Archive of Our Own

yoongi had had a lot of stupid decisions in his life.  

for once, he decided that the best method of surviving in seoul after living your whole life in daegu would be taking the cheapest rent you could find, no matter the circumstances. these circumstances however that yoongi decided not to take in consideration included the one hour and a half walk to his college unit, and also put him out of everything that was  civil.  yoongi  walked out of  daegu  to get  into the  heart of  korean  economy only to live in a street that resembled his old  hometown ,  and that counts as a  bad  decision.  or, the time when  yoongi  tried to make friends with his desk mate in seventh grade because he  needed to socialize;  in his mom's  words—he had to act more like a child his own age, with life in his eyes and joy in his voice.  it just wasn’t something  yoongi could do, and the so-called friendship with  danghae  from  seventh  grade  only brought him harsher days.  the boy would talk about him on his back, would mock him for everything  yoongi  does, would have the audacity to call him  short.  one day, danghae laughed at him for looking into a marine life album and tried to snatch it out of his hands and yoongi had had enough; it ended with them in a brisk fight, one yoongi won with slit knuckles. (and a double parent meeting in the headmaster’s office that ended rather badly for yoongi when he got home but still—he had his album intact).  

or, this morning when he thought that he can go through the day without coffee having slept all night only later to realize that his body is already programmed to function only on caffeine. so yoongi had experienced some bad decisions through his life, ones he’s mainly to blame.  

what he didn’t knew however was that his friends could be this  stupid  to make ever worse decisions than he’d  done his whole life. or—maybe it’s an exaggeration, but  yoongi can’t deny the fact that they are, in fact, stupid.  and coming from  namjoon makes him really question the loyalty of his friends. 

he’s hunched over his knees, head tucked between his shoulders as jin explains why this is a  brilliant  idea even though it’s not.  yoongi  can see  namjoon from the corner of his eye, nodding to what jin says and he almost bashes his head on the table because  this must be a dream. “and it is perfect,  yoongi -ah!”  jin  says for what feels like the fifth time in a minute. “where else can you find a better solution than this!  it’s not that expensive and you’re just having a date.  i’ve  told you  so many times, with your attitude nobody would date you so this might just be your escape.” 

“i've dated people.” yoongi groans. he did but none of those relationships were serious, maybe one or two that crossed the lines where yoongi said  i love  you.  it’s just stupid because he doesn’t need a relationship  now,  not this kind in any way. maybe  yoongi  was down a little bit more these weeks because he feels lonely, and maybe he is a bit touch starved, wants to feel someone  next to him that actually cares, but it doesn’t have to come in the form of— this. whatever this is.  

namjoon found the article in a magazine, skimming through the numerous cooking dishes and restaurant names. he got to the god-forsaken pages near the end of the magazine where usually there are relationship advice and horoscopes with love signals and cheesy romantic gifts ideas and—yoongi usually feels sick when he looks at those. this time however, namjoon stopped from closing the book, remaining stuck on the page as his eyes followed the words on high-speed. yoongi could see when a grin formed in the corner of his lips, and before he could ask why, namjoon slapped the magazine on the table and said, “okay hyung, this is what you need. a rented boyfriend.” 

yoongi genuinely thought he was joking, until namjoon started reading the whole damn paragraph about it. apparently it’s a quite known service for lonely people that got through a breakup, or inexperienced teenagers that pay someone to create some sort of rehearsal for their first date, first kiss, first whatever. and yoongi does not need this, he doesn’t even emphasize the mere idea of it. but he did sort of complain the past weeks, if not with words, definitely with actions. 

it’s hard as it is for him, having two friends that happen to be together, two people yoongi knows since he got into college, shared pain and tears with, bottles of alcohol and occasional cigarettes and spend the last four years watching them fell in love. for yoongi who isn’t big on the romance scheme, it was as gross as it was beautiful; it’s just that namjoon and jin have this, have  them  for over  four  years, really ,  and  yoongi  only has—himself, and occasional hook ups.  they noticed when  yoongi  is looking at them, at their interlocked hands or the way they stand one foot over the other while on a couch for a minute too long.  they noticed when at a restaurant, yoongi  would often gaze into their direction with the straw in his mouth and pad the edge of the table absently, or when he averts his eyes and messes on his phone when they kiss or do anything too sweet.  and  yoongi  won’t deny, deep down, the fact that he  wants  to have someone he can do all those things with.  

but the rented boyfriend business sounds too shady, even for min yoongi from daegu.  

“but you want to date now.” jin points out and yoongi raises his head only a bit to see him over his elbow. he’s grinning, and he has the stupid magazine in his hands, showing it to him. he can see a boy and a girl holding hands in a café, the boy offering a rose and the girl hiding her mouth behind her face. yoongi doesn’t like this.  

“i don’t like that,” he says as he waves absently at the pages. “if anyone comes to me with roses, i would shove them down his throat.” 

“what if he brings you tangerines?”  

“the point  is,”  yoongi huffs, rolling his eyes as he leans down on his back and scrunches his eyes tightly closed. “i don’t even think they have same sex options, and i am saving my money for the rent, i won’t waste it on this shit.” 

“your rent is the cheapest i’ve ever heard of, and it doesn’t even cost you a fortune. the whole point of it is to make you feel good and loved, it is fairly acceptable.” 

“it’s fake, that’s what it is.”  

namjoon sighs, ducking in to snatch the magazine from jin's hands to look over the pages again. yoongi wants to shout at how intent they seem on not giving up—they are good friends,  the best,  yoongi  would say, but moments like these makes him realize they might also be too much.  “it has a number we can call to, so maybe we can ask them?  i don’t see why they won’t have any though, it does say  love for everyone  in the title.”  

jin makes a wowing noise, already taking out his phone as he types in the contact. yoongi would try to protest harder if he didn’t knew it would be in vain anyways. jin gets up and leaves the room as the person on the other end replies, and yoongi can only hear the, “hello, is this love factory service—” before he’s gone. he just groans, slumping back with his head in between his legs and forcefully grabs at his temples. namjoon is saying something, slowly smacking his hand on his back, laughs and ruffles through the magazine again.  

yoongi just shuts everything down and prepares mentally for what is ought to be his biggest bad decision in his life.  

♡♡♡ 

he meets his  rented boyfriend  in a café.  it’s a bit on the cliché side, like he’s having his first date replaying all over again.  just that this time,  his date can’t even be called a blind one; he doesn’t know the guy personally, doesn’t know his face or name but the guy knows about  him.  so really, it just classifies as a  creepy date.   

jin gave all the information that was asked for: yoongi's name, his age, his preferences (sexually, because weirdly enough this is not tinder), and the guy that happened to take him as his next client knows all of this now. he knows how to spot yoongi from the crowd, knows how to refer to him and partially knows how to act. probably; he hasn’t met him yet, so the whole thing might be a failure—yoongi already thinks of it as a failure in any case. they aren’t apparently actors, the people that participate in this are just good with people, they know how to communicate and how to make the other feel better, feel like they know them for years and so they relieve some bouts of loneliness. yoongi isn’t good with people, so he knows it’s going to be a failure.  

it’s embarrassing enough how much effort it seems  he put in this.  he didn’t want to,  yoongi  objected to all this quite vocally, but  jin  was already deep in his closet, picking up the best outfits that would fit this  ‘event' ( why do you have so many fucking black clothes, are you going to a funeral every week ? ).  and namjoon had been in charge of advising, he told him to smile, or at least try to smile, told him to continue the conversation and let himself open up. he pays money for this anyway, so it might as well be nice. worse of all though, yoongi himself got hyped up in the middle of it. he spend a full hour in the morning trying to style his hair and pick his cologne, then his earrings and in the end settled for a few bracelets too, just a nice touch. it’s true he didn’t want this in the first place but now that it’s happening, he'd hate himself if he lets out a rather bad impression. this is not therapy, not really, so the guy might speak about this to his other friends, might laugh about how stiff and awkward yoongi is.  

just one day, he keeps repeating it in his head. one day of wasted money to feel the plug in his chest fill up, just for this one day.  

yoongi waits, he doesn’t blame it on the person, he got here earlier with half an hour. he doesn’t want the boy calling for him when he doesn’t even know how he’ll look like, and it’s strange either way, walking up to the table as if he is bare of everything; so yoongi came sooner. he plays on his phone, texts namjoon just to assure himself that he’s still mad and they won’t see him at their next party. he orders a coffee because he’s bored and nervous, though he doesn’t admit or dwell on that, and the coffee is finished in ten minutes anyways.  

after what feels like an agonising time in which his shirt got too tight for his own body and the chatter in the café seemed to raise the heat, yoongi turned his head at the cling of the door opening. all he can see is—red, a bush of strong, deep reddish dyed hair that poked out from a taller man. when the person behind moves, yoongi sees his profile and something about it makes him gawk. he has the strongest jawline he’s ever seen, deep and straight curving just in the right places. his lips are thin and rosy even from the distance, and traced into an easy and hype smile, his body is lean with muscle. then the boy turns around as if he’s looking for someone, his eyes lend on yoongi and remain stuck for a while. then, the man  beams,  raises his hand high to wave as he crosses the distance and yoongi keeps staring until the other is inches away from the table.  

the boy bows slightly, a soft shy gaze in his eyes as he looks into yoongi's again, almost asking for confirmation. “hello, are you min yoongi?” the boy asks and yoongi stops, looks him up and down before he nods and waits. “that’s great. i am jung   hoseok , your boyfriend for the day.”  he says,  smiles,  and gives his hand for yoongi to shake.  

and yoongi is—fucked.  

“so this is what i was supposed to expect from all  this.”  yoongi says in lieu of anything else better to respond with. he shakes hoseok's hand, his bigger than his own and feels how hoseok curls his fingertips in his wrist and presses tighter. there’s electricity going through his whole arm, and yoongi doesn’t know if this is a part of hoseok's scheme as a rented boyfriend, but it surely is a bit frightening.  

hoseok laughs again, so much joy and awe into it even at yoongi's flat and sarcastic tone.  fake,  as he would’ve expected. “am i not on the level of your expectations?”  

yoongi snorts, tips his head and prompts him to take his order. hoseok's tastes are weird, just like him in a way—strawberry cream with vanilla and coconut and extract syrup. it’s sweet, like an explosion of sugar and yoongi almost chokes only thinking about the flavours. he orders an iced americano and tries not to grimace at the difference. if his friends told him something numerous of times to make him feel better about this, that would be the fact that his boyfriend would know his preferences, would try to adapt to them. they were wrong. or maybe yoongi just had big expectations.  

“so how do we do this?” he asks after a small moment of silence. it wasn’t bad, hoseok was mixing the cream into his drink, humming softly with the same smile on his lips and yoongi was—pretty much staring, but it wasn’t  that  weird; they are in a weirder situation anyways. hoseok looked up from his mug, eyes settling in. they’re a warm and hazel shade of brown, brighter than yoongi's almost entirely black moons.  

“we pretend to know each other, i pretend to be your boyfriend, everything is on the choice, if we hold hands, kiss whatever, we can and you don’t have to feel constricted for asking. we’ll just try to act; just say stuff about yourself and we’ll go from that.” hoseok says. his eyes are pretty much dancing in front of him, and the words are spoken through his wide smile. it’s kind of hard for yoongi to focus, but he  tries,  is for one day and yoongi hasn’t been to a date—hasn’t spoken to a guy, not in this way for about seven months already. so he tries not to space out. it’s weird anyways. 

