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Lando had never believed it, when people were talking about it. He always thought something like this didn’t exist, but he was wrong. Oh, how damn wrong he was. The green monster of jealousy did indeed exist and he had to learn about it existence on the hardest way.
He had got to know the green, abominable monster by himself. It was always there, always present but till that day it had simply stayed quiet deep inside his body. Till that Friday of the race weekend in Spain, where Lando had seen this woman for the first time right next to his team-mate.
The Brit didn’t know since when he actually knew about it, probably even since the beginning, but somehow he seemed to have forgotten about it. How could he even forget something like that? No, he really hadn’t forgotten. It was more like repressed, suppressed, he simply didn’t even want to dare to think about it for one second.
That Carlos had a girlfriend.
It would have been actually alright, if there wouldn’t have been the little problem that Lando was head over heels in love with the handsome Spaniard. So much, that his brain had totally shot out the fact, that he was taken, happy taken with this woman.
Lando couldn’t remember any more, how he had got to know about the fact that Carlos was in a relationship. He had probably got told from one of his team-members, maybe he had read it somewhere on social media, but the Spaniard himself definitely hadn’t told him about it.
Because Carlos had never talked about his girlfriend before with Lando. If so, the young Brit had got a heart attack already back then. He didn’t know why, but the older one had simply never even mentioned his relationship, like he thought his team-mate was still too young and innocent to talk about stuff like this.
And the worst of all, his girlfriend did look good. Very, very good even. When Carlos would have been the Spanish god, she would have been his Spanish goddess. The woman had long, smooth dark brown hair, blue, beautiful eyes, at least from what Lando could tell from where he was standing, eyeing her from the corner of his eyes all sceptical and jealousy when he thought no one was looking.
She was almost as tall as Carlos, definitely taller than Lando, which he had to admit wasn’t that difficult. The woman had legs, which didn’t seem to have an end in those heels she was wearing. Her pure skin had the same caramel taint than her boyfriend. She hadn’t laid on too much make-up in the morning, but still Lando could tell she had some lipstick and eyeliner on.
And the woman’s smile, especially her perfect, white teeth, was very gorgeous. All in all she was one of the prettiest woman Lando had ever seen in his life and of course this beauty had to be Carlos’ girlfriend. How could it be any different?
Carlos just had to have a girlfriend, who was as handsome as himself. It did more than just fit, it was logical, that the two of them were together. Sure Carlos had to take such a beauty.
He just had to take this gorgeous woman and the worst of all, she was the totally contrary to Lando. The younger one had never thought he would have a chance by his team-mate, but now he exactly knew he definitely never had a chance at all.
The woman and he were so different, compared to each other. She was taller than him, had long dark brown, almost black hair, clear blue eyes, perfect, healthy skin and over all she was a woman. Carlos was straight, he wanted women and not a puberty, insecure nerd with bad skin, who happened to be his team-mate.
Actually the day had started good, even great. The weather was nice, Lando wasn’t feeling cold for once and he couldn’t wait to finally see his favourite Spaniard again. Because it was his home race, Carlos had already arrived to Spain a few days ago, while Lando had stayed in London.
The Brit had arrived early in the morning and walked through the paddock with a big, wide grin, because he knew he will finally see Carlos again in a few minutes. His smile grew even bigger, when he saw the man of his dreams already from far away.
But that smile quickly faded away, instead his mouth fell open and he looked with shocked eyes at his team-mate, when he got it what was going on over there. First he hadn’t even seen the woman next to him, he had thought she was one of the paddock girls or maybe just some random woman, who wanted to interview him, but then Carlos had wrapped his arm around her waist, pulled her against his side and kissed her right onto her lips.
Lando was completely frozen then, simply in shook. He had to shake his head wildly to finally wake up again, even when it caused so the already present tears to get dangerously close to the edge of his eyes. He had to get away from here, because he was feeling sick suddenly and also cold, even when it was damn hot under the sunbeams.
