Archive of Our Own

Kobayashi couldn’t help feel as though he made a huge mistake. The idiot Hanasaki had yet to stop smiling. No matter how many glares he shot his way that smile remained.  It had been hours of this as they shifted through the spread files laid about the sitting area of the Boy Detective’s  

Club base.

“What?” he snapped, careful not to raise his voice loud enough to make Akechi look up from his own stack of files.

It was bad enough doing this work without the idiot's instant smile.

“Nothing.”

Cerulean eyes refocused on his paperwork.

“You know with all our tech, having paperwork seems pointless” Hanasaki complained.

Kobayashi tuned the two’s arguing out. Their stupid back and forth was easier to ignore than the way Hanaskai looked at him.

It all had to do with what he said on the rooftop. 

Hanasaki had said he loved him.

 Love was something he didn’t fully understand yet. 

“But I said I felt the same,” he thought. 

Starting to feel the tight coil in his gut he moved away from the papers. If he didn’t calm down they all would be destroyed.

“Are you okay?” Hanasaki asked those eyes practically looking into his soul. 

It made him simultaneously tense and relax. 

“I’m hungry,” he said, despite his quiet stomach. His body probably did need to eat anyway.

“Love” he found himself thinking as he unwrapped a burger. He loved burgers. Loving a person was different; he knew that much at least.

“Love?”

He still needed to figure out this feeling. It took so long to even deal with the emotions Hanasaki had taught him so far. Love was... 

He looked towards Akechi. He couldn't ask him even though he knew Akechi loved Inoue. Inoue wasn’t here, not that he really wanted to talk to him either. Which left...

He looked at the owl perched to his left.

“Noro.”

They didn’t talk too much but she was without a doubt the smartest among the people he knew.

“Noro” he whispered. 

The owl turned its head towards him. 

“Noro.”

“What is it?” the girls’ voice came out of the pendant strapped to the owl. 

“What is love?” 

 The pause to her answer made him doubt if asking her was a good idea.

“There are several results for that question. Infatuation versus love....”  He could hear her scrolling on her computer.

“Love strikes like lightning, unpredictable according to this source. Another one says that you can’t really control love.”

Clicking his tongue he walked away. All he wanted was a clear answer. One stupid answer that would help make sense of what he was to do now. How he was supposed to react. What he needed to feel. 

///

Out of the corner of his eyes, he watched Kobayashi. There seemed to be something on his mind. 

To be fair he too had something on his mind. He kept thinking about their hug. It was the first time they were ever able to do it. Just knowing that they'd accomplished it once spurred on thousands of ideas to test out what would allow them to touch again. 

Based on the deep furrow on Akechi’s brow, he should’ve been more focused on these files. Honestly, he couldn’t remember what exactly they were looking for. 

This work seemed to be something to just keep them busy. He wondered if Akechi was purposefully putting on this task to keep him in line. That was fair considering everything.

He hadn’t come back for just the club work anyway.

///

“Cheer up,” the idiot said, moving as close as possible as they sat on the rooftop.  “Inoue will eventually find whatever it is we’re looking for then you and I can go on a mission together.”

“I don't need cheering up,” he said, resting his head on his knees. It wasn’t necessary for Hanasaki to come after him. He needed space to think properly. 

“You sure?”

“You cheer up sad people. I’m not sad.”

“Really?” Hanasaki asked, sticking his face as uncomfortably close to his as possible. 

Gripping his arm tight he fought the barrier to form between them. 

“Sorry” Hanasaki backed off a little. “What do you feel then if not sad?”

“Confused.” It had taken a while to narrow it down to an emotion he knew.  

Hanasaki looked thoughtful for once. “About our job or-”

“It’s nothing.” 

“Let's go somewhere!”

“Why?”

“Because overthinking something isn't good. Come on, we can get something to eat.” 

Food was always the easiest way to make him stop thinking.

“Fine,” he said jumping to his feet. 

///

“It's nice out isn't it,'' Hanasaki said feeling the rays of sunshine against his skin. 