“so i just give you money to pleasure me however way i like and when i’m done, you leave?” 

hoseok snorts, the side of his smile turns into a soft grimace. he sticks his straw in his mouth and yoongi watches his lips parting and then closing around it, rosy and soft and— this is weird.  “this is not prostitution.” 

“sounds like it for me.” 

yoongi thinks about his cheap rent and his empty fridge. thinks about the books he has to buy from school and the debt he has to pay to one of his classmates after he once bought a joint out of pure desperation before the exams. he thinks about this, the fact that it really doesn’t cost much, but yoongi could’ve easily bought himself ramen, some lamb skewers and a cheap piece of beef. the first time be heard namjoon explaining all this, yoongi thought about prostitution, the fact that it’s all just the same thing wrapped up in a nicer name. hoseok shakes his head and lets the straw out with a pop before he looks back up again. “you didn’t wanted to do this, didn’t you?” 

“did you?” yoongi asks, because he can’t  not  know, not when  they are going to spend the whole day together pretending to actually  be  together. for all he knows, hoseok might’ve done this job for years. he might live off of it, might find a partner inevitably among his clients; yoongi doesn’t really know how it works, the rule for not dating your client seems ridiculous in this situation. still, maybe this is his first time too, maybe hoseok has annoying and pressing friends like his own that like to push his buttons too hard. something tells him it’s not his first time though.  

hoseok looks like he  really  knows  yoongi , like he knows him through mundane and  individual states, like he knows how  yoongi  is when he laughs or cries, how he feels like or tastes like.  he looks at him with a sort of fire in his eyes, still like a sunshine of deep hazel, dancing on his face.  he smiles so freely at him that  yoongi  can’t really help but smile a bit back,  his own presence feels so  right that it’s almost suspicious. either hoseok has been doing this for a good while or he’s just a great actor.  “i didn’t at first, but i need money to pay for my college,”  hoseok  starts to say. he leans his elbow on the table and sets his chin on his wrist, then looks  at him as he slides down. a smile plays on his lips and  yoongi  kind of already forgot what he was asking; “ but i  want to make people happy, so this job fits me i guess. plus, it pays quite well, not like  i’m bragging  about how much i make out  of— you,  it’s really not that much but it’s manageable.”  

yoongi nods, a bit distracted by the way hoseok's bulge in the neck moved up and down as he swallowed. he masked it by frowning, grabbing the mug to his mouth; and it tastes as bitter as he feels. “then...what now?”  

hoseok leaned a bit in his chair to look at him better, hand still around the milkshake mug. “so what’s your favourite colour?” it was a weird question, one yoongi wouldn’t even give to a first date. and yet hoseok was looking at him expectantly as if the answer to the question was the most intriguing thing he could wait for.  

yoongi snorted and took a full sip of his coffee, casting his eyes down on the table and feeling the other watching. strangely, it wasn’t as weird as before; somewhere along those minutes, hoseok managed to plug that bright smile in his brain and yoongi feels like he knew it from long before. “that’s a stupid question. i don’t know, red.” 

hoseok made a content sound, chair screeching as he leaned closer to the table. “mine is yellow. the colour of the sun and sunflowers, colour of happiness and new beginnings. when i see yellow i see hope, and that’s the one thing i think many people don’t have anymore, so i like to project some of mine onto the others. like this for example, you are here because you feel lonely or bored or curious, i am here because i want to help you relieve that feeling. i am here because i want to make you see yellow.” 

yoongi—blanked, his whole mind going on shut down because no one could ever be this explicit about why  yellow  is their favourite colour.  he stared up again at  hoseok , widening his eyes so much that he could feel them stretching and the other  grinned before he asked “so why red?” and  yoongi  couldn’t think of anything to clarify himself.  because while hoseok could associate yellow with so much,  yoongi  could only think about blood, or  tangerines even though they’re not really red.  he shrugged, averting his eyes before the staring would get any weirder than it was— “maybe because  i  like tangerines, though they’re not  really  red. and...it’s a deep shade i guess, it makes me think more or keeps me up. though that’s just me.” 

“not really, red does that to everyone, it’s an energetic colour. red and yellow....together we make orange. means joy, warmth, creativity, freedom,” he stopped, looking back over his shoulder as if something startled him. yoongi looked at the line of his profile and took another sip. “makes you hungry though.”  

yoongi doesn’t know how, but they got talking about much more other than colours. hoseok can’t afford to pay for his college , sort of like himself, he’s short on money and tries to limit all to the necessary.  this part-time job he has helps him gain enough  to satisfy himself— yoongi  does a part-time job himself but his is as a barista in a  starbucks , a  normal  kind of job. hoseok likes talking with people, communicating; he takes extra classes on human studies even though his main speciality is dancing. he likes old hip hop music and r&b, can’t really understand the modern trends and yoongi agrees with him on the fact. hoseok likes sweet things (if the bomb of sugar under his nose wasn’t enough to clarify that), while yoongi likes bitterness, or sweets that don’t feel too strong. hoseok likes dogs and his main dream after graduating is to adopt one. he talks so easily and with a smile so wide on his face that yoongi feels when he’s starting to relax, when he cracks a few smiles of his own that don’t seem as forced as the ones before.  

it’s just for one day, maybe they wouldn’t meet each other ever again, but yoongi likes—this. even though he would never admit it to his friends or even himself, hoseok does make him feel like he has someone.  

they set up rules; they won’t refer to each other as boyfriends or any other pet and nicknames, yoongi doesn’t like them anyway. they won’t kiss, maybe they can hold hands but not for long—he still doesn’t know hoseok even though it feels like he lived with him for years, but that’s not the point. the point is that yoongi isn’t comfortable being touched as a general basis, so hoseok drops the subject of  how much  pda. he smiles and tells him they’ll do anything yoongi wants, that the last thing hoseok wants is to make yoongi feel grossed out. (yoongi realizes that in any context, he wouldn’t feel grossed out with hoseok, never, but he doesn’t say that).  

after they finish their drinks and cakes, having talked for over one hour yoongi asks him how does it go on from  now.  hoseok hums, tilting his head to the side as he watches him. there’s a bit of cream on his top lip, his smile is reserved and small now as he takes yoongi in, his eyes move from his hair down. yoongi wonders if eyeing your client is normal for him, if it’s something he does with everyone, then— “what do you like to do? if there’s a place you like, we can go there.” 

he knows what hoseok tries to do, he wants to make yoongi relax, feel comfortable. he isn’t really tense for the moment, but yoongi does feel a bit out of place, so it’s logical he’d suggest they go somewhere where yoongi can loose up and be  himself.  yoongi thinks about it, weighting the few possibilities before he says, “let’s go to the aquarium.” 

the aquarium is the one place where yoongi truly feels like he can be himself; it’s just so much, the fish in the tanks, the water plants, the view, everything makes him glee just at the sight of it. he is passionate about marine life, which leaves no wonder he studies about them, had taken so many hours of marine biology and preserving that right now seeing a textbook makes him sick. still, yoongi likes this. he can spend the whole day in the aquarium and stare at the fish, at each tank in row with the same awe and curiosity.  

hoseok stays close to him and asks questions; apparently he’s not familiar with marine life, not as much as yoongi is in any case. hoseok asks about the clown fish and the squids, about the starfish and whales. yoongi tells him, at first he’s reserved with this too, only explaining the stuff hoseok wants to know, and later when they’re deep on the second floor, yoongi starts  talking.  he responds to  hoseok with the information, but immediately  constructs another, adds new characteristics that  hoseok  didn’t asked for.  the other doesn’t complain though—maybe he’s still too nice, still doing his job, but  yoongi  doesn’t  focus on that.  he skids through the aquarium, eyes wide at every individual  type of fish and soon, he begins tugging on hoseok's shirt to get him closer and tell him about the ones he  doesn’t  ask.  

“did you know,” yoongi starts, eyes glued on the pufferfish in front of them. hoseok burst out laughing when he saw one blowing up, spikes a bit out and body large as a bowling ball. he said they were cute, that hoseok had the intention to nudge them with a needle and see if they deflate like a balloon. “their flesh is one of the most poisonous around the whole world. one bite of wrongly cooked sushi and you paralyze. your organs stop working one after the other, but you are still conscious about what is happening to you, so you practically feel as you slowly die.”  

hoseok scrunched his nose and made a gagging sound, retreating from the glass. he took a hold of yoongi's shirt, tugging him to himself as they moved to the next tank; yoongi couldn’t keep his laugh in, the moment hoseok’s childish grin was washed off with a grimace he thought it was the best moment throughout the whole day. somehow, hoseok glows like sunshine even when he’s shaken.  

“can’t you tell me some cute trivia stuff, not about death? i know the oceans have creepy fish but i'd like to know about the less... sinister  aspects.” 

yoongi laughed, for the first time since this all begun and he felt hoseok twitch a bit to his side. the fingers around his shirt tightened a bit before they let go completely and yoongi couldn’t muster the courage to look up; he knows he’s finally in his own zone, he doesn’t need to see the smile he know hoseok wears now. so, yoongi clears his throat and looks around them, trying to find something that’ll satisfy hoseok too.  

“octopuses can see with their skin, or  sense  more like, but it’s more advanced than humans in any case. and their tentacles have individual control.” when he looked back he saw hoseok looking down at him, one quirked eyebrow and a deep grin that showed dimples.  

“didn’t thought this will get in the tentacles direction,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows as he made a few short gasping sounds and yoongi cursed, surging himself up on his toes to press his hand on hoseok's mouth and hush him. “just saying,” hoseok said still over yoongi's palm, the shape of his smile curved across his skin. it send a few chills down his arm and yoongi turned away before hoseok could see the half pink colour on his cheeks. “i'm not discriminating, everyone has their own fantasies.” 

