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"How many times did we try? One? Two? Three? I don't know. We just keep running in circles. I'm so tired."
"Countless times, if I may say. It just won't work out huh? Maybe we weren't really made for each other then."
"I'm sorry, Min but I think it's better if we end this."
"Alright, Chae. I understand."
Minjoo sadly smiled, tears started to fall even more when the girl infront of her reached out to cup her face.
Chaewon didn't want it to end, heck, if she was the one to be obeyed, she would try and try again with Minjoo until they get it right. But no, she thought it was a selfish idea.
She can no longer give it another try when both of them are only getting hurt in the repeating cycle. It was no longer healthy for the both of them.
So here she is, holding her Minjoo for the last time before they go their separate ways.
***
"Can y'all give it another try? The chorus part." Nodding, they all resumed playing from the chorus part of the song.
"I want your love, and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh"
"I want your love, and all your lover's revenge. You and me could write a bad romance."
"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh caught in a bad romance."
This time she managed to hit the high notes perfectly earning an applause from their trainer.
"I think we're all good. Let's pack up before six. Rest well for your upcoming tour next week... especially you." The trainer/manager points at the singer of the band.
"Yeah yeah of course I will, Chaeyeon." Chaewon sighed while helping the others pack.
"Hey, Chaeyeon aren't you gonna treat us for dinner?" The keyboardist of the band asked.
"I don't remember telling you something like that, Yena."
"Chaeyeon." Suddenly, two girls knelt infront of the latter while trying to convince her with their puppy eyes.
"Alright alright! Dinner's on me. Now stand up before I hit you with your drumsticks and guitar." Chaeyeon can't help but to cross her arms at the sight of four girls cheering happily at the thought of getting free dinner.
***
They went inside a famous restaurant in Tokyo known for it's delicious and extensive menu. Tiredness was obviously etched on their faces after all those countless practices and recordings at the studio. Their hardwork really payed off for they will start their fourth tour after countless performings at music festivals and concerts in the past few years.
As soon as their food was served, everyone silently digged in and minded their own business, too tired and hungry to talk. That wasn't the case for Yena, she was the one who broke the silence by suddenly reminiscing.
"Who would've thought that we'll reach this level?" She spoke while picking up pieces of meat onto her bowl.
"Not to be the negative one before but I honestly didn't thought that we'll get this big." Hyewon said it like a matter of fact.
"I don't know about y'all but I always dreamt big for us. I always wanted to share the stage with you, guys. That's why in every practice I always push you to do your best because I know that we'll make it someday." The singer of the band, Chaewon said.
"I knew there was something special in the four of you. I just knew you all have it from the start. That's why I agreed to stick with your asses for how many years." A teary eyed Chaeyeon said while grabbing some napkin.
The group became a little emotional at the shared sentiments. Until the youngest of them stiffled a laugh.
"Look at these unnies crying." Yujin said before putting her chopsticks down to give them napkins. On the other side of the table, Hyewon doesn't seem to mind what's happening as she reached for the food on Yena's plate.
Chaewon cried and then laughed at how they were acting. She can remember the times when they were just a famous school band back then, a band that was formed merely for a school program.
She can remember how she would struggle hitting notes perfectly and how she would try and try to sing the parts that she found difficult again and again. She can remember how Yena would struggle playing a simple song on the keyboard for her fingers keep on hitting the wrong keys. She can remember how Hyewon would practice with the guitar every now and then. She can remember how Yujin would have trouble playing the drums. And most importantly, she can remember all the love and support that they got from their families and friends, especially Chaeyeon who acted as their manager even from the start.
Being a band wasn't really a part of their plans but that one school program started it all. They continued playing all throughout the years until they earned a title for themselves, signed a contract with a popular label. They were known as a small band before but now coined as the big thing in the music industry. Chaewon likes to think that their journey is one of those started-from-the-bottom-now-we're-here stories.
They all shared a little hug before resuming to eat. She's happy with how things are right now, with how she's blessed with true friends, and with how they've succeeded in life. Right now, Chaewon couldn't ask for more.
Soon enough, they finished eating. They all went inside the van to go to the place they were staying at for the mean time. Chaewon figured that everyone except her and Chaeyeon, who was driving, are taking a short nap. The place was quite far from where they are right now.
Silenced engulfed the car until Chaeyeon spoke. "Aren't you inviting our friends for next week?" The latter said before making a quick turn.
Chaewon who was sitting beside her suddenly straightened up at the question. "Oh, yeah. Glad you reminded me about it. I'll text them now." She said before fishing out her phone in her pocket.
"I was gonna text Yuri anyway so she can tell the others too." Chaewon just muttered a small 'mhmm' at what the older girl said. "Wait, does it mean she's gonna be there too?" Chaeyeon added.
