Archive of Our Own

Jimin had always sought perfection and for a moment, he'd thought he'd found it in Kim Seokjin.

He still remembered the first time he saw the man. Tall, unsmiling and painfully beautiful. Trainee Seokjin had seemed too good to be lounging in a small company's practice room, watching his hoobaes dance.

"Woah, daebak!" He'd heard his friend gasp, eyes blown wide. "Seoul boys really are different."

Jungkook, bless his heart, had never been good with head-to-mouth filter. It was probably because he hadn't comprehended the idea of human speech, too used to communicating with his bambi eyes (to tell everyone he was a baby). So, on rare occasions, when he had wanted to exercise his vocal chords for anything other than singing, his voice would come out a little too mechanic, a little too loud.

Too loud. Those were the key words.

Because it had made the Seoul Boy turn and glance at Jungkook, just for a moment. But then his gaze had fallen, burdened by the attention he was getting, and a small, unwilling sound had escaped his throat. Jimin had realised belatedly that it was a giggle, cut short to hide his embarrassment.

Yet it had reached his ears, a loud awkward noise which shattered any illusion of a flawless, unreachable man that Jimin had thought him to be.

"Oh, shit." Jungkook had breathed, voice barely above a whisper and this time only Jimin had heard him. He'd heard his words and he'd heard the sentiment behind them. He'd wanted to respond, say me too, but found himself holding back.

It's nothing, Jimin had told himself, this is nothing. After all, Seoul Boy—Seokjin(as his friend had called him)—hadn't been the perfection he was seeking.

At that time, he'd been confident that his fledgeling crush on Seokjin wouldn't even last the summer.

Two years later, he turned out to be right.

Jimin had made his debut, it was already a thing of the past and yet, he felt like he was stuck in a limbo.

To say things weren't any different would be a lie, because things were different. It was hard to breathe and even harder to quit. There were eyes that watched his every move, watched him perform, watched him talk, watched the desperation that clung to his skin.

But all these eyes, they didn't watch him—watch them—for too long.

Bangtan Sonyeodan was a hip-hop idol group, a hybrid of two distinctive genres. Their appearance was fierce, too individualistic to be tamed into a fan's fantasy. As for others, though atypical they were idols still, a label which was enough to invite ridicule from the 'true' hip-hop community.

At first they hadn't noticed, drunk on the happiness of having made it to the debut. They had the talent and the drive to make use of that talent, Bangtan would be able to make it in no time. It had been what they'd thought anyway.

When that hadn't happened, they chose not to acknowledge the elephant in the room, a tactic to spare their sanity. But now Jimin was already beginning to notice the small changes in the members.

Hoseok stared too long at the mirror as if he could map out and fix all the flaws in his appearance. Flaws that were non-existent to begin with. On the other hand, Namjoon treated his reflection like his enemy, avoiding any contact with it unless the stylist noonas took matters into their own hands and forced him to confront it.

Yoongi locked himself up in his studio whenever he could, giving up precious time for rest in favour of producing more and more tracks. As for Taehyung, he tried really hard to cheer everyone up, always sensitive to his members' moods. Still he made time to practice on his own, often asking his Hobi hyung tips to improve his dancing or trailing after their vocal coaches to get a few more pointers to better apply his vocals.

Jungkook was their golden maknae, he didn't need to brush up on his skills but if only he could convince himself of the fact.

"I can do it better this way, hyung. Watch." Was what he told them and that started his habit of needing constant validation. Jungkook didn't need to do that, of course. He was already their ace, they couldn't ask for anything better but if you told him that, it would only make him want to prove himself more.

With Jin though, he was different.

He didn't look at him with stars in his eyes, as he did with Namjoon but Jungkook did share a special bond with the eldest member. No one took note of it yet but the boy had made it a habit to search for Jin whenever he entered a room. When he felt intimidated in any social situation, Jungkook took to hiding behind him, fingers clinging onto his skin as if the latter could prevent him from sinking.

At other times, their maknae acted particularly bratty. Whenever he saw Jin enjoy anyone's company who wasn't him, he cracked jokes about his awkwardness, purposely picking at him. Once it had got so bad that Hoseok took matters into his own hand and chided him for it. Typical teasing-your-crush behaviour. He was a kid after all.

And Jin—Jin Hyung—posed a completely different problem: Jimin couldn't read him at all.

Even two years after their debut Jimin knew as little about the man as he did on the day he first saw him. He couldn't grasp any observable changes in Seokjin's demeanour. To him, Jin was the only constant in their lives. Shy, sweet and impossibly handsome Jin hyung. He was the visual and he was the one who was supposed to look after the rest of their team, just as the company had instructed him.

That was how Kim Seokjin had begun existing as Jin of BTS and Jimin despised him for it.

"He isn't the only one, you know." Taehyung had said to him once when he'd voiced his doubts about the eldest. "Acting out parts, I mean." And then his friend had pinned him with a stare that made Jimin shift uncomfortably in his seat.

"You should try hanging out with him. I'm sure he wouldn't turn you away." He'd offered a friendly advice, more constructive than Jimin's unfounded conclusions.

But when had Jimin listened to Taehyung anyway?

Now, even during Bangtan's most difficult time, when all of them could barely conceal their vulnerabilities, Jimin couldn't claim to know much about Kim Seokjin.

That is, until the man caught him practicing late into the night.

Jimin didn't remember just when his 'one more time' turned into a couple of times. And the next thing he knew, he was still going over the choreo and belting out notes way past midnight. He was aware that he was an utter mess, breathing hard, dripping sweat from every pore of his body and too stubborn to admit he was exhausted.

But when he caught a glimpse of Jin's form standing by the door he almost jumped out of his skin, quickly suppressing the urge to run a hand through his hair. Dressed in an oversized hoodie and washed down jeans, the eldest appeared as immaculate as ever and Jimin couldn't help thinking that even now Jin was playing his part smoothly.

The man in question cocked his neck to the side and silently contemplated Jimin. Although his gaze didn't linger long, the boy still felt the weight of it settle over him and suddenly he became conscious of how haggard he must have appeared to Jin.

Jimin mentally scolded himself for making a big deal out of something that probably meant nothing more than an assessment of his condition. Jin was most likely here to chew the boy out for overworking himself, just like the rest of the members had done before him. He was still the eldest, it was his assigned responsibility, after all.

So Jimin was ready to explain his case when Seokjin's unexpected words took him by surprise.

"You...You are never satisfied, are you? With yourself and everything else."

He said it with an upward tilt to his mouth, eyes gleaming in amusement and it immediately sent the poor boy's head reeling.

"I'm just like you. I'm never satisfied." He gave out a short laugh, but it was somewhat self depreciating. The kind of amusement you feel when you recognize your misery in another person.