“just shut up,” yoongi mumbled as he let go, choosing to walk in front without waiting for him. hoseok followed anyway, his laugh caring him as he stepped in pace with yoongi again.  

they keep walking for what feels like hours, yoongi getting more intrigued with every new fact he blurs out, and slowly he doesn’t even realize when him and hoseok seem—friends. two people that know each other for a long time and spend their days together. it doesn’t even feel forced anymore, even though from hoseok as much as he could tell it was never really  hard  to act the way he does.  in  yoongi's  case however, he starts leaning more towards him,  jokes back when  hoseok  says something about one of the fish they pass by.  he  walks with  hoseok  in silence too, both of them emerged by everything around and even that too is calming, it feels right.   

for more than once, their hands brush together. yoongi didn’t really pulled away, his arm was stiff by his side but when he walked, their knuckles met in the middle of the swing and stayed like that for a few seconds. when a woman tried to push herself pass yoongi to get access to a sideways room, yoongi’s whole body pressed on hoseok's, hands finally lined together. it shouldn’t have shocked him when hoseok turned his hand around and grabbed his hand, squeezed tightly on his fingers because that was hoseok's  job,  and yet— 

they didn’t let go for the rest of their walk. when they got out, yoongi looked down and saw their hands lazily held together and something inside him melted then broke, just a bit. he knew this wasn’t a good idea, and yet he didn’t tried to break his hand free, even with the rules he himself established. yoongi turned around to look up at hoseok, finding him looking back already and with a nudge of his head he said, “so should we go for a movie or...” he tried to be nonchalant about it, but hoseok beamed at him, mouthed the words  you’re finally yourself , you’re okay.  and yoongi just nodded and ducked his head so hoseok wouldn’t see the grin.  

there weren’t many movies to pick from, just a few comedies that yoongi refused to look at because  comedy is  stupid  and always predictable,  hoseok .  the same goes for action movies, all the good guys  defeat the bad guys; so what was left were two other movies, a horror and  a romance.  and  yoongi  isn’t fond of  that genre too, but  hoseok  is apparently , and  yoongi  doesn’t want to make this hard for  him.  even if he’s the main focus of the whole business, yoongi wants to make him enjoy it too, to seem like he’s out with a friend not on the job—and after the look of concern on his face as he eyes the horror movie poster, it’s not hard to choose which of the two would he like. 

he didn’t paid much attention to the movie itself, there weren’t a lot of people in the cinema, and the acting was a bit off for him. yoongi dug himself into his popcorn and soda, occasionally turning around to see if he can make out something from the shadows around him. he glanced towards hoseok too, a few good times even. the other didn’t sensed any of them, never caught him in the act; he was emerged by everything that was happening in the movie, mouth wide at the intense scenes and smile stretched at the cheesy ones. yoongi realizes then what kind of boyfriend hoseok would  really  be. he'd be the type to kiss in public places, to scoop an arm on the seat of his lover in a dark-lit cinema. the type that would do anything to make their partner happy, that would make them laugh for the whole day, hold hands and hug as they wait for the bus. he'd be the type that would give a part to himself to their lover and never take it back, no matter what happens, and yoongi doesn’t know his sexual orientation but it doesn’t really matter, not when they will never see again.  

at the end of the movie, the girl died. yoongi was already alert by the time he felt hoseok twitch next to him, and when he turned around and saw the tears he could barely hold in, yoongi pressed a hand on his forearm without thinking, shaking him up. hoseok looked down with a low grimace, his brows frowning slightly before he scoffed a quick laugh and turned away. yoongi looked at the screen to find the image of the girl shot and the guy hovering over, a mess of tears and dirt and blood on his face. he scrunched his nose; maybe it wouldn’t have been that bad to pick out one of the comedy ones—still. still, yoongi narrowed his eyes as he snatched his hand from his lap and gripped on hoseok's wrist. the other jolted under his fingertips, breath hitching a bit too loud, but his hand turned around again and yoongi squeezed, rubbed his thumb a bit over his knuckles. just one day.  

when they get out, hoseok takes a moment to wipe at his dry tears—there aren’t a lot, but yoongi doesn’t comment on any of it, it shows that he would be the sensitive type of guy. yoongi waits by the starbucks, arms folded as hoseok buys them some hotteok for the go and when he’s in ear-shot he says, “so what do you want to do now?” 

hoseok looked up at him before he could take a bite, eyes so wide yoongi thought for a moment he said something wrong. after a few seconds, hoseok directed the snack away as he looked at him oddly, one eyebrow raised and grin almost mocking on the side. yoongi was ready to snap at him when hoseok said, “this is a first for me.” 

“what do you mean?” yoongi asked, turning his head as he looked out the door. hoseok huffed as he finally took a bite himself, moving first to walk towards the exit.  

“i always let people choose where to go, nobody asked  me.  it feels more like a real date if we do that.” 

suddenly the thought of how many times had hoseok actually done this crossed his mind. he hadn’t asked, because he thought it would be weird, not understanding fully how all this thing works. he did say that he’s been in this line of work for about half an year, but it depends on  how  many people call for the services, and how many  ended up on his turn.  yoongi  knows humans are weird on concept, so he thinks  there've been quite a lot that  called for this,  and still the thought of being the first that asks  hoseok  if he wants to do something is rather—sad. he knows the people that ask for their services are drunk on the need for affection, but it doesn’t mean they should be selfish about it. still— “does it make you uncomfortable?” yoongi asks, truly. he sets his hand on hoseok's shoulder, figuring that the barrier of not touching had already been passed a lot of times. hoseok in response stands still, bones hard under his shirt before he relaxes into the touch and turns to him with a fleeting smile.  

“not at all, hyung. are you sure there’s nowhere you’d like to go first?” 

“outside isn’t my main thing, i prefer staying in with blinds shut. i like cafés too but we’ve done that, and the aquarium.” yoongi said, shrugged and traced his hand down on his forearm, just a feather touch before he let go completely and hid it in his pocket.  

and hoseok laughed, again, and then he said, “i really like the gallery.”  

yoongi looked at him, smiled and nodded for him to lead the way. the art gallery wasn’t a place yoongi goes to often; he doesn’t really understand the art, even though some works he finds outstandingly beautiful. there are portraits and sceneries that seem ripped from the nature, as if the author cut the photo from a magazine and glued it on the canvas. there are also abstracted works, portraits with humans that have a nose for the mouth and ears for the eyes, some paintings that yoongi swears they’ll hunt his nightmares worse than a horror movie. but hoseok likes it.  

he finds him stuck in front of a replica for a large painting, one with ocean and storm, yoongi can see a small boat in front of the incoming wave and feels chills running down. hoseok catches him staring and grips his elbow to bring him flush to himself as they look at it together; closer, with no white wall barrier it feels like he’s sucked into the water and yoongi—as much as he likes marine life—doesn’t want to have anything to do with the underwater itself.  

hoseok whispers, “the ninth wave. it’s named after a metaphor too, the ninth wave is always the biggest one after the other eight, the one that ends everything. this was his last painting too, he was a russian called ivan something, i can’t remember russian names. if you think about it it was kind of like a foreshadowing.”  

“what happened with  tell me cute stuff?  that doesn’t sound nice at all.” 

“paintings aren’t always nice, hyung. i mean, most of them hide struggles and terror and sadness, but that’s the beauty in it.” he shrugs, going down from the painting they stand by. yoongi follows; “it might not seem like  me,  but if you get to know me better you’ll see why i like these. and really who doesn’t likes a bit of art?”  

yoongi doesn’t answer, still stuck on the way hoseok said that if he’ll get to know him better, he’ll understand because it sounded like he  wants  yoongi  to.  he presses his nails down in his pockets, scrunches his teeth to make himself focus and thinks—this is for one day; so it won’t hurt to try and get  to  really  understand  hoseok .  he knows the trivial things,  distant friends type of information, and if it’s for  one day,  at least  yoongi  deserves to  know;  hoseok  is supposed to be his  boyfriend  anyway.  

so in the end, he says, “who’s your favourite painter?”  

and hoseok beams, his whole face turns a bright shade of rosy pink; “van gogh. did you know there was a rumour that he was eating yellow paint to make himself happier? he never did that obviously, but isn’t it weird, thinking a colour could make you feel something that nothing else makes you feel? all his paintings are bright and some show a bit of madness but he uses yellow a lot. to try and hide the sadness beneath.” hoseok goes on, smiling wide as he keeps talking about van gogh and rembrandt and monet and so many others yoongi doesn’t remember their names. it’s no wonder the other knows so much about colours. he blatantly thinks if it’s the same case for hoseok, if the need to brighten other people is to mask his own sorrow, but hoseok is so bright, so happy when he talks that yoongi finds it almost impossible.  

he can see some sort of aura around him, a pale and vibrant ray that illuminates his whole face. hoseok's smile is wide and heart shaped and yellow, almost, resonating so much happiness that yoongi is almost blinded by it. after the gallery, they walk to a small restaurant and eat; hoseok keeps talking about paintings, yoongi talks about shrimps and seahorses. they both find the balance for everything, they start talking about their friends and families (yoongi tells him all about jin and namjoon's plan and hoseok laughs saying jimin and taehyung have sort of the same energy). before they know it, minutes pass into hours and it’s already pass ten pm when yoongi realizes they should go separate ways.  

they walk together to the bus station, this time in silence, and yoongi hates it, for the first time. their hands brush once or twice but no one grips them together; they’re not doing it anymore, so there’s no need for extra pda. when hoseok says he’s staying just a few streets down, yoongi smiles back at him again, a bit too forced and false, but it doesn’t matter anymore. hoseok bows and winks at him, but before he could turn around, yoongi grabs on his shirt and tugs a tiny bit; he’s worried whether the other would look annoyed, but hoseok looked at him as if he’s been expecting that, as if he’s eager for what yoongi will say next.  

only that yoongi says, “thanks for today. i really hated the idea of it but you made it worth it and i thank you for that, really. i hope you’ll take care of yourself and keep dreaming big.” and hoseok looked down at him with something yoongi couldn’t classify other than disappointment. 

he cleared his throat rapidly, shaking his head and looking at yoongi again with the same smile as if nothing had happened. (it happened, yoongi sees it in his eyes, though he doesn’t really know  what  he sees), and then hoseok pulls a hand between them only to retreat it immediately and surge forward, catching yoongi's shirt from his back as he hugged him tight. yoongi could feel muscles on him; it wasn’t visible under his hoodie, but apparently hoseok has a bit of a strong body mass, his chest is firm and warm under yoongi's ears, and his arms flex around yoongi's shoulders like hooks. he’s a dancer, so it shouldn’t be surprising, and still yoongi can’t help but want to explore more, to touch more.  

hoseok pulls away, his fingers caressing quickly on yoongi's chin and then—he was gone.  

yoongi controls his heart back to normal, biting the inside of his cheek as he tries to wash the feeling of hoseok’s muscles around him and waits for the bus. it was a one day thing.  

this was a bad decision. 

♡♡♡ 

telling his friends about  the thing  was harder than he anticipated. for once, yoongi was the first to break the ice, starting the conversation before either of them could say anything with “it was legitimately the worst day of my life but he was nice so i’ll let it pass.” yoongi didn’t stop talking after that, and jin was the one that most of the time encountered him to say more.  

yoongi talked about the aquarium walk, the movie and the art gallery, about how they held hands for a few moments and yoongi had the feeling that it was right; he even talked about all the light he could see in hoseok's smile alone. by the time he was three hours deep in talking, namjoon said “i told you this will make you feel better, you just needed someone that knows how to projectile affection on  you.”  

and jin said, “min yoongi is in love,” but that doesn’t matter, and he  isn’t.  hoseok is a great guy and  yoongi  likes him, he enjoyed his company for the whole day more than he enjoyed others with which he spends most of his time with. but it was a one day thing, and  frankly  yoongi  doesn’t even know, hypothetically speaking  if he'll ever get the chance to meet him again — if  hoseok  likes boys.  he asked him once if there is a rule, if everyone  working this job has to be or act like they’re comfortable with both genders.  hoseok  didn’t really responded; he said that  he personally doesn’t mind as long as he doesn’t actually  date his clients. it’s just a one day thing.  

yoongi curses jin and concludes by saying it was a bad idea anyway; he  was  relieved that day, and the day after but two days  after, the effect washed away.  he could feel the coldness in his skin and the absence of  something,  he missed the laughing sounds and the breathing that was always close to his ears. he wouldn’t call it sadness, but yoongi was a bit frustrated over the fact that the tiniest things like making coffee reminded him of hoseok because who in their right mind drinks milk with honey in the mornings?  