"Who?" The younger asked before she started to type on her phone.
"C'mon, Chaewon don't act dumb now." The older turned to look at Chaewon and smirked.
The latter paused what she was doing before looking at Chaeyeon. "Of course. She's our friend after all." She said it like it was a matter of fact.
"Sure. We'll see about that."
"What? It's not like I'm holding something against her." The younger half shouted.
"Why are you getting defensive now?" Chaeyeon asked trying not to laugh at how Chaewon is acting right now.
"I'm not." The younger muttered. Chaeyeon just shot the girl beside her a look before minding her own business again. The car went silent again for a few minutes until Chaewon suddenly spoke right after they stopped at a red light.
"It's been six years since we went our ways. I hate to admit it but I miss her... so much." She said as she stared outside of the car window. She earned a pat on her shoulder from Chaeyeon who just sighed heavily at the statement.
Their relationship wasn't the best kind of relationship as Chaewon would tell. They always had their share of shortcomings, always guessing how the other feels, always unsure of everything. It got too much, they both knew that it was too unhealthy and they both figured that it won't really work out so they came to a mutual agreement and that was to end things between them. Chaewon didn't really want everything to end but she thought that it was for the best, she had no choice but to accept the way how things are for them. They ended on good terms, bid their farewells to one another after high school and got so busy with their own lives. They were still so young back then.
Of course the band continued on but it caused them to stray away from their friends. Well, everyone got something to deal with, so she can tell that they drifted away too. Now that they're making their first stop in their hometown, Korea for their tour, Chaewon doesn't know what to feel. She should be excited about it because they'll finally get to reunite with their long time friends. A wave of emotions pass her by, just at the thought of seeing her again. After all these years, she'll get to see the person who never left her heart. Chaewon tried to get into relationships but none ever worked for her, no one else can fill the gap that she lefy. Later on, she just decided to focus on the band and on making music. She tried to forget everything they once had by making herself busy all the time, she always believed that if they were really meant for each other, they would find a way back, she believes that it wasn't the right time for them back then, that they were too immature and stupid to handle things, that they weren't ready for something like that. Throughout the years that had passed, Chaewon always hoped that one day, she'd come home to Kim Minjoo again.
***
The famous singer has been pacing around the backstage for nearly ten minutes. Her mind is clouded with unfathomble thoughts as she tightens the grip on her microphone. Chaeyeon's words earlier kept replaying on her mind.
"Yuri just texted me awhile ago, she says that they're already here."
"VIP Standing B... the one we reserved for them, yeah." Chaeyeon adds.
She barely processes the idea of seeing her face to face after five long years. Chaewon's trail of thoughts was suddenly stopped as Yena snaps her back to reality.
"You good? You seem so nervous." The older girl stated while adjusting her IEM.
"It's just– I–" Before the younger can finish stuttering her words, Yena already gave her a knowing look.
"Take it easy, will you? I know you'll do great, even with her watching." Chaewon can't help but sigh deeply at the keyboardist's statement. Before getting lost in her own thoughts again, she hears the coordinator informing them that they have less than five minutes to start the concert. She receives a soft pat on the back from Yena in which she returns a small smile.
Soon enough, they were already infront of a massive crowd. While they were about to go up the stage earlier, Chaewon made a mental note to not look at the direction her friends were seating at. Not wanting to think about it anymore, she diverts her attention to Hyewon who was fixing the strap of her electric guitar, Hyewon notices her gaze and gave her a quick thumbs up.
"HEY EVERYONE!" Chaewon shouts to her mic as the crowd shouts back.
"I know you are all hyped up, so let's start now!" The crowd suddenly went crazy as the band started playing their first hit song. Hyewon's guitar riffs were absolutely slaying it every second. Chaewon motioned for them to clap as she walks around the stage, feeling the song before it can even reach the chorus.
Everyone starts singing along to the very familiar lyrics. The band is already giving their best just for the first song. Chaeyeon is feeling it as well as she can be spotted filming her friends from the side. Finally, the part that everyone was waiting for is here. The singer grabs onto her microphone hard as ever while Hyewon and Yena was encouraging her from the sides as they play.
Yena leans closer to her mic while playing the keyboard. "I want your love, and I want your revenge. You and me could write a bad romance."
Hyewon's riffs and Yujin's drumming were dominating the stage. The unstoppable crowd goes from clapping to jumping high as they could. Hyewon smiles to herself as Chaewon reaches for the high notes.
"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh caught in a bad romance!" The singer suddenly jumps while grabbing her mic stand, adrenaline rushing through her. Yujin stiffles a laugh at the sight while drumming with all her might. Yena shoots Chaewon a knowing smile before looking at the crowd.
