Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hyunjin wouldn’t call herself a troublemaker. 

Sure, she enjoyed playing pranks here and there, goofing around with her friends just because, and making her high school experience as enjoyable as it possibly could be. But, detention? Hyunjin’s record is spotless. Or at least it was. She always tried to stay on top of school, sweet talk her way into her teacher’s hearts, create enough trouble for fun but not enough to be a nuisance. But it wasn’t even like she meant to set the fire alarm off. Hyejoo had pushed her around a bit for teasing her about the ginormous crush she had on Yerim—but Hyunjin always teased her about it—and Hyunjin doesn’t even know how it happened, but she felt a sharp pain in her back and the next thing that followed were the ear-splitting screams from the fire alarm beginning to sound.

(Hyejoo just about ran the second the alarms started ringing and Hyunjin was left to fend for herself to be interrogated by Mrs Kim. Taking the fall, because that’s what friends do, Hyunjin lies and confesses that she pulled the alarm “for the hell of it.”

If it wasn’t setting the fire alarm off that got her into trouble, it was definitely because she was ditching her Art class. Hyunjin would call her reason for ditching “senioritis” but the disciplinary head called it “laziness” and promptly punished her with detention after school).

Thankful that her basketball practice took place later into the night, Hyunjin wouldn’t have heard the end of it from her coach if she had to skip practice for detention. Before Hyunjin even got to her next class after being reprimanded, her phone pinged. 

watermelon thief: omg hyun im so sorry for leaving you with the wolves!!!!!! whatever you want, i’m on it!!!!!!

a furry????: ...fine. I want tlj’s condensed milk cream baguette. at least three of those delicious fuckers bc mrs kim hit me with after school detention 

If it were anyone else, Hyunjin would have given them a harder time, but Hyejoo has a special place in her heart. And plus, Tour Les Jours' condensed milk cream baguettes are Hyunjin’s favorite, so, whatever. 

Detention couldn’t be that bad, right?

~

Walking into the Art classroom, it’s not uncommon for various works to be pinned on the walls. Careful to step over papers laid on the floor with plates of paint precariously laid around, Hyunjin shifts her backpack before sliding into her usual seat in the middle of the classroom. It doesn’t take too much long after for Miss Son, her teacher and detention administrator, to meander into her classroom, a pen gracefully perched behind her ear.

Calmly and quietly commanding respect and attention, Miss Son’s voice is stern, yet relaxed, “Hyunjin, I hope you don’t mind, but someone is coming in to finish their project. I’ll have you catch up on what we did today seeing as you decided that you had better plans than attending my class.”

Hanging her head low and nodding, Hyunjin couldn’t afford to see the faint disappointment in her teacher’s face. Miss Son is one of the teacher’s that Hyunjin enjoys the most. She carries a quiet and sure confidence that flows within her as she goes about life in her own digression without worry. Hyunjin admired that about her—that the teacher could go about her life without giving a second thought to anyone’s opinions about her. (The deepest part of Hyunjin wishes that she could do that, but such is the teenage experience of insecurity and growing).

Before she can speak, the classroom door opens, soft sunlight filtering through. Ambling through and pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, Hyunjin feels her ears begin to burn, a blush dusting her cheeks.

Jeon Heejin.

Hyunjin has had a crush on her since she first saw her their freshman year at registration. Heejin had round cheeks despite her shapely face, a bright smile and crescent moon eyes to compliment, and beautiful long hair that looked impossibly soft. Looking for Heejin throughout their school years, Hyunjin always finds her despite Heejin slipping to the background and remaining virtually invisible to most of her class. Even if Hyunjin naturally blossomed into popularity with her envious athletic skill and academic success, she never had the bravery to talk to Heejin. It’s not that talking to pretty girls scared Hyunjin, but, talking to this specific pretty girl made Hyunjin want to hide and burn bright pink at the mere thought of saying “hi” to her.

“Hi Miss Son! Thanks for letting me come in!”

Smiling kindly at her, Miss Son waves away her thanks, “New book today, Heejin?”

Nodding with a happy smile on her lips and somewhat bashful, Heejin brandishes the book with a certain pride, “I was planning on coming in here during lunch to work on my painting but I got distracted reading because I found this in my locker after my fourth period.”

Leaning into her chair and looking at the book curiously, Miss Son flips through it when Heejin hands it to her, “Do you have any idea who’s giving you these books?”

Heejin visibly deflates and Hyunjin can hear the pout on her lips, “No, I can’t think of anyone who would do this. My friends would just recommend me a book if they wanted me to read it and it’s not like I have a secret admirer or something.”

Miss Son’s eyebrows raise while returning the book to the girl, a knowing look in her eyes, “You never know, Heejin. They might be around you more than you think.”

Shrugging in defeat and sighing, Heejin slings her backpack off before rolling her sleeves up. Before Heejin can head to her painting, Miss Son stops her, “Also, Heejin, could you brief Hyunjin on what happened today in class? Miss Park is summoning me and I’ve got to go.”

Verbalizing confirmation while tying up her hair, Hyunjin swears her heart just might tear through her chest with every step Heejin takes towards her. (It doesn’t help that Heejin looked so pretty with her hair up or how good she looked with the glasses sitting on the bridge of her perfect nose either—it’s almost unfathomable to Hyunjin how much it takes her breath away). Hiding her hands in pockets so that Heejin doesn’t see her picking at her nails, a nervous tick she does, Hyunjin instills herself with every single hope in the world that she wouldn’t embarrass herself in front of Heejin.

(Hyunjin doesn’t think she could survive looking like a fool in front of Heejin. She’s cool for God’s sake. Popular. She can do it. She can talk to pretty girls).

Hyunjin barely gets her heartbeat under control as Heejin stops at the front of her desk. Looking up at her, Heejin’s lips are in a polite soft smile. Hyunjin hopes that the gulp she swallows down her throat isn’t noticeable.

“Hi Hyunjin.”

Heejin’s voice is low—lower than Hyunjin remembers it being. It makes the words she was tripping over in her brain disappear into dust. (Hyunjin never knew her name could sound so good falling from someone’s lips, but it feels like being pulled in by a siren’s song hearing Heejin’s voice). Hyunjin can only dreamily observe how Heejin’s lips move as she continues to speak, her voice like a gentle lull winding and lacing the air, making it hard for Hyunjin to focus.

“Hyunjin? Did you- were you listening to me?”

Hyunjin blinks, reality popping her dream like a balloon. Hyunjin fights the urge to bounce her legs, hates how her voice croaks like a fucking frog when she replies, “No.”

Heejin’s eyebrows furrow lightly, her smile falling away as she shifts on her feet to stave away the awkwardness, “Anyway, um, Miss Son wanted us to look at the news and paint what it makes us feel. She has news clippings over there and we were free to use our phones to pull up articles too.”

The only thing Hyunjin can think about while looking at Heejin is how parched her throat feels, her clammy hands still stuffed in her pockets, and how her legs have been bouncing to the beat of Crush’s Cereal because it’s the one thing getting her heartbeat to slow down because when Heejin’s so close, it beats the adrenaline of being neck-and-neck in overtime. The only difference is that Hyunjin thrives under the pressure of making plays and viewing the court in basketball. Hyunjin positively shrivels under Heejin’s gaze and it shows when Heejin seems to bow in formality and backs away to her project when Hyunjin doesn’t seem open to any more conversation.

As Heejin turns her back to her, Hyunjin only shuts her eyes in embarrassment, grimaces into her palms, and can only exasperatedly think, “Fuck.” 

(Hyunjin can talk to pretty girls. Just, not this one).

By the time Hyunjin finishes up her painting, Heejin’s canvas has transformed from an empty blank slate to that of a dark night and a blood red moon shining its light through fog and clouds. Looking at her canvas and back at Heejin’s, Hyunjin might as well have been a five-year-old sloppily painting a red sun onto a black canvas splattered with white paint. Leaving her painting to dry after signing her name at the bottom right corner, Hyunjin attempts to push her chair in as quietly as she can so as to not disturb the girl in the room with her, Heejin looking sharply dialed into her painting.

That is until Hyunjin trips over the cup of brushes left on the floor and Heejin seems to jump from the intrusion of sound. Dropping to her knees to quickly push the brushes back into the cup, Hyunjin’s cheeks blush pink and she feels a burn of slight shame and embarrassment scald her ears. Almost throwing her backpack onto her back and running out of the door, Heejin barely catches Hyunjin’s mumbling.

It almost sounded like, “You paint good,” but, with how the door shuts behind Hyunjin, her compliment drifts with the wind.

(The only thing that made Hyunjin’s day better after that embarrassingly disastrous detention were the sweets that Hyejoo had brought over, guilty eyes and slight pout sitting on her lips. When she apologizes again, Hyunjin only tears a piece of the bread off for her—Hyunjin could never be mad at Hyejoo).

~.~.~

The next day, Hyunjin is having a considerably better time as she hasn’t been reprimanded by any teachers or has been in any trouble. But, at the end of her AP Calculus class, it’s as if the universe promptly decided, “Let’s shit on Hyunjin’s parade!” when her teacher tells Hyunjin to stay after dismissal.

Math is tough. Hyunjin doesn’t cry easy, but math has made her cry many tears in the past. AP Calculus makes Hyunjin want to drive her head through a brick wall because the thought of that hurts less than enduring a grueling test. So, when Miss Ahn tells Hyunjin that she failed her last test, Hyunjin can’t help the tears that come to sit right at her eyelids.

(Flunking sucked—Hyunjin hates failure more than anything. But, flunking when she’s already at a C- grade makes Hyunjin want to be sucked by a blackhole that would transfer her anywhere but her present).

“Hyunjin, I know you’re trying hard to understand the material but sometimes, it takes more teaching to make your workload easier. I know you want to pass and getting a tutor will help you. And I’m sure you know that having a failing grade will jeopardize your basketball season.”

Nodding and doing her best to not cry in front of her teacher because Hyunjin knows that better than anything, Miss Ahn hands her a paper that details the time and location when tutors would be available to help.

Looking at the sheet of paper at her locker, Hyunjin leans her body against the cool metal because, honestly, she just wants to take a nap for the next hundred years to avoid her imminent future of learning AP Calculus. To Hyunjin, trying to understand math is more taxing than running the double suicides that her coach makes her team do when they can’t seem to bag simple layups during practice.

Fuck.

~

Looking at the classroom number and flicking her eyes to look at the sheet of paper that had been sitting heavy in her pocket, Hyunjin drags in a breath of air before opening the door.

At this point, Hyunjin just wants to laugh at her luck when she finds that Jeon Heejin is the only unoccupied student in the classroom, the telltale color of Hyunjin’s AP Calculus book next to her. Walking up to her and grasping tightly onto the straps of her backpack, Hyunjin clears her throat to get Heejin’s attention (and to get rid of the knot sitting there). Hyunjin hates how her voice is flat and monotone except for when it lifts at the end, as if asking a question, “Miss- Miss Ahn sent me here for tutoring?”

When Heejin looks up, at first, the same polite smile she had on the day before sits on her lips until it slightly fades at the sight of the girl in front of her.

Hyunjin hates how she has already made Heejin not like her despite never talking to her. (Except, that was her nail in her coffin—not talking to Heejin). 

Smiling again, seemingly forced to Hyunjin, Heejin gestures at the chair in front of her before speaking, “You’re at the right place, Hyunjin.”

(Hyunjin kind of swoons when Heejin says her name but Hyunjin would rather die before admitting that).

Almost stumbling into her seat after pulling out the chair, Hyunjin feels the awkwardness in the air between them. 

(It doesn’t make sense to her. She has talked to pretty girls before with perfect ease. She has gotten numbers without trying to get them, has been asked out without realizing, has no problem with flirting with them. But, when it comes to Heejin, it’s like Hyunjin barely knows a word to stutter out).

“So, what do you need help with?”

Hyunjin wishes she could give a straight answer. Something like “Oh, I need help with chapter four,” but really, all Hyunjin can do is look at her book, utterly lost and almost pathetically confused.

“Uh. Everything past chapter one? I- I’m absolute shit at math.”

Heejin sighs. (Not to make fun of Hyunjin, it’s just, getting help this late into the semester is a lot of material to cover. But, Heejin was getting volunteer hours for this so it’s not like she can complain. Plus, AP Calculus is a breeze for her and she can’t help but to take pity on Hyunjin because she looks like pure devastation sitting in front of her).

The sigh that Heejin let out seems to echo around the walls of Hyunjin’s brain. It’s an added burden that Hyunjin is sure Heejin never meant to vocalize, “I’m sorry if it takes forever for me to get something. I promise to try hard.”

Heejin looks up from the textbook and nods in acknowledgement after finding the first page of chapter two before sliding the book towards Hyunjin, “What about chapter two do you need help with?”

Hyunjin sheepishly smiles and Heejin blinks at the lack of her reply. Twirling the pencil in her hand, Heejin takes out her own piece of paper to begin their tutoring session.

As it goes, Hyunjin really is horrible at math. 

It takes a while for concepts to click and make sense and Hyunjin is barely finishing up the practice problems Heejin assigned for her when her phone begins to vibrate. Quickly silencing it when Heejin looks up from grading her work, Hyunjin darts her eyes to her nails because she couldn’t take any more of being close to Heejin. All while Heejin was tutoring her, Hyunjin could only focus on how cute she looked when she furrowed her eyebrows when she would read the chapter notes, how her circle wire framed glasses made her look even cuter, the moles adorning her face, and how pretty her smile looked when Hyunjin finally executed a concept correctly. Not to mention how Heejin’s voice was just enchanting as it was the day before and if Hyunjin could listen to a sound for the rest of her life, Heejin’s voice would be her immediate choice.

