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To say the past month had been bad was a severe understatement. Now to say your life was so fucked up and you felt like shit constantly, that was better. Between exams and being with yourself inside your head, the amount of stress that had subconsciously climbed onto your shoulders was tremendous. It doesn’t seem like it would cause much stress but of course your brain had to overthink everything at any fucking chance it could get. As much as you hated to lie, stating that everything was great, it couldn’t be helped, after all feeling like a useless person who deserves it will do that. Being in the closet, knowing people are going to just leave you for being a freak wasn’t helping. “This can’t get any worse. Right?” Oh but it could. Well, in your eyes anyway.
Your boyfriend, Kuroo would spend a lot of his days at the gym after school. He loved volleyball and would often be seen with his friends bokuto and akaashi. Wanting to watch him, you made your way over to the gym. Reaching the door, the first person to acknowledge your presence was bokuto. He was always excited to see you. Waving at him, and saying hello to Kuroo and akaashi you made your way over to a seat, watching them play volleyball and trying to teach you the basics too the time passed quickly.
An hour left, jeez where’s the time gone? You thought to yourself. Getting your phone out of your school bag and switching it on, the screen was flooded with messages from unknown numbers. They were likely people from here, students. Being the quiet kid who didn’t talk much you were an easy target. They knew they wouldn’t have to deal with you putting up a fight. Each message contained some sort of message saying “you’re useless you know that right?” Or “honestly why the fuck are you still here.” Trying your hardest not to let the sadness or hurt slip onto your face and looking away, you quickly realised all that effort was in vain as you heard heavy footsteps walking to the chair beside you, the man who was quickly identified as Kuroo Tetsurō. The same man you swore never to show your weakness to. Slowly looking up, preparing to be embarrassed by what was next, his face appeared slowly in the corner of your eyes, his face showing great concern.
You’ve finally fucking blown it, letting him see your broken, weak side. Absolutely Pathetic.
The walk home was just a blur as you zoned in and out and before you knew it, you were at your door with Kuroo. Preparing for the long talk you and him about to have, you sighed and sat down on the corner of your bed. Well, here goes I guess. “Babe are you-“ “No.” it wasn’t mean to be as blunt as that but you knew he wouldn’t accept the lies that have left your mouth for the past month and just wanted to cry. Alone. “For the past, god how long has it been, few months? I’ve felt like absolute shit. I’ve been so stressed about exams, people, probably students have been messaging me sending me texts telling me to just die already. If that wasn’t enough i- you know what, Kuroo, why are you putting up with a disgusting freak like me? Someone who can’t even fight back. I-I-i’m so weak and we both know you deserve a lot better than me. Look at me, I’m just someone who can’t do anything right. While we’re here you may as well know that I’m non-binary.” By now, you were sobbing, struggling to get the oxygen needed into your lungs. You Prepared for the bed to suddenly feel weightless, to hear Tetsurō leave and never come back again, instead warmth suddenly encompassed your fragile body. Tetsurōs heart broke, hearing Feeling you flinch at his touch. “Baby breathe, look at me. Follow my breathing, deep breaths. There we go”.
The room fell quiet as he thought of what to say, he started to fill the now silent, and tense room with his voice, the voice you found comfort in, the very same voice that sometimes pushed all the worries and thoughts aside. After a little “I’ve never been good with words for this but I’ll tell you this, believe me when I say you’re nothing like that. Smart, hardworking, amazing, caring, talented and the best partner I could as for is how I’d describe you. If you’re worried about exams, I can ask akaashi to help you. Tomorrow we will go to the principal and report the students. The voices in your head and the students? I’ll protect you against them. You’re truly worth it, please don’t give up, don’t die. You don’t deserve that. Nobody does. Never have I and never will I see you as a disgusting freak, not fighting back doesn’t automatically make you a freak nor does it mean you’re weak.” Sighing deeply he started another sentence, “ Being non-binary isn’t bad. It never has been. I’ll support you no matter how you identify, what pronouns you use, or anything like that. Okay?” Not being able to speak, you gently nodded, slowly calming down. He was again, the person to talk, “what pronouns do you want me to use?” Placing his phone into your shaky hands, he watched as you typed out what to say. This wasn’t the first time that this has happened and he’s never had an issue with it.
“They / them please. Thank you for everything Kuroo. I mean it, what you said meant a lot.”
Quietly saying okay he moved you gently to lay down in his arms, not letting you go knowing that this type of situation can and will exhaust you. You stayed like that for the rest of the night. Laying on top of him, relaxing into his touch, finally feeling slightly better, no weight on crushing your chest. And for once, the voices inside your head were quiet. Knowing this would take a lot of time but also knowing that Kuroo Tetsurō, the amazing man he is, would be with by your side every step of the way, picking you up when you fall down, helping you learn how to walk again acting as your body guard fighting the voices in your head, made you relax. Slowly shutting your eyes, getting some much needed sleep after a much needed talk.