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At first, there was nothing but silence.
It was so quiet, so serene, and she wondered if the only reason the roaring had stopped is because she’d gone deaf. Deaf...or dead? The latter was actually more likely. She was surprised that she was still thinking. Still conscious. Still breathing?
She inhaled deeply and yes, still breathing. Choking, to be accurate. She coughed and wheezed as she struggled to sit up and finally, open her eyes.
It was so dark although she could still see the brilliant sunspots of a nova burned into her eyes. Flashes of blinding white scoured her retinas as she struggled to see through the dust. Where was she? How was she alive? And more importantly, where was Cassian?
“What happened?”
They were the only words Jyn could manage, her tongue so dry she would give almost anything for water. A sip of water or a gasp of a raindrop in the air, anything to stop the intense heat and the burning, the endless burning that had surrounded them for so long. She felt blind, even with her eyes open there was a relentless whiteness that lingered; the flash from the apocalypse that somehow, she had survived.
And, thankfully, she could make out the shape of Cassian on the ground beside her. His chest rose and fell; against all impossibilities, they were both breathing.
They were still on the beach. No, that wasn’t right. They were lying on sand, sure, but any traces of beach, or of trees, of vegetation, it was all gone. Burned away. She could make out some shadows behind them, maybe the remains of imperial buildings? Or of ancient trees now whithered? It looked nothing like the citadel tower.
“It doesn’t make sense,” Cassian whispered. “We can’t be here. We should be dead!”
He was lying right next to her and she remembered the intensity of their embrace. The aftershocks still pummelled the planet; she knew - they both knew - that ground zero had been obliterated.
“Maybe we are dead,” she said darkly, but if they were dead then this was nothing like the pleasant afterlife she was never sure if she believed in or not, and besides, being dead shouldn’t hurt so much, should it? She could feel the pain of her wounds and Cassian - Cassian , who had come back for her, who had saved her (for just a little longer) looked even worse, his face ashen.
She reached out and took his hand, squeezing it hard. There was no sense maintaining distance any more, no point to the pretence. They had been dancing around each other for days, the tension simmering between them. She’d thought him handsome the moment she first set eyes on him but there was never any time for more than that, nothing more than an acknowledgement that if they were in a different universe and her father wasn’t responsible for the Death Star and if she hadn’t been kidnapped against her will, hell, if she had been a different person altogether, then maybe she would have tried. Batted her eyes at him; bought him a drink, invited him back to her room for an hour or two, and then taken off before he even asked her name.
Instead...she’d gotten to know him.
And seen in him his fire, his passion, his drive, in addition to his absolute brokenness that she recognised deep in her soul. That’s what they were, two broken people on a fool’s errand and they had both known it. Acknowledging the feeling between them would have just made it even worse, or so she’d assumed, until it really was the end and none of that seemed to matter any more.
Nothing mattered now. And it was strange, jarring, almost, to realise that the mission was over and there was nothing more they could do. Her mind had been so full, with no time to think of anything other than the mission and survival, and now, with shock setting in, everything felt empty.
“I don’t think we’re dead,” and Cassian gave her a smile through his pain. As battered as he was, there was still something in his eyes that made her believe that somehow, everything would be okay.
“Why?” The brightness was starting to get less bright; her vision getting clearer, but the air was still heavy. Ash was raining down. “Maybe this hellscape is our eternal punishment.”
He coughed. “Jyn...I know I have done many terrible things in my life. But you’re here with me and that’s more of a reward than I deserve.”
She met his gaze and held it. So strange how in the middle of all of this, the devastation, the anguish (she wouldn’t even let herself think about the rest of the team yet), a few small words from one ordinary man could mean more to her than almost anything she’d heard in years. To be wanted , instead of tossed aside, to have someone who had actually chosen to stand by her, it was something she never thought she’d have. And it seemed crazy to have found it, people who cared; a cause worth fighting for; right before she lost it all. Or had they lost? She knew the message had been transmitted. She knew they’d been heard. She knew it.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Jyn managed. She reached down to check her pockets; victorious when she discovered that one of the water pouches was still there. Taking one precious sip, she offered it to Cassian who gratefully accepted.
