Archive of Our Own

Bobby walked into his Hotel room, fresh tears still streaming down his delicate freckles. He had just been voted off of Love Island, and subsequently lost the only girl who had meant something to him in a long time. He closed the door behind him, and was met by complete silence. Something that he hadn’t really experienced in the last 29 days, and something that scared him more than anything because there was absolutely nothing to distract him from the waves of grief that he had been able to hold mostly at bay over the last 2 weeks, but that were crashing down unrelentingly now. He took off his shoes and sat down on the king sized bed cradling his head in his hands. He closed his eyes and once again replayed the last 4 weeks in his mind. Trying to piece together for the millionth time just what had gone so terribly wrong. How he had let his soulmate slip so easily from his hands.
POV: Bobby
I knew early on she was so much more than just a crush. She was my dream girl. Of course she was beautiful to look at, but I was all too familiar with the fact that beauty was only skin deep, and often (though not always) the most beautiful girls on the outside are the ugliest on the inside. The most beautiful thing about MC was her personality, she had banter for days, she treated everyone in the house with love and respect, and when tensions were high she was there putting out all of the little fires around the villa. Best of all she never made me feel like I was a nuisance, she was always up for a chat, or one of my stupid pranks. She never made me feel like I was inferior to the rest of the guys (which I could see I clearly was.) How was it possible that a girl as perfect as her could see parts of me that I had kept so perfectly hidden? She made it so easy to bring down my walls, but at the same time made me want to build them up higher because there was just no way it could be real. I was preparing myself mentally for her to walk away at any time.
I could tell she was feeling a little bit skittish after what Rocco had done to Lottie, she had told me on our date in the vineyard that she was worried it was going to happen to her. She confessed to me that she had been burned in the past, and I could tell there was more to the story, but I didn’t want to push her to tell me before she was ready. Getting called out as the biggest player of the season hadn’t been the best way to instill faith in my character, and I had only made everything worse by playing up to it. I thought everyone would find it as absurd as I had, and therefore joking about it would solve the problem, but I could see MC was clearly feeling anxious about it all. I was almost certain I had blown it, and honestly I wouldn’t have blamed her, as someone who had been blindsided and hurt so many times in the past I probably would have understood better than anyone. But for some reason she had still chosen to continue getting to know me, much to my relief.
That relief was short lived though as I could see Lucas wasn’t ready to give up on the chase. I could see him staring at MC all the time, his eyes following her like a predator tracking its prey everywhere she went. MC had never shown much interest in him… at least not in front of me. But at the next re-coupling he stood up and called her name. She wandered over to me first, offering me some reassurance, but I was slowly starting to unravel.
Waking up the next morning to her angelic face letting me know that the girls were going away had only made everything worse. I hadn’t had the chance to have a talk with her and get an idea about where her head was at. Obviously she still fancied me at least a little if she was willing to wake me up and say a private goodbye… right? But what if her head was at least starting to be turned? As she made her way out to the jeeps waiting below it dawned on me that they were most likely headed to Casa Amor. A chill ran down my spine, and I ran down the stairs trying to catch them before they left. I wanted to make sure she would know that I was going to be waiting patiently by the door until their return. That I would be waiting for her, but as I opened my mouth, Lottie slammed the door and the jeeps pulled away, and my cracks were beginning to show.
I couldn’t control my anxiety after she came back from Casa Amor. Though she had shown up single, and she had been so reassuring that first night back even suggesting we couple back up, I was immediately on self destruct mode. I had asked Lottie to share a bed that first night, and I still can’t work out what possessed me to utter that invitation. Seeing the immediate hurt spread across MC’s perfect face kept me up the entire night. Even though Lottie had ultimately turned me down, I knew I had just sewn another seed of doubt in MC’s already cautious mind. I could feel her slipping away, and my anxiety was the driving wedge pulling us farther apart. I just couldn’t pull myself out of it. I had avoided her for most of the next day, I didn’t know what to say, and I was worried I would say something to further damage our relationship.
