Archive of Our Own

These days, Poe considered, it felt like the general was more focused on Rey than she was on the Resistance. Not that there was anything necessarily wrong with that, and in his more rational moments Poe knew it was probably a little bit unfair of a judgment, but still. They had been on Ajan Kloss a few weeks now and it seemed like she was preoccupied with Rey’s jungle training course, leaving much of the day to day workings to Poe and the other officers.

Then again, Poe supposed that was what they were here for. He wanted to take as much of the burden of the Resistance off Leia’s shoulders as he could, so he couldn’t begrudge the fact he spent as much time now poring over datapads as he did in a cockpit. More, even.

Okay, he begrudged it a little, but only because he loved flying. Ledgers, not so much.

And it was unfair, Poe knew. Leia had built the Resistance herself. No one cared more than she did.

If she cared about Rey’s progress, too, that was her right. Rey getting stronger would only help them.

Poe supposed she was getting stronger, anyway. He almost never saw her anymore. She had mostly stopped flying missions with him and Finn, remaining on Ajan Kloss, disappearing into the jungle for hours, hiding in her little workshop, poring over the Jedi texts with C-3PO or Beaumont, building lightsabers.

Finn saw her more, probably. Poe had the impression Rey would rather spend time with Finn than she would Poe.

That was fair; she had known him longer, and they had bonded on Jakku. He suspected Rey’s stubbornness clashed with his own, and maybe he was a bit too… loud. Or something.

He liked her, mostly; he just wasn’t sure she liked him, most of the time.

So, he figured, if he wanted to know how Rey was, he should talk to Finn. Luckily, Finn was always happy to see Poe.

He brought Finn a pack of rations and tossed it to him. “Rey’s been spending a lot of time by herself, don’t you think?”

Finn tore the packet open and shrugged. “She’s pretty determined about the Force thing. Focused, you know?”

Poe made a dismissive sound. “Uh huh. But she’s always off in the jungle, or secluded in her workshop. Like she’s barely in the Resistance anymore.” Or maybe never really even was.

“That’s not true. She’s just pushing herself.”

“For what?”

“You know what.”

Okay, so maybe Poe did. Kylo Ren wasn’t likely to just forget about them, and it was Rey who would have to face him. Rey was the only one who could. “She already kicked his ass, right? So really, how much stronger does she need to be?”

Finn hesitated, the way he wouldn’t look Poe in the face telling. Finn knew something, or at least suspected something, and he didn’t want to tell Poe.

Well, fine. Finn could keep his secrets, too. Poe didn’t care.

“She should be out there with us,” he said, and Finn didn’t argue.

-

Poe sat up on a ledge, one foot dangling, his other knee drawn up, watching Snap and Karé’s X-wings fly up above the canopy and then wink out. BB-8 burbled at his side, the slight expression of envy reminiscent of the emotion brewing in Poe’s belly.

“I guess you’re pretty bored, huh, buddy? Not much like the old days, you and me and Black One.”

BB-8 agreed they had been a good team but he understood Partner-Poe was more important now.

Poe chuckled. “I don’t know about that, pal. I’m just helping the general where I can.”

From up here he could see a wide stretch of the base below, where Kaydel and Beaumont were leaning over a console, where Finn talked with Rey for a moment before she headed off down a well-worn path into the jungle. Poe watched her go, watched Finn staring after her, too. The lonely Jedi-in-training, always on her own.

Even if Poe, when he was honest, resented her attitude slightly, and her seclusion, it still made him feel sad, watching her be so determined to be alone. He knew where she had grown up, and how. She hadn’t had parents to care for her or friends to play games with and to do dumb stuff together. He couldn’t know how that felt, or how it felt to have the pressure of Kylo Ren looming over her.

It was funny how simple the idea was, once it came. If Rey didn’t want to let him in, he thought he knew someone she would welcome.

“Beebee-Ate,” Poe said, springing to his feet. “How’d you like a mission only you can do?”

The astromech’s rapid beeping made Poe grin.

-

Following Rey into the jungle was probably a mistake, Poe admitted to himself as he tripped on a tangled vine and wondered if he had, in fact, gone in a circle. “Beebee, are you sure we’re still heading northeast?”

Sounding slightly indignant, BB-8 assured Poe that his navigation was correct.

Poe sighed, and then nearly bumped straight into a slim Jedi looking at him with an arched eyebrow.

“Hey, buddy, you were right,” Poe said, rubbing the back of his head. “Rey.”

“Poe. What are you doing?”

“Looking for you, obviously.”

“Why?”

“Well, don’t sound so excited to see me.” After a pause during which Rey continued to watch him suspiciously, Poe went on, “It was an overture, actually, but if you don’t want--”

“An overture?” Rey’s suspicion edged to curiosity and Poe could see her posture relax.

“I just…” Suddenly this seemed awkward instead of being a great idea and Poe forced the words out. He wasn’t good at gestures when he had to explain them, okay? “I didn’t think you should be alone all the time, and Beebee is bored because we’re not flying so much, so I thought maybe he could hang out with you.”

BB-8 chirped happily from behind Poe.

For a moment Rey only looked surprised, and then her expression eased into a smile. “I’d love that. Thank you.”

She was beautiful when she smiled. Not that she wasn’t all the time, but especially when she smiled. She seemed to do it so rarely where Poe could see. Why was he thinking about that? “Yeah, well, you’ll be doing me and Beebee-Ate a favor.”

“Really? You don’t mind? I know you’re a team.”

“And you’re our friend.” At least, Poe hoped she thought of him that way. It would be sad if this was a one-sided thing, and kind of embarrassing. Especially after this. “It’ll be good.”

“Really good,” Rey agreed, beaming at BB-8 as he zoomed over to her.

If Poe felt a little twinge in his gut, well, it was nothing. This would be good. Really.

