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When Vic woke up that morning, he didn't give a single thought about his day. For him, it would be just another one on the routine; wake up, get ready, go to work, work, eat lunch with his best friend, work some more, go home, do some random stuff, sleep, repeat. It was pretty simple, nothing he would complain about. But it was a bit of a shocker, over how once he was walking to have lunch, that stood on the other side of the Park where he worked near, he heard a small shout of a kid, their squeaky voice saying something along the lines of:
"Daddy! That's the man from the pictures?" And little feets running up to him. He thought nothing about it, ignored it as any other passersby did until a small girl tugged at his hand. He, surprised, glanced down, seeing a little girl with a blinding smile gazing up at him with wide blue eyes. Vic almost gasped at the similarities between her and someone now long gone from his life, trying so hard to shake it off. But he couldn't shake it off, not when he heard that voice that many times before so sweetly danced on the air around him, so many times it whispered into the silent night words just for his ears, so many times made promises that he couldn't keep.
"Copeland! Don't run off like that!" And Vic froze, his eyes wide behind his round glasses as his shoulders tensed up, a resemblance of his broken heart showing up for a second on his chest. Vic swallowed hard, slowly turning his head to look towards where that goddamned person spoke. They both could have had the same reaction for a second; a widening of eyes, lips parting, maybe even gasping a little bit, utter surprise crossing their faces. That surprise, though, quickly made them come down from their own heads. Their stare never broke. That simple exchange was something big, something where wild emotions and unspoken words were told yet some of them were lost amidst the air, never losing their meaning yet losing their reception, words and thoughts and feelings and prayers as a single fucking heart pump, crashing down into conceptions and dismissed among the sea of sentiments. But the parallels disappeared soon when those deep blue eyes softened, despite the disbelief, and Vic's warm brown hardened, despite the incredulity.
And Kellin saw how Vic changed over the span of five years, though he still looked the same. There wasn't that same warmth his eyes held before, there was no unintended reassurance that life could reach the climax and remain there, there was no loving tenderness in there. No, they were abnormally cold; incapable of holding Kellin passionately, holding him into a choking grip instead. But the coldness wasn't even the worst. The melancholy and sorrow that swam into his iris, the lingering hurt, god, that... It still made Kellin's heart clench. Vic stared at him expressionless for a second before he glanced at the kid and looking away, looking plain bored and annoyed. Kellin bit his lip, looking down before blinking quickly, clearing his throat.
"C'mon, Cope," Kellin said softly. "We gotta get going."
"But daddy! That's the man!" She exclaimed excitedly, her naive eyes missing the tension built up. She turned to Vic. "What's your name?!" She asked with her father's signature smile. Now, Vic wanted nothing but get out of there, but he wouldn't be an asshole to a child. He glanced at her momentarily, and when Kellin was about to call her again, Vic answered.
"Vic," he mumbled. "My name's Vic," he said louder this time. Kellin faltered, his unique voice sweeping through his memories, bringing back everything in a flash and making Kellin heavy once more. She smiled and hummed.
"Ooh! So you're Vic! I'm Copeland!" She said, shaking his hand, that he still held. "But people call me Cope."
Even though Vic really didn't want to be there, he still smiled. That kid never did anything to him, though she was the reason for all his sleepless nights. Kellin faltered even harder over the sight of that simple, yet forced, smile. He gulped.
"Cope, we-"
"Vic! Babe! There you are, you slow midget!" They all looked up, seeing a tall man walking up to them with an award-winning smile, his blue eyes twinkling happily. From a certain distance, his features changed to confusion, though the smile remained. Kellin could feel his heart sinking deeper and deeper every step that man took towards them, holding his breath. His heart was already weak, he couldn't hold a blow like this. Sure, a long time had passed but... He never really moved on. He couldn't, he didn't want to. But then he realized that he should have since Vic did.
Vic smiled a little bit, relief crossing out his face. Kellin didn't miss it. He was so out of place, feeling the hollow inside grow just a little more.