Later that evening instead of being able to couple up with her, we were forced to save other islanders. She chose to save Lucas, which had only made me spiral further, and wonder if there was more than meets the eye. Maybe Lucas hadn’t been lying when he said that MC had shown interest in him. I had lunged at him at the time, only to be grabbed by Noah and Lucas by Rahim. My head had been such a mess between the guilt I felt over operation NOPE, knowing that had been the catalyst to the disaster recoupling. Also knowing that Lucas was going full force for my girl. I’m not an idiot, I know how dangerous he is in this game. He is the epitome of everything most girls are looking for. Well mannered, successful, good looking with that slight bad boy vibe that seems to bring girls to their knees. I knew I paled in comparison. I am a goofball, poor, and average looking at best. MC had never seemed interested, but maybe she had just been trying to spare my feelings. Maybe I was really just her “pity case and safe choice” as Lucas had so generously pointed out.
The next morning I woke up and asked for a volunteer to help with breakfast, hoping against hope that MC would volunteer, but Lottie’s hand shot up so fast that MC didn’t even get the chance. I tried to not show the disappointment that was exploding out of my chest. MC looked slightly annoyed, but Lottie was always so hot tempered, and didn’t take well to not getting her way. I just didn’t want to get into it this early in the morning, so I wasn’t going to tell her no.
Lottie announced MC entering the kitchen, and I turned around just in time to see MC saunter into the kitchen wearing a leopard print bikini. My heart was hammering out of my chest, and I could barely think straight. “I’m bound to be hit with a sugar rush soon, because that look is so sweet.” Damn that was a lame compliment, but MC took it gratefully. I offered her some pancakes, and Lottie covered them with maple syrup in the shape of a pentagram. MC quickly stuffed a giant bite into her mouth and hummed her approval.
“Bobby, this is delicious. What has inspired all this then?” She said with that dazzling smile of hers.
“I think we all deserve it, and I’m feeling really optimistic.” I replied.
She went on to compliment me by saying the thought what Lottie and I did for Noah and Hope the night before was sweet. I rattled something off about them being the real deal, which I didn’t believe fully. Noah had been insufferable the whole time the girls were at Casa Amor, and Lottie had already saved him. I honestly couldn’t fathom having to spend the rest of the summer with a dark cloud of a pouting Noah around. If my pal enjoyed life on a leash who was I to say otherwise? I had already tried and failed to save him once.
“It will be totally worth it if Noah and Hope get to re-couple, and everyone else is perfectly matched up.”
I wanted to retract the words as soon as they had escaped my lips. Why did I say something so stupid? I saw the confusion and hurt spread across MC and Lottie’s faces.
“Really? What makes you say that?” MC asked with a shaky voice.
“It’s obvious Gary picked Chelsea because he fancies the pants off her.”
Dammit this word vomit that comes when I am feeling anxious and insecure is just digging my grave. I was silently hoping MC would say something, anything just to show me that maybe I still had a fighting chance, but I knew I had just planted the final seed of doubt in MC’s mind. She would never let her guard down at this point. I just had to open my big mouth.
I thought about just swallowing what little pride I had left and try to fix what I had just broken. Let MC know that she was the only girl I had fancied at all this whole time. Tell her that I was falling in love with her but I was terrified I was never going to be enough to keep her. But just as soon as I went to open my mouth Lottie all but tackled me to the ground trying to get to the sink. She was clearly pissed off by my comments about Gary, and when I looked up MC was gone.
I knew then that I had just screwed myself over, I had lost my chance. But if she could be happy with Lucas I couldn’t stand in her way… right? My anxiety was crashing down hard, and my heart couldn’t bear a rejection at this point, not from her. I had successfully friend zoned myself again, resigned myself to live in my own personal Hell and watch the girl that I had fallen head over heels in love with slip from my grasp and into the arms of a man who was never going to love and appreciate her the way I did. And I knew I had no one to blame but myself.
The last week had been utter torture, watching Lucas and MC get closer. Looking through the window of the villa I could see his hands massage her shoulders in the kitchen as she made dinner, I couldn’t peel my eyes away as he kissed her gorgeous full lips. I was drinking shot after shot, just trying to ease my pain.
I couldn’t help myself during my toast, I had already downed too many drinks and my judgment went out the window. I let it slip that Lucas was a lucky man, and MC deserved better. MC had given me a quizzical look, but I was too much of a coward to just admit that being apart was killing me.
Next a new batch of hyenas entered the villa and caused so much unnecessary drama. I knew MC was stuck in the middle of it, because none of the other girls cared enough about anyone other than themselves and it killed me. When I offered to help the girls all yelled at me to get out. I was barely holding it together, and all this fighting was just making everything so much worse. I was desperately trying to hold off the panic attack that I could feel creeping it’s way in. Eventually I found myself by the pool, looking blankly off into the distance and trying to focus on my breathing as the girls screeched at each other in the background.
