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Wave, staring at the piece of paper handed to him by Pang with a large handwriting of ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ positioned on top, uttered in disbelief, “What the fuck?”
Pang grinned and tapped his ballpen against the paper. “That, Wave, is what you call a New Year’s Resolutio—”
“Yes, I can obviously read,” Wave cut off and narrowed his eyes at the other boy.
Pang chuckled at that response and in a mischievous manner, he grabbed the paper and wrote: 1. Be less condescending and acknowledge people when it is due.
Wave rolled his eyes and said, “That sounds stupid.”
“Hey! We aren’t even through and you’re already breaking the first one!” Pang reprimanded.
“Well, Pang, in case you haven’t noticed, I never really agreed to this.”
Pang crossed his arms and huffed. Not long after, he immediately lit up and bumped his shoulder against Wave’s, obviously teasing the other. “Come on! It can’t be that bad, huh? Now that we’re all devising a movement to overthrow the Director, this will really help in order to strengthen the collectivity that we’re trying to build. Als—”
“Fine,” Wave simply stated.
“Wait! Listen to me first. This will be a great opp—wait, did you just say fine? As in fine, you’ll do the resolutions?” Pang excitedly rambled, his face getting close to Wave’s.
Wave looked away in embarrassment and shoved Pang’s face away. “Yeah, if that’s what’s going to get you to shut up.”
Pang beamed and leapt from his seat, roaming around the room as if he’s pondering. Wave suspiciously eyed him, but before he could say anything, Pang went to his direction, leaned down next to him, and started to write.
Wave’s heartbeat was getting more and more rapid as each second passed by. Not even a few minutes later, the paper was already filled with 10 resolutions. Wave merely shook his head and glared at Pang. “I have a resolution for you too—stop pestering me.”
Pang pretended to think about it, and grinned. “No. Perhaps I am truly a leech, and you can’t get rid of me even if you tried.”
Wave rolled his eyes and responded, “Don’t I know it.”
Pang ruffled Wave’s head endearingly and waved his hand, dismissing himself because it was already getting dark. He was already outside Wave’s dorm when he shouted before he shut the door, “Don’t forget to be good and follow the resolutions!”
Smiling fondly, Wave lightly bashed his head against the table and whispered, “What have I gotten myself into?”
Looking back at his own reaction earlier when Pang was nearby and physical contact was initiated, he suddenly shuddered at how similar the feeling was when he first felt how it was to be infatuated to someone.
Fear took over his body—the rush that consumed him earlier when he was still with the other boy turned into an unbearable pressure that weighed him down, getting more relentless with every passing moment.
As a precaution, he wrote another resolution—one which he deemed the most important among all: 11. Do not catch feelings.
Ultimately, his resolutions unfolded right before his very eyes easily. He didn’t expect it, but he actually felt better carrying them out. It must also be taken into account that out of all the times these were exercised, it was practiced first and foremost with his friend, Pang.
The first time it happened was during a critical moment of their lives. They were in the cusp of mobilizing the studentry to rise against the prejudiced design of the entire system, and Pang was extremely anxious to lead the people into their next step. He was inconsolable—he was paranoid, and he wasn’t himself throughout the day.
Wave didn’t know how to help him. He felt helpless seeing his friend like this, especially since he’s so used to seeing him in a state of resilience all the time. Wave knows, however, where Pang’s fear originates from. The last time he spoke up against the Director in front of the Ministry of Education, it did nothing to advance his cause. It only exposed how the Ministry of Education is in itself an accomplice in propagating the injustice across all educational institutions.
Unsure of what he’s about to say, he did something even he was surprised of doing. He held Pang’s hand, and looked at him straight in the eye. He squeezed it once, as if to reassure his friend that he isn’t alone, and Pang squeezed back, signifying that he understood the other’s intention. They didn’t let go for quite a long time.
Pang’s gaze softened, and he mumbled, “Thank you.”
Wave nodded his head and cockily replied, “Just doing my seventh new year’s resolution. Slowly allow yourself to initiate physical contact.”
They both laughed heartily, and right after, Pang was able to triumphantly deliver a message that sparked inspiration among the people.
The second time was actually quite a milestone for Wave’s part. As usual, he was sitting on the cafeteria alone to eat his lunch when Pang approached him. Raising his eyebrow, he asked, “What do you need?”
Pang grabbed Wave by his shoulder and dragged him, “Come eat with us!” He pointed at the table where Namtarn and Ohm also were.
The idea of interacting with more people made Wave want to gauge his own eyes out—or Pang’s eyes. Any eyes, really. However, Pang reminded him of something.
“Resolution number two, be open to making more friends!”
“Why do you even have that memorized? Ugh, you know what, you’re unbelievable!” Wave was about to say something more, but before he could, he was already seated right in front of Namtarn and Ohm.
Looking back at his unresolved conflict with Namtarn, he avoided making eye contact with her. Awkwardly, he raised his hand and said, “Hi.”
