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The captain of the Unreliable…everyone seemed to put her on a pedestal, always expected her to be strong and to always have it together. She was her crew’s pillar of strength and was revered by the many she’d helped across Halcyon.
To be fair, that was mostly her fault, as she had steeled herself to have a fake persona of being calm and collected, and when the situation called for it, of being callous and ruthless. Inside, however, she was a mess. She could only keep up her fake bravado and persuasive (and sometimes intimidating) charm for so long before her walls broke. She couldn’t bottle things up inside indefinitely.
She felt herself crumbling once ADA informed her of how dangerous it would be to use the skip drive to move the HOPE to Phineas’s lab. It was entirely possible and more than likely that they’d crash into Terra II or into the sun.
When the crew assembled and she gave a speech, she forced her lip from trembling and tightened her jaw and refused to let tears slip from her eyes. Every single one of her crew was ready and even excited at the idea of their mission…even if it could be their last. Before landing onto the HOPE and setting up comm systems and linking the derelict ship with ADA, the captain insisted that everyone get a good night’s rest and to appreciate their potential last night together.
Ellie and Nyoka were more than eager to do some R&R and get piss drunk before heading to bed, Vicar Max was settled into his desk reading and ruminating as usual, Parvati was nervously tinkering away and sending messages to Junlei, and SAM was keeping the ship spotless, going over certain parts of the ship more than once…times like this, the captain sometimes wondered if it had sentience and was nervous about the upcoming events.
Felix was in his cabin with the door locked. With everyone else preoccupied and a jumble of thoughts running through the captain’s mind, she figured she would take this opportunity to check on him. Gathering her bearings she knocked gently on his door, and after a moment it hissed open.
“Hey, boss. What’s up?” His eyes were misty, but he tried his best to play it cool and hoped she wouldn’t notice. She did, not knowing what to think of it.
The captain dithered for a moment while she tried to find the courage to ask him what she’d longed to ask for months. “May I come in?” Instead of something terribly romantic out of his aetherwave serials like she’d planned, she came off as nervous and shy. Her behavior took him off guard.
“’Course. What’s going on?” He moved aside as she walked in, closing the door while the captain fidgeted with her fingers. His eyes seemed less misty now and concern was etched into his brows.
“I…wanted to check on you. You hadn’t said much at the meeting, and…” She took a deep breath, knowing damned well that they had very little precious time left. She had to get to the point before it was too late. “I wanted to know if you wanted to spend the night with me.”
Felix was dumbfounded, one hand going up to scratch the back of his neck and his face flushed. He stammered something unintelligible, opened and closed his mouth a few times to say something, then finally gulped and nodded.
“Y-yeah, boss. I’d like that. You wanna watch some serials with me or practice tossball or…?” He was cut off by the captain boldly stepping towards him and wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace.
“Anything. I just want to be with you.” She mumbled into his chest, just loud enough for him to hear. There was so much more she wanted to say, but she couldn’t find the courage yet to do so.
He tensed up, head reeling and his thoughts a mess. No way, there’s no way the boss wants this from me. She couldn’t feel the same way…right? He wrapped his arms around her, too, feeling relief as they relaxed into each other’s touch. They’d never hugged before now. Sometimes in the thin halls of the ship they’d bump into another and brush arms, but this was different.
“I’m scared, Felix.” She said clearly, moving one of her arms up to swipe away tears beginning to drip from her eyes. “I might never see you again after this.”
Felix held her tighter. “Of course you’ll see me again. We’re gonna kick the board’s ass and hijack that ship right out from under their noses. For what it’s worth, I’m with you. I’d walk through fire with you, boss. You know that.”
He wasn’t used to comforting people, but he awkwardly tried patting her back, still holding her. When his captain winced, he patted lighter, moving his hand in small circles to comfort her. She relaxed into him again, steeling herself and holding in the urge to sob. Felix remembered again why he’d locked himself in his room originally, and his breath shuddered.
“Are you alright?” She asked, pulling apart from him enough to look him in the eyes. Their faces were awfully close and she gulped. “I’m…I’m sorry if this is inappropriate. I didn’t think this through and it’s selfish of me to do this, I don’t even know if you feel the same and—”
His face was scrunched up in confusion, and he took the hand that had previously been patting her back and gently cupped her face, his other hand still holding her waist. “Feel the same? About what, boss? Hugs? I’d have never guessed you for the hugging type, but hey, you’re full of surprises. I’m fine with this.”
He couldn’t possibly be that dumb. He had to be messing with her. The captain smirked and chuckled a little bit, feeling some tension release. “No, Felix. I like you. I’ve always liked you, ever since we met on the Groundbreaker. I thought it would be inappropriate to act on my feelings since I wasn’t sure how you felt, but we could die, Felix, I don’t want to have any regrets. I didn’t want to keep this bottled up forever, I just wanted…” She trailed off, self-conscious about babbling.
Felix tensed up again. He wasn’t used to his captain being so serious. She was usually as aloof and calm as he was, but now she was vulnerable. He’d been thinking similar thoughts while locked in his cabin before she’d knocked, but he hadn’t had the courage to visit her cabin to tell her how he felt. He didn’t want to risk being kicked off the ship or worse.
“You like me.” It was more of a statement than a question, his hand weakly cupping her face as his fingers trembled.
“Yes. I hope that’s okay. I’m sorry if—”
She was cut off by Felix’s lips gently pressing against hers. It felt strange to the both of them, nothing like what was described in those dramatic aetherwave serials, but it felt right and both felt dizzy after pulling apart from the kiss.
“So long as what I just did is okay, that’s…okay.” He gave a short laugh, loving the look in his captain’s eyes and still feeling the taste of her lips. “It’s more than okay. I like you, too, boss. Always have.”
The captain’s head was spinning, a rush of serotonin making her feel almost giddy. She’d never expected him to like her back, even with all the nudging and hints from Nyoka and Vicar Max saying that Felix had had it bad for her. She felt so happy she could cry, temporarily forgetting and pushing aside all her bad thoughts.
“Kiss me again.” She said, and he complied immediately.