Finally by some miracle silence fell across the villa, and my ragged breathing began to even out. At least until I heard her soft voice ask if she could join me. She kicked her shoes off, and dipped her feet into the pool. A few strands of her hair tickled against my cheek as a gust of wind made its way through the villa bringing her familiar scent to my nostrils. She was so close to me, and I was struggling to think straight.
I was so grateful for her company, and she had such a calming presence as she reassured me that nothing was my fault, encouraged me to just have some fun. She reached her delicate hand into the pool and splashed me, shaking my head like a puppy I reached down to splash her back. My heart swelled to think she still at least cared about me enough to come try and fix my problems. I told her that she meant a lot to me, which almost made her look sad, but only for a moment. A warm smile quickly etched across her face, and the closeness and familiarity of having her near was putting all sorts of bad thoughts into my mind. Dangerous thoughts. I quickly excused myself, and left her sitting by the pool. She seemed off, but I figured it was probably just all of the fighting getting to her, and as much as I wanted to be the one to fix it for her I just didn’t trust myself to be around her for an extended period of time. I had already ruined our relationship, I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship as well. I couldn’t lose her, not completely.
Lucas chose her at the next re-coupling, Hannah and Henrik re-entered the Villa. Days were starting to blur together. Everyday moving incredibly slow and painful. Finally the final nail in my coffin, watching MC call out Lucas’ name in the final re-coupling. I felt numb inside, I had always been Good at hiding my emotions, tamping them down until I just felt empty inside. That and humor had been my defense mechanisms pretty much my whole life, but no matter how hard I tried my feelings refused to be numbed. It felt like I was bleeding out, but incredibly slowly like death by 1000 cuts.
Hannah chose me, and I tried my best to seem enthusiastic, but this new version of Hannah was even worse than the original. She was clearly here with a game plan, and that was to stir up more drama, get her petty revenge on Lottie, and then play savior when she “was a good friend” and picked her consolation prize in me. I was hoping and praying we would be the next couple out. I wanted so bad to just go home and lick my wounds in peace, but unfortunately Marisol and Graham were first followed by Jo and Ibrahim. How long was I going to have to endure this?
Finally this morning we had found out we were going to be having a Prom. Hannah had volunteered MC to help me write my speech for her, and to my complete surprise MC accepted. This was the closest contact we had had in days and my whole body felt like it was on fire. I was struggling to keep myself in check, she looked so gorgeous, and I just wanted to grab her and kiss her with everything I had. Everything felt awkward, I didn’t know how to behave, and clearly she didn’t either. When I finally made eye contact, her eyes looked so tired, and hollow. All of her playfulness was gone, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was wrong. Didn’t she get exactly what she wanted?
I was so busy trying to figure out what was wrong with MC that my speech was utter rubbish. Every suggestion I made was wrong, and I just couldn’t bring myself to care. All I cared about was MC and trying to figure out what had taken away that signature sparkle out of her eyes. She and Lucas seemed to be getting along well, Lucas sure liked to lay it on thick, and MC seemed grateful for the attention. Maybe there was more girl drama? I couldn’t put my finger on what could have made that beautiful smile leave her face. I longed to see her eyes crinkle as she smiled, hear that beautiful laugh escape her perfect lips, and more than anything I wanted to be the guy that made her do it, but I knew I had to let her go. Let her be happy. Even if it wasn’t with me.
Later that evening she came out wearing a beautiful white gown with glittery cutouts all over her torso, and beautifully deep cut to see her perfect chest on display. I could barely breathe. I met her eyes for a moment and smiled before we both looked away. Hannah had given me a death glare so many times because she always caught me staring but I honestly didn’t care.I spent the entire evening downing drink after drink, anything that I thought could numb the pain of watching Lucas’ hands hold so tight to the love of my life. But nothing helped.
Finally we gathered around the fire pit, I was praying they would vote us out. Please God let them send us home. I can’t fathom another night of sharing a bed with Hannah, watching Lucas curl around MC, and pretending that I wasn’t dying inside. The votes came back and by some miracle we were on the chopping block. After 20 minutes of painful deliberation the text came in and it was announced that Hannah and I had been voted out. Relief flooded through me like a tsunami. Finally I was being set free. MC made a b-line directly for me. Throwing her arms around me “I’m going to miss you so much!” “Me too” was all I could mutter. Hannah had asked MC to help her pack. I was desperately hoping she would come help me, so I could say my final goodbye in private, keep some form of dignity, but MC followed Hannah into the dressing room.