It was a miracle how Hyunjin took in any information.

(It could be her fear of being even more of a burden to Heejin. Or embarrassing herself even further in front of her. Or it could be Hyunjin’s burning desire to impress the girl. In all honesty, Hyunjin knows it’s all of the above).

When Hyunjin’s phone rings again, she picks up and whisper-shouts into the phone, “I’m almost done!” It’s silent for a bit until Hyunjin replies again, “I won’t be late, Yeddeong. I’ll be there, don’t sweat.” When she turns around to face Heejin, the girl is looking at her expectantly with her paper in front of her. To Hyunjin’s relief, she only sees one “x” out of fifteen possible answers.

“You did well, Hyunjin. Just keep practicing what we started for chapter four and when you come back, I’ll start by grading whatever work you do.” 

As they pack up, Hyunjin waits for Heejin to finish zipping up her Stitch pencil bag before pushing in her chair. Walking to the door together, Hyunjin lightly tugs at Heejin’s shirt when the girl opens it, “Thanks for being so patient. It must’ve been hard teaching me.”

Heejin smiles and for the first time, it’s a genuine, honest to God shining, wonderful smile that makes Hyunjin’s heart flip, “You worked hard, Hyunjin. It’s easy teaching someone who wants to be taught.” Before Hyunjin can reply, her phone rings again.

Picking up and frustrated about the rude interruption taking her attention away from Heejin’s pretty smile, Hyunjin speaks through gritted teeth, “Holy shit, Yeji, I’m on my way! Tell the girls to get a head start on stretching in five minutes.”

Hanging up and noticing Heejin’s raised eyebrows, Hyunjin shakes her head while slinging her second bag onto her shoulder, “I have practice in thirty minutes and my coach hates it when we’re late to being fifteen minutes early. He has us run sprints for every minute we’re late and my co-captain just likes making sure we don’t have to run more than we already do.”

Heejin puffs out a breath, “Sounds strict.”

Hyunjin visibly shudders as the flashbacks of conditioning hit her—grueling, painful, vomit-inducing, soul-sucking experiences turned into memories of relentlessly running drills and sprinting in hot summer heat. “Strict is putting it lightly.”

Heejin laughs and it sounds like the chiming of bells, the existence of a perfectly peaceful world where everything is just right—it makes Hyunjin feel like she would do just about anything her heart desired if it meant Heejin laughing. Perfectly aware of the heart eyes she is sending to the other girl’s way, Hyunjin shakes her head. Before getting a start towards the gym, Hyunjin fiddles with her fingers when Heejin looks back at her.

“Thanks for tutoring me, Heejin. Could I-, uh-, may I…” Clearing her throat when Heejin patiently waits for her to continue, “I like you. As my tutor. Can I get your number? Because I like you as my tutor and don’t-”

(Heejin breathes a chortle of a laugh and Hyunjin thinks she’d embarrass herself over and over again if it meant Heejin would laugh like that).

Taking the phone Hyunjin had out, the Contacts app open, Heejin starts typing down her number, “Just text me whenever you need me and we’ll figure something out.”

Hyunjin only nods as Heejin walks away, her charming smile being the last thing Hyunjin sees.

(When Hyunjin hobbles into practice two minutes shy of being late to being early with one ankle brace on, her fingers tying up the other, Yeji breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of Hyunjin coming from the locker rooms. Lacing up her shoes, Hyunjin has to dodge an empty Gatorade bottle when she teases her co-captain, “Bet you broke a sweat, huh? Thought I was gonna be late?”

Yeji side-eyed their coach and spoke quietly to avoid her voice reaching his ears, “Coach walked in all pissed, clutching his towel. You know he’s whistle happy when he’s like that.”

Paling at that, Hyunjin closes her eyes to savor her last minute of relaxation before an exhausting practice; the sound of a sharp whistle feels like a stab of reality. Begrudgingly running onto the court and getting into the stretching circle, Yeji bumps into her shoulder as if to say, “We’re in this together”).

~.~.~

The next time Hyunjin contacts Heejin, it’s Friday night after a much easier basketball practice.

Kim Hyunjin: hi heejin! it’s kim hyunjin! the girl you’re tutoring! i was wondering if you’re free anytime this weekend to meet up? i did a couple of problems for practice!

It takes Heejin two hours and twenty-seven minutes to reply—not like Hyunjin was counting or anything—and when Heejin’s name pops up on her screen, Hyunjin nearly drops her phone on her face.

Jeon Heejin: hey hyunjin! im free sunday morning and afternoon! i have things to do in the evening so i’ll be busy then >.<

Usually, weekends blow by for Hyunjin, but something tells her that Sunday will feel like it is eons away. The thought of seeing Heejin soon makes the butterflies in her stomach flutter, a nervous feeling that makes Hyunjin giddy. Thinking of ways to make the time go by, Hyunjin looks at the basketball in the corner of her room. Sometimes, her Saturday’s are spent doing some practice drills with Yeji at the park by their house, but before Hyunjin can text her friend, her phone dings.

yeddeong: you know the show jisu’s been practicing for? it’s tomorrow and she invited you!! it’d be nice for her to see as many familiar faces as possible!!

Hyunjin briefly remembers Hyejoo talking to her about her parent’s cafe proudly hosting Jisu’s set and how excited the girl seemed to hear something new at work other than the same old Spotify playlist Chaewon puts on.

kim hyunjin (basketball): i’ll be there! it’s been a while since i’ve hung out with your friends :D 

yeddeong: wanna shoot hoops before her show tho 👀

kim hyunjin (basketball): you don’t even have to ask 🏃 

As Saturday morning comes, Hyunjin pulls up to her usual spot at the park. Finding that Yeji’s car is already parked with the girl leaning back in her seat, her eyes closed, and her body lazily relaxed, Hyunjin decides to call her instead of tapping on her window.

(The last time she startled Yeji like that, she had almost peed her pants and whacked Hyunjin hard enough on her arm for her to have a bruise for the next week).

Watching as her friend nods awake and blindly pats for the vibrating sensation on her seat, Hyunjin shouts into the phone when Yeji picks up despite finding her friend outside of her car, goofy smile on her lips, “Yeddeong! Wake up!” Yeji grumbles into the phone before reaching for her bag and getting out of the car.

“Did Jisu keep you up late last night?”

Yeji pushes her shoulder, her sleepy eyes adjusting to the sunlight, “Shut up. You’re just jealous you don’t have a girlfriend that sings you to sleep.”

(Hyunjin hates that Yeji knows her so well). 

“Whatever. We can’t all be lucky and find the loves of our lives so easily.”

Yeji looks up while stretching out her calves, bright smile on her lips at the thought of Jisu. “I just love rubbing my happy relationship in your face. Maybe it’ll get you to actually do something with Heejin instead of just sneaking books into her locker like a loser.”

Throwing her athletic tape at her friend, Hyunjin huffs, “Shut up! She makes me so nervous. If I told you how horrible detention went with her, you’d never let me live it down.”

Taping her jammed middle finger together with her ring finger over a layer of pre-wrap, Yeji rips the tape with her teeth before throwing the roll back, “But, how about tutoring? How did that go?”

Hyunjin shrugs as she stretches out her arm, “We just talked about calculus for two hours. She probably thinks I’m helpless.”

Yeji hums and shrugs, “Probably. You are really bad at math.” 

Hyunjin is indignant when she whines, “Hey! You’re bad at math too; you can’t say shit!”

Yeji laughs and starts dribbling to the middle of the court, “Yeah, I’m bad at math. That’s why I’m taking AP Stats. Everyone knows that statistics is so much easier than fucking calculus.”

Whining again and showing her hands for a pass and if it weren’t for the years spent practicing besides Yeji, the chest pass she bullets towards her would have knocked the air out of her. Playing around until kids started filing into the park, Yeji stops Hyunjin before she gets into her car, “What’s the next book you’re planning on giving Heejin?”

Hyunjin smiles before taking a book out from her car and handing it to Yeji, “I just finished this and it made me feel so many things and it hits pretty close to what I care about.” Reading the premise of the book, Yeji raises her eyebrows.

“The main character is non-binary? That’s awesome!”

Hyunjin slides into her car and starts her engine, “I hope Heejin likes it. I left some annotations throughout the book this time.”

Before leaving, Yeji rolls down her windows before shouting at Hyunjin over her music, “Like usual, Jiwoo will let me know when she’s able to sneak it in and I’ll let you know.”

Hyunjin rolls her eyes at the smile on the girl’s lips, “You make it sound like we’re dealing.”

Yeji’s smile, goofy and big, has a playful tilt in her voice when she replies, “Yeah. We are. Books.”

~

After spending time to shower, getting some homework done, and relax, Yeji’s text serves to tell Hyunjin that she has arrived. Getting into the car after bidding goodbye to her parents, three girls are sitting in the backseat with the tallest one in the middle. 

Rolling down the passenger side window, Yeji’s smirk is teasing, “Hyunjin, your Uberpool is here.” 

(A chorus of whines comes from the backseat).

Hyunjin has only hung out with Ryujin, Chaeryeong, and Yuna a few times, usually after their home basketball games, but still, they greet her with warm smiles and happy voices. When Yeji starts to back out, Yuna has to lean her head on Chaeryeong’s shoulder to give the girl as much visibility as she can when she looks behind her.

“Yuna, why are you sitting in the middle?”

The girl pouts and Hyunjin finds it difficult to not coo at her, “I lost during rock, paper, scissors.” Before Yuna can whine even more, Ryujin’s phone dings and a smile blooms on her lips.

“Heejin’s already there. She said that Jisu’s so nervous that she might faint.”

Hyunjin freezes while Yeji breezily replies back, “Tell her we’re almost there. And that I’m bringing Jisu snacks.”

It’s like Hyunjin’s blood runs cold hearing Heejin’s name. Side-eyeing Yeji, the girl has a knowing and playful smirk on her lips. Closing her eyes and breathing deeply, Hyunjin makes a note to squeeze the fingers taped together as soon as Yeji is liberated from driving.

Chaeryeong chirps from the back, her head nodding to the music playing from Yeji’s stereo, “Hey Hyun, you know Heejin, right?”

(She most definitely knows Heejin. It’s not like she spent the last three years crushing on her or anything).

“She uh- she tutors me for AP Calc.”

Chaeryeong grimaces from the back, “Chaeyeon complains about that class all the time.”

Hyunjin sighs and looks back at the girl, her eyes warning the younger girl to never take the class when she is given the option to, “Rightfully so. It’s kicking my ass.”

Yuna brightens even more so when she comforts Hyunjin, “At least Heejin is tutoring you! She’s helping me with Algebra 2 and I swear she’s a better teacher than my actual teacher!”

Looking at the youngest through the rearview mirror, Yeji’s smile is fond and loving, “If anyone can work a math miracle, it’s Heejin.” Getting slaps from both Yuna and Hyunjin, Yeji is left laughing while rubbing at her shoulder.

When they finally arrive, Yuna seems to spill out of the car when she stretches out her legs, “Yeji, my body is not made for the middle seat of your car.” 

Yeji only scratches under her chin and coos at her, “Don’t lose next time, big baby.” Yuna slaps at her hand and playfully glares at her—it is the least bit threatening.

“I hate it when you call me that.” 

Chaeryeong pokes the girl’s cheeks and laughs when Yuna’s pout deepens, “On the way back, I’ll sit in the middle.” Dodging a kiss that Yuna gratefully sends, Hyunjin likes how comfortable it feels to be around Yeji’s friends.

Walking behind them with Yeji, Hyunjin pinches the girl’s stomach (and revels in how she yelps). “You knew Heejin was coming and didn’t think to give me a single warning?”

Yeji only giggles a teasing hehe before skittering away.

What a little shit.

Walking into the cafe after taking a moment to gather herself outside (in hopes to not make a fool of herself in front of Heejin again), there is a comfortable air that looms around. The lights are warm and Yeji sits at a piano with Jisu next to her, playing the sheet music in front of her. They’re good for each other, Hyunjin notes. Yeji, while capable of being a leader, has tendencies of youthful joy and unbridled innocence. She enjoys playing around and being in the company of close friends and thrives under their attention—something Jisu seems to have an abundance of for Yeji. Yeji is patient, selflessly caring when it comes down to it. She spent years pining and waiting for Jisu to return her love, but, with how Jisu looks at her now with stars in her eyes and how she smiles when Yeji laughs and buries her face into her neck, Hyunjin doesn’t need Yeji to tell her that the waiting was worthwhile. 

Looking around the cafe, Heejin is sitting at the edge of the stage talking with Ryujin, her legs lightly swinging when she tucks her hair behind her ear. Shoulder to shoulder and laughing, probably at a joke Ryujin made, there’s a part of Hyunjin that is jealous—jealous that Ryujin could talk to her so easily, be the one to make Heejin laugh, sit so close to her without feeling like she was standing at the very edge of a cliff, be the one that Heejin leans her head on when she laughs even harder. 

Ryujin is a natural charmer. She’s effortlessly cool and she carries herself with the utmost relaxed confidence. And then she smiles, the genuine and happy one she does, and it’s like watching the sun shine on a pleasant day. From past experiences of hanging out with Yeji and her friends, Hyunjin has come to see that Ryujin has a quiet way of caring and looking out for her friends—a quality that makes even the four of them swoon.

(Theoretically speaking, falling for Ryujin would be as natural as spring bringing the blossoming of flowers).

