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I tried to change myself – I tried so fucking hard but still I fell. I always fall. Why should this time have been any different? The decades, the centuries, all just a wave of agony. I tried so hard for you but I’d be lying if I said these past years weren’t the best of my empty existence.
Oh, Laura. Sweet, innocent, darling, Laura. You were so pure and so good and yet you loved me, a monster. You made me believe that I could be better. That I was better. Oh how I proved you wrong.
When you asked me to turn you I was skeptical at first. Why would you want to be like me? A killer, a soulless husk. It was that look in your eyes, that pain that I know so well. You said that you’d lost hope in a cure and that this was the only way - the only way to spare me the pain of separation. The pain of watching you waste away in old age. After everything that happened in that house, with Ell and the brooch, after the years we spent scouring the earth for even a hint of a hope for my humanity, you lost your faith. So I gave in.
As soon as I tasted your blood, a small hidden part of me knew that it was over, that I wouldn’t be able to stop. It was like tasting ambrosia, so sweet, so pure. It was as if your blood tasted of your love for me. I needed more, I needed that purity. Maybe that was what it would take to cleanse me of my sins and be as good as you thought I was.
It was my undoing.
I remember vaguely feeling you start to struggle, asking me what I was doing and then frantically trying to push me away. Of course you couldn’t push me away, the beast in me wanted your blood and I would have it one way or another. It wasn’t until your movements weakened that I slowly began to come back to myself. I screamed, oh god did I scream.
I tried to save you, tried to turn you but I knew it was futile. I took too much and you paid the price for my selfishness. When your pulse finally stopped, my world ended.
I left your body there, in our home. I’m so sorry my love, but I couldn’t bear the sight of you, of what I’d done to you. Selfish. So, so selfish and now you’re gone. Oh god you’re gone.