-

“It’s cute,” Finn said, from the bunk next to Poe’s. (It was more like a mat on the ground, honestly, but ‘bunk’ sounded better.) “You’re pining after your droid.”

“Shut up.”

“You think he likes Rey better?”

Poe threw a rock at Finn’s head; Finn yelped.

“Okay, okay! Crossed the line. But really.” Poe could hear Finn shifting. “It’s adorable that you miss him when he’s with Rey, and I’m honestly shocked you ever gave him to her.”

“I didn’t give him to her. I asked him to keep her company. It’s different.”

“Right.”

“He needed the exercise.”

“Uh huh.”

Poe rolled over, putting his back to Finn. It wasn’t like BB-8 wasn’t plugged into a charging port on the Tantive IV right now, or like he wouldn’t come racing back from the jungle immediately if Poe needed him. But it was true that tomorrow Poe was going on a supply run with Finn and Chewie and BB-8 wasn’t coming with, and that kind of… stunk.

So what if Poe would miss him? They were partners. Best pals. Finn didn’t understand.

In the quiet, Finn eventually offered, “It meant a lot to Rey.”

Poe put his effort into trying to sleep.

-

Poe wasn’t going to lie and say it wasn’t gratifying that as he stepped off the Millennium Falcon, BB-8 came rolling at high speed towards him from the jungle, Rey walking slightly behind. Poe knelt down in the dirt and hugged the droid’s carapace as he came to a stop, touching his forehead to the familiar domed top. “Buddy! Miss me?”

BB-8 emitted binary at a speed almost to match his trek out of the jungle, inquiring about Poe’s health and whether he’d been in trouble and did he require maintenance and –

“Buddy,” Poe interrupted, laughing. “I’m fine. And I’m glad to see you’re in good condition, too. Rey taking care of you?” He noticed Rey glance towards him at the sound of her name, from where she was talking to Finn just a couple of feet away.

The droid’s response was firmly affirmative, though Poe hadn’t really been concerned otherwise. He knew Rey cared about BB-8. He wouldn’t have trusted her with him otherwise.

“But you’re still my best bud, right?” Poe asked a little lower, conspiratorially, but not completely joking, if he was honest.

BB-8’s response was a little indignant, like he was offended Poe would suggest otherwise, and Poe patted his round body.

“I’m glad you’re getting along, though,” he said, louder, as Rey approached.

She leaned on her staff and said, “He’s excellent company.”

“And always has your back,” Poe agreed, smiling fondly at BB-8’s clearly pleased reaction.

“Always.” Rey met Poe’s eyes a little shyly. “Thanks for letting him stay with me.”

“I’m happy he’s keeping occupied.” Poe rose out of his crouch and back onto his feet. “Besides, if you’re friends with Finn and Beebee-Ate, kind of means you have to be my friend, too, right? No matter how hard you want to avoid it.”

“I’m not avoiding being your friend.”

Poe shrugged. “Okay.”

Rey’s arms went across her chest and she observed him pointedly. “I hurt your feelings.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Her lips were faintly curving up at the corners. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to. If I hug you like Finn does, then would you know I’m your friend?”

“Okay, okay, I got it,” Poe said, scowling a little. “I’m loud, you’re reserved, we’re both kind of jerks.”

Rey laughed and wrapped her hand briefly around Poe’s arm, squeezing. “Finn says you got some fruit. Put some aside for me and we can definitely be friends.”

“I see how this works,” Poe said, but he smiled back at her, and BB-8 chirped cheerfully near their knees.

-

Poe hand-delivered a basket of fruit to Rey’s workshop and was embarrassed by how much he liked the way she smiled at him.

-

Rey still stayed on Ajan Kloss without ever going off-world and she still spent most of her time secluded in her workshop or in the jungle training, but Poe had noticed what he thought could only be a deliberate effort to spend a little more time with him. Mostly she seemed happy enough to eat with him, every so often when he was on base.

Poe had just finished up a meeting with a few of the pilots before they left for a recon flight, and now was sharing some food with Rey and Rose. Most of the fresh stuff was gone by now so they were left with reconstituted protein and a bit of this tangy melon that grew on the planet. Poe made a mental note to schedule a few more foraging parties; if they were going to have their base on a fertile planet, may as well make use of what it had to offer.

Rose had just been providing a progress update on some repairs, and then said, “I hope Tessalie and the others are doing okay.”

“Who?”

“The porgs we left on Minfar. You know.”

Poe and Rey exchanged tiny, amused smirks. “Of course,” Poe said, slightly exaggerated, like he remembered Rose’s pet porgs beyond his idle musings as to how they would taste skewered and roasted and hoping they wouldn’t nest in BB-8 while he was charging.

(Okay, he wouldn’t have actually eaten them; that would have made Rose sad. But he had wondered. They looked a little bit like a species of bird they had on Yavin 4 that his mom used to make for special occasions when Poe was young. Delicious.)

“Do you think they have families by now? I’d love to visit them.”

Poe stopped thinking about food and indulged Rose. “Probably, they multiplied like nothing else. We did promise the Zixon we’d come back, right?”

“We can bring Finn,” Rey said in support. “Once we’re more settled, and it’s not so… exciting around here.”

What none of them mentioned was that that was unlikely to happen as long as the war was still on. They needed no reminder.

“I’d like that,” Rose said, and honestly, it sounded pretty good to Poe, too.

“Maybe we wouldn’t even get chased by the First Order this time,” he said, and Rey arched an eyebrow.

“Well, now you’ve guaranteed we will be,” she said, smacking him lightly on the arm.

Poe rubbed his arm theatrically. “Rose, did you see that? She’s so violent. I need protection.”

Rose just rolled her eyes at them, and Poe considered this was the easiest interaction he’d had with Rey since they got to this planet.

