Work Text:
[JuJu]
Do you remember when we were at the sea?
Baby, how long has it been?
Jimin was watching Yoongi feeling so at ease, the waves crashing so gently on the shore.
“You know what?”, had he asked, perked up on his elbows as he lay next to his lover, whose hat was resting on his face to keep the sun out of his eyes as he tried to rest.
“Hmm?”
“I could get used to this, evenings at the beach with you.”
“Let’s open a beach bar.”
Yoongi laughed out loud, lifting his hat for a moment to take a look at Jimin, eyebrow raised.
“You’re so silly.”
Jimin had just joined his laughing, though the sudden suggestion seemed unreal – somewhere deep down he loved the idea of ditching his current, hectic lifestyle to live with Yoongi at the beach where everything that would stress him out were seagulls.
When you said you will always stay with me and the sea salt was glittering on the brown skin,
more than our eyes,
because life was fair to us
“Just stand still for a minute!”
“Jimin, I swear to god, this damn ice cream is melting.”
“But I have to”, his polaroid camera clicked, capturing Yoongi with a frown and two chocolate popsicles in his hands, the reflecting blue light making his skin shine with a halo
“You look so good, hyung.”
Yoongi could not hide a smile, but huffed nonetheless and forced Jimin’s popsicle into his hand.
“Whatever.”
Jimin hopped after Yoongi with a grin, back to their previous spot under a palm tree.
“You love me, though.”
Yoongi sighed once again.
“Yeah, I guess I do, Park Jimin.”
We fucked and the sky was so starlit
“Jimin, I swear you do gods’ work with those thighs of yours”, grunted Yoongi as he threw his head back, creeping closer to the edge.
“I know”, grinned Jimin mischievously and bent down, nearly in half, as he kissed Yoongi’s neck, clenching around Yoongi in the act, making him come.
“Oh fucking f-fuck, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fuck anyone else after this.”, Yoongi finished Jimin off, then, making him cry out in pleasure.
“I hope so, I don’t plan on fucking anyone else.”, he let himself fall next to Yoongi, head hitting the pillows as took a glance out of the window side.
“Try saying that again when you’re in china or somewhere on your world tour and need some dick.”, thought Yoongi, only to himself, never wanting to admit it – never wanting to ruin their precious last vacation before Jimin leaves.
“Look! The stars are so bright, Hyung!”
“I know, Jiminie, just as beautiful as you are.”, he smiled hazily as he drifted off to sleep.
Jimin watched him for a really long time.
I miss you, miss floating around with you without gravity
The downfall was so painful
“I don’t think we should keep in contact, it’s only going to hurt us more.”
“Wait, what?”
Yoongi took a step back, Jimin’s black suitcase next to his fragile seeming being.
“You’re not serious, are you?”
“Jimin-ah, I’m so, so sorry.“
He turned around, left.
„Yoongi , NO!“, tears straining his voice, hands visibly trembling, but he was unable to make a run for it.
I have to distract myself, I have to make music again
Look at me, now I'm filling my wallet by myself
"But what should I write?" I ask myself
This apartment is suddenly so big without you
Jimin stared blankly at the wall in his hotel room.
He had three days off from his tour, normally he would go around and explore but, once again, he found himself missing Yoongi.
He scribbles down some lyrics for new songs, but for some reason…
All they talk about is him.
We destroyed all our wishes
“He can’t fucking tell me he’s happier this way! He loves me! I KNOW IT”, he punched weakly at his best friend and bandmate, Jeongguk.
“He did it for both of you. He took the blame upon himself so you could enjoy your tour freely and hook up-“
“Listen here, you little shit, the last thing I wanna do is HOOK UP. I want Yoongi, there’s no one else for me. You get that?”
“It’s okay, Hyung.”, he pulled his best friend close, snaking one arm around his torso.
“I’m drowning without him.”
“Learn how to swim.”
“I don’t want to. I want to drown.”
I get back on the tour bus and I smell your shirt
Let's see if the scent remains
Until I get off the bus again
Quiet sobs rock Jimin’s body in the bunk he claimed earlier this afternoon, the fading scent in Yoongi’s shirt revealing memories of love to him that will never return.
“Why?”, whispers Jimin with a hoarse voice, so high pitched it was almost pitiful.
Jeongguk doesn’t say a thing as he squeezes next to his Hyung, hugging his smaller friend from behind.
“Why would he think it was better for him to leave me”, cried Jimin out, quietly.
Jeongguk held him closer.
[Chorus]
How can you miss someone as blatantly
as I am missing you in this fucking moment?
I'm just so extremely torn,
should I just text you again or not?
How can you miss someone as blatantly
as I am missing you in this fucking moment?
I'm just so extremely torn,
should I just text you again or not?
It was three in the morning when Jimin got back from the after-show party, it had been the last show of his world tour and he was glad.
It had been three weeks.