“We were on the beach,” he said. He tried to raise himself on his elbows, the effort evident on his face, and he flopped back down in pain. “Everything got brighter and brighter.” He paused. “And I think that your necklace was on fire.”
The crystal. She dropped her hand to it, remembering. How she had clung to Cassian and whispered that everything would be okay, only she wasn’t saying the words aloud, just in her heart. Trusting her mother, the memory of everything she’d stood for. Trusting the words of Chirrut, who so strongly believed. Trusting the Force.
And then, somehow, her crystal had started glowing and enveloping them with a brightness that even the apocalypse couldn’t penetrate.
It was still warm to the touch but as she pulled it from her shirt, it was blackened. Burned out.
“It saved us,” she said, wonderingly.
“No, Jyn,” Cassian said. “ You saved us. Your faith, your heart.”
And with that, she wanted to cry, to curl into a ball and start sobbing because her father used to talk about how big her heart was and now she’d lost him and so much had happened and it was all too much, so overwhelming and she knew that if she let go, she wouldn’t be able to stop.
But she couldn’t do that. Not now. Because they still had to survive.
Jyn took a deep breath. Warily she got to her feet. The ash storm was thinning; it hadn’t been that heavy to begin with. She didn’t have much in the way of a scientific education (and she suspected neither did Cassian) but they seemed far, far away from ground zero. A continent away? Had they been blown by the shockwave to the other side of the planet? Had the ocean been boiled away or was every island on this planet made of sand?
She had no way of knowing; but their priority was survival. They could figure out just where they were later.
“What do you see?” Cassian asked.
Shaking her head, Jyn dropped back down beside him. “Not much right now,” she said. “But there are some shapes - trees, maybe - behind us and we need to find shelter.”
Shelter was their best chance for survival, although they wouldn’t survive long on a planet heading into nuclear winter. Without water, or food, or a source of warmth-
She firmly pushed those thoughts out of her head. What had she said to the team before planetfall? That they’d take every chance they could and keep on taking them until all chances were spent. She and Cassian were still in that. Still with their chances and still with hope.
Speaking of hope… “Do you still have your comlink?” she asked. She checked her own pockets again, finding another couple of water and ration packs, along with a utility knife and some basic medical supplies (bacta patches and stims). Cassian had a few similar items in the pack strapped to his leg and she was suddenly grateful that they’d been so well prepared. They hadn’t expected to be stranded but all soldiers wore basic survival kits just in case.
He pulled it out with a smile which quickly faded when the only answer to his call was static. “It could be interference,” he offered.
Jyn didn’t want to voice the alternatives (that they’d been left behind; that everyone was dead) so she didn’t. But it seemed Cassian could sense her feelings. “There’s going to be a lot of electromagnetic interference in the atmosphere after...after what happened.” He didn’t want to put a name to it either. “We have to give it time to calm down.”
Taking a deep breath, Jyn said, “Okay. So we try again later. And for now...can you move?”
It was several hours later, and requiring administration of more than one painkiller (under protest!) to Cassian that they finally found themselves hunkered down in an imperial bunker Jyn had spotted in the distance. Cassian’s blaster had got them through the door, and it was small, dark,and safe. And they had all the bombs they could ever want.
There weren’t any vehicles (so despite their luck, they weren’t that lucky) but there were supplies and a couple of military cots and given what they had been through, they desperately needed sleep. So Jyn dragged the beds together and helped Cassian lay down before curling up beside him. She tried to stay awake and keep an eye on him - he hadn’t talked much about his injuries but she had seen how far he fell; knew it was likely that he had several internal injuries - but there was nothing she could do for him other than let him rest.
And in no time at all, she passed out into a deep, exhausted sleep.