He did hide himself behind one of the many trucks next to the paddock, sat down on the ground into the shadow and the safety of the truck for some moments to collect his feelings and thoughts.
What had he actually expected? Was he really that stupid to think someone like Carlos didn’t have a girlfriend? And overall, he had actually known it he had, he just didn’t want to believe it or whatever, but now he had to believe it, because he had seen it with his own eyes. But still, the Brit hadn’t expected something like that to happen.
All the time Lando had really thought Carlos had also feelings for him. But he had read all the signs wrong the whole time. Every time the Spaniard had looked at him with his soft, dark brown eyes and that beautiful smile on his lips, all the time his hands had touched him, all the sweet words he had told him, all the time they had spent together.
Carlos was never interested in him, he was just a good team-mate, a good friend to him. A very good even. Maybe even too good, because Lando’s stupid heart had believed there was more, more between the two of them. But there obviously wasn’t and he had to accept that now, if he wanted or not.
Lando sniffed his tears away, whipped the single, clear tear, which had found its way down to his chin, with the back of his hand away, stood up and finally walked with slowly steps to the McLaren motorhome. He didn’t know how he will survive this weekend, because he already knew right now, that Carlos’ girlfriend will be there the whole time long and he had to watch her and his team-mate together all the time.
Lando already hated everything about this race already now. He breathed deep inside his lungs for one more time, before he entered the stressful hurly-bury of the paddock and kind of disappeared under the many people making their ways. The motto was to stay invisible this weekend, to keep away from Carlos as good as possible and especially from his model girlfriend.
This worked out more or less, till the inevitable happened and his team-mate came over to him to share some words. Thank god, Lando already had his helmet on at that time, so he didn’t have to look directly into his eyes and Carlos also couldn’t see how broken they looked and how blushed his cheeks were.
The older one was as kind and caring like always. He asked the younger one about how his flight was and how he was feeling today. Lando tried to answer in short sentences, even when he actually wanted to run away and hide himself in a dark corner.
But he took his whole straight together and answered his friend’s actually well-meant questions, but Lando didn’t dare to ask him anything back. He was afraid about that his voice could break and then he would have the whole mess. Maybe Carlos had already got it that something was wrong with him, because he was so quiet and tried to avoid his eyes the whole time long.
But even if the Spaniard had really noticed anything, he still kept quiet about it, instead he announced and his voice did sound so happy suddenly “I would like to introduce you to someone, Lando. That’s..”
But Carlos didn’t get any further, because the young Brit exactly knew with whom his team-mate wanted to introduce him, but he really wasn’t ready for that right now, so he muttered an inaudible excuse, while he already tried to get past his friend and into the safety of his driver room.
He didn’t look back at Carlos, he also wasn’t waiting for his response. He just needed to get away from here. He was still on his way, when he felt the first tears falling and when he had finally reached his room he locked himself into it, pulled his helmet down and cried quietly into his hands.
Why had he ever allowed himself to fall in love with his team-mate? It could only cause problems, there was no other way. Why did he always have to fall for someone, who was just nice to him?
It was the same as with George, later with Alex and a few months ago it was even Max. But he had never felt the same way for them, like he did feel for Carlos. It was different, those feelings were deeper and way stronger.
Lando simply loved to be close to him, he felt welcomed and so comfortable around him. He liked to get the Spaniard’s whole attention, he even told himself the whole time long, that those gorgeous smiles of his were only for him. He had always thought Carlos had also feelings for him, but damn, how wrong he was.
It got closer and closer to the first practice, Lando had to calm down again and dry his tears. Normally he would go to his team-mate for some comfort, when he had such a problem, when he was too nervous, when his nerves played a game with him he couldn’t win and everything just became too much, but this time he had to deal with it all by himself.
Somehow he had finally made it, but still he was grateful about to be able to wear his helmet, when he got outside his room, ready or not for the practice.
In the end of the day, Lando was satisfied with his results. Sure, he always wanted more, but it was alright. And he had even managed to hide himself from his team-mate for the rest of the day. Because it was his home race, Carlos had to do much of media.
