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It started off innocently enough.
They had been taking some well deserved down time. For the next few months, they would fly under the radar as Baam continued his training and their strategists formed their next move. Khun, in between his discussions with Hwa Ryun and Leesoo, decided to bring lunch to him. Knowing Baam, he had probably forgotten to eat entirely.
Khun knocked gently on the doors to announce his presence before entering into the room. The observation deck, as Evankhell called it, was floor to wall windows, displaying the sky just beyond the glass. The room itself was bare, with only a table and two choirs as its furnishings. And there, in the center of the room, was Baam.
Baam sat cross-legged on the floor, his golden eyes closed. For the first time in what felt like years, Khun could find no trace of worry on his face. He had let his hair down, his dark- chestnut locks resting on his shoulders. It had grown out more than he remembered. As Khun’s footsteps broke the peaceful silence, Baam made no indication that he was aware of his presence. Khun set the tray of food down on the table, casting a glance back over his shoulder at him. He frowned. Is he asleep? Whenever Khun came by with food in the past, Baam had always been enthusiastic to dig in to whatever he had brought him.
Khun sighed and made his way over to where his friend was resting. Once again, he made no sign of acknowledging his presence. Khun crouched down next to him.
Upon closer inspection, he could tell: Baam was asleep. Khun sighed, a fond smile finding its way onto face. “You’re such a handful sometimes,” he murmured. Against his better judgement, he found himself hesitant to wake him. He knew the boy had been sleeping poorly; who knew how exhausted he actually was behind the brave front he put up. From the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the peaceful look on his face, and the warm sunlight glinting off of his dark hair, Khun couldn’t bring himself to disturb him. You’re getting soft, he chided himself.
A stray hair slipped from its resting place and hung, obscuring Baam’s face. Before he could register what he was doing, Khun’s hand tucking the hair behind his ear. Golden eyes opened and met his.
Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.
His heart skipped a beat, and then another, and then started pounding, but he couldn’t break away from his gaze. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Baam blinked and the spell was broken.
“Khun?” he asked sleepily.
Khun blinked and quickly stood up, putting space between them. Oh my god, what were you doing Aguero? he yelled at himself internally.
He cleared his throat and looked out at the sky surrounding them. “I figured you hadn’t eaten yet, so I brought you something,” he stated, his voice (thankfully) not betraying the current mess his thought process was in.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Baam yawn and rub his eyes before slowly rising to his feet. He looked at the tray on the table for a few seconds before it seemed to register in his mind. “Thanks, Khun.” He flashed him a simple smile.
Oh god.
He needed to get himself under control.
“Khun,” Bam started, staring at him intensely.
“Yes?”
“Are you feeling alright? You look like you’re burning up,” he said, starting to raise his hand to feel Khun’s forehead.
“Yes. I’m fine. I’m just- I- uh- It’s just a bit hot in here,” he blurted out. He quickly turned on his heel and started heading towards the exit. “I have to look over the things Leesoo gave me; I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Khun had to resist the urge to bolt back to his room.
Once he arrived, he shut the door behind him and walked straight into his bathroom, quickly splashing cold water onto his face. He breathed out a sigh, staring at his reflection in the mirror. There was still a dusting of pink on his normally pale complexion.
Khun was not an idiot. He knew exactly what the emotion bubbling inside his chest for the past six years was. He’d known for a long time now that his feelings towards his best friend weren’t exactly... purely platonic in nature. However, he’d never put the name to it. He felt like if he did, it would never go away and he’d be stuck dealing with this one sided—uh—emotion for the rest of his life.
"I'm losing my fucking mind," he groaned.
Khun let out a sigh, letting himself fall back onto his bed. His mind was racing; he felt like he was slowly losing control over himself, of all things. He was a shrewd man. Some would call him cruel. They were probably right, to be completely fair. He was Khun Aguero Agnis; he never acted unless he was 100% certain of the outcome. He was the one who would take leadership of his family and start it over from the ground up.
And now he was in his room staring at the ceiling like a flustered schoolkid over his best friend.
Well, Baam had always been the exception to his rules, hadn't he?
---
The ship had landed for a brief stop, and the inhabitants were more to eager to step out into the fresh air for once.
Khun had strategically positioned himself underneath a shade tree, indulging in the cool breeze. He twirled a blade of grass between his fingers, trying to ignore the sounds of Evankhell and Rak training together. He figured the two of them would get along well. It had been exactly as he feared, maybe even worse.
He heard the sounds of footsteps, which jolted him to alertness for moment, before he recognized who they belonged to. He exhaled, releasing the tension from his body. Khun leaned his back, blue eyes meeting gold. "Baam," he said. It was just a name, but the sounds sounded sweet as they left his lips. Baam's eyes lit up and he quickened his pace ever-so-slightly. Khun closed his eyes, reclining fully on the grass beneath him.