It was like being free from a terribly cold place. The sunlight only reached so deep. It couldn't reach in and fill the emptiness that was inside of him. Therapy and pills helped so much.  Being neat Kobayashi helped fill the spots that neither of those things could.  

“I thought about you every day  I was gone” the words came out on their own.

Ruby eyes glued to the floor as they walked. 

Perhaps it was too early to say these things  but he couldn’t continue hiding what happened. Kobayashi probably was confused by all that happened after the incident with Twenty Faces. He didn’t know what Akechi or the others had told him if anything.  Even if the others welcomed him back without a word he couldn't fully push those events into the past.

 It had happened only a few weeks ago.  

“I worked hard to get back as soon as possible.”

 “I liked it better when you were talking about the weather,”Kobayashi huffed. 

He chuckled. 

“You said we would get food” Kobayashi accused moving slightly ahead. 

“Kobayashi-”

“You’re back that’s all that matters.”

 A smile pulled at his face.

“What?” 

“Do you want to get something sweet?”

///

He didn’t want to talk about the past. There had been enough thinking about the tallys etched into the Ferris wheel cart he lived in that stood as proof he thought about Hanasaki.

“He thought about me too.”

Knowing that made his heartbeat annoyingly fast. A feeling that was hard to differentiate between a warning of his barrier lashing out or something else.

He didn’t have to think so hard before.

Meeting Hanasaki had changed his life so much.

“Kobayashi” Hanasaki reached forward only for the barrier to shock him. 

“That hasn’t changed,” he thought gloomily.

 Their hug felt like it happened so long ago. Knowing what it felt like to be held... he thought about that too. All of this was terrifying; this want to be held again if only for a moment. 

When he lifted his head cerulean eyes held his own. Somehow they looked different. 

“You should wipe your mouth, '' Hansaki said, handing him a napkin, his fingers on the edge. 

This idiot was still testing the limit of his barrier. That made his face grow warmer for some reason as he focused on the napkin. They had done something similar before. 

 He could see the reflected light of his barrier flicker as he pushed his hand further up the napkin. He needed to know that he could seek little of the touch he remembered. 

“Meow” 

Jumping away his barrier sliced the napkin in half.  

“Stupid cat” he clicked his tongue. 

“Don't be so mad at it, it's a stray.” Hanasaki broke off a part of his cone offering it up to the white cat.

 It annoyed him to see how pleased the animal was with the treat. It reminded him of himself. Stuffing his face with the rest of his own ice cream he hastily wiped his face.

“We should get back.” 

“Yeah.” Hanasaki stretched leaving the remains of his ice cream for the cat. 

“You ready?” Hanasaki asked, his hand outstretched.

 His hand moved to take it before he remembered his limitation. Stuffing his hand into his jacket pocket he moved past the idiot.

///

Not for the first time and certainly not the last Hanasaki felt that he had made a mistake. He couldn't tell if it was the way Kobayashi walked so far ahead of him or the way those ruby eyes glanced back at him that made him feel more uncomfortable. 

Was Kobayashi worried that he would leave again? Was Kobayashi looking back to make sure he was still following.?  To be honest with himself he wasn't sure if he had returned too early or not. 

“Hurry up!” 

He would give anything to take Kobayashi's hand. Instead, he said “race you back!” running past him.

“Idiot.” He heard Kobayashi say as his heavy footsteps followed behind.

////

“You... are.... an idiot” he panted trying to absorb as much air back into his lungs as he could. Hanasaki laughed, sounding just as exhausted as he felt. 

Sweat clung to them which he hated. 

Hanasaki flapped his collar on his jumpsuit in an attempt to cool down. “I could use a swim.”

Kobyashi remembered going to the pool in Hanasaki’s house. He didn’t like that place so much. 

“What's with the frown?”

“You made me run here.” He pressed his pendant to the door allowing them access into the Boy Detectives Club base.

Straight away he went to the top of the building where his home was.  The old ferris wheel cart out stood but it was a huge comfort to have it. The cool evening breeze ruffled his hair as he sat near the edge. He couldn't remember the last time he'd even thought about jumping off a building. Most of his past thinking had lost its appeal. He knew very well that the reason why was currently whistling besides him.