We finally made our way outside, and Hannah chided me about only having 10 pairs of boxers to pack after I joked about her taking so long packing. I couldn’t imagine she had that much to pack either… She hadn’t been here that long… Just saying. I couldn’t focus on her speech at all, and honestly I didn’t really care to hear what she had to say. I was desperate for MC to know the truth, and I just knew I had to rip the bandaid off. I knew it was selfish, that I should just let her go, let her be happy. But all rational thought went out the window, and I prepared to let the word vomit ensue.
Tears had already began stinging my eyes as I started my speech. MC was avoiding my gaze, but I had to get this off my chest if I was ever going to recover from this.
“I didn’t find love here, or at least couldn’t hold on to it.” Her eyes shot up to mine in complete shock, and I maintained that eye contact.
“If it could have been anyone, it would have been you.” I leaned in close, resting my hand on her shoulder. “Do me a favor… Win.” Her eyes searched mine for answers I didn’t have the strength to give her, but before she could open her mouth to respond I grabbed the handle of my suitcase and I walked away. I was too much of a coward to let her reject me to my face.
The entire car ride over to the Hotel had been painful, Hannah was furiously raging at me for outing my feelings. She dumped me right on the spot, which was honestly a relief. I didn’t have it in me to let her down gently.
Which brings us back to where we began. I had to stop thinking about this. I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out why I could never be enough. I had clearly been sitting here for a while. I looked at the clock beside the bed. 3:30 AM I got up stretching. I walked over to the window, looking down at the mostly empty streets below me. Wondering what MC was doing, was she awake like me? Did she even care anymore?
I decided to take a hot shower, trying but failing to clear my head of this whole mess. A mess I had created because I was too afraid to be honest with the girl I loved. I had let my insecurities and anxiety drive away the one thing I wanted to hold on to more than anything. I put on my favorite pair of doughnut boxers and flopped down on the bed flipping through the channels until I found the food network. Cupcake wars was on, it had always been one of my favorite shows but I just laid there. Heartbroken, and alone. I must have fell into an uneasy sleep sometime after 5, but I was awoken by a faint knock on my door around 6:30 AM.
POV: MC
The last 2 weeks had been torture. I came back from Casa Amor and hoped against hope that my perfect baker boy was still single. When he walked out of the Villa I let out a breath that I didn’t know I had been holding. My heart burst out of my chest, and we both just sat there beaming at each other. I honestly didn’t care at all when Lucas walked out with that bitch Blake. I couldn’t have cared less, they honestly probably better suited each other.
Lucas was attractive, and definitely the kind of guy that every girl dreams of taking home to her parents. A successful doctor, smart, polished. But I just didn’t have much of a spark with the guy, and he honestly kind of rubbed me the wrong way sometimes. He was selfish and calculating. Even if there was a physical attraction there, I knew it would never work out with him long term. He would grow tired of my peacemaking, and careful heart. My sense of humor would annoy him no doubt, and he was just so… posh. I didn’t feel like I could be 100% myself with the guy.
I had dated boys like that before, but I didn’t like the way they made me feel about myself, like somehow what I brought to the table was just never enough. Boys had always gravitated towards me because of my looks, but usually never stuck around for long. I had been cheated on so many times, and the ones that didn’t cheat always made me feel like they were doing me a favor by sticking around, or tried to change me. I had such a hard time letting down my walls, but with Bobby it was so easy. He would smile at me and suddenly it was like I had never been hurt before. I just wanted a partner that would laugh through life with me, and appreciate me for what I am. Someone who cares deeply about the well being of those around me, who doesn’t take life too seriously, has a silly sense of humor, and just wants everyone to get along. Just once I want to love someone, and have them love me back wholeheartedly and I thought I had finally found that in him.
When I finally got Bobby alone that night I was so excited and thought we were on the same page! He seemed so genuinely happy when I suggested we couple back up, but then that night he asked Lottie to share a bed. I was taken aback, and honestly a little hurt. I thought we were both feeling what I was feeling. Fear and doubt started to trickle into my mind… He had been called out for being the biggest player of the season. Was he just using me? Did he just want to string me along, while still exploring his other options? I couldn’t make sense of anything. He had avoided me pretty much the whole next day, barely speaking to me.