The hype from the crowd went ten times higher. It's a hit song from the famous band after all.
They're down to five songs and the hype didn't seem to die down. The singer wipes the trickling sweat on the side of her face, using the back of her palm as she starts to sing again. Hyewon's electric guitar can be heard as Chaewon sings.
"I hear your heartbeat to the beat of the drums." Yujin's drumming seemed to highlight the last word.
"Oh what a shame that you came here with someone." Hyewon sings.
"So while you're here in my arms" Yena follows.
"Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young!" Chaewon's voice roars and the same goes for the crowd.
She jumps while singing, encouraging the crowd to jump more. She points the mic to give them the chance to sing, she scans every face on the crowd and then she sees her, the one she's been avoiding to look at. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds until Chaewon broke the eye contact. She can't let it consume her right now, so she sings, putting more feelings to it as if she wants to let her know. She grips her mic tighter than before, you can see how her knuckles are turning red.
"I hear your heartbeat to the beat of the drums. Oh what a shame that you came here with someone."
***
It was a successful concert, the members are now on their way to Chaeyeon's big house, their friends already went there as soon as they finished performing. Chaeyeon told them that it was best to reserve all the talk and catching up until they all eat together. The stressed out singer was sitting at the back alongside Hyewon and Yena. She pulls up the hood of her orange hoodie to her head so she can avoid talking with anyone inside the van but her bandmates won't let her escape.
"I hear your heartbeat to the beat of the drums. Oh what a shame that you came here with someone." Yena sings, clearly imitating the short-haired singer.
"You really had to see her before singing that particular line. Must be a damn coincidence... A really wild one though." Hyewon muttered before opening a bag of chips.
"Ya! Ya! Give me some chips." Yujin exclaims from the passenger seat.
Chaewon pretends not to hear the them, she decides to doze off a little. Chaeyeon, looks at the rearview mirror, shaking her head disapprovingly at the sight.
Fifteen minutes had passed and Chaeyeon was tapping a sleeping Chaewon inside a now empty van. The others immediately got out as soon as they stopped infront of their manager's big house. They didn't bother to wake the short-haired girl up because of her grumpiness when she wakes up. Chaewon can never show her grumpiness to the older girl because she'll get her ass beaten if she acted like that to her.
"They really didn't bother to wake me up." She says while fixing her hair, walking alongside Chaeyeon towards the big doors.
They can already hear the noise and as soon as they were inside, the first thing Chaewon sees is her face. She's already cursing at herself inside her head. Chaewon decides to shrug it off as she walks towards the others, engulfing them with a big hug.
The night was going well, they all talked a lot at the dinner table, laughed a lot, pulled crazy antics like they were still kids in highschool, everyone was happy. Everyone interacted, except for the two of them. It was like they were avoiding each other like crazy. She can't really tell if they were being awkward or shy. Chaewon sighs as the cool night breeze gushes through her face, staying at Chaeyeon's rooftop was always the best. She stands before the marble railing with her arms crossed, facing the view of Seoul's city lights.
"Chaewon." A familiar voice that she knew so well. Her name still sounds so good when she says it.
Chaewon didn't turn back to face her, she stood still on her spot.
"I just wanted to say bye. I have important things to do tomorrow and it's really late now. I– I should get going." Minjoo stated.
"Minjoo." Chaewon said before the latter can go.
"I'm glad you came, Min." The singer said as she stepped closer to her. Chaewon didn't know how to process everything she's feeling at the moment. She's finally here infront of her and she's so happy that she could cry any moment now.
"I'm glad you're doing so well, Chae." The younger girl said before hugging the short-haired girl who was taken aback from the sudden hug. Chaewon closed her eyes and hugged her back softly.
Kim Minjoo still feels like home.
"Hey, Min– Oh I'm sorry." They were interrupted by a blue-haired girl. Chaewon swears she could swing at her right now, she just ruined their moment.
"Oh, you're already here... I just texted you a while ago to fetch me." The younger girl stated. It was at this moment that Chaewon recognized the other girl. It was the girl Minjoo was with at the concert earlier.
"Well, yeah. Chaeyeon told me you are here so I went up." The unknown girl said while dusting off her jacket.
"By the way, Chaewon this is Ryujin." The girl named Ryujin extended a hand to her which Chaewon gladly shook.
"And Ryujin, this is Chaewon." The two of them exchanged smiles. Before Minjoo can speak again, the blue-haired girl suddenly blurted out something.
"You were really good earlier. I love your songs." Ryujin smiled, Chaewon scratched the back of her head, getting shy at the comment but she was quick to bow and say thanks.
