Chapter Text
It's always so soothing to look at the moon.
Or rather, pictures of it. The moon itself disappeared some hundred or so years ago. It didn't go out with a bang, no - it simply never reappeared after a new moon and no one knows why, though many claim that it must be somewhere nearby, because the tides are still the same. Seokjin would know - he's a seafarer, after all.
Tapping his feet nervously, Seokjin flips to the next page in the book showing another grainy black and white image of the moon, surrounded by scientific text that he might find fascinating if he weren’t so distracted. He’s sitting outside the office of Dr. Kwang, the Head of the Provisional Expeditionary Committee, and in about five minutes he’ll know whether or not his most recent expedition proposal has been accepted.
Seokjin suddenly snaps the book shut and shoots up from his chair to pace the empty hallway. He didn’t miss anything on the proposal forms, right? He proofread for proper grammar and spelling, didn’t he? What if he actually only dreamt that he submitted the forms? What if-
The click of a doorknob freezes Seokjin in his tracks and he whips around to face the office. Dr. Kwang, a tall thin man in his 60s with thin graying hair and narrow bifocal spectacles, motions him to enter. “Seokjin. Good to see you again. Come in.”
With his book tucked under his arm, Seokjin silently enters the familiar office. Dr. Kwang closes the door behind him and sits in his rolling office chair, Seokjin taking the inevitably uncomfortable visitor’s chair right in front of the desk.
Smoothing his hands over the proposal forms spread out in front of him, Dr. Kwang says, “So, Seokjin. The Wall.”
The Wall. That's where Seokjin wants to go - where he’s wanted so desperately to go for as long as he can remember. The Wall is not a physical wall, but an invisible barrier located far out at sea, appearing to have nothing but open ocean beyond it, discovered a mere 50 years ago as the farthest west anyone has traveled. Multiple expeditions have gone to the Wall, and some even seemed to succeed at passing through the Wall despite notorious storms in the area, disappearing from sight when they crossed the threshold. But they never returned.
“Yes.” Seokjin nods excitedly, and thinking about the possibility of going to the Wall gives him a boost of confidence. “I’ve done a lot of research on Wall expeditions and I know it’s expensive, but if that’s a problem I can go for free to cut employment costs, and I have two interns who are also willing to go for free as my crew-”
“That’s very diligent. I admire your dedication,” Dr. Kwang interrupts. He sighs and stands up, coming around to lean against the front of his desk facing his guest placatingly. “Seokjin, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, because I know this means a lot to you, but the committee has denied your proposal once again, and I’m afraid if you keep asking there may be consequences. We simply aren’t sending anyone to the Wall any time soon, though I can assure you, you will be at the top of the list if we ever do, however unlikely that is.”
Seokjin’s stomach drops as he processes the news. Logically he knows there’s no point in arguing, but his mouth still forms the words, “But this is - I mean -” He takes a breath and tries again. “But this isn’t about what it means to me, sir. The government has been wanting to know what’s behind the Wall ever since it was discovered, so why not take every opportunity to find out?”
Dr. Kwang looks at him pityingly. “Of course you’re right, Seokjin. We do want to know, and you would be an excellent candidate. But now is not the time. There are other issues taking up our resources, issues that we’ve deemed more pressing - Helians and whatnot,” he says, waving his hand dismissively. “So the decision is no.”
Pouting, Seokjin counters, “Maybe I’ll just send myself once I get my doctorate.”
“I’m afraid that’s not how it works,” Dr. Kwang says with a chuckle, but then his tone becomes darker. “Once you have ‘doctor’ in front of your name you must serve the government. Disobeying their authority is treason.”
Seokjin can only glare in response, not entirely sure if that was meant to be a threat or not. Dr. Kwang, seeming to sense Seokjin’s defeat, smiles and spreads his hands amicably. “Well, Seokjin, I think that’s all I can say on the matter. Again, I’m sad to deliver you this news. Your students do speak very highly of your enthusiasm on the matter-” (Seokjin almost has to laugh - It’s common knowledge that he’s obsessed with the Wall) “-but this is the final decision.” He glances at his watch. “And in any case, I’m afraid you have already cut into my appointment time with the new director of the Helian Experimental Department. Send her in on your way out, will you?”
Seokjin feels a lump rising in his throat as he stands up and leaves the office. His life's purpose, it seems, has been ripped away from him in the span of five minutes. He tries to keep himself composed when he sees that there’s a woman waiting in the hallway.
