Chapter Text
Simon thought he knew what love is. He was pretty sure he was in love with Agatha. The first time he saw her, everything is in slow-motion... the way her blonde hair sways in the wind, the way she easily moves like gravity doesn't exists, and the way she just... exists.
I asked Penny before how she knew what love is, and she said that when she saw Micah, it feels like everything is in slow-motion, or so she thought. Just then, I knew I was in love with Agatha. I loved her... yes, but as time goes by, it doesn't feel true. The more I spend with her, the more I thought I loved her not the right way. It doesn't make sense even to myself. Why doesn't it felt right? What is love? How do you know what love really is?
Ugh. I hate thinking just as much as I hate solving math problems because well... it requires thinking. I don't think things like other people do. I just act, and do it and just be done with it. That's easier for me. Thinking is not my forte.
So why now? Why am I thinking of what love is in the first place?
Ah right. Because Agatha broke up with me, a few days ago. We've been together for so long, I thought we will end up getting married. I was wrong though. Agatha said she felt that 'this' relationship isn't going anywhere when both our hearts are not into it anymore. I guess, she felt that way too. For me, being her boyfriend feels more like a responsibility than feelings. I'm just glad that she said we will still remained friends. I'm pretty sure it will be awkward at first, but still... we've been good friends way before we started dating.
"Simon. Are you okay? You're awfully quiet today" Penny said. She stopped writing her essay homework so she can give me all her attention.
"Uhhhh... i'm just thinking" I said distractedly. My math homework was long forgotten and I'm just staring into space.
"Simon, you never think" she said pointedly and if we aren't inside the library, I would have laugh at what she said, because she's right.
"I know. You don't have to remind me. It just that I'm thinking about Aggie and our relationship. I thought I loved her, you know? But when we broke up, I didn't get hurt.. yes, I was sad but not hurt. Ughh, is that weird?"
"Hmm. Not really. You see, Simon, I've been friends with you for so many years and I was there when you met Agatha. I was there when you got the courage to ask her out. I was happy for the both of you but to be frank, I have a feeling it wouldn't last. I mean, if only you can see what I saw when I looked at the both of you... No offence but it looks like you liked the idea of her, but not really her. And same goes to Agatha. I felt that you were pressured to ask her out on a date just because our classmates said you will look good together." Penny said truthfully.
I think of what she said and maybe, she was right. No, she is right. Penny knows me more than I know myself.
"Do you think I will ever find someone I will fall in love with? Like for real"
"Of course. Now do your homework and stop saying crappy things."
I giggled and start battling with math equations.