Minjoo seemed to be engrossed at the interaction happening infront of her, the singer turned her gaze back to Minjoo. "You should get going now, you don't wanna wake up late later."
"Yeah, thank you, it was nice to see you all again." The latter said before she and Ryujin waved goodbyes. The older girl waved goodbye too as she watched them go down the stairs, hand in hand.
Chaewon sighed heavily. She's now standing alone in an empty rooftop, her hands inside her pockets. The night seemed so deep than before. It was just a short moment that they had but to her, it felt so long. After all these years, it's still her that her heart is yearning for. From the rooftop, she can see Ryujin opening the car door for Minjoo, who was giggling.
She can't do anything now. Her mind replays the image of what she saw on Minjoo's ring finger when she waved goodbye.
She's somebody else's home now.
***
Minjoo's supposed to sleep right now but she just can't. She stares at her lover, Ryujin who was already sleeping soundly. She tucks the covers well into her body before planting a soft kiss on the younger girl's forehead. She goes outside the balcony, rubbing her shoulders with both of her hands as she was welcomed by the chilly night breeze.
She missed her so much. She loves how her name still rolls off her tongue so perfectly.
"I'm glad you came, Min."
She was happy and sad at how they've become. She admits that Chaewon never left her heart either but things are not the same as it was before.
– Flashback, year 2023 –
Traffic jams, busy streets, massive crowd. That's what Minjoo would say if someone asks her to describe New York. It's been three years since she left her home country to study abroad and pursue even bigger dreams. Leaving took a toll on her but she can now say that she finally managed to let go of things that aren't there anymore.
Minjoo, half walking-half running, hastily pulls out her phone to check the time.
'6:48 PM'
"Eleven minutes before it starts." She mutters under her breath.
She takes a cab and as soon as she's inside, she already tells the driver to speed up. She wipes the beads of sweat forming on her forehead and she swores inside her head that she should've chosen a better summer outfit. The ride wasn't so long, miraculously, the traffic seemed to tone down a bit.
'The odds are in my favor, I guess.' Minjoo thinks.
"Hey, that wasn't a free ride!" The latter snaps her head back to the driver who had his windows rolled down. She walks over as she pulled four dollars inside her purse with a shy smile and a small apology for forgetting.
'Was I really that preoccupied?' Minjoo thought.
She fixes her clothes before taking a look at the medium-sized stage infront of her. She soon realizes that it wasn't the band she's expecting to see but she clearly remembers that they should be the one up there. Unsure of what was happening, she asks a random woman from the crowd.
"Excuse me, did the first band finished performing?" She asks, to her knowledge, that band she's pertaining to was supposed to be the opening act of the festival.
"Oh, they changed the opening act to this band. They'll play as soon as they finish." The woman said, clearly catching on what Minjoo asked.
A sigh of relief for the girl.
Before she knows it, familiar faces started to go up the stage. Minjoo's face lights up as the crowd started to cheer on.
"Alright everyone! This song is very special to me. So I want you all to sing this from your heart, yeah? Let's go!"
The band starts to play the familiar tune that she knew so well. It made her heart tug a little.
" My heart's a stereo– " The singer sang and before she could say the next line, Minjoo already sang it under her breath.
" It beats for you, so listen close. "
The song meant a lot to her as much as it does to the singer, her first love, her ex, Kim Chaewon.
It was a song that they wrote together after all.
– End of flashback –
Minjoo always supported her from the dark, she always believed in her even from the start. All she wanted was for Chaewon to reach her dreams even if she was no longer there beside her. How can she forget her when the world screams her name all the time. Moving to New York that time, really helped her a lot, she was far away from her, she used the time she had there to heal and fix herself. Like Chaewon, Minjoo also didn't want things to end but it was for their own good, she could no longer bear to see the girl she loves getting hurt because of her, she knew Chaewon was tired, tired of it all, tired from her.
Minjoo knew that Chaewon deserved better and she wasn't the better one. However, Chaewon, on the other hand, believes that Minjoo is enough for her, it's Minjoo that she wants and no one else.
She thought she wouldn't open up to anyone again but she met Ryujin. The Ryujin who helped her a lot, Ryujin who was there beside her when everything seemed to fall apart. She was scared to get hurt again but Ryujin made sure that she won't let her go through the same thing again, she believed her and now here they are, happily engaged.
Minjoo took a deep breath as she scans the ring on her finger.
"Pretty." She mutters under her breath.
White particles started falling from the night sky, it's snowing. Minjoo smiles sadly as she reaches her hand out to catch some of the snow.
Their love story was beautiful yet tragic.
She wanted Chaewon to come home to her, but everything's different now.