Work Text:
Waiting for You commission by GingerFox.Art
You were the last face I saw before my second life, my cursed life ended. And somehow, being with you freed my soul and let me acknowledge the monster I’d let loose, and I mourn. I think about you every day, watching you through the veil between the world where you walk and this one. Hoping that you will find someone who will grant your soul the same freedom that you granted mine.
I think about how beautiful you are. Your hair, your face, but especially your eyes. How even when alight, your eyes were sad. What was it that brought such sadness to you? Perhaps it was because you were like me. Chained to the world where you did not belong. You belong here. And it is in this world where I wait for you. Hoping that they break the chains that are shackling your soul to that place as you broke the chains on mine.
I watched you with the children. They gravitated toward you for your gentleness and warmth. I marveled at you as you healed the wounded, played with the children, and watched me. I did not understand why you watched me so intently - I only hoped it was because you also knew that I was watching you, hoping desperately that a miko with your beauty could truly fall for me, one good with his hands but without the memory of his past. Only when the monster reappeared did I understand why you watched. I’m sorry I failed you and let the monster out again.
So when I see the puppet master trying to force you out and defile you, I wail against the veil between us. I want to get to you, to save you from being hunted. I was hunted too after all, by a darkness that came from inside of me. I am beyond jealousy and pain here. I see the silver haired man I fought and how he cares for you. I understand him. I feel it too. No one can be in your presence and leave it untouched. We all bathe in your warmth.
But I want to be more than that for you. I want to tell you that you are beautiful. I want to kiss you and love you and make you mine. And yet, I know I will be happy still even were I only to be warmed by your presence, for you are the one who saved me. I do not know if my love for you will save you in kind, but love is not solely for saving others. Sometimes it is both selfish and selfless. My love for you is both. You exorcised the darkness in me and granted me the grace to live in the light. I love you.
So when I see your last moments, being held by the silver haired man, I hope that he will set you free. I am angry you did not get your revenge, but still I run as fast as I can to the gate, waiting and wanting to be the first to greet you here. Were you able to break your chains Kikyo? I want to thank you for saving me. I want to look at you and see if your eyes are still sad. I want to ask you if you know how the children fared. I want to find out if you want my company as desperately as I want yours. And so I wait.
When you walk through the gate, I cannot help but gape. You are luminous, and you look free. You see me and I see you, and I know you know I am there for you. When you stride up to me, I wonder what my words to you will be. Nothing seems worthy of you, of this, but still I will myself to speak.
Thank you will not do. I love you is far too soon. So I settle on something in between - something that lets you know how much you mean to me, without feeling entirely too much. It projects my dedication to you, my savior, and my hope that perhaps, in time, the love you find for me will be the same as the love I harbor for you.
“I was waiting for you.”