“I-,” he begins, then has to clear is throat, finding it hoarse with emotion. “I was told to send you in. If you’re the new Helian Experimental Department director, that is.”
The woman smiles warmly. She’s surprisingly young for a department director, Seokjin thinks, and very pretty. “Yes, I am. Sana.”
Seokjin is caught off guard for a moment, not expecting to exchange any words with her other than the ones he already said. He takes her outstretched hand. “Seokjin.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she says. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop but I couldn’t help but overhear. It’s a shame about your expedition proposal, really. I think you could make very enriching discoveries.”
There’s a certain glint in her eyes - something akin to curiosity.
Seokjin nods. “Of course, that’s why I wanted to go. I guess the government doesn’t see it that way, though.”
For a moment Seokjin worries she’ll take offense - she does work for the government, after all - but Sana just laughs. “No, they certainly have their own view. Anyway, being a new transfer to the department I’d best not keep him waiting. Good luck.”
With that, Sana slips into the office and shuts the door behind her, leaving Seokjin to wonder briefly why the Helian Experimental Department director is even meeting with the Head of the Provisional Expeditionary Committee. Helians are people with a certain gene that gives them the ability to create and control fire, and as the name suggests they are bound to the sun so their powers are weaker at night. The government tries to suppress them by doing experiments on them - terrible, grotesque experiments, if the rumors are true, but any half-reliable information about what goes on in the Helian experiments is strategically swept under the rug so that the public doesn’t know what to believe without proof. It’s a tragic repetition of what happened to the Lunans, who were completely eradicated by the government in similar experiments. Some people think that’s why the moon disappeared, though there’s no way to know for sure.
Seokjin wouldn’t normally associate with anyone who supports Helian experiments, much less someone in Sana’s position, but she seemed nice enough, he thinks as he walks down the marble hallway. Not someone he can picture torturing Helians and injecting them with strange chemicals to keep their powers at bay. And it makes him feel a tiny bit better to know that someone sympathizes with his rejection.
On the other hand he isn’t quite sure why exactly she wished him good luck, seeing as how he just got rejected for the expedition he would have needed good luck for. Maybe she was referring to his career in general, though why she would care is beyond him. Heading up the stairs towards his office, he wonders what he should do next. His entire career up to this point was so focused on the Wall, and now his future is more uncertain than it's ever been before. Maybe, he thinks, it's time to decide on an alternate doctoral thesis. He has his masters degree in seafaring already and he thought that after going to the Wall he would be able to write his doctoral thesis on his journey and his discoveries there. He was so confident of this outcome, in fact, that he never bothered to pick a plan B, and it seems now like that's coming to bite him in the ass.
As soon as Seokjin enters his cluttered second-floor office, Jimin asks excitedly, “Did you get it? Did you get approved?”
Seokjin flops tiredly into the chair behind his desk. “No.”
Jimin and Taehyung are sitting across from each other at a table Seokjin added to his office when he began taking interns, currently with various papers and open books spread across the surface. After getting his masters degree he became a professor to fulfill the requirement of teaching for a year before being allowed to continue on with his doctorate. Classes for the year are over but he still works with his interns on literary research - pertaining to the Wall, of course. Jimin and Taehyung are his first interns, and despite how nervous he was at the beginning of the year about working with his students so closely outside of class, they exceeded his expectations. This is exemplified by the cup of coffee waiting on his desk for him, with exactly the right amount of cream. Seokjin closes his eyes and sips it appreciatively, mumbling a thanks to his two interns.
“Damn,” Taehyung says, and normally Seokjin would gently berate his pupil for the language, but not this time. “I really wanted to go with you.”
“Me too,” Jimin says, nodding in agreement. Sounding a little shy, he asks, “Did he say why? I mean, there’s been an expedition almost every year since the Wall was found. Are they sending someone else?”
Seokjin shakes his head. “Dr. Kwang said they aren’t sending anyone anytime soon. Something about lack of resources, focusing on other things right now. Helians or something,” he finishes, words trailing off into a mumble as he drinks his coffee spitefully.
“Do you want us to keep researching the Chou Expedition?” Taehyung asks.
Seokjin hums noncommittally. He doesn't much see the point in continuing the research if there's no chance of ever going to the Wall. “Have you found anything else?”
“Actually, yes.”
His attention caught, Seokjin’s eyes shoot open and he sits up straight, looking at Taehyung expectantly. The intern flips to the previous page of the book he's holding and traces his finger along the page. “It says here that the ship did actually turn around when the order was given over the radio. All of the other records we read said that Chou refused to turn around before she got shipwrecked.”