Lando’s were already over since a longer time, he was allowed to go to the hotel way earlier. Normally he would wait now for Carlos to get to the hotel as well and get over to his room, after he had messaged him that he was finished with taking a shower and they could play some FIFA on his PlayStation together. Or the Spaniard would come over to his room and they would simply spend some time together.
But not tonight. Never before, Lando had wished to not see him. After he had taken a shower, he already laid himself into bed, even when it was still light outside. He watched a random show on Netflix, to which he didn’t pay any attention at all.
Somehow during the day, his mood had changed drastically. Lando wasn’t only sad any more, more he was pretty angry at everything and everyone. The green monster had come to life inside his body.
He was so damn mad at his friend, even when it wasn’t Carlos’ fault at all. He actually hadn’t done anything wrong, he only brought his girlfriend with him to his home race. Actually there wasn’t anything wrong about it, expect you wanted to be that woman so badly.
But still, Lando was endless angry, especially about himself and for being so damn stupid to fall for his team-mate like that. He just wanted to fall asleep, do the qualifying tomorrow, go to bed again, do the race on Sunday and then finally fly back home, where he won’t ever leave his place again.
Best Lando had wanted to smash something, to make room for his anger, but the only thing he could do was to box his fists into the pillow. He wanted to scream, he wanted to hit himself, he wanted to cry, he wanted Carlos.
But he had to attribute this all here to himself. No one could help him now. Lando just had to learn to deal with it and move on, even when this did sound more than just impossible at the moment.
While this one show on Netflix was still on in the background, he tried to force himself to fall asleep, with pressing his eyes closed. Maybe it would have worked, if his phone wouldn’t have vibrated suddenly.
All annoyed, Lando gripped for it and his heart did beat faster, but at the same time it always felt heavy, when he read that he had got a new message from Carlos. He asked if he was up to some FIFA. He had even added a smiley on the end, but it didn’t lift Lando’s mood, the totally contrary even.
He got only even more annoyed and angry, while he really asked himself if the older one had fun to tease him with his perfect girlfriend, because she must have to be also there. Then Carlos would have introduced the two of them, would have maybe told Lando how incredible great and stunning she was and maybe he would even have to watch the two of them kiss in front of his eyes.
Lando did wrinkle his nose just thinking about it and he also pulled a face, because he had actually wanted to be the one to feel the Spaniard’s lips against his own. No, he definitely won’t do that, never ever in his life. Then he even preferred it to stay here and pout the whole evening long. Just everything else was better than to spend time with Carlos and his perfect girlfriend together.
All angrily, he threw his phone somewhere on the bed away, he didn’t even reply to his friend’s suggestion. Because the show on Netflix was shit as well, he turned it off, closed the curtains, because it was still light outside and pulled the pillow over his head, trying to shot out the world around him, while he screamed into the mattress.
But of course Lando didn’t fall asleep so easily. His brain just didn’t let him, it formed all kind of scenes in front of his inner eyes. What were Carlos and his girlfriend doing right now, because Lando obviously didn’t want to come over to them? God, of course they would do it.
They would have sex in the most enjoyable way, like Lando had always dreamed about it. Carlos would make his girlfriend feel as good as possible, probably even the whole night long. They will have much fun and in the end they will cuddle and tell each other how much they did love each other.
Damn, it was actually what Lando wanted. He wanted to see Carlos naked, he wanted the Spaniard to see him naked, to be the one to take his virginity from him. To run his fingertips over his skin, kiss his lips all gently and make love to him.
Lando wanted to cuddle with him afterwards, to have him close the whole night long and to whisper into his ear how much he meant to him. And his heart would have finally exploded, if Carlos would have also told him that he loved him.
But this won’t ever happen, at least not with him. A few rooms away it probably happened right now with Carlos and his beautiful girlfriend. And if Lando wouldn’t have been such an idiot, he would have prevented that with being finally a man, go over into his room, get to know his girlfriend and spend time with his team-mate.
