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Wooseok had promised the people he held close to heart, who, similarly, had helped him nurse his fairly successful acting career of eleven months, that he would not waste the opportunity that was his first lead role; but here he was- dreading, wincing, as the drama staff declared a minute left of their ten-minute break for shoot to resume. He believed that he needed at least an hour to muster up courage to face the staff, and his co-actor, once more.
The thing was, it was already their fifth take, and Wooseok had been the culprit for all the other four faulty takes. To make matters worse, it was only the very first scene, and they were already taking ages, because of him.
He, out of all people, knew that this was not what was expected from him. He might be new to the scene but, not to brag, his records were only ever praises and approval of his craft. Transitioning careers from modelling to acting had not been easy, but he did it; and now he's here. But the way he's been messing up, this project could be the very catalyst of lost opportunities to land bigger roles in the future.
Ruffling his hair in frustration, Wooseok thought back and tried to figure out where it went wrong this time; and like all the other NG takes, it all pointed to one thing- or rather- one person.
He found himself casting a glance towards his co-actor for the nth time that day. With his nice physique, it was no problem for him to swing from dapper looks to the more rugged ones. Put together with an equally gorgeous face- fox-like, charming eyes, finely sculpted nose and thin lips- he was that kind of actor who, understandably, would sweep up projects here and there. But it was not only his looks that opened the door to where he was now; it was his mastery of his art- his acting, and his great personality, which earned respect in the industry.
He's an accomplished and experienced actor- the very same thing that Wooseok was aiming for for himself, and…..
And he was also the cause of Wooseok's current dilemma. The said actor was laughing obnoxiously at something his manager had said; and Wooseok was not amused.
Wooseok couldn't help himself but roll his eyes. He's so fucking annoying.
As the drama staff announced their break over, Wooseok dragged his attention away and decidedly swore that this was definitely the final take for the damned scene.
---
"Wh-what? I'm sorry I don't understand," Wooseok furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head in confusion, but his attention remained glued on the laptop screen, as what the script said his role, Minsu, should do. "You want out?" Wooseok looked up briefly at Cho Seungyoun, or Hyunjae, who betrayed no emotions on his features, before typing up random words again into an open word document.
"Is this about what Jiyeon said? That you're cheating on me?" Wooseok let out a sigh and paused his pretend typing. "Shouldn't I be the one to demand a break-up, Hyunjae?" He shot an exhausted look at Seungyoun- no , Hyunjae, who wore a mask of nonchalance on his face, his unwavering eyes meeting Wooseok's as if in defiance- a not-so-fitting expression for the situation.
I mean for the scene, Wooseok thought.
He broke the stare-off and squinted at the jumble of random letters he typed. "I'm sorry but can we talk about this later? I don't have the time for this now. I have a lot of things left to finish-"
"Huh," He watched Seungyoun- Hyunjae , roll his eyes at him. He had a convincing fed-up look on his face that for a second, Wooseok was concerned if he had said or done something to offend him. "No, I want to discuss this right now."
Wooseok, who was still dumbstruck, did not have to feign surprise as Seungyoun grabbed the laptop off his lap and tossed it carelessly on the bed nearby.
"See this is our problem. Look at us," he gestured at the discarded laptop and the set, Hyunjae and Minsu's shared apartment, "You're always busy, I'm always busy. We barely have enough time for each other," Seungyoun spoke the words harshly, and Wooseok flinched involuntarily.
"I knew being with you while working in different fields was not going to work, but," Seungyoun shook his head as if in regret, "I decided to still try, because, I loved you, Minsu." His voice turned really sad, and Wooseok was awed at the quick transition. Melancholy filled the dark eyes as they met Wooseok's, and a strange ache gripped his heart.
"But you've become so preoccupied chasing your dreams, you forgot about me," Seungyoun, Hyunjae, said in a dejected whisper, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
Wooseok was already making another mistake. The script instructed Minsu to look away in embarrassment, but for some reason, he couldn't look away from his face, barely holding off a mad urge to touch him. The drama director was strangely letting him off though.
He swallowed hard, burying the feelings that rose unbidden. Cut it out, Wooseok told himself, It's only a few more lines and we're finished. You can do it.
He had barely managed to school his features into what was hopefully, the neutral expression that Minsu was supposed to wear, when Seungyoun surprised him yet again as he maneuvered a 180-degree change in attitude, sneering his next lines, "You were always so damn selfish like that, so this is me giving up. 'Guess it's impossible to hope that you could change."
