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The porch creaked as Pepper stepped out in bare feet and an old pair of jeans. The sun had only just risen and there was still a bite to the air that made her glad for the simple black sweater she had chosen, the oversized one that used to belong to Tony. She supposed it still did. In her hands was a steaming cup of coffee, its rich scent pushing out that of the fresh air and trees in a way that could only be appreciated in the early morning.
The lake was still, not a single breeze disturbing the water or trees. The entire lakeside was quiet except for the occasional chirp of birds and buzzing of bees nearby. Then again, the whole world was quiet a place now, an absence of noise that become deafening in the aftermath of Thanos and the Snap. Silent and empty.
Pepper closed her eyes at the thought, reminded herself where she was. This simple lakeside home, well away from chaos of a city that had gone half empty, somewhere behind her Tony stirred in their bed, this was peace and tranquility. She knew by heart her schedule for the next week, exactly how many times she would have to venture into the city and deal with the business and the rest would be done here. Anything to stay away from it all, the reminders, the quiet.
Things were supposed to be quiet here, that was why they chose it. The silence wasn’t numbing because the lack of cars and people on the streets wasn’t strange, it was normal. Here they weren’t subjected to the constant memorials every few feet or the obsessive discussions or thick unpleasant scent of a world drowning in despair.
Pepper took a shaky breath, sipped her coffee and tried to stop her thoughts there, tried not to let her chest swell with emotion. She was luckier than most people, she knew that, and she held it close to her heart. She had Tony and Happy and Rhodey, and dozens of others who survived this hell, didn’t have any of her parents or other relatives still alive to lose.
And now…well they were trying, tentatively for a child. Pepper hadn’t been sure, too many nightmares and bad days to think they were ready for that but Tony wanted it, had discussed things with his therapist and they had done a few couple sessions and really there was nothing to stop them. Things had only been getting better since moving here and Tony was having better days, seemed to love sitting by the lake on long afternoons.
Shaking her head, Pepper tried to erase the fear that settled abruptly in her stomach. The sensation was never far away, not anymore, always resting inside her and waiting to pounce. That feeling used to send her running toward Tony, needing to find him and reassure herself that he was alright, not slipping between her fingers. Usually, that was only after nightmares but now…well now it was for an entirely different reason.
There was no other way.
Tony had recounted what happened on Titan only a handful times, offered in small bits and pieces like sand falling through his fingers, like he was afraid to forget and only in that moment felt he could share the load with her. Pepper didn’t mind, she wasn’t anything if not patient and she had known from the beginning that it would be an uphill battle in the aftermath and one she would endure gladly if it meant having Tony when it was all over. That piece of the puzzle, Doctor Strange’s last words had felt like a curse. He had tried for months afterwards, trying to find a solution to Thanos and the snap…had been up for days only to dismiss it as a mistake, a comment picked out to comfort in some small way.
Pepper wasn’t convinced.
She had researched him, tried to learn everything she could while Tony wasn’t looking too closely. She met a young woman by the name of Christine, she was the only one she had shared Tony’s story with, to this day. The way her eyes lit up with relief at Stephen Strange’s final words was confirmation enough. He was a smart man, almost enough to rival Tony’s own mind, and he did very few things without intent. If he said there was no other way, then there was no other way. But there is also no situation on earth in which Doctor Strange would let half of the human population die. Christine’s conviction had sent her heart racing because connecting the dots hadn’t been hard…the way he had demanded Tony live…his final words.
Pepper didn’t speak of it to Tony. He was trying to heal, and she was trying, so damned hard, to savor every moment she had with the man she loved because something told her that it didn’t end well for him. That this entire thing with Thanos hadn’t even come close to the end and she didn’t care if it was selfish, she wanted what she could from him.
“Pepper?”
She looked over her shoulder to find Tony standing there, expression twisted into something worried and uncertain. It wasn’t hard to figure out why, there were tears in her eyes, not quite slipping out but there, nonetheless. Tony was at her side in a heartbeat, eyes darting to the surrounding area, looking for a threat, hands caressing her cheeks. Pepper knew how easy it would be to just give up and sob into her husband’s arms, to let it all out and he wouldn’t ask questions, not right away, but she didn’t. She had learned a thing or two about being strong since falling in love with Tony Stark, had endured more than she ever thought she would, and being brave enough to let this man here break her heart…well that was worth the price every damned time.
“I’m okay Tony. I promise. I’m okay.”
Tony relaxed, taking her at her word, they were good about that these days. Instead he just pulled her closer and Pepper buried her face in his neck and did everything to imprint this moment in her mind, just in case one day, the memory was all she had.