Jimin nods his agreement.
Staring at the book in Taehyung’s hands, Seokjin asks, “Isn’t that Yoongi’s? I mean, Professor Min’s?”
“Yeah, it’s the most up-to-date one he published a couple months ago.”
Despite being friends with Yoongi, Seokjin admittedly hasn’t done much more than skim the newest edition of his book on Wall expeditions. He carefully read the previous two editions cover to cover, and he thought he knew everything about the Chou Expedition. It was the last government-funded expedition to the Wall, some twenty years ago, named for Dr. Chou Tzuyu who was the captain of the expedition and in fact the youngest seafarer to date. She received her degree in record time, completing the entire doctorate in a mere three years thanks to testing out of most of the required classes. Pictures of her ship show an elegant and probably very expensive vessel, painted black with the name ONCE in pink along the hull on either side, popping out against the black background.
His excitement building, Seokjin sits up straight and takes the book from Taehyung to examine the pages his intern referred to. Sure enough, the information explained there is a little different than what Seokjin remembers reading in the previous edition. He pulls the previous edition off the small bookshelf next to his desk and flips open to the corresponding page to be sure.
Seokjin nods as he traces his finger down the page of differing information. “Yeah, you're right. I wonder where he got this new information from?" He wonders aloud, obviously not expecting either of his interns to be able to answer the question. Then he remembers his crippling defeat at the hands of Dr. Kwang and his excitement dwindles. “Actually, I’m not sure this matters,” he says, sighing dejectedly. “I mean, it’s interesting new information for sure, but we won’t be able to make the expedition anyway.”
Seokjin mulls over his own words for a moment to make sure he really means them. Of course going to the Wall means a lot more to him than just having a topic for his doctoral thesis, but now that he received a stark reminder about the realities of higher education, he has to admit that he’s feeling some reservations about continuing to pursue his doctorate. After all, Dr. Kwang was dead serious when he said that “after you get your doctorate you serve the government” (or whatever the hell he said). Seokjin isn’t sure if he wants that future for himself. No, scratch that, he definitely doesn’t want that future.
What he wanted was to go to the Wall. He almost wishes he can just forget about that dream now that it’s been ripped from his grasp, but Taehyung and Jimin’s new discovery has his curiosity piqued. Why would Chou turn around, especially so close to the Wall? Is there anything else that was missed in the initial investigations? Fortunately Seokjin knows just who to ask: the author himself, Yoongi.
Seokjin grabs his jacket off the back of his chair. “Great work, guys. I’ve got lunch with Yoongi today as usual, so I’ll ask him about it.”
Taehyung nods and hands him the book to take with him. Leaving his office (and taking a route that avoids passing by Dr. Kwang’s office), Seokjin heads to the little cafe across the street. Yoongi isn’t there yet, unsurprisingly - that man might be even more of a workaholic than Seokjin - but Seokjin got here a little early anyway in his eagerness to talk to his friend. He orders his usual coffee and sandwich (toasted, of course, to melt the cheese) and he sits down at a small table by the window, pulling out the book to pass the time. When Yoongi arrives he’s deeply engrossed in the chapter about the Wall discovery, jumping when a plate and mug are suddenly placed on the table as Yoongi plops into the seat across from him.
“Hey. So did your expedition get approved?” is the first thing Yoongi says. Then he notices what Seokjin is reading and adds, “Is that my book?”
Seokjin closes the book and sets it aside. “Yeah. And no, it didn’t get approved.” He can’t help the way his voice dips unhappily at the end.
“Damn, I’m sorry, hyung,” Yoongi says sincerely. “I know how much you wanted to go.”
“Yeah.” Seokjin sighs and tries to swallow the lump that rises in his throat from thinking about the rejection. He clears his throat. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you something about this,” he says, gesturing to the book.
Yoongi looks at him softly but allows the change of subject. “Sure, ask away.” He sips his coffee and watches his friend attentively.
“Taehyung and Jimin read something interesting in chapter 4,” Seokjin begins, and seeing Yoongi’s subtly quirked eyebrow, he adds quickly, “I mean, it’s all interesting, but they found something in particular that’s different from the previous edition.”
Swallowing his mouthful of sandwich, Yoongi shrugs. “Of course some things are different. Otherwise there’d be no point in publishing a new edition.”