-

Even if Rey wasn’t avoiding him anymore, and was maybe deliberately seeking out his company at least a little, she still saw Finn more. And Poe wasn’t jealous. He understood that Rey had spent years on Jakku alone, and then she had found Finn. He understood the sort of bond that came from surviving together; escaping a Star Destroyer with Finn had formed the foundation of their relationship, after all. If Poe hadn’t lost Finn on Jakku, maybe it would have been more, and maybe he would have that bond with Rey, too.

But it hadn’t worked out that way, and it was silly to be jealous.

He was maybe a tiny bit jealous.

If she would just… So, fine, she would rather devote most of her free time to Finn, whatever. And he supposed it was her right to train all the damn time. But that meant she was out there in the jungle, meditating, while Poe’s friends were risking their lives for the Resistance. It was like she didn’t care at all. What was she even here for, then? Why pretend it was about the Resistance, when it was clearly only about Leia?

Before they’d settled here, Poe had thought it was different. Rey had fought for them. She had been one of them. As much as Poe tried to understand the necessity of what she was doing now, he couldn’t understand how she could stay here on the ground while everyone else around her was waging a war that couldn’t be lost.

But, hey. Poe was just a pilot, right? What the hell did he know about anything?

Finn had happily volunteered for several of the foraging parties, claiming that he was tired of getting shot at and would rather trek through the woods and dig in the dirt. Poe supposed that was fair, though really they weren’t getting shot at quite as much recently as Finn’s attitude would suggest.

(Okay, they had been shot at just last week, and then there was Nar Shadaa, and yeah, okay, Finn had a point.)

Today he came traipsing out with Rey, weighed down with bags, BB-8 following. Their boots were muddy and Rey’s white wrap wasn’t so white anymore, but they were laughing like they’d had the time of their lives. Rey had never laughed like that around Poe, not once.

Finn caught sight of Poe and grinned at him, and Poe pushed down whatever the weird feeling in his gut was. Finn spread his arms as if to encompass their offerings. “Look how much we found! And I don’t think any of it will kill anyone. Probably.”

BB-8 beeped that he had analyzed the food for the possibility of danger to humans and other species in the Resistance, and Poe said, “Thanks, pal. We’ll have the tests verified just to be safe.” He was weirdly grateful for the practical distraction of BB-8, but once that was through, he found himself at a loss.

A tiny leaf had become caught in Rey’s hair. Poe looked at it, and looked away, and looked at it again, and then leaned over to brush it away.

Rey jerked back, then relaxed when she realized what Poe was doing, her cheeks faintly pinking.

“Uh, sorry,” he said, and backed away again. They were both staring at him now, Finn and Rey, and heat crept up the back of his neck. Sudden embarrassment made him defensive.

“I’m surprised you could tear yourself away from your training course long enough to help us,” he blurted out.

“Poe,” Finn said warningly, but Rey’s eyes were blazing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I said. You claim to be with us but you’re not really, are you?”

 “So I suppose the next time Finn asks for my help I should refuse? Since I’m not really here anyway?”

“You aren’t here for us. It’s been getting clearer and clearer to me that you’re only here because you need Leia. You don’t give a damn about what the rest of us are trying to do.”

She looked like she wanted to hit him, and maybe he was lucky she didn’t use the Force. “You don’t know a thing about me.”

“Maybe I would if you’d spend more than five minutes at a time out here with us, or if you hadn’t given up entirely on going out on your share of missions!” The words tasted bitter in Poe’s mouth and he wondered if Rey would stop having lunch with him, which was a really kriffing stupid thing to be thinking about.

BB-8 was cowering in the brush behind them and Finn was looking from Poe to Rey and back again, frustrated.

“I have work to do,” Rey said, dumping her foraging bags into the dirt and pushing past Poe, knocking heavily into his shoulder.

He let her go.

“Nice,” Finn said, dripping with sarcasm, and went after Rey.

“I’m not wrong,” Poe insisted, and wondered why if that was true, he felt so nauseous. “I’m not wrong,” he said again, quieter, directed at BB-8, and the droid whistled something not repeatable in front of children.

-

“You’re a son of a Hutt,” Finn said to him later, and Poe didn’t argue.

He still felt like what he had said was true, and there was a ball of anger in his belly whenever he thought of Rey isolating herself at the expense of the Resistance, but mostly what he felt was shame. Why the hell would Rey ever want to help them if when she did, she got treated like that?

And why would she ever truly consider Poe a friend?

He knew that he needed to apologize, but Poe wasn’t so good at apologies. He was afraid if he tried he was just going to mess it up again, make it worse. He also didn’t know that he could be completely honest about feeling sorry when the core of what he had said was what he believed, even if the delivery had been terrible and Rey hadn’t deserved it. He was sorry for the way he had said it but he wasn’t entirely sorry for what he’d said.

Maybe that made him awful.

He thought about doing something for her, but what could he do? He didn’t know a damn thing about Jedi training or ancient books, and while he knew mechanics it was mostly limited to ships. He could offer to help her fix a ship but she didn’t need that; he certainly couldn’t do anything about her lightsaber.

In the end, he went through the food she and Finn had foraged and he picked out what he thought was the best of it, and he dropped it off at her workshop. He almost hoped she wouldn’t be there, but she was, gazing at him warily.

Poe presented her with the small box. He didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything at all; generally it was better when he kept his stupid mouth shut, and maybe one of these days he would actually learn that.

Rey accepted it, placing it on a corner of her messy bench, tools and books scattered everywhere. She hesitated and then said, “I’m not… an expert or anything, but I think maybe friendship requires something more than food.”

“Yeah,” Poe said, and rubbed his hand through the hair on the back of his head. “I’m sorry.” He hoped she knew he meant it for more than just this.

