Chapter Text
Sara had never felt quite right being a woman or a girl. They didn’t hate it, but they didn’t love it either. It just felt wrong somehow. Like they weren’t really a woman, but they didn’t feel like a man either. They never thought much of it though. Maybe everyone felt like that. Maybe most people just went along with whatever society deemed them to be.
But then they met the Legends. Most of them were trans, which sparked something inside of Sara. They had been aware that there were transgender people but, even despite knowing several in the past, they never thought it was an option for most people. But something about the Legends being trans made Sara really think about their gender. Ray, Nate, Amaya. They were all trans. Even Ava later on, though she wasn't technically a Legend. They made Sara think about their discomfort in their gender. Were they a guy? Maybe, but that didn’t feel right either. Maybe they just had to get used to thinking of themself as a man.
But then Charlie came along. So unapologetic in the fact that they were nonbinary. Something Sara had never even heard of before. So, they looked into it and voila. Something clicked inside of them. They weren’t a man and they definitely weren’t a woman. They were just Sara.
The first step they took into figuring out who they wanted to be was binding. Some days, they hated their chest and others, they were fine with it. But now that they weren’t completely ignoring how they felt, they honed in on their insecurities and were willing to do whatever it took to feel better.
They remembered hearing somewhere that you could bind with ace bandages, so they snuck into the med bay and snatched the bandages from a drawer.
“Captain? Is everything alright?” came Gideon’s jarring voice. “Have you been injured?”
“No, I-I’m fine, Gideon. But thank you.”
“If you change your mind, I am always here to help.”
“Thanks, Gideon…”
Sara shoved the bandages into their pocket and then locked themself in the bathroom.
As they were wrapping the bandages around their chest, Gideon’s voice sliced through the mostly quiet lull. “I would not recommend binding with those bandages, Captain.”
“Shut up, Gideon.”
***
“Hey, Sara. You okay?” Nate asked in a somewhat more gentle voice than usual.
“Uh, yeah..? Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Oh, uh, no reason!” Nate replied awkwardly. “Just, uh, if you ever need to, you know, talk about anything. We’re here.”
“Thaaaanks?”
“Well, uh, I have...stuff to do. Zari wanted me to help her with...a thing. Bye.”
Nate quickly left, leaving Sara in a dust of confusion and suspicion. He was definitely up to something.
***
Several hours later, a portal opened and Ava walked into Sara’s bedroom on the waverider.
“Hey, baby,” Sara greeted, getting up to kiss Ava affectionately.
“Hey,” she breathed lovingly. Even after all those months, a single kiss still made their girlfriend weak in the knees and Sara lived for it. “How has your day been?”
Ava’s eyebrows scrunched together like they always did when she was worried. Sara found it endearing, but why was Ava worried about them?
“It was alright. Why? What’s wrong, Baby?”
“Oh.” Ava breathed a sigh of relief. “No reason. I just hadn’t heard from you all day.”
“Shit. I’m sorry. I guess I was a little preoccupied.”
“No, no. It’s alright. If anyone knows what it’s like to get caught up in work, it’s me. But,” A warm, mischievous smile took over Ava’s face at the but. “We have all night to make up for it.”
“Oh, I like the sound of that.”
And then they were kissing and Ava was pushing Sara onto the bed. Ava’s hands were pushing under their shirt, fingers finding the bandages that were wrapped tight around their chest. Sara’s eyes flew open. Shit! Fuck!
They didn’t know what to do, so they just froze.
“Sara?”
“I-I...It’s not what you think.”
Ava gave Sara a gentle smile. “Maybe you can explain it to me then?” she asked, sitting back on her heels. “You can tell me anything, Sara.”
“I…” Sara paused, unsure of how to explain what they were feeling. “You know how Charlie’s nonbinary?”
“Of course.” Ava gave them an encouraging nod.
“It made me think. What if this feeling I’ve had my entire life was more than me just not being girly? I thought it was normal but… then Charlie came along and… I didn’t know that was an option. I didn’t know you could just… not be a man or a woman. I’m supposed to be the one who knows everything lgbt but… I didn’t know that. And I… I think I’m nonbinary, Ava.”
“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to trust me.”
“You’re not gonna leave me?”
“Of course not. I love you, Sara, and nothing is going to change that.”
Sara couldn’t help the exuberant laugh that came out of them. Ava had never said those three little words before. “You love me?”
“Yeah,” she breathed. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
“Well, I guess I love you too, Director Sharpe.”