He felt Baam sit down next to him, and the two of them sat in comfortable silence.
Then he heard something that sounded like an explosion, followed by Rak's distinct, maniacal laughter. "NOT BAD, FIRE TURTLE!"
Khun glanced up at Baam, and as soon as their eyes met, they both burst out laughing. He felt a flutter in his chest he'd never experienced before. His entire body felt a little lighter as he saw Baam laughing, breathless. A warmth spread throughout him, something that only happened when he was around the brown-haired boy next to him. It was a completely foreign experience. He kind of liked it.
"I guess quiet isn't a thing those two comprehend," Khun deadpanned, trying to tune out the sounds of battle behind him.
"Khun, you should know Rak well enough at this point to not really be surprised at that," he responded.
"Fair enough." Even though he'd only known Evankhell for a year at best, he could tell that she wasn't of a calm, strategic disposition either. What was it with the ridiculously powerful also being the ridiculously reckless? He was going to shave a few years off of his life trying to keep all of them alive. He stared at Baam, not without a little bit of fond exasperation. Well, it was that recklessness that had made him so endearing and honest. Maybe that was how he'd decided that the strange boy holding the Black March was trustworthy all those years ago.
"Khun?"
His name hung in the air for a few seconds before Khun made up his mind. He trusted him with his life; he would trust him with this too.
"... call me Aguero."
He saw Baam's expression change in real time from stunned, to conflicted, to finally making some sort of decision.
"A-Aguero," he said tentatively. His expression was shy and uncertain and if Khun thought it was cute, that was nobody's business but his own. Khun felt heat rush up to his face. God, even after everything he had been through, how could he be this adorable?
"Aguero," he repeated with more finality. Khun thought he saw pink dusted on his cheeks. "I like it. It's pretty; it suits you."
Oh, now Khun was definitely blushing. He quickly sat up covered his face with his hands. "Oh my god, how can you just say things like that?"
Now even Baam was slightly flushed. "Hey! I meant it! That was entirely sincere!"
"That's somehow even worse!"
Khun heard his heartbeat pounding in his ears. It was definitely too loud and too fast; he'd be surprised if Baam couldn't hear it as well. He still was covering his face with his hands, trying desperately will the blush off of his face. Cool hands suddenly wrapped around his wrists and gently pulled his hands away from his face. Now, he was face to face with Baam, who was staring directly at him. He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. He looked anywhere, anywhere except for into his eyes. With how close their faces were, he didn't trust himself to not do something stupid.
"Your name is beautiful. You are beautiful, okay?" Baam said just loud enough for the two of them to hear.
It took Khun a full minute to recollect his derailed train of thought.
"Okay, okay. Just stop saying such sappy things; it's not good for my health," he teased, flopping back down on the grass unceremoniously. But despite what he said, he knew he was smiling. And he knew Baam could see it too, from the absolutely pleased look on his face.
---
He had no clue how he wound up in the next incident.
As far as Khun could remember, he'd been in Baam's room with the Crocodile, spending time together as the original trio. It had been a while since just the three of them had been able to hang out, and-not that he'd ever admit it-Khun had enjoyed the evening. After that, he remembered Baam suggesting the three of them all spend the night in his room like they used to in the past. Khun normally would have said no, but it was never that easy when it came to Baam.
He'd woken up before the rest of them. He immediately noticed in his half-awake daze that the blankets were gone, although he was still comfortably warm. He nearly drifted back off to sleep, if he didn't feel something around his waist tighten. A quick glance down to see what it was, and he was immediately awake.
So now he was laying on a bedroll with Rak snoring away underneath the pile of stolen blankets and Baam snuggled into his back with an arm around his waist.
He couldn't see Baam's face, but it must have been close to his own, as he could hear his deep breaths directly behind him. When he exhaled, it tickled the nape of his neck and sent chills across his entire body. It took every ounce of willpower to not move; he was mentally screaming. How did this something like this even happen? It sounded like something out of a cheap romance plot: accidentally waking up border-line cuddling with the man you are very much in love with.
Ah, shit. He'd used the L-word.
He resolved to just lay there, not moving, until Baam hopefully woke up and moved.
Not that it was an unpleasant experience.
Khun didn't know how long it took, but he felt Baam stir next to him. He pretended to still be asleep, hoping to spare both Baam and himself some embarrassment. He felt him stiffen in surprise, and then slowly, he removed his arm and shifted back. After enough time had passed, Khun pretended to wake up as well, leaving the incident unaddressed before moving on with his life.
Except he thought about it later that night when he realized he felt colder than usual.
---
"A shark can't swim with minnows forever."
Evan's words still haunted him years later. Baam's progress was even more rapid under Evankhell's guidance; Khun felt like he was swimming furiously upstream to keep up. He looked the boy across the table from him, listening to Evankhell and Hwa Ryun. Something in his stomach flipped, and he decided he needed some fresh air. Or as fresh as air could get on an airship. He quietly excused himself.