Interrupting her moment of brooding (and downspiral of confidence), it’s like being met with an abundance of sunlight when Jiwoo approaches her with her bright smile. Trailing her, Jungeun is quickly whisking into a cup.

Knowing Jiwoo through Jungeun, Jiwoo greets her like a loving best friend despite only meeting Hyunjin a few times, “Hey Hyun!”

(At this point, Jungeun stops her whisking to pout at the pain in her arms before slinging one of them over Jiwoo’s shoulders, the other girl taking over and furiously whipping into the cup).

“Dalgona coffee?”

Jiwoo’s tongue peeks out from behind her lips in concentration. “Hyejoo bet us that we wouldn’t be able to whip it in 20 minutes and it’s not like we were gonna let that brat think that we can’t without trying.”

Hyunjin looks into the cup and notices signs of bubbling, but it’s far from the frothy and airy appearance that she has seen all over social media. “How long has it been?”

Jungeun frowns before mumbling, “Ten minutes.”

Chuckling at their misfortune, Hyunjin only pats their shoulders before walking over to Hyejoo manning the register. “You just like to watch Jungeun and Jiwoo suffer, huh?”

Hyejoo smirks at that and shrugs her shoulder feigning innocence, “They could’ve just said no.” Hyunjin rolls her eyes, seeing through her facade.

“That’s Jungeun we’re talking about here. She physically cannot refuse a challenge and we both know that Jiwoo will follow her to the ends of the earth if Jungeun wanted her to.” 

Hyejoo smiles broadly with mirthful eyes, “I know.”

Shaking her head and playfully pointing at Hyejoo, Hyunjin supposes that this was one of the reasons why Hyejoo had snuck her way into her heart. The girl, despite sleeping for fourteen hours a day if she could, has a lively way of looking at life. Ambitious and confident, but still, somewhat unsure, Hyejoo has a way of looking at uncertainty in the eyes without an ounce of fear.

(Hyunjin wishes she could do the same).

After ordering a drink, Hyunjin waits by the side while aimlessly scrolling through her Instagram feed. It’s relatively peaceful with the jazz music playing from the speakers and the smell of coffee wafting throughout the cafe always gave Hyunjin some kind of respite. 

“Hey stranger.”

Hyunjin knows that voice, it’s one that she has committed to her memory within the first thirty minutes of hearing it, one that she has lost herself into. Quickly pocketing her phone and meeting Heejin’s soft doe eyes, the other girl is smiling at her (it makes Hyunjin’s heartbeat race by the tenfold) and it’s like looking at Aphrodite herself when Heejin tucks her hair behind her ears. (Hyunjin can’t help but to think about how cute the mole by her eye is, how charming it is as it sits right underneath her eye smile).

(Which by the way, Hyunjin swears that that eye smile could melt the coldest of hearts).

“Heejin! Hey! Didn’t know you’d be here!”

The girl leans against the wall beside Hyunjin and shrugs, “Jisu needed a guitarist and Jiwoo volunteered me. Not that I mind; I really like performing with them.”

(At this, Hyunjin can’t stop herself from imagining how it looks—feels—to be the one that Heejin would serenade songs to. It’s a dreamy vision of fluttering emotions and the beauty of being surrounded by a meadow of spring flowers. It makes her stomach flip and internally swoon).

Playing off the nerves bubbling up her throat and ignoring how her legs begin to bounce, Hyunjin smiles teasingly. (Or at least Hyunjin hopes it comes off as teasing because as she discovered, whatever emotions she tries to convey to Heejin always comes out wrong). “Math, art, instruments, what can’t you do, Miss Extraordinaire?”

When Heejin laughs, Hyunjin blows out a breath of relief. It always feels like walking a tightrope talking to the other girl—breathless and calculating with her heart’s tremendous pounding echoing through her ears. Wanting to get everything right and fumbling every other step she takes, being beside Heejin and talking with her feels like a game of chance for Hyunjin, always hoping that she takes the right steps without shamefully falling off the rope.

Heejin shyly bumps her shoulders and it’s like Hyunjin can feel the warm heat rippling throughout her body when she flicks her gaze at the spot that Heejin had bumped, “For one, I can’t multitask. I heard that you’re really good at basketball. I feel like a newborn deer whenever sports are involved.”

It’s like Hyunjin’s mind goes a thousand miles per hour. Has she ever seen me play? Who told her I was really good? Oh God, if she watched me, I hope she didn’t see me airballing a shot; that’d be so embarrassing. Before Hyunjin can crumble into a pile of questions, Heejin sidles even closer.

“I overheard Yeji telling Jisu about your morning practice. You seem really dedicated.”

Hyunjin stops herself from audibly scoffing—it’s not exactly the right time or place to be unwinding all of her problems when it concerns the sport she excels at. Smiling, feeling the unease in it, Hyunjin looks towards the counter to check if her drink is ready yet. (It wasn’t). “It’s something like that.” The air shifts at the sudden drop of her mood. Attempting to salvage it, Hyunjin peps herself up and wears a brighter smile, “How about this? Tomorrow, after you save my ass and help me understand vectors and matrices, I’ll teach you some basketball things?”

Heejin shuffles her feet looking a bit uneasy and Hyunjin almost takes back her offer in exchange for apologies until Heejin beams, “It’s only fair that you teach me something too, right?”

Nodding almost like a bobble head, Hyunjin quickly recovers and flashes a confident grin, “Exactly right, Heej!”

Heejin seems a little taken aback by the nickname and Hyunjin wants to dig a hole and just lay in it until the world forgets about her, but Heejin’s eyes begin to sparkle with a certain fondness in them. Gesturing behind her with a seemingly charmed smile, Hyunjin can’t help but to feel giddy. “I’m gonna- Jisu’s set starts soon and I-”

Hyunjin subconsciously throws a thumbs up and a grin stuck between awkward and goofy.

(If anyone asks Hyunjin, it’d be one of the more cringe-worthy things she has done in her life, but, if anyone asks Heejin, she’d say differently).

Before Hyunjin can sink into the wall and pray to be sucked into it, the barista calls her name and hates how Chaewon reads off the name on the cup despite knowing it’s for her. Hyunjin is not too fond of being called a furry, especially in public. But, at least Heejin wasn’t there for that.

(She’ll have to give Hyejoo a good noogie after her shift for that).

Meeting up at the front where Yeji and the rest of her friends were sitting and saying encouraging things towards Jisu, Heejin, and Jiwoo, it’s not a surprise that Jungeun is also there—still whisking into the cup—doing the same thing, albeit distractedly since the mixture has begun to froth the slightest bit. However, as the lights dim, the cup of coffee is long forgotten as Jungeun focuses her eyes on her girlfriend, the whole world’s amount of adoration shining through them.

Watching Heejin play guitar feels like something out of a fairytale. There is an elegance that radiates from her, an inimitable serenity that brings comfort to Hyunjin like the gentle rolling waves of a calm ocean. (That is not to say that Jisu or Jiwoo didn’t shine either, it’s just, it’s Heejin. Anywhere that she is concerned, she will be all that Hyunjin sees). And when Heejin sings, it’s like the melody of angels, a warm tone that soothes her like hot chocolate on a cold day. Listening to her with her eyes closed, it feels as if Heejin’s voice had a body—one with the right kind of comfort to just melt into—that holds Hyunjin in a safe embrace and a soft caress to help her forget about everything heavy that sits on her shoulders.

(Hyunjin wonders if it’s possible to fall in love with someone without ever really knowing them because Heejin feels like she could be the one for her).

As soon as Jisu comes down from the stage after finishing her set, Yeji is pulling her into a tight embrace and peppering proud kisses on her cheeks, her forehead, and her hair. Hyunjin thinks that Jisu wouldn’t have to do much for Yeji to treat her like God because, indeed, God is a woman, and to Yeji, She is standing right there in her arms with the cutest crescent moon-eyed smile and red blushing cheeks.

(Jungeun isn’t as public with her displays of affection, but that doesn’t stop her from putting Jiwoo’s arms around her waist before pulling her away into a private space, the other girl giggling into the back of her shoulder).

Watching Heejin packing up her guitar, it’s subconscious when Hyunjin reaches out a hand to help her down the steps when she finishes up. (And plus, if Hyunjin was consciously doing it, she would have at least wiped her clammy hands on her jeans before offering them to the girl because holding sweaty hands is just gross).

Picking at her nails and unable to meet Heejin’s eyes, Hyunjin hopes that Heejin can hear her past the overlapping chatter, “You were incredible up there.” Heejin comes closer, a hand by her ear, and her eyebrows in a confused furrow. (The close proximity makes the pounding in Hyunjin’s chest rattle against her ribs). Repeating the words again and hoping that she doesn’t sound as nervous as she feels, Heejin’s eyes seem to gleam like the stars, a grateful grin reassuring Hyunjin’s heart when Heejin thanks her for her compliment.

Trying throughout the night to spark and keep conversation with Heejin, Hyunjin can’t help but to find it difficult as the girl’s attention strays everywhere, her focus floating between all the friends there praising and conversing with her. But, there are the times that Heejin’s eyes will come to find hers because Hyunjin is already looking at her—go figure when she is talking to someone else and she’ll smile and it’ll make Hyunjin feel a little less left out despite her talking with everyone else too).

As the cafe comes to a close and all the patrons slowly leave, Yeji pulls her to the side, “I gave Jiwoo the book. She said she’ll try to put it in her locker on Monday.”

Shifting on her feet and darting her eyes toward the girl playing with Jungeun’s hair, Hyunjin speaks lowly, “Did she ask who’s giving you the books again?”

Yeji shakes her head and leans it against the wall, “She only asked once and when I refused to tell, she never asked again. But I know that she’s curious.” Finding Heejin alone and sitting next to Ryujin and talking to her with a shy smile on her lips, Hyunjin feels a bit of her heart sink.

“I wonder who she thinks it is.”

Yeji sighs and crosses her arms, “When she asked the first time, she guessed Ryujin. And it’s not like I couldn’t tell her no. You told me to not say a single thing, so I just kept quiet.”

And it makes perfect sense that Jiwoo would have that assumption. Ryujin is a proud member of the Literature Club, her Instagram feed usually about the books she reads and the occasional book review on Instagram TV. Ryujin and Heejin had been friends since Ryujin’s freshman year, meeting the girl one afternoon by peeking her head in during a Literature Club meeting. And with Yeji giving the books to Jiwoo, it makes sense that Ryujin could be the one giving her the books because Yeji and Ryujin were friends long before high school. It would be fair to guess that Yeji is just fulfilling some kind of best friend duty. (Which she is it’s just a different friend). But, at the same time to Jiwoo’s benefit, it’s not like anyone else knew about Hyunjin’s crush on Heejin other than Yeji. It also doesn’t help Hyunjin’s case when Ryujin seems to mindlessly flirt with Heejin whenever they’re together—the dots just seem to connect.

“Ryuddaeng hasn’t told me anything, but there is a chance that she could like Heejin too. She talks about her often. Highly, too. And, you know that I love you, Hyun, but I also love Ryujin and I won’t get in the way if she does end up liking Heejin and doing something about it.”

Hyunjin gets it because Ryujin is so worthy of love. So why in the world would Yeji get in the way of that? Hyunjin could never be angry at her for standing by what is right.

Falling into the wall and exhaling deeply, Hyunjin lightly bumps Yeji’s shoulders, “I understand, Yeddeong. And I’m not mad at you for it. You’re being a good friend and that’s all I’d ever want you to be for Ryujin. She deserves that much.”

Yeji smirks, a playful glint in her sharp eyes, “But, that doesn’t mean that I’m not rooting for you either. Kick your ass into gear, Hyunjin. It’s senior year, you’ve liked her since the beginning of freshman year, before you got all popular or whatever, and have liked her since. Don’t let this year go by without shooting your shot. And plus, if worse comes to worst, it’s our last year; you might never see her again.”

Frowning at the idea of never seeing Heejin again, Hyunjin can feel how her eyebrows furrow at the thought, “But I don’t want to never see her again.”

Pushing off the wall and walking backwards towards her friends, Yeji is still just as playful when she shrugs, “Then let’s hope that the worse doesn’t come to worst.”

Following her and bumping into her shoulder, Hyunjin scoffs out a laugh, “Thanks for the pep talk, coach.”

(Yeji promptly shoves Hyunjin hard enough for her to stumble, an indignant “Shut up!” falling from pouty lips).

~.~.~

Waking up at seven in the morning to play basketball is something Hyunjin doesn’t mind doing, and in fact, has done numerous times before. But, waking up at seven in the morning to get ready and to do math had Hyunjin yearning for her bed and soft blankets. But then again, the only reason why she was getting ready at 7AM for a tutoring session that starts at 10AM was to get her shit together and do some extra math problems. (And to maybe straighten her hair because it was a little too messy for her taste. Looking sloppy in front of Heejin is just something Hyunjin doesn’t want to do).

Hyunjin doesn’t normally try this hard—straightening her hair and doing extra work, math nonetheless—but more than anything, she wants to impress Heejin. Something like trying to desperately cancel out at all the times she embarrassed herself in front of the other girl in the past.

Arriving twenty minutes early (because punctuality is the number one sign of respect) (but also to give Hyunjin some time to hype herself up and beg to the universe that she won’t psych herself out when she’s alone with Heejin), Hyunjin fiddles with her phone in her car. Claiming a table by the basketball courts once ten minutes passed, Hyunjin can only tap her pencil against her notebook in anticipation.

Hearing the tell-tale rattling of a skateboard on blacktop, Hyunjin’s heart just about stops when her eyes trail up to find the woman she had just been thinking of. Wearing a mustard beanie, glasses, and an oversized flannel, Hyunjin is stuck between staring in awe and wanting to pinch the girl’s cheeks when Heejin sends a happy grin her way.