But no, he must have been too stubborn once again and stay alone this evening, so the two of them could have some time on their own. Lando exactly knew he couldn’t prevent them to do it every time, god they had probably already done it more often than he could count anyway, but he would have prevented them from doing it tonight.
But why was he even still surprised about his own stupidly? Lando deserved it, he deserved it all. To be so stupid to fall in love with his team-mate, to make himself up hopes and now be disappointed and sad like a little baby. Be surprised about the obvious, about what he actually knew since the beginning. God, what a great night this will be.
The next morning, Lando somehow dragged himself out of bed with just a few hours of sleep. He was feeling horrible, just like he looked. Like yesterday, he tried to avoid his team-mate again, which wasn’t that easy. They even had two interviews together and while he tried to force himself to act like normal and even pull a smile on his face like his life hadn’t just end yesterday, Lando quickly ran away as soon as the damn interview was over.
He didn’t even let Carlos a chance to talk to him. But that changed, when the Spaniard came right into his direction in their garage and he asked instantly and directly if he hadn’t got his message last evening. Like it was nothing, Lando told his friend with maybe a little annoyed sounding voice “I was already asleep.”
“It wasn’t even eight o’clock then.” The older one said sceptical, while he eyed his friend with a frown. The Brit only shrugged his shoulders in response, before he talked to the next mechanic walking by and acted like he had an urgent question about his car as an excuse to get away from Carlos.
Qualifying was as alright as the practice yesterday. Not his best, but also not his worst, even when Lando was a little surprised about that. He was P9, while Carlos got even P6. Normally he would congratulate his team-mate about that, but not this afternoon.
He was once again relieved about the many interviews the Spaniard had to give in the late afternoon, so Lando could pack his stuff in peace and get back to the hotel before Carlos did.
Also his perfect girlfriend he had only seen a few times today. She was wearing a pretty summer dress today, her hair she had into a high braid and like yesterday she was shining with the sun together. Lando tried, he really tried to not look at her, because he knew he will only get even more jealous about her, but he just had to.
She was so beautiful, even for him. Even when he actually liked men, but still Lando had to admit that she was very gorgeous and he just had to look at her, he almost stared. And once again he got it that he was nothing compared to her. Which caused to make him feel sad and also ashamed once more.
This evening Lando wasn’t mad any more, instead he cried his eyes out. Of course, this evening didn’t come a message from Carlos. What had he actually expected? That Carlos will write him so long messages, till he will say yes? That he will beg him to spend time with him, because he did like his company more than his girlfriend’s? That he did mean more to him than she did? That he would prefer it to spend time with him and not with her?
Sure, keep on dreaming, Lando. Because that won’t ever happen. That was for sure. And especially after his behaviour towards him today and yesterday, Carlos definitely won’t write him tonight any more.
And once again Lando had to ask himself how stupid he actually was. Yesterday the Spaniard had obviously wanted to spend some time with him together and if he wouldn’t have been such an idiot, he should have agreed to it, because it was the closest he will ever get to his friend.
Yes, he would have had to meet his girlfriend, maybe even share some words with her and see the couple together, but that was the price he had to pay now. If he wanted to spend some time with his friend, he had to endure that. Ether so or nothing at all and tonight there was indeed nothing.
So Lando cried almost the whole night long and he felt like he looked the next morning. God, when will this weekend finally be over? Once again, he somehow dragged himself to their motorhome. He only stirred in his breakfast, couldn’t eat much, because he wasn’t feeling good.
It wasn’t good for his mood, when he finally also saw Carlos with his girlfriend together. She looked even more beautiful than the days before with the clothes she was wearing today and her pretty locks.
The two of them were posing for some pictures. Once again the Spaniard had wrapped his arms around her waist, while the woman laid her head against his shoulder and they both smiled happily into the camera.
Finally, the couple walked away hand in hand and Lando’s belly began to knot once again, when he watched how Carlos placed a soft kiss onto the woman’s cheek and caused her so to beam up at him.