Satisfaction? Jimin had never given it a thought. But the moment he heard those words he couldn't get rid of the sense that they did ring a bell. It was like opening a fortune cookie, or reading those little fragments of astrology on a Sunday newspaper : a vague, insignificant prediction that seemed to make more sense the more you think about it.

Jimin was assured of the fact that he'd always chased after perfection.

He was the kid who got the highest score in his class, the one everybody wanted to be friends with. He was the son his parents talked about with pride in their eyes and also the prodigy who no one could beat at freestyle. He was the one meant for great things, signed with a label within a month and a half of training, the one ready to make his debut before any of his peers had even sat for job interviews.

Jimin was a boy with immeasurable potential and none of it was able to guarantee him success.

So he'd say he wasn't even close to perfection yet. Even if, up until this point, everything had worked out for him.

He'd let Bangtan Sonyeodan get lost within a sea of names, freshly debuted but already doomed to fail.

When he'd already let them become a lost cause then how could he ever be satisfied?

In the quiet of the night Jimin acknowledged that the boy, their eldest hyung, that he'd somehow managed to distance himself from over the course of a year, was right about him. Kim Seokjin had reached out and grasped at the core of Jimin's being so effortlessly that he wanted to resent him for it. But in its place, he only felt relief.

It was because Seokjin was there now—no more Jin hyung—and with a shared thought he'd formed an intimate connection between the two of them.

All this while he couldn't get a word out, too caught up in his own realisation to notice that Seokjin had made himself comfortable in a corner of their practice room and was now motioning for the former to join him.

"Food." He waved the bag of takeout in his direction and just as he'd planned Jimin quickly became too distracted to continue being gloomy. "Don't even think of anything else than eating now. Or else, I'll hang you for hubris."

"Yes, hyungnim." Jimin let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he answered him, shoulders slumped and an easy smile playing across his lips.

Later in his bunk bed, as he lay tracing constellations in the ceiling, Jimin put his feelings for the older boy in perspective. He was certain of two things : one, all the general dislike and unfamiliarity he'd associated with Kim Seokjin had been completely purged and two, it gave way to a different kind of warmth, a comfortable feeling.

For the first time in a while, Jimin didn't dream of anything. In it's place, he got a night full of peace.

▪☆▪

Success wasn't as unattainable as he'd deluded himself into thinking.

Their next comeback turned out to be the stepping stone for their career. I NEED U was the title track that they'd poured all their desperation into and it had made all the difference, resonating with the public as their music never had before. They'd given up on their all out hip-hop persona but Bangtan still stayed true to their music. It carried all their concerns, hopes and dreams that they were determined to achieve. The youth that they'd wanted so badly to represent had finally acknowledged them.

Technically, Jimin should be relieved that they escaped their doom but now when they'd finally managed to draw people's attention (and keep it) he only felt the need to prove himself grow stronger.

He knew that the next comeback would be a turning point for the group and he couldn't afford to ruin it. He'd decided to put the best stage and—

"Park Jimin, if you break your back I'm not going to pay for your hospital bills. Do you think you're Spiderman or something?"

Jimin turned just in time to see Seokjin charge at him. He didn't even have the chance to figure out his wrong before the older boy put him in a headlock.

Their hyung needed to monitor his strength, really. Jimin wasn't Jungkook and would most definetly die if handled so mercilessly.

He tried to communicate all this through a gargle of noises, the only sound that came out of his throat given the circumstances. But apparently Seokjin was telepathic because he released him a second later and put an end to his suffering.

"What the hell, hyung?" Jimin sqeaked out, the indignant tone of his voice only partly feigned. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jungkook standing a few paces behind Seokjin. The brat had the nerve to smirk at him.

Seokjin's lips were beginning to resemble the infamous pout that he got when he was about to burst into one of his rambles. Usually Jimin would sit back and just stare at him with fondness but not when he was at the hearing end of it.

"What brings you here, hyung?" He blurted out in an attempt to distract Seokjin. But it only worked to annoy him more and the man shared a glance with Jungkook in disbelief.

"The nerve of this friend! Can't a hyung visit his lovely dongsaeng now? I even brought food out of the goodness of my heart because," Seokjin's glare shot him through with the force of a laser beam. "our Jiminnie forgets to take his meals and then expects to perform acrobatics"—he waved his hands around ridiculously in an imitation of Lie's choreography—"without keeling over and dying."

Jimin tried really hard to suppress his smile. It was clear as day that Seokjin was more worried than mad at him.

It had become a pattern now. On occasions just like this, when Jimin pushed himself way past his limits, the eldest would find him and drag him back to their dorm. At other times, when Seokjin thought he was the one who was lacking, Jimin would choose to stay and go over his moves.

As odd as it was, their practice room had transformed into their terrain and Jimin felt weirdly happy over the fact.

Sometimes Jungkook would accompany them, as he was right now, and later Jimin would mercilessly tease him, poke at the obvious crush that had stayed with the maknae, despite all these years.

But for the moment Jimin was content to focus entirely on Seokjin.

"Aww, hyung. I'm so touched." He plastered himself all over the eldest, knowing full well he could use a shower but that was part of the payback fun.

"Park Jimin, you!—"

Seokjin wrinkled his nose and sputtered. Meanwhile, sweet ol' Jungkook, sensitive to scents and a fan of flowery washing powders, backed away from them with a horrified look.

"Gross. Both of you are gross. Go shower if you still want my respect." The boy had never worried about respecting them, who was he kidding?

Finally, when he was feeling quite accomplished, Jimin drew away from the man. Seokjin, for some reason, had gone uncharacteristically quiet and was busying himself with taking out the food. The tips of his ears were red, Jimin noted, bemused, but didn't comment on it.

Things between them were perfect now, or at least close to it. He'd rather not think too much about seemingly nothings and disturb the balance that they'd worked so hard to acquire. Especially when there was so much at stake, Jimin thought as he snuck a glance at Jungkook, at the way his face fell when he took in Seokjin's sudden shyness.

Yes, that was the right choice.

"How is Awake coming along hyung?" Jungkook asked Seokjin hyung in the backseat of their car, his tone conversational. Manager Sejin had come to pick them up when they were done stuffing their faces and lazying around the practice room.

The smile that hyung gave him in response was timid, too bland to suit his face. "I have to rewrite bits of it before I'm set to record."

Jimin couldn't help but roll his eyes. Awake was already rewritten fives times and their wasn't a single version of the song that Seokjin had paid any less attention to. He didn't find anything wrong with the current one either. Sometimes he wondered if they only wanted to give Seokjin a hard time, he thought, spitefully.