Wooseok exhaled when he realized he was holding his breath. It was as if he had been slapped. But he cannot let the anger and hurt he felt show on his face. No, Minsu was supposed to appear composed. So he relaxed his face and smothered the very real urge to glare at Cho Seungyoun.
I mean Hyunjae, Wooseok reminded himself.
"And I won't deny the cheating issues. It has some truth to it in fact," Seungyoun added, crossing his arms to show his indifference.
He suppressed another urge to slow-clap at his audacity, because he's not Kim Wooseok, and the man in front of him is not Cho Seungyoun. They were Minsu and Hyunjae; and Minsu was supposed to stare unblinking at Hyunjae's smirking face.
"You were always so cold, so unavailable- physically and emotionally, so you can't really blame me for looking for the attention you obviously can't give from someone else," An accusing finger lifted and pointed at his chest.
Patience.
"And you were always so sensitive," A cock of his head in mockery.
Patience, Wooseok.
"I don't understand why you're always so depressed, and why you get so insecure sometimes,"
No .
Wooseok's resolve was growing weaker, and his head spun . Was that in the script? he thought absently.
"You even forgot to take care of yourself. Look at you. Honestly I don't even remember the last time you looked attractive to me," The voice lacked emotion, as if the words weren't hurtful. They were spoken without regret, as if, as if.. he truly meant them.
W-what? Wooseok gulped a sob threatening to escape his throat. His body moved on its own, and then he was looking down and assessing himself, suddenly insecure of the scrutinizing look that loomed over him.
"It took me a damn full year to realize we are not for each other at all; that we were only running in circles. But now," The sharp, steely eyes pierced Wooseok's.
"It would benefit us most if we just separate."
A sickening pain lanced Wooseok's heart. The last of his resolve melted away. Beneficial for us?
But apparently, Seungyoun was not done. "You can't exactly blame me for all this right? It was all because of you anyway. It was your fau-"
Suddenly, a thud wiped out all other sounds present in the set. All Wooseok could hear right after was his own heavy breathing and the thumping of his heart. His balled fist trembled mid-air from where it connected with Seungyoun's jaw.
"CUT! What the HELL Wooseok? You weren't supposed to cry and why did you hit Seungyoun, come on." The drama director sighed and massaged his temples in exasperation.
What? Wooseok lifted a hand to feel tears on his face. He whipped his attention towards his co-actor who was on the floor, being supported by the other staff to a stand. Seungyoun grabbed his jaw and threw a confused look over his direction, before getting dragged by the medic team to a corner.
Oh nooo. Wooseok ran his hands over his face and stalked away from the scene, only catching a glimpse of the retreating figure of his manager and friend, Yohan, rushing towards the direction where the drama director rested.
---
"Wooseok, catch up on some sleep, okay?" Yohan urged him out of the company car. Wooseok only nodded and waved him goodbye, vaguely aware of the other presence who stood next to him.
As soon as the car drove away, he did not waste time and made a beeline to his apartment building, fast-walked to the elevator and slapped his hand over the buttons before someone else could get in. The lift stopped on the third floor, and Wooseok jogged to his door and punched in the code. A rushing figure caught his eye at the top of the staircase, and Wooseok pushed the door open, propelled himself inside and slammed the door shut behind him. His shoes flew everywhere as he discarded them quickly and carelessly.
Almost there, almost there , he told himself. He was almost at the door of the room when the apartment door flew open and a blur of a body collided with his.
"OW!"
Hands steadied him by the shoulders. "Hey can you tell me what happened back there? Although I have an idea, I'll let you explain yourself." Seungyoun huffed as he struggled to catch his breath.
Wooseok gulped nervously.
The ride back home had given him a lot of time to think. The more he thought about it (re: the incident(s) with Seungyoun earlier), the more he realized that he, Kim Wooseok, gave a dumb, knee-jerk response to the situation(s).
"W-what do you mean?" He feigned a look of confusion. Wooseok was still dumb, apparently.
"Huh, really now." Seungyoun furrowed his eyebrows in suspicion.
Wooseok refused to say a word under his searching gaze. Again, he's dumb, so no surprises there if Seungyoun lost patience.
But instead, Seungyoun only sighed in defeat. "Okay okay, I'll elaborate then, although I know you know these already. You have been glaring at me and giving me the cold shoulder throughout the entire shoot. You have been just ignoring me the whole ride home. You ran away from me just now. And you hit me! Damn, now that I remember, what was that for? You almost knocked off my teeth." He lifted a hand to massage his jaw, glancing at Wooseok accusingly.
