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Phil loves Halloween.
Maybe it’s because he secretly enjoys the thrill of being scared, maybe it’s because he loves books by Stephen King and movies by Wes Craven, but Halloween is one of his favorite holidays. And Halloween is the one holiday with the best parties. Because yeah, Christmas is great and birthdays are fun, but Halloween is on a whole different level entirely.
This year in particular, however, he knows that Halloween going to be a really amazing. During the day is Summer in the City, which is one of his favorite YouTube gatherings, and then at night is a YouTuber Halloween gathering he’s been invited to. He’s so excited; he’s been to Summer in the City before and he’s been to a few Halloween parties in his time, but this year Dan is coming with him.
And the only thing Phil loves more than Halloween, is Dan Howell.
Phil smiles widely to himself when he thinks about Dan, and he must this he looks like a proper weirdo to the rest of the people on the train, but he doesn’t care. In the short time that he’s known him, Dan is already one of the most important people in Phil’s life and one of his favorite people as well. It’s no secret that they’ve become best friends already, but there’s something more there. Because Phil’s never had a best friend who gives him good night kisses and goodbye kisses and ‘just because’ kisses. Or a best friend who makes his heart feel like it’s doing flips in his chest. Or a best friend who makes him feel the way that Dan makes him feel, and he doesn’t know what to call it because neither of them have put a label on it yet but it’s obvious that there are lingering feelings between them and maybe in due time they’ll figure it out but for now, Phil’s content with just having Dan in his life regardless of labels.
When he finally arrives to London, he finds Dan sitting on a bench at the train stations, two caramel macchiatos sitting next to him and a rather large duffle bag by his feet, which Phil assumes is holding his costume for later tonight. His stomach flips a little at the thought of seeing Dan in his Halloween costume, mostly because the younger boy refused to tell him what he was going to be dressing up as in order to make it a surprise.
“Hey, you,” Phil says with a smile, catching Dan’s attention.
The younger boy looks up from his phone and instantly smiles. “Hey!” he gets up and throws his arms around Phil. “I’ve missed you!”
Phil chuckles a bit, returning the hug and giving Dan a tight squeeze. “You just saw me a few days ago,” he reminds him. “I’m surprised you’re not already sick of me.”
“Never,” Dan insists.
“Well in that case, I’ve missed you too,” Phil tells him, and he gives him a brief peck to the cheek, making a mental note that the two of them are going to need to share a proper kiss later in the day because Phil’s lips are already desperate for Dan’s. Dan’s like a drug, Phil always finds himself absolutely craving him, and when they’re together he can’t stop his hands from shaking and when they’re apart he can’t stop thinking about him. He’s addicted to Dan Howell.
And he’s never felt this way about anyone else before.
* * *
Summer in the City starts their day off, and even though he tries to play it cool and nonchalant, Phil can tell how excited Dan is to be here. He can see it in the way his eyes light up whenever a youtuber he recognizes walks past them and he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t the cutest thing he’s ever seen. And he just wants to grab Dan and kiss him because he’s so fucking cute, but he controls himself. Because he’ll have Dan all to himself in due time and for now, he doesn’t mind sharing him with the other youtubers who come up to strike a conversation with him.
Despite the fact that Dan’s posted his first YouTube video already - and guest starred in one of Phil’s as well - he isn’t quite on the same level as some of the other youtubers here (not that there’s a hierarchy or anything), and Phil gets the vibe that he feels a bit like an outsider; like a fan that got in backstage and doesn’t know exactly what to do. He secretly grabs his hand and gives it a comforting squeeze, “Don’t be so nervous,” he tells him. “Everyone here loves you.”
“Phil,” is all Dan says, shaking his head in disbelief.
Then Phil adds, “Not as much as I do though.”
Dan’s face flushes red. “You’re so lame,” he says, trying to hide the fact that he looks like a tomato wearing a wig and fuck, Phil just wants to kiss him so badly.
Dan does start to relax a bit more after this, though everybody vlogging the event does have him a bit on edge and he can’t help but to hide behind Phil whenever he spots somebody filming. But he’s definitely started to open up more, no longer afraid to talk to people and engage them in conversation. It makes Phil happy to see that he’s having such a good time because all he wanted today was for Dan to be happy.