Jungkook appeared to share his sentiment as he gave an annoyed huff, muttering about 'tasteless fools' and 'poisioning tea' so loudly that Seokjin hyung was pulled back from his bad mood, his laughter ringing around them. Jimin didn't miss how the tension left his shoulders, relieved that the peace was restored once again.

"I don't necessarily think rewriting Awake is a bad idea." Seokjin hyung added, eyes trained on the scenery they were riding past.

"In fact I want it to come out as the best version of itself."

In the dim interior of the car, his eyes shone with the kind of determination that Jimin only ever witnessed when he saw Seokjin practice in his hotel rooms, right before a concert.

But it was enough to tell him what the song meant to Seokjin. Like all of them, his solo revealed a part of his soul, left it unconcealed for judgement.

But Kim Seokjin wanting to sing about his vulnerabilities was a first for him. The man didn't wish to discuss the insecurities that bugged him at night, made him take long walks just to calm his heart. (That was exactly how Seokjin had found Jimin in the company building that one night, he'd confessed once when his drunkenness had made him careless with words.)

"I'm sure it would turn out great, hyung. You've always been good with emotion." Jungkook murmured, voice heavy with sleep. Eyes closed, he was leaning against his seat with a fond smile over his face. "You know that I think you're the best, right?"

Seokjin hyung couldn't help but respond in kind, affectionately running a hand through their maknae's hair. Jungkook shivered and tilted his head in his direction, his own hand ran circles on Seokjin's before the movement slowed and came to a halt.

And that was how he fell asleep, with his heart on his sleeve.

Seokjin silently drew his hand back and let it rest on his lap, ever ignorant but whether it was intentional or not, Jimin couldn't decide. Although he did have something else to say to the man.

"What made you write it, hyung? I thought you wanted them all to think you're a happy man." If he was being honest, Jimin was proud he was able to reign in his curiosity for this long. But he couldn't wait forever.

Seokjin lifted his head to meet the boy's eyes, surprised to be challenged by his dongsaeng, right before a corner of his mouth turned upward, his shock melting into amusement. It was a charming expression, flattering his features in a way that made Jimin's heart skip a bit. He wanted to break away from his gaze before it was too late.

"They'll think what they want, I can't control that." Seokjin put him out of his misery as his eyes focused on something over his shoulder. Letting out a sigh, he continued. "I wrote Awake to face my own self, Jimin-ah. I want to move forward, flaws and all.

"I can't do that if I don't acknowledge what's holding me back just because it scares me."

I want to make peace with myself, was what he heard Seokjin say. The sentiment was so distinctively like the man himself that Jimin couldn't help but feel endeared.

His grin was in full force when he responded to his hyung, a teasing lilt to his voice. "Ohhh our hyungie is growing wise with age, huh? I thought I'd have to play your hyung all my life."

"You still can, if you want to." Seokjin arched his brow, eyes twinkling with meaning.

To say that he was stunned with the obvious flirting, would be an understatement.

His mind conjured up scenarios in which he could do exactly what the eldest had suggested—

That is until Sejin Hyung cleared his throat loudly, scandalized.

And as if on cue, Seokjin started wheezing. Bright peels of laughter escaped him and it hurt Jimin's heart more than he cared to admit.

Joke. It was a joke, of course. Jimin wondered if it would count as a joke if he were to strangle the dark haired man right then. It should, right?

But he wasn't supposed to read too much into it. No, what Jimin should do was to pretend to be unaffected by the man in front of him. Really, it was easy, he thought, as his eyes shifted to the sleeping form beside Seokjin.

Making peace with yourself. It sounded nice but Jimin knew he wasn't there yet. Though if Seokjin could do it, then he too was willing to give it a try. He knew that the two of them craved that satisfaction.

They were similar in that sense, after all.

▪☆▪

It was something Jimin realised when he performed Lie live, amidst the deafening cheers and adrenaline surging through his skin. The breathes he drew were short and fast paced, just in sync with his heartbeat.

In that moment, Park Jimin was all of the people that came to see him. Their anticipation and excitement, awe and jubilance all meshed together until he couldn't differentiate between the feelings of his fan and his own. Perhaps that was the point.

It felt as if he was standing on the stage for the very first time.

What was familiar became all too new without the presence of his members by his side. Yet his fans were still there, watching his solo stage, praising his performance.

Their belief in him fuelled his own and Jimin thought it was worth it to be just him. It felt perfect to be just him.

And that was the tale of how he discovered the perfection he'd been seeking.

It wasn't constant and it only came to him when he stood on the stage, amidst the stream of adoring fans. Jimin's perfection was his identity as an artist, not permanent but within his reach.

And that was enough for him.

Later as he waited for Seokjin to be levied up on stage for his own solo act, he couldn't wait to share his big startling discovery.

"So, are you satisfied now?" The man asked, eyes gleaming and just a hint of a smirk graced his lips. Jimin would have scoffed if he wasn't busy appreciating how good Seokjin looked in his shimmery dark suit. (He needed to stop doing that if he wanted to prevent any chances of the eldest one-upping him always).

"Maybe..." Jimin drawled as he rested his chin atop his hand, pretending to stare into the distance. "I mean I technically have everything I want right now."

"Everything?" Seokjin was no longer smiling, his eyes held a spark of something which challenged him. He was bluffing and Seokjin knew it too, judging by the way he raised his perfectly arched brow, entirely unconvinced.

"Then you are lucky." Said the man, with a wistful tilt to his mouth. "Because I sure as hell don't have everything I want.

"Yet."

And he left him with those words, ascending onto the stage with a confident stance that contrasted with how Jimin felt, unsettled and out of his depth. In the back of his mind, he knew Seokjin's words were meant for him but he also knew that unless he asked him directly he wouldn't get it. He sucked at reading the man, period.

▪☆▪

If you were to weave your soul in a string of words and tie it to a melody, you'd come the closest to creating Seokjin's Awake.

The man that graced the stage stood tall under the glare of the spotlight, honest about his fragility, and let his sentiments take control of him. The lyrics that accompanied the haunting melody were more powerful than poetry, because they contained his confession, his darkest thoughts.

From his spot in the shadows, Jimin took it all in, he took in Seokjin's desperation to be. He wanted to make it known that underneath the mask, this part of him too was breathing, that it existed.

Kim Seokjin with all his insecurities was out there, belting out notes high enough to break the ceiling, proving his worth and letting everybody be a witness to it.

And Jimin couldn't be more proud of him. Neither could he take his eyes off him.

He was used to watching Seokjin by his side but watching him from afar was an incredibly new experience. His chest tightened at the sight of the man, who only appeared to have gotten more attractive as he serenaded the crowd. It was his voice, most definitely his voice, that made Jimin want to rush out and clutch his face between his hands just to make the man look straight at him and see all that he couldn't bring himself to say directly to him.