Then that night we were forced to couple up with someone to save them. Lottie immediately took Noah leaving me with the choice of Jakub, who honestly I would rather die than couple up with that laundry sack full of meat. Elijah, who was so insufferable. He talked about himself nonstop and refused to accept the fact that he was a hairstylist, not America’s next top model. If I thought Chelsea actually fancied him I would have saved him on her behalf, but I knew her bringing him back was purely because of the comments Gary had made on the video package we received. Finally Lucas, he certainly seemed like the least terrible option, but I wasn’t really thrilled to be honest. I explained to Lucas that we were partnering up purely on a friendship basis, which he seemed bummed about, but I wasn’t ready to shut the door on Bobby.
The next morning Bobby said he was going to make pancakes and was looking for someone to accompany him. I was ready to volunteer when Lottie’s hand shot out of the duvet, I know she didn’t mean to get in the way, but I was annoyed to say the least. He was already borrowing lip balm from her… am I missing something there? Maybe they are each others back up plan? Lottie had been so stuck on Gary, but maybe she wanted some form of security. She had always seemed more into Gary than he was in to her, and now Gary was partnered up with Chelsea. I tried to shake off the fear, but I just needed some form of reassurance. Bobby could be really hard to read sometimes, between him constantly pushing me to go on dates with the other guys, to barely batting his eyelashes at guys blatantly hitting on me in front of him. I thought we had moved passed all of that, and that we were in a really good place, at least until Lucas came out of nowhere and picked me in the disaster re-coupling… But there was always that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that maybe he just saw me as a summer romance at best, and at worst a place holder until someone he actually fancied walked in.
As I entered the kitchen he spun around to greet me, and immediately complimented me, as he always did. He was so good about that. It felt like we were maybe getting back to normal. But then I complimented him and Lottie on saving Hope and Noah, and he responded by saying he thought everyone was perfectly matched up. When I asked why he felt that way he just said something about Gary fancying the pants off Chelsea. My heart sank, I knew it, I knew he had been trying to politely tell me that he was not interested in continuing whatever relationship we were building. How could I be so blind? The signs had been there all along. He was just too nice to tell me to my face that he just didn’t feel the same way. Lottie was furious and on the war path, but I couldn’t be the one to fix it not this time. My heart was breaking, the boy I was in love with didn’t feel the same way, I had come up short yet again. I gathered what little pride I had left, and exited the kitchen as fast as I could.
I had learned long ago to never let them see you cry, so I sulked away to go cry in the bathroom. The hard thing about being such a tenderhearted person is that you care about everyone around you and you will do everything in your power to fix something for somebody else, but often times people just don’t reciprocate the sentiment, and you are often left to lick your wounds alone.
I decided to try and make a go of things with Lucas, he seemed eager to make things work, and I was eager to forget about Bobby. I didn’t want to hurt anymore, but the harder I tried to make things work with Lucas, the more Bobby was on my mind. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to feel anything other than longing. I threw myself into the mercy of all the drama in the house, these new girls were closer to feral cats than women. I had zero interest in being friends with them, but the constant fighting was really getting to me. I was suffering enough, I just couldn’t bear the dumpster fire that the villa had become with all the fighting.
Eventually I found myself by the pool with a downcast Bobby. He was sitting there looking like an abandoned puppy. Like me he gets stressed out by all of the contention. He was blaming himself for everything which just made no sense. The girls had practically hissed at him when he was just trying to help. I tried to pull him out of his head by splashing him with water. A surprised smile crossed his face, and his smile could light up the whole villa. He splashed me back, and told me he was grateful that I came to check on him, that our chat meant a lot to him, and that I meant a lot to him too. I knew better than to get my hopes up, that he just meant as a friend. I tried to keep my composure, giving him a small smile, but whatever bandaid I had managed put over my heart had been ripped off all over again, and all that remained was the fresh raw wound. He looked me in the eyes one last time, and I desperately wanted to throw myself in his arms. Kiss every square inch of his beautiful face, but he got up and excused himself quickly. Once again I found myself crying alone under the cloak of night but this time Chelsea found me. She didn’t ask any questions. I think she already knew the answer anyway. She just held me, and let me cry.
Henrik and Hannah re-entered the villa. Henrik had been such a nice boy, granted I had never shown any interest in him before because I was set on Bobby. But he did bring a certain puppy like energy to the Villa, and it was nice to feel sincerely pursued by someone, but I could never cheat on Lucas. I have always been a loyal person, and my heart honestly just wasn’t in it anymore.