However, the tension also faded as quickly as he came. Ohm, without any sliver of shame in him, instantly held Wave’s shoulders and said, “Hey, do you want to put your potential in good use?”
Wave tilted his head in confusion and asked, “What?”
Namtarn shook his head and sighed, “Oh, God. This will be fun.”
“Hack into Pang’s network and gather as much embarrassing baby and pre-teen pictures! We’re really in great need of it,” Ohm pleaded, Namtarn laughing beside him.
Pang’s eyes widened and accusatorily pointed at Ohm, “You traitor! I know this was a bad idea!”
Wave, smirking menacingly, answered, “That will be easy.”
The look of betrayal painted across Pang’s face was comical. Wave just shrugged his shoulder and got into work. There were a lot of commotion as the three rambled on, pointing fingers at each other. A few seconds later, both Namtarn’s and Ohm’s phones lit up with notifications.
The two started hysterically laughing, both of them in the cusp of tears. Namtarn held the phone in front of Pang and taunted him, “This was you back in seventh grade?”
Pang’s cheeks reddened and he started struggling to take Ohm’s phone away from him. As the whole tirade persisted, Wave looked at Namtarn and lightly spoke, “Uh. Namtarn, I would just like to apol—”
He was immediately cut off when Namtarn waved her hand, smiled, and responded, “No worries. I understand.”
Never in a long time has Wave felt relief set him free this much. He felt lightened, and he let himself join in the erupting laughter among their group. He looked at Pang, relaxed his shoulder, and thought, ‘ I really am thankful for this loser.’
The third and fourth time occurred simultaneously. It happened right after their class in The Gifted program when Pang was whining about how he’s struggling with their upcoming Math quizzes.
Thinking about how it has been quite a time since the two of them were able to spend time together due to attending upon their own obligations, Wave said, “I could help you. Come with me to my dorm and we could study.”
Pang smiled and hugged Wave—a gesture that rattled Wave. Out of panic, he quickly broke away and said, “Resolution number 8. Offer help to people when you can.”
Like it was just a casual thing, Pang ruffled Wave’s head and dragged him towards the latter’s dorm.
Two hours of studying later, Pang was focused on answering the sheets that Wave handed out to him. Wave, unconsciously, was just staring at the other boy in front of him. Once more, he felt something lurching in his stomach. He was shaken out of that trance when Pang started to wave the papers in front of his eyes, catching his attention.
“Hello? Earth to Wave? I’m done! Can you check this for me?”
Shaken, Wave only nodded and retrieved the papers in his hands. After reviewing Pang’s answers, he was astounded at how he got everything correct.
“You’re all good.” Wave looked at Pang, cleared his throat, and continued, “You’re actually not bad, you know, when you just put your focus on something. I don’t think you’re dumb. At all.”
Pang was taken aback by that respond. He, then, cheekily grinned and said, “Only because the one teaching me is the best!”
Wave forced himself to hide his smile but failed at doing so. He merely brushed the other off by saying, “Resolution number one. Be less condescending and acknowledge people when it is due.”
Pang laughed at that response and returned studying.
That night, Wave wasn’t proud to declare that he was kept awake thinking of Pang.
The fifth time it happened, Wave was going through ‘one of those days’ when he wanted to do nothing else but just lay in his bed, crippled with doubts and the horror of his past. He didn’t do anything for the rest of the day. He let himself be immersed in his own misery, and thought that this wouldn’t last long so he doesn’t have to worry much about it.
His chest felt heavy—a feeling too familiar to him already that he was desensitized to enduring it alone.
However, that didn’t last long. It was night time when he heard a knocking in his dorm room. Mustering all the strength he could, he forced himself to stand up and check who visited him at such a time.
Opening the door, he was shocked to see Pang. He didn’t think they had any predetermined appointment for today, so he was puzzled as to why he would show up unattended. At the same time, he felt a momentary surge of ease rush through him. He merely nodded at the other to acknowledge him and let him in.
“What are you here for?” Wave asked, not even bothering to look at Pang as he already flopped back on his own bed.
Much to his surprise, Pang also lied down next to him, facing him directly as he responded, “What’s up with you?”
Wave rolled his eyes and poked Pang’s forehead, “What do you mean what’s up with me? You’re literally the one who barged in my room without telling me beforehand.”
Pang pouted and said, “Well, I was worried! You were kinda feeling off the past few days, and I didn’t hear from you this entire day—not that you usually text back a lot, but I just kinda felt like something wasn’t right, you know?”
Wave sighed heavily, not knowing how to react to his friend’s effortless genuine concern for him. He felt touched, and more than that. He drifted off for a while, and thinking very hard, he thought that he couldn’t possibly lose anything if he just opened himself up a little to his friend seeing how far they’ve come together already. Still, there was a shadow of doubt in him.
It didn’t last long before that doubt eventually simmered down. Like it was second nature to him, Pang held Wave’s hand.
