Archive of Our Own ^beta

He gently knocked his gloved knuckles against your door, trying to keep quiet in case you were asleep. But seconds later your soft voice was calling him to come in. You didn't sound angry or annoyed at all. In fact, it almost sounded like you were excited. 

Were his ears tricking him, or were you really happy to see him? Surely you knew it was him, right? No one else ever came to your room. Only Ray, on the small moments he had free, would he pay you a visit. So you knew it was him, right...? Were you hoping to see him?

The thought suddenly excited him, washing away any doubt or nervousness and pushing him to make his way inside. 

Then the nerves returned. 

On your bed you lay, dressed in the flowy white nightgown provided to you by him. You were surrounded by the plush pink bedding, though you were sitting on top of the blankets, not under. You used your elbow to prop yourself up so that you could gaze at your visitor. The bright smile on your face when you saw that it was him made his heart skip. Immediately, you dropped the phone that had been in your hands, giving him your full attention. 

Your eyes looked so sleepy, and he worried that maybe he was disturbing you and you were just too nice to say so. But then you waved him inside, and he figured that you didn't mind at all.

But he did mind. He couldn't do this. Seeing you laying across your bed, beautiful even in drowsiness, moonlight illuminating your body, made him nervous. It felt too intimate. He felt like his dirty, unworthy eyes shouldn't be able to gaze at you like this. As if just his gaze was defiling your innocence. 

"I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I don't even know why I'm here."

Ray turned just as quickly as he entered to leave, but your voice called out to him and he stopped. 

"Ray, please don't go... what's wrong?"

God, that voice. The voice of an angel. It was dangerous. Especially when you pleaded for him to stay in your sleepy voice like that. He knew then that you'd be able to ask anything of him with that lovely voice and he'd do it for you. 

Body shaking, he turned to face you again, but he refused to look at you. 

"I...I had a nightmare. I accidentally fell asleep while working and I...." He trailed off, not exactly wanting to go into detail of the horrifying dream about his mother. He pressed his lips into a thin line, chancing a glance at you, "Before I knew it I was walking myself here. But I'll go now, so don't worry."

He tried to move again but once again you called out to him, begging him to wait. This time he looked at you, and he felt himself moved by the sheer amount of worry in your eyes.

Wordlessly, you patted the spot on the bed beside you. 

"Y-you... You want me to l...lay there with you?"

"If you'd like. I won't ask you to talk about your dream if you don't want to, but it might be comforting if you at least lay down with me. Physical intimacy does wonders for the soul."

"I...intimacy?"

The thought of being intimate in any sense of the word with you sent shivers down his spine and heat over his cheeks. Did he really deserve such a blessing?  Did he really deserve to have his body and soul connect to yours in a way that no other could? Could he even dare ask for that?

But God, he craved it. He craved that he could feel what it's like to be on that level with someone. But not just any someone. With you, and only you. 

But could he really dare?

Seeming to take his reluctance as discomfort, you smiled sweetly.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, Ray. We can sit at the table if you'd prefer. Or maybe you'd like to go walk through the garden?"

"N-no!" He exclaimed, startling you both from the outburst. His face heated up even more, and he was thankful for the darkness of the room so that you couldnt see the redness of his cheeks. 

"I... I would like to. L-lay down with you, I mean..."

You giggled and patted the spot beside you again.

"Come on, then."

Ray gulped as he quietly pressed the door closed and made his way towards your bed. He stopped at your bedside, trying to convince himself to just lay down. Maybe if he closed his eyes tight and pretended you weren't there then he'd be able to do it. But that would go against the reason why he wanted to do this in the first place, didn't it? That might even erase all desire to lay down at all.

You crawled towards him and took his hand in both of yours. You gently tugged on him, though It wasn't forceful, only encouraging. Somehow, just your touch helped him gain the courage.