At the final re-coupling I stood up at the fire pit, and announced Lucas as my choice. Hannah announced that Bobby was hers. I tried not to wince as she announced that she was just “being a good friend.” Like somehow Bobby was just some consolation prize. He deserved more than that How dare she make him feel like he wasn’t a worthy companion. Lucas pulled me in for a cuddle and told me he was so happy I picked him. I smiled but didn’t even bother to respond. We only had to get through the next few days, and then time and distance would eventually pull us apart, and I would be able to properly grieve without the constant fear of being caught, and without having to see the ghost of once was strolling through the villa on a daily basis. I was going through the motions at best, but luckily I learned to hide my emotions pretty well. Lucas honestly didn’t seem to care, I think he saw me as a ticket to 50,000k more so than a real prospect.
The baby challenge was such a mess. I have always loved children, and always pictured being a mother. Lucas however turned out to be the biggest diva about it. He whined and complained the entire day, which it’s fine if you don’t see yourself with children. I wasn’t asking him to knock me up, but it was a challenge. I saw Bobby playing with Dale across the pool having so much fun as he tossed him in the air. I stifled a laugh as Bobby attempted a trick shot with the poor doll and ended up on the ground with Dale crashing down after him. My mind betrayed me thinking about how much fun we could have together during this challenge. Thinking about having children of our own. Remembering the time when we ended up on the floor after a make out session and he told me it was something to “embarrass the grand kids with.” It took everything inside of me to push those thoughts out of my mind. He wasn’t mine to fantasize about, not anymore.
Then this morning we were woken up with a text announcing that tonight would be prom. The girls were all excited about the thought of picking out new gowns, and dancing around with their partners. I tried my best to be excited too, but my mind was always halfway out the door these days. When we got the text announcing that we would be writing speeches about our partners, I honestly didn’t even know what to say. I liked Lucas as a person. I could see myself being friends with him after this maybe, but it felt so hollow to say that now.
I wrote my speech as quickly as possible just wanting to escape when Bobby entered the room looking for help. Hannah quickly volunteered me to help him, and I couldn’t help myself. I hadn’t been close to him in days, and I longed for his calm and comfort so I agreed. As we entered the roof terrace I could tell he was so uncomfortable, neither of us knew what to say. He rambled off his ideas for his speech and nothing made sense. It was like he had never met Hannah before. He had seemed excited when she picked him, but looking at him now he just seemed like a caged animal. The happy go lucky boy I had known was no where in sight, his signature smirk was gone, his bright eyes seemed dull, and it seemed like he couldn’t wait to get away from me, but at the same time longed to stay. I didn’t understand why he was so determined to keep me at arms length.
When I came down in my dress I saw Bobby’s eyes on me, but he quickly looked away, and so did I. He looked strait out of a Miami Vice episode, his outfit was so fitting for him. I chuckled to myself thinking about all of the banter we could have been bouncing off of each other, and I couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked. Lucas had gotten a bit snippy though when he caught me staring. Then when we were by the fire pit it was announced that Bobby and Hannah, and Lottie and Gary were up to be eliminated, Lucas knew exactly who he wanted gone. Bobby and Hannah. He rattled off his reasons, and as much as I hated it, I knew the next day would be easier for me if Bobby wasn’t here. When the text came through Bobby looked so relieved. I once again couldn’t control myself and I ran into his arms. Hannah asked me to come help her pack, I was genuinely surprised by that because I had never really considered the girl as a friend, and even though I wanted to go with Bobby I felt like I couldn’t say no and trudged into the dressing room behind Hannah.
Once we got out front Hannah spat her annoyance at Bobby because he made a joke about her taking too long. I was instantly annoyed. She didn’t have that much to pack either… she had only been here for like 4 days. She was just busy playing the victim with her whoa is me act. Hannah would never appreciate him for who he was, and he deserved to have someone who saw the real him, and love every inch of him.
When it came time for his farewell speech I couldn’t even look at him. Tears were already starting to stream out of my eyes, and I was fighting a losing battle trying to keep it to a trickle and not a full blown flood. But then he said “I didn’t find love here, or at least I couldn’t hold on to it.” and my eyes shot up to find his eyes fixed on mine. “If it could have been anyone, it would have been you.” He leaned in close and whispered. “Do me a favor… win.” I thought I must have imagined it, that I had finally gone completely crazy. I stood there with my mouth agape like a fish but there was no mistaking it, he had looked me right in the eyes and laid it all out. My mind was reeling, but I didn’t even have time to respond at all before he grabbed his suitcase and made his way to the SUV waiting.