"And you? What's your name, cutie?" The man got close enough, his messy short curls bobbing softly when he crouched down, tilting his head and staring with bright eyes at Cope. She giggled and smiled.
"I'm Cope!"
"Hot damn! That's a lit name!" He said, making her giggle even more with his British accent. "I'm Joshua," he extended his hand to shake her politely. "It's nice to meet you, miss," he stood up, bowing and taking off a fake hat out of his head. She laughed at his silliness and shook her head, Vic laughing along with her.
Kellin felt like he could do nothing but watch as if there was a glass stopping him from doing anything, chains heaving his limbs as he watched the love of his life moving on. He stared emotionless at his nightmares, at what kept him awake at night. Only this time it was real. Until Joshua glanced at him. He smiled.
"Hello!" He extended his hand to shake Kellin. "And you are?" He stood there expectantly, not seeing how Vic's smile slipped away and he glanced away from the three of them.
"Kellin," he said softly, going to shake Joshua's hand. But Josh's smile faltered and he was quick to pull his hand back, his eyes becoming unwelcoming.
"Oh," he said distastefully. Kellin pulled his hand back, looking awkward. So Vic did talk about him.
It was really damn awkward.
"Are you Vic's boyfriend? Daddy said 'Vic probably has a boyfriend by now.' " A curious, little voice questioned, quoting her dad, looking up wonderingly at Josh and Vic. Kellin's expression fell even harder. He didn't need to know for sure. Josh and Vic looked at each other with surprised faces before they burst laughing. As much as that wasn't a response, the mere sound of Vic's laugh could haunt him for a long time, only then feeling for real how much he missed it, how much he craved to hear that simple sound once again.
"No," Kellin was quick to look at Vic, who still chuckled a bit. "No, he's not my boyfriend," Vic snorted. Kellin sighed out silently, biting his lip.
"Yeah, I'm his husband," Josh said, smug, as he raised his hand up, wiggling his fingers with a wedding ring on. And just like that, Kellin came crashing down even harder than he thought he would. His bottom lip escaped from his teeth as they parted and his eyes became dark, heavy. It wasn't much of a surprise, really, he should have seen it coming. Who in their right mind would meet Vic and let him go? No one would. But then Kellin remembered about himself and felt even more shitty, blinking away the miserable look on his eyes. Vic chuckled again, hitting Josh's arm.
"Stop it," he shook his head. "We talked about this before." Josh shrugged.
"Oliver still said he doesn't mind," Josh sang, looking pointedly at Vic, that smiled wider and rolled his eyes. But then he took a quick glance at Kellin and his smile faltered. Vic stood up straight, clearing his throat.
"Uh, no, Josh is nor my boyfriend nor my husband or anything like that. He's my best friend," Vic stared at Copeland intently, watching Kellin from the corner of his eyes. Cope nodded, humming again. As much as Vic would love to make Kellin taste his own medicine, that dull look made him feel bad. He didn't know why since what Kellin did was way worse than a joke. Vic sighed a bit, glancing down.
Vic was too pure for this shit.
"Cool! Is he a nice best friend?" Cope directed her attention to Josh, tilting her head. He chuckled and nodded. She hummed. "Nice. Daddy, can I get a cookie?" She turned to Kellin, that quickly snapped out of his daze. He nodded, throwing the other ones a really forced smile before he was taking his daughter's hand. "Bye-bye!" Cope waved at them with a wide smile, letting Kellin take her away with a nod in the others' direction.
They waved and, Vic couldn't really help it, he stared at Kellin's back for a moment too long before Josh hit his side, glaring at him and shaking his head warningly. Vic sighed, slouching.
"Wait!" Copeland exclaimed again, letting go of Kellin, that widened his eyes and turned to grab her hand but she was running too fast until she collided with Vic's legs, sending him tumbling down. Josh snorted loudly, making fun of Vic until Cope got off him.