“You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay if we just stay like—”
“I’m troubled. I don’t even know how to explain what’s going on but it’s just one of those days when I don’t feel fine and I can’t pinpoint why but somehow it must be tied to the shit I’ve been through ever since I was a junior.” Wave continued on, never losing a breath, as Pang just looked at him all throughout and refused to break contact.
For once, Wave felt like he could actually breathe.
“Resolution number ten. Allow yourself to be vulnerable sometimes,” Pang pointed out.
Wave only nodded. But at that time, when he opened up, he didn’t even remember about the resolution they formulated. He only let himself be driven by the sincere comfort that they shared between each other.
He laughed it off and replied, “Yeah. I’m really doing good in these resolutions, huh?”
And as if fate was playing with him, not even long after, he violated the resolution which he deemed to be of utmost importance compared to the rest. Contrary to the previous occurrences when Pang would be the reason why he’d be able to accomplish his resolutions, this time, he was the exact reason why he went against it.
Wave, after giving Pang his lunch as they work together in his own dorm, realized that he’s in love with his friend. It wasn’t the ideal time to dwell in this existential crisis, but its onslaught was something he couldn’t have possibly controlled.
He’d be lying if he said this was completely unforeseen—it was definitely hinted already ever since the moment they concocted the resolutions, but he chose to bury it deep in him and he had only planned to ignore it until it eventually just fades by itself. However, as a saying goes, a problem that is left unattended has the tendency to generate a crisis.
That’s exactly where he found himself right at that very moment—he was in an absolute shithole of a crisis, and he didn’t know how to address it.
So, he does the only thing he knows how to do at that time: he momentarily shut down, banging his head against the table and refusing to get up.
Pang, with concern laced in his voice, softly shook Wave’s shoulder and asked, “Hey. What’s wrong?”
Since Wave was still in the middle of emotional turmoil, he didn’t really know anymore how to properly function. He glared at Pang and pointed at him, “That’s exactly what’s wrong! You! You are! You made me break my fucking resolution.”
At this point, Pang’s confusion left him frozen for a few seconds.
“What are you talking about? And what resolution is that to get you so worked up?” Despite being flummoxed, Pang was still heavily concerned, trying to discern what was happening with his friend.
Wave felt like he was going insane. “The eleventh one!”
“But we only created ten, didn’t we?”
“Yes, stupid, but I added one! And that’s the most important! Do not catch feelings,” Wave said in utmost frustration. When the rush of the moment dissipated in him and the content of his words finally dawned upon him, his ears turned red in embarrassment.
He would’ve wanted nothing more but to acquire Ohm’s potential so that he could just disappear right there.
Pang’s face was suddenly plastered with something like a mix of disappointment and hopelessness. In a soft voice, he said, “Which must mean you’re in love! T-That’s good. So, who might the lucky girl be?”
Wave was dumbfounded. He couldn’t be more obvious now. He was once more caught in the perpetual state of frustration. He was debating whether it would be a good idea to knock Pang unconscious.
“Are you for fucking real?”
“Yeah! I’d really like to know who my friend has fallen to! Oh, could it be Namtarn?”
Wave was so close to pulling out all his hair, and he had to hold himself back from screaming.
“You’re so stupid! It’s obviously you! You’re the only person I’m with almost all of the time, and it should’ve already been obvious with my subtle touches, gazes, and the way I make excuses to be with you!”
Wave thought that he would regret this outburst of confession, but he actually felt relieved and freed. Regardless of whether things are going to change between them, he needed to let his feelings out, otherwise, he wouldn’t have any other option but to combust all over.
Pang was frozen in his seat. He was only staring at Wave, and he seemed to be catching his breath. Wave was waiting for a response, but it didn’t come. He was completely stilled, caught in a motionless disbelief.
“Don’t be like this. We’re still friends. I can’t have this kind of scenario again. I didn’t expect anyway that you’d have liked me back. It’s enough for me that you k—”
Pang snapped out of it and said, “Shut up!”
“What?”
When Pang himself realized what he said, he was shocked by his behavior. He was at a loss of words. He was scratching at his nape as his gaze was intently focused on Wave’s mouth—it has been like that for quite a time, Wave just didn’t notice because he himself was a mess.
“Can I kiss you?” Pang asked, very softly, as if afraid that the intimacy between them would be revealed to the world. He also broke free from his shy demeanor, gathering strength as his gaze now shifted to Wave’s eyes.
“No,” Wave replied straightforwardly. “I will.”
Wave, without wasting any second, leaned in and kissed Pang. The latter was too startled at first to move, but he reciprocated immediately, the two of them melting into each other’s touch.
Pang was the first one to break the kiss to catch his breath. “I really am stupid, huh?”
Smiling fondly, Wave responded, “Yes, you are.”
They broke into a fit of laughter, letting themselves indulge in that moment when they were finally able to reveal what the both of them have been suppressing for so long—all thanks to Wave’s new year’s resolution.