Wooseok had the cheek to look down in shame.
"Uh, yeah about that…" But apparently, not enough cheek to explain himself for the events that transpired earlier as enumerated by Seungyoun. He was dumb and a coward.
"Let's talk about it tomorrow, yeah? I'm tired, I'mma hit the sack first." He tried to free himself from his grasp, only for Seungyoun to firmly grab his arms, effectively stopping him from getting away.
"Hey hey, I'm taking none of that." The words were hissed harshly. He glanced up and Seungyoun's steely eyes drilled through him, and he couldn't look away. His heartbeat significantly picked up pace, he's sure the other's going to hear. A moment later and Wooseok doesn't understand why instead of being called out for his stubbornness, he found himself being pulled into a tight hug.
Wooseok's heart hammered impossibly fast in his chest.
Seungyoun's voice was gentler when he spoke next. "Baby, what's wrong huh? Did I perhaps do something to upset you earlier? Tell me please so I can apologize."
Wooseok felt his knees become weak, he was thankful that he was being held. He let out a breath to calm his heart and circled his arms around the other. He felt dumber than ever for making Seungyoun feel like he did something wrong, when he, in fact, did not.
"Alright. I'm sorry Youn. I'll tell you." He whispered softly over his ears. He gently untangled himself from Seungyoun and met his eyes, but failed to hold his gaze for long. "But first, can you fetch some beer? I need a drink. This is going to be embarassing."
The bright eyes reappeared and so did the signature radiant smile. Seungyoun pecked his cheek once and headed to the kitchen.
---
Later, they found themselves on the sofa, sitting side by side, each sipping on their second can of beer.
"So you mean, you got carried away?" There was no teasing in his voice, although knowing him, there ought to at some point into their conversation. He couldn't really blame him if he found his reasons funny and pathetic, because he was the one who decided to be insecure and responded dumbly to the situation. So much for aspiring to be a professional actor.
"Yeah. You were very convincing, I thought you meant everything and was actually talking about our relationship for a minute back there." He chuckled faintly.
"Baby," Seungyoun's hand reached out to take Wooseok's, "Did you not remember our first script reading? We even talk about the script a couple of times everyday."
Wooseok thought back and cringed. "Of course. I even said it would be a piece of cake since I would only have to fall in love with you. I guess it just," Wooseok shook his head, "I guess I just got excited earlier that it escaped my mind that we had to break up first to find each other again."
Seungyoun let out a soft laugh, letting go of the other's hand to wind his arm around Wooseok's back, "Which was dumb by the way, right? They're so fucking dumb. Why would it take a break-up to realize they truly love each other? And that break-up was a mess in my opinion; I'm surprised the writers found a way to make them fall again while making it still make sense, in a way."
Wooseok only snickered at his observation.
Seungyoun took another swig of his beer, "You know, Hyunjae's such an asshole. I would hit him too if I were you, although I'd like it if you would not confuse me, a real person, Cho Seungyoun, with that bastard, fictional, Shin Hyunjae again," Seungyoun laughed nervously and casted a side-glance at Wooseok, "I mean, why would he point out Minsu's insecurities like that just to justify him cheating? That's no balls move if you ask me."
Wooseok hummed in agreement, but did not interrupt his train of thoughts.
"Come to think of it, they're both at fault. How could Minsu just fucking stare emotionlessly at all that? He's a severe case of stoic, that one." Seungyoun shook his head and clucked his tongue.
Wooseok sipped on his beer before adding, "Oh you don't know how much I was struggling internally with the stoic thing that Minsu's got going on. To say 'struggle' is an understatement, even."
Seungyoun looked at him incredulously. "Really? I didn't even notice," he beamed and drew closer, nuzzling Wooseok's ear as he spoke in a low voice, "I thought those flashes of emotions were your adlibs, but otherwise, you did amazing with that poker face, baby. You were so hot, I literally lost count of how many times I wanted to just grab you and take you somewhere to make out." Seungyoun pressed a light kiss on his ear, and Wooseok giggled softly and slapped the other's thigh in response.
Wooseok circled his arm over his stomach so they were kind of hugging while sitting. He looked up at him, "Well, you really are an amazing actor then. I most certainly did not feel that, if me hitting you was any indication."
They broke into another harmonious round of laughter, then basked in the few minutes of stillness that followed.
"Honestly babe, I think we're not that much different from them. Hyunjae and Minsu, I mean." Wooseok broke the silence.