"Oh my god, Copeland, no! I'm so sorry!" Kellin quickly picked her up, for the first (second) time making eye contact with Vic. "Oh gosh," Kellin breathed out. Vic winced and stood up, dusting himself and shaking his head.
"It's fine," Vic mumbled quietly.
"It was really nice to meet you! Daddy talks about you all the time. Will we ever see you again?" Copeland asked quickly. "We should see you again! Then maybe daddy won't get so sad because of the pictu-"
"Copeland!" Kellin reprimanded her surprised, furrowing his eyebrows. "Don't say things like that," he scolded her, making her shrink in herself a little bit. He sighed, shaking his head. He was beyond embarrassed and as much as he dreamed of this many many times, he wanted nothing more than to get out of there, not daring to meet none of their gazes. He cleared his throat.
"I'm, I'm sorry for that again," Kellin mumbled, shaking his head and sighing. He glanced up into Vic's eyes, softening. "I'm sorry," he said again. Only this time, it held an entirely different meaning, and Vic picked up on that quickly. His brown eyes softened just a little bit. Kellin looked at his eyes for a few more seconds before he blinked quickly and turned around, beginning to walk away, not wanting to bother anyone anymore, already knowing that the humiliation he felt then would haunt him permanently.
Vic bit his lip, his eyes starting to twinkle with doubt. Josh furrowed his eyebrows, watching Vic intently.
"Don't you dare," Josh scolded Vic when he opened his mouth, eyes still trained on Kellin as his eyes shone brighter by the second. "Victor, don't you fucking dare."
But Vic paid no mind, only glancing at Joshua for a second before he began jogging up to Kellin, making Josh groan loudly and drag one hand over his face stressfully, sighing out slowly.
"Hey!" Vic called out, stopping beside them. Kellin froze, stopping walking as he slowly turned around, eyes unbelieving, confused. "So, uh," Vic inhaled through his mouth, slightly out of breath, his eyes somewhat set yet troubled. He should not be doing that. "Yeah, I think I could see you again," Vic said, eyes on Copeland. "If your father lets it, that is," he added quickly, glancing up at Kellin with slightly guarded eyes but still somewhat warm. Kellin let out a small surprised sound, his eyes widening. He stood there for a few seconds, lips parted as he stared at Vic. Vic held back an amused yet bitter smile. Who was the one that looked dumb near the other now?
"Uh, yeah!" Kellin stuttered out, nodding frantically, blinking quickly and cursing himself for making a fool out of himself. "Yeah, yeah, I- we would like to meet you again whenever!" Kellin spoke quickly, failing on holding back his enthusiasm. Vic beamed, though it looked like he just pursed his lips and nodded.
"Cool," he murmured, taking out a little card from his pocket and giving it to Kellin, that took it speechless. Vic gave him a small, hesitant smile before his eyes dulled just a little as he remembered everything. That was a really bad idea. He pushed that away, his smile faltering some before he cleared his throat and nodded. "Give me a call anytime. We, uh, we should... Talk," Vic directed it to Kellin before waving at Copeland, walking away. And Kellin stood there dumbfounded as he watched Vic walking away with pursed lips, not seeing how he was feeling some sort of regret already for doing that. Kellin shook his head, walking away, still stunned.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" Josh smacked the back of Vic's head, making him wince. Josh had one hand on his hip whilst he tapped his foot on the ground impatiently. Vic sighed, rubbing the back of his head.
"I need closure, okay?" He mumbled. Josh groaned.
"Do I need to remind you what happened or what?" Josh snapped, eyes fuming when Vic glanced up at them. Vic looked away quickly, feeling ashamed of himself already. "Do I need to remind you of all the times you broke down because of that fucker, or how it took you years to get your shit together? I swear to fucking god, Victor."
"It's okay, Josh. Just stop. I'm an adult, I can deal with this. I just need... To know," Vic replied softly. He couldn't blame Josh for his harshness, it's not like he was wrong. Josh huffed.
