Chapter Text
She was extremely attractive. And not in a gay ‘Oh my God please pin me against the wall and demolish me’ kinda way, if anything she was more envious of her stunning appearance. Or… huh, difficult to tell.
(´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
Constanze Amalie von Braunschbank-Albrechtsberger
Run out, make out, peace out, explain nothing.
hey diana what if you and akko were soulmates wouldnt that be weird lmao anyway bye
The corners of Akko’s mouth upturned sheepishly. “You, uh…kissed my eyelid.”
And then there was Akko Kagari, who had about 14 dollars, 36 cents and one stick of cherry gum in her pocket.
Was this what kids read nowadays? This shirtless smut? Unbelievable.
Ugh shut up evil-mom I don’t even like Akko like that you’re embarrassing me.
Why in the name of god is there a teacher called Badcock ahahahaha
“It’s time to commence Operation-learn-how-to-dominate-Diana,” Ninja Akko whispered.
She looked like a kicked puppy.
“That is what happens when you keep smut novels within the reach of children.”
“I believe this is how you correctly dominate someone,” Diana whispered.
Amanda O’Neill was starting to get impatient. Her gaydar had been pinging nonstop when Diana and Akko were within 10 feet of each other for months now, but nothing had happened yet!
“Sorry now, but I just have such big dyke energy that my gaydar reflects that perfection.
“Akko. Please let go of my breasts.” She heard Diana utter with a strained voice.
Lads why is one of Luna Nova's professors called Badcock lmaoooooooooo
“No one understands anything about me.
What are you, stupid?! Of course no one understands! No one could possibly understand!
The only person who can sympathise with you and understand you, is you.
So, be good to yourself.
Finding someone who wants to understand you, isn’t that what it’s about? To feel loved?”
“whatever happens tomorrow, we’ve had today”
Diana would never admit it, but she was actually impressed that the rebellious American girl was managing to complain while laying across her broom -on her back- and continuing to fly perfectly straight.
Curses. Once again foiled by a reflective surface.
Me: "Dianakko week, huh? Sounds cool, I should write something fun and short."
Me, but 10,000 words later: "I've made some poor decisions in my life."
The beginning of what sounded suspiciously like muffled screaming began ringing through her head.
aaaaaAAAHHHHHHHH, went the muffled screaming in her head.
"but I swear on the Shiny Rod that last time I got a checkup from her, she took one of my livers without telling me! I mean, she put it back after we were done, but still!"
Me: Okay, so the first chapter went a little longer than expected, but the second chapter should be shorter and easier to write, right?
Me, but an additional 13,000 words later: That's where you're wrong kiddo
Diana's reaction was like kicking a puppy but worse, like- like kicking over a box of ten puppies.
Uh, hullo, Akko here, I've had this super big crush on you since forever and I just found out through my (clinically) insane friend and a cup of tea that I thought was spiked but not actually spiked that you also sorta, kinda, maybe have a crush on me back?
“I was, er, sleeping. Yeah, that’s it! Sleeping! On the floor. The library is really quiet, y’know?”
Kinky Diana...
This time we won't be having sex we'll be making love! ~ Croix 2017
Kinky Diana…
"Ecchi Croix-Sensei." Akko says softly.
“But I’m the one stripping.”
“Are you telling me that…” she whispers shocked. “…I missed one of the few moments of Chariot being all Ecchi?!” the inventor screams bitterly. “I will kill you Akko!”
“Wait!” Akko says relieved. “So then that means that I didn’t you see you two...” she points at Ursula and Croix. “Have hot, steamy, vampire sex in one of the classrooms of the Astronomy Tower?”
“IneedyourhelpbecauseDianaandIwillhavesex!”
“So Diana caught you watching a porno…” Croix can’t help to say while laughing out-loud.
But Chariot had been holding her close and that was making her get nervous. And the last thing they needed right now was for her to feel embarrassed and aroused.
“She did?” Croix asks knowingly. “Or did you use your mind tricks to make her think so?”
“My mind tricks?” Ursula asks confused.
“Yeah, that way you have of making someone forget they’re upset about something by suggesting to them rational and realistic solutions to their frustrations.”
“Because I was frustrated as well!” Croix screams back. “Do you have any idea how painful it was to watch those two during 2 seasons and a movie and for nothing to happen! It just wasn’t fair at all.”
no one can resist this ass
im supposed to be the gay goddess wtf am i doing
Amanda: our teachers are eyefucking each other
Diana: amanda that is DISTASTEFUL
Amanda: YEAH U BETTER LEAVE ONLY SINGLE LADIES R ALLOWED HERE LIKE ME AN ANDREW
Andrew: maybe one day ill find the jay z to my beyoncé
IT'S LIKE NIGHTFALL!!!*fangirling intensifies*
Avery rolled her eyes. "Y'all motherfuckers need Jesus."