He was a little surprised when she stood up, nervousness in the unsure set of her stance. “I know you think you know what the Resistance needs, and I’m not going to argue with you. Leia trusts you, and you know a lot more about all of this,” she said with a gesture of her hand towards the surrounding base, “than I do. But there are things that I know better than you, and I guess you’ll just have to accept that I’m trying, in my way, to do the right thing. Just like I think you are, in your way.”

It was humbling, and also, honestly, embarrassing, that this woman who was a decade younger than him at least could show more grace and maturity than Poe certainly had been demonstrating. “I’m kind of new to this,” he said, his small smile self-deprecating, and it made him feel a lot better when Rey smiled back.

“I know. I am, too.”

“Let me know if I can ever do anything to help you,” he said, a peace offering, and Rey nodded.

“I will,” she said, and Poe didn’t know if she meant it, or if she would ever take him up on that, but he was glad anyway.

-

In spite of the fact that she never flew it these days, Rey was still territorial about the Millennium Falcon. She checked over every inch of the ship with Chewbacca after missions, and side-eyed Poe suspiciously when he came back. He was used to her sudden outbursts about him frying circuits even though it wasn’t his fault, honestly, the ship was great but she was a rust bucket held together with screws and willpower. Something fell apart nearly every time she lifted off the ground.

Poe had to bite his tongue from yelling at Rey that if she was so concerned she should take over the piloting herself.

Alright, sometimes he didn’t bother biting his tongue and just said it. He had to defend himself.

It was usually around then that Finn would sigh and bow himself out of the middle of the argument. Even Chewbacca would only roar the occasional comment from the sidelines, usually when he thought Poe had done something too risky.

Risky. Bantha shit. To be a good pilot you had to take risks; you had to be willing to do whatever it took, and you had to trust your ship could get the job done. If he enjoyed it, well, that was just being a pilot.

Like Poe hadn’t seen Rey pull some crazy stunts of her own, back when she was still willing to put herself in a cockpit. It was a waste for her to be stuck on the ground.

It was a circular argument, you see? They just went round and round and never got anywhere, but they couldn’t seem to stop playing the game. Poe wondered what it was going to take to break the cycle, and he wondered if they would be able to come back from it.

-

BB-8 spent most of his days with Rey now, but Poe appreciated that the droid still gravitated to him in empty moments of downtime, would rouse himself from charging and sit by Poe in the evening when he was going over reports and making plans.

“Beebee, pal, you’d be honest with me, right?”

The droid’s response was almost annoyed, going beyond the simple fact that his programming made it possible for him to reveal anything but the truth as he saw it.

“Okay, don’t get all offended.” Poe sighed. “I just… wonder about Rey.”

A questioning beep echoed in the silence.

“Is she okay?”

BB-8 responded that she was in perfect health.

“No, that’s not what I mean. Is she okay?” At BB-8’s continued confusion, Poe explained, “You know part of why I asked to spend time with her was because I was… I was worried about her, right? And how she’s always by herself?”

When Poe paused, he received an affirmative in binary.

“Then… does she seem okay?” Poe wanted to smack himself. He was trying to get a read on Rey’s emotional well-being from an astromech.

He was an idiot.

But BB-8 was swiveling and tilting his headpiece in the way that Poe knew meant he was computing furiously, devoting energy to arriving at the proper and accurate response. Eventually BB-8 deemed Rey “afraid”.

Surprised, Poe gazed at the droid, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to give Poe the elaboration he desired, and almost asked for it anyway.

Finn would know. Finn would know exactly what Rey was afraid of, or at least he would have a pretty good idea.

Poe knew he wouldn’t ask.

“Thanks, Beebee-Ate,” he said, patting the droid’s round form. “You’re doing a good job keeping her company.”

BB-8’s responding chirp was as pleased as an astromech could get, and Poe thought about what he’d said for a long time.

-

“Yeah, that’s great, try it,” Poe said to one of the engineers who was working on transferring more power out of the Tantive IV, dismissing her as he caught sight of Rey waiting awkwardly for him. He couldn’t imagine what she wanted with him but figured he would either like it or end up shouting. “Hey.”

She was shifting her weight lightly between her feet and it took Poe a second to realize that she was nervous. Strange. “Do you still need anyone to forage for supplies in the jungle?”

Poe blinked. “Yeah, always. Funny thing about armies, even small ones, is they eat a lot.”

Rey didn’t smile. Well, it hadn’t been a great joke, anyway. “Maybe I could do it?”

“Is that an offer?” Poe tried not to reveal how surprised he was.

“Yes. It’s an offer.”

“I’m not going to turn it down, then. Thanks.”

Rey moved towards him a little, still practically vibrating with nervous energy. “Did you want to come with me?”

“I…” Poe exhaled, hesitating. He had no idea what was going on. First she was offering to give up her time to aid the Resistance, and now she wanted to do it with him? He wasn’t Finn, she wasn’t going to come out of the jungle laughing, and –

“Sorry,” she was saying, visibly discouraged. “That was stupid, you’re busy. You’re the commander, of course you don’t go out foraging, you--”

“Rey.” Poe reached out and gripped her shoulders. At the look on her face he nearly pulled back and did some apologizing of his own, but then she relaxed. He gently released her but didn’t move away. “Yeah, I’m busy, but so are you, and so are we all. Honestly, I could use a break to dig around in the jungle.” There was a reason foraging was one of the more popular tasks around here. “I was just… I wasn’t expecting you to ask.”

“You said I could ask you, if I needed help. Right?”

Poe smiled slowly at her. “Right.”

-

They argued over directions, got lost twice, and somehow Poe managed to trip and land in a gully, but mostly what he would remember about their foraging venture later was that he did make Rey laugh.

-

Poe didn’t know exactly how Kaydel had discovered the bit of information that it was Rose’s birthday, considering how little attention Rose liked to draw to herself, but she had, and they had all agreed Rose’s birthday deserved some recognition. He was studiously avoiding the dubiously termed ‘alcohol’ the engineers cooked up and was instead enjoying a generously donated bottle of wine Chewbacca had dug up from somewhere. Kaydel had coaxed Rose into dancing with her and Beaumont so Poe was passing the last quarter of the bottle between himself, Finn, and Rey.