he  doesn’t  miss him, and he tries to repeat that to himself until he’ll get the grin hoseok threw at him during the day out of his head. it lasted a few weeks, to completely forget and get back into normal, and after three months, yoongi was even on the peak of his word—he had finals incoming, he studies overnight and takes short naps during the day. he doesn’t go out much, and the blinds in his room are shut for the whole period of time, he can’t even tell day from night anymore. he’s frustrated and has so much information that he thinks his brain will explode and then—he passes the exams with flashing lights.  

he goes out in what feels like a decade with jin and namjoon—namjoon is taking up his master, he has even more stress than yoongi had, but he knows he'll do just fine. they celebrate, drink, get drunk, go home and yoongi tries to smoke himself on cigarettes to dull the sound of his friends having sex. it’s not really a party they’re proud of, but in the next morning half of it is forgotten anyway. yoongi goes home the next day, and the first thing he sees on his door is a note from his landlord. yoongi takes it out from where it hangs by the doorknob and reads the lines, squeezing his eyes to focus because the light on his corridor has been dead for a week now. he’s used to it, it’s normal, what is  not  however is the fact that the rent increases.  

yoongi stares at the paper in his hands, twisting the ends as he reads it over and over—the rest  increases.  it’s not really much, but it is considering that he needs money now more than ever. he can’t spend it on a rent in an apartment that is minutes away from collapsing.  

so, yoongi searches new places. namjoon helps, trying to balance yoongi's resources and wealth so the rent wouldn’t cover his daily expenses, especially when he needs to look for a job, but is harder after he studied marine biology but all the jobs he found were related to diving and yoongi doesn't do that. he still has his part-time at the café, now switched into a full time schedule because yoongi needs money, and he thinks he’ll be stuck in the same café for at least a few more years.  

namjoon finds a place not far from their own apartment, not really cheap but in a better place than where yoongi lived before. he explains to him that there are shared dorms, for people that want to pay as a double, but yoongi is a bit reluctant having to share his house with a roommate he doesn’t know anything about. he doesn’t do well with people, he’s awkward and temperamental and most of the others don’t know how to approach him—if he chooses to live with another human he might end up making it all a mess. still, yoongi doesn’t really spend a lot of time out of his own room, and during the days he’s away for work; the other probably is still in college, that’s why the cheap rent and need to split the money. it isn’t a bad idea overall, but it still itches when he thinks about it.  

after two days yoongi takes another job in a bar that’s even closer to the apartment complex namjoon had showed to him. he needs to find means to gather money faster and move in a place him own, then channel his forces on finding a job, but for now yoongi works full day in a starbucks and one, two shifts in a night bar. it could’ve gone worse than this. and with the additional job, yoongi realizes he might be home only for five to seven hours, half a day in the weekends. it might be perfect, he might not cross his roommate for more than necessarily and that’s exactly what yoongi needs; so he calls the landlord and requests an apartment. 

the landlord is nice, she explains to him the main rules of the building which aren’t many—no dogs or cats or birds, no loud music after 11pm, ring her only if it’s  extremely  important .  then, she shows him around the apartment he’ll take; it’s a really spacious place, considering it has two bedrooms and two small bathrooms attached to each. she says that the  houses are designed this way to feel like you are a neighbour with your own roommate.  there’s a large hall  that travels up from the open living room - kitchen area, the doors to the bedrooms  placed one in front of the other.  yoongi  likes it, it feels like they could live with each other and seem like they’re not, in a strange way.  “so the  person knows  i’m  moving in, right?”  yoongi  asks as he looks through the cabinets.  they  are filled up and organized, really feels like someone is still living in here; he feels a bit like a creep for looking but this is going to be  his  home too anyways.  

the landlord nods and takes out a few papers from her bag; “yeah, he knows. he’s really excited too, but he’s still a student so you won’t see much of him during the day.” 

yoongi frowns and relents himself from saying  good.  instead, he says, “me too, i work the whole day and a few hours at night.” 

“then i shouldn’t be worried that you two will disturb the peace and quiet on this floor,” she sighs, and yoongi signs the documents, pays the first part of his rent and goes to work.  

when he gets home, his things (a few anyways) having been moved in by his friends as he covered his lost hours, working extra, the roommate still isn’t home. yoongi thinks about the fact that he’s a student, that merely months ago he was too, and he knows some like to party their nights away. he wasn’t like that, but maybe this guy is, and it’s good as long as he doesn’t came drunk home or with girls under his shoulders like they’re trophies. he settles the kettle on and starts making himself some ramen, choosing not to wait until the other is getting home to make their introduction more formal-like. they are living together from now, there’s no need to act like that, so yoongi makes himself at home. he puts his ramen in one of the guy’s bowls, takes it on the couch as he opens the tv and searches through the programs. it’s pass 9 when he thinks the other skipped their first night together and dodged yoongi for spending the time at a friend’s house, or a night club. he remembers the lady saying that he was excited to meet him, but maybe he’d also like to give him a bit of privacy, to get familiar with the place. yoongi would really appreciate that.  

and yet, just as he finishes his ramen and leans to tuck himself comfortable in the couch, he hears the lock turning. yoongi lowers the volume on the tv show he’s ended up watching and slowly turns around when the doorknob is pushed—first he sees black hair, a hand going around the door as he pushes it back in and then prompts himself on his forearm as he takes his shoes off. it seems like the other person doesn’t even know that yoongi is in the house, so he clears his throat quickly to make him aware of it. the boy stills for a moment before yoongi hears a surprised sound and the boy says, “damn i totally forgot that from today i’ll have a roommate—” and yoongi knows who he is. he  knows who he is.   

hoseok turns on his heels and sees the shock on yoongi's face, stops mid-sentence and freezes in place. he still has his hands around the jacket, prying it open but they’re stoned in their place; hoseok looks back and his eyes are wide, mouth parted so low he can see his tongue inside. yoongi blinks, pushes himself from the couch and stands up, watching as hoseok follows his every move. “what the fuck?” he whispers, than says it louder so they both can hear. hoseok seems to loosen up from the momentarily shock he was in and instead—laughs. and all that week when yoongi tried to make his laugh disappear came crushing down on him.  

“did you knew about this hyung? did you miss me?” hoseok jokingly asks, winking down at him. yoongi groans and runs a hand through his hair before he loudly proclaims that, “no i had no fucking idea you were living here. why would i even miss you?” 

“don’t hurt my feelings, hyung.” hoseok pouts, skimming one hand over his chest, then his whole face lightens up with glee as he takes yoongi by the wrist and pulls him in the couch, starts asking question after question and—yoongi can’t help but scoff his own laughter out.  

but this time it’s nothing like the last time they’ve seen each other. yoongi refers from anything that involves longer contact, his answers are short and to the point; hoseok tries to get something more out of him but he gives up after numerous fails, and still his smile doesn’t flatter. maybe that’s what annoys yoongi the most, not the situation, not the fact that he lives and shares a whole house with the person he once dated for fun, but the fact that hoseok was so content with all this that it almost hurts. when it’s nearing midnight, yoongi tells him that he must go for work, he tells him that his shift in the club starts at half past midnight and being his first week, he can’t afford to be late. hoseok insists he goes with him, but yoongi firmly refuses; the club isn’t exclusive, but they have strippers and enough clients to keep yoongi's hands busy the whole night, so if hoseok wants a bit of fun he can go but not if he’ll keep talking with him. hoseok huffs, prompts his leg a bit harsher in the floor, but in the end he agrees with him. yoongi tells him not to wait for him, he’s going to be working in the shift for over three hours; and then he leaves with a short and curt  goodbye.  

he can’t think of anything else the whole time, every time another person asks for a shot he can hear hoseok's voice in his ear, his laughter and when he looks at the light around the glasses, he remembers the sun in hoseok's eyes. it’s a long night, and that’s an understatement. 

♡♡♡ 

“so are you telling me,” jin clarifies again, one hand around the bottle of soda he was drinking, eyes wide and large towards him. “that the person you went out on a date for the fun is now your roommate?” 

“house mate" yoongi grumbles under his breath, nails tugging at the wrapper around his snacks.  

“same thing,” jin says instead, and yoongi squeezes his hand so hard that some of the candy flies on the floor.  

he knows it’s weird, the whole situation is, and yoongi regrets now more than ever that he agreed with them to go on that  date.  hoseok  is a nice guy though, but  yoongi  knew that already, he knows he’s  more  than nice. he doesn’t bring up the day and yoongi is thankful for that, he asks yoongi how was his day, asks if they should have ramen or pasta or should they order something instead. he tells him about himself, when he sees that making yoongi talk doesn’t work, and even though yoongi groans and makes the show of rolling his eyes and pushing his head on the back of the couch, he listens. hoseok tells him about his dance practices, his friends, his other classes—sometimes he sneaks in a few words about another planned date but yoongi realizes it’s a mistake when hoseok stops mid-sentence and clears his throat. he wonders if he does that with everybody, if he ever mentioned yoongi to someone too and brought the conversation further.  

but they don’t talk about that and yoongi doesn’t want to be remembered of it; he wants to make the best he can to forget and leave his life as hoseok's roommate on normal levels.  

“this is so fucking awkward,” yoongi groans again, cupping his head in his hands and pressing  hard.  namjoon reaches out to smooth the back of his neck, the friction making him a little more tense than he was. he can hear jin scuff somewhere in the room; 

“hey, it’s not,” namjoon reassures him, stopping the friction to instead pat him on his back. “i'm sure hoseok doesn’t have a grudge against you, why would he? and he’s probably been doing this for quite a while, so i really think there’s been  more  awkward moments than this one. just—act nice and make friends.” 

yoongi is trying. he’s been trying to for the last week, but it’s hard when all he can think about whether he sees hoseok are his moon eyes and the muscles tout around his body.  

♡♡♡ 

it’s around 8 in the morning when yoongi wakes up. he has work at 10, so yoongi rolls around in his bed to get enough hype to start his day—he takes a long shower, glad that the house has separate bathrooms, he dresses himself in oversized clothes and goes out, tiptoes his way in front of hoseok's room before he gets in the kitchen. he sets up the coffee machine and heats the stove for omelette when he hears a soft groan in his back. yoongi turns around, squints his eyes in the relative darkness and there it was, a large bulge that picks just a bit over the couch, legs hanging by the side. yoongi narrows his eyes as he gets closer to it and sees hoseok fast asleep on his back, the laptop raising with his breathing on his stomach.  

yoongi can’t really keep his grin off his face; he thinks about waking him up but one look down and he just—can’t. hoseok looks so peaceful like this, his features relaxed and pretty and still, his jawline is as deep and sharp as yoongi knows it to be. he lets out soft puffs of air and he looks so calm that yoongi can’t even disturb one hair from his face. so, he lets him sleep. 

it doesn’t last for long though, yoongi finishes to cook his breakfast so he switches on to the coffee machine, and the thing about this particular coffee machine is that it’s old or—broken, or somewhere in between. it makes a sharp and rigging sound when he sets it on and yoongi is ready to plug it out so he doesn’t make much noise. but he needs the coffee, so instead he presses his palm above the lid from where the streams came from and the force dulls the sounds, just a bit, sounding as if they’re muffled whisperings.  

still, he can hear the startled groan hoseok makes when he eases the pressure to check again. he looks over his shoulder to see the other raising up, placing the laptop on the table. hoseok rubs his hand on his face and makes a sloppy sound when he smacks his lips that reaches over to him too. at first it feels like the other is still in the dream, his head turning swallowing to the sides as if he tries to catch the noise. and finally, when hoseok turns his head his way, he wipes at his eyes and opens them wide; his cheeks are a soft shade of pink and yoongi likes the black colour of his hair more than the red he realizes. it makes him look older, firmer but sharper too.  

