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Carina and Maya were sat cuddled on the couch looking at various apartment rentals online. They’d gone over several listings but had yet to agree on one. It was now almost a year since they got together, Carina’s least was almost up and they both agreed it was time for a fresh start - together.
“What about this one? Bella, it’s perfect for us.” Carina suggested, pulling up a two bedroom condominium in the downtown Seattle area. On paper, it certainly was perfect for them. It had hardwood floors, an electric fireplace, and a kitchen island/breakfast bar. Things that they both mutually agreed were a must.
“That price isn’t so perfect,” Maya pointed out. She knew what her budget was and insisted on sticking to it. And there was no way she would let Carina carry the majority of the cost rather than going half, which Carina was having trouble understanding.
“Maya, I told you the price is fine I have no problem-” Carina started before Maya cut her off.
“ I have a problem with it, Carina. I’m sure there are plenty of nice apartments just like this one that are more in our price range.” Maya argued. There were cheaper apartments but with cheaper apartments often come less than stellar neighborhoods and they were two women living alone. It was a sad reality, but a reality nonetheless.
Carina shook her head and muttered in italian.
“I’m sorry what was that?” Maya said.
“You’re being so difficult right now, Maya. For no reason at all. I just don’t understand.” Carina said. Maya’s strong willed stubborn nature was normally something Carina admired in Maya but there were times, like right then, that she found it to be frustrating more than anything else.
“Well I’m sorry for being so difficult. Maybe I should just leave.” Maya said as she shut her laptop and got up from the couch to leave.
Carina immediately got up as well and took her by the hand. “Maya, no. You don’t get to leave like this. Remember what we promised? We talk about things, always. No running away.”
Maya sighs, turning her head to avoid eye contact with Carina. She avoids eye contact because she knows that Carina has that look in her eyes. That soul melting look that Maya could never resist.
Although this was hard for Maya to admit, the truth of her apprehension towards this was based on her own insecurities and competitive nature. Did she feel as though she had to compete with Carina? Not necessarily and not anywhere near the way she felt she had to compete when it came to those she worked with, which was a huge reason why her relationship with Carina was so refreshing. She wasn’t quite sure where this feeling was coming from. Inadequacy perhaps? Maya wasn’t exactly strapped for cash, she made a decent enough living, but it was no secret that she wasn’t anywhere near a doctor’s salary. Carina made more money than her, and Maya was well aware of this and up until now it was never an issue in their relationship. Or at least she thought it wasn’t.
“The apartment is nice, yes, and it has everything we wanted, yes, but it’s too expensive. And I’m sorry that I don’t have a cushy six figure doctor’s salary to throw money with but that’s just the way it is.” Maya snapped, instantly regretting the harshness of her words.
“Wow, is that what you think I’m trying to do? Just “throwing my money” around?” Carina replied.
“No, Carina, I didn’t mean-”
‘I’m doing this because I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy, and comfortable.” Carina explained. “It’s not about the money.”
Maya finally looked up to meet her eyes. “I know it’s not about the money. It’s just..I’m sorry. I don't know what’s wrong with me.”
Carina squeezed her girlfriend’s hand. “We can keep looking at places until we find one we both love and within a reasonable price.”
“I really like that apartment we saw. I know it’s not exactly in the price range we agreed on but when we went to get a tour of the place the other day..it felt right. It felt like home. Our home.” Maya said.
“I saw the way your whole face lit up while we were there. That’s why I so badly wanted this for us.” Carina said.
Maya thought back on when they first went to see the apartment. She saw the hardwood floors and imagined the two of them dancing to Carina’s Italian music that she didn’t understand a word of, she saw the breakfast bar and imagined lazy rainy Seattle mornings (or late nights, depending on their schedule) cooking breakfast for each other. There was a space in the living room that would be perfect for Carina’s bookshelf and the image of Carina in a silk night robe and a pair of reading glasses laying on the couch casually flipping through the pages caused a sensation of butterflies within her. She also pictured the two of them making passionate love near the fireplace. It was perfect. It was theirs.
A couple of weeks later, Maya was moving the last of her boxes into their brand new apartment. She sighed contentedly as she sat the box down and looked out the window overlooking the city. Suddenly, she felt a familiar pair of arms snake around her waist from behind. She smiled and leaned into Carina, embracing her warmth and everything it meant to be loved by her.
Maya and Carina both felt at home, in that apartment, surrounded by boxes that still needed unpacking, more than they ever felt at home any place else.