As you crawled back to your spot, Ray followed you. His aching body screamed in happiness at the feeling of the plush mattress under him. His bed was no where near as luxurious as this. He barely made use of his bed anyway, generally falling asleep at his desk chair after long nights of work, and that was even worse. 

"Would you be more comfortable without your coat and shoes?" You asked him before he got too comfortable. 

He made a small "ah" sound, looking down at his shoes, then the long magenta coat around his body. 

"Oh, but you don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought that you might be more comfy without them."

Always so considerate. Always so accommodating. He truly didn't deserve this closeness you were offering. But he was dirty and greedy, so he would take it anyway. 

"No, I will take my shoes off. I'm sure you don't want dirty shoes on your nice bed." 

You giggled as he slipped off his shoes then placed them neatly at the foot of the bed. Then, with some hesitation, he shrugged off his coat too and hung it on the headboard.

You smiled and settled down on your side against the sheets. When he turned back around to face you his heart sped up at the expectant and alluring look in your eyes.

Hesitantly, he laid down on his side so that he was facing you. He stared into your eyes for only a few seconds. That was all he could handle before the sweetness in your gaze became to much. He shifted awkwardly, unsure what to do now that he was here.

You looked even more beautiful up close. He could see your eyes so clearly. They were reflecting the moonlight wonderfully. They were so open, like you were trying to bare your soul to him. So sweet and vulnerable. He didn't deserve to see you like this.

"May I touch you?" You asked, voice just a whisper as if, if you spoke too loudly, you'd shatter the delicate moment you've created. 

Ray nodded without thinking, desperate to feel your hands on his skin. He'd spent numerous distracted moments since you'd arrived wondering what your skin would feel like against his. Wondering how you'd feel slotted in his arms, head against his chest. 

It felt as if his dreams were coming true as you reached out to tenderly cup his face. He couldn't help but lean into your touch. It was everything he hoped for and more. Your palms were so soft and warm against him, only heating his reddened face more. Your thumb caressed his cheek, rubbing soothing lines against it. Then you parted from the side of his face to brush away some hair from his eyes. When your fingertips brushed against his forehead he couldn't help the dreamy sigh that left his lips. 

He wondered if maybe this was the paradise that he'd been searching for all this time. This place, Magenta, it didn't even hold a candle to the way you made him feel. 

"You can come closer, if you'd like."

"Cl-closer?"

You nodded, patting your chest as if inviting him to lay against it. But that couldn't be it, right? You wouldn't actually be inviting someone like him to invade and defile your space, could you?

"You don't have to. I can just hold your hand if you'd like. Or we can just stay here like this." 

Again you reassured him, but again he wanted to take your offer. He just didn't know if his heart could take it.

"N-no, I want to, it's just.... Are you sure?"

You looked so precious and innocent as you tilted your head to the side. Your eyebrows knitted together and your lip jutted out slightly in a pout. 

"Of course I'm sure, Ray. I want to make you feel better. I don't know about you, but cuddles always help me feel better."

He wouldn't know. No one's ever cuddled with him before. But he trusted you. He trusted you so much. So, if you were sure, then.... so was he.

Slowly he scooted towards you and, seeing that he was okay with it, you opened your arms to him. He hesitated as he neared your body, only becoming encouraged when your hand rested on his side and curled into his clothes.

Finally he settled down beside you, his forehead resting just under your collarbone. He clutched his arms against his chest as his knees bumped against your shins. Your hand underneath his head curled in his soft silver locks while the one above wrapped around him. Your palm flattened against his spine and pulled him ever so slightly closer. 

Ray felt like his heart might explode. He'd never been so close to anyone, especially to you. But it was a magical feeling. For once his body felt light, like it was floating in the clouds. His heart was thrumming against his ribcage so hard that he feared you might hear it and scold him. But instead of that, you rested your chin against the top of his head, tracing patterns into the back of his suit vest.

In that moment, it felt like you were two puzzle pieces, fitted perfectly together. 

"You can hold me too, if you want."

"H-huh?" 