Nothing made sense, what did he mean?! He had all but told me he didn’t want me… right? He always seemed so chill and easy going about everything. Nothing ever seemed to phase him. Had it been possible that he was feeling every bit as insecure as I had? That we were both too hurt and scared from our pasts to give each other the reassurance that we both needed? Everyone made their way back into the house like Bobby hadn’t just dropped a whole ass bomb on his way out. Chelsea and Gary both gave me sympathetic looks as Lucas led me back into the villa.
I got ready for bed, but I just couldn’t make sense of anything. Lucas had tried to start something with me, but I told him I was exhausted, which was true, but I knew I wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon. I laid there awake for hours the ceiling turning into a projector in my mind as I watched our entire relationship play out like it was an old re-run of a tv show. Analyzing every little detail.
Around 3:30 AM I got up and quietly made my way to the producers room to wake them. I knew what I had to do. I explained to them that I wished to leave, that I had to go after Bobby. They tried for an hour to talk me out of it, “its the last day MC!” “He will be here tonight. Confront him then.” But I just couldn’t wait that long. I demanded they let me go and finally they begrudgingly relented. Next I had to break the news to Lucas. I silently wandered over to his side of the bed and woke him up asking if we could talk out on the couches. I knew he would not take it well, and I was right. He was furious, his face turned beet red, and he hurled all of his anger at me.
“Are you serious MC? How could you do this to me, to us? You are going to abandon everything that we have built together to chase after that.. that. Loser!?” He was waving his arms like a madman. “I mean it makes no sense! I can offer you the world MC, and you know that! What does he have to offer? Cupcakes and jokes?” The insults left his mouth like snake venom.
“How dare you!” I snarled back at him. Feeling brave for possibly the first time in my life. “Bobby is kind, funny, loving, loyal, and he cares about the people around him! There is so much of Bobby that no one in this house has seen, because they never put in the effort to see it.“ I was in his face at this point. “I don’t think you are honestly even mad about losing me, if you are mad about anything its about losing to him… why? Because you are so much better than him right? Or are you just upset about the fact that you definitely won’t be winning the 50,000 now?”
Lucas looked taken aback by my sudden outburst, I think he had expected me to recoil. But I was honestly so tired of listening to everyone in this damn villa talk about Bobby like he was some joke.
Retreating Lucas coldly responded with “How could you be so selfish?”
I knew I was being selfish, but for the first time in my life I was absolutely OK with it. I knew in my heart I was making the right decision for me. “I’m so sorry Lucas, truly. I never wanted to hurt you. I just know if I don’t follow him now I will regret it for the rest of my life.”
“So you have made up your mind then? You are just going to walk away?” He looked at me exasperated. “Well I can’t wait to see this blow up in your face MC.” There was an animalistic spark in his eyes. He had me right where he wanted me, and he was ready to go in for the kill. “Because he doesn’t really want you, you know that right? He’s just looking for the next best opportunity for himself. Leaving as the heartbroken goofball makes for great television doesn’t it?” He practically spat at me. A self satisfied smirk spreading across his face. “If he wanted you he would have said so any time in the last 2 weeks, not as he was leaving like some coward. You are just making a fool of yourself.”
My word that man knew how to pack an emotional punch. I felt all of the air leave my lungs. I knew he was hurting, lashing out with words he didn’t really mean, or maybe he did. But I knew I didn’t deserve what had just been thrown at me. Tears were streaming down my face, there was no stopping the flood gates once they had opened. I did the only thing I knew how to do. Run.
I ran up the stairs into the dressing room dumping all of my possessions in to my suitcase as quickly as I could. With all of the fuss Lucas was causing everyone else was awoken as well I could hear them all questioning Lucas about what was going on. Chelsea, and Gary were the only people who weren’t shocked, they quickly made their way upstairs helping me pack, which was unsurprising since they were the only people I considered true friends at this point. Everyone else was either siding with Lucas, or just staring at me like I had 5 heads sprouting out of my body. I could feel the joy oozing out of Hope as she realized that her only real competition had just self eliminated. But I didn’t care, I had made up my mind, and there was no turning back now. I gave Chelsea and Gary meaningful hugs and made my way to the SUV waiting to take me to the hotel.