(Hyunjin didn’t think Heejin could get any more attractive, but it’s like everytime she sees her, she finds out how wrong she is each time she sees her).

“You skateboard too?” Heejin shrugs, smiling shyly at the awe in Hyunjin’s voice.

Sliding into the table bench and slinging her backpack off her shoulders, Heejin pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose when they slip, “I only live a couple minutes away and I didn’t wanna bother with my car.”

Rising an eyebrow at the thud her backpack makes on the table, Hyunjin balks when she lifts the heavy bag, “You skateboarded here carrying all of this on your back?”

It’s the first time Hyunjin sees Heejin blush and the sight of her embarrassed smile makes her heart do somersaults.

“I mean, on top of the textbook, I just figured that while I wait for you to do some practice problems, I’d do some sketches so I brought my art stuff.”

Feeling guilty, Hyunjin sighs, “Let me drive you home when we’re done and if we do this again, I’ll pick you up so that you don’t have to worry about your car or carrying this much weight on your way here.”

When Heejin tries to refuse, the glare Hyunjin gives her shuts her up, the same pink blush dusting her cheeks.

Finally settled in with Heejin’s textbook open to the practice page and her own notebook of work in front of her, Hyunjin flips her own notebook open, slides it to Heejin, and anxiously watches as Heejin grades her work. Doing well enough that she only misses two problems out of the fifteen Heejin assigned, Hyunjin has to remind herself to focus on the textbook when Heejin begins to teach her the next lesson.

Except, it’s so easy to get distracted because Heejin’s lips look so mesmerizing and her warm brown eyes turn into pools of honey when the sun begins to shine through the clouds. Her voice is heaven and even the way she writes is so pretty and Hyunjin could count the amount of times Heejin has swiped her tongue across her lips to wet them and how she constantly adjusts her glasses when they fail to stay in place.

“So, did you understand that?”

Frantically trying to fight through her haze and grasp what Heejin was saying, Hyunjin hopes that she wasn’t too lost in her gazing that she didn’t register any of the information Heejin was relaying, “Uh- so if r equals n, it means that the system has a unique solution?”

Heejin grins at her and it’s a rush of validation because for one, she understood math (which, holy shit, is a feat on its own), and secondly, Heejin looks so proud of her and Hyunjin wants to find every single way she can get Heejin to look at her like that again.

“Right! So, if we look at determinants and A having a determinant of zero, this means that?”

Feeling genuinely confident in her answer and chiming in without an ounce of hesitation, “A doesn’t have an inverse. It’s singular and rank A should be less than n which means that it doesn’t have a full rank!”

Beaming at her with the same proud smile that the sun would be jealous of, Heejin coos at her teasingly and lightly pats Hyunjin’s head, her fingers lacing through her hair as they leave.

(Hyunjin pretty much dies in her spot, her heart frozen in its place from shock).

“You’re getting the concepts really well, Hyun!”

Hyunjin just nervously giggles—Hyunjin doesn’t know the last time she has giggled like this—and hopes that Heejin doesn’t see the panic in her eyes. “Having a great teacher really helps, so, thank you, Heej.”  

Heejin blushes again, a sight that Hyunjin only gets a glimpse of as Heejin busies herself with finding more practice problems for Hyunjin to solve. Enjoying the peace of losing herself to the sight of the girl in front of her, Hyunjin doesn’t notice how her chin has come to rest in her hands and how her eyes are rapt and fully captivated by how the sun makes Heejin’s skin glow like a warm halo.

She is so beautiful. 

Like a natural wonder that no human could ever think of, sculpt, or paint, Heejin is ineffable—an unfathomable marvel that Hyunjin can’t believe she has the privilege of knowing. 

Hyunjin’s stare is heavy, laden with fascination. It’d be impossible for Heejin to not feel her lingering gaze. Flicking her eyes up, her lips quirk up when Hyunjin quickly turns her head and darts her eyes to the playground and flitters back to check if Heejin was still looking. (She was).

Hyunjin’s cheeks feel warm in her palm, as if heat could radiate off them after being caught staring. 

After taking a break, there is a comfortable silence between the two, both of them scribbling on paper—Hyunjin erasing and brushing eraser remnants away while doing practice problems and Heejin periodically looking up from her sketchbook and making sure she got the curve of Hyunjin’s nose just right.

At this point, Hyunjin’s heart has reached a peaceful calm, her palms no longer sweaty and her legs no longer bouncing in anxiety. It’s pleasant just being in Heejin’s company. Sometimes the other girl will absentmindedly hum and twirl her pencil between her fingers or she’ll put her sketchbook down to watch the clouds roll by. Compared to the chaos that Hyunjin used to feel when Heejin was so close, this tranquility puts her at ease. 

Heejin is halfway done with finishing an outline of Hyunjin when the girl straightens out her back and groans after being hunched over for so long. Grading the work that Hyunjin has for her, it’s a little past twelve when they pack up their books and supplies. Taking Heejin’s bag and skateboard before she can say anything and putting it in her car, Hyunjin exchanges the school materials she has for the basketball sitting stationary in her trunk.

Confident smirk on her lips, Hyunjin feels a bit of control come her way, “I believe it’s my turn to teach you something.”

Basketball, to Hyunjin, is something that she can excel in even half-asleep. If it weren’t for how hard she works to improve her skills, she’d say it was innate for her to do well in the sport. Even if she is constantly learning every time she plays, Hyunjin knows basketball better than anything. After playing so much, movements are second nature and she has developed the skill to survey the court even if she is dribbling around or away from opponents giving heated pressure. 

“Well, what do you wanna learn?”

Heejin looks a little caught off guard, lost in some way. Hyunjin thinks she might have looked like that when Heejin first tutored her. (She only hopes that she looked even a smidge as cute then as Heejin does now).

“Uh- I’ve always found shooting to look really fun.”

The words feel a little foreign coming out of Heejin’s lips and it feels even more foreign when Hyunjin hands her the ball after getting her a few feet away from the basket.

“The best place to start is learning the form. Place your dominant hand out in front you, palms up, and then rotate your arm as you bring it close to your head. Kinda like you’re lifting something up. That’s your shooting arm. And then put the hand you’re not using on the side of the ball to give yourself some support. That’s your guiding hand. When you shoot, keep your elbows in, snap your wrists, and keep your hands pointed at the basket.” 

When Hyunjin looks at Heejin to see if there is any confusion, the girl is a question mark. Smiling at how lost she looks, Hyunjin only moves behind Heejin, “Here, let me help you.” 

With her heart pummeling against her chest, its beating roaring in her ears, Hyunjin’s arms come around to grasp Heejin’s to guide them into the right shooting form.

Hyunjin underestimated how close she’d be to Heejin doing this and just how much it would send her senses into overdrive. Her mind is going haywire, everything about Heejin being the only thing she can think of—how she smells of vanilla and something sweet like shea butter, how soft her hand is when she adjusts her guiding hand to a better position, how she can see the gradual up and down of her chest as the girl breathes, the quiet sound of Heejin asking for confirmation if her form was correct. Not trusting her voice to answer, Hyunjin just nods.

Unconsciously, her feet lightly kicks out Heejin’s left leg to get her squarer with the basket. Her voice, almost like a whisper, is quiet as Hyunjin speaks by Heejin’s ear. (Whether it's to hide how nervous she is or if she’s trying to preserve the other girl’s hearing, Hyunjin just knows that the high she feels from the adrenaline rushing through her veins now will be enough to knock her out for a good nap later).

“Stagger your right leg a little and lift from your legs to power your shot.”

Abruptly stepping away from Heejin and reining her focus back, Hyunjin surveys the girl’s form.

Heejin’s voice is low. Quiet, too, as if she could sense the tension knotting up in Hyunjin’s stomach, “Like this?”

Nodding and doing her best to make eye contact (which she fails at doing), Hyunjin shuffles Heejin over the slightest bit, “It helps to keep your right leg lined up with the basket for a straight shot.”

When Hyunjin steps back and gestures towards the basket, Heejin readjusts herself before getting back into form. When she shoots, the ball ricochets off the basket and Hyunjin is off like a shot, rebounding it. Looking at her, Heejin is pouting, confused. “What did I do wrong?”

(Hyunjin melts at how she can hear the pout in her voice, finding the quiet whine adorable).

“Use a little more power to give yourself a bigger arc. Push from your thighs to get more strength in your shot.”

Trying again, Heejin pretty much squeals when the ball bounces off the box of the backboard and into the net, her arms flying around Hyunjin in a burst of happiness.

Instinctively wrapping her arms around Heejin’s waist, the smile that spills from her lips as her face burrows into Heejin’s neck is uncontrollable and Hyunjin can’t help but to think, “Ah, yes. If there could be a happy place, this would be it.”

It’s cringey and cliché and everything in between, but it's true because Hyunjin feels like she is unstoppable, an incredible force powering up the energy thrumming inside of her as if she were the fucking Energizer bunny.

Heejin’s gone just as quick as she came but it felt like time had stopped for Hyunjin to take in every detail of the moment—to let her see Heejin’s bright and beaming smile on her lips before engulfing her in a hug with Hyunjin’s nose buried into the crook of her neck, how her hair smelled of something fruity and sweet, how she had just made a little home out of Hyunjin’s arms, the melody of a giggle floating past Hyunjin’s ear.

Heejin makes everything Hyunjin feel at a dramatic tenfold. It feels as if her heart had beat hard enough against her chest that she worried Heejin could feel it when she held her close, worried that Heejin could hear its pounding against the temple of her head.

It’s a rush of euphoria that Hyunjin wants to never let go of.

When Heejin lets go, it takes everything in Hyunjin to not chase after her warmth and sink into her arms again even if it’s all that she wants to do. 

Spending a little more time shooting around (and Hyunjin doing her best to show off what she works so hard on), Hyunjin is taking a gulp of water when Heejin readjusts her beanie and glasses.

“I’d love to see you actually play. You were so good today and you were just goofing off.”

To hear Heejin complimenting her like that lights a fire within her, a rare confidence tailing Hyunjin’s voice, “Our first official game is the week after winter break. It’d be really cool to see you there cheering me on.”

It’s a quick beat of silence before Hyunjin tacks on, “With everyone else. I mean, my friends will be there. And Yeji’s. You know, Jisu, Chaeryeong, Yuna, and Ryujin? And they like to get together and make embarrassing signs for us before games and I’m sure the rest of my friends will be really happy to meet you. And you can bring your friends too if it makes you feel more comfort-”

With an amused smile, Heejin throws her a lifesaver and cuts in, “Let me know the details and I’ll be there, Hyun.”

Blushing scarlet and lowering her head to hide, Hyunjin just nods before throwing her basketball back into her trunk.

Starting her car, Hyunjin is glad she was listening to HA:TFELT’s latest album instead of something embarrassing as Satellite begins to leak through her speakers. Driving Heejin home, Hyunjin’s mind is a chaotic mess, trying to figure out what to talk about. When Dean’s 21 plays next, Heejin cranks the volume louder, “Something tells me your music taste is immaculate.”

Chortling a bit, Hyunjin steals a glance at Heejin before the light turns green, “Catch me on Spotify. All my playlists are on there.” 

Looking back at Hyunjin’s teasing smile, Heejin mirrors it too, “Bet! What’s your user?”

Hyunjin’s smile drops into something like shock, her eyes slightly panicked, “Wait, I was joking.”

Heejin laughs, her eyes in crescents, “I wasn’t! I really wanna know!”

With a sigh, Hyunjin resigns, unable to resist the girl beside her, “Fine! I’ll text you my code as soon as I get home.”

Seeing the smirk on Heejin’s lips, Hyunjin can’t help but to roll her eyes. If Heejin wanted her to do something as horrible as steal a child’s lollipop from her grasp, Hyunjin just knows she’d end up doing it because Heejin simply held that power over her.

Before Hyunjin sends Heejin her code, she makes sure to private all her embarrassing playlists, especially the ones that Hyunjin has made whenever Heejin made her feel all gooey inside. 

(It’d be a lie if Hyunjin said she didn’t listen to all of Heejin’s public playlists when she started following her back. It’s a bit tragic that Justin Bieber appears multiple times in different playlists, but Hyunjin supposes that there had to be some kind of humbling Heejin needed to bring her back down to earth).

~.~.~

Come Monday, Hyunjin gets a text from Yeji a little after she pulls into the school parking lot.

yeddeong: jiwoo just texted me. heejin should see the book before her first period.

Waiting around the corner by Heejin’s locker—close enough to hear anything—and waiting for her reaction, Hyunjin feels her heart stop when Heejin finally arrives and opens her locker. The smile that grows from her lips reminds Hyunjin of how flowers gradually bloom and show their stunning colors, a beautiful sight. Taking the book out of her locker after getting ready for her morning classes, Heejin leans against it and opens the book to its first page. When Heejin’s eyebrows pop and she proceeds to quickly flip through the pages, Hyunjin knows that Heejin is surprised to see the abundance of notes written.

In all the past books that Hyunjin has given, she has made sure to leave as little notes as possible, fearing that her handwriting would be detectable and rat her out. (It took Yeji months of persuasion to make Hyunjin realize how ridiculous she was being). For the first time, this book was fully annotated and filled with Hyunjin’s thoughts and opinions.

Content with Heejin’s reaction, Hyunjin is about to leave and meet up with Hyejoo and Yerim who usually hang out by Hyunjin’s first period classroom. That is until Jiwoo and Jungeun swing around the other corner, Jungeun cleaning Jiwoo’s glasses with the bottom of her shirt.