You giggled and took his hand in yours guiding it up to rest on your waist. His face heated up as his fingers curled around your side. Your body felt so soft underneath his fingertips. 

"C-can I really... hold you like this?"

"Of course you can. If you want to."

He did. He really did. In fact, he's never wanted something more. Nothing has ever felt so right. Nothing's ever made him feel so good. 

He nodded, curled up against your body, and pulled you close. He breathed in your gentle floral scent, pressed his legs against yours.  He was desperate to be as close as possible with you.

You let go of his hand on your waist and looped your arm around him again. Ray realized that something about being in your arms like this made him feel so safe. He hoped that being in his arms felt the same for you too. 

"How do you feel, Ray?" You asked after a few moments of quiet. 

How could he possibly describe what he was feeling? This amalgam of trust, caring, and security that he felt in his heart when he was with you. The excellerated thump of his heart and the light fluttering of butterflies in his stomach. The way your warm, soft body brought heat to his frail, cold form. And certainly no one has ever been so concerned over his comfort like you are. It was all almost too much for Ray to process, but it was the most incredible thing he's ever felt.

"I feel... good," He replied simply, though he knew that didn't even begin to explain it.

"Good. I want you to feel good. You make me feel good too, Ray. My heart always feels so happy with you."

He wasn't sure what to say to that, but he knew it made him feel like the happiest man in the world. He felt the same way towards you. And to know that you reciprocated that made him feel like he never has before.

The both of you fell into silence soon after. You just relaxed in each other's arms, listening to the sound of each other's breathing and heartbeats. He wasnt sure how long it had been that he laid there with you, and eventually he wondered if you had fallen asleep. If so then he would try his best to leave now without waking you.

But as he started to pull away you hummed and started speaking again, voice thick with fatigue. 

"Ray, are you leaving...? Won't you stay here with me tonight?"

Despite the lack of any other implications then what was clearly said, that question made him flustered to no end.

"A-ah...I ... I shouldn't. I have work to do... my savior will be upset with me if she finds out I was even here with you like this at all..."

You pushed him away from you slightly and fear made his stomach drop. He worried that you suddenly didn't want him here. Or maybe that he frustrated you with his hesitance and insistence to leave. But as he looked up and met your eyes, he was just met with worry.

"It doesn't feel like you've slept a single wink since I've been here. That's not healthy... Ray, I don't want you to get in trouble. But, I also don't want you to completely deprive yourself of needs. Besides, if you're here with me, I can fight off any more nasty nightmares that might try to get you." You ended your sentence with a little giggle that made him smile. 

"You're so cute."

He let the words slip without thinking, only realizing what happened when you sucked in a quick breath. He tried to backtrack, floundering over his words, but then you laughed again and held him tighter.

"You're even cuter!"

Ray hid his face in your chest, embarrassed. You laughed softly and raked your fingers through his hair.

"So will you stay with me, just for tonight?" You asked when your laughter died down.

He couldnt bring himself to deny you. He could try all he wanted, but he knew in the end it would be futile.

"Yes."

He knew he shouldn't. The Savior would be so mad if she caught wind that he was abstaining from his duties for the night. She'd probably be even angrier if she found out that he was spending that time with you. But he couldnt bring himself to leave. He felt so good in your arms, and all the lost hours of sleep was quickly catching up to him. 

"Goodnight, then, Ray," You whispered before placing a kiss on top of his head, "I hope you have sweet dreams here with me."

He let out a heavy sigh, but it wasnt plagued with tiredness like usual. It was happy and blissfull as he nuzzled himself against you. 

"Goodnight, my princess..."

He was already half lost to the pleasures of sleep before he could catch just what he had said. But you definitely didn't miss the words laced with sweetness and fatigue. You couldn't miss the way your heartbeat sped up, but Ray only barely registered it as the arms of sleep pulled him in.

That night he had the best nights rest he'd ever had. Though, despite your hold soothing him to sleep, he had never felt more alive.