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The sky reflected in the god's eyes the moment his eyelids flew open. The first thing he noticed was pink sakura petals, dancing in the gentle breeze, and he frowned.
"Where am…" he slowly sat up, bringing his back against the sakura tree he lied under.
His palms dropped into the pool of petals and flowers on the ground, letting the gentle sensation sink in.
"Yukine?" he shouted the first thing that came in mind, wondering where his kid had disappeared. Strangely enough, though, it seemed he was all alone in this valley. Somehow, it felt familiar. So familiar.
Anxiety started prickling his heart at the lack of response and he stood up. He had to find his kid.
The quiet of his surroundings was making him uneasy as he explored the area, nothing but the rustling leaves and the sound of his clicking boots breaking the silence.
"How did I even get here," he mumbled to no-one in particular.
Yato kept strolling around the valley for a little longer, growing frustrated at the absence of humans, or life in general. A loud groan left his lips and he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He could really use some guidance right now.
As if his prayers had been heard, he spotted a human-looking figure sitting on top of a large rock, long hair following the unstable wind as petals got mixed in the woman's tresses.
His mind filled with hope and his pace quickened. This lady could tell him where he was, and maybe he could ask if she saw a young blonde boy passing by.
As he grew closer, he could finally take notes of her appearance, or her back, at least. The first thing he noticed was her brown hair, neatly tied in a ponytail and glowing under the sunlight. Her clothing consisted of a white kosode and a bright red hakama. So she was a shrine maiden, he assumed. She could definitely help him with directions.
"Hello there! I'm kind of lost and I need your…" his steps slowed down and his voice died in his throat the moment he perceived those two, familiar pink pearls decorating her hair. "...help."
No. No way.
This couldn't be her. It couldn't be her.
His palms dripped with cold sweat and he held his breath, each step closer making his heart beat louder.
He wanted to call her name. To see her face once more. But the fear of her being an entirely different person, or even worse, not recognizing him, was holding him back.
The woman heard the footsteps approaching though, and when she finally tilted her head, when their eyes met, the god's knees went limp, sending him on the ground.
It had to be a joke, a coincidence, right? The woman in front of him could never be Sakura. He knew that much. He was the one who killed her, after all.
So why did those rose eyes look exactly like hers?
"Yato-sama?!" she exclaimed with a genuine smile, sending shivers down his spine. The tears he was trying so hard to hold back were getting overwhelming.
His voice was gone, the only thing he could do was gape at her with wide eyes, filled with disbelief as single droplets rolled down on his cheeks.
Could he say her name? Was he allowed to? Worthy to?
The young woman was soon alarmed by his breaking posture and climbed off the rock, quickly dashing and kneeling in front of the boy.
Her hands gingerly cupped his face, thumbs wiping his tears in a fruitless attempt. They were so warm against his skin, he wanted to scream.
"Sakura?" he said in a small, weak tone, and when she positively moved her head, he finally broke.
Yato launched himself right at her, arms wrapping firmly around his old shinki as he hid his face in her chest, terrified of letting go.
The silence was long gone, replaced by loud sobs and gasps and wheezes and incoherent apologies. What a mess.
Sakura said nothing. She didn't have to; for the gentle caress on his back and her beating heart was more than enough for him.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish it didn't have to end like this. I'm sorry for letting you go. I'm so, so sorry," he was running out of oxygen but he didn't care. He had to let her know. The guilt was eating his insides for so, so long.
"P-please forgive me- I know what I did was unacceptable and I know I don't deserve it but please, please forgive me,"
He was so pathetic and selfish, seeking for his own release, his own purification.
Why would anyone forgive you for taking their life.
"I-I promise I'm getting better. A better god. A better person. I swear it on your name I am," his grip nearly tore the white garment, eyes shutting tight, dreading to look at her. He finally let himself breathe when he felt her own arms wrap him in the warmest hug he'd felt in a while.
"I'm sure you're doing great, Yato-sama. And, you don't have to apologize anymore. It's okay-"
"Okay?! No! How can you say that?! It never was- and will never be okay…" his arms were starting to grow limp, so now it was her turn to keep him close.
"You were misguided and made a mistake. You were a kid. If my absence helped you finding the right path, then I have no regrets. I did my job as your shinki right."
He sniffed his running nose audibly and nuzzled in her comforting embrace, nodding once.
"It did. I promise it did. Thanks to you... and Yukine, and Hiyori.."
"Oh? And who might these names belong to? Are they your current shinki?" her excited tone sent a small smile on his face. She was always so excited over the littlest of things.
"Hiyori is a living human, actually. It's a very long story and I don't have the energy to explain it right now, but she means the world to me. Kinda like you, Sakura. She was my first follower, and she even made me a shrine, can you believe it?" he had to pause, to stop himself for breaking down again. "My very own shrine… It's so tiny and beautiful and I love her…" whether he meant the the girl -Hiyori, was it?- or the shrine, she couldn't tell, but she decided to place her bets on the girl. She hummed, urging him to continue.
"Yukine is… he's my hafuri-" he chuckled, "-but I like calling him my kid. He's so small, you see. I really want to protect him," Sakura giggled at his monologue, but kept listening carefully. "Sometimes I catch myself picturing him as my own son or something, which is kinda silly, but I can't help myself. I want to give him everything he lacked on when he was alive, you know…"
"...You really did come a long way. I'm so very proud, for both of you." she really was, he could tell from her fluttering heart beating against his ear. "You must really love them both, is that correct?"
"...More than anything."
"Then… don't you think it's time you went back to them?"
His eyebrows furrowed and he lifted his head slowly, reaching her eye level. His own were stinging from the intense crying, but he still didn't care.
"Back to them?"
"Yes, back to them. Yukine-kun could be worried about you." she explained, moving his messy bangs out of the way.
"But- but I don't wanna leave you again! Let me stay just a little longer, Sakura! Please-" he was starting to panic once again, but relaxed when the shinki touched her forehead against his, holding him firmly in place.
"I'm not going anywhere, Yato-sama. I swear it on your name." she gave him one last smile, repeating his own words before the warmth was lost, and in the blink of an eye she was gone along the sakura petals, leaving the boy desperately calling for her name.
"Sakura! No no no, wait! Sakura!!!-"
"-SAKURA!" he gasped and jerked up from his futon, feeling cold sweat running on his neck and forehead.
He shivered and wrapped his arms around his trembling body, trying his best to catch his breath.
"...Yato, are you okay?" the worried voice of a young boy brought him back to reality, and he swiftly turned his attention to the kid crouching right next to him.
"You… you were crying in your sleep… and kept mentioning someone named Sakura," Yukine cringed at how puffy his master's eyes were, the light of his little lamp exposing the wetness on Yato's face, both from the tears and sweat.
"I wasn't sure if it was safe you wake you up just like that so-"
The blonde quickly noticed how Yato was starting to hyperventilate again and immediately wrapped his slender arms around the god's neck.
"Y-you don't have to talk about it right now, bakagami." he sighed and squeezed once. "But it's not fair how I'm always the one crying in front of you… so you better do the same. Just- just not now, since you're clearly a mess and stuff…"
Yukine was always bad at showing affection. Yato knew that. But he also knew that every time his kid went out of his way to do something so embarrassing he was genuinely worried, and that fact alone warmed his heart.
The deity slowly rose his arms, returning the embrace just as tightly, and he felt his heartbeat truly relax for the first time tonight.
"Thank you, Yukine. I will tell you everything someday. I… I swear it on your name."
"...Good."