“Another book?”

Heejin nods.

“I wonder who’s giving me the books.”

Jiwoo shrugs and it’s actually believable when she expresses absolute cluelessness, “Who do you think it is?”

Heejin sighs in disappointment before leaning her head against her locker, “You said that you saw Yeji dropping a book off at my locker once, right?”

Jiwoo nods after a second, forgetting that she had lied to Heejin about being the one dropping the books off. Jiwoo’s philosophy was that the closer the lie was to the truth, the better she’ll be able to be convincing without saying too much. (Lying was never really her forte).

“If it’s Yeji, it makes me think that it could be any of her friends because there’s no way it’s her leaving me books like special gifts because she’s super fucking in love with Jisu. I know it’s not Chaeryeong or Yuna because we’ve never really hung out. So that leaves Ryujin and it makes sense if it’s her because Yeji would do anything for her. And plus, Ryujin loves books and she’s usually the one recommending new ones in Lit Club.”

It takes everything in Jiwoo to not agree with complete conviction. But, before she can say anything, Heejin backtracks.

“But then again, it doesn’t make sense. Out of all the books I’ve been given the last three years, none of them have showed up on Ryujin’s Instagram feed and she’s never recommended them before.”

“Maybe she’s just being cautious, Heekkie?”

“Maybe. But, how does Yeji know my locker combination? It just doesn’t make sense. Only you and Jungeun know my code.”

Jiwoo’s eyes begin to shake, panic starting to rise, “Oh, well, it’s definitely not us! We’d just give you the books if we wanted you to read them. Maybe Yeji’s good at breaking into lockers!”

At this point, Hyunjin is face palming at how quickly Jiwoo has lost her composure.

Heejin tsks and the bell for the first period interrupts her thought, “Maybe. I don’t know. Some things aren’t really clicking.” When the trio start walking towards Hyunjin’s direction, she quickly turns towards the lockers to hide herself as best as she can.

“I mean, say if Ryujin really were giving you the books, what would you do?”

Cautiously following them, Hyunjin tries to stay as inconspicuous as she can.

“I- I don’t know. Because Ryujin’s really cool and sweet and pretty, but I’ve never thought of her like that. Yeah, we flirt here and there, but I didn’t think it meant anything. I just know that like the person who’s giving me these books—I’ve learned so much about them through it and I guess it’s weird for me to imagine Ryujin as the one giving them because, well, that would mean that I like her and that changes things.” 

Pausing in her spot and watching the three walk away, Hyunjin’s mind races to process what she just heard: So Heejin doesn’t like Ryujin like that but she could like Ryujin like that. She likes the person giving her the books. I am giving her the books. Heejin likes me. But she doesn’t know it’s me. So, she doesn’t really like me.

Leaning against the wall and resting her head on it because it’s not every day she’ll hear Heejin saying she likes her. (Amongst other things). 

Hyunjin’s mind is a jumbled mess and she doesn’t know what to focus on—doesn’t know whether she should be concerned if Heejin could think that the person leaving her books is Ryujin and that she could end up liking her, or rather, being elated that Heejin likes the person leaving her the books (the person being her, a fact that Hyunjin is constantly reminding herself of so that she doesn’t crumble into an unrecoverable mess of uncertainty).

Running to her first period before Miss Im marks her tardy, Hyunjin sends a text to Yeji on her way there.

kim hyunjin (basketball): when were you gonna tell me that you could break into lockers???

yeddeong: what?????

kim hyunjin (basketball): according to jiwoo, she saw you breaking into heejin’s locker to leave her books :]

yeddeong: jiwoo,,,,.no words. ...none… 

yeddeong: but did heejin like the book??

kim hyunjin (basketball): she smiled really big and i swear the sun lost its job :D

Slipping her phone into her backpack before Miss Im can scold her, Hyunjin exhales a heavy breath.

What was she going to do now?

~

Lunch rolls around soon enough and when she meets up with Hyejoo, Chaewon, and Yerim, she’s in the perfect spot to find Heejin sitting a couple tables over.

(It’s only the perfect spot because Heejin’s a creature of habit and Hyunjin made sure to secure a table. Definitely not to stare at her all through lunch because that’s creepy. But it was definitely to glance over and see Heejin’s pretty laugh when she’s with her friends).

Seeing her book sitting on top of the girl’s backpack, it makes Hyunjin smile to think that Heejin was carrying a small piece of her throughout her day. It’s trivial and mundane, but every book she gives is special to her—a piece of her heart lodged in each of the spines of the books. (And this one more especially since she allowed herself to write copious notes into it).

As if feeling Hyunjin’s gaze, Heejin’s eyes flicker towards her direction, a happy grin on her lips when she finds Hyunjin. Sending an awkward wave, her lips pull into a genuine smile when Heejin laughs (presumably at her) and her eyes squint into the crescent moon-eyed smile that Hyunjin has come to love. Interrupting their moment, Jiwoo nudges Heejin’s shoulder and nods her head towards the entrance of the cafeteria. Following their gaze, it’s Ryujin and Chaeryeong looking for the rest of their friends. When the two passes by, Heejin’s eyes trail after Ryujin.

They’re inquisitive and reflective, a certain softness in them. Hyunjin tries not to notice how Ryujin winks at her when she looks back or the blush dusting Heejin’s cheeks when Heejin shyly waves to her.

It doesn’t sit well with Hyunjin. The twisting of her stomach makes her feel ill and she has never felt so small. Because it’s her that’s written all over those books. It’s her heart that Heejin likes, not Ryujin’s. It’s her feelings she offers each and every time she lends a book and it’s her that anticipates Heejin’s reactions—her smile and confusion and sadness when she reads the novels—not Ryujin. 

Why does Ryujin get to be the one who gets Heejin’s attention when it’s been Hyunjin vying for it for the past three years?

If Hyunjin had Yeji beside her, she knows that the girl would only send her a deadpan glare and a ready response that she has had for her since their junior year after being fed up with her friend’s sad pining: “Hyunjin, your emotional constipation is frustrating to watch. Literally, all you have to do is tell her you have a crush on her. It’s not like you were even friends with her before; you won’t lose a friendship if you don’t even have one with her. How are you supposed to claim that you love her when you barely know anything about her?”

And yeah, that one kind of hurt.

But, Yeji was right. 

(Hyunjin, despite feeling so much, never felt comfortable verbalizing her emotions. It’s partly the reason why only Yeji knows about her crush and even then, she had the hardest time telling her about it, stumbling through her words and explaining all of the overwhelming things she felt. Adding that on top of her confidence and her speaking ability vanishing whenever Heejin is close, it was so much easier for Hyunjin to just admire her from a distance, staying far enough that she won’t get hurt but close enough that she could allow for her heart to yearn and fawn over the girl).

She has nothing to lose. Except for the fantasies that sneak up on her. The idea of Heejin was just too good to let go—to risk. 

For so long, Hyunjin has been nursing these ideas of love and projecting them onto Heejin because there is a truth that Hyunjin was unwilling to accept, until now, that is. 

She can’t possibly fall in love with someone she doesn’t know. 

And just barely is Hyunjin getting to know Heejin, not even at her own choice, but at the hand the universe has dealt her.

But, Hyunjin knows this. She could fall in love with Heejin.

And Heejin could fall in love with her too.

Yeji was right. 

It’s time for her to kick her ass into gear and do something.

~

Meeting up with Heejin at the tutoring building after school, it warms her heart to see Heejin’s nose buried in the book. She looks enthralled and completely lost in it, her eyes showing some kind of sympathy for the character in it. Quietly making her way to her and silently pulling out her chair, Heejin doesn’t even notice her. It isn’t until one of her peers calls her name does Heejin jump and pull her eyes from the book, her eyes following their finger that leads to Hyunjin, Heejin’s middle finger subconsciously pushing her glasses up into place.

With a cheeky smile, Hyunjin watches as Heejin dog ears the page she was on. (Normally, Hyunjin hates it when people dog ears books because it ruins the pages, but she'll make a special exception for Heejin). “Enjoying your book?”

Heejin’s cheeks are dusted a light pink, her eyes focusing on the poster behind Hyunjin. However, smiling when she looks back at the book, her voice is fond and light, “I really like it so far.”

Resting her cheek on her palm, Hyunjin asks, “So what’s it about?”

Heejin looks shocked, “You really wanna know?”

Hyunjin laughs a little at the surprise in her eyes, “I do. You seem to really like it and it makes me curious. Maybe I’ll read it one day.”

Heejin runs her hand over the cover of the book, as if she could directly scan information from it and send it to her mind, “From what I know, it’s about this non-binary character who struggles with their family and mental health and how an unexpected relationship kinda blows their plan to stay hidden in high school. It’s- I feel like I’m severely underselling it, but I think my heart broke multiple times today.”

Looking at how genuinely Heejin is interested in the book and loving how respects the character’s pronouns, something in Hyunjin’s heart stirs. Something more than just the usual nervous tick. It’s a feeling that moves her and sees Heejin in a different light.

Flipping through the book and seeing her annotations, Hyunjin feels like she’s playing a risky game, pretending that she doesn’t know whose book it is, “Are these your notes?”

Heejin visibly deflates and rests her face into her arms, her voice muffled as she hides into them, “That’s the thing, Hyun. I’ve been receiving books for the last three years and I have no idea who’s giving them to me. This is their book and this is the first time they’ve annotated like this. At first, I thought it was Jiwoo because she always got kinda suspicious when I asked her about them but then she got with Jungeun and I knew it couldn’t be either of them. And then Jiwoo told me that she saw Yeji sneaking a book into my locker which makes me think it’s Ryujin because that makes the most sense to me. But at the same time, I don’t know how Yeji could break into my locker? She doesn’t seem like the type to know how to? And, I don’t know—I just wanna know who it is because they’ve become pretty important to me throughout the years.”

All while Heejin is rambling, Hyunjin has the book in her lap and flipped open to the back of the last page. Sticking a cat memo on it, Hyunjin can feel her heart race behind her chest.

There’s a chance that Heejin won’t see her note, but Heejin seems like the kind of girl who would read a book cover to cover, page by page. Betting on that, Hyunjin quietly puts herself on the line when she nonchalantly puts the book back on the table, “Well, if you need any help uncovering your mystery admirer, I’ll be happy to lend a hand. I do happen to know most of our class!”

Heejin smiles gratefully before putting the book away in her bag and starting their tutoring session.

Before Hyunjin goes to bed, she makes sure to shoot a text off to Yeji.

kim hyunjin (basketball): no matter what yeddeong DO NOT give your number to heejin. make sure she never gets it until i say so.

yeddeong: uh????

yeddeong: you got it captain 

(Hyunjin has come to appreciate how Yeji will just follow Hyunjin’s lead without asking too many questions. It has saved her from explaining way too many of her schemes).

~

As two weeks pass, Hyunjin keeps an eye on Heejin’s progress with the book while taking her usual glance over during lunch—waiting for Heejin to finish the book is nerve wracking. Knowing that the girl likes to take her time with the books she is given, to properly mull them over and appreciate them, it’s like waiting for some kind of ticking time bomb. Stealing Hyunjin’s attention away from Heejin, Yeji slides in front of her.

“Chaeryeong and Chaeyeon’s parents are out of town for the weekend and they’re throwing a party on Saturday to celebrate the start of winter break.” Yeji’s lips curl into a smirk, her eyes mischievous, “You know what that means, Hyun!”

Hyunjin sighs. If it’s Chaeryeong and Chaeyeon throwing a party, Hyunjin knows that she has to cram in the essay she was planning to do on Sunday and do it on Friday after basketball practice instead because there is no way she’s writing a passing grade six-page essay hungover and exhausted. 

“Yeah, I know. Let’s just hope Coach doesn’t schedule a surprise conditioning on Sunday then.”

Yeji shivers at the idea and knocks on the table for luck, “Invite your friends! Invite You Know Who! Apparently Chaeyeon got her hands on more alcohol so there’s gonna be more than enough to spare.”

Hyunjin visibly balks. More? As if four kegs weren’t enough already? As Yeji walks away, a salute as her farewell, Hyunjin shouts after her, “Will do! See you at practice, Yeddeong!”

(The craziest things always seemed to happen during the sisters’ parties. There have been broken windows, vomit in planters, way too many hook-ups and horny guys who think they’re hot shit, and Hyunjin swears that someone brought their pet snake to a party once—it’s safe to say that the sisters never allowed them back).

As lunch goes on, the one thing worthwhile keeping her thoughts from running back to Heejin was the AP Calculus test Miss Ahn had scheduled for today. For the past week, Hyunjin has been reviewing the past couple of chapters with Heejin faithfully. Her brain is full of definitions and concepts, systems, ranks, determinants, and everything else in between. 

Hyunjin wants to pass more than anything—needs to pass if she wants to keep her starting position on the basketball team. And she couldn’t let Heejin down, not after all the time she spent explaining and reexplaining the lessons to make it easier for Hyunjin to understand. Hyunjin doesn’t know if she’d be able to face Heejin again if she fails.

(But knowing Heejin, she’d probably comfort her and be the least bit bothered if Hyunjin did end up failing).

Flipping through her calculus notebook to review more, a shadow deprives her of the light she needs to see. Looking up, it’s Heejin with a pastry in her hand. Putting it down in front of Hyunjin, the girl is bright and smiling.

“Good luck on your test today, Hyun! No matter what happens, I’ll be proud of what you get!”

Hyunjin subconsciously pouts, the weight of the test burdening her shoulders, “Even if I fail?”

