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As I fall asleep now.
While he was falling asleep, he had time to think about what he has done (nothing at all) and why does he even bother? He's only attending high school still because it was the law (since when did he care about that?).
I think of all the paths I've taken
That lead me back to here.
He had never deliberately done anything to Chen but the jock used him as something to place the blame on, every failed test, every missed catch Chen received, he blamed on him. There's no point in fighting back, the next time they meet, the attacks will be harder and more painful.
And I wonder,
Is life at its peak now?
It couldn't get any better than it was now. He was sure. Yes, it could get worse but he couldn't see how it possibly could. It was at a midpoint and he really didn't care.
Is it stuck in first gear?
When will it all disappear?
He knew that he could die at any given time, whether it be a vehicle accident, freak weather events, or other causes. He knew better than probably anyone in the city. It was like a steep uphill slope, you can only go up for so long before you are forced down.
And time keeps passin' by
But I'm too busy to reply
Chen's bullying wasn't just physical or verbal (not that it made a difference), it was online also, constantly texting him to do things for him through the use of blackmail. He learned that the bruises sustained from not replying were better than actually replying, which people would laugh at him more for doing.
And as I close my eyes
I say that I won't go tonight
I'm lookin' for a sign.
He had gotten close to suicide so many times only to stop at the thought of the five people he had accidentally met online. They would never know that they were the reason he was still living, he intended to keep it that way.
My only friends have been online.
One day he had accidentally sent a message to a random group. The five people who were in the group who, unlike everyone else, were actually nice toward him. It's a trap, He would trust them then they would stab him in the back.
And as I close my eyes
I tell myself I'm fine
He was fine, coming home with bruises and black eyes that his Mum never noticed. She never noticed anything, always too busy with her work. He was so fine.
And I don't wanna cry
But now it's hard to breathe.
He couldn't stand it, absolutely everyone hated him and it was so overwhelming. Once he had cried in a toilet stall and was beat up by one of the jocks because of it. Now he doesn't risk showing any emotions to anyone but that meant it all accumulates until he's swimming in it and can barely breathe.
And now everybody's standin' here
But no one seems to know me.
Many times, he was sent to the Guidance Counselor, a waste of time of which he had no use for. He didn't need guidance, a counselor, or anything. The Guidance Counselor talked and acted as she knew him as so many had done in the past. None of them actually know him.
And I'm alright,
Tomorrow I'll be fine.
He was allowed to just be alright now, wasn't he? Pretend that the world didn't exist beyond the perimeter of his bedroom. Tomorrow, he could be fine. Tomorrow he would get another black eye from Chen.