But the boy knew that as soon as Seokjin stepped off the stage and came back to him, all he'd be able to offer him would be beautiful praises.

Praises and compliments and nothing else.

The thought alone was depressing. Because here it was, Jimin's second big startling discovery : That crush he'd had on Seokjin long ago? He'd never been over it in the first place.

Not when he was wary of Seokjin's Jin demeanor, not even when he'd tried to suppress it because he thought of their maknae.

And certainly not now, when he looked at Seokjin, choked and overcome by the weight of his own feelings.

Seokjin's question lingered in his mind as he tried to wrap his head around all these thoughts.

So, are you satisfied now?

No, not yet.

▪☆▪

Since he was a smart person the first thing he did was to avoid Jungkook.

He felt guilty, was his first reason. It would ruin their relationship, was his second.

"Does it matter who liked who first? It won't invalidate anyone's feelings. Besides," said Taehyung, shifting on his side so that he could take a better look at Jimin. "If you run away from him, he's bound to figure it out sooner."

Tae was right. The members were so attuned to each other's habits that if one of them broke the pattern, they were sure to realise something was amiss. Jimin couldn't afford accidentally revealing to Jungkook what he didn't want him to know.

"And it's not like you're gonna pursue Jin hyung. So I don't see the harm even if he does find out." Remarked his friend, tone light and airy.

"I'm not?"

"You are?" Taehyung fired back, brows raised and a smug smile on his lips as if he'd gotten Jimin exactly where he wanted him.

The boy slumped against his pillow, admitting defeat. Really, he didn't give his soulmate enough credit.

A few moments passed in companionable silence before Jimin decided to answer him.

"I don't know." I want to.

But he'd wait for Jungkook to make the first move. And if he succeeds, Jimin would quietly retreat.

Until then, he'd just leave things be.

▪☆▪

It's amazing how quickly you give yourself away once you have something to hide.

"Congratulations Jimin-ah! Even eomma doesn't watch me as proudly as you do. Are you trying to be my number one fan?" Seokjin laughed when he found the boy where he had secured a spot in his direct line of sight to watch him sing.

"I'm already your number one fan, hyung." Jimin giggled and wrapped his arms around the eldest, relishing in the faint pink tint to his ears. Now that he thought of it, debut Seokjin and this Seokjin stil shared one thing in common : getting shy if faced with any form of attention. Jimin was trying his best not to openly coo at him. Why did he have to be so cute?

"You looked so cool, hyung." He said to Seokjin on another night, when he'd just finished performing Awake. Locks of his hair fell into his eyes as he glanced at Jimin, surprised he was still waiting for him after every single one of his performances.

But then he beamed, eyes crinkly and bright. He couldn't hide how pleased he was to having found him waiting. Jimin felt his heart stop, an answering smile making its way across his lips.

"Your hyung always looks cool. How are you noticing it just now?" Said Seokjin, voice light and affectionate. It made Jimin move his hand forward and make contact with the unruly strands that cast a curtain over Seokjin's eyes. He ran his fingers through them lazily, relishing in the softness even after being subjected to an array of hair products. Of course it'd be perfect, just like the rest of him. And out of reach. So out of reach—

He felt Seokjin still under his touch, the movement so unprecedented that Jimin shifted his gaze to meet his eyes.

A mistake.

Seokjin was wide eyed, innocent in his surprise and stared at Jimin as if he was someone unfamiliar, someone who he wanted to touch, grasp with his own hands, afraid that they'd disappear. Afraid that the moment they were sharing would disappear.

In all the years that they'd known each other, it was the first time Jimin had seen the man look so vulnerable. And he couldn't help but wonder,

Is this how he looks at me when I can't see it?

It was a deluded fantasy, he'd tell himself later but right then Jimin wanted to believe in unimaginable possibilities, ones that could come true with the slightest nudge in the right direction.

That hope led to Jimin closing the distance between them and letting the hand that was playing with his hair trail down until his palm rested atop Seokjin's heart.

It beat in tandem with his own, the only reassurance Jimin needed to take the next step and press his lips softly against Seokjin's.

The kiss was warm, feather light and gone before it caught the interest of a passing camera lense.

It was a moment Jimin had stolen, a reckless urge that he didn't wish to suppress. He had danced around his feelings for so long that they'd taken a hold of him unexpectedly. Might as well come clean then.

"I've always noticed you." His breath hitched as he braced himself to meet Seokjin's gaze. The man was always beautiful. But right then, he appeared as if he'd woken from a deep slumber, belatedly catching up with reality. And Jimin was responsible for it.

"You're the one who realized it too late, hyung."

He left him with those words, slightly dazed from what had just taken place.

But the moment he was out of Seokjin's presence the gravity of what he'd done hit him.

Now Jimin couldn't hide, he couldn't lock away his feelings and pretend he wasn't greedy. He'd made his move and jeopardized a lot of things: two of his relationships and their careers. In fact, not only them but all of their careers.

In the back of his mind, he knew he was panicking too much. If he continued to ponder over that train of thought he might burst into tears. But his rational side couldn't replace the satisfaction he'd gotten from finally acting upon his feelings. He wondered if he'd always been so greedy.

But if wanting to stay true to your heart accounted as such, weren't they all guilty of it?

The rest of the concert went without a hitch. His body was trained to follow the routine. With perfect posture and graceful steps, he danced around the stage, belted out notes without missing a beat.

No one noticed how he managed to maintain a careful distance from their eldest hyung. He avoided going near him with a passion but even so, once in a while, he'd steal a glance in his direction.

Kim Seokjin didn't appear half as ruffled as he felt but Jimin was wiser now, he'd learnt that, when it came to Seokjin, things weren't as simple as they seemed. If they were still as alike as Seokjin had thought them to be, there was no way his mind wasn't going a mile a minute like just like Jimin's.

Still he couldn't bring himself to face the man, not yet. He wanted to go straight to bed and only in the morning he'd acknowledge the extent of what he'd done. Right then he could use a few hours of sleep.

It was nothing but a stroke of luck that they were going home in different cars. Jimin doubted he would survive another close encounter with Seokjin so soon, not after how he'd cornered the man.

"You are being weird." Taehyung murmured, voice hushed and close to his ear. "Is everything okay?"

Jimin closed his eyes and leaned against Taehyung's side, grateful for his concern but not yet ready to face his fears. Or the complex bundle of emotions that was bubbling inside his chest.

It was true that he worried he might have permanently damaged his relationship with Seokjin hyung but a part of him felt a a sense of relief wash over him. The cat was out of the bag. Now, it was Seokjin's turn to make the choice.