It was strong wine, and they were all a little tipsy. Mostly Poe felt warm and happy, even if he wished Rey would sit closer to him instead of leaning with her shoulder pressed to Finn.

What? No. That was drunk brain, surely.

“Do you think Beaumont is trying to seduce them?” Finn wondered. “Or is it the other way around?”

Poe blinked slowly and looked over toward the birthday girl and her… friends? He was almost positive Rose and Kaydel were already sleeping together, and watching their body language from across the clearing, even with his mind slightly fuzzy, he considered that Finn had a point. “The other way around, surely.”

“Yeah, that’s my guess. Beaumont looks torn between running away and accepting that all his dreams are coming true.”

Rey snorted and Finn grinned at her.

“I’m gonna go ask Suralinda, she usually knows the gossip.” Finn hauled himself up and was out of sight in a second, leaving Rey to sway for a moment before she righted herself.

Poe definitely wasn’t the only one feeling the effects of the wine, here. He took another swallow before passing the bottle. “If Sura doesn’t know the gossip, she’s happy to make some up herself.” He paused. “Then usually it comes true.”

Rey’s eyes were amused as she tilted her head back, lips closed around the rim of the bottle. Poe tried not to watch with quite so much interest.

She tossed the bottle aside afterwards, declaring, “Empty.”

“Probably for the best,” Poe said. “I’ve gotta be up in the morning.”

“Leia wouldn’t like it if I were hungover for meditation,” Rey agreed. She leaned back on her hands, gaze vaguely unfocused as she looked out at their friends, contentment on her face.

“What’re you thinking about?” Poe asked, nudging Rey’s foot with the toe of his boot.

“Nothing,” Rey said, which obviously wasn’t true. Poe had a moment to be hurt, because of course, why would she ever want to share anything with him? And then she met his eyes, clearly reconsidering.

She took a breath. “I was thinking… I grew up knowing I was nobody. On Jakku, everyone is nobody, really. I clung to the hope that my family would return for me, long after I should have. Ben… Kylo Ren told me that they threw me away like trash. He was right.”

Horrified, Poe knew he shouldn’t interrupt but couldn’t stop his reflexive response of, “No, he wasn’t.”

Rey’s lips curved faintly. “He was. But he was wrong about what that meant. He was lonely, and he wanted me to be alone, too, so that I would stay with him. He wanted me to feel like I didn’t belong anywhere but with him, because he thought he belonged only with me. But I wasn’t alone. I have a family.”

She kept looking right at him, and even through the tipsy, cloudy haze of his mind, Poe knew that this was important, and he was… The warmth in his belly wasn’t only from the wine. “Family can fight and still love each other,” he said, his voice a little rough.

Rey was genuinely smiling at him now. “I know,” she said, and for maybe the first time, Poe didn’t feel like he was only on the outside when it came to Rey.

-

“We’re heading out to the Sinta Glacier Colony soon,” Poe said to Rey, leaning his hip against the side of her workbench, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Me, Finn, Chewie. Artoo. To meet with Boolio.”

“I know,” Rey said, not looking up from her work. The cylindrical form in front of her actually resembled a lightsaber hilt now, which Poe figured must be progress. Seemed like she’d been tinkering with it for ages. He wondered where she was planning on getting the crystal from.

Maybe that would be what got her off this planet. More Jedi stuff.

“You could come with us. Last chance.” The offer was made idly, like Poe didn’t care either way, but judging by the sharp way Rey glanced up at him, he wasn’t fooling her.

“I… have something I need to do.”

“Yeah. I figured.” Poe straightened. “You always do.”

“You guys make a good team. You’ll be fine. Besides, I thought you liked flying the Falcon.”

That was obviously an attempt to distract and Poe wasn’t going to go for it. “I do. That’s not the point.”

Rey looked away from him. “Master Leia needs me to figure this out.”

I need you. “We need you,” Poe said, and left before she could disappoint him again.

-

It was really something, Poe thought, Rey acting like his lightspeed skipping the Falcon was anything like her dropping a kriffing tree on BB-8. BB-8! They’d been in trouble, and Poe had gotten them out of it, no thanks to Rey, who had been buried in the jungle, again. Dropping a tree on the droid Poe had left with her to faithfully look after her and keep her company.

Hell.

For probably the tenth time, as Rose welded a new cover fitting, BB-8 burbled that it had been an accident.

“I know, buddy,” Poe said, sighing. “Doesn’t make it okay, though.”

BB-8 reminded him about how he would feel if someone trashed his ship while he wasn’t there.

Poe conceded the point, but added, “But she wasn’t there. That’s the problem.”

That was the real problem.

“We all have our parts in this,” Rose piped up. “Rey is preparing for hers.”

“She’s hiding. She’s afraid.” He almost felt guilty at drawing on the answer to his question about Rey that BB-8 had given him in good faith, but only almost.

“Wouldn’t you be?”

Poe didn’t have an answer to that.

When Poe emerged from Rose’s workshop, BB-8 trundling along happily near his feet, he found Rey not long after, bent over some books with Beaumont. She looked up at him, and Poe pretended not to completely see through the fact that she had chosen this particular location for a study session.

His already fading anger retreated further.

“He looks good,” Rey offered, a bit tentatively, smiling when BB-8 whistled at her.

“Rose was both gentle and thorough,” Poe agreed. He nodded at her, and Rey nodded back, and that was that.

-

Rey was going to go to Pasaana by herself. Didn’t need to be a genius to figure that out, just needed to know Rey. Poe liked to think he knew her pretty damn well by now.

Poe took one look at Finn and knew neither of them were gonna let that happen.