“yoongi?” hoseok asks in a sleepy voice and yoongi has to turn around so he doesn’t observe the blush on his own cheeks. hoseok's voice is low and husk in the mornings, and that wasn’t really an information yoongi needed—but he takes it anyway; he likes hoseok's voice. he can hear the other moving in the room, feet slowly and heavily dragging behind as he keeps his balance. he told him a few nights before that he’s going to have an exam on psychology later in the week, but yoongi didn’t knew hoseok was this invested in his studies. sure, he never doubted him, he is a smart kid, but hoseok gives off more party-boy vibes than anything else.  

hoseok tells him he doesn’t really do parties unless he knows the majority and if there’s  good  alcohol, not teenagers fooling around. he doesn’t want a stomach sickness on top of the headache in the next morning, and yoongi respects that; he’s been there and it’s not pretty. yoongi turns off the machine and pours some of the coffee in his mug, the rest for hoseok (it doesn’t matter he put more for the other, he needs it anyway). he turns around and puts both mugs on the counter, hoseok leaning in already for his own with grabby fingers. “what do you want for breakfast? i’ll make it.” yoongi says. 

hoseok sips at his drink, lets the burn of it on his throat before he sets it down again and lets out a thinking sound, a low slur of murmurings. slowly, he says, “i can make it myself, thank you,” and the smile he gives is so sleep-taken that yoongi wonders if he’s talking with him or  in  his dream.  

yoongi shakes his head nonetheless, grips the mug tight to take a long gulp and says, “i paid you once to make nice things to me, so you can’t refuse this offer i'm giving to you. at least i don’t ask  you  for money.” it's only after he said it that he realizes  what he did.  they haven’t talked about  the day  since they saw each other again, and coming out like a blur, like something irrelevant from him even seems a little bit wrong. the thing is, yoongi never talked about it, but he never stopped thinking, not since the first night.  

he holds his breath as hoseok looks at him, still a bit dazed, still with glossy eyes and yoongi hopes he's too deep in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard. hoseok stares and then he leans his arms on the table, scoops down down until his chin is aligned on his wrists and smiles. he says something over the skin of his palm, fluttering his eyelashes at yoongi and the other kind of chokes, for the moment. it goes quickly when hoseok yawns, with all full mouth and teeth, and when he comes back to he grumbles, “pancakes then.”  

yoongi narrows his eyes, heart still a bit rapidly beating, but he turns away from him and starts cooking. his coffee is cold by the time he is done, but yoongi realizes he doesn’t really care anymore. 

♡♡♡ 

yoongi is reading when hoseok comes home with someone else.  

he’s startled by the fast rumbling of keys on the front door, he stays still as he hears it shut down locked and then someone bumping into it with force, the thudding sounds never stopping, getting louder and closer. at first he thought it was a burglar—a really stupid one at that, but just as he prepares himself to jump from his bed and run directly into it, he hears hoseok's voice. more like; something that  sounds  like hoseok, a low groan that has the fathom of his voice in it, and yoongi understands.  

the door to hoseok's room is shut down and locked, too, he can hear the rustles even from his bed, can hear muffled noises and sharp gasps. blatantly he wonders if the person is another client, if they asked for this and hoseok is willing to make up for their wish.  this is not prostitution,  hoseok said the first time he met him; and still, this doesn’t sounds like he’s right.  

maybe it’s not, maybe yoongi is thinking too deep and dirty; maybe hoseok has a lover and this is them  now,  they are drunk and high and horny and  they’re  there.  yoongi  holds  his breath as he tries to get to listen more and  clearer; he can hear the  snatches of the bed—they're rather old and make loud popping sounds when you sit on them too suddenly. and maybe  yoongi  wonders what would’ve happened if  this  were  them  on that night, what if he asked  hoseok  for more of his time and it was  him  thrown on the bed not whoever it is.  

yoongi curls his nails in the pages of his book and listens; he can hear hoseok groaning low and breathy, a few busts of laughter here and there that die too quickly. after a while, the person in his bedroom moans loudly, the noise startling him and yoongi realizes then that it’s a girl—hoseok has a  girl  in his bed, not a boy.  yoongi  hears himself cursing as he digs himself more in the covers; he  could  put on his headphones, tune down the sounds but he  doesn’t, he  wants  to hear. hoseok is going hard at it by the sound of it and yoongi likes to close his eyes and imagine it, hoseok over him, bed rutting on the wall and groans in his ear. he hears the girl laugh, hoseok laughs right after and they both stop short as the thrusts get louder.  

yoongi feels sick. 

♡♡♡ 

they go out after hoseok finishes his classes. yoongi has his free day, and as much as he wanted to spend it inside and sulk alone (until hoseok comes back), the other texted him and begged for a full hour to go at the bakery together.  

yoongi waited for him in the campus on one of the benches, shadow covering him whole and unnerving noise around him but when hoseok jumped in his face and took his hands in his own it all came down to—hoseok's hands, and the sun in his eyes. they went to the bakery that sells pancakes, a few streets down from their house. hoseok orders another drink with sugar bomb and yoongi sticks with a simple and bitter latte. the other has been talking on no end since they left, occasionally looking up at yoongi, stopping to assure himself he’s listening and then smiling so warmly that yoongi's heart melt, just a tiny bit. he doesn’t let down the fact that they look like a fucking couple—even the pancakes their waitress brought to them are all stuffed on one plate and have strawberries on the side cut in heart shapes. he was the only one that realized that—hoseok only beamed and laughed at how  cute  this is, while yoongi tries to cover up the flush on his cheeks with the sleeves of his sweater.  

as he looks at hoseok talking about his sociology teacher and her fixation with  memento  mori ,  yoongi  wonders why is he in this place.  why him and not  her.  it’s been three days since and  yoongi  couldn’t find the courage to bring it up; the girl was gone the next morning, no trace amiss from her existence , and anyways it would’ve seem too personal to bug in hoseok's life.  they’re just roommates,  friends,  it doesn’t matter, hoseok can bring whoever he wants just like yoongi can too. it doesn’t stop from slightly hurting though.  

“why aren’t you with your girlfriend?” yoongi blurs out. he doesn’t really catches himself saying it before it’s out already, and he realizes it only after hoseok stops abruptly and snaps his head back so fast that yoongi can gear the sprain in his neck. hoseok frowns and tilts his head as if he said some sort of nonsense—which kind of was. the back of his neck feels sweaty and yoongi shakes his head as he dips down for a large bite. 

“i don’t have a girlfriend, yoongi-hyung.” hoseok says.  

yoongi looks up then and he quirks up one of his eyebrows, letting the slice down on dry throat. “so that girl was just another client then?” he watches when hoseok's eyes blown wide awake, mouth hanging open in a soft and round circle. maybe it was too much to say, but yoongi feel on the rabbit hole anyway. he could see the red starting to spread on hoseok's face, his mouth starting mouthing words in chase of finding something to say. in the end, hoseok settled for— 

“i thought you were working that night.”  

yoongi doesn’t tell him about the fact that all his shifts for the week had been covered by a trainee. he also doesn’t say how he couldn’t stop himself from listening in and how he couldn’t even sleep the whole night. instead, yoongi clears his throat and shows him a smile (it feels painful on the corners of his mouth and by the twitch in hoseok's eyes he knows it looks fake) and says, “you don’t have to stay with me because we are friends, go out with her. i am not trying to make fun of you, a person like you needs someone. so find the person that can handle all your... this,  all of yourself.”  

hoseok still looks at him funny, his throat bobs when he shallows. yoongi hopes that’s the moment hoseok would  maybe  object, but instead all he says is— “you mean it?”  

yoongi hums and nods at him. then, he digs his fork in the pancake and deliberately looks away from anywhere near hoseok’s presence.  

hoseok keeps going to dates. some of them are for work, but he doesn’t talk about those with yoongi; and anyways yoongi realizes when those  dates  are supposed to happen.  hoseok  gets a call the night before and he notes the few characteristics on a sheet of paper, he  practises them until he memorises it and then it feels like he’s a total different character.  in those moments,  yoongi  realizes that  hoseok  was really  himself  when he was with yoongi.  

but apart from those kind of dates, hoseok goes out with jieun too. yoongi met the girl too, she’s cute and sweet and funny, somehow like hoseok, but with less brightness and light and it doesn’t make yoongi's heart race. hoseok is happy when he’s with her, he smiles brighter than yoongi had seen him smile, he talks with her in hushed voices and makes her blush, he stares in her eyes until yoongi feels the need to get out of the room and run away.  

hoseok likes jieun, he talks about her a lot when it’s just the two of them; somehow all the other conversations about school and dance practices and sociology teaches blurred down to this only, hoseok and jieun. and yoongi listens. he does because even though he feels a stung in his chest, he can see hoseok's large and dreamy eyes, the moons and sun in them and the stretch of his mouth when he loses focus and just  smiles.  and he likes hoseok like that, happy and maybe just a bit in love, but it’s distracting when every other time when jieun is missing, hoseok is all over him instead.  

like, when yoongi cooks, sometimes preparing extra food because he feels anxious, hoseok sneaks up from behind and wraps his arms around him tight, puts his head on his shoulder and swings yoongi's hips to the sides. or like when they’re watching tv together on the couch and hoseok hooks their ankles and yoongi looses himself somewhere on the way so he leans down to get pressed on his side. in those moments hoseok curls his arm around his waist and helps him curl in as best as he possibly can, with no way out or to feel the tiniest cold. yoongi falls asleep like that most of the time. or, when yoongi comes home tired after a day when the shift for night follows immediately the one at starbucks and he gets home more dead than alive. hoseok stays up those times even though it’s past three in the morning, he gives him a hot tea and tucks him to bed; yoongi hates how pliant and dizzy he feels, like hoseok can take him up in the air if he so wants to. he likes it too.  

it’s just that, all these and many more don’t add up in yoongi's head. he gets the urge to tell hoseok that he’s not a client anymore, that he can’t just do all that and expect it seems like it’s  nothing.  hoseok grew up to be yoongi's friend, and he ended up being really fucking clingy;  yoongi  doesn’t complain because he  likes  it, but that’s not the point. hoseok is his friend and yoongi's heart skips when he thinks about him but it doesn’t matter. 

♡♡♡ 

“so you mean you fell in love with hoseok, the guy you’ve already dated once.” namjoon wants to clarify as he watches him over his magazine. yoongi doesn’t look in his direction; ever since that day he’s a bit terrified of the image of namjoon with a magazine in his hands.  

instead, yoongi shoves noodles in his mouth and says, “no, that’s not what i  mean.”  

“sounds like it.” jin says from his chair, back turned to them as he watches another rerun of his favourite show. yoongi stares at the back of his head before he averts his eyes and groans inwardly.  

“he has a girlfriend,” he says as he remembers just why he’s not home right now—hoseok told him he’d call jieun over for the evening, with a stretched and excited smile. yoongi smiled back and told him he has to meet someone else too, he gave the first excuse he could think of to get out of the house before she comes. he doesn’t want to go back the whole night, only knowing that he might find them doing it again, having taken their advantage to good use. one time was enough, even though hoseok's breathy sounds carry his wet dreams even months after. “he isn’t even gay.” 