He felt a morbid kind of satisfaction in pushing the responsibility onto the older boy, letting him suffer alone with the knowledge of his feelings, just like Jimin had. It wasn't fun to be tormented with the fact that he was in love with his band mate, be forced to steel your heart and resign yourself to heartbreak in silence.

So, yes, Park Jimin didn't regret it. He didn't regret the ill-timed, terribly executed confession he'd given Seokjin. He'd apologize for the kiss tomorrow, sure, but he wouldn't apologize for the sentiment. Jimin figured there were enough lies he'd told himself. It was time he tried being honest for a change.

"I must be crazy." His unease and relief mingled together, turning his laughter into a dissatisfied huff.

Taehyung patted his head like he would do to a wayward puppy, cooing at him.

"Oh, you've always been crazy. That's part of your charm."

If only Seokjin thought that way too, it'd solve all of his problems.

▪☆▪

Jimin was about to make his escape to dreamland when he heard the doorbell ring.

Jungkook stood on the other side, seemingly engrossed with the loose thread in his sleeve.

Jimin blinked and ushered him in, no questions asked even though it was 3 am in the morning and it should be a crime to deprive him of much needed sleep for whatever reason.

Jungkook had some explaining to do. But that could wait till morning.

Jimin quickly waddled over to his bed with the maknae trailing after him. Once they were snug under the blankets, Jimin waited a heartbeat long. Then two.

After it soon became apparent that the boy wasn't going to break the silence, he felt his eyelids grow heavy. He was about to drift off when—

"Hyung, I love you." Jungkook told him, in a tone a bit too high to not be practiced into sounding cheerful. A facade. The haze of sleep left him as soon as it had come and Jimin peered at the boy a little more carefully.

"I know Jungkook-ah. I love you too." Jimin tried to channel all his protectiveness for him through those words. Something was wrong, he was waiting for Jungkook to tell him.

"And I love Seokjin hyung." Jungkook said it softly, like he was sharing one of those secrets you're meant to forget as soon as night gives way to dawn. Jimin felt himself being assessed curiously, Jungkook's watchful gaze peering into his soul.

And suddenly Jimin understood, he knew exactly what the boy was demanding of him.

A corner of his mouth tilted up to form a weary, loop-sided smile. For one short moment, he contemplated whether he could fool Jungkook. But that thought passed as soon as it had appeared.

"Me too, Gguk-ah. Me too." He breathed out the words, voice breaking at the end. His tone was quieter than Jungkook, wishing the words would disappear somewhere in between, before they reached his ears.

For a moment, there was no movement. But before they could descend into an uncomfortable silence, Jungkook's face broke into a smile. The smile that used to turn his eyes into crescents and make him seem younger than he was. It was something innocent and Jimin almost believed that all was well until he noticed it never really reached his eyes.

"Hyung, do you realize how you look now?" Jungkook let out a chuckle when he glanced at Jimin, a knowing tilt to his lips.

"You look helpless." His eyes shined in the dim glow of the lamp. Jimin could trace the resignation in his voice.

"Absolutely, pathetically helpless, hyung. A mess."

Jimin was startled into an answering chuckle, tinged with embarrassment. Jungkook was a boy of few words and a solemn heart, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that he'd be able to sum up his myriad of emotions perfectly.

Helpless. That was what he'd called him.

The two of them stared at each other for a long moment, not wanting to fill the silence with words of betrayal, of feelings that were hurt, and the obvious hopelessness of their situation.

Eventually Jungkook slipped him one last heartbreaking smile, turned on his side and didn't make a sound for the rest of the night.

Helpless. That was what he'd called him. But to Jimin, Jungkook seemed just like him.

▪☆▪

He wasn't too keen to start the next day but by now it was drilled into him that mornings weren't the time for leisure. As soon as the first rays of light filtered through the window, traces of any lingering sleep began to vanish. He could only enjoy one moment of oblivion before the memories of last night tumbled through his head.

A sense of dread washed over him and he turned over on his side. Unbeknownst to him, Jungkook had went away some time before he'd woken up. He remembered their conversation—if he could call it that—and the way Jungkook had understood him so easily.

Last night, he'd expected the boy to lash out, to tell him he'd seen what Jimin had done and that he'd broken the unspoken pact between them.

Maybe it was because he was always watching the eldest, as much through his own eyes as everyone else's, that he'd noticed the kind of bond Seokjin had formed with Bangtan. Yoongi would always look his way with a mixture of exasperation and affection while Hoseok couldn't hide his fondness. Even though Seokjin's antics defied his role, he'd be the first one their leader would seek out for support. As for Taehyung, he never shied away from the fact that he respected him.

Jimin had taken note of all this, of how the members needed Seokjin in their own way. This included Jungkook too, of course. But unlike the rest of them, Jungkook wanted Seokjin to need him in the same way he needed him.

It was a fact that Jimin had figured out Seokjin was Jungkook's first love even before the boy did.

But what he couldn't guess was that the boy had figured out his secret too. After all, he wasn't the only one looking at Seokjin.

And so last night, Jungkook had come seeking confirmation and Jimin had given him one.

Was it the right thing to do? He didn't know. But doing what he'd thought to be the 'right thing' had led to years of suppressing his feelings. And it had helped no one. In the end, he'd complicated things, disturbing the balance he'd carefully cultivated all these years.

Falling in love with your band mate was a taboo but it was the thought of Jungkook that had made him pause. Time and again he'd held himself back because he didn't want to steal the dream of the boy he'd protected all these years.

But in the end, it was the same boy who broke them out of the limbo, one Jimin was afraid to give up.

He'd asked for honesty and traded it with a truth of his own.

Now Jimin couldn't hide, he could only move forward. Just like he knew Jungkook would too.

▪☆▪

When it wasn't a concert day, Seokjin chose to forego sightseeing in favour of the comfort of his own room. So Jimin had expected to find him there, bubbling with nervous energy and all.

"Who, Seokjin? He's out with Hoseokie today." One of the manager hyungs told him when he found him waiting outside the door.

"Oh." Jimin hadn't anticipated that. It was okay though, he'd find him when he came back.

They were always together anyway, it wasn't like he was purposely avoiding him, right?

"Jin hyung? He said he'd stay out and explore on his own for a bit." Jimin had questioned Hoseok when he'd shown up at the hotel with no Seokjin in sight.

"Oh." He tried not to visibly deflate but trust his favourite hyung to already take note of his distress.

"Is there something going on, hm? Did you guys fight or...?" He joked, only half kidding and Jimin squirmed under his searching gaze.

"No, we didn't." That wasn't a lie. But Jimin thought it better not to share the details of their... Conflict? Is that what it was?

