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Several decades into the 8th century Aziraphale heard about a black snake appeared in the capital of China. He thought of Crowley. They last met in the Kingdom of Wessex and he hadn’t seen the demon since. What is he up to this time? In China?
If the demon’s spreading foments in the east as he did back then, he’d have to thwart him. Thwarting evil deeds is what angels do. Going east to stop the wily serpent is what he should do. So, he went.
A spark of demonic miracle woke Crowley up from his decades long nap which started from the end of the 7th century. A commendation letter jammed in his bedside table. Hell’s the worst! By definition, it had to be, sure. But some of the bad things they do were just pointless. Out of stupidity or laziness, if Crowley was to be honest. My bedside table! What was that for!
“Uhhh… What did the humans do this time.” He groaned and opened the dark envelop.
JOB HORRIBLY DONE! The administration of Hell is thrilled to know about the pointless torturing of horses and abuse of manpower in China.
Reusing the old tricks from your first temptation is a bit of a cheat but the number is looking terrible! Keep your efforts going!
China? Is occult power responsible for China now as well? Crowley thought of the distance between Europe and Asia and cursed. How am I going to see Aziraphale now?
Wait, what does reusing old tricks means. Crowley never felt good about his first temptation. He liked the Eden and was quite bummed out when he had to leave. It’s beautiful and a lot smaller than the ground that he’s responsible to covered now. And running into Aziraphale was much more easier. He didn’t technically interact with the angel when they were both in the Garden. He hadn’t gathered up enough courage to speak to the angel until he realised that they also had to leave with Adam and Eve. They’re going to part ways anyways, things couldn’t get worse.
They had met each other for a couple of times, but meeting up with the angel has become quite difficult recently. They haven’t run into each other since Aziraphale came to meet the Black Knight. That was fun, he mused. Making dramatic entrance and watched the annoyed expression when Aziraphale realised it was Crowley inside the dark armour all along.
Reference to the first temptation cannot be good. Crowley decided. He had to do some digging. Then he learnt about a chubby princess consort that enjoyed fruits so much that the emperor had his people transport the fruit from the peripheral area to the capital in shift. Fine, he knew Aziraphale enjoy food but this is madness.
What is the angel up to this time! Causing a commendation from Hell cannot be good to an angel. Crowley knew that he had to put a stop to this. So the east was where he went.
If he had learned more about the Chinese population before his journey, instead of focusing narrowly on the information about the princess consort who he thought to be Aziraphale, he would know that it’s rather difficult for a redhead to walk around people without raising suspicion. But Crowley being Crowley, he didn’t really pay attention to anything he didn’t think was angel related. To put it mildly, he ended up scaring the shit out of a room of maids.
“Angel” Crowley yelled as he walked into the room, “I have no idea why you need to go undercover as a princess consort, but if you think I will allow some random emperor…” Wait, there’s no angelic energy. There was a split second of silence, and the room was filled with screaming and frantic women. Armed men rushed in and captured Crowley. Endless interrogation followed.
It turned out, the chubby princess consort was just a chubby princess consort. (Well, she did become an important figure in Chinese history, but that hardly matters to Crowley.) Time in the dungeon got bored quite quickly, so Crowley began plotting his prison break.
He didn’t exactly make careful plans. He could use miracles anyways, but he thought it would be more interesting if he returns to his serpent form and slithers out of his cell.
Aziraphale didn’t realise that the story about the black snake happened over two decades ago until he arrived in China. He was at loss, but he discovered a new kind of fruit. It was nothing like the fruits he used to enjoy. This delicacy looked weird but tasted really good. Popping open the dark red bumpy skin to reveal the part translucent white flesh provided theatrical effects every time Aziraphale did it.
He decided to stay for a while longer. After all, there were so many new delicacies for him to try. Then he sensed a familiar tinge of demonic energy. Crowley! He ran towards it without a second thought.
He followed the scrambling crowd to the side of a nearby mountain. And saw Crowley. As he stared into the familiar golden irises, he had to rely on all his willpower not to giggle. Oh, the silly serpent. Total overkill.
The black snake was several meters long and thicker than the diagonal of human body. Its dark scales and crimson stomach looked gloriously shinny. With a hint of mischief and laziness, it slithered across the crowd. Then it saw the blinding blonde curls and froze.
Why are you here, angel! The serpent hissed and made an expression equivalent to human eyebrow raise. The crowd scrambled further away. Some tried to pull the blonde foreigner with them but Aziraphale stood. “Do not worry, my dear. I will handle it.”
I am a demon. I’m supposed to be frightening. The serpent hissed again, with more force in the sound. You can’t just show up and ruin my fun! The angel rolled his eyes, but complied.
“The flood shall drowneth the capital! fleeth to safety!” The angel exclaimed as dramatically as he was capable of.
The two beings left the area when they deemed it was safe for Crowley to transform back into his human form. They did, just so there wouldn’t be a collective panic attack among the people and raise awareness of their respective offices, miracle up a corpse of a giant snake to convince everyone that the snake they saw was dead.
“Let’s go, angel.” Crowley said as he moved his legs and hip in a mildly too serpentine manner. The angel said nothing to stop the seductive swag and focused on the list of the exotic food he wanted to bring back home instead.
“How about let me tempt you to try some lychee first?” He said with a happy wiggle.
“That was your doing?” Crowley shouted then remembered that they should keep their voice down. So he grumbled. “You really shouldn’t contribute to any abuses, you know. Being an angel and all that.”
The confusion on Aziraphale’s face puzzled him. “Why are you here then?”
So they shared the information they gathered and were both horrified by the other’s story.
“Why would I burst out of another snake’s stomach!” Crowley face-palmed himself. “’s disgusting! Wet and smelly and sticky, Ughhh…”
“And you thought I made humans and horses travel day and night so I can enjoy fresh fruits?” Aziraphale retorted. “Crowley! I’m an angel! I would never do that!”
“You’re also obsessed with human food. I wouldn’t know.” Crowley grumbled. “Snap us back home, angel.”
Aziraphale snapped, and Crowley did as well. They landed in front of the angel’s lodging with boxes full of exotic fruits.
“Crowley!” The angel smiled, eyes lightened up by the ridiculous amount of delicacy in front of him.
“No more running off to far places, angel.”