“how do you know? he takes boys too; maybe he’s bi.” namjoon suffices, turning the page as he eyes him carefully.  

yoongi scuffs and pushes his bowl on the table. he crosses his arms and leans hard on the couch, shutting his eyes to block anything else; “it’s his  job,  and he’s too kind to everyone to refuse. he doesn’t kiss boys.” 

“maybe he does.” jin says again, when yoongi cracks his eyes open towards him he sees that he’s watching them from the corner of his eyes, a shit-eating grin on his face. “maybe he kisses other boys, he just didn’t kiss  you.”  

yoongi stares blankly at him, the corners of his mouth turning upside down. “is that supposed to make me feel better?”  

none of them responded, and yoongi was left alone to curse silently before he snatched his bowl and washed it in the sink. his mind travels back involuntarily to hoseok and jieun, to the house yoongi knows so well and hoseok’s room that is just a mirror of his own. he thinks about his rosy and thin lips and his sharp moon eyes—it’s not going to be an easy night.  

♡♡♡ 

hoseok and jieun had been together for over four months now. every time he talks about her, hoseok has sparkles in his eyes and they shine so bright that yoongi can’t look away. every new story he tells about them, yoongi watches as the fond look in his eyes gets warmer and softer. he watches hoseok rapidly falling in love and it still hurts but yoongi would take this, especially when it makes hoseok so happy just sharing.  

yoongi holds it all in and laughs with hoseok when he tells him how he thinks jieun would like to spend their next date by the beach. and then, one night hoseok bursts out in the house, he slams the door so hard that it rattles in his wake and yoongi jumps from where he’s sitting on the couch. he turns away fast only to see hoseok with an angry face—he never saw that emotion on hoseok’s face, but now that he sees it, yoongi is halfway terrified.  

he walks towards him with careful steps, hoseok takes out his shoes in a rush and throws the backpack wherever it lands, he curses under his breath a chart of  fuck  and  shit,  and yoongi doesn’t really knows what to do. he gets there, manages to stand in front of him as he says his name in a tentative voice, but when he sees the fresh stream of tears on hoseok’s cheeks, all his movements are precise and firm. he says hoseok’s name louder and then raises on his toes to cup his face in his hands. hoseok stops and looks down at him as if he couldn’t remember yoongi lives here too, his face stills and for a moment it constructs in such a way that yoongi thought he's going to burst out in tears harder than he is now.  

“what’s wrong?” yoongi asked, and when hoseok didn’t answer, shaking his head and hiccup as he tried to muffle his whimper— “what is it, seok-ah?” it lasted just then, hoseok shivered at the nickname, he closed his eyes so tight that yoongi couldn’t tell them from the rest of his face. hoseok is shaking from head to toe and yoongi wants to hug him close, to make sure he’s not cold anymore the same way hoseok does to him.  

before anything else though, hoseok pulls himself out of his hold. he looks down at him with glossy red and angry eyes and bats him away. “nothing,” he snaps, though it clearly is not.  

later the same night, yoongi finds hoseok curled in the couch, knees so close to his chin that he looks like a round ball. yoongi touches his ankles gently, pushing enough not to startle him; he’s not sleeping, the tears are dry on his cheeks and his eyes are still red, but at least he’s not like  that.  his features are so tight and downturned that it sends chills down his spine. yoongi manages to smile as warmly as he could, hanging him a mug of hot chocolate. hoseok looked down at it, his nose moving as the smell finally hit him, and the grimace on his mouth turned sheepishly into a grin. he looked back in his eyes before hoseok made a quick huff and straightened himself, yoongi climbing in the space created, feet under his weight as he kept a reasonable distance.  

hoseok was looking at him from time to time, slurping from his hot chocolate and trimming his fingers on the mug. just before yoongi could fall asleep, hoseok blurred out, “we broke up.” 

yoongi anticipated it from the moment he saw hoseok came in. still, he places a warm and reassuring hand around his ankle, squeezed tightly at the bone and ignored the flutter he felt at the skin on skin contact. “wanna talk about it?” he asked.  

hoseok relaxed as he sighed once, long and deep. he looked in the distance before he could focus back on yoongi, his eyes darker than yoongi ever remembered seeing. he looked at him as if he was angry  at  yoongi, as if he was the reason behind all this. hoseok liked his lips where a bit of cream remained stained on, then he snapped his head to the side and rasped a loud “no.” 

and still, he doesn’t get away from yoongi's space. hoseok tugs after him when yoongi takes the mug from his hands and washes it, he goes in yoongi's bathroom instead of his own to brush his teeth because  his  toothbrush  is  missing . when time comes and yoongi gets ready for bed,  he spots hoseok lingering by his door, head down and mouth still deeply shaped in the same angry grimace. yoongi doesn’t take it enough and instead he tells him, “you can sleep in my room of you want.” 

hoseok stares up at him and blinks hard, the corners of his lips twitching. “are you sure?”  

“i said so. it’s big enough for the both of us, don’t worry.” yoongi smiles and hoseok stares a bit more, a bit dumbfounded before his whole face lightens up and he skips into the room, closing the door behind.  

hoseok is tucked under yoongi's blankets, a few inches away because really, the bed isn’t  that  spacious, even with someone thin enough like him.  he watches as hoseok’s breathing quickens a few times as if he remembers something powerful and  intense, then drops to a shallow haze when he drifts back into sleep.  yoongi  can’t do much other than watching as hoseok’s black hair covers  his eyes as he sleeps and his mouth stands open for every inhale and exhale and huff of breath.  he can’t  not  look, especially when this is probably the last time he’ll ever see it again.  

slowly, a bit reluctantly, hoseok snuggles closer. yoongi sees the whole scene, how hoseok’s nose scrunches and from the back of his mouth came out a wet moan. yoongi stood stiff at the sound of it even when hoseok hid his whole face into yoongi's chest and slumped his arm around his waist. hoseok is clingy, and it doesn’t matter. he can see the black hair ruffling on his shirt, feel it touching the edge of his chin. he feels hot and warm, something yoongi realizes he never really felt before; hoseok makes a content groan and his fingers tighten where they’re squeezed around his shirt and he barely keeps himself from knocking his legs in the bed at the excitement.  

yoongi slowly hooks his own arms around hoseok, pulling him even closer and covering his legs with his own. when he’s certain that hoseok is fast asleep, yoongi places a chaste and open-mouthed kiss on his forehead. hoseok makes another low moan, curls his arm so tight that yoongi can feel every muscle pressing on his skin.  

hoseok is clingy and single, yoongi is in love but it doesn’t matter. not  really.  they both don’t let go the whole night, hoseok breathes steadily in his ear and yoongi doesn’t even sleep. 

it happens more than once after the first night. it feels almost like hoseok got a taste out of it, he keeps seeking for yoongi's bed, for the right side of it that somehow is now his side of bed. yoongi doesn’t really know when it happened, just that hoseok climbed the next night on his side and said his bed is too dirty and he’s too tired to change the sheets. and yoongi then stared at him as if he tried to find the lie in what he said, trying to see if hoseok would give up in the end, but when the other looked back with that same sweet smile of his yoongi just shrugged and climbed in himself.  

they don’t hug each other in the sleep, even though some mornings yoongi wakes up with half of hoseok on top of him, or the other’s legs trapping him in place in a crushing squeeze. he too wakes up in the same ways sometimes; when he puts his hands around hoseok’s waist and hides his head in the crock of his shoulder. hoseok woke up first one day when yoongi did that and instead of staying still and prying his arms away, yoongi felt his fingertips brushing down on his back, warm and shivering.  

it happens on more occasions and every time hoseok throws out another lie—or more like, another  excuse.  his sheets are dirty, his room is too cold after his thermostat had broken, he sees weird shapes on the walls and hears strange noises in his closet. yoongi accepts all and nods absently as he moves a bit to let more space for the other to crawl onto. after many weeks that yoongi doesn’t even bother counting, hoseok starts going in his bed without any follow-up line at all. it became some sort of a routine, they both go in their own bathroom before, but came back in yoongi's room. hoseok started moving a few clothes in his closet too, there are so many different colours now, bright ones added to yoongi's dull ones that yoongi doesn’t even know where is the separate line between them anymore. he got used to waking up with the view of hoseok’s face in front of his eyes so it’s probably not that bad.  

one night after yoongi comes home from his shift at the bar, he walks in his room to find hoseok curled up in his bed, blankets so high up that only the top of his head is visible. yoongi stopped at the threshold, looking down; it’s not that it’s something new anymore, but it never happened in the nights when yoongi is missing, when he doesn’t nod to approve hoseok in. yoongi shallows hard and feels the grin on his face, thinks that this is so normal for them that it doesn’t even need asking. as he slowly walks towards the bathroom, yoongi halts at the head of the bed and looks down at hoseok deeply fast asleep. he runs his hand through his black hair and smoothens the edge of his temple. taking a short and quick breath, yoongi leans down and lets his lips press on the back of his neck, lingering a bit as he feels the skin there and the tremor his own mouth makes as they connect.  

in the morning, yoongi wakes up before the other. he paces around the room for a clean shirt and while he goes through the rows of his plain ones, yoongi finds one of hoseok’s tucked in the pile of his own clothes. is oversized and yellow with a big and colourful print of the word  kisses on the front. yoongi has seen hoseok wearing this and he knows that he looks even softer with it on, like he slumps in its warmth. without much more thinking, yoongi throws it over himself and goes out to make his coffee for the day.  

hoseok doesn’t spend much in the bed after him; it always goes like this for the both of them, always getting out half an hour at the very least after the other goes up. it’s almost as if something feels wrong, like the warmth in their bones is suddenly sucked out of them—yoongi should know, it’s how it feels for him. he hears hoseok stumbling out from their room (he refers to it like that when he thinks about it, or when he talks to his friends about the new routine they both engaged in. namjoon said is a reaction to his brake-up, jin called it denial of romantic and sexual feelings. yoongi just calls it the escape he has for a good sleep). he starts talking even from there, saying something about the water being cold this morning, but he suddenly stops when he gets in the living room.  

yoongi turns around at him, raising an eyebrow as he waits for the other to go on talking but—hoseok is in the middle of the room, his eyes scanning his torso with such intensity that it doesn’t even look like he’s just woken up. yoongi looks down expecting to see a stain mark that might’ve ruined hoseok’s shirt, he looks back up and hoseok is staring at  him, eyes so dark that yoongi stops breathing for a few seconds. the other licks at his lips, the tongue darting out at the corner and yoongi remains focussed on the shape of his mouth, the rosy and flush shade of red.  

“is that my shirt?” hoseok asks even though it’s an obvious answer. his voice is low but it’s not the same sleepy tone yoongi is used to; this time there’s something more, something that edges on arousal and his brain kind of stutters.  

yoongi looks down as if he just remembered he’s wearing it, looks back up and clears his throat. “yeah. i thought that after all this time you’ve changed your sleeping place you’ve taken quite a lot from me and my resources. so i took one of your shirts, it’s just fair like that, if we are to share our things.” 

yoongi knows it’s not really fair—hoseok sleeps in his bed but he doesn’t dress in yoongi's clothes, they wouldn’t fit him anyway, at how muscular he is. he also knows this might skip a few boundaries to their relationship, might seem like something else, something  more, but hoseok doesn’t like him like that so it doesn’t matter.  

he told him if he doesn’t like it, he can always ask yoongi to drop the habit, but hoseok shakes his head forcefully, a bit of dark blush still on his cheeks as he tells him that he can do whatever he wants. yoongi likes the way hoseok’s clothes feel on his skin and the way they smell, sweet and deep and sugary; so he doesn’t drop the habit. and quickly, it becomes another routine of their own. 