He'd just wait for Seokjin to return on his own and decide what he wanted from him : an explanation, an apology or a confession.

He'd let Seokjin choose. Yes, that was the best course of action.

▪☆▪

When you've spent years around a person, you don't have to look too far for them. In the back of his mind, Jimin knew those words to be true and yet, he searched for Seokjin.

It was easy to come across him. Under the trained lense of a camera, Seokjin pranced around backstage, engaging anyone in a 'battle of wits' with his unending stream of dad jokes and ringing laughter. During those moments his confidence was borrowed and relied entirely on the charming alternative that was Jin.

But this wasn't the Jin from debut days, not the impenetrable facade. This was Seokjin letting pieces of himself mingle with the fantasy of his onstage persona, breathing into this existence his sincerity and warmth that charmed everyone around him. This was Seokjin's way of doing his best.

So it was easy for him to be around Seokjin when he let him. But it was also easy for others to be around him too.

"Hyung!" He'd called out to him once during practice and four pair of eyes had turned to him.

"Seokjin hyung." Jimin had said, drawing out the words slowly and he'd expected the rest to get busy with whatever they were doing but he should have known. Bangtan didn't know how to operate as anything other than a single body.

So when they had continued to stare into his soul (Taehyung even had the audacity to wriggle his brows, soulmate who?) Jimin could only pretend to be unaffected, even though he knew he had been turning red on the spot.

"Did you change your skin care routine?" It had been instinct, trying to save face. He had to keep talking. "It's been hours of practicing and yet your face... is so... Shinee. Shinee! Get it? Haha."

If you asked him now, Jimin would give you proper instructions on how to bury him in a pit.

But at the time, the shock had been too great for Bangtan. After all, their angel Jiminie had just joined the dark side.

"Let's take a break! I don't want anyone to overexert themselves." Sundeok hyung-nim hadn't been subtle when he eyed Jimin pitifully.

Lame. Lame. That was so lame.

▪☆▪

"I heard people in love start to become alike." Taehyung held out a water bottle to him but moved it away as soon as Jimin made to grab it. "But if this is the change that has been wrought upon you, I might have to cancel our soulmates contract."

And that had been how most of his attempts at catching Seokjin's eye went, his determination to have The Talk ™ somehow ended up with Jimin barely able to save face.

Park Jimin woe to admit it but he'd grown far too aware of his Seokjin hyung.

"It's the whole package." He shared with Taehyung over cans of beer and a bag of chips. "The stuttering, the butterflies in the stomach, trying to catch his eye, overanalyzing everything..." Jimin ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated yet helpless.

"I'm not a lovesick teenager, I'm supposed to be—I don't know—smoother than this!"

Taehyung shot him a look which said he was, in fact, not 'smoother' than anything.

"I personally think it's character growth." His friend told him, after a thoughtful pause. "From pretending to hate Jin hyung to seducing him with his own terrible brand of humour, if that's not true love I don't know what is."

Jimin winced at the memory of his recent blunder. "Too soon, my friend. Too soon."

Seokjin, on his part, wasn't in a hurry to acknowledge anything.

Sometimes their eyes would collide during the middle of the practice and in the reflection of the mirror, Jimin would find Seokjin's brows furrowed as if he was contemplating him, contemplating Jimin's entire being, before moving on.

But apart from that, there was no indication that something had changed between them.

The thought of Seokjin purposely ignoring the kiss bothered him, kept him staring at the ceiling of his room when, on any other day he'd pass out as soon as his head hit the pillow. If it weren't for that Jimin would have never realised how bad he was at being patient.

"Sometimes I think it was all a fever dream." He told Taehyung, taking a sip and letting the cool liquid sit in his mouth, hoping it would wash over his mind, clear away the love sick daze he was in.

A comfortable silence followed his statement as his best friend gave him room to gather his thoughts.

"But then I remember everything about that moment so clearly, I remember him so clearly..." And there it was, that feeling of desperate longing that had made a home in Jimin's heart.

He let out a loud sigh and ruffled his hair. His yearning was turning into frustration and that was what had commenced this drinking session with Taehyung in the first place.

"My head is a whole mess, Taetae. All I can think about is that kiss. Oh no, am I the obsessive type?"

Jimin clutched his head in his head and groaned, a fresh wave of horror taking a hold of him. He was plummeting down the black hole of overthinking and at this point, he knew he wouldn't stop.

But Taehyung was a good friend.

"You inspire me, Jimin-ah."

"Hm?"

"You inspire me to not be an idiot when it comes to love."

"Yah!"

Taehyung was a friend who had his own shit together and the audacity to call out him when he didn't.

▪☆▪

Time had passed since he'd stolen a kiss and the chance of a confession had passed along with it. Now they were too big to let their feelings run amok and cause mayhem. It lay like an unspoken agreement between them now, like a secret 'they' held dear (yes Jimin was aware he was being delusional here, but unsatiated pining could do that to your heart.)

Bangtan had gotten busy. They were busier than they'd ever been.

It was funny how quickly their fortune changed with time. It was only yesterday when they'd made their debut, when a stage on mnet was considered a stroke of luck and now they were standing on a foreign platform. An award bigger than any dream they'd dared to hope for, they now clutched in their hands

Yes, it was not luck. It was not luck but the sheer amount of love they'd received from their fans, their armys.

But why did they receive so much love?

Jimin had never thought, not even for a second, that anything they'd gotten was only because they happened to be at the right time at the right place.

For every single stage, they'd been desperate. Every single day after their debut, they'd fought to be seen, to be remembered. They'd fought against exactly the kind of circumstances that allow others to be at the right place, at the right time but not them.

What Jimin didn't understand was how they were the ones who'd managed to move the hearts of millions when there were others, just as desperate as them.

Long hours in Bighit conference room, surrounded by industry experts, he'd be told that the tag of an underdog had made them relatable, accessible, reachable to the fans. They were an inspiring story, and people loved to chew on that. He didn't disagree but the cool, objective spearheading of this narrative bothered him. Jimin couldn't help feeling uncomfortable at the thought of someone thinking of you as a tool to bait a shared sentiment.

Pity doesn't move people after all. It's the sincerity that does.

In their dorm room, Namjoon would confirm that thought. He believed entirely in their music and their members. The fact that they were seven was what helped them keep going. After all, "Teamwork makes the dream work." Jimin wanted to add to that and say that if it wasn't for his leadership this team wouldn't have even succeeded in the long run. If at that time when Bang PD had asked him to choose, Namjoon hadn't chosen to be seven, that is.

After they'd won the award and Jimin had cried his eyes out, overcome by the gratitude in his heart, he sought Seokjin in his hotel room for drinks and conversation.