Heejin drops to the seat next to Hyunjin and lightly tickles her stomach in hopes of bringing a smile back to her face. (It works).

“Don’t think like that! Just work your hardest and do your best and whatever happens, happens. We’ll just do better for your next test if things don’t turn out well!”

Hyunjin leans her head on Heejin’s shoulder, touched that Heejin would still be willing to stick with her even if she fails, “I don’t deserve you, Heejin. You’re too good for me.”

Heejin just giggles before dismissing the compliment, “I believe in you! I just have this feeling in my guts that things will be okay.”

Trusting Heejin because she makes it so easy to, Hyunjin notices the book in Heejin’s other hand.

“Anything new and interesting in your book?”

Heejin breathes out a laugh and Hyunjin feels how it makes her shoulders bounce, “I’m not telling you anything. If you end up reading it, I want you to experience it the right way.”

Laughing at how stern Heejin sounds, Hyunjin takes her head off Heejin’s shoulders and changes the topic of the conversation, “Yeji told me that Chaeryeong and Chaeyeon are throwing a party Saturday. It’s an open invitation for anyone but I’d really liked it if you’d come? You don’t have to drink or anything and no one really cares because everyone does their own thing, but it’d be cool to see you there.”

Heejin smiles at the shy uncertainty in Hyunjin’s eyes, finding her nervousness charming, “How about this, Hyun? You pass, I’ll go. If you don’t, I’ll think about it.”

Unable to stop the grin that grows, Hyunjin is even more motivated to pass, the idea of spending an evening letting loose with Heejin being the greatest thing she’s heard of since sliced bread.

When the bell rings for the fifth period class, Hyunjin is sent off with wishes of good luck and the flakey, wonderful pastry Heejin bought for her.

Sitting down and taking her time with the test, for the first time in years, Hyunjin is confident that she’ll pass with flying colors when she turns it in. After finishing her essay and icing her calves before falling asleep, Hyunjin checks the gradebook. A proud ninety-two percent is the only thing Hyunjin sees.

hyunjin (* ^ ω ^): HEEEEEJINNNNNN!!!!! I PAASSSSSSEEEDDDDD WITH A 90 FUCKING 2 PERCENT!!!!!!!!!!!

heejin ✨ : I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!!!!! IM SOOOOO PROUD OF YOU, HYUN o( ≧∇≦ o)

The next day when Hyunjin comes to school, Heejin is already waiting by her locker with something that suspiciously looks like Tour Les Jours' condensed milk cream baguettes. Before Hyunjin can even walk up to her, Heejin is bounding towards her with the brightest smile Hyunjin has ever seen and swallowing her in the warmest hug before giving her the bread, the pride in Heejin’s voice giving Hyunjin a rush of elation, “A reward for your hard work!”

(With how Heejin is beaming at her with proud eyes and caressing her hair, Hyunjin feels a different kind of affection for Heejin. It’s real and Hyunjin knows that this is what falling in love feels like. It’s so much more than she could ever imagine. More sweetness, more admiration, more than just fascinated hyperfixation. It’s real).

~

Saturday comes quickly and Chaeryeong is kind enough to extend an invitation for their large circle of friends to sleepover if they need to. Choosing to be responsible, Hyunjin already has a sleeping bag prepared to crash in. Heejin, on the other hand, only plans to stay for a while, uncomfortable with drinking in a house full of more strangers than people she knows.

As the hours of the night unfold, Hyunjin doesn’t really leave Heejin’s side unless she’s leaving to get more alcohol or food, content to spend the majority of her time talking with her. (It’s a great difference compared to the night of Jisu’s set. Throughout the night, Hyunjin feels as if she is the epicenter of Heejin’s attention. Something about Heejin being beside her and focusing on her makes her feel special). 

Even then, whenever Hyunjin leaves to conversate with some of her other friends or teammates, Heejin has Hyejoo, Chaewon, and Yerim and Jiwoo and Jungeun to keep her company—Yeji, Jisu, Ryujin, Chaeryeong, and Yuna too, even if Yeji comes back and forth between beer pong matches or tagging along with Hyunjin. 

Soon enough, Hyunjin has drunk enough for her to feel relaxed and loose. Definitely less guarded and cautious, Hyunjin hopes that Drunk Hyunjin doesn’t make a mistake and embarrass Sober Hyunjin in the future—especially with Heejin being there.

So far, there have been six attempts of keg stands, roughly around ten party fouls of spilled alcohol, and two rounds of King’s Cup, but it’s not as chaotic as the past parties Hyunjin has been to. It’s peaceful, somewhat, with her friends and Yeji’s gathering comfortably on the couches in the living room. It’s separated enough that the crazy stays in one place and the calm stays in the other.

After spending a good thirty minutes with her teammates outside where most of the mess was being made and playing a round (or four) of Flip Cup, Hyunjin is significantly more drunk when she returns with her arms dangled around Yeji’s waist, her friend’s arm slung over her shoulders, a confident but happy smirk on their lips.

When Yeji’s eyes disappear into crescents as she beams at Jisu, proud of her victory over Jeon Somi (because holy shit, it’s Jeon Somi, a notorious partier and champion of drinking games), her girlfriend hands her a water bottle and a slice of pizza before pressing a kiss to her lips. 

Watching Hyunjin swaying towards her, Heejin can’t help but to smile at the lazy grin on her lips.

“Wanna- uh- help me up the- the stairs? I wanna wind down and it’s- it’s too loud down here.”

Taking the hand that Hyunjin has offered after getting a bottle of water for Hyunjin to drink later, Heejin has to wrap an arm around Hyunjin’s waist and sling the other over her shoulders to properly guide her up the stairs.

Finally, in the silence and tranquility of Chaeryeong’s room, Hyunjin seems to drop an invisible pretense—like she doesn’t feel the need to be at her most extroverted self and can return to the happy introvert that she is whenever she’s alone with Heejin.

With the large amount of alcohol she consumed fairly quickly impairing her, Hyunjin can’t really focus and she absentmindedly gulps the water that Heejin handed her once settling down.

She barely has the attention to catch onto what Heejin says.

“I have a confession to make.”

Hyunjin slurs a little, her glazed eyes slowly focusing on Heejin, “I’m- I’m listening, Heej.”

Heejin smiles at the girl’s whole-hearted attempt, her body swaying significantly less as she tries to blink her eyes open so that they’re not as half-lidded. 

“I finished the book today. The person who lent it to me left a note with a number attached. They finally want to reveal themselves. They confessed their feelings to me on a cat memo and I'm supposed to meet them and tell them if there is a chance that I could return their feelings. I’ve been waiting and imagining this moment since freshman year but-”

Heejin pauses, wondering if she really is about to confess this to Hyunjin. (It helps tremendously that she is very clearly inebriated and staring at her with her wide innocent eyes).

“I don’t know if I want to meet them anymore.”

Hyunjin sways in the spot she’s in, too drunk to comprehend and process the sadness swirling in her heart.

“Why-”

“I thought I liked them for the past few years but then I met you and you came crashing into my feelings like fucking waves. I don’t- I don’t know if I want to meet them if you’re standing right in front of me.”

It’s an overwhelming rush of emotion when Hyunjin slowly pieces her words together because for so long, she has liked the girl in front of her. Almost surreal and wondering if she might have hallucinated this exact moment, Hyunjin has to pinch her arms to check if she’s dreaming. (She’s not). Hyunjin grins a gloriously elated smile and moves closer and rests a hand Heejin’s hips, high enough that it doesn’t make her uncomfortable.

Having trouble untangling all the words jumbled together and running around her mind coherently, Hyunjin has to take a moment before speaking, “Then don’t- don’t meet them. Because I- I really, really like- like you, Heejin. Ever since I first saw you.” Kissing her cheek, aiming for the mole on it, Hyunjin hopes it’s not sloppy, chortles at how the frames of Heejin’s glasses push into her cheeks.

Heejin giggles and feels her heart’s relief at how loudly she can hear Hyunjin’s affection for her and wraps Hyunjin’s arms around her tighter, “You missed.”

Hyunjin frowns and thinks, “I rarely miss. My shooting average is like a solid eighty-seven percent.”

Without needing to see Hyunjin, Heejin can feel the pout of her lips on her cheeks, a faint wounded whine tinting her voice, “I missed?”

Heejin laughs and smooths out her furrowed eyebrows, “If you were aiming for my lips, you missed.”

Hyunjin only buries her head in Heejin’s neck—she smells a little bit like alcohol but there is still the vanilla and shea butter scent that Hyunjin loves. “I didn’t- didn’t miss. I’m not- I’m not wasting my first kiss with you drunk off my ass, Heej.”

(Being around Hyunjin is easy. She’s laid-back and warm and funny, the complete opposite of what Heejin first thought of her to be. Just as odd and a mystery as she is sweet and caring, hardworking and earnest in everything she does, she is much more than her reputation—more than a suave confident girl, a mischievous troublemaker, and a star basketball player.

She’s also so much more sensitive and sentimental than Heejin would ever think. Seeing this softer side of Hyunjin—vulnerable and almost innocent—Heejin feels a pleasant warmth ripple from the cavity at which her heart beats).

Holding Hyunjin closer to her when she stumbles and sways more, Heejin likes the sound of Hyunjin’s giggle when it rings through the air.

“You know, I thought you hated me when we first met during your detention.”

Hyunjin frowns again, “Hated you? Why?”

Heejin just shrugs and caresses the girl’s hair, “I don’t know. It seemed like you didn’t want to talk to me. You barely looked at me.”

Looking back, Heejin finds it hard to believe that she ever disliked Hyunjin, what with how much she likes her now, “It kind of- made me…not like you until I started tutoring you and spending more time with you. I thought you were arrogant and lazy and had some kind of superiority complex because you were so cold with me-”

Hyunjin drawls with a dragging slur, saddened at the thought of Heejin not liking her, “It was- it was so hard for me to- to talk to you. My crush on you was m-massive and I always got so nervous around you that I’d just forget how to- to function around you.”

Leaning against the wall to better support Hyunjin’s weight, the chaos of the party raging outside of the room is a muffled sound. “It’s hard for me to imagine that you had a crush on me. I mean, not to be cliché, but, you’re one of the most popular girls and I’m just me. Why would you like me? When did you even notice me? I thought you didn’t even know I existed until this year.”

Met with silence, Heejin only then notices that Hyunjin has peacefully fallen asleep, tucked into the crook of Heejin’s neck.

(How she could fall asleep standing up is a wonder and Heejin is left to struggle with laying her down on the makeshift bed Hyunjin had made in Chaeryeong’s room before the party kicked off).

Watching over her and making sure that she remains on her side while she sleeps, Heejin doesn’t know if she wants Hyunjin to remember this night or not. Because while she is relieved that Hyunjin returns her feelings, a large part of her can’t help but to think of the person behind the cat memo.

She wants to meet them still—to close the last page of this book. It’d be unfair to start something with Hyunjin if she still holds onto the strands of her secret admirer. Whether or not it's Ryujin, Heejin needs the closure to move on because she is finding it hard to let go of her own fantasies. She has imagined different faces belonging to the owner—sometimes a boy, usually a girl. She has wished for the moment that she’d meet them and just hold them because they’ve been a silent comfort for her in her hardest times. Heejin has pictured herself falling in love with this person—date nights, firsts, and sweet domesticity.

But then, there’s Hyunjin. Cheerful, affable, warmhearted Hyunjin sleeping right in her arms, clutching onto her like a safety blanket.

She’s real and tangible, bravely bearing her heart for Heejin to see without needing to hide from her.

It should be a no-brainer.

But, God, why can’t Heejin stop thinking about her secret admirer?

~

The next morning when Hyunjin is nursing her hangover and eating toast with soup, Heejin is sitting in front of her with her chin in her hands, wondering if anything has changed.

Feeling Heejin’s unabashed stare, Hyunjin is surprised when Heejin’s stare doesn’t waver. Instead, her gaze stays, an addition of a warm smile charming her lips.

(It’s a sight that makes Hyunjin’s heart explode because Heejin is right in front of her with tousled wavy hair, her circle wire framed glasses and precious eye-smile, looking at her as if she is the reason why the sun rose). 

Feeling shy under her stare, the corners of her lips are at an uncontrollable upturn and her cheeks warm the slightest bit, “What?”

Heejin just shakes her head dismissively, “Nothing. You just- you’re cute when you’re drunk.”

Hyunjin groans and soothes the pounding against her forehead, “Did I fall asleep like a baby in your arms?”

Heejin laughs, runs a hand through Hyunjin’s hair in vain effort to ease her headache. (Hyunjin loves it either way). Her voice is fond and soft, absolutely spellbound, “You did.”

Hyunjin smiles, one that seems to have been meant for herself. It’s small and relieved, but content. When Hyunjin gets out of her seat to clear her dishes after she finishes her breakfast, she leans down to kiss Heejin’s cheek, for sure kissing the mole that’s there now that she’s sober and unimpaired.

Mumbling but close enough for Heejin to make out what she said, her cheeks burn a scarlet red when she realizes that Hyunjin hasn’t forgotten about their last conversation, that they stand at the foot of change, “I didn’t miss that time either, Heej.”