“Right.” Seokjin rolls his eyes impatiently. “But in the first edition you said Chou refused to turn around when the government ordered her to turn around over the radio. In this edition you said she did turn around.”
Yoongi looks blank. When Seokjin fails to elaborate on whatever his question is, Yoongi asks, “Ok, yeah. I got updated facts. What’s your point?”
Seokjin shrugs. What is his point? What difference does this make? Well, he figures, he’s already started asking so he might as well get his answer. “So what made you rewrite it? How did you find out she turned around?”
“The black box.”
Surprised, Seokjin raises his eyebrows. “They recovered the black box?”
“Not at first,” Yoongi says. “I guess it was found recently. But I have a friend who was in the Department of Investigations so I was able to get my hands on it.”
The black box is something Seokjin knows very well as a seafarer. It’s literally a small black box on board all ships - at least all legal ships - that sends signals to trace the ship’s location in case something happens to it. “And the black box showed that she turned around?”
“Yes.” Yoongi sips his coffee and looks at Seokjin with mild suspicion. “What’s it to you?”
Seokjin brushes off the question, still not sure of the answer himself. “Well, why would they order her to turn around? She was so close already.”
“Mmhmm. Very close,” Yoongi says bitterly. “She was less than half a kilometer from it. But there’s no way of knowing for sure why they wanted her to turn around. Maybe they had second thoughts about sending another talented seafarer on an fruitless expedition.”
Seokjin ignores the jab, waving his hand dismissively. “No, no, they wouldn’t change their minds when she’s practically already there, not after spending so much money to fund the expedition.”
Yoongi huffs. “Storms, then. You know there’s crazy storm patterns around the Wall.”
“Yeah, but she was a great seafarer. She wouldn’t have needed them to tell her to turn around.” Seokjin says, deep in thought.
“Well, it seems like you’re convinced there was no good reason,” Yoongi says exasperatedly. “I mean, what do you want me to say here, hyung? There must be an explanation, I just don’t know what it is.”
Seokjin knows that, of course he does. But what he’s always found most strange about the Chou Expedition is its ending: Chou was shipwrecked. Chou Tzuyu, one of the best seafarers ever known. It makes no sense - far worse seafarers made it through the Wall. Granted, they were never seen again, but the point is they got through.
Seokjin sits up straight, gathering his thoughts to continue interrogating his friend. “Okay, so riddle me this: Let’s say she did turn around, and it was because of something like storms or whatever. Doesn’t matter. What happened to the ship?”
Yoongi sighs. “All the other facts in my book are still the same. She got shipwrecked. The only thing that changed is she turned around.”
Seokjin shakes his head slowly and says, “No, it just doesn’t make sense. How do you even know she got shipwrecked?”
“I don’t see what you’re implying,” Yoongi says carefully. “You know as well as I do that the wreckage wasn’t recovered. At least not until the black box.”
Seokjin wants to argue that the black box alone is still just a small piece of evidence. He wants to believe that maybe there is no wreckage because there wasn’t a shipwreck. But Yoongi is wearing an expression of finality, his lips pressed in a thin line and his dark eyes intent on Seokjin’s, so Seokjin has the good sense to drop the issue - for the time being.
The rest of their lunch together is the usual banter about their work, students they’ve had, and of course praising Taehyung and Jimin whom Yoongi also loved when he had them as students. Seokjin sneaks in a word saying that they were the ones who pointed out the new detail in Yoongi’s book, but Yoongi deftly steers the conversation away from more talk of the Wall.
After they’ve been chatting for nearly an hour Yoongi looks at his watch and sighs. “Well, I need to get going. Are you going to do some more work today? Maybe you should take a day off.”
Seokjin hums in agreement. “I think I’m going to stay here for bit. Escape the office for a while.”
Yoongi smiles a little. After he stands up and puts his jacket on, as he begins to turn towards the door, he looks back to Seokjin. “I really am sorry about the expedition, hyung. I hope you can find something else to be just as excited about.” His tone is gentle and sincere.
Seokjin nods but can’t find the words to respond. Yoongi seems to understand and leaves him to his thoughts. For a few minutes Seokjin just flips through Yoongi’s book half-heartedly, staring down at the pages without really reading anything. He might have been sitting there for five minutes, ten, or even thirty when he’s startled by a sudden presence next to his table.
“Uh, hi. Are you Kim Seokjin? The seafaring professor?”