Though she protested at first, because of course, her smile when she relented, sweet and shy and pleased, made Poe feel like any potential trouble they encountered would be worth it.

-

He spoke too soon. He always spoke too soon.

-

The flying stormtroopers were annoying, but, eh, stormtroopers. Poe could handle stormtroopers.

The sinking sands were worse. Poe had absolutely not planned on dying engulfed in sand while Finn talked about secrets meant only for Rey and not for him.

Happily, he didn’t die, though his ass was going to be feeling the landing for a while. Equally pleasing, he was able to catch hold of Rey as she crashed through to prevent her ass from suffering the same fate as his. If he took the slightest extra moment to cling to her as she got settled, well, that wasn’t anything. He was just glad she was okay.

It also definitely wasn’t petty that he interrupted Rey’s private moment with Finn. They didn’t get to have private moments, okay, they were on a mission, and anything private could be shared with Poe because he outranked them both. Right? Besides, they were friends, right, and friends didn’t keep secrets.

And if in his heart he felt like he knew what Finn wanted to tell her, and he knew he didn’t like it, he couldn’t do anything about that. He couldn’t do anything about the stabbing pressure it created in his chest, either.

So maybe he deserved to be a little petty.

-

It wasn’t far to Kijimi, which was good, because they were on a tight deadline. It was also good because the last thing any of them needed right now was empty time stuck on a ship to fill with worrying and brooding.

Poe left Finn in the cockpit, insisting it would be good flying practice, and went to find Rey in the hold. He knew she didn’t want to be found, least of all by him, but somehow he knew it was the right thing to find her anyway.

She definitely had the look of a woman with a good brood going on, but he was happy to notice BB-8 was keeping her company, along with some tiny green and white droid. Poe was going to need some answers on that, but in a minute.

He sat next to her. “Did you know you could do that? The lightning thing?”

Yeah, she absolutely hadn’t wanted to be found. She didn’t even look at him. “No.”

There was a story there, but it was clearly a story Rey didn’t want to tell him. That uncomfortable sense of jealousy was spiking again as he wondered if she had talked about it with Finn. He squashed all of that down because none of it was helpful and the last thing he wanted right now was to make things worse because he acted like an ass.

Everything that sprang to mind Poe rejected as the wrong thing to say. Finally he said, “It was an accident.”

Wow. Real insightful, there, Dameron. Very comforting.

“I murdered him,” Rey spat back, looking at him with fire in her eyes, looking like she was half a second from sobbing.

“Well, that’s a pointless train of thought. What good is that gonna do? You sitting here blaming yourself? Falling apart? You think Chewie would want that?”

“I can’t exactly ask him because he’s dead.”

“Rey,” Poe said as he touched her knee, angling his body towards her. “Chewie loved you. And this? This kriffing stinks. But we’re going to end this. You hear me? We’re going to end this, and we’re gonna kill a hell of a lot of First Order bastards while we’re at it because that’s what Chewie would do.”

Rey made this funny hiccupping laugh and then covered her mouth with her hand. Poe grinned at her, and she slowly lowered her hand, smiling a little at him. “You’re actually not good at pep talks,” she said.

“Yeah, I know.” Poe sighed intentionally dramatically. “But I got you to make that hilarious sound anyway so I’m counting this as a win.”

She called him a derogatory word in another language that she probably thought he didn’t know, but she had called him that enough times by now that he’d figured it out.

He magnanimously let it go, considering she was grieving. It obviously had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that he was pleased at how moderately successful he’d been at stopping her solitary sulking, and definitely wasn’t because he half-considered it an endearment.

That, Poe thought firmly, would be stupid.

-

Zorii was easy.

No, that was a horrible lie. Nothing with Zorii had ever been easy, least of all the woman herself. But falling back into an old but familiar pattern, teasing and banter and pushing to see how far he could get before she smacked him, that was easy.

Unlike whatever was going on with Rey.

On Kef Bir, he didn’t know what to make of the maelstrom of emotions swirling inside him. He was so kriffing angry he thought he could kill her when they found her again, but when he picked up Finn and Jannah at the wreckage and knew Rey was gone, the fury simmered down into a ball of nausea and he was just… tired. Tired of worrying, tired of failing, tired of not knowing what to do, of doing the wrong thing.

He wasn’t Leia. He never would be.

Then he arrived back on Ajan Kloss and realized he had damn well better figure out how to be a general who wasn’t Leia but could fill her shoes, and he needed to do it fast.

-

Poe had known Finn was fine. He knew Lando had picked him up on the Falcon. He had known Finn was okay.

There was still nothing that compared to his relief when he caught sight of Finn across the clearing on Ajan Kloss.

At least, there was nothing that compared until he stood with his shoulder pressed to Finn and saw Rey.

In all honesty, she looked awful, exhausted and covered in sweat and blood and dirt. Poe felt his heart swell with affection.

There was a press of beings all around them as Poe tucked his face into Finn’s neck and clutched Rey’s hand but they could have been the only ones on the entire planet for as much as Poe cared about anything beyond the two people in his arms. They were alive and safe and Poe loved them.

“I’m Force-sensitive,” Finn whispered. “That’s what I was going to say on Pasaana.”

Rey went still for a moment and then said, “Finn,” and Poe just…

Poe started laughing, because… because of course he was. Of kriffing course he was, and it was amazing, and of course Poe’s best friends had the fucking Force, and no wonder they had been so drawn to each other, and that was why he had been totally not jealous, because Finn wasn’t declaring his love for Rey, he just had the Force.

“I think he’s lost it,” Finn said, Poe just kept laughing as BB-8 rolled in circles around their feet, because it was okay, and everything was going to be okay, and Poe really kriffing loved them.

Just… just maybe not in quite the same way, but he was figuring that out.