 He’d missed that sound and every other little thing that he viewed as annoying... because it meant Hanasaki was still here.

///

His whistling filled the silence as he watched the evening sun disappear behind the tall buildings around them. It was yet another thing he missed while he was away. 

“Do you have to leave?” Kobayashi asked, his voice lacking a hint of annoyance. 

“I'm staying here at the base.”

He didn't need to tell Kobayashi about his still tentative relationship with his father. After everything with Haruhiko... he hadn’t even seen his brother yet. 

His hand trembled at his side.  

“It was quiet,” Kobayashi said.

Before he could say another word Kobayashi shook his head, leaning against the edge of the rooftop. 

Joining him he looked out to their dimming view. Even after all this time, it was still hard to know what Kobayashi was thinking in a single moment.

////

Kobayashi didn't know what he was thinking. Aside from the growing desire for Hansaski to move closer to him he didn't know. He wanted Hanasaki to stay nearby. It was almost funny how he used to be so adamant about the distance between him and this idiot. 

His eyes caught the instant shaking of Hanasaki's hand.  It was something new. 

It worried him. 

He wanted it to stop.

 Between them it was too quiet. They were so far away. What made it worse was that he only felt this way towards Hanasaki. The distance between him and everyone else didn’t matter. It had to be because ... of the  I love you,  it was those word’s fault. 

But that didn't mean he wanted them to be taken away. In fact, he was waiting...waiting for the moment he could be held again and those words repeated. More than ever he hated his stupid barrier. Why he was cursed with it set his insides on fire in anger. 

“What's wrong?”

Kobayashi leaned further into his crossed arms. 

“Please tell me what's wrong.”

“I’m angry” he muttered into his forearm.

“Why?”

“This” he grumbled. He flicked a small pebble at the barrier in front of him. It was such a pain. “Now that I'm back we can continue figuring ways around it if you want.” Hanasaki moved closer, his hand again inching towards the barrier. “We managed to defy it once.” 

/////

“Tada!” Hanasaki exclaimed, laying down the heavy cooler. Wiping the sweat from his forehead he noticed Kobayashi's typical unamused expression. “I was thinking about the things we did before and I remembered.”

 He kicked the lid open to reveal water balloons and water guns. 

“This is your idea?”

“It worked the last time,” Hanasaki smirked, picking up a water balloon. Tossing the balloon it popped; water soaking Kobayashi’s hair. “See” he exclaimed proudly. 

With a soaked frown, Kobayashi ran towards him. Grabbing a few balloons he ran behind the safety of the ferris wheel cart. 

“Shouldn't you be working?” He heard Kobayashi call out before a balloon splashed the edge of the cart. Ducking he lobbed another balloon. “Come on you have to do better than that.”

Inside the cart Hanasaki noticed several tally marks carved into the metal.  

“Kobayashi?” he asked peeking his head around to only see the empty rooftop. 

Suddenly he was pelted by water balloons from above. Running he rushed to gain more ammo. The onslaught didn't end as he approached the cooler. 

“That’s unfair” he claimed, noticing that Kobyashi had taken all the water balloons. 

Kobayashi chuckled a little and he would do anything to keep him making that wonderful sound. Snatching a water gun he tried to dodge the tossed balloons. 

///

Kobayashi couldn’t help let a small laugh escape as he watched Hanasaki running around like crazy avoiding his attack.

 Reaching into his pocket for another ballon he was shocked to find there was nothing left

“You weren't paying attention” Hanasaki made his way towards the ferris wheel cart he was standing on.

 Leaping down he ran towards the cooler. 

“No, you don't” Hansaki laughed squirting water at him. 

Rushing for the cooler he managed to grab the second water gun. In the second he turned back Hanasaki had his own gun in his face. And just as quickly his smile faded and the trembling of his hand returned.

“No,” he thought. He didn't like that sad look in those cerulean eyes. 

An uncomfortable dip in his gut made him nervous about his barrier lashing out. 

“Stop It,” he said either to Hanasaki or himself he didn't know.

Hanasaki's hand trembled harder making the water gun vibrate. Thinking quickly he sprayed water into his face. 