In the end Lando was feelings so sick, that he needed to go to the toilet. He did vomit his less breakfast out of his trembling body and unfortunately he also got so the attention of his trainer, who had just found him sitting in front of the toilet.
Lando promised him he was alright, he was just feeling a little sick today. He didn’t know if Jon did buy him the story completely, but in the end he helped him into his room to prepare for the race.
Till the race started, he hadn’t shared one word with Carlos and Lando didn’t know if he should be happy or worried about it. Maybe his team-mate was angry at him now, because of his behaviour in the last days. Maybe he had enough of him. Great, really great how he had managed that again.
But right now Lando couldn’t change anything about it. They had to race, maybe later there will be some time when he could apologize by his friend. Even when he didn’t know where he should start.
Fitting to the whole weekend, Lando had to take his car back to the garage after the first ten laps, because of a technical breakdown. Actually he didn’t even want to cry any more or feel anything at all. Lando was just tired of everything, he only wanted to get to bed and forget the last few days.
He told his trainer that he needed some moments on his own, before he will change and they will head back to the hotel. All alone he was sitting on the fire escape of their motorhome, with his legs pulled against his chest, his chin on top of his knees and his thoughts far away, when he could hear the door behind his back getting opened.
Lando closed his eyes for a brief moment, because he actually really wanted to be alone right now. He didn’t want to see anyone and especially not the one who was coming his way, when he looked back over his shoulder.
“Is this seat still free?” Carlos’ girlfriend asked kindly and best Lando wanted to shout at her to get the fuck away from him, but he was too tired for that and his parents had also educated him way too well for that. So he finally only nodded his head and made some space for her.
The woman sat herself right next to Lando and after she was sitting comfortable, she breathed out loudly and said “I do also sometimes need a break from this all here. It’s always so loud and stressful.” The Brit didn’t response anything to do that, because he was sitting because of a whole different reason here. Shouldn’t she be better watching her boyfriend race anyway at the moment?
“We haven’t got the chance to get to know each other till now. So, I’m Natalie and you have to be Lando, right?” The woman asked once again all kindly. Of course, he was Lando. Carlos only had one team-mate, who else should he be? However, Lando did suppress the green monster inside himself, shook her hand and nodded in agreement.
“Carlos has already told me much about you, Lando.” Natalie went on, trying to start a conversation, but the younger one was still too depressed and way too tired to be that nice. So he only nodded his head, even when she hadn’t asked him anything.
They were quiet for a few moments, while the woman was eyeing his profile. Lando could tell, because he felt her pretty eyes on him. “You really shouldn’t be that hard on yourself. It’s not your fault about what had happened today. I bet next time you will be able to finish the race under the top ten again. Maybe even in front of Carlos”
Lando could only shrug his shoulders about that. He didn’t want to think about today any more or already about the next race, he just wanted his peace and to not think about anything at all. And especially he didn’t want to think about the Spaniard.
“Carlos has told me, that you are always very self-critical, but I think you really shouldn’t feel this way. You are a great driver, Lando. I’m sure you will count to the best one day. And it’s still your rookie season and you are doing a great job so far.” Natalie went on and Lando hated it to say that, but her words and the way she spoke to him did feel good.
Once again Lando couldn’t bring it over his heart to be like that, when he thanked her this time with words and also looked up into her eyes for the first time. Natalie gave him a warm smile and the younger one couldn’t act any different than smiling shyly back at her.
Lando still hated her even more, because he had got to know her and had found out how nice she actually was, even when he was a muppet the last days to her boyfriend. Natalie had still come and checked on him, even when she hadn’t known him before. Of course, she wanted to come along with him. Lando was her boyfriend’s team-mate, his friend, they will see each other more often in the future and she wanted to get along with him.
Even when Lando already knew right now that they won’t ever become friends. But he had to accept her and be nice to her, for Carlos. Because he did deserve it and it wasn’t the fault of the two of them, that Lando felt this way. They really hadn’t done anything wrong.