-

It wasn’t all happy. They had lost a lot of people at Exegol, good people, friends. Poe wouldn’t soon forget Norra Wexley’s burning anger and guilt, or the way Karé had cried when he found her by her ship and then asked to be alone. 

There would be time enough for grief, and Poe couldn’t focus on that now. If he had a drink to forget, and if he stayed with Rey and Finn a little to forget, too, he felt he was owed that luxury.

The drink helped dull the ache in his arm, too, and damn but he’d forgotten how much a good blaster burn could sting. There hadn’t been time for much beyond slapping some bacta on it but Poe was fairly sure it had put a sizeable hole in the muscle of his arm, and that was something he’d have to deal with later, too.

Now he was mostly content to take a seat on a log and watch curiously as Suralinda found Zorii, and that was a partnership that justified a foreboding sense of fear. Seriously. That was no good. He wondered if he could –

“Boring,” Finn said, cutting into Poe’s thoughts. “It’s too early for sitting, Poe. Come and dance with me.”

“Nah, I’m wounded. Can’t dance with one arm.”

“Lame. That is a lame excuse. I’ve seen enough holovids to know--”

“I can’t be held responsible for manufactured footage,” Poe protested, as Rey laughed.

“Your friends guarantee the authenticity,” Finn said with a grin, tugging at Poe’s good hand.

“They’re not really my friends, obviously. You go on,” Poe insisted. “I’m just gonna sit here for a minute. Old bones, you know?”

Finn rolled his eyes but relented. “Yeah, real old. Keep an eye on the old man for me, Rey?”

She smiled at him, a sort of quiet, unstated understanding passing between them that Poe tried to not be jealous of. He didn’t need to be. “Sure.”

With one last look at Poe, Finn sought out Jannah in the crowd, swaying his hips to the music, laughing at whatever Jannah was saying to him. As Rey took a seat beside him on the log, Poe said, “I notice he didn’t try to goad you into celebrating.”

He was sorry as soon as he said it. Of course Finn hadn’t. Look at her. She hadn’t said exactly what had happened down there on Exegol, but they knew enough to know it had taken a toll.

“Maybe I used the Force so he wouldn’t,” Rey said, casually off-hand.

Poe narrowed his eyes as he gazed sideways at her.

Her lips twitched.

He shoved her lightly. “You’re an ass. Has anyone told you that?”

“Just you.”

“Well, good thing you keep me around, then.”

Rey didn’t give him quite the smile she had to Finn, but he didn’t think he was wrong in seeing affection there in the way she looked at him. Then her gaze shifted again, away from Poe and back to the crowd of their friends and companions, happy to be alive, to be free.

“Rey,” he said. “Are you okay?”

She didn’t look towards him but she reached to find his hand, squeezing it. “I’m… I’m good,” she said. “I’m good.” The word sounded wondering as she repeated it. “Seems strange, yeah? And I’m… There’s so much I need to tell you, and Finn. But right now, I’m… good.”

Poe returned the comforting pressure of her hand and felt only a little stupid when he said, “Good.”

Rey slipped her hand from his and Poe had only a second to mourn the loss before he felt her fingertips press lightly to his arm. “Do you want me to fix it? I can, you know.”

Yeah, Poe knew, and it was amazing and a little scary-weird at the same time. “It takes something out of you, though. Doesn’t it? Isn’t that what you said on Pasaana? A transfer of energy.”

There was something in Rey’s eyes that Poe couldn’t read, something deep and solemn and sad, and Poe hoped she would tell him about it sometime. “Yes. But I would be… glad to do it for you.”

When Poe rested his hand over Rey’s where it still pressed to his arm, their gazes locked, he thought… He knew what this feeling was; it wasn’t his first time, after all. What surprised him was that he thought Rey was feeling it, too. “That means a lot to me. But I’m fine, really. I’ll have a sexy scar.”

She huffed a laugh, and even when they drew apart, Poe still felt closer to her than he ever had.

“I know you miss her.” At Poe’s indrawn breath, Rey went on, “I don’t have to do anything untoward to know that, Poe. I miss her, too.”

“Yeah.”

“When Leia… when she… passed, she was thinking of Ben, but she was thinking of us, too. She trusted us with her legacy. She trusted you with the Resistance because she knew you could do it.”

Poe’s chest was tightening, his breath catching in his lungs, pressure building behind his temples. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” he admitted. “Do you know how close I was to giving up? She shouldn’t…”

He felt her eyes on him, and made himself turn to meet her warm, hazel gaze. “She knew you would come through, that you would find what you needed, what the Resistance needed. You’re going to do the right thing, now, too, in this new world we’re building. Don’t repay her faith by doubting yourself.”

Poe swallowed. “Easy for you to say.” Rey the Jedi, the legacy, who defeated Palpatine.

A harsh laugh bubbled up out of Rey’s throat. “Not really, no. But that’s for later, remember? Finn has the right of it, I think. We deserve a chance to…” She trailed off.

“Have fun?”

“Something like that.”

“Not sure I remember how.” Well, that wasn’t true. Wasn’t like Poe had put himself into enforced suffering all those hours in hyperspace, or on the ground in the odd bit of downtime between missions. He had been in this fight for years; he knew how to take advantage of the good times when they came.

But this was different. All the leadership was gone, First Order and Final Order both, and it wasn’t even like the days after the Emperor had fallen before. All across the galaxy, First Order ships had been reported destroyed. What was left was less than a shadow.

Rey was right; what was ahead was simply the new world they would build.

“It probably looks a bit like that,” Rey said, gesturing to the party raging around them, and Poe focused back on her voice.

“You first,” he said, and grinned a little at the doubtful face she made.

So they continued to sit, but that was okay, Poe thought. Just sitting wasn’t something they’d had a lot of time for recently, either. Even if just sitting made Poe antsy and bored if he got too much of it, and also made him think too much, and Poe wasn’t a fan of thinking too much.