“Sorry” Hanasaki backed off.

Once again he wanted to take Hanasaki’s hand. If only it weren’t for this stupid barrier. “I...”

Hanasaki lowered his face. “I'm sorry.”

“Stop,” he said a little louder.

///

He could hear a slight shake to Kobayashi’s voice, if he turned back he wouldn't be able to handle looking at the pain in those ruby eyes. 

“Kob-”

Water hit him again. 

“Stop thinking about that stuff.”

“ It's hard not to. I can't forget what I did. I could've killed you.”

“No, you couldn't.”

 This was truly horrible. It set in so much doubt about the work he had put in to return. He’d known there would still be work to do after he'd gotten released from the mental hospital, but this still felt unmanageable.

“I was scared,” Kobayashi said so softly that it almost didn't register over the volume of his own thoughts. 

“I was scared that day. I didn't understand until later that I was worried about what happened to you. I was scared that you wouldn't come back and I was angry that you were such an idiot to leave... And if I could have I would've taken your hand that day. I wanted to take your hand and run...”

“Then what?”

“How am I supposed to know?” he huffed.

Hanasaki smiled. A smiling idiot would always be better than a sad one. 

“Alright,” Hanasaki said. 

“Alright?”

“We’ll both work hard so that one day you can hold  my hand and we'll run away.”

Once all dried up Kobayashi found that Hanasaki had set up another attempt to get past his barrier. Piles of books were stacked in Hanaskai’s room. He remembered staring at the pictures of the book when Hanasaki was sick. 

“What now?” he grumbled.

 “You want to work hard so we can hold hands don't you?”

“It's not just that” he mumbled, feeling his face heat up a little. 

“I want that too you know” 

He was sure his face turned bright red. If Hanasaki continued to say that kind of thing he would lose what little control he did have. 

“What do I have to do?”

“We're going to practice passing things.”

“Fine” he hoped, down crisscrossing his legs. 

“We’ll start simple and work our way up.”

“Fine.”

They started with simple blank paper. It was easy enough when they each held the furthest edge. As Hanasaki's finger got closer and closer Kobayashi had to fight against showing the discomfort inside his stomach. If he couldn't manage his stupid thing then...

The paper shredded the second their fingers got close enough for him to nearly have their fingertips touched. 

“Tch” he clicked his tongue. A knock came from the door.

///

Inoue looked somewhat upset when Hanasaki opened the door. 

“What are you two doing?” 

“Practicing.”

 Inoue looked to the pile of shredded paper. “You should be helping out with the paperwork.”

“I thought you would have  found whatever Akechi was looking for.” 

“Of course I did but I won't be putting away your mess.” 

“Fine” Kobayashi said, dusting off the shredded paper pooled in his lap.

“We’ll be on it.”  

Inoue gave a look that said he wanted to say more but he only nodded before rolling away.

“This could be the next step in practice,” he said, looking at the piles of files scattered around.

“I'll put them away, you'll hand them to me.” 

“That's a terrible idea.” 

“We'll do our best to not destroy anything.”

 Hesitantly Kobayashi took up the first file. They would be in big trouble if it wound up like the papers they'd been practicing with but he was sure a file or two wouldn't be too hard to replace. Just a lot of printing. 

“You can do it,'' he encouraged leaving his hand outstretched for the first file. “Focus on placing it in my hand. Just like before.” 

Agonizingly slowly Kobayashi laid the file in his hand.

 “See one down only a few more to go” he smiled placing it back into the file cabinet. 

Hanasaki was mindful of the distance of their hands as they continued. It was a slow process, Inoue would snap at them for taking so long if he wasn’t most likely speaking with Akechi.  ///

Relatively quickly  Kobayashi was getting use to the action. Kobayashi barely looked at Hanasaki just liked the files up so that it landed in his hand every time. 

He was sure looking at him was in some part to blame for his lack of success earlier.  Sitting almost knee to knee made him hyper-aware of every movement they made. And this focus drifted away from Hansaki’s hands to his eyes far too often. Roaming, picking up files and handing them off without looking directly at Hanasaki was easier. 