When Dan’s happy, he’s happy.
As the sun sets and the day events of Summer in the City draw to a close, the YouTubers start preparing for the gathering. A lot of them start donning their costumes, putting make up on their faces and changing out of their day clothes, others take it upon themselves to get alcohol for the evening. Dan and Phil sneak away and take refuge in a bathroom to ready themselves for tonight - and to have a bit of privacy for the first time all day. It’s weird, Phil thinks, that the two of them have this mutual agreement to keep their relationship (or lack thereof, seeing as they aren’t official) on the down low but at the same time it’s not very weird; for one, the two of them are naturally very private people and don’t see the need for the entire YouTube community to know how them being together. Public relationships are often very messy in more ways than one, and neither of them want to have to deal with that kind of drama. And aside from all of that, Dan’s just started coming to terms with the fact that he’s bisexual; Phil’s known about himself for years now, and he knows that this is a confusing and possibly scary time for Dan and the last thing he needs is dozens of people poking and prodding into his business - and his relationship. Phil knows that this is something Dan needs to sort out for himself and if he decides to come out, not that he has to but if he wants to, Phil will be there and ready to hold his hand all the way through it. Literally.
Dan gives Phil a quick peck on the cheek, bringing Phil out of his thoughts, and with a bright red blush on his face he says, “I’ve been wanting to do that all day.”
Phil smiles and kisses Dan in turn. “Me too,” he says. “Right, now go put on that costume! I’m dying to see it.”
Dan nods, then dips into one of the stalls immediately to put on his costume, while Phil stands in front of one of the sinks so he can see himself while he draws his whiskers on. Truth be told, not a lot of time and effort went into his costume - which is just a pair of cat ears honestly - but he likes it nevertheless.
“I changed my mind!” Dan says suddenly from inside the bathroom stall. “I don’t want to go anymore.”
Phil frowns, “Why not?”
“I look stupid,” Dan says, his voice softer than it was a moment ago and Phil can tell he’s not joking. “Everyone’s going to make fun of me.”
“Dan, no one’s going to make fun of you,” Phil tells him immediately. “If they do, I’ll punch them.” Dan doesn’t laugh at his attempted joke and Phil sighs a little. “Can I see before you change out of it though?” he asks. “I’m sure you look really cute - you always look cute. And I promise I won’t laugh at you.”
Dan falls silent for a moment, and then the lock of the bathroom stall shifts loudly and Phil steps back as he pushes the door open. Immediately, Phil smiles; Dan’s dressed as a bear - a bear of all things! It’s ironic because Phil’s been calling him bear, which is actually a family nickname, since they met, and it’s adorable because bears are Dan’s favorite animals. Phil doesn’t see why Dan would think he looks stupid, he looks great. It’s not as if he’s wearing a full on bear suit like a mascot or something; it’s mostly half of a costume but he honestly looks so insanely cute, it’s making Phil’s heart hurt. “I was right, you do look cute!” he exclaims.
Dan blushes. “I do not,” he mumbles, and he looks up at Phil, his frown deepening. “You aren’t even wearing a costume! I bet no one else is getting all dressed up like this; I’m going to look like an idiot.”
“I’m not wearing a costume because they only sell lion onesies for children,” Phil replies, and this time, Dan’s lips twitch into something resembling a smile. “And I don’t think my six foot frame is going to fit into something made for a six year old,” he continues. “Besides I’m sure a lot of people are going to be wearing costumes, Dan. You have nothing to be self conscious about.”
Dan tugs anxiously at one of the arm warmers he’s wearing, an extension of the furry brown slab of fabric covering his torso. “It sounded good in theory, but now I’m not so sure,” he admits.
“Well, you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to,” Phil reminds him. “But I think look really cute.” and since they’re alone, Phil closes the gap between them and kisses Dan’s nose, then his lips. “Really, really cute,” he says and Dan blushes. “I think bears might be my favorite animal now.”
“Phil!” Dan exclaims, ducking his head down to hide it against Phil’s clavicle. He hesitates for a moment. “Are you sure no one will make fun of me?”
“I’m positive no one will make fun of you,” Phil says.