And again he'd asked Seokjin about what had occupied the better part of his brain.

"You want to know what I believe? I think the stars aligned to get us where we are. It was a divine conspiracy." Seokjin wiggled his brows, basking in the absurdity of his own statement.

It startled a laugh out of Jimin.

"You believe in that hyung? Fate? Destiny?" It wasn't the answer Jimin was expecting but regardless, it invoked his curiosity.

For a while Seokjin didn't say anything, content with swinging his glass of wine as he gazed out of their hotel window. It wasn't a floor to ceiling view, but it offered a glimpse of the city in a way that made you want to believe you had the world in the grasp of your hand.

"At first I couldn't believe it either." His tone was somber now, gone were the hint of jokes people had come to expect from Jin. "But honestly? Winning a Daesang wasn't any less surprising.

“Why are good things happening to us all of a sudden? If we get an answer to that question it'd be easy to make sure they keep on happening to us. Now that's a tempting thought.”

Seokjin glanced back at him, a mocking tilt to his mouth. Everyone had been talking about exactly that : their formula of success, something that they hoped to recycle for their own benefit.

“But we already have an answer to that. Good things happened to us because we're Bangtan. Is it really that hard to believe that seven boys were capable of moving millions? We got that attention because we are worthy of it. That's what I'll believe.”

Once again, Jimin was struck by how Seokjin's way of thinking.

The reason why he was so preoccupied with the question ‘Why us?’ was because he wanted to know what people expected of him, just so he could meet those expectations. It was his way of showing his gratitude, staying humble. He wanted to prove that the fame will never change Bangtan.

For Seokjin, he was honouring their fans by holding onto the same trust they had in him, in them. Not doubting yourself was another means of gratitude and it reminded him of how thoughtful Seokjin was.

It was a comforting thought, trusting yourself. Especially when it came from someone so plagued with self doubt. Awake was a living proof of Seokjin's struggle after all.

Without thinking Jimin reached out and patted his head. "So cool hyung, I thought I was talking to Namjoonie hyung for a bit."

Seokjin made an indignant noise but Jimin tuned out his words of complaint, drunk from the wine and a little too happy to be sitting across from him.

Time alone had become a luxury to them but if it meant he could have quiet moments like these, Jimin thought it was a sacrifice worth making.

"I appreciate you hyung. You know that, right?" And I love you. If he was brave enough he wouldn't have thought twice about saying it loud.

Seokjin's hand snaked around his and intertwined their fingers, giving his palm a light squeeze.

"Me too, Jimin-ah. I appreciate you too."

Later he would mull over this exact moment with Taehyung for hours but right then, he was content with holding hands and talking about everything and nothing.

Content. That was the word.

When they'd emptied the celebratory bottle(s) of wine and when Jimin was moments away from slipping into a sound sleep, that was the feeling he held onto. Contentment.

▪☆▪

"So are you, like, in 'some' stage?"

(Sidenote: In Korea, when two people like each other but aren't dating they call it 'some'. )

"I... don't know."

"But you said you hold hands a lot and go on play dates and stuff."

"Yeah, we do that a lot."

"Yeah, right. Don't believe him, Gguk. Yoongi hyung and I hold hands a lot too. Doesn't mean he likes me."

"I mean..."

"Hold up—"

"Shut up Taehyung, this is not about you."

A pillow harmlessly bounces off his side and the person who attacked him mutters about top ten anime betrayals.

To his right, Jungkook munches on some chips he'd found in Taehyung's secret stash, unconcerned with the turn this conversation took even though he was the one who started it.

He thought for the 100th time how much he regretted this small gathering of theirs.

Ever since that night in his hotel room, neither he nor Jungkook was keen on broaching the topic again. They'd gone back to how they were almost immediately. There was no point in feeling antagonistic, they'd been brothers for too long to despise each other.

But not a long time ago Jungkook had stumbled into his room, drunk and devastated.

"I got rejected." His smile had been bittersweet, gave away his heartbreak. "But it's not a bad thing, you know. I knew it would happen. I can move on now."

Jimin hadn't asked any questions. He'd taken the boy into his arms and run a hand through his hair repeatedly as you would to a child. He'd felt his heart shatter at the sight of him but he'd doubted any words he could offer would be of comfort to him.

"You're brave, Gguk."

Jimin had only realised he'd said it out loud when the maknae gave out a hollow laugh.

"And you're a liar, hyung." He'd gone stiff at the accusation, a perfect picture of confusion. And Jungkook had snorted in disbelief.

"You lied to yourself for a long time, didn't you?" Jimin had known what he'd been hinting at but since he had nothing to refute he'd continued to listen quietly to him.

"I was a bit selfish, I admit. I pretended not to notice. But do you know, hyung? You aren't very good at it. The lying, I mean." Jungkook had looked squarely at Jimin, a tilt to his lips.

"Seokjin hyungie is good at hiding his feelings though if you don't know how to look closely." And the wistful look in his eyes had returned. “But I did.”

"I knew the moment I said it that I wasn't the one for him." And the silence had been tangible, inlaid with meaning.

"You should know why."

After that particular conversation, Jungkook had figuratively disappeared from his life. For some 'downtime' and to nurse his wounds.

But now that he was back for their self styled 'Crying over Seokjin' sessions, he didn't hold back from pushing Jimin.

But honestly, Jimin was doing his best, really. Except for the part where he had to 'properly' confess. ("No, pecking somebody doesn't count as a confession hyung, I'm embarrassed for you" as Jungkook had so kindly enlightened him.)

He'd thought about it for a long time. At first, he'd wanted to write a song, revealing all of his feelings to a simple accompaniment of guitar.

But when he'd put pen to paper, the words just wouldn't come to him. To put his feelings for Seokjin into words, all of it, was overwhelming. Jimin had a lot to say, something he realised he wanted to do over a course of time, something he couldn't do over a simple scribble of words and call it a song.

Love songs would come. But there was still enough time for that.

Next he'd thought of roses and a fancy dinner but quickly scrapped the idea because of mainly two reasons. One, they'd become accustomed to fancy dinners now. They worked hard and they were treated for it. And two, he wasn't exactly sure giving Seokjin roses was a good idea. He was no blushing maiden he could woo with token romantic dinner dates. If he tried, Seokjin would most definitely laugh at him.

But when the moment came, all these thoughts flew out of his head.

If this was a fictional world and the two of them were born out of words, Jimin would call it a poetic ending. If he were a cynic, he would have also rolled his eyes at the cliché.

Either way, would he have been happy with it? There was only one correct answer.

Winter had ushered in a new awards season and this time around, their stage was heavily anticipated. They'd gotten used to the weight of expectations but did that make them any less nervous, any less afraid of messing up?