Almost like nothing has changed but definitely feeling like something has, Heejin kisses Hyunjin’s cheek when she walks her to her car, hands stuffed in her pocket. It makes her heart race and Hyunjin feels a bit woozy with Heejin being so close to her. Whatever they are now, it’s not what they were before and it’s new and exciting and it’s better than anything Hyunjin has ever imagined before because Heejin’s lips are so soft, her smile so tender and sweet, the hand under her chin when she kissed her cheek warm and gentle.

yeddeong: so…..did i miss something last night or??

kim hyunjin (basketball): heejin likes me

kim hyunjin (basketball): and i told her that i liked her back

kim hyunjin (basketball): im so happy :D

yeddeong: and to think i thought you made the first move... smh

yeddeong : but im happy for you hyun ☺

~.~.~

The Saturday after Christmas, Hyunjin is swamped with a holiday basketball tournament.

(It’s honestly ass that her coach never fails to schedule tournaments during their breaks but it’s not like Hyunjin wasn’t going to play. If not for her position on the court, her team depends on her as their captain and she couldn’t let them down).

It’s the first time Heejin will see Hyunjin play. (Since it’s only an away tournament, the turnout is relatively small but Heejin is relieved to see Jisu watching on the stands). Usually, Hyunjin is never nervous for games and if she is, she’s usually able to shake off the feeling by the time warm-ups are over. But, with Heejin in the stands watching her, Hyunjin feels this nostalgic pressure to impress and do well despite being halfway through the second quarter. (Not that Hyunjin doesn’t usually feel pressure to do well and impress. It’s just, she’s usually doing it to stand out for the scouts to see and to avoid her coach’s scathing lectures, not to impress the possible love of her life).

Even with her team being a little sluggish coming off from holiday relaxation, their opponents struggle to keep up with them and by the fourth quarter, there is a comfortable padding between their scores. Admittedly, Hyunjin isn’t performing at her absolute best, a gear she doesn’t kick into unless she needs to, but it’s still more than enough to impress the girl watching her.

Hyunjin’s focus on the court is sharp and fine-tuned, her gaze deadly when sizing up the other guard. Despite her comfort and finesse with dribbling, she only does what is enough to get herself free from her defender and passes it off to her post who can roll away from theirs. Yeji and Hyunjin’s chemistry on the court is tangible, playing well off each other’s pick and rolls, quickly reading signs to break plays for a quick jump shot or spontaneous pick and pop.

Heejin has heard numerous times about how good Hyunjin was at her sport, but she never expected her to be that good. Even when she is being commended for her performance after the game ends, her smile is humble as she gives her thanks, more than willing to share the praise with her teammates. Heejin gets why so many people in her school have come to view Hyunjin with a golden halo. (Heejin already had in her own way, but, seeing Hyunjin in her element like that made her shine in an incomparable way).

After disappearing for a bit to unwind with their team and get their gear off while their coach talks to them, it’s a euphoric feeling when Hyunjin pulls off her knee pads and ankle braces. Fashionably walking up to Heejin and Jisu in socks and slides, Hyunjin and Yeji are sharing a diluted Gatorade between them and discussing their highlights in their past game. When Yeji puckers her lips for a kiss and Jisu feigns disgust before happily complying, there’s an awkward moment of shyness radiating between the other two. Nonetheless, when the couple walk ahead of them as they leave the gym, Heejin quickly tugs Hyunjin closer and kisses her by the corner of her lips before looking away in nervousness, her fingers curling tightly around Hyunjin’s waist.

(Hyunjin thinks that the feeling of Heejin kissing her easily beats the euphoria of relieving herself of sweaty, nasty gear. It’s a rush of adrenaline, an exhilarating feeling that stays, the sensation of Heejin’s lips lingering like a ghost on her skin).

~

yeddeong: somi’s throwing a nye party and as much as i look forward to getting sloppy drunk with my girl and making out with her when 2021 hits, i am Not excited to deal with the consequences of my bad decisions 🥴🥴

Jeon Somi knows just about everyone. Despite transferring schools, she keeps in touch with her old friends while making many new ones—Hyunjin wouldn’t be surprised if she sees students from other districts at her party. Even if she didn’t really hang out with Somi, she saw her everywhere whether it be at football games, track meets, volleyball tournaments, basketball scrimmages, and even swim competitions cheering friends on with passionate vigor. 

Turning up to Somi’s party with Heejin’s hand in hers, Hyunjin hears the party before she sees it. When the girl opens the door to them and hugs the both of them (even if she’s never met Heejin), Hyunjin isn’t the least bit surprised to see the host’s large house crowded and busy by the sheer amount of people in it, dancing or playing games.

Shouting over the music and pointing Hyunjin and Heejin to her kitchen where cups, alcohol, and food are at, Hyunjin knows that the girl has already had her fair share of shots when she has to put a hand on Hyunjin's shoulder to steady herself, “Yeji and the rest of your friends are by the karaoke system! You’re welcome to whatever’s here and crashing if you need to!”

Heejin feels so out of her element, surveying the sight in front of her with disbelief, and as if Hyunjin can feel her discomfort, she pulls Heejin closer to her chest as they navigate their way through the dancing bodies. (Unlike Chaeryeong and Chaeyeon’s party, the chaos is everywhere. On the pool table, Heejin catches a glimpse of someone doing a body shot (and hears the cheering too). Across the room, there is definitely some heavy petting going on between the two backed up into the corner. The floor is sticky and there is so much fucking screaming on top of the blasting music that Heejin feels like soundproof walls couldn’t even keep this party in. Walking in further with Hyunjin’s hands on her waist, they catch sight of Yeji’s silver hair. Watching out for the people around them, Hyunjin is doing her best to take the brunt of the shoulders pushing against her and keeping Heejin away from it.

Finally reaching their friends, it feels a little less stuffy when they’re in the comfort of the people they know. The least populated area in the house and surprisingly not sticky at all, anyone who has been to Somi’s parties knows that the karaoke system is an important piece of equipment to her. (When a football player accidentally threw the 8 Ball at the machine once, Somi had shut the music off and turned the lights on before angrily threatening to castrate him should her machine be broken. Safe to say, everyone has the sense of mind to keep that space clear of disaster no matter how wasted—an angry Somi is not to be fucked with).  

Looking at Yeji and how she happily curls into Jisu with a lazy grin, Hyunjin knows that she is sticking true to her plans. When Yeji eagerly hands her a shot, she is thrumming with excitement, “Catch up, Hyun! You got four more after this!”

Unwilling to break the girl’s spirit (and heart) by refusing the shot, Hyunjin takes it after clinking her glass with her friend’s. However, wanting to stay sober for the night, she shakes her head and tries to ignore the pout that makes its way to Yeji’s lips, “Sorry Yeddeong, but no catch up for me; I don’t wanna trash my liver tonight.”

Yeji teasingly boos her before Chaeryeong and Ryujin agree to split up the shots Yeji had lined for Hyunjin, the two significantly less drunk than the silver-haired girl.

With Jisu scooting closer to Yeji so that there’s more space on the couch, Hyunjin sits down first before pulling Heejin into her lap. Talking loud enough for Heejin to hear, Hyunjin’s voice is a pocket of comfort for her in all the chaos around her, “If it gets too much and you need some air, let me know!”

Heejin nods and laces her fingers through the ones wrapped around her. 

It doesn’t take long for Yeji to get restless and pull Jisu into the mess of people dancing and despite the couch opening up for more space, Heejin doesn’t feel inclined to leave her spot. Being so close to Hyunjin gives her comfort—safety—but being considerate of her and asking if she’s getting too heavy, Hyunjin just shakes her head no, content grin and eye smile telling Heejin that the girl doesn’t mind the least bit. (In fact, Hyunjin might have liked holding Heejin more than Heejin liked being held).

When Yeji returns like a dejected puppy after a couple of minutes, Hyunjin can’t help but to laugh as she whines, “Jiwoo took Jisu away from me to sing karaoke.”

Looking at the shot glasses on the table, she brightens immediately before peeling Hyunjin’s arm away from Heejin, “Help me refill these and bring them back! Our hands can definitely carry at least eight shots combined!”

When Heejin laughs and gets off her lap, Hyunjin can’t find it in herself to be bothered because Yeji is beaming that big ass smile that makes her eyes disappear into happy crescents, “Fine, Drunkie, let’s go.” (Yeji then proceeds to hang herself on Hyunjin as they walk, her arms swallowing her into an embrace).

The kitchen is the one of the few places that is well lit and it’s the first time that Hyunjin gets a good look at Yeji.

“You’ve a kiss mark on your cheek.”

Yeji only smiles in bliss before pouring more shots and preparing a cup for chasers, “Jisu must’ve forgotten that she’s not wearing a lip stain tonight and kissed me. It’s okay!”

There has always been this youthful innocence to Yeji that Hyunjin wants to protect. Usually, it shows in how playful she is, but, when she is drunk like this, it’s as if the burden she carries on her shoulders disappears while she allows herself the freedom to surrender her responsibilities and maturity.

“C’mon Yeddeong, be careful to not spill anything.”

Yeji begins to salute until she realizes her hands are full and settles on standing stick straight and firmly nodding, “Yes, Captain!”

(And to think that this is the girl who could intimidate post players well above her height and weight. She really is just a soft teddy bear).

Walking back to their spot, there is a Heejin shaped absence Hyunjin noticed from across the room. Putting the drinks down and making sure that Yeji settles securely back into Jisu, Hyunjin has to shout over Somi singing some trot song in the background.

“Where’s Heejin?”

Jisu shrugs and only provides, “She left with Ryujin and Chaeryeong a couple minutes ago. Something about needing air?”

Looking around the party in hopes of finding Ryujin’s colorful bomber jacket, it’s a lost cause. Feeling panic bubbling in her stomach, Hyunjin tries to remain calm. Leaving their area, Hyunjin searches around the room for them without any luck. Quickly losing her composure, Hyunjin is at full defense when someone grasps her arm until she is met with Ryujin.

Shouting over the music, Ryujin points to the back, “Chae is with Heejin in the backyard. When you see her, can you tell her to meet me in the kitchen? Yuna wants pizza and knowing Jisu, she’s going to want some too and I’ll need the help.” Nodding her head in reply, the stress leaves Hyunjin’s body when she goes outside to find the two happily talking together. 

Being mindful to make enough noise that the girls will turn to her direction instead of her startling them, Hyunjin notices how Heejin hugs the flannel around her tighter. When Chaeryeong leaves for the kitchen, Hyunjin is tugging off her jacket and laying it across Heejin’s shoulders. Despite Heejin slipping her arms through her jacket and snuggling into it, she frowns the slightest bit, “Won’t you get cold?”

Wrapping Heejin’s arms around her and giving into the urge to nuzzle closer, Hyunjin’s answer is simple, “Nope!”

When Heejin shyly hides her face on Hyunjin’s back, the laugh that spills from Hyunjin’s lips is happy and relaxed. Relishing in the silence of being left alone and the peace of being away from the chaos inside, there is a blanket of safety and comfort keeping them warm. 

“Thank you for coming, Heekkie. I know this whole scene is out of your element and it’s a lot to take in.”

Heejin only holds her tighter and dares to press a ghost of a kiss on Hyunjin’s neck.

(Hyunjin hopes she doesn’t feel how her pulse triples at the feeling). 

“I wanted to be here with you tonight. I like hanging out with Yeji and her friends and I like being anywhere with you even if things do get kinda overwhelming.”

While Hyunjin blushes, there’s something purposeful about the way Heejin sounds—like she really, truly means it. It makes Hyunjin want to hold her close and never let go, to cherish her for as long as Heejin will have her.

Hearing the beginning of the countdown from the people inside, Hyunjin can’t help but to admire the moon, expecting Heejin to be unfazed by the counting.

10, 9, 8

“The moon looks beautiful tonight, doesn’t it?”

7, 6, 5

“Heejin?”

4, 3, 2

The next thing Hyunjin knows, Heejin is turning her chin towards her and pressing a tentative kiss on her lips.

Even with the party raging on, louder than ever, it’s as if it ceases to exist, as if the only one that matters to Hyunjin is Heejin and how she is holding her. All that matters is how Heejin smiles against the kiss and how she can feel the upturn of her lips against her own. Heejin’s lips are so soft. The hands cradling her cheeks are gentle. And Heejin is so beautiful when she rests her forehead against Hyunjin’s and softly laughs to herself, her eyes still closed. When Heejin kisses her again, longer this time and more confident when she presses her body closer to her, Hyunjin thinks that time might have stopped. If it weren’t for the thundering beat of her heart slamming against her ribs and how weak her knees feel, she would fully believe that the universe stopped its movement just for them. 

If Heaven ever existed, Hyunjin knows that this is it. The only other thing Hyunjin knows is Heejin, Heejin, Heejin—how she smells like vanilla and shea butter, tastes like strawberries, sounds like a melody that Apollo himself created, how Heejin feels like the whole fucking world in Hyunjin’s arms.

Hyunjin knows what this feeling is, how it creeps and yearns to be nurtured. It’s love. It couldn’t be anything else. Not when Heejin makes her heart feel just as calm as it does frantic, not when being with Heejin makes her feel like free falling off of cliffs but also secure enough to know that she’ll be caught before she comes close to hitting the ground.

Hyunjin is in love and swears that falling in love with Heejin is all that she ever wants to do.

~.~.~

When school comes back in full swing, Hyunjin finds herself in the comfort of her house, her brain feeling heavy and full of math she doesn’t understand and gradually sleepier and sleepier with the peaceful sound of rain falling outside. 

(The first time they had another tutoring session at school after coming back from break was pure torture. The math sucked, Hyunjin was grasping the concepts much slower than she liked, and all she wanted to do was forget about calculus and pull Heejin close so that she could just kiss her over and over again. With some negotiating after Hyunjin’s disclosure of her waning motivation for learning in exchange for her growing desire for kisses, Heejin—ever the genius she is—thinks to reward comprehension with kisses and it’s enough to get Hyunjin back and fully focused).