After the smile they had shared, they became silent again. And the questions were actually already ready on his tongue, but in the very last moment he bit down on his tongue to keep himself from asking the questions he definitely shouldn’t ask her.
About how Carlos’ lips did taste? The way she did feel when he told her he loved her with his whole heart? How his fingertips did feel on her skin? How it was to have him as close as possible? How it felt to call him hers? How it was to be able to wake up next to him?
These were all questions to which Lando won’t ever get an answer to and he sure as hell won’t ever find it out by himself. But still it caused new tears building up in his eyes and he tried to swallow down that knot inside his throat, while he looked away from Natalie.
“You know Lando, you mean a lot to Carlos.” She suddenly said out of nowhere and Lando got afraid that maybe she knew about his feelings to her boyfriend. How damn embarrassing that would have been. Natalie would eventually tell Carlos about it and latest then nothing will ever be like before again.
But when he looked over to her again, with still glassy eyes and an already shaking lower lip, Natalie only smiled down at him and her gaze seemed so warm and understanding. Yeah, but I won’t ever mean that much to him like you do, Lando told himself and that was the last thing he had needed to break.
Tears were falling down his cheeks, while he still looked up at the woman he actually hated so much, but also couldn’t at the same time, because she was so nice to him. Lando didn’t even try to hide his tears any more, it was too late for that anyway.
Natalie tilted her head and watched him struggling for some moments, till she couldn’t resist any more and took him into her arms. “It’s okay, Lando. Everything will be good, you will see. Just wait a little more, because it’s not on me to tell it to you.” She whispered into his curls, while she stroked over his trembling back and Lando had no clue about what she was exactly talking about at the moment.
He tried to take his whole straight left inside his body together, when he quickly whipped his tears with the sleeve of his fireproof shirt away and slowly pulled away from their embrace. “Thank you.” Was all he could manage to say, before Natalie smiled one more time down at him, placed her hand encouraging on top of his shoulder and finally left him alone again.
Minutes later, Lando followed her inside and even when he still felt horrible, he felt also a little bit lighter now. Of course, the green monster deep inside himself wasn’t asleep again, it probably won’t ever be whenever Natalie will be around, but he seemed to have it under control now.
Lando had to, because he simply had no other way. Either he came along with her or he will lose Carlos. And that was really the last thing he wanted.
After changing and packing up his stuff, Lando left the circuit and got into his hotel room. Even after taking a long shower, it was still way too early to go to bed now, even when he actually already wanted to do so.
But Lando knew that some fresh air would be good for him, so he went for a walk instead. Finally, he took place on a lonely meadow somewhere between the race track and the hotel. It was nice here, peacefully. A good place to think. Exactly what he needed at the moment.
Lando still wanted to apologize himself by his team-mate, but he still didn’t know where or how he should start. He probably won’t get the chance to do so anyway tonight.
Carlos will go with Natalie together on the party after the race, somewhere Lando definitely won’t go and also didn’t belong. They will have their fun there together and will continue it later in bed probably. Maybe Lando will call him tomorrow or write him a message, because he didn’t want to wait to apologize for too long. Carlos really didn’t deserve to get treated like that.
The Brit didn’t want to cry any more today, he felt like he had already spent his whole tears in the last few days anyway. He just wanted to sit here with his legs against his chest, watching the sunset and think.
But once again he wasn’t alone for too long, when he could hear a voice behind himself suddenly and once again it was actually the last person he had wanted to see at this moment. “Lando?” Carlos said his name all softly, the way the younger one actually liked it the most.
Lando hadn’t heard him coming closer, if so he maybe had run away, because he still wasn’t ready for his apology, but now he just had to be. And he didn’t know if he should be happy or even more nervous about that his team-mate was alone.
“What are you doing here, cabron?” He wanted to know, while he sat himself right next to him and eyed him all concerned. Lando only shrugged his shoulders in response, but still he added “Just sitting and thinking.”