"GOD THAT WAS AN AMAZING PISS," Amanda yelled at the top of her lungs as she came out of her room.
"What do you expect after combining three churros with a pack of gummy worms?"
Amanda has ties to some people on the black market.
when i die i want my ashes mixed with glitter and packed tightly in the coffin
then they blow up the coffin with explosives so the glitter rains down on the guests while blasting "thanks for the memories" by fall out boy
Cons: im tired of this life
Mary: what dyou mean
Cons: i want to be a roomba
Cons: i want knives taped onto me
Cons: and i want to be set loose
Diana: Your father was running after you like a madman whilst you continued to increase thw speed and yell "I WANT TO FEEL CHRIS HEMSWORTHS ABS."
Jasna: i have a condition that prevents me for dieting and its called being hungry
Barbara: but we sacrificed u
Hannah: i took my phone to the afterlife
Hannah: hells got good reception
but do u have my back like the gmail security team has my back tho
Chariot: get ready to die
"Hey, don't insult the dollar store," Frank said. "This place has everything. I mean look at this! Why would I buy a Sharpie when I can get a Skerpie instead?"
Akko: it was in that moment i thanked the heavens for making me a girl because the boner i wouldve gotten i cant even
but Akko had read too much yuri to rule that out.
“Akko, I care about you. You could tell me that you committed arson and I’d still care about you. I mean, please don’t commit arson.
lesbians can and should do arson
“Look, I just had the initial idea, right? I’m the...ideas lesbian.
“Kagari, if you don’t tell me why you called in the next twenty seconds, I’m going to hang up and change my number.”
If nothing gets set on fire in this I will be seriously disappoint.
Diana had, in fact, thought about kissing Akko before, but in a normal friend way.
said Ursula, turning to the next page of this week’s trashy lesbian romance novel.
“My organs…” Akko squeaked
prepare yourself for: MAXIMUM GAY
the children are gay
Assdffhjlljgds these gay ass dorks share one(1) braincell and Diana was the only one who used it.
Croix tries to talk dirty to Chariot in French; Akko is confused, but Diana unfortunately understands.
“Amanda, you can’t force plot development, it has to unfold naturally!”
Despite the frenzied start to her academic career, all the little adventures Akko pulled Lotte and her into were nothing compared to the vengeful lesbian professor and her rouge missile strike.
well that's all folks, they finally kissed and they have a future full of lots more kisses. also i need your opinion, is Lotte as kinky as Sucy?? because i think yes. that girl reads fanfiction, i bet she writes it too. was this a self-roast? did i just call MYSELF kinky because I'M reading and writing fanfiction?? idk i want whiskey rn
i can only offer u this porn sorry (；・∀・)
"It was ketchup" Jasminka chimed in as she shoved an entire churo into her mouth.
Diana made a mental note to ask Hannah and Barbara what a meme was.
they practically consumed each other,
This isn't rocket science because rocket science is easy.
"Croix." Chariot starts, tossing down the fork she was holding down to the plate. "When I came here I saw heaps of noodle cups in the trash, your fridge is empty of anything healthy and you ordered a pizza at 3 am in the morning. You need to eat healthier."
"Don't worry it's just my soul descending into hell,"
Akko’s walking safety hazard.
Akko has never been more thankful in her life that she couldn’t get a boner.
Akko tried to keep her mind in christian places but the stimulation coming from their contact was overwhelming.
Akko had almost cracked her skull
Croix learns quickly that being nasty in front of the kids means she's gonna get roasted.
lotte: back to metamorphosis
amanda: anyways back to whos gay
i may have been under the influence of cannabis when i wrote this. leave any criticisms or suggestions if you'd like. thanks for reading.
Chapter 4: Execute Order 69
Oh sweet lords of magic. She wanted to explode and leave nothing but a smoking crater. A tiny little picket sign erected nearby: ‘Here blasted Akko. What a Witch.’
Putting on her patented Strict Diana Face™,
Amanda went back to her seat with a lewd laugh.
“The readings are off the charts. Even Professor Croix doesn’t have a butch-i-chlorian count this high.”
Akko is a top, Diana is a bottom. I preach.
“Akko you’re my new hero! I would totally have your babies!”
At the moment, the prissy princess in question was attempting to detach herself from her emotions, a task that perhaps necessitated the aid of a guillotine.