Jimin would claim otherwise. Like always, he'd taken to practicing by himself, past midnight or till the early morning rays illuminated the windows.

In the back of his mind, he vaguely recalled subjecting himself to the same routine during their debut years. Those days he'd wanted to be seen and now he wanted to be remembered.

As he stared at himself, sweaty and breathless, critical of his own form he wondered,

What had changed about him? Wasn't he the same boy from Busan who'd been attracted to the stage because of the shining lights and loud cheers? Wasn't he chasing after perfection still?

Then what had changed?

Jimin turned off the song and slumped next to the wall, exhausted yet giddy. Again his eyes caught the sight of his reflection, watched as he assessed himself and contemplated.

What had changed?

He had. He summoned the image of himself from the past and there it lay, the difference. A seventeen year old Jimin was just as hard on himself, just as hardworking but he was lost. He was hopeful but he didn't know what to base that hope on. He was full of doubts about his own worth.

But now Jimin knew he was worth every dream he'd held onto during his teenage years. So there was no room for being lost and every right to take pride in who he was.

Now, as Seokjin stepped into the practice room, careful as if not wanting to startle a small animal, he didn't find the boy he'd shared a secret with years ago.

Jimin too couldn't find the traces of Jin that he disliked so much, gone was the mask of practiced indifference. The Seokjin in front of him sported a smile more often than he used to, with no hint of self depreciation.

And in place of wariness, all Jimin felt was overwhelming endearment warm his heart.

All these thoughts and more circled in his head, strengthened his resolve.

If there was a perfect moment then let it be this one, he silently prayed.

"Hyung," Jimin straightened up and regarded Seokjin with his head cocked to the side. "Do you remember what you'd said to me on a night just like this?"

Seokjin shot him a perplexed look, having been deprived of his chance to start a conversation. "Hyung has said a lot of things to you on nights like this Jimin-ah. ‘Don't push yourself over the limit’ is what I tell you often but your stubborn ass won't listen."

Usually Jimin would have laughed away his embarrassment and gotten ready to leave but now he was on a mission.

"No... Do you remember when you said I'm never satisfied?"

The man in question rolled his eyes "How could I forget that?" And then he shuffled forward to ruffle Jimin's fresh-out-of-practice, sweat drenched hair. "That was my bonding moment with you, wasn't it? We didn't really talk before."

"You said you were the same." Jimin took Seokjin's hand off his head but instead of letting go, he only turned it in his grasp, intertwining their fingers together. "Has it changed now?"

"I don't know, Jimin-ah. There's always been one thing that I wanted." He glanced at their fingers laced together and chuckled. "I wonder if that's too selfish of me."

The wistful look from the night backstage had returned to his eyes and Jimin hoped—prayed—he was reading it right. That night he hadn't stopped to consider, to witness it for himself.

But with them so close to each other and away from curious eyes, Jimin focused his attention entirely on Seokjin. It wasn't often that they got a chance like this and he was bent on making sure that it did count.

"I've wanted something for a very long time, hyung. I've wanted to be with you." Jimin tightened his grasp at the older's hand when he saw him startle, just a bit.

"Is that selfish? I don't know. But I do know that I've wanted to hold your hand like this." He directed his gaze at their clasped palms and raised them, swinging them lightly.

"And after we've called it a day, I've wanted to knock on your door, more than once. We could have played games or just talked about anything and everything, I would've liked that."

Jimin wanted to peek at him, check his reaction but he wasn't brave enough yet. "Bangtan is my life. I feel the happiest when the seven of us are on stage and I know you and I are the ones who want to stay with members the most... But I've also thought of life after that."

He finally—finally chanced a glance up at the man as he continued. "When we're older and when we're not seven on the stage, I've thought of it being just the two us. I've thought of you beside me, I've thought of still seeing you everyday."

Jimin offered him a smile, fragile yet so full of sincerity that Seokjin's gaze softened at the sight of it. "I love you. I've been in love with you for the longest time."

"So when I think about what a satisfying life would be, hyung... I've thought of it being with you."

He'd done it. He'd let the cat out of the bag. Once again. But this time he'd done it properly.

Though he didn't anticipate the feeling of relief would be so quickly replaced by a nervous anxiety. At the moment, Jimin wondered if he anything could be louder than the pounding of his own heart.

And then Seokjin spoke.

"I'd like that. Especially the part where I get to see you even after all this." Seokjin gestured vaguely around their practice room, probably meaning their idol life. "Because I've been in love with you too, just a little bit."

If it weren't for the rosy tint to his ears and the fact that Seokjin still had his hand tightly clasped with his, Jimin doubted he'd have registered the fact that the eldest had accepted him, and followed with a small confession of his own.

"For real?"

The slight smile on Seokjin's face turned into a pout. "No, Park Jimin. I've decided to pull a big one on you. What do you think—"

His words were swiftly cut off by Jimin almost throwing himself at Seokjin. It should have been an awkward hug what with them not letting go of each other's hands but the angle was perfect for Jimin to hook his chin over the man's shoulder and whisper quietly in his ear.

"I'm so glad, hyung. I'm so glad.

He didn't remember if Seokjin repeated those words back at him but he does remember kissing him again, this time with no prying eyes in sight and with no hurry to break away.

Contentment. Yes, that was the right word.

In that moment, Jimin thought of contentment when he held Seokjin in his arms. Contentment and warmth. And joy. And every nice thing he could think of, he was sure he'd relate it to Seokjin.

▪☆▪

They'd come clean almost immediately after they'd gotten together but much to their surprise... no one was was actually surprised.

"About damn time." Yoongi had smirked at Seokjin and Jimin had known there was a story there that he'd pester Seokjin to tell him later.

Jungkook had mouthed something to him that looked suspiciously like 'Mr. Steal Your Man' but he had lost the heartbroken look. And if, later, Jimin saw him holding hands with someone unexpected he didn't comment on it.

The point was: they were happy and so were their members for them.

Days after that day, weeks and months and still the constant sense of happiness wouldn't go away. Sometimes he'd look at Seokjin and feel his heart clench. On those days, he was barely able to stop himself from waxing poetry about the symmetry of his boyfriend's face and the length of his shoulders. The members had called them disgusting on more than one occasion and Jimin took a weird sense of pride in that.

This feeling of giddiness, he knew it would settle down one day and they'd fall into a steady rhythm, their own dynamic. That was how relationships worked.

But Jimin knew, just as he knew his own heart, that the feeling of contentment that only Seokjin could bring to his life would remain unchanged.

Years ago he'd sought for perfection and thought he'd found it in Kim Seokjin. But now he knew, in the end, what he'd found with Seokjin was happiness.

—The End—