"Yeah, and when that fucker breaks your heart again, I'm not going to be afraid to say I fucking told you so."
~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~
Kellin fiddled with his shirt over and over, almost shaking with nerves. He breathed out, biting his lip as he messed with his hair once more.
"Stop it, goddamnit, you're fine," his friend snapped at him. Kellin glanced up at her and sighed, nodding. She stood up and walked up to him, fixing up his hair before she hummed and crossed her arms, a small smile slipping on her lips. "There you go. You look handsome," She winked at him before taking his hand and dragging him out of his house, pushing him so he stumbled closer to his car. "Everything will go well, bub, Cope is safe," she winked at him, making him soften a bit and sigh, nodding.
"Thank you, Lynn," he said softly. "You're the best," and he smiled, making her smile widen. "Just... Don't gay in front of Cope too much," he joked lighthearted, opening the door and climbing on the car. She snorted and rolled her eyes.
"No can do, the gay is on me at all times," she showed him the middle finger before going inside, but before she closed the door, she backed up a bit and shouted at Kellin, that was backing away from the driveway, a pretty loud "use protection!" Before she scurried in and shut the door, missing how Kellin rolled his eyes.
It was nice how she was joking with him because it helped him calm down quite a bit.
As helpful as she was, it didn't matter much in the end. He still was sweating and trembling, gulping down, throat dry. But he hoped that it wouldn't be too obvious once he got there.
Kellin did call Victor. His hands were clammy, his breathing was heavy, his insides were tight. He couldn't be blamed, though, not when things could possibly change. To know that Vic may want to hear him out, to know that he could possibly forgive him - Kellin could never let this chance pass through him like that. Never. So he did, a day after they encounter, he picked up his phone and dialled the number.
The ringing was teasing Kellin on the worst way possible. With each prolonged buzz, Kellin felt fainter, like he was ready to fall down face first on the ground as soon as Victor picked up. He almost did, too. Once Kellin heard that so sweet, low, gentle voice on the other side, he held his breath. His eyes widened and the flash of all their times before, up until the morning came, talking about anything and nothing, whispering rushed secrets and all of that; it was like a punch in the guts.
Victor's voice called again on the other side, more confused, annoyed even. Until Kellin had the courage to clear his throat and find his voice again. For a while, he heard nothing from the other side. He wondered if Vic had ended the call until he heard his caught off guard voice coming again, so sweet, so surprised, so vulnerable. Kellin couldn't help but smile a sweet, longing smile. It was bittersweet in a sense. They talked - barely - and Kellin decided that he wanted to apologize personally. Vic, with a stuttered breath, accepted. Kellin could feel his hesitancy and it hurt but what could he do? He should be grateful that he had a chance, he was grateful that he had a chance.
So as Kellin parked in front of an old, cosy restaurant, which held so much meaning for them, he felt his heart fail a few beats. He could see Vic through the window and his heart was crazy on his chest. It was wild, beating so frantically, so desperately, almost as if it would burst from Kellin's chest and run back to Vic's embrace, to the arms of the one it belonged.
Kellin gulped. He glanced at the car, noticing his shaky hands and he considered bailing out on Vic. But a single glance back at the restaurant and his throat closed up. Vic had his intent eyes on him, watching his moves, knowingly, sorrowful, angry. Almost as if he knew what Kellin was thinking. And it made Kellin feel weaker. He inhaled, exhaled, licked his lips. It would be okay, everything would be okay. But knowing Kellin, he would find a way to fuck things up. He always did, for everyone. It was a wonder that he still had friends. He shook his head. Not the time for this. He padded up to the shop, opening the door, the little bell ringing above his head as the old lady behind the counter looked up. She smiled wide.
"It's so good to see you again, kid!" She said nicely, padding up to Kellin and giving him a small hug. And it was nice, it helped, it calmed him down because she smelled of sweetness and elderly, she smelled like the past where everything was simple. She smelled of nice, pure memories, of a world where Kellin could be and simply be. That entire place did. He had to thank Lynn later for picking the place.