His feet moved of their own accord, and he found himself outside the doors to the observation deck. He pushed them open and slipped inside, letting himself appreciate the beauty of the shinsu-night sky beyond the windows. Khun rested against the railing around the windows, letting the quiet ease the uproar in his mind.
The thought of Baam going on without him, of Khun being left behind in the wake of his rapid growth wasn't just unpleasant. It terrified him. It began to keep him up at night. Just the idea of not being able to be by Baam at the end of it all was complete torture. He'd said he would go as far as he could, but that was a lie. He wanted to go with him to the top, to giving Jahad a well-deserved kick in the ass, to the mythic sky at the tower's top. He wanted to be there when it all came to a conclusion. He wanted to be there even after the finale, whatever that epilogue would be. He laughed without any real humor. I wonder what Maria would say if she saw me now.
Khun turned his head to the sound of footsteps. He watched as the door slowly cracked open. His heart leaped.
"Baam," he breathed.
"... Aguero, what are you doing here?" concern laced in his voice.
"What I do best," he replied, feeling some of the dread slip away in his presence.
"Ah. Overthinking things?" he teased, walking up to stand beside him.
"If by 'overthinking' you mean not charging headfirst into something, then yes." That got a chuckle out of Baam.
"..."
Khun wasn't looking at him, but he could feel his expectant gaze. However, they both remained silent.
"..."
"I was worried, you know, when you suddenly left like that," he started.
Khun slightly winced. He guessed his exit wasn't as graceful as he thought. "I just needed a little quiet, that's all," he assured.
"... you don't normally lie to me."
Khun looked at him with a start. Baam's stare was unflinching as he continued. "Something is bothering you. Let me help."
"I don't know if you can-"
"Well, let me try."
Khun bit his lip and faced the false sky again. Silence fell over them, but this time, he would respond. He just needed to figure out how to say it. How could he even say it? He didn't know if he was selfish enough to look Baam in the eye and ask him to slow down. To ask him to stop chasing his goal so quickly.
To not leave him behind.
He could never do that. He would not ask Baam to do something he didn't want. He swore that he would never let him be used again.
But he was waiting, expecting a response. So he had to try something; he turned to face him.
"Baam, what are you hoping is at the top of the tower?"
A pause. He clearly hadn't been expecting that question.
"... I want to see the stars with everyone. Well, no," he paused, his brow furrowing. "I don't think the stars really matter. I guess I don't really have a specific thing I want." Baam took his hands and held them in his own, looking straight into his eyes. Khun met his gaze.
"Whatever it is you want, I don't want you to be held back by us-"by me"-as you reach for it."
Baam quickly shook his head, squeezing Khun's hands. "If I have to leave you all behind, then there's no point. I want to make it to the top with everyone."
"Baam, that may not be-"
"-be possible? I know," he said as he smiled wistfully, looking down at their hands. He rubbed his thumb across Khun's knuckles, sending a jolt of electricity through him. "But I've decided."
He looked back up, resolve on his face. "Would you help me if I told you what I really wanted?"
"Yes." No hesitation.
"Then climb this tower with me. Together."
"I'll slow you down, you know."
"Then we'll go slow." His eyes were unwavering as Khun stared into them.
He laughed airily. He lowered his head so that his forehead was resting on Baam's shoulder. "You're so demanding," he whispered through a smile.
Baam leaned his head against his. "Is that a yes?"
There were so many things he could say. He could tell him that he'd follow him into hell if he asked, or that he would tear the Tower apart brick by brick if that was what he truly wanted. He wanted to tell him that he would stay by his side until the Tower ripped him away from him. He wanted to tell him he loved him.
Instead, he lifted his head. He used to be taller than Baam, but now they stood almost at the same height. They were so close that their noses were almost touching. He released Baam's hand and brought it up to cup his cheek. Baam's breath hitched, and he could feel his pulse start to race beneath his fingers. He paused before he went any further.
"Can I-?"
Baam nodded before he could even finish. Khun leaned in and his eyes fluttered closed.
Maybe time stopped when he kissed Baam. Or maybe his brain had stopped. One of the two.
He'd imagined kissing Baam countless times but this was so much better. His heart raced and he felt his knees weaken. He was slightly trembling and his hands were shaking but he didn't care as he felt him smiling against his lips. Baam melted into his touch and everything felt so right, like he was meant to be there.
Reluctantly, he pulled back. Baam was breathless and flushed, the tips of his ears bright red. He smiled, bringing his hands up to wrap around Khun's neck while his own trailed down to his waist. "I've wanted to do that for so long," he breathed, touching his forehead to Khun's.
"You have no idea," Khun chuckled.
Baam smiled before pulling him in again. Khun happily obliged.