♡♡♡ 

“it’s your turn, pick the movie!” hoseok says as he jumps next to yoongi on the couch with two full bowls of snacks in his hands. it’s another thing they have, the movie nights every friday; yoongi doesn’t go to the bar because his colleague takes the full shift, so they choose to have  this  as a way to spend their time together.  it usually goes clockwise every time, after one picks the movie one night the other picks the movie in the next one, except for when one of them  really  can’t wait to see a particular one.  

yoongi grins at him as hoseok gives his own share of snacks and while the other is busy fussing with his soda can, yoongi picks the first horror movie on the screen, one with a rating of high quality and chilling dark scenes. yoongi remembers even from their first time they met on their date that hoseok hates horror movies and everything that includes monsters and ghosts and creepy stuff in general. so he makes himself comfortable and smiles when hoseok asks what he picked before the intro starts.  

it doesn’t take long for him to realize what type of movie it is. the settling is all sombre and dark, and when the ghost makes it’s appearance, hoseok shouts and jumps in his place, snacks flying on their couch and floor. yoongi laughs at his response, his own heart beating a bit faster but it’s  this  why he choose the movie. “why the fuck did you picked this movie, yoongi-ah!” hoseok yells at him as he secures the bowl in his hands as tight as he can like if it’ll block his heart from bursting out.  

yoongi hums and shrugs his shoulder as he takes a candy in his mouth and rolls it around his tongue. “i read it was good.” 

“good here means scary.”   

“the paint being? are you scared of a movie, hoseok-ah?” yoongi grins up at him and he knows it makes the other more infuriated than anything else, but it helps so hoseok doesn’t have to look now that they’re staring. he huffs after a while and lets the bowl down on the table as he brings his knees up instead and hugs them close. yoongi swiftly looks down at the flexed biceps before he averts his eyes back on the tv.  

half an hour later, it all gets intense. the scary scenes are no joke, yoongi concludes, it gets him startled too even though not as much as hoseok, the other screams or whimpers or makes some sort of guttural sounds that are close to crying. every new character gets killed more gruesomely every time and slowly yoongi starts to regret choosing it. hoseok moves at his side, always uncertain whether to keep himself curled in or lay down, but when the ghost appears again and the girl onscreen has a knife at her throat, hoseok switches the place entirely and instead clings to yoongi so hard the other is almost knocked out on the floor. hoseok hides his head behind his back, his leg goes wrapped around yoongi's waist and he stands just like  that,  pressed so close yoongi can feel every individual shiver in his own bones.  

hoseok doesn’t let go, he still watches from over yoongi's shoulder, but now it’s accentuated by every whimper that meets his ear directly. yoongi doesn’t like it, it makes him feel bad for choosing the movie and doing this to him. he knows already that hoseok would pay him back the next week, but for now—yoongi turns a bit away so he can hook his chin on top of his hair and wrap his arms around hoseok. he pulls him in and tight, rubbing circles over his hoodie as he feels hoseok relax in his arms, his breathing getting slower and calmer on the back of his neck. it’s not that scary anymore, they have barely twenty more minute to watch, and it is an important part of the movie, but yoongi shifts his head so it’s hidden in hoseok’s hair instead and ignores the sharp breath the other takes.  

“sorry,” he whispers so low that it’s almost covered up by a man’s yell, but hoseok still jerks after he says it. he hears him swallowing once, twice on dry throat before hoseok curls his fingers in yoongi's own hoodie —his hoodie—and tightens his arms around him so much that it hurts to breathe.  

yoongi doesn’t remember how the movie ended, and the next day he wakes up toppled over by hoseok’s weight over him, his head in the crock of his neck and fingers that skipped under his shirt and touch bare skin. it’s the best position he could ever wake up into. 

♡♡♡ 

hyung,  are u home?  i forgot to take the chicken breasts out from the refrigerator can you do it for me?  don’t cook them yet, i wanna try a cool thing i saw on tumblr  :))  

yoongi rolls around from where he’s sitting on the floor to turn the phone on and read the message. he’s drunk, not  really  drunk but enough to see everything in a blur and  make his head spin.  he got home earlier today and found a full bottle of wine, and he  hadn’t drunk in a long while, his day wasn’t the  best  of days, he messed up some of the orders and a costumer yelled at him when his order that was already large and difficult enough took too long to make. yoongi was exhausted and he wanted to relieve a bit of the stress, but then he started thinking about how hard it is for him to find a job he’ll really enjoy, then about warmth and sweet voices, about hands on his skin and rosy lips on his ears. he lost a bit of control after that, and now yoongi stares at the name on his screen and he frowns when all he can think of is— 

where are you ?  

it doesn’t take long for hoseok to respond, the phone vibrates at the incoming message and yoongi struggles to get himself on the couch to hang on the phone better.  

at the dance practise.  i'm almost done, won’t be more than an hour before i get home.  

hurry up.  

he doesn’t think much of what hoseok texted before, all he can see is that he wrote  home;  home as in the house where they live in, where  yoongi  lives too.  they never referred to it like that even if it  is via text, and something in his belly turns upside down and  burns.  

ah, is something wrong hyung ?  do u feel unwell?  

yeah just fucking,,  

miss you  

....oh  

yoongi clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair, wipes the edges of sweat and bites so hard on his lip that it draws blood. he’s drunk and wasted and just a bit horny and hoseok is here—hoseok, the person he resisted too long from falling in love with. he doesn’t think anymore, all thoughts thrown out as he lashes on the keypad and starts typing. he can’t even comprehend what he writes, all the things unsaid and the ones yoongi would’ve never wished he’d said—it all comes down to this and yoongi feels his cheeks heating up the more he thinks about hoseok at his dance practice, covered in sweat and breathing hard and— fuck.   

hobi   i miss you so much,  i don’t,  

i can’t, i feel loney please come back.   

okay uh, it’s okay  hyung ,  i'm at practice right now but i can get there in a few minutes, just wait.  

yeah, plea,  

i like when you dance, you’re so talented.  make all those spins and moves so good,  i love it.  

like when you’re all sweaty and  waste,d  and so good, you look tooo good wtf .  

i want u home pls ,  wanna touch you feel you god fuck me.  

god, fuck .  yoongi .  

seok -ah please  

i'm coming home now.  

hoseok doesn’t respond after that even when yoongi texts him more, then as his conscience kicks in, he reads over the messages still in a hazy state and sends apologies, asks hoseok to forget this ever happened, to spare yoongi enough as he tries and drinks enough water until he’s sober again. and still yoongi doesn’t move from his couch; he’s inevitably horny and his arousal strikes him harder the more he thinks about hoseok and that hoseok would come  home  any moment now.  yoongi  curses as he lets his phone slip from his fingers and instead curls them on the cushions, keeping them away from his  sensitive area because he  knows  once he does anything more, yoongi would just become a complete mess. and hoseok would burst right in on him and—he doesn’t need that, not when it’ll be so obvious who he’s thinking about.  

yoongi bites on his already split lip and licks it clean so it doesn’t hurt as much; he trims his nails on the underside of the couch and waits until he stops feeling all  this  but it’s not that simple.  he feels his breathing coming in quicker, edging on desperation as the image of hoseok comes to mind, all slick and wet hair and puffy, harsh breath, muscles flex under his dancing clothes and cheeks red with extortion.  he thinks how hoseok’s arms feel around him, how they would  feel when he presses him  down  and his whole weight shifts when he gets over him. how would  hoseok  look when he pants and pounds over him, how would that short and breathy laugh sound when he’s so close that  yoongi  can taste—he wants  to taste him, wants to feel every shape of hoseok’s mouth on his own, feel all the individual flavours.  

he crosses his knees as he feels himself grow hotter, chest heaving so much that it feels like it’ll burst out in flames, and then yoongi raises his hips and goes down on them slowly, lets the pulse of his cock follow the move. it hits the edge of the couch, it’s hard and flat but still something and yoongi needs  more,  so he  pulls himself up a bit  higher  before he sinks down  hard  and he groans at the friction.  he  keeps the move steady, grinding harder and quicker on the couch as his groans shift easily into high-pitched moans and it feels so good that  he can let himself drift into thinking that  he’s not imagining—he really is riding on hoseok’s cock, feels him deep and languid and  wet ,  feels him fully sucked in.  

he can’t really hear the lock when hoseok opens the door, but as the other shuts it down a bit more forcefully that necessarily, yoongi startles out of his daze and stops grinding. he turns over his shoulders and at the look hoseok gives him, he lets out an uncontrolled whimper. hoseok really has a few dripples of sweat on his forehead and neck, he breathes hard and fast but it’s not from dancing; it almost looks like he run all the way here. he looks yoongi down, breathing shallower as his eyes shift to the same darker colour he saw only a very few times before. yoongi takes in a long and quiet inhale and starts rolling his hips lazily as he keeps eye contact as intense as he can; hoseok seems to stare back just as hard and it makes his stomach flip, heat going up over his face.  

hoseok takes a harsh breath and blinks down hard; “what are you doing?” he asks, sees the slight raising in yoongi's hips. he sounds breathless and dark, sending shivers all over yoongi's skin.  

he whimpers as he hears him talk and before he can control it, yoongi grinds down hard again, a moan clear and unmasked rushing out. “fuck,” yoongi curses and turns fast away to slid off the couch and stumble on his shaky legs. he feels hoseok watching, staring at the back of his neck; “nothing, i'll just—go to my room.” he manages to say. he’s close to his door, just a few more steps but hoseok catches him on his way, curls his fingers so tight around his arm that yoongi hisses and jerks away.  

the movement makes both of them stumble over each other, yoongi getting pinned on the wall and hoseok hovering just a bit over him; their breaths are so close that yoongi sees them mix together. he looks up, tries to find the other’s eyes on him and closer they’re even more darker, clouded by lust and arousal and something more he can’t really tell. he slides his eyes back down, pins them on hoseok’s parted lips and his hips move a bit on their own accord, feels how his insides leak.  

