at the tv screen again. It is turned on this time though, blasting morning news and weather forecast. Stiles doesn’t pay attention, the person on tv all wear suits and put gel in their hair.
“They said it would be colder than usual.” Derek nods to the screen. Oh, so he was paying attention after all.
“Yeah?” Stiles flops down to the couch next to Derek. “Are you cold?” Stiles nudge Derek’s shoulder with his, it doesn’t radiating heat like it used to.
“Not really. I don’t feel anything anymore.” Derek shrugs. “Because I’m—”
“Because you’re a sourwolf, like always. What’s for breakfast today? Or is it my turn to cook?” If he was going to say he’s broken or he’s dead then Stiles is going to cut him off again like these past few days. Stiles asks and pretends to stretch himself as if he’s going to get up from the couch and cook, but actually he’s comfortable leaning on Derek and thinking maybe he should take a nap here.
“You know It’s always my turn to cook. I like to do it.”
“See? You ‘like’ to do it. You still feel something, don’t you?”
“…” Derek doesn’t say anything and Stiles thinks that he’s either contemplating if he feels something, or he’s just annoyed with Stiles (like usual—which is a good sign!).
7 AM
They’ve been sitting on the couch for almost an hour. Well, in Stiles’ case he’s actually spreading on the tiny couch and almost lie on Derek who is just sitting there and says nothing.
“How do you feel about bacon pancake?”
“Wow, Derek. What do you mean how do I feel? If you don’t know my answer then I’m gonna drool on you.” Stiles talks back while his eyes still stare at the screen. Stiles opened Netflix and chose Ghibli because he knows Derek loved Ghibli. They always watched them together when Derek couldn’t sleep alone at the loft in Beacon Hills.
“Good.” Derek pats on Stiles' head before pushing Stiles away a little so he can get up and cook. He almost asks Derek to come back but the promise of bacon pancake stops him.
Stiles is not sure if there was a smile on Derek’s face or it was just his wishful thinking.
9 AM
The breakfast was divine, obviously. Derek is awesome. Now they are watching the Ghibli film again but this time Derek sits on the floor and Stiles is lying on the couch, his hand lightly combing through Derek’s soft hair.
Derek is leaning back. He looks so comfortable that Stiles thinks he’s sleeping so he stops but then Derek opens his eyes and nudges Stiles’ hand with his head, so Stiles continues.
Both of them fall asleep.
12 PM
Derek got up to cook. Stiles gets up to find his phone and texts some funny meme to his friends then comes back to the couch in the living room. He’s browsing something on Netflix again and settle on a popular sitcom. Since it’s a weekend he doesn’t plan to do anything at all and allows himself to be lazy.
Derek comes back with two burgers. Stiles doesn’t even know how he did it. He made it from scratch! Derek could be a food blogger or something. Stiles decides to keep the suggestion in his mind to see if Derek will be interested in doing it in the future.
“Not to be dramatic, but I almost cry.”
Derek smirks. It was not the same smirk Stiles always saw but it’s there.
3 PM
“I used to come here with Laura,” Derek speaks up when they’re walking in Central Park. Stiles decided to ask Derek if he wanted Derek to take a walk and he said yes, so they came out. Derek also made hot cocoa in a thermos tumbler. He’s the best.
They walk around talking about nothing, and Stiles swears he can almost see Derek cracking a smile during the walk.
6 PM
Stiles brings Derek to the bookstore and they start to talk about books. Stiles pulls one book from the shelf, turning to Derek, “This book is the first book my dad bought me because he wanted me to stop running around too much and I’ve been obsessed with books ever since.”
“This book is Laura’s favorite because it’s so corny that she laughs every time she read it. She said she hated it, but I know the truth.” Derek offers one of his past as well.
“She and I would be good friends then,” Stiles says.
“Yeah, you guys definitely will.” Derek looks down at his shoes before walking to the other shelf.
7 PM
Things change abruptly when Stiles bumps into someone after they went outside from the bookstore and walked around the block and that person is a freaking werewolf. Aaand Of course, Stiles’ luck is never great because said werewolf is so offended by Stiles knocking him or maybe because he can feel Derek’s wolf’s intimidating presence.
“Go away.” Derek whispers.
“Like hell I would, you omega.” The other werewolf spits at Derek. Stiles is pretty sure if Derek was his own self, he would probably beat up the guy now.
“I’m not an omega.”
“So you’re what? I didn’t smell pack on you, and this weak human is obviously not pack.”
“I am.” Stiles walks up. He doesn’t think throwing a fight in the middle of a street would be a good idea.
“I am his pack. Go away.” Stiles waves his hand and before he knows it, the werewolf pulls his wrist violently. Stiles’ body is pulled toward the guy and Stiles can hear Derek’s growl.
“Go. Away.” Derek repeats what Stiles said but his mouth is full of fangs, eyes glowing blue.