Kellin smiled down at her, watching as she mumbled to herself and walked away after confirming if Kellin would want the same he always got. He nodded and turned around, gazing at Vic. He had this look on his eyes, this stare filled with longing and weakness and hostility at the same time. It made Kellin falter for a bit before he padded up to Vic, sitting on the opposite side of his, offering him a small smile. Vic gave him a half-hearted one back, flickering his stare down to a mug of coffee he held in his hands.
"So..." Kellin started, crossing his arms and resting back on the seat. Vic glanced at him before his stare flickered to the window.
"So," Vic repeated. It's not like he had anything to say, then. Of course, before, he had thousand of imagines over what would happen if he saw Kellin again; many of which he ranted angrily on how shitty Kellin was and a few of which he dreamt of Kellin apologizing profusely and Vic giving him a hard time before accepting them, then proceeding to live happily ever after. But that wasn't a dream, that was the bitter reality and he knew that things wouldn't go that simple.
"Vic," Kellin called weakly, snapping Vic out of his mind, making him turn his head to stare at Kellin. Vic blinked, quirking one eyebrow, face falling in a rather hard expression. It was as if everything had dawned on him finally and he couldn't help but clutch the resentment close to his heart. "I... I'm sorry," Kellin began. Right then, the friendly owner padded up to them, putting Kellin's cup in front of him. He glanced at her and smiled gratefully, waiting until she was far from them before he turned to Victor again.
Vic already stared at him, looking rather impatient even if his face didn't really show much emotion. Kellin gulped.
"I... God, I suck at this," Kellin grumbled, sighing out. He saw Vic drinking some of his cappuccino before he sighed.
"Take your time," Vic said with bitter kindness, rolling his eyes just a bit before he was looking away. Why did he agree to do this again? Kellin swallowed. When did Vic become so cold? Where was his patient baby? Oh yeah, Vic wasn't Kellin's anymore. Kellin bit his lip before he shifted on his seat, glancing down before sitting straight, gripping his mug with both hands.
"I'm a shitty person," Kellin blurted out. His eyes became set and he kept them firmly on Vic's.
Vic quirked his eyebrows, putting on his resting bitch face. Kellin's gaze wavered before he firmed it again.
"You didn't deserve what I did," Kellin confessed, stopping once more. Vic huffed, impatient and sat up, this time being the one to cross his arms.
"Yeah, and the sky is blue," Vic spoke sarcastically, rolling his eyes again before he was sighing loudly, shutting his eyes and clenching his jaw. "Kellin, if you came here to tell me what I already know, I think I'll be leaving," Vic tried to slide out of the booth before Kellin blurted a loud 'no!', hands anxiously moving to grip the edge of the table tightly.
"Okay! Okay, I'm sorry, I, I, just... Please hear me out," Kellin said rather desperately, his eyes wide and begging, heart on his sleeve as his hands held onto the table for dear life. Vic weighed his options before he exhaled harshly, sitting back down and finishing his drink with one big gulp, leaving it at the table before he leaned back, turning to stare at the window rather rudely. Something inside of him had shifted, he wasn't desperately longing for Kellin to come back as his knight in shining armour anymore, as he did on the day of the park, he was rather angry for the fact that Kellin was the one to drag him down first place.
"What do you want me to say?" Kellin asked, his eyes still vulnerable as he sat back. "What could I possibly say to make this better, Victor? What I did was inexcusable. What could I possibly say to get your forgiveness? I don't even deserve it and we both know it!" He swallowed, licking his lips and glancing away before looking back at Vic. He exhaled slowly.
"God, I," he shook his head. "I know that you're better off without a liar, but I, fuck, I can't let you go even after all this time! I... I love you too much, okay?! And I regret so fucking hard not seeing it before but..." Kellin trailed off, shutting his eyes and clenching his jaw, grunting frustrated with himself. "But I fucking need you."