Seokjin is staring slack-jawed at the stranger who has appeared before him. He has soft brown hair and long legs, and subtle dimples even though he’s not smiling. In fact, he looks nervous.
“Yeah, I am. Who are you?”
“My name is Namjoon. Can I sit down?” Namjoon gestures at the spot across from Seokjin. His hands are fidgeting and he’s shifting from foot to foot, looking so unsure of himself that Seokjin feels he couldn’t possibly reject him.
“Sure,” Seokjin says, perplexed. After giving Namjoon a second to get settled, he asks, “How can I help you?”
Namjoon’s mouth opens but nothing comes out. He seems to take a moment to gather his thoughts, then everything comes out in a rush: “I found you on the university website and I wanted to come talk to you. I mean, um, I didn’t know you would be here specifically, but I was just going to get some food and I saw you - you know, your picture on the website looks really good, so I recognized you, and -”
Seokjin almost laughs - almost , but he doesn’t want to make Namjoon any more uncomfortable than he obviously already is, so he settles for a bemused smirk. “Ok, slow down. You wanted to talk to me about something?”
“Yeah,” Namjoon says breathlessly, and he seems grateful for the intervention. “So I… I know that you’re really interested in the Wall. I mean, I’ve read some of your papers about it - well, all of them, actually - and I was just… um, I wanted to know if -”
This time Seokjin can’t help the little laugh that escapes his lips at how flustered the man is. “Just spit it out.”
Namjoon pauses and stares at Seokjin for a second. Then he blurts, “I was wondering if you could take me to the Wall.”
Seokjin’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Why?” he asks, but then he rethinks this question and follows it up with, “Actually, nevermind. I can’t.”
This time Namjoon asks, “Why?”
“Because the government rejected my expedition proposal,” Seokjin responds, sighing wistfully, “so I don’t have permission to go.”
Namjoon shrugs. “You could go anyway.”
Seokjin laughs again, this time bitterly, at Namjoon’s joke. At least he assumes it’s a joke. “Yeah, sure, I could go and commit treason.” But when he looks at Namjoon, he realizes the man is completely serious. He’s staring at Seokjin with his eyebrows raised like he’s expecting him to change his mind.
“No,” Seokjin says more forcefully. “I can’t even afford to go. Do you know how expensive expeditions are?”
“I can pay you.”
This pulls Seokjin up short, because he wasn’t expecting this random stranger to push so hard. Again he finds himself asking, “Why?”
“Because I just need to get there,” Namjoon says. He sighs. “To tell you the truth, my brother is sick. I just need to get him … I don’t know. Somewhere.”
“Somewhere doesn’t mean the Wall, though,” Seokjin scoffs. “Shouldn’t you take him to a doctor?”
Namjoon regards Seokjin carefully, like he’s not sure he can trust him, then he says, “I’ve taken him to doctors. I’ve done everything I can here. I’m desperate.”
Seokjin leans forward and places his elbows on the table, clasping his hands together. “And what makes you think you’ll be any less desperate when you get to the Wall? Or when you get through the Wall? No one even knows what’s there.”
“Yeah, but it can’t be any worse than what’s here.” Namjoon’s expression darkens. He lowers his tone. “I think he’s going to die. I seriously don’t have any other options here. I just need to try this one last thing. And even if it doesn’t work, it’s okay, because he would die here anyway. At least if I try this one last thing, I’ll know I didn’t let him down.”
Seokjin still thinks this sounds ridiculous. In all his studies of the Wall, he’s never seen anything that suggests there’s anything about the Wall - or anything behind it - that’s a magical cure from whatever illness Namjoon’s brother might have. He stares blankly at Namjoon’s ridiculously soft-looking hair as he tries to formulate a response to get him to see reason. In fact he, Kim Seokjin, self-proclaimed Wall fanatic, is starting to get tired of hearing about the Wall for today.
When Seokjin fails to come up with a response after a minute of strained silence, Namjoon adds, “You can even ask Jungkook. My brother, I mean. He wants to go, and he’s an adult. It’s his choice, really.”
Seokjin sighs. As he leans back to gather his thoughts, he glances down at the book still sitting on the table before him. He remembers what he asked Yoongi just an hour before: How do you even know she got shipwrecked? And he realizes that if he says no right now, he’ll be letting go of the biggest dream of his life. He, Kim Seokjin, self-proclaimed Wall fanatic, known for his passion and unashamed obsession with all things Wall-related, will be giving up. And he certainly can’t have that.
“How much can you pay?”