“Wow, dude. You’re also a killer. You can’t even keep your cool going mad like this. Are you sure you have a pack? This human is—”
Derek is already pouncing on him before the guy can say anything.
“Der, stop. This guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Don’t get mad at—Wait, what?”
Derek gets mad.
Derek is getting mad.
Derek can definitely feel something.
“Derek, are you…angry?”
Derek stops. He throws the other werewolf on the ground and walks away from Stiles.
Stiles looks through his bag before he grabs the tiny jar hidden in a small pocket inside. He opens the cork lid with his mouth then throws the magic powder, that he made a while back as a protection against dangerous supernatural creatures he occasionally bumps into, to the werewolf.
He bares his human teeth, saying “Don’t come to me or my pack again.”
The werewolf cries because the powder burns his skin, and Stiles just walks away.
It’s good that New Yorkers are so used to weird shits happening that they just walk past them.
9 PM
Thank god (or whoever up there) that he went straight home.
Derek walked away from Stiles, but at least he came back home.
He’s hiding though.
Derek is hiding in the closet, and Stiles has to respect him for it a little bit because that closet is cramped as fuck. It was already here when Stiles moved in and he doesn’t want to know how smelly it is for a werewolf.
“Come on, Sourwolf. I know it must smell bad in there. Sometimes I even throw my unwashed hoodie in there.” Stiles widens the door and looks at Derek who tries really hard to make himself look small on the ground.
“I like it here. It smells like you.”
“Like sweat and anxiety?”
“Like home.”
Stiles scratches his head. He sits down on the floor, looking in the hazel eyes. “That’s sweet, but dude, we need to talk.”
Derek looks like a dear in a headlight. “No.”
“Der.”
“No.”
“You’re not as lifeless as you pretend to be, aren’t you?”
“No!”
“You know I’m not gonna hate you if you say yes to anything I ask, right? And why would you even think that anyway?”
Derek looks up. His face shows hopefulness (a liiittle bit, but Stiles counts that as a win).
“What if I’m starting to feel something again and you kick me out?”
“Are you kidding? I would be so so happy if you feel something again. We could be happy together! I can make you laugh and you can get so annoyed with me again!”
Derek sits straighter.
“C’mon, Wolfman, tell me what’s happening. I’m with you.”
Derek perks up at the last sentence. He slowly looks Stiles in the eyes.
“…Last week when you made a joke about ducks when we went to that Chinese restaurant at the corner, I started to feel something. My heart still doesn’t beat, but I feel like smiling when you smile or laughing when you tell your stupid jokes.”
Stiles raises both of his eyebrows, head tilting.
“Dude, that’s not fair! You mean you find my jokes hilarious and you pretended that it didn’t make you laugh. For days.”
“Well, I—"
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I thought you like me like this because I wasn’t as grumpy or as angry as before. I’m more…manageable?”
“You what? Like hell I like you like this, Derek. I don’t want to manage you. You are not a plant or a..what, flipping Neopets or something.”
“I think I—"
“Dude, let me tell you, I like you being grumpy, I like you being an—wait let me tone it down, I like you being confident with yourself and not afraid to show it. What I don’t like is you thinking that you’re broken or you are something less just because you what, have no heartbeats? I like everything that makes you you. I always like you, no matter what or where or when. Like, I like you when you have blue eyes, red eyes or hazel eyes. Are these hazel eyes? They said your eyes were green in your license.” Stiles thinks he knows what he’s talking about but then he’s starting to ramble and he can’t stop.
Derek laughs and it was a fucking good sound. It is the best sound Stiles ever heard Derek made in weeks. Stiles almost cries (or maybe he’s pretty sensitive right now because of his pretty long-ass heartfelt speech earlier. He’s pretty sure that counts as a love confession).
Derek finally stands up, and he has to lower his head down because he’s in a small closet. Stiles holds Derek’s wrist and leads him to the center of the room.
“I’m with you, you know that.”
“No, I didn’t before.” Derek shakes his head, smiling bitterly to the ground. Stiles walks closer to Derek. At first it was just his right hand, slowly touching Derek’s chest. This is where it’s supposed to move, to beat, to show a sign that the organ beneath the skin is doing something, but Derek’s heart is not beating anymore. Stiles retracts his hand then he moves his face close to Derek’s chest. His lips lightly touch the skin where his hand was earlier.
“I always thought you were on Scott’s or someone else’s side. I’m scared that you won’t want anything to do with me.” Derek murmurs. He leans on Stiles’ head and sighs.
“Dude, I so want it. And well, I mean, I like Scott and all but we’ve gone our separate ways now. Plus, I’m pretty sure we’ve got our own side.”
“Have we?” Derek asked
“Yes, you, me, and my plants.”
“We include the plants too?”
“Why not? They are my babies.” Stiles challenges Derek. Derek smiles and just says, “Alright.” And Stiles just grins stupidly back at him. They’ve got this.
“So can I kiss you now?”
“I don’t know. Can you?” Derek raised his eyebrows.
And yes, Stiles totally can.