"Almost an entire year," Victor said emptily. Kellin opened his eyes to stare at him with heavy, clouded with remorse eyes. "We were together for almost an entire year. You told me you loved me when we were six months together." Vic had deflated from being angry to just seeming plain dull. It was good to see that Kellin regretted everything but it made him wish that nothing had ever happened between them. He wished he had never taken up on Kellin's offer to go out. "For how long?" Vic tilted his head, eyes boring through Kellin's. "For how long were you cheating?" Kellin gulped, his eyes falling even more pained before he looked down, beyond ashamed.
"The... The entire time," he whispered. He heard Vic take a sharp breath and it made him close his eyes tightly. He never knew how much it hurt to feel. To know that he hurt Victor, that he took his heart so easily and threw it away just as easy when he didn't even realize how much he himself needed it. To know that he had the entire world on his hands and that he easily set it ablaze. It fucking hurt. But there was nothing he could do anymore. It was done and now he just needed to face the consequences of his younger, naive self's doing. God, the things that he would trade, the things that he would give back just to be a decent human being.
"The entire time," Vic repeated in a whisper. And it just craved the pain harder onto Kellin's bones because of how desolated he sounded. Kellin really regretted calling Vic for a second because it was too much. Kellin opened his eyes to glance at Vic and his heart shattered at how numb Vic looked. "Why?" Vic shifted his eyes to the ceiling, breathing out slowly before he let them fall on Kellin again. "Why did you do it?" He sounded curious instead of only apathetic. Because he needed to know, he needed to put his questions and insecurities he gained over these five years to rest and maybe even himself. Kellin bit his lip for a second before he gulped.
"I... I don't know," he uttered silently. His gaze fell down on the table, unable to hold Vic's any longer.
"You don't know?" Vic repeated slowly narrowing his eyes. "You fucked countless people when we were dating and you don't know why?" Kellin took a deep breath, shaking his head once. Vic scoffed. "Are you fucking with me? All this time I spent wondering if I just wasn't good or enough or both and you don't even know why you did it?!" Vic raised his voice a bit, his glare hardening on a trying-to-shrink-away Kellin, that kept his eyes down, his hands on his lap as he played with his thumbs.
"I'm sorry," Kellin whispered. He did sound sorry but, god, Kellin made him believe his lies before because he could be so damn convincing. Vic believed that Kellin loved him before, god forbid him doing the same mistake again.
Kellin nibbled on his lip rather harshly before his eyes flickered up. He held his breath as he watched Vic's blank face. Kellin hated it because he remembered the time that he could detect every emotion that Vic felt through his eyes but... He couldn't anymore. And maybe that's the moment he began losing hope, when he realized that he made Vic change. Maybe that's when he realized that Vic had grown a thicker skin, maybe it was then.
Maybe it was then that Kellin knew that things would end in a tragedy.
But he didn't expect Vic to get up and walk away. He didn't expect him to handle the lady a ten-dollar bill and wave goodbye at her without even looking back at Kellin. He expected Vic to break down or lash out, he didn't expect to see such indifference on his face. Kellin got up harshly, his face confused as he looked between the door and Vic, that was outside already.
His eyes flickered and he saw the lady's disappointed, sad face. He knew that she had heard everything. Kellin took out a bill and handed her too before he walked out quickly, jogging up to Vic's retreating figure.
"Wait!" Kellin pleaded. "Victor, please wait!" He sounded so desperate, so miserable. Vic couldn't help but notice how pathetic Kellin sounded. It annoyed him. It annoyed him because Kellin was just a childish fucker who didn't know how to deal with his mistakes. It annoyed him because Kellin probably, just like before, saw him as a prize to earn and brag about and now he was pouting because it had been taken away from him. Even though it wasn't true, even though Kellin had indeed learned to not take Vic - or anyone for the matter - for granted. He had learned and he desperately tried to grasp onto a new chance that hadn't even been given to him.