Understanding the Spaniard nodded his head, but his answer only caused him to eye him even closer and his frown got also deeper. “Natalie had told me you were pretty upset after you had to stop the car.” Lando flinched together only when he heard her name and of course, he was upset. What else should he be after not being able to finish the race?
The Brit didn’t know what to answer to that, so he only licked his lips and looked into the distance. “Lando. Don’t be always so hard on yourself, especially when it’s not your fault and you have actually..” The older one tried to cheer him up and actually Lando was thankful for it, but at the same time it got him angry again.
“Don’t. Please, don’t. I don’t want to hear that today. It’s just..” He stopped then, because he was still too cowardly to apologize. “What’s wrong with you, Lando? I know there has to be something. You can talk to me.”
All ashamed and because he could feel tears in his eyes again, even when he thought he wasn’t able to cry for the next years again after all the tears he had already spent, Lando looked away from his team-mate and tried to swallow them down as good as possible.
Because he kept quiet and didn’t answer his question, Carlos changed the topic, when he said “So you have finally got to know Natalie.” It wasn’t a question, but Lando still nodded carefully his head, too afraid about moving too fast so the still present tears could fall over the edge of his eyes. And he was also afraid about speaking, because he was sure his voice will break.
“Is it because of her?” Carlos asked carefully and hit the nail directly onto its head with it. Yes, yes, yes. It was all because of her and Lando was so damn embarrassed about it, about everything he had done the last 72 hours.
“Was she nasty to you or has she said something wrong? What happened, Lando?” The Spaniard wanted to know and reached out for his wrist to make the younger one look up at him again. But Lando only hit his hand away from him. He actually didn’t mean to do that, but it was self-protection what let him did so.
“No, she hasn’t. She was all kind and polite to me, that’s the reason actually.” Lando finally told his friend under tears and his lower lip did tremble weakly. Carlos tilted his head and looked thoughtfully down to his friend “You are upset because she was too nice?”
Lando couldn’t hold his tears back any more then, they were rolling uncontrollable out of his eyes, but still he tried to hide his face inside his hands and began to cry bitterly into them. “Come here, little one.” Carlos whispered, before he laid his arm around his shaking shoulders and pulled him gently into his side.
Actually Lando didn’t want the closeness, but at the same time he needed it so badly. He let himself fall, let himself get hold, while he cried and cried. Lovingly Carlos rubbing his hand up and down his upper arm, while he cradled him carefully in his arms.
They were sitting like that already a half eternity, Lando’s tears had finally stopped, but he still didn’t want to pull away yet. It just felt so good to have the Spaniard close, while he still sniffed and held himself onto his shirt.
But the silence got finally interrupted, when Carlos began to speak in a calm voice “I want you to listen to me carefully now. Okay, little one?” The Spaniard waited for his agreement and only went on after Lando had nodded, already expecting the worst.
“Actually there is a reason, why Natalie is here this weekend. I have wanted to see your reaction to her, I have wanted to see what will happen when you see her. But I really haven’t expected such a reaction from you.” Lando couldn’t believe his ears. Carlos had done that on purpose? To make him feel uncomfortable and cause him to act like a complete idiot?
Suspected he pulled away from his friend and even when he was afraid to see his expression, he still looked up through his wet lashes at him. Carlos had a soft smile on his lips, of course, because his plan had worked. Lando had embarrassed himself once again, well done.
“I really haven’t thought someone so small like you could get that jealous.” The Spaniard teased him and Lando could exactly feel his cheeks heating up and his heart began to race as fast as his Formula One car. Because Carlos knew. Latest now, he knew his team-mate had a crush on him. And Lando was really that stupid to fall into his trap.
It should have probably calm him down, when the older one whipped the last of his present tears away from his cheek and stroked following the still lightly wet skin with the back of his fingers, but Lando got just even more nervous and uncomfortable because of it.