Her nightmares were of the Death Star.
---
The days blurred together. Waking in darkness, checking outside to see if the clouds had dissipated (they never had), trying the comlink (always static), and then several days later, the rains started. It was potentially toxic but a chance to shower; and finally get rid of the ash and grime and soot. Jyn found herself setting up several containers to catch it for when their existing water supply inevitably ran out.
Her hair was dripping as she headed back inside to Cassian, who seemed to be recovering, albeit slowly. “You look nice,” he offered when he saw her, and she smiled to herself.
“You mean I look clean,” she deflected.
“That too.” Cassian glanced down at himself, seemingly noticing his own state. “Could you help me outside?”
Things were strangely intimate between them these days. After almost dying together, and then having to rely solely on the other person, there was no need for the pretence of modesty. But Jyn still averted her eyes as Cassian stripped down, just as excited as she had been to finally bathe.
She caught sight of the bruises on his back; fading from violent purple to a more mild green. All good signs. He was healing, and so was she. And seeing him like this, so vibrant, alive , it almost overwhelmed her with the enormity of it all. How could they be here, like this, in a safe cocoon, when they still didn’t know the future? Could she allow herself to feel those things she was ignoring when this might all be temporary? Dare she reach for one moment of happiness when she didn’t deserve it?
She started to reach out to touch, but pulled her hand back at the last second. But Cassian had caught her, and turned to face her. He brought her palm to his heart and met her eyes. He said so much with one look; a combination of “You saved me,” and “You are in my heart” and so much more that could never be put into words. Time stretched out between them as the rain got harder, and only the booming of thunder broke the spell.
“I’ll… I’ll be inside,” she stammered. “Call if you need me.”
She could feel Cassian’s eyes on her the entire time she was walking away.
---
“You’re a hero by now, you know,” Cassian said idly after they’d finished their evening rations. “When they find us, I’ll make them throw you a parade.” He gave her a cheeky grin, knowing she’d hate it.
They tried communications twice daily but there was still too much interference. Privately, Jyn was grateful that they hadn’t accidentally gotten in touch with the Empire, but if this continued for months, she might end up being grateful for a rescue from anyone. It was either that or they blow themselves up and after fighting so hard, that really would be a waste. (Cassian was not amused when she made this joke to him.)
“I’m the hero?” she countered. “Who’s the one who brought an entire squadron to this fight and, oh, shot Krennic so that we could send the message?”
“I may have had a little to do with that,” he allowed, “but I’m still going to make sure that you’re out in front when they are giving us medals!”
This was a game they played. Daydreaming the best case scenario; that the Alliance had received the Death Star Plans, found the weakness, and destroyed it. That would explain why no one had come looking for them yet; every single resource would have been dedicated towards the assault on the Death Start. No time for rescue missions while the battle was still raging.
The worst part was not knowing. They didn’t know if their friends had made it out alive. Jyn was heartbroken that K2 was no more but droids had backups, right? She comforted herself with the thought but was hesitant to bring it up to Cassian until he was healed, because there was nothing they could do. Nothing, except sit and wait.
“Do you think we won?” She looked directly into his eyes, no joking around now. “Do you honestly, truly think that we won?”
He held her gaze. “I have to believe it, Jyn, because if I didn’t, then there would be so much rage inside of me that I wouldn’t know what to do.” She could see it in him, the tension, the wiry body that could explode with violence if it had to. She recogised it because it existed in her too.
“I feel like I’ve been angry my whole life,” she said. “I was so angry at the Empire and my parents and Saw Gerrera for abandoning me. All I had was anger. I didn’t know there was another way until I met the Alliance.” She dropped her head to her hands. “All that time wasted on my own private war, when I could have been doing something good.”