Three weeks in which Jimin had gone through hell, had gone up on stage and hid his misery and went back to his bunk to break down again.
It had been three weeks since Yoongi mumbled this weak “I’m so, so sorry.” As he walked away.
Jimin was once again hovering over Yoongi’s chat, typing for what felt like the hundredth time.
He felt excited that the tour was over, wanted to tell Yoongi, wanted to celebrate with him and tell him that they can be together again.
However, realizing that Yoongi must know that his tour had ended, plus the fact that he had not texted Jimin ever since the departure of his flight at the Airport in Seoul, he deleted his message before sending it.
The way he had done it the past three weeks.
Heart aching, as if it had been the first time, when his trembling hands tried to form sentences on his keyboard on the airplane.
But he couldn’t bring himself to send it.
[Henning May]
I do not want to know what it was like
I do not want to know why it's over
I do not want to know what it was like
I do not want to know what you do when you're high
Yoongi cursed his entire existence the second he turned his back on Jimin.
Yoongi broke his insides while he listened to Jimin’s weak call for him.
But he kept going.
He had convinced himself it was better for the younger man to gain experience, it was better for an young artist, worshipped by many teenaged girls and boys, to be single.
And he couldn’t stand the thought of having to hide their love, he wanted to be open, to show him off, to claim him his.
He had thought of living happily ever after with Jimin, but for the sake of his career he decided it was better to let him go.
Jimin would approve of this, right?
Yoongi found himself watching some fan cams of Jimin on stage, laughing brightly since performance one.
Yoongi shrunk visibly when he heard the echo of his lovers, well ex-lovers, laughter ringing through an entire stadium.
I hang out drunk in random bars
And I realize that I'm alone without you
Yoongi stares blankly at his empty glasses.
There was no one in particular left, now that Jimin wasn’t on his side anymore.
Surely there was Namjoon, his coworker, plus his fiancé Seokjin, two people who told him to ‘cheer up’ whenever Yoongi had a rough night again and trotted into work like a caveman with back problems like 90 year old.
He’d smile a little, then hide in his office for the rest of his work day, not bothering to eat.
He’d lost weight. Much of it.
Pro of this was, that he needed less drinks to get drunk.
Yoongi smiled a little as he swirled his drink around in the glass, thinking of the way Jimin would claim to crave sweet and savoring foods which were high in calories – when all he wanted was for Yoongi to tag along, so he could force him to eat more than he’d do voluntarily.
Yoongi’s heart clenches when the realization hits him, that there is no more of that.
It has been four weeks.
Eye bags are reflecting in my glass
I let you go like a coward
He takes a weak glimpse at his alarm, the digital numbers rarely legible though the empty bottle of the beer he had before going to bed.
2:05AM
Yoongi huffed angrily, tossing and turning, slamming his blanket to the side only to bring it up to his nose again, kicking his socks off and cooling his feet off only to curl them into his fuzzy blanket some minutes later.
He was hot, then cold.
He was angry, then sad.
He was brave, then a coward.
Hiccupping and pathetically trying to stiffle his sobs from his flatmate Hoseok, he pressed his palms over his mouth, tears rolling over his cheeks as he thought of the day he left that airport earlier than necessary.
“Jimin-ah, I’m so, so sorry.”
The words were echoing in his lonely mind, haunting him, driving him insane.
And I wait for a signal and one last time [of us being together],
but that does not change anything
Because I realize it will never be the same again
It’s the middle of the night,
I’m awake and I think about you
Yoongi squints his eyes at his bright screen, the clock telling him it was almost time to get up for work.
5:12AM
He had not slept a single second.
What if…
What if Jimin and him could have one last chance?
What if Jimin would forgive him, and Yoongi would make it up to him?
What if this distance indicates that they were meant to be forever and they should get married, be reckless and promise each other forever when they barely knew if they’d make it through another day without the other?
What if this was a good thing, after all?
But, …
What if Jimin is never going to forgive him?
He gets up then, feeling tired of life.
[Chorus]
How can you miss someone as blatantly
as I am missing you in this fucking moment?
I'm just so extremely torn,
should I just text you again or not?
How can you miss someone as blatantly
as I am missing you in this fucking moment?
I'm just so extremely torn,
should I just text you again or not?
Yoongi strolls just a little slower over the bridge on his way to work, his pain seems so endless, that for a hot second, he imagines what it would be like to not feel this anymore.
He shakes his head as soon as he gets a grip of his mind again, walking faster than he normally would, just trying to leave this all behind.
But, he knew that there was one thing he could never run from.
Jimin recorded new songs, trying to turn his misery into something beautiful and relatable.
Just so, that at least one person could find joy in the dark mess he’s been lately.
[Outro]
How can you miss someone so blatantly?
How can you miss someone so blatantly?
Yoongi catches his phone on the last ring as he had to hop out of the shower for it, snatching it from the top of his drawer before accepting.
“yeoboseyo?”
“Hyung, it’s me…”