“ yoongi ,”  hoseok  says and it’s enough for him to look back up.  they’re too close, and  yoongi  is too drunk for this;  hoseok’s tongue moves out and presses on his bottom lip and it’s  too  much. he fists his hand in the front of hoseok’s shirt and tugs down hard until hoseok leans at his level; he raises up on his toes and the smack is sudden and painful but their lips meet. it’s hard and it doesn’t feel much like a kiss; his lips are wet and sloppy and they taste of alcohol and hoseok’s are almost dry and chipped but yoongi presses in anyway. he bites on his lip, making hoseok’s push just that much closer and yoongi closes his eyes as he lets this sink in, lets hoseok move his tongue around his flesh and dig inside.  

hoseok’s hands are pliant by his sides, sliding low on the wall as he traps yoongi's waist, but when he gives his hips a sharp thrust and opens his mouth a bit more to let hoseok in deeper, the hands come gripping tight and crushing. he feels his own spine touching hoseok’s fingertips, feels how the other messages down over his hipbones and then up over his hoodie, reaching searching fingers on his chest. yoongi makes another wet sound and drops his head on the wall with a hard thud. hoseok moves his lips then, pressing them in a column over his neck, all teeth and tongue and then he skids his mouth over his collarbones, sucking the skin so hard yoongi can already feel the bruises.  

yoongi wiggles his hips a bit more, raises them as high as he can hook them around one of hoseok’s legs and grind down on it. at first it wasn’t much, but then hoseok moved closer to nip at his earlobe, chests touching and the edge of his pants brushed on yoongi's stomach. he could feel the erection on his hipbone, strong and flush and throbbing even through his pants and yoongi broke free, his hips thrusting up in frustration as he gripped hard on hoseok’s hair and brought him back over his lips. it was as crushing as before, nothing about this was sweet and soft the way yoongi thought it’ll be; hoseok gasps in his mouth and then comes down harder than before. yoongi’s whimpers shut his movements as he feels hoseok move his body for himself, raising it over his thigh, curving his spine so he can feel even the highest part of his back under his fingertips.  

he pulls apart a bit as he groans at the sensations, at  everything  and then yoongi presses the pad of his hand on hoseok’s bare stomach and the other makes a guttural, low sound that breaks off the spell. yoongi moves away blinking hard, sees the pink and darkening marks on hoseok’s skin and everything comes crushing down on him. hoseok holds him up when he wiggles away, says his name in a rush of short breaths but yoongi just pushes him aside harder than he needed; he caught hoseok’s eyes when he struggled to open his door from where he was and yoongi closed his eyes tightly at the hurt look over them.  

the whole night yoongi was aware of hoseok’s marks over his body. he could feel his teeth and lips going up on his neck, could feel his hands pressing in so hard that it makes his blood boil and clog. yoongi doesn’t sleep; he can’t even sit in his bed, knowing that usually there’s hoseok too, spread on the right side and heating up the mattress. he locked the door even though it might’ve been too much, hoseok doesn’t deserve all this security, but yoongi is scared—he doesn’t want him tapping at his door and apologise, doesn’t want to hear hoseok telling him they should forget about this. if he could, yoongi would erase all those minutes from both of their brains, but it doesn’t work like that. now, hoseok knows yoongi likes him, he knows yoongi thinks about him like  that,  and all yoongi can think of is that he must find another home.  

when morning comes, yoongi can feel the tired and black pangs hanging under his eyes. he turns the lock to his door silently and moves out of the room before he knocks on hoseok’s door. when he retreats his hand he sees the rough teeth marks on his fingers and cringes as he curls them under his palm. he waits a few more minutes before he gets enough courage and opens the door enough to poke his nose in, but as soon as he does he realizes that hoseok isn’t even  there.  the bed is unmade and messy, his whole room seems like it’s been through a storm. yoongi’s heart races when he realizes it must be his fault that it’s like this; he quickly walks in the living room, tries hoseok’s bathroom door but it doesn’t lead to anything. hoseok isn’t at home, yoongi is lonely and his thoughts are running wild, knocking on each other.  

yoongi sits down on the couch and brings his hands around his head, and then he feels himself getting more nauseous.  

♡♡♡ 

“so you kissed him and now he’s— gone?”  jin  asks after  yoongi  gets it all out.  is hard to explain everything,  hard for him to talk about how  hoseok felt against him and how hurt he looked when  yoongi  finally looked at him.  they understand though, they’ve always did, even from before when  yoongi  talked about how infuriating  hoseok  is and they mocked him about how his eyes sparkle when he merely  thinks  about the other.  

he stopped blaming all this on that one day a long time ago. it would’ve been impossible for yoongi to view hoseok in any other way than  this  considering any of their previous interactions; but at least then they were playing the dating part, they were seen as a couple. and now— “yeah, i don’t know. i fucked up.” 

“did you talked with him?” namjoon asks. he’s hunching over yoongi's space, ready to jump in if he breaks down again. he won’t though, he cried enough on their couch as it is, his eyes are red and puffy and a bit sore.  

yoongi snorts, “i can’t say like...i don’t even know  what  to say god, he must be disgusted and scared and—” 

“hey,” jin interrupts loudly, his hand pressing down on his shoulder. “stop it. he kissed you back, it can’t be that bad. just try and talk to him.” 

“jin is right, he’ll understand. and even if he might not feel the same, he’d still understand.” yoongi looked up from where he was hanging his head, looking namjoon in the eyes. he  knows  he fucked up, but they’re right, he can’t run from this forever, even though hoseok already did it before him. at the end, they’ll still meet under the same roof, still see each other at today’s dinner and yoongi can’t avoid it forever. he groans and pinches the tip of his nose before he leans down and curls around himself on the couch. as he tries to think and reformulate his excuses, yoongi falls asleep and wakes up with hoseok’s taste on his tongue and his ghost of fingers through his hair.  

going home is harder than he thought it would be, yoongi drags his legs and huffs harder the closer he gets, and once he’s in front of the apartment building, his breath is cut out completely. when he turns the lock he hopes he’ll be alone, at least enough to make him prepare before hoseok gets home from school, but the smell of homemade pizza hits him instead and yoongi closes his eyes as he waits for hoseok to greet him. he doesn’t though, and yoongi notes it as a bad sign.  

when he gets in the living room he sees hoseok by the counter, turned halfway towards him and looking at yoongi a bit expectant, a bit of flour caught in his hair. yoongi looks there before he clears his throat and comes closer, edging his elbows on the counter close to where hoseok’s hands stand. he doesn’t like the silence; it’s always deadly silent before the storm. “hi,” he says, keeping his eyes down.  

hoseok’s fingers curl and relax on the desk, skin pale with lingering flour and then hoseok makes a gesture with his wrist for yoongi to come around and follow. he turns around and yoongi stares at his back before he makes his legs move, reaching closer tentatively behind hoseok’s shoulder. “i don’t know if it’s great, i found the recipe online and it has a lot of chicken breasts, you like them right? it’s pizza so it  must  be alright—”  

“ hoseok ,”  yoongi  said.  it’s clear that the other wants to avert the tension and it hurts,  yoongi  had build himself up all day to say he’s sorry and  that  he’ll move if it makes the other uncomfortable to be around him anymore,  but  not for  this. hoseok’s voice is light as it always is but it doesn’t help;  yoongi  of all people knows how good of an actor he is.  so,  yoongi   clears his throat again and pokes  hoseok  in his back to make him turn around; he doesn’t look in his eyes , keeps them firmly on the pizza  and says,  “i  wanted to say that  i'm  sorry.  a bout the other day,  i  shouldn’t—it was  wrong   of me to do that and,” 

“ wrong?”  hoseok suddenly asks and yoongi breaks off when he hears how hurt that sounds too. he looks up and hoseok has his mouth open, his eyes wide and staring his down—his cheeks are red and yoongi can feel the heat on his own skin. hoseok licks his lip flush and looks at yoongi strong enough that it makes him shiver. “i have to say i was actually a bit disappointed when you broke off the kiss so suddenly. i liked the feeling of it.” 

yoongi—chokes, his breathing getting quicker when he realizes what hoseok just said. he could feel the blood going up up over his neck, reaching the side of his temples, his hands trembled. “what do you mean?” 

hoseok huffed a short laugh, a fond one not mocking, not rude or dismissive. he wasn’t angry,  and  yoongi  could see then the  stars in his eyes and finally the blush on his face made more sense;  “i don’t know,” he confessed, “but i mean,  i wanted it. and i know you were drunk and in need but— i  like you.  so it wasn’t anything  i  didn’t  wanted myself. sorry, i must’ve misunderstood then i...if you—” 

“wait,” yoongi stopped him and his hands grabbed loosely around hoseok’s shirt. he made the short move to get them off but hoseok was quicker as he gripped on his wrists and held them up, the contact sending off bouts of electricity. he nodded for yoongi to go on and the other swallowed dryly before he could even remember what he was going to say— “you, i mean. do you mean it? you really like me? as in, like  like  me?” 

something dark shifted in hoseok’s vision before he looked down at his lips. yoongi looked down at his own and from there, they both moved in. it was slower and languid, not like the first time. now, yoongi could feel hoseok’s heart shaped lips and press his own so carefully that they become one. now hoseok holds his wrists in his hands and rubs his thumbs over his skin as he directs his head this way and that, placing down open-mouthed kisses that make yoongi squirm and ask for more, for closer. slowly, hoseok lets his tongue out, skimming it over his bottom lip and yoongi shuddered as he gave him access, as he moved just as slow and searching that it made his knees weak.  

yoongi raised his hands over his shoulders, letting hoseok to move his own hands lower, to wrap around his waist and grip just tighter, enough to make this all feel real. yoongi moves back to take air, goes down over hoseok’s lips harder with more intent and their teeth clash; hoseok hisses at the slight pain and the movement makes him bit on yoongi’s bottom lip. he gasps after, darts his tongue over hoseok’s own and groans when hoseok suddenly tightens his hold on his hips. the other pushes himself from the counter, his hands going around the back of yoongi's thighs as he turns them around and hikes him on the table top. yoongi breaks the kiss enough to look in his eyes, to make sure it’s all still real and  now; hoseok stares back a bit hazed, eyes dark and deep. he moves his hands over yoongi's front thighs, curving them around his knees and then moving back up on the same trace over his hipbones, digs his nails hard at the skin there and makes yoongi loll his head back with another hiss. he feels his lips on his neck, teeth scraping the skin and nipping where yoongi's most sensitive.  

“fuck, yoongi,” hoseok says and he groans at how  good  he sounds, how the vibrations of  hoseok’s voice touch the underside of his skin. “you taste so good,  god—”  he says, and yoongi matches it with a roll of his hips over hoseok’s own. their cocks brush together over clothed skin, both of them hissing at the contact and making their movements still.  

yoongi scoops his arm around hoseok, fisting his fingers deep in his hair and he pulls the other in so he can whisper hotly in his ear; “are you sure you want to eat now?” 

hoseok laughs and it’s the same as he remembers that night, a breathy and short and low sound but it’s different somehow; more sincere. hoseok breaks away enough to wrap his arms around yoongi's waist and pull him up, guiding his legs to hook around his body. yoongi laughs breathlessly in his neck, presses himself so close that he can feel his whole body on him, all his muscles over his skin and it’s everything so hot and wet that he can barely think anymore.  

“i wanna eat you out,” hoseok says just as he’s about to open yoongi's door and yoongi stops breathing. 

♡♡♡ 

in the morning yoongi wakes up after hoseok. he stays in the other’s arms, skin flush and marked and still a bit sore. when he blinks sleep away he sees hoseok’s chest, raising slowly and steadily in tandem with his own, he feels hoseok lightly moving his hand up and down his back, breath huffed in his hair.  

yoongi struggles to look up, catches hoseok’s open and wide eyes and sees the sun in them.  

“you do know that i am not your client still, right?” yoongi asks and moves up his hand to grip at hoseok’s cheek and squish it out. hoseok made a pained noise but laughed in the middle of it, ducking down so he can press his lips on yoongi's.  

“i won’t have any client aside from you from now on, yoongi-ah,” he says, and then presses another chase kiss followed by another deeper one.  

yoongi smiled into the kiss, rolling around and tugging hoseok over him and when the other punched his chest with his elbow yoongi laughed, and laughed and everything looked like so much— yellow.