“Last one,”   he thought happily grabbing the remaining file on the desk.

Excited to be done with it all he thrust the file forward. 

Hansaki’s mouth turned upward into a smile.

“What?”

 Hanasaki only smiled wider.

Looking down he realized that he was still holding onto the file  and Hanasaki’s hand laid right under his own. As if suddenly his hand could identify the touch he felt the warmth against the back of his hand. Sense the tiny movements of Hanasaki's hand. The nervous knot returned when he noticed the tickling sensation in his palm.

Noticing his discomfort  Hanasaki pulled back. 

///

“See you did it.” The pinked tint to Kobayashi’s face made it so tempting to take his hand again, but they had already done enough for the day. 

“Should we get something to eat.”

///

Kobayashi couldn't stop looking at his hand. Again he'd been able to touch Hanasaki. 

Touch was still so strange.  Hanasaki was so warm and soft yet rough at the same time. 

Sighing, he traced the back of his own hand. 

He didn't want to wait until tomorrow.

The next day Kobayashi was met with a room of stuffed animals lined up in Hanasaki's room. He'd only seen so many in a store window before. Hanasaki buying all of these was not completely out of character.  

“Where did you get all this?” he asked as he plopped down onto the ground. 

“I borrowed them from Noro.”

He could already see the lengthy scolding if he damaged a single one. 

“You were more focused on the files so I thought something like this would help.” 

“Why stuffed animals?” he asked, still not fully understanding why this was the next step.

“You’ll see another day for now,” Hanasaki motioned to the animals to pick one. 

Eyeing up the line he took the stuffed toy dog.

“So?” he asked when Hanasaki just watched him.

“First I want you to just play with it.” 

“Play?” He didn't know how to play. 

“Like this” Hanasaki said, taking a stuffed giraffe and moving it back and forth. 

It felt stupid to copy the movements. He hadn't played with toys before. Living away from everyone left only things necessary for survival. Plus he’d lacked interest in anything that wouldn't fill his belly or end his existence. 

“Things changed” he couldn't help think. 

Moving the stuffed dog back and forth he continued to question what the point in this was. 

“Now let's switch.” 

Shrugging, he held the toy out.

“Try to come closer,” Hanasaki instructed. Scooting a fraction he held the toy out. “More, a little  more.” Hanasaki motioned with his hand for more. 

Kobayashi was sure the edge of his barrier had to be resting an inch away from Hanasaki’s knee.

///

Hanasaki waited patiently.  He knew that when Kobayashi got tensed his barrier was harder to control. From this proximity, he would receive severe damage if it lashed out as he'd seen before. 

“I'm going to try to take it from you okay.”

 Kobayashi nodded.  

Slowly he reached out his hand. Easily he passed through the few inches between him but as he nearly touched the stuffed dog the barrier seemed to reactivate cutting his forearm enough for him to bleed. 

“Hanasaki!”Kobayashi said voice tight as he withdrew his hand. 

“It's not bad. Focus. I'm going to try again.” 

“Don't”

 This time the barrier nicked the tips of his fingers even before he could fully extend his hand.

“You idiot!” Kobayashi rose to his feet pulling just the first aid kit that was mounted to the wall- one of Akechi’s many additions.

“You really are an idiot.” 

Kobayashi looked at his bloody fingers. 

“It looks worse than it is,'' he assured. “I’m sorry I should've given you more time to adjust.”

////

Watching Hanasaki wrapped up his wounds bothered him to no end. They should've ended this but the idiot was insistent. 

It was only when he managed to quickly hand the stuffed dog over that Hanasaki, at last, let them end things for the day.  Hanasaki continued to tell him that his hands were alright but he couldn’t believe it.  All of this was too dangerous. A simple touch couldn’t have been worth all of this for Hanasaki

After a few more days of trials that added to the cuts on Hanasaki’s hands Kobayashi was determined to end things. 

“Ready?” Hanasaki asked standing at the rooftop door.

He had to end this. 

Bandages covered every inch of Hanasaki’s hands. 

“I'm done with this,” he said softly. He wanted to touch Hanasaki without causing so much damage.