The ride there was excruciating. What if I was too late? What if he didn’t really mean it? What if Lucas was right? Could he have just been using his exit for his own gain? What if I just made a total fool of myself on television for the whole world to see? So many disaster scenarios playing through my head. I felt like I was drowning, but I was fighting like hell to push those thoughts out of my head. There was just no way that the Bobby I knew would ever purposely hurt me and use me like that. I timidly entered the hotel and approached the front desk. I got his room number and made my way there. It was 6AM. It’s too early, he was most likely still asleep I told myself. I knew that was probably a lie, Bobby was always an early riser, but I just didn’t have the balls to knock. I paced in the hallway outside of his room for a half an hour, trying to get the courage, and practicing what I wanted to say. Finally I rapped my knuckles halfheartedly against his door. I heard movement on the other side and fought against the thoughts in my mind telling me to just run away. He opened the door and had clearly been asleep. His caramel eyes staring at me blearily, but instantly snapped to full attention.
POV Bobby
I woke up to the sound of light knocking. I wanted to ignore it, I just wasn’t in the mood or head space to be messed with by production, I was so mentally and physically exhausted, but I knew they wouldn’t go away. The knocking would just continue. I opened my eyes enough to get a good look at the clock. 6:30 I rolled my eyes throwing the covers off of my body and trudged my way over to open the door. Would these hounds ever just let me rest? Had they not seen that I have suffered enough?
Nothing could have possibly prepared me for the sight before me when I opened the door. I stood there in disbelief, surely this was a dream and MC was not standing outside of my hotel room right now. She looked like she hadn’t slept at all, I could see dried up tear trails cascading down her flawless skin. She was in her cherrygate pajamas with a grey sweatshirt loosely hanging over her shoulders. I couldn’t find words, I just stood there eyes wide and mouth agape. “MC?!”
“Hi.” she practically whispered. Failing to maintain eye contact.
“Hi.” I returned confused. “MC what are you doing here?” I was fighting the urge to grab her and just hold her close, she looked like a puppy that had been kicked.
“I left the show…. I left Lucas.” she replied blankly.
“You what?” I stammered out in shock.
“You left me no choice… Bobby… did you mean what you said last night?”
I look at her in disbelief. “MC you left the show? I don’t understand. You know walked away from the chance to win 50,000k? You walked away from Lucas?” My brain couldn’t process the scene in front of me, between the lack of sleep and the fact that I was still trying to wake up.
“Don’t change the subject! She snapped. “Did you mean what you said last night? Do you want to be with me?”
She was almost yelling which was surprising. She looked desperate, manic almost, and like she was ready to burst back into tears at any moment. She awkwardly shifted her weight from foot to foot and took a few deep breaths before gaining the courage to continue.
“Because I want to be with you, Bobby… More than anything.” Her voice was back to a whisper.
All of the air was instantly knocked out of my lungs. My mind was racing a million miles and hour, how is it possible that this angel is standing in front of me asking if I meant what I said? Asking if I want to be with her? Surely I am just imagining this, but even so I can’t contain myself any longer. A genuine smile forms on my lips for the first time in what feels like years, it feels almost foreign at this point. But I finally blurt out
“I meant every word… and I have been an absolute wreck without you… I have never needed someone in my life as much as I need you, and it scares the hell out of me because I know I’m not good enough.”
Tears begin to fall down her soft cheeks, and I notice that they are streaming down mine as well. She throws herself into my arms
“You are more than good enough Bobby, how can you not see that you are perfect?” She pulls back to look me in the eyes. “You are everything that I have been looking for my whole life, and you appreciate me for me… imperfect as I am.”
My heart is beating out of my chest, please let this be real. Please don’t let this be some cruel dream. I pull her back and cup her face to look into her beautiful eyes stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. The signature crinkle and sparkle of her eyes has returned. “I love you MC. More than I ever knew was possible.”
“I love you too!” she sobs into my neck. “So much. “Please never leave me again. I honestly don’t think I would survive it.”
“I don’t think I would survive leaving you again either.” I smile at her “I just don’t understand how you could possibly love an idiot like me.”
She smirks at me and answers by crashing her lips onto mine. I hoist her legs up and around my waist and carry her into my room. Shutting the door behind me, and for the first time in my life everything makes sense, and everything is perfect. Maybe two broken pieces have finally found their perfect match, the match that will make them whole, the one who won’t look at them like a broken piece at all.