After mulling it over a bit, in the end, Dan does decide to wear his bear costume - he even lets Phil color his nose in and draw on his face a little so he looks more bear-like. During that time, Phil uses every opportunity he gets to remind Dan how cute he looks, which makes Dan blush and playfully slap his arm.
They quickly take a photo together - “For Dailybooth,” Phil insists and Dan can’t argue with him there - and then head out to join the other YouTubers, Dan anxiously hiding behind Phil most of the time, still feeling a bit worried about what everything will say about his costume. But just as Phil thought, everyone who sees him tells him how adorable he looks and how much they love his costume.
“I told you so,” Phil can’t help but to say after the tenth compliment Dan receives, and Dan just rolls his eyes but he’s smiling from ear to ear and Phil can tell he’s already a much happier person than he was earlier, and that in itself makes him very happy - though that’s not a difficult task; Dan always makes Phil happy without even trying. And that’s when Phil decides that he’s probably the luckiest person in the world because he found someone who makes him the happiest person in the world.
* * *
The Halloween gathering is even more enjoyable than Phil thought it would be; this October night is cool and crisp, a sky full of stars twinkling bright above his head. A lof of his friends are here tonight and he’s found that he’s making several new friends as well. And most importantly, Dan is with him. Honestly, what more could he want?
Later in the night, when he’s sure no is paying attention to them, Phil walks up behind Dan and wraps his arms around the younger boy’s waist. “Hey, you,” he says. He can see Dan’s face flush red slightly, and he quickly gives him a peck to the cheek. “Are you having a good time?”
“Yeah, it’s great,” Dan says. “I can’t believe all of the youtubers that turned up today; so many people in my subscription box came to life!” Phil smiles at Dan’s excitement. Sometimes he forgets that when it comes down to it, Dan is still a viewer and a fan of so many people and when it thinks about how overwhelmed he had to have been to see all of the people he’s subscribed to in person today, it just makes him smile. “Youtubers are weird though, none of them eat,” Dan adds as an afterthought.
Phil chuckles lightly, nodding in agreement. “So I’m not the only one who’s starving right now?”
“Nope; I feel as if I could eat a horse,” Dan says. “Or KickThePJ - he looks quite tasty.”
“Hey!” Phil exclaims, and even though he knows Dan is joking, there’s the slightest bit of jealousy bubbling in the pit of his stomach and hello, where did that come from? Because Phil definitely isn’t the jealous type, and yet even the slightest thought of Dan with someone other than himself is enough to turn him into the green eyed monster.
He figures it’s because Dan is really important to him, and he’s terrified to lose him.
The two of them leave the other youtubers in search of something to eat, eventually stumbling upon a McDonalds. After buying their food, they take refuge on a fountain, where they sit together and eat their meals in a comfortable silence.
There are moments in life, moments where time just stops and you're living in the now, and you're so utterly euphoric and more importantly content with everything. And for Phil that moment was tonight, under the stars with a nineteen year old boy in a bear suit holding his hand.
“I know I said this a lot already,, you look really cute tonight,” he says to Dan, breaking the silence between them. They do that often, just fall into lapses of comfortable silence because nothing needs to be said but mostly because they just really enjoy each other’s company. Phil loves being around Dan, and he wishes their time spent together was longer, but it’s not and until that changes, he’s learned to appreciate every single moment he’s with him.
“I do not,” Dan blushes despite his protest. “Everyone keeps saying I look adorable - I was supposed to be scary. Bears are scary!”
Phil chuckles a little. “Bears are pretty cute.”
“You’ve clearly never watched the discovery channel,” Dan replies.
Phil chuckles again. “I live for the discovery channel,” he insists. “And besides, your argument is collapsing on itself; you’re not very scary.” He pauses in thought for a moment. “Other than when you first wake up in the morning.”
“Hey!” Dan laughs a little, playfully shoving Phil. Phi reaches out quickly and grabs a hold of Dan’s arms, so he doesn’t fall into the fountain. And Dan takes that opportunity to pull Phil in for a kiss to the lips, and Phil all but melts when Dan’s lips touch his own. Dan’s lips are a bit chapped and at the moment he tastes a bit like chips, but it’s perfect, just like every other time they kiss. And when they pull away and Dan rests his forehead against his, Phil immediately finds himself wishing they were kissing once again.