But Vic couldn't see that. Vic had lost his hope on Kellin many years before and he knew that Kellin hated changes, so why would have he came to be someone new? Vic shook his head, biting the inside of his cheek. Kellin quickly grabbed hold of Vic and turned him around, his big, misery-filled eyes desperately moving over Vic's frantically as his parted lips took quick breaths, his heart trembling on his chest as he moved to grab Vic's hands. Vic's eyes widened as he saw Kellin slowly drop down to his knees, still clutching Vic's hands tightly.
"Kellin, what the fuck are you doing?" Vic blurted out quickly, looking so caught off guard, quickly flickering his stare around to see the street empty before gazing back down at Kellin.
"I'm so sorry!" Kellin exclaimed, his hands starting to shake on Vic's as he rested his face on their hands. Vic's eyes widened even more - if it was possible - before he softly tried to tug his hands back.
"K-Kellin," Vic said shakily, trying to pull his hands away but Kellin wasn't letting go.
"I'm so fucking sorry," Kellin let out again, his voice so strong yet cracking and breaking. Vic held his breath as he felt little droplets falling down on his skin, staring intently as Kellin slowly raised his head, his eyes red and teary. "I'm so fucking sorry, angel," Kellin seemed to struggle to hold back a sob. Vic could feel his own eyes tearing up. Who the fuck did Kellin think he was to bring up that stupid pet name again? Vic bit his lip, his face morphing into so much sorrow because Kellin just had to bring his old, buried feelings up with that single word. That was a dick move.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't see," Kellin uttered breathlessly, shutting his eyes before resting his forehead on Vic's hands.
"Get up, Kellin," Vic muttered. "Get the fuck up and hold your shit together."
Kellin inhaled sharply before he slowly stood up, on shaky knees as he hesitantly dropped Vic's hands, his bottom lip trembled as he tried to keep the tears from falling. Vic stared at him for a few seconds before his eyes cast down. Vic shook his head.
"I forgive you, Kellin," Vic didn't but he didn't want Kellin to live desolated. But Vic knew he would in time. He hoped. He saw Kellin's face fall in disbelief before he gulped, nodding silently, watching Vic intently as he cleaned his face. "But what do you want from me?" Vic exhaled. Suddenly he was exhausted. Not really suddenly but to feel anger, sorrow, hurt, all of his old feelings, it was tiring, especially since it was all in one single afternoon. "What do you want from me, Kellin?" Maybe Vic's voice really cracked, maybe not, but it held so much emotion that made Kellin almost want to break down again. "I'm empty," Vic chuckled a tired, humourlessly laugh that held more pain than anything else. "I have nothing to offer anymore." You took everything, he wanted to say. He didn't. Kellin gulped again, trailing his gaze down as he breathed out.
"I... I just wanted your forgiveness and for you to know that... That you mean the world to me, even after all this time," Kellin muttered, sighing before he looked up at Vic and shrugged. Vic used one hand to rub his eyes before he was exhaling softly. "Thank you. Thank you for being so amazing, for showing me love and care. Thank you for turning me into a better person," it wasn't that what Kellin wanted to say, no. But he wasn't going to tell Vic that he wanted him again. Not when he knew that it would simply drive Vic away quicker. So he just held back, the words scratching at his throat, ready to flee, he kept them under his tongue. Vic looked at him with his heavy eyes and sighed, nodding. They stood there, staring at each other before Vic bit his lip, shaking his head and turning around.
"Goodbye, Kellin," and Kellin watched him leave with growing desperation to run and cry and beg and do anything he could to make him stay but he didn't. He stood there, holding the urge down the best he could because he had to let Vic go just like Vic was letting him go. He didn't want to but he did. Kellin swallowed down, his eyes getting teary again because his heart was already too weak to handle this entire thing.
"Goodbye," Kellin whispered weakly. But it fell into deaf ears as well as the thousand unspoken words his eyes were shrieking.