So far, they’ve gone through a chapter and Hyunjin has successfully gotten Heejin to give her four more kisses than deserved, but really, Heejin stands no chance when Hyunjin looks at her with those lovestruck eyes and gentle gaze.

It’s really hard to focus, harder than before, because all she can look at when Heejin talks are her lips and think about how soft they are until Heejin has to snap her out of it. Promising to do better after the third time, a tinge of frustration in Heejin’s eyes, Hyunjin makes sure to focus and understand the lesson.

The sound of the rain only grows in tempo and strength and Hyunjin doesn’t think much of it until thunder roars and lightning crashes. Fighting through the urge to get out of her seat and cozy up in her bed to admire how the sky looks when lightning flashes across it, Hyunjin only notices how Heejin jumps by the third round of thunder and lightning. Looking up from her work, Heejin is visibly stressed, her bottom lip being worried by her teeth, her fingers tangling together. When thunder crashes again, Heejin shakes and startles and curls into herself. 

Abandoning her work, and Heejin’s rule of no touching after Hyunjin blew it the fourth time by sneaking a kiss on her cheek, it’s automatic when she widens her arms for Heejin to cuddle into. Even with Hyunjin holding her, Heejin still shivers in her arms and Hyunjin remembers what got her to be less afraid of thunder and lightning. Easily carrying Heejin to her living room and settling her on the couch, Hyunjin is pressing a kiss to the temple of Heejin’s forehead, “I’ll be right back, baby.”

Before Heejin can refute, Hyunjin is bulleting off to her room and coming back with her blanket and copious pillows. Quickly working around Heejin and building a fort out of her couch and other blankets and pillows, Hyunjin is sure to press a kiss to Heejin’s lips every time thunder crashes.

It’s hectic and distractive enough that Heejin is paying less attention to the frantic beating of her heart and every time Hyunjin kisses her, it makes her giggle at how Hyunjin tries to be everywhere at once to comfort her. After making the fort, Hyunjin is quick to bring her laptop with her while she waits for the water in her kettle to warm. When the sound of thunder roars even louder, Hyunjin is sliding back with her sock-clad feet and playfully nibbling at Heejin’s cheeks with her lips. It’s enough to get Heejin to laugh genuinely even if she pushes her away with weak hands. While making hot chocolate, the only time Hyunjin doesn’t come back to smother Heejin with affection is when she is cautiously carrying the two cups into the fort, a little out of breath from hurrying around.

Cozying up beside Heejin and wrapping her arms around her waist, kissing her when thunder crashes again, Hyunjin pulls her closer, “When I was younger, I used to hide under my bed and cover my ears when we had storms like this.”

When Heejin looks up at her, her body melding to Hyunjin’s when they cuddle, Hyunjin has this fond look in her eyes.

“My mom would have to coax me out with sweets and she’d have hot chocolate ready for me. She’d distract me by making pillow forts with me and turning on my favorite movies. It took a while, but eventually, I had enough memories to remind me that storms like these meant hot chocolate, pillow forts, movies, and cuddling with the person who made me feel safest.”

Feeling extremely touched that Hyunjin would do all this for her, Heejin props herself on her elbows—she doesn’t flinch when thunder crashes—and gently caresses a finger along Hyunjin’s face, feeling the soft curve of her nose, the sharpness of her jawline, the arch of her eyebrows and her pillowy cheeks. This time, parting her lips and gently slotting them between Hyunjin’s, it’s a soft kiss, a flutter of something bigger than them both.

It’s love. Heejin knows it’s love because she has never felt so safe, cared for, and treasured.

Even if Hyunjin hasn’t said it yet, Heejin knows it’s there.

~

The next time Hyunjin has a game, it’s on a Friday. Before leaving to get ready for it, Heejin is pulling her in for a kiss (not to be mistaken for good luck because Heejin believes Hyunjin doesn’t need to rely on luck to do well—it’s her practice that gets her there). 

(It feels like happiness living inside her when Hyunjin beams at her, a flurry of hearts when she drapes her varsity jacket over Heejin's shoulder).

When the game starts, Heejin is surprised by the amount of people stuffed into the gym and cheering. It’s a close game but it closes out with Yeji sinking a three-pointer and sealing the game shut with a win. Settling for a quick kiss when Hyunjin walks up to her, long-sleeve warm up replacing her dirty jersey, Heejin is more than just a little bit disappointed that she can’t pull Hyunjin away to push her up against a wall and give her a proper kiss—one that’ll make her lips swell just the slightest bit—without the risk of getting caught.

(It’s just, there’s something so attractive about Hyunjin directing her team on the court and being aggressively, but legally, competitive when pressuring the other team’s guard to fumble the ball).

After the boy’s game ends, the group agrees to meet at a local restaurant to celebrate their victory and revel in the beginning of the weekend.

Settling into their table after being quickly seated, the restaurant expecting the rush of after-game patrons, Hyunjin is eager to order.

“May I get an Oreo shake and two straws with it, please?”

Expecting Hyunjin to be sharing the milkshake with her when the waitress arrives with their drinks, Jisu only leans back into the seat with an amused look in her eyes. “I promise you, Heejin, it’s not what you think. Just sit back and watch.” When all the drinks are sorted, an Oreo shake sits between her and Hyunjin, a chocolate one between Yeji and Jisu.

Before Heejin can blink, Hyunjin and Yeji are grabbing the straws and quickly tearing the wrapper off. Waiting for Ryujin’s go, the pair hover their straws in the air and immediately plummet them into their shakes when Ryujin starts the race. Despite Yeji having Jisu, Chaeryeong, and Yuna cheering her on (Ryujin being forced to remain as a third-party watcher), Hyunjin is zoned in and greedily guzzling up her shake.

Rapidly gulping down their drinks with an unmatched competitive vigor, Heejin is equally amused as she is confused watching them. When Yeji has to take a breath of air before continuing again, Jisu begins making more effort in cheering her on and motivating her girlfriend.

In a matter of seconds, the sound of straws sucking in air and Hyunjin slapping the table ends the race. (Yeji follows just a couple seconds later). Falling back into her seat and cradling her head and whining about brain freeze, Heejin can only stare in awe.

Laughing at the look in Heejin’s eyes, Jisu gestures towards the pair painfully dealing with a frosty freeze, “It’s a tradition for these two to have a milkshake drinking race whenever we win. It wasn’t until Yuna came along and wondered why they didn’t use multiple straws did they start using two.”

Turning back to Hyunjin, the girl is smirking and oddly cocky, “Aren’t you proud of me, babe?”

Heejin feels a little flustered to be called that in front of their friends but she plays it off well enough.

And in more ways than one, she is, so Heejin just smiles, reaches for Hyunjin's hands resting on the table, and kisses the back of them (which are still cold from how tightly she was grasping her drink) and means it when she says, “Of course, I am, Hyun.”

Hyunjin can’t help how she blushes pink at the earnestness in Heejin’s eyes and hides into her hands when Yeji teases her for it.

Before the night ends, Hyunjin looks at herself in the mirror and runs a finger across the darkening mark Heejin left on her neck before disappearing behind the wooden door of her house after being dropped off.

(As it goes, Heejin was more than willing to show Hyunjin just how proud of her she was once they were in the luxury of being alone, relished in the rapid feeling of Hyunjin's pulse underneath her tongue when she pressed kisses against the column of her neck and how the hand Hyunjin had on her waist held her tighter).

~

Bright and early in the morning, Hyunjin has to dodge Yeji’s flying shoe before their session of shooting at the park by Hyunjin’s house.

“What do you mean you haven’t asked Heejin to be your girlfriend yet? How many dates have you been on? I swear I’ve walked in on you two kissing more than you’ve walked in on me and Jisu!”

Hyunjin can only sheepishly look at Yeji’s disappointed glare, “I’ve been meaning to, I just, forget? Heejin kinda turns my brain into mush and makes me feel stars and sparkles in my chest and I get really really overwhelmed.”

Yeji is exasperated and lost for words when she looks back at her, “I can tell, you fucking clown. Make it official already!”

~.~.~

[Unidentified Number]: hi! it’s me. heejin. uh you told me to text you this link when i wanted to meet you?

[Unidentified Number]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RD_WjKf2DRQ

_______________

yeddeong: wanna tell me why heejin just texted me a link of isabelle singing bubblegum kk and saying that she wants to meet me

kim hyunjin (basketball): not yet. just tell her to meet up at the park by our school on friday at 8. by the courts.

kim hyunjin (basketball): i’ll catch you up when everything’s done

_______________

[Unidentified Number]: the basketball courts at the park by our school. friday. 8pm. 

Waiting at the park after cleaning up and showering after their game, Hyunjin stands under a light post by the basketball courts, a book in her hands.

It’s the first book she gave to Heejin back in her freshman year.

Feeling more nervous than the first time Heejin greeted her in detention all those months ago, Hyunjin can’t help but to play with the corners of her book, her fingers needing something to pick on to stave off the stress she feels. Right at eight, the sound of Heejin’s voice seems to echo through Hyunjin’s ears, her heartbeat ferociously banging against her chest.

“Are you-”

Anxiously turning around with the front of the book facing Heejin, Hyunjin worries if Heejin will notice how her hands shake.

“Hi, Heejin.”

Looking nothing short of aghast, Heejin’s eyebrows are furrowed and her mouth gapes, “W-what?”

Licking her lips from how they’ve dried out, Hyunjin’s voice seems to tremble, “The first time I saw you, you were wearing a floral dress. The summer before we’d become freshmen. You had rectangular frames at the time. You were smiling for the yearbook photo and you took my breath away. I tried so many times to talk to you. I tried to make myself believe that I could be your friend so that I could muster up the courage to talk to you, even if just once. But, every time I tried to get close, my throat would close up and I’d sweat. So much. I had so many things to say to you, but I didn’t know how. And then as the months went by, I came to fear your rejection. So, I never showed my face around you.”

Taking a breath to try to lessen the quiver when she speaks, Hyunjin feels lightheaded with all of the adrenaline coursing through her, “The only person who knew about my feelings for you was Yeji. And Yeji knew Jiwoo through softball camp and I knew that Jiwoo was your best friend so I begged for her to do me a favor: to give a book to Jiwoo to sneak into your locker, to keep my identity a secret even if she persists for an answer. And Yeji did it because that’s the friend she is.”

Turning the book in her hands to trace the lettering of the title, Hyunjin timidly hands it to Heejin, something she should have done instead years ago.

“This is the first book I gave you. It’s my favorite one to this day. I’ve read it cover to cover numerous times; I could recite the first page if asked. I’ve imagined what it might look like to give you a book personally a million times. I’d just get scared because I’d imagine you being unhappy with what you saw—with me. So, I never did it even if I wanted to. Because I was a coward, am a coward.”

Shifting her feet and swallowing the lump in her throat, “I’m standing in front of you and I am terrified. Of what you think, feel. To know that after all these years, it’s just me leaving you the books that you find in your locker. I’m afraid of the person that you might’ve built up in your head and how I can’t compare. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you. I’m sorry for hiding for so long.”

Heejin takes a deep breath and looks away before sighing, “So you’re telling me, the little love triangle I had in my brain was between you, me, and…you? There were moments where I felt so frustrated about not being able to figure out who’s giving me the books. Times, where honestly, I felt infuriated because I kept thinking I wasn’t worth the bravery. Worthy of the truth.”

Hyunjin looks like she might cry when she puts her head down in shame. Taking the steps it takes to get closer and gently lift her chin, Heejin’s eyes are calm despite the storm rolling through Hyunjin’s.

“You’ve made me feel angry, inferior, and left in the dark.”

Hyunjin shrinks into herself and struggles to keep eye contact—Heejin only slowly lifts her chin, her voice gentle when she asks for Hyunjin to look at her.

“But, Hyunjin, you have also made me feel less alone, understood, and special. Even if no one paid attention to me, I was happy knowing that I at least had the books and the person giving me them. I had you without even knowing. And being with you now, what you make me feel is greater than anything I have ever felt in my entire life.”

There’s a light in Hyunjin’s eyes. She can feel how her heart resurfaces from the shallows of shame, insecurity, and fear.

“I’m falling in love with you, Hyunjin. And I can’t find it in myself to be angry at you even if you’ve been hiding the truth from me for years because I understand. You might’ve been scared. But you’ve been so brave with me without even realizing. Even if you don’t say anything, you wear your heart out on your sleeve and I know what you feel just by how you treat me, look at me. There isn’t a single day that I go to bed feeling doubtful about you.”

With tears glazing her eyes, Hyunjin feels the seal she kept zipped up for so long burst, there are only a few words in Hyunjin’s mind. 

(They’re the only ones that make sense).

“Heejin, I love you.”

Wiping the tears that fall, Heejin kisses her softly, “I know you do, baby. Wait for me to catch up because I feel it every day that I’m with you—every day, I fall in love with you.”

Pressing her lips against Heejin’s because it’s the comfort that she needs from her, Hyunjin feels how hers trembles between Heejin’s, whispers “I love you” between the breaths of air that she takes because Heejin never fails to make her breathless.

Heejin only holds her tighter, kisses her hair and caresses her when Hyunjin pulls her into a desperate hug. Catching the shine from the moon radiating from behind the girl, Heejin can’t help but to think, “The moon looks beautiful tonight.”

~.~.~

kim hyunjin (basketball): i am proud to announce that heejin doesn’t hate me after tonight and is in fact falling in love with me :D

kim hyunjin (basketball): also v proud to announce that I am Jeon Heejin’s, yes, /The/ Jeon Heejin’s, girlfriend :D