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There was one thing Levi never understood. And that was the night people seriously take it upon themselves to decorate their homes in funky pumpkins, chopped limbs, black cats and cobwebs and etc. to attract troops of spoiled brats covered in red corn syrup among other things, lots of glitter and face paint, and to indulge their incurable case of sweet tooth.
And then there were the parents that actually took their kids out to into this environment because they were great parents. Please. Don't even. That's why he was advised not to be a parent, because being a parent requires a certain qualification of being a dumb idiot who doesn't even begin to understand the concept of discipline.
So he takes it upon himself to enjoy a cup of tea on the thirty first without having his doorbell fire away every two goddamn seconds, keeps his candy to himself because shut the fuck up it's his, and enjoys the offerings of Netflix in the solitary comfort of his living room and his tightly blinded windows and absolutely gruesome yard because he can.
Well. At least, he tries to. He tries very hard.
He doesn't hang a few dangly skeletons from his porch, doesn't line the paved path with pop up zombies very poorly carved. Doesn't flick on a menacing blow up ghost that looms over his roof.
But, he does splatter the entire walkway with blood (calm down, remember the chemical formula's corn syrup), leaves a few trampled organs here and there, a half eaten brain lodged in a crack somewhere along the path. Too much chocolate syrup gone to waste, it made his heart and pocket ache.
It was worse when he had to buy a few porcelain dolls, crack their porcelain faces. Replace eyeballs with empty sockets, filled with crimson brown stains instead. Gah, smells too much like chocolate and Kool aid. He hanged those along his porch, worked brilliantly with a specific amount of light.
He needed some more displaced limbs and body parts if he wanted this to be convincing. Ah, yes, a hanged head from a noose, nothing below neck intact. Some crappy handicrafts from Walmart worked well, too, when he added a few of his abstract touches.
He would keep a window open for some sound affects--some Tiptoe through the Tulips, and that would be that. But first, a few tests.
Erwin.
He just stared around, gave everything close inspection, avoided a puddle of what he assumed was chopped liver, and then walked away with a smile."You're absolutely horrible."
Levi quirked an eyebrow. Erwin shook his head, at a loss of words."Just horrible."
Hanji.
"Wow. Wow. You're imagination is fascinating, disturbingly so." She crouched down along his sidewalk, fixing her glasses."Your only flaw is the smell. It smells so sugary and chocaltey in here that I would overlook all for that scent." She inhaled, picking up a smear of blood from the concrete with her index finger."Can I taste it?"
"Fuck no."
Petra.
She screamed and hightailed it across the street. Literally. She just, squawked and ran away. Extremely helpful.
Levi couldn't do anything about the smell. Everything he dumped on it either reinforced or discolored it. Whatever, it was the thirtieth and everything was perfect. No kid would trespass for the smell. Except, maybe a blind kid. And a blind kid would have a sightful companion, so.
Anyway. Tea. Coffee crisps. Lindor. Netflix, a blanket, and he was happy. Heaps happy, please keep your kids at home happy. He might've been expecting Hanji to drop by later on, but he wasn't sure when.
He was just around the beginning of the Maze Runner and his tea, comfortable on his couch when his doorbell wrung. He sighed in annoyance, putting everything down and lazily made his way to the front door.
His eye sight was set upfront and directly there, some unfriendly insult for her at the tip of his tongue. He blinked at the empty night, then lowered his gaze.
Really?
For fucking real?
Three pairs of eyes blinked back at him, one gray and moody looking, one bright and green and annoyingly curious, one pale blue and downright traumatized, glossed with tears.
The one in the middle, in a cozy tiger costume with cheeks adorned with whiskers, and a mercilessly filled bag of treats spoke up first, and the words that came out of his mouth surprisingly weren't trick or treat. He pointed behind him."What did you do with all the bodies?" He said in wonder.
Levi just blinked back in a blank manner.
"Did you dump them in the trash?" He continued, tilting his head to the side. He curled a paw around his mouth, eyes darting from side to side."Or do you need help hiding them?"
The blond traumatized one clung onto him tighter and emitted something between a whimper and a whine. The little girl with blood messily staining her cheeks drew a corner of her lips back, a plastic white fang poking out. She narrowed her eyes at Levi, holding a pumpkin basket just over the skirt of her black and red dress.
He honestly didn't know what to think.
Green eyed tiger blinked up at him with that sober look of curiosity, and if Levi didn't know any better, he'd say he looked a bit cute right there."Oh, and what happened to the zombie leaving his food everywhere? Why is there a weird man singing in your attic?"
Blondie shut his eyes and clung on tighter, whispering something he couldn't here. His navy wizard hat was a bit too big for him.
"It's okay, Armin." little tiger reassured, before his attention went back to Levi.
And Levi decided why the hell not."You sure you wanna know?" He leaned against the door frame, fixed him with an intimidating gaze.
He nodded enthusiastically, and a glint of underlying interest shone in the girl's eye.
"I locked the zombie down in the basement before he made more of a mess. He smells pretty awful, too."
Little brunet's jaw dropped.
"I buried the bodies in my backyard." Levi shrugged, looking at his nails.
"And the dolls?" He whispered, Levi giving them a glance.
"Some spoiled little princesses needed to learn a lesson." He saw the girl stiffen, glancing at him with a bit of fear. She threw a look over her shoulder to where a conflicted mother stood waiting at the end of the street, and this was the brilliant parenting Levi previously spoke of.
This, though, was a different level of amusing. And these children with practically murderous curiosity, it was a bit scary.
"Kids, hurry up!" The mother called from across the street in obvious discomfort, and little tiger hopscotched his way through the bloody sidewalk to his mother, the two quickly following.
"Mom, he has a zombie in his basement!" Was all he heard, nearly cringing."I wanna see it."
After a bit more bickering they came back to his porch, blondie still reluctant. Their trio leader seemed severely unamused."My name's Eren and if you need any super secret mission help, please tell me because I really, really want to catch some zombies and hide dead bodies." His expression had morphed along with his words to a sparkly eyed, curious plead.
The girl tugged on little tiger's paw."I wanna hide some bodies too."
"And Mikasa." He said with a nod, and Levi smirked despite himself, eyes drifting to the blond.
"And you?"
He tried to disappear behind Eren, blue eye peaking out."I wanna go home."
Eren shrugged, rubbing his arm. He set his adorably doe wide eyes on Levi again, his eyebrows nearly reached his hairline, and his smile revealed a single dimple on one of his cheeks ."Do you have candy?"
Parenting be damned. Discipline be damned. Resistance be damned. Levi understood parents, dumb idiots, why gross candy even existed."Yes. Yes I do."
He got himself another grin, a hug, and a fearless, striped kouhai.
Well, almost fearless. Eren saw a spider on his way back, screamed and ran so hard as if they hadn't just had a disturbing conversation about the beheaded and brain eaters.