His face was sympathetic as he said, “I told you, Jyn, it takes a rare type to lead the fight. Remember, when you needed to, you stepped up. You made the right choice.” He swallowed, hard. “I didn’t ever make that choice,” he admitted. “I felt like it was made for me and all I could do was keep fighting until I had vengeance." For a moment he seemed lost in time. "But that wasn’t right either.”
“You always did the right thing, though.”
“No,” he said softly. “No, I didn’t.”
He took her hands in his and scooted closer, their knees pressed together. Jyn met his eyes in darkness and could see herself reflected there. “But I try to do the right thing,” he continued softly. “That’s all anyone can ask.”
“Thank you.” The words tumbled out of her. It wasn’t what she’d meant to say. But it was what she needed to say. “I never said thank you for saving me. Or for being there. For standing by me even though you had no reason to.” Her throat was tight. “So I’m saying it now. Thank you.”
The smile she got in return was blinding in its radiance.
He leaned forward, pressed their foreheads together. Being there, in the moment. He closed his eyes briefly, almost as if summoning courage to speak. And when he did, it was like a declaration of love. “Jyn Erso, when we get out of here, I promise that I will always be there for you. Whenever you need me, I will be there.” He brought her hand to his lips, kissing it gently to seal the vow. And for the first time since she was a child, Jyn actually believed the words she heard.
And there they sat, just breathing together, so close, daring to dream of the future.
---
The roar of engines shocked Jyn out of a deep, dreamless sleep. She woke in Cassian’s arms, not quite remembering how they’d got there, but it didn’t matter now because there was a ship outside. She grabbed the comlink as Cassian also started to get up, and raced out of the bunker.
The glow of the engine lights were receding in the distance as she frantically pressed the button. “Is anyone there?” she said, the desperation in her voice impossible to hide.
Nothing but static.
She tried again, speaking more loudly this time. Then yelling. All the while watching the ship get further and further away. “We’re here!” she shouted. But there was nothing, no reply.
Cassian stumbled out of the bunker, something in his hand. “Who is it?” he asked, rapid-fire. “Did you get through? Did they hear us?”
She shook her head, fighting tears. It was the first ship they’d seen and possibly the only ship that would ever pass by them and she didn’t care if it was pirate or friend or foe - what did it matter when they hadn’t been heard. She stabbed the button again, sending a standard distress call.
Cassian raced off towards the burned woods. She didn’t understand what he was doing - he couldn’t possibly catch the ship! - until the bomb went off. The shock knocked him flat and she staggered too. The flash was blinding.
Even through the dark and the heavy atmosphere, it was still blinding. Bright.
It got the attention of the ship.
It turned, made a beautiful arc against the distant dawn. A star rising.
Trembling, she lifted the comlink to her mouth. “Hello?” She could see the shape of the ship now and it was oh-so-familiar. “Please come in. This is Rogue One.”
And finally, a reply.
“Rogue One, we read you! Attempting to get a fix on your location.”
She felt like the wind was knocked out of her as she raced to Cassian’s side. He was already sitting up, an enormous smile on his face. He, too, recognised that voice and she handed him the communicator. They were both trembling.
“K2, is that you?”
“Cassian!” And if it was possible for the droid to sound joyous, he did. “You’re alive!”
Tears welled in Cassian’s eyes as he heard the voice of his beloved friend. “I thought...we thought...you didn’t make it.”
“I didn’t,” K2 replied. “Before we left on the mission I calculated the odds of my survival and made a backup of myself for this exact scenario. I automatically downloaded myself into a new body once the old one didn’t return from Scarif.” The ship grew closer, a shining bright light. “I do not remember the details of my demise but I am hoping you can help fill the gaps in my memory banks.”
Cassian seemed lost for words, so Jyn took the comlink from him.
“And the others?” she dared ask.
“We’re all here,” answered the droid.
Joy coursing through her, she took Cassian’s face in her hands and kissed him. He seemed shocked for a moment, then returned the kiss, happily, joyfully, alive.
They were both alive.
The brilliant star caught the dawn light, descending softly, coming to take them home.