“Come on we don't want to be late.”

“Late?”

“We have a mission.”

He looked at him curiously. They hadn’t been assigned anything for a week. Akechi didn’t say anything.

 A mission was better than these ridiculous trials.

“Okay.”

Hanasaki didn’t attempt to take his hand as they walked to their mission. As much as it bothered him that Hanasaki had come to the same conclusion about trying to touch as he had. In a way it felt as though he’d been given up on. 

That was fine. 

He gripped the edge of his jacket sleeve.

“We’re here.”

Looking up he saw a sign with an image of a dog and a cat on it. “What is this place?”

“It's a place where animals without a home go. Come on.”  

His feet shuffled as they crossed over into the building.  Hanasaki led him straight down a hall into a fenced-in grass area. 

“Sit down and I'll be back,'' Hanasaki motioned to the bench.

Wringing the edge of his sleeve he waited. Why did they have to come to this place? This was different from any other mission they went on before. 

The sound of barking made him jump a little.  Hanasaki walked in with a small dog on a leash. 

Curling up on himself he tried to control the rising worry.

“This isn’t a mission is it.”

“We have been practicing all week. You’re ready for this.”

“I...”

“I want you to try. I'll  hold the leash so...when you’re ready.” 

For a long moment, he just watched Hanasaki interact with the small dog. 

“I can't do this.”

“During all our practice you’ve only hurt me” Hanasaki chuckled.

“That’s not funny.”

“I know you can do this.”

Hanasaki let the leash go enough so that the dog could run between them. 

 The feelings that he knew came with the lashing out of his barrier wasn’t as wound tightly inside of him. 

 Maybe he could do this.  

Since the file practice, he’d been able to stop himself from harming the thing he was handing over. If he just focused.

“It's just like the stuffed animal,” he thought, moving slowly towards the dog. 

 Closing his eyes he slowly held a hand out to the dog.  The touch of soft fur was similar but this was a living creature. He could feel warmth, hear the breathing, and the cold wetness of the dog’s nose.  

“Bark” the dog barked at him and it didn’t sound painful. 

Carefully he opened his eyes. The dog's tongue licked his hand.  He couldn't believe this. His whole life he hadn’t been able to touch a living thing without harming it. 

“I told you” Hanasaki smiled. 

The dog leaped up, licking his face. 

///

The laughter that came from Kobayashi was the most beautiful sound Hanasaki had ever heard. Keeping his distance he didn’t want to ruin the moment. For whatever reason why Kobayshi’s barrier still reacted to him. One day he would get past it. 

“With fewer cuts,” he thought, slightly picking at his bandaged fingers. 

///

“Why did you take me here?” Kobayashi asked after an hour with the dog. 

“I know you love animals. I thought it would make you happy.” 

“Love?”

“If we bother Akechi, maybe we can adopt a dog.” Hanasaki smiled. 

 He had done so much for him that Kobayashi knew that he had to return the favor.

///

“Where are you taking me now?” Hanasaki asked. 

“Surprise,” he said double-checking that the sidewalk had enough room in case his barrier acted out today. Yesterday he had been lucky. The same couldn't be said of today. 

Now and again he looked to Hanasaki’s bandaged hands. He hoped that this would make up for it if only a little.

“This doesn’t really look like your sort of place,” Hanasaki said, glancing at the tall buildings.

“It isn’t.” 

“Then,”

“Just hurry up, please” he tacked on. 

“It must be something important for you to say please,'' Hanasaki teased.

Everything inside of him wanted to run away as they went into the elevator but he couldn’t. This was for Hanasaki. 

“You have to be quiet around here” he warned as the elevator dinged and he stepped out.

///

When Kobayashi had told him they were going out today he thought it was for food or maybe to return to play with the dog.

 Entering this building wasn’t something he expected it looked far too business-like, something more of where his father would go, not Kobayashi.  A few people gave them a curious look before moving on about their day. Hanasaki hoped that people were allowed here or else they would be getting an earful from Akechi if the police were called on them for trespassing.  

Finally, Kobayashi stopped. The door to the room looked like any other. 