“I like you,” Dan whispers to him, and it’s not as though that’s breaking news but hearing Dan say that makes Phil’s heart feel like it’s doing flips in his chest.
“I like you too” he replies with a smile. He doesn’t just like Dan though; like doesn’t even do it justice, and the way Phil feels for Dan almost can’t be described, yet at the same time, he knows exactly the word he wants to use.
Love.
Phil loves a lot of things - Halloween, lions, McDonalds chips - but when it comes to people, his love has been limited to family members and a few close friends. He’s never loved somebody like this, however, and perhaps he’s wrong and it’s not love at all, and perhaps he’s just a young boy infatuated with brown eyes and dimples - but maybe it is love. And maybe it doesn’t matter that he’s only known Dan for a short amount of time, because something tells him that the two of them were simply meant to be.
He almost finds it funny because Phil’s never really believed in soulmates or fate until he met Dan. And now all of the things his ‘psychic’ grandmother had told him about the future and an “energetic warrior” who was going to have a big impact on his life suddenly makes sense to him now. Suddenly everything makes sense now that he’s got Dan in his life.
Dan gives him another quick kiss before sitting upright, still holding his hand, and returning to the remainder of his meal. They continue to sit in silence, eating their McDonalds and looking at the stars, all while holding hands and sneaking in kisses every now and again. And it’s not much, but Phil knows that when he looks back on this moment, he’s going to smile from ear to ear because it’s positively perfect. Dan is positively perfect.
After a while, they decide to find the others and join them once again, because the last thing either of them want is to be stranded in London with marker on their faces. “Wait, before we go,” Dan stops Phil, then takes two coins out of his pocket, handing one to Phil and telling him, “Make a wish.”
Phil watches as Dan closes his eyes and a moment later, tosses his coin into the fountain, a pleased smile on his face as he does so. He then turns to Phil and says, “Aren’t you going to make a wish?”
Phil looks down at the coin in his hand, then back up to the brunette in front of him. “I don’t have to,” he says with a smile. “You already came true.”
* * *
They take refuge in a hotel for the night because it’s way too late and they’re both too intoxicated and too tired to travel home. Their room only has one bed and it’s barely big enough for the both of them, but they make it work and Phil’s got an arm wrapped around Dan’s waist, holding him close, and his free hand moves up to brush his fringe out of his eyes, murmuring, “You need a haircut.”
“Do not,” Dan yawns, turning his head so his face is pressed against Phil’s pillows. “You need a haircut,” he adds a moment later, yawning against.
Phil reaches his hand out to rub Dan’s back, and the younger boy scoots closer to him, pressing his body against Phil’s. “Get some sleep,” Phil tells him.
“No,” Dan sounds a bit like a stubborn little kid and it makes Phil laugh.
“Well aren’t you tired?” Phil asks, still rubbing Dan’s back, knowing it’s working into lulling him to sleep.
“Yes,” Dan admits. “But I don’t want today to end.”
Phil presses a kiss to Dan’s head. “You’re so cute, Bear,” he says to him, but he can’t help but to agree with him; today had been the perfect day and Phil’s heart has been feeling like an overinflated balloon with all the love he feels for Dan. He never thought it was possible to love someone as much as he loves Dan and it almost feels like the two of them are actors in a play because everything is so perfect, it’s almost unreal.
But it is real, and in this moment right now, Phil once again finds himself one hundred percent focused on the present and the present alone. Dan curls into him, his much too long hair tickling his face as he makes himself comfortable in their much too small hotel bed, and although he’s discarded his costume for the night, he’s still got his bear make up smudged around his cheeks and nose. Phil’s fingers lightly glide down Dan’s spine, feeling the way his body is curved into his own right now and if this were some cliched romantic comedy, the camera would pan above the two of them, giving a bird’s eye view of how they look like two halves of a whole. Because that’s what they are when they’re together - complete. And it doesn’t matter if they aren’t an official couple or if they don’t have a label on their relationship right now, because Phil knows that just being Dan’s is all that he needs to be, and though sometimes he may question it, he knows that Dan feels the exact same way.
Phil presses another kiss to his bear’s head, just because. And he whispers to him, “I love you,” but Dan’s already fallen asleep so he doesn’t say it back. It’s okay though, because Phil knows that Dan feels it too. He knows that Dan loves him too.