Though maybe, he allowed, sometimes he needed to think a little bit more than he did, and that was one of the things Leia had taught him. And maybe, he thought, what it took to break the cycle was talking about it.

“Hey,” he said, nudging Rey’s thigh with his knee. “On Kef Bir. You know I… I was just trying to do the right thing.”

“I know. I was, too. I thought I could protect you, all of you, if I went on my own.”

“Yeah. I realized that. Later.”

“I think we can agree,” Rey said, humor in her tone, “that we’re both stubborn and inclined to rush off in the name of what we think is right.”

“Fair enough. But we make a pretty good team, too, when we remember to be one.” He nudged her again.

This time, Rey’s smile was radiant. “We do.”

“See, this talking thing, it’s not so hard.” Poe laughed at Rey’s expression. “Okay, it’s a little hard. But Finn will be proud of us.”

“He’d better be.”

Finn, at the moment, appeared to have decided to partake in the engineers’ brew of doom, so Poe had suspicions he would be feeling a few things other than pride for the foreseeable future. Poe’s stomach twinged in sympathy.

Figuring since they were doing the talking thing anyway, they may as well keep on at it, Poe ventured cautiously, “Sometimes, er, well, I know I’m… not the nicest?”

“Difficult, is I think how I put it,” Rey offered.

“Difficult. Right.” That was fair, as long as Rey accepted she was difficult, too, which Poe was pretty certain she did. “And it’s because I’m stubborn, and I didn’t understand. And also it’s because I did care. I do. I was worried.”

Rey was very quiet when she responded. “I didn’t believe that for a long time, but I think it’s only because I wasn’t used to… anyone caring. And Finn was easy about it. You know how he is. But I do know that, now. And I hope I…” She hesitated. “We never meant to make you feel left out. I would never want that.”

Poe felt a flush rising in his skin, horribly embarrassed at how obvious he must have been for her to have picked up on that, how utterly childish he must have seemed. “I changed my mind. Talking is terrible.”

“You’re right,” Rey agreed easily. Then she surprised him, and kissed his cheek.

When he looked towards her, her face was as red as he felt his must be. “Do you want to dance or something?” he blurted out, and that was absolutely not what he had meant to say.

Though she seemed slightly confused, Rey nodded her head. “Sure.”

It wasn’t the answer he had expected, either. Hadn’t they shot down the idea of joining the party only minutes ago? But Poe stood anyway, giving Rey his hand, and when she took it, he led her off into the clearing, a little way away from the thick of the celebration, but where they could still hear the faint beat of the music. It was something terrible and clubby; Poe thought maybe it was Jess Pava’s. Her musical taste was the worst.

It didn’t matter, though, if the music was crap, because they were here, and they had survived, and the future ahead seemed bright and clear. Difficult, too, probably, but in a good way, in a way that was worth it, in a way he hoped would reward Leia’s faith in him and make her proud.

Rey laughed with Poe’s good hand on her hip, swaying her to the beat, and the pink in her cheeks was maybe self-conscious but it was joyful, too. Maybe – probably – it was strange how long it took Poe to realize, laughing and dancing badly with Rey in the middle of a jungle, that he was happy.

He had hardly dared to hope, to truly believe, that he would ever end up here.

And that Rey would want to be here with him.

So, obviously, he decided to do something stupid. He leaned in and kissed her.

There was a suspended moment where nothing really happened, just the warm pressure of his mouth on Rey’s, and then Poe’s brain caught up and he pulled back. Their arms were still around each other from the dancing and Rey was clearly startled and he said, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have… I know you don’t… And you’re probably…”

Then she kissed him back, and Poe finally just stopped talking.

-

It was Finn who told Poe that he would find Rey at the Millennium Falcon, preparing a few things before she set off for Tatooine. Poe might have been irritated but he was learning that that was just… Rey. The things she had it set in her head that she had to do on her own, well, she just did them, no dallying about. No giving anyone the opportunity to change her mind.

Luckily, Poe was exactly as hard-headed and lead-footed as she was.

BB-8 chirped excitedly as Poe approached. “Where do you think you’re going with my droid?”

Rey stopped where she was fussing with a panel and looked at Poe, then at BB-8. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about it. I’d gotten so used to having him around, I just…”

“Figured you’d droid-nap him?” Poe smiled as he said it so Rey would know he wasn’t actually angry.

“Yeah. Sorry,” she said again anyway. “I can go by myself.”

BB-8 protested loudly.

“Well, there you go,” Poe said, gesturing. “Beebee-Ate wants to go with you. So I’m coming, too.”

Rey stared at him. “You’re what?”

“Can’t have you dropping a tree on him again, can I?”

“There aren’t even any trees on Tatooine!”

Poe shrugged. “I’m sure you could find something if I left you unsupervised with my buddy.”

Rey crossed her arms over her chest. “Poe.”

“Rey.” Poe stepped closer to her, until he was leaning in, his lips practically brushing her skin when he spoke. “Besides. You might get lonely. Miss me, you know?”

He felt the hitch in Rey’s breath and could sense what her reaction was going to be; he managed to kiss her cheek swiftly and dart away just before she shoved him.

Her cheeks were flushed brightly, probably a combination of attraction and annoyance. “You are such a –”

“Not in front of the kid!” Poe protested and jogged up the loading ramp. “Let’s go, Beebee.”

BB-8 repeated a very unfortunate word he had likely heard from R2-D2 and then followed after Poe cheerfully enough, overtaking him where Poe had paused at the top of the ramp and zooming into the Falcon.

“Coming?” Poe asked Rey.

She stood there a moment longer before shaking her head and striding forward to join Poe. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Pretty sure you like that about me,” Poe said, grinning, and eventually Rey smiled back, her cheeks still pink.

She squeezed his hip. “I’m flying.”

Poe figured he could live with that.

End