With still a soft smile on his lips, damn Carlos was a pretty good actor, the Spaniard looked down at him, before he carefully went on “Natalie, she actually isn’t my girlfriend. We only play to be together. For show, for the press. We aren’t a couple.”
Great, now Carlos even made fun of him. He did play with his feelings and even had fun doing so. “I better leave now.” Lando said as strong as he could, even when he had just got his heart broken.
“No, Lando. I’m telling you the truth.” Carlos quickly said and reached for his hand, before he could even stand up. The Spaniard didn’t let go from his hand, while he looked him deep into his eyes and almost Lando believed him. He was spellbound to his beautiful, dark brown eyes, while they made their way right into his soul. Lando could even see himself in those beautiful eyes of him.
“I know it sounds crazy and you think I make fun of you right now, but I really don’t. You can believe me, I promise. Natalie is a good friend of my family. We already know each other since we are kids and actually my dad came up with that idea, because he thought it would be easier for me this way. We don’t even share the same hotel room here.”
What would be easier? What was the reason why Carlos should have a fake girlfriend? Why should they only pretend like they were together? Why should he do that, when he could have any beautiful woman on this planet he wanted?
“Do you understand now?” The older one asked, when he got that his team-mate was still looking all confused, even more than before. “No.” Lando shook his head and was still all sceptical about this story.
Carlos rolled his eyes in response, but still he smiled softly at his younger friend. “I actually like men, Lando.”
Now everything made sense suddenly. Damn, he was really a blind idiot. All shocked Lando was looking up at his team-mate, because his brain still didn’t want to believe it that it was all true he had just heard. Maybe Carlos still made fun of him and will start to laugh at him in the next second.
But he didn’t. Instead, he smiled all lovingly down at him, his eyes were shining and maybe a little unsure himself he did finally bite down onto his lip, before he whispered carefully. “And especially I like a young man with a weird liking for milk.” Now Lando’s heart had definitely stopped to beat.
“Do.. do you really mean that seriously?” He just had to ask and if Carlos should tell him now that he had only made fun the whole time long, he will faint, that was for sure. But the older one seemed to have mercy with him, when he nodded his head.
“And you mean me with that?” The Spaniard giggled softly in response to his unnecessary question, but still he answered “I don’t know how many young man with such a liking you know, but I only know one.” Still to his bones shocked, Lando was only able to stare back at his friend. Maybe he was only dreaming this all here.
“I really like you, Lando.” He whispered carefully into the silence, like the words could break if he would say them too loud. “God, you are so damn cute, when you are jealous. Do you even know that?” Carlos said more to himself than to Lando, before he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss onto his warm cheek.
“Do you believe me now?” He still asked, while Lando moved with his fingertips over the spot on his face, where his lips had just touched his skin. All embarrassed he could feel himself blushing and all he could do was nodding his head.
“I have brought Natalie with me, because I finally wanted to know if I read the signs right. I wanted to know if you feel the same for me like I do for you. But damn, cabron, you reacted harder to her than I have actually expected. She has always told me that she was sure about that you have also feelings for me, everyone could actually see that and she was totally sure, after you have talked today. We really aren’t together, Lando. You can believe me. And I’m sorry that I brought you into this situation, but I have finally wanted to find out with that, what I am to you. Just your team-mate, some good friend or maybe more. And I have got my answer already.”
Once again, Carlos gave him that soft smile and because Lando had already forgotten the roller-coaster of feelings, all the mental break downs and tears from the last days, he did response his smile shyly.
Still in trance, the younger one did beam up at his team-mate, but he began to panic, when he watched Carlos standing up, afraid about that he will leave him now. But Lando quickly calmed down again, when the Spaniard reached out for his hand, which Lando took with pleasure.
He helped him onto his feet, even when they still felt were weak after what he had just got to know. “Come on, little one. Let’s go for a walk and I will explain everything to you. And if you want, you can later convince yourself that I’m really not sharing my hotel room. At least not until tonight.” Carlos winked at Lando and squeezed his hand still laying in his softly.