Seungyoun pushed him away a little to meet his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed in disagreement. "What? I, for one, am not an asshole, and you, baby, are most definitely not heartless like Minsu. Like, at all." He pressed a loud, wet kiss on Wooseok's cheek.
The smaller shoved his face away and Seungyoun pouted, cupping his own cheek, "Or maybe a little."
Wooseok chuckled before sobering, "No, I mean, in the sense that, Minsu has his shortcomings, Hyunjae does too. Their relationship's not perfect. I guess that makes them appear more...human. Just like us. Just like our earlier days."
Seungyoun drew him close once more. "Yeah I guess you can say that. But can we forget about those times? I cringe every time I remember how much of a coward I had been."
Yeah, and how much in denial I was."
"It's a relief we got this far now huh."
"Yeah."
As Wooseok stared up at Seungyoun who only stared back with adoration and love in his eyes, he knew he reflected the same emotions in his own.
It's true that it wasn't a perfect journey; they started out as childhood bestfriends, inseparable until they had to, when Seungyoun's family moved to the city.
Then, like fate, they met again in high school, when Wooseok got an opportunity to study in the very city he did not know Seungyoun was residing in. They were older, and a lot of things changed, except for one thing: there was still no one who knew Wooseok better than Seungyoun, and there was no one but Wooseok who knew Seungyoun the most. From there, they advanced through life together, as best friends, and then as lovers; although crossing the line was the toughest time, they managed to steer their way through everything- every hurdle, every struggle, through all the highs and the lows.
Then they went to college together, and after graduation, embarked on different ways for the second time when they ventured into acting and modelling separately. They supported each other as they both honed their skills and grew in their respective careers. After ten years, fate brought them together to trek the same path once more.
And now they were here. Together still, and the journey most definitely has not ended; not yet.
Wooseok ran his finger over the other's facial features in wonder, and Seungyoun let him; a soft smile on his lips as he left him alone with his thoughts.
They really were not that similar. Seungyoun was extroverted, while Wooseok was more of an introvert so he sometimes get anxious in social gatherings. He preferred a small crowd, hence, had only kept a small circle of friends, while Seungyoun basically knew everyone.
These were only a few examples, but their differences only deepened their understanding of each other's identity; because they were yin and yang, and not a burst of orange from Wooseok's red and Seungyoun's yellow. These differences embodied unity in diversity; there was no need to change themselves to please the other. Wooseok did not need Seungyoun to calm his storms, he knew how to calm them on his own; Seungyoun's the same. And Wooseok knew that they could be themselves, and yet still be loved.
In a way, they are each other's hope. That everything was going to be fine. That every obstacle they encounter was passable, as long as they had each other.
His tracing absently moved to his smaller hand, outlining the prominent veins running at the back of it, and then his fingers. Wooseok's mouth lifted to a small smile at the soft, That tickles, from the subject of his contemplation.
Loving Seungyoun was a complex amalgamation of every kind of love Wooseok knew. He loved him like a friend; and a friend's love meant no space for insecurities, no hiding. Loving Seungyoun like a friend made their relationship devoid of any pretense. It meant acceptance, relentless support and respecting boundaries.
And he loved him like family; and a family's love equated to familiarity and comfort. No judgements, no criticisms, and never-ending understanding and forgiveness. Loving Seungyoun like family meant that no matter how much he wanted to hate him sometimes, he simply couldn't *. And loving him like family meant finding a home in him.
And then he loved him like a lover; and a lover's love meant attraction, adoration, and inspiration. It meant having the colossal want to spend his whole life with him without losing his individuality. Loving Seungyoun like a lover was wanting to be held, to be kissed, to be touched, by him only.
"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" Seungyoun interrupted softly, stopping Wooseok's caress and lacing their fingers together.
"Nothing. Just, thank you," He lifted the other's smaller hand to his lips and pressed a kiss on it. "And I'm sorry for earlier. I guess I was just seeing a different you for the first time."
He had watched Seungyoun's acting a lot throughout his career, but never had the first-hand experience to really see him acting- until now. He was surprised that there was still a side of him he hadn't seen before, and there would still be something that would make him insecure in Seungyoun's presence. But, he decided that he was glad. Because he was still with him to witness these new things Seungyoun still had up his sleeve.
Wooseok shook his head. "I guess I was just not used to," he paused and met Seungyoun's eyes, "I guess, I was just seeing you through eyes less familiar with the Cho Seungyoun behind the cameras."