Surprisingly Kobayashi knocked

“Enter,” said a robotic sounding voice.

Pushing his way through he followed Kobayashi quickly.  He was just about to apologize when he noticed who it was.

“Haruhiko?”

“Ha-na-sa-ki” the computer voice spoke. 

Tears sprung from his eyes as his brother rolled out from behind his desk. 

“It's been a while,” the computer voice said as Haruhiko gave a weak smile.

Rushing he wrapped his arms around his brother.

“What happened to your hands?” 

“It’s nothing,” he said, holding onto his brother tightly. “I’m so sorry about-”

“I’m sorry.”  

“I..” he didn’t know what to say.  

“I’m glad that you’ve come.” 

“How...”

“Father.” 

“No” he shook his head. “How did Kobayashi know  you were here?”

“Your friend  has been looking after me.”  

“He has?” he asked, turning back only to find that Kobayashi wasn’t there anymore.

“Father wasn’t too keen about him coming and going at first.  But he’s a good kid.” Haruhiko smiled. 

////

The  worn-down building that he used to live in remained the same since the day he had been more or less forcefully taken away from it. He didn’t know why he had decided to come back here. There was something about seeing Hanasaki so happy to see his brother and the way that they were far too easily embarrassed that led his feet back to this place. This safe place. 

Hanasaki now had his brother, someone he knew he loved, and didn’t have to worry about getting cut by whenever he wanted to hold hands or hug. What did Hanasaki need him for?

///

This brings me back, Hanasaki said, looking at Kobayashi sitting on the steps besides the headless angel statue. A complete accident had led him here the first time. A runaway dog had gifted him the chance for them to meet.  This time he had only needed to rely on GPS to find where Kobayashi had run off to.

///

There he was again just like in the beginning in his stupid bright orange jumpsuit and beaming smile. Always coming back to him. Popping up even when there was no need to. 

Touching the angel statue he tried to distract the feeling that filled his chest seeing Hanasaki here again. If they had met today instead of a year ago that they would still end up like this. That Hanasaki would put meaning into his once meaningless life. That sort of knowledge made his chest feel so light and heavy at the same time. 

“What are you doing?” Hanasaki asked. 

“I...” 

“Did you come to reminisce?”

“I...I want to know what love is.”

“I want you to show me” Hanasaki sang before chuckling to himself. “It’s an old song.” 

He clicked his tongue. 

“You are serious?”  Hanasaki almost looked shocked.

“I still don't understand it.” Irritated, he looked to the angle again.

“It's a complex thing,” Hanasaki said he could hear his footsteps across the stairs as he came closer. 

Gripping his sleeve he tried to settle his heart. It felt almost like he was scared and that made it hard to not let his curse strikeout. 

“Kobayashi” Hanasaki’s voice sounded so close.

“It seems so easy for everyone else. Akechi, Inoue... You said it once. Only one time to me. I don’t like understanding all this stupid stuff. I didn’t need to know before I met you.” He gripped his sleeve harder. “You get so close even when you know what’ll happen. Even when I’m careful I hurt you.” He looked to Hanasaki’s bandaged hand.  “My chest hurts so much sometimes I think my heart will explode. I don't feel like that about anyone else.”

“Kobayashi” Hanasaki’s voice was whispered into his ear. 

Which meant his barrier was down. 

For how long though? A few minutes? Less? All their tests hadn’t been consistent. 

“Yoshio Kobayashi.”

Hearing his full name offset the tingling sensation of his palms. Not even wiping them on his jacket helped. 

“I understand why your barrier has been lashing out now.  Your barrier protects you from hard,  You are afraid of me hurting you.”

Kobayashi still refused to look him in the face.“You can't hurt me.”

“Not physically but emotionally.” 

“That’s stupid.”

“No, it's not. That fear of getting hurt is a part of love.” 

Hanasaki reached out his hand. Kobayashi was sure it would be a hug like the last time but instead, that hand cupped his cheek. 

“All these things you’re feeling that’s love.”

“It is?”

“Yes. So is this.”

In the moment their lips touched, not hard but with weighted purpose, he finally understood.