"Hey hey. None of that. I'm no 'the' Cho Seungyoun. It's just me, plain old Seungyoun. Your bestfriend, your boyfriend. Your Seungyoun." He grasped both his hands in his. "And no, I don't want you getting insecure of the things I say and do when the cameras are rolling okay? I don't mean any of the things said and done back there." His eyes were worried, and Wooseok's heart hurt that he had to reassure him like that, after all these years.
Seungyoun enveloped him in a hug when he did not answer. "But seriously babe, you have to get used to it. You know I have been doing this thing for about eleven years now, so I guess I can be quite convincing. We're probably going to book projects here and there after this show premieres. I mean, we're a phenomenal pair with unrivaled chemistry, and together, we're a force to be reckoned with, don't you agree?"
Wooseok had to snicker at his words, and Seungyoun guffawed too, the rumble of laughter reverberating through their chests.
This is the most fascinating thing about being with him, Wooseok mused, marvelling at Seungyoun's blinding smile, Loving Seungyoun is really....easy.
After a while, Seungyoun sobered. "Am I forgiven then?"
"I should be the one asking you that." Wooseok rolled his eyes.
"Uh-uh. I'm the one asking you here, mister."
"Damn, so stubborn. Fine, okay you're forgiven."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive… that you, in fact, are crushing me with your hug."
Seungyoun laughed and pushed him away gently to be face to face with each other. His eyes sparkled. "That's a yes then. Come here, I missed you."
Wooseok shrieked as the other lifted him off the couch, laid him sideways over his lap, and proceeded to cradle him like a baby.
Wooseok groaned. Not this again .
"Nah, you know what? I take it back. I'm still mad."
"What?? Oh come ooon, what did I do now, my cutest baby bunch?" Seungyoun cooed at him, not missing a beat and pinching his cheeks.
Wooseok couldn't stand it anymore. He slapped his hands away from his cheeks and sat up on his lap. "This. For fucks sake, Cho Seungyoun, why do you always treat me like a fucking baby. Look at us. We guarantee eye rolls and pukey noises from any unfortunate witness."
Seungyoun was silent for a second, blinking at him as if not comprehending his outburst.
Then he launched a full-blown hug at Wooseok's squirming body. "But you ARE my baby! How can I not treat you like one when you're so, so tiny, and cute I think I'm gonna explode and cry simultaneously." Seungyoun pouted deeply at him and sniffled to prove his point.
That's it. Wooseok pushed himself off of him. He stood and turned his back towards Seungyoun, crossing his arms across his chest in the process.
But not long after, he felt arms winding around him, hands firmly gripping his hips. A chill ran down his spine as Seungyoun growled, fanning his ear with his breath.
"So. You want me to treat you like an adult , then? Hmmm, okay. Shall I start?"
Seungyoun pressed light kisses on his nape, slowly working his way towards his jaw, and then his neck. Wooseok closed his eyes and let Seungyoun touch him in ways only he was allowed to. His touch never failed to awaken frissons of desire from his own body, but an idea had flashed at the surface of his mind. And this was the perfect opportunity for that idea, so just as Wooseok felt tongue on his skin, and before his body could fully betray him, he strengthened his resolve and forced himself to turn and face the other.
Wooseok tried, but failed, to ebb the satisfaction he felt as he eyed Seungyoun darkly, a sneer pulling up his lips. Time for revenge, baby. Seungyoun only blinked in return, confused.
Wooseok chuckled and shook his head. "No way you're gonna get in my pants, Seungyoun. Not today."
He took Seungyoun's initial shock as opportunity to slide his hands around the other, slipping them inside his pants, past his underwear, and groped the bare skin of his ass.
Seungyoun whimpered involuntarily, muffling the sound with a hand over his mouth in embarrassment, making Wooseok smirk further.
" I'm doing the fucking tonight." He breathed over his face, and he was satisfied to see Seungyoun gulp.
Wooseok then placed a fleeting kiss on his mouth that had Seungyoun chasing after his lips to prolong the touch, but Wooseok only patted his ass twice more before getting off of him and walking away.
Only when he reached the door to the bathroom that he turned his attention back to Seungyoun and called him over. "Hey, what are you waiting for, we're taking a shower. Hurry the fuck up and get your ass over here."
He saw Seungyoun roll his eyes, but there was a lopsided smile on his lips as he muttered, "Geez, he's such an asshole when he wants to top."
Wooseok resisted the smile pulling up on his lips. "Did I hear you say something Seungyoun??"